


Lightbringer - A Retelling of The Vampire Diaries

by Astermaris



Category: Legacies (TV 2018), The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV), The Vampire Diaries - L. J. Smith
Genre: Alive Kai Parker, Angst, Canon Compliant, Complete, F/M, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gemini - Freeform, Gemini Coven - Freeform, Guilt, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Kai Parker had so much potential for more, Loss, Love, M/M, Magic, Other, Redemption, Romance, So did Enzo by the way, Witch Hunters, Witchcraft, Witches, season 6, until it diverges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2019-12-18 08:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 79
Words: 276,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18246551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astermaris/pseuds/Astermaris
Summary: A witch hunter is commissioned to watch the Gemini twins who are in line for their coven's leadership and finds herself more involved than she'd like. Kai/OC and lots of Parkers to be seen, but also Damon, Alaric, Enzo, Caroline, Elena, Bonnie... The Vampire Diaries never ends! This (love) story is also about family and friendship, loss and grief, forgiveness and redemption. Let's just say it's all about a different kind of love.





	1. Prologue and Chapter 1

Lightbringer

 

Have you ever had to walk or drive by a car crash and do nothing?

Not as in having to stand back because 911 told you to when you called them and you know it’s best to let them do their job, but actually having to stand by, watching and monitoring everything that happens and not being allowed to act?

Well, if you haven’t, let me tell you it is extremely difficult. Nonetheless, it is a rule that I have always observed and lived by, not necessarily because I believed it was the right thing to do but because it was the way I had been raised.

People like me don’t take any part in all the blood feuds between supernatural species. Vampires, werewolves, hybrids, spirits of all kinds; the only ones we care about are witches. They are the ones we are meant to watch, assess and report about. Then, depending on the decisions taken by our elders, we take action or withdraw. However, our taking action must not influence the course of things under any circumstances; we must only take out the witch or witches that “manifestly go astray” in the “most discreet way possible” using however “any means to said ends”. 

Yet, with all the experience I gathered within two decades on this earth and the knowledge learned from the wisdom of my elders, I went astray. I broke the rules, affected the course of things and became part of the supernatural scenery I had always been taught to watch from afar. I thought I could make a difference; hoped my good intentions and my strengths could somehow help leave the world a better place, so I entered the game.

I played by their rules for a time and then I lost.

My name is Andy Moreau and this is my story.

 

 [Lily James as Andy Moreau](https://gfycat.com/fr/scaryhandmadeconey-lily-james)

 

* * *

 

One

 

            I guess we could say it all started with a gift from Alice. We can discuss later how much of a gift it turned out to be but for me, it was a chance I didn’t dare believe in until the moment I saw my parents’ house grow smaller in the rearview of my car. I was really, actually, undoubtedly leaving our little town on the Canadian border for a new, wonderful and unpredictable adventure: college.

            Of course, as anything coming from Alice, it did not come for free; I, second lieutenant of the clan, was certainly not to set off somewhere completely out of the family’s reach, and my choice of a college definitely wasn’t my own. I was being sent where one of us was needed, being assigned to a case and expected to assess and report the situation, as in any other mission. The way I occupied my free time and kept my cover rolling was not the clan’s concern and knowing that, knowing how much I craved for a normal existence and an undergrad education, Alice had volunteered me.

            My rank and my willingness to go undercover on a campus had been an advantage in the negotiations; the elders knew what I was capable of and didn’t oppose any objection, so only my father was not overjoyed with the idea of sending me so far from home for a mission that wasn’t limited in time. Fortunately, Alice was head of the clan: her decisions were law.

As a result, I left on a sunny morning of summer and drove south all the way from Vermont to Virginia, all packed up and ready to attend classes at Whitmore College. As I drove and drove for hours, windows open, music loud and hair in the wind, I couldn’t stop smiling to myself, not once. I remember casting a glance to the file resting on the passenger seat every now and then, just to remind myself that I wasn’t entirely free, that I was on a mission. Regardless, going undercover as a student was the best thing that had ever happened to me and still today, I am very grateful for it.

I remember pulling into the parking lot that first day, already wearing my nice-college-girl uniform as I called it. Of course, I couldn’t just go around wearing my dark combat leathers: I needed to adapt to my environment and so, my wardrobe was now mostly composed of plain blue, white or green tank tops, jeans shorts, summer dresses and cute shoes. My hair, naturally brown and usually held up high on a tight and flawless ponytail was now a nice golden shade of blond and loose on my shoulders. Good-bye for now, witch-hunter look, hello sweet-freshman-Andy.

This look I had chosen for myself didn’t render me any less lethal, but I would definitely come across as an innocent and average college human, who could fit in and get discreetly acquainted with all my targets for investigation. No one ever really pays attention to the nice girl next door looking around, so that was my plan; and it worked for a good while.

That same day, after I was done dealing with the paperwork and moving in, I took care to show up at the _Scull Bar_ downtown McKinley, where I had scheduled an interview for a position as bartender. Alice had not fed me the details but I knew it had been a great deal of indirect networking to have my curriculum appear on top of the pile and be selected by the manager. I remember Dominic didn’t have much time for me that day: he showed me around, introduced me to a few staff members that were here and after a short Q and A, gave me a contract to read and sign and said my first shift would start the next day at noon.

            This side job was a perfect opportunity for me: a bar was always a good place to hear gossip and I knew one of my targets was working there. Besides, it would actually help with my fees and everyday expenses; plus, it was a place where I felt rather confident and somewhat at home. Indeed, after graduating from high school, I knew there was little chance for me to ever attend university, which didn’t stop me from wishing and dreaming – maybe a little too loud to go unnoticed by my family. I was already an active member of the clan and, when I was not on mission somewhere in the States or over the border, I was a bartender at a local bar in our town, _Zola’s_ , and saving money in hope to take a couple more courses online next year. Now I didn’t need to save for online courses anymore, since attending classes had become real, but the experience collected at _Zola’s_ would be put to good use.

And this is how it started; how I met and gradually became friends with my three targets. I knew there were more people involved, vampires and werewolves running around but they were not my case, witches were. I put in the time, the words and the smiles to become the nice friend; not the one they would talk about while they were in a middle of a supernatural crisis – which, I have to mention, happened surprisingly often around here – but I was there to hear pieces of conversations and witness scenes, all the while remaining silent and unseen.

True to my nature and my duty toward my clan, I reported twice a month and diligently followed the orders I received. Though it was all part of my mission, it was a thin line between acting as a friend and actually being one, and in the course of a few months, this life became my own; I had grown used to it. I was not prepared for everything that was about to happen.

 

**_McKinley, Virginia – May 2012_ **

            I stir in my sleep and wake completely, eyes squinting at the diffused first lights of morning. I stare blankly at the sky before I realize it is of rather clear color and not as dark as it is supposed to be. _Shit_. I roll over and fold the sheets around my naked body as I silently leave the room, picking up clothes where I can spot them. My purse is there on the couch and I grab my phone on the table. The battery died, no wonder the alarm didn’t go off.

            I contain a sigh and glance up at the clock: nearly six. _Shit._ I waste no time as I get dressed and leave the building. When entering my suite, I come across Jessica. Since the brown-haired party queen doesn’t raise a questioning eyebrow at me, I figure she has just risen from bed and I head directly to my room, sparing us both any risk at conversation; I know better than to talk to her before her first coffee.

            During my run across the woods, I keep glancing at my black sports watch and cursing myself for my indulgence of last night. I don’t go over to a guy’s place very often but I know that when I do, I inevitably wake up later than usual and miss part of my morning training, which is bad for several reasons. First, it is not that easy when you are in college to just ‘find the time’ to do stuff. Going to classes and studying takes time, working at the bar takes time and so do having a social life and monitoring my witches. So try fitting hobbies such as hand-to-hand combat or knife fighting in your schedule while keeping it a secret. Not very easy, right?

            The second reason why I hate missing my morning training is because I am simply used to having it; I have been used to it for years now, it keeps me going and when I don’t get all that energy out of my system I get rather prickly. I just don’t like missing it, which is why it hardly ever happens. Eric’s blue eyes though. As my lips stretch in a smile, I exhale deeply and start running my way back.

 

*****

 

The door opens and, as Mrs Gordon stops talking and looks up, everybody turn their head toward the late runner. Liv has the decency to look the part when she gives our professor an apologetic face and mouths the word ‘sorry’, then she begins walking toward her usual seat. She comes to a halt when noticing it is occupied and I see her exchange a glance with someone – probably her twin Lucas – before spotting a free slot next to me.

            She casually sits down and takes a pen and a notebook out of her backpack before leaning back in her seat and staring angrily at the guy a few rows ahead of us. The phrase ‘If looks could kill’ crosses my mind but I keep any thought to myself, knowing better than to draw her attention on me right now.  Ladies and gentlemen, may I present ‘Stealing away Liv’s time with her precious brother’, or How To Make Liv Parker Very Angry In One Faux-Pas.

            This scene reminds me a lot of the first time she came to sit next to me, last semester: I had only been at Whitmore College for a couple weeks and I had barely established contact with all three targets, her being the first one because we worked at the _Scull Bar_ together. And that morning, I remember her coming in late and staring daggers at the brunette sitting next to Lucas. She quickly scanned the room, identified me as “Newbie-Andy”, as Clarke used to call me at work, and came to fill the free slot next to me.

After some time, Liv shared a thought on the brunette trying to make a move on her brother and how that should be fun to watch, to which I barely shrugged, saying Lucas was cute and she simply retorted that he was gay. The fact that I didn’t look affected or anything probably earned me a couple points and when I mocked disappointment and joked about having to find someone else to marry, she smirked.

Olivia Parker _smirked_ at my joke, meaning it was possible that we had the same kind of sarcastic humor. I think that made me friend material and that is probably when she started warming up to me – in her own way. That day was the day I gave her my phone so she could enter her contact and she hesitantly handed me hers, allowing me, with a few moments of inattention on her part, to plant a tracker on the device. True progress indeed.

            I focus back on the class, typing my notes on my laptop and several minutes go by before the girl next to me sighs heavily. I finish typing a sentence before distractedly turning my head to her, raising a brow. Meeting my gaze, Liv shoots an angry look at the intruder sitting next to her brother before glancing back at me and the smirk I offer her.

            Liv nudges me and pulls a fair, curly lock of hair behind her ear before glancing at my screen and jolting down a few words. I only enlarge the font size so she can see without squinting and we don’t speak for the rest of the class. Liv and I are very different persons but we are pretty much the same when it comes to company: we talk to people when necessary – and I am much better at it than her, by the way – but we are also very comfortable with silence. This is probably the reason why, of all three targets, she is the one I ended up getting closer to.

            When the class is over, Liv and I leave the room together and we only take a few steps because I know she is waiting for her brother.

“So how was Occult Studies anyway?”

“Interesting enough,” I answer, “Though you would say you didn’t learn anything new.”

“Right. I mean, I _would_ come but it’s so early,” she complains, “Johnson’s theories are interesting though,” she shrugs, “Sometimes.”

            I snort, “You say that like you know better than him.”

“Maybe I do,” she says with a mysterious smirk, and I know damn well she does.

“I’m sorry, did you get a PhD in Occult Studies since last night?” I mock, “Cause I’m pretty sure that’s what it takes to be a lecturer here at Whitmore.”

“Yeah,” she jokes with a wince, “I declined the position when they offered it to me. The wages were okay but the part where I’m supposed to teach… I mean, the students…” she trails off, mocking disgust.

“I wouldn’t want to have you as a student,” I laugh.

“I wouldn’t want to have me as a student,” she nods, “Will you email me your notes though?”

“Already have. It’s not the first time you’ve skipped the class.”

“Thanks, mom,” she mocks, checking her phone for said email.

            We come to a halt and turn around to see Lucas wave goodbye to the guy from our literature class and walk toward us. Luke is a very cute guy; he has the same light blond hair as Liv, a wider and easier smile and his eyes are a light blue whereas Liv’s are a blueish gray. Although they look very alike, their personalities couldn’t be more different. I mean, they are very close and protective of each other, very loyal and serious, but they are like the sun and the moon: Lucas is fun, easygoing and full of heartwarming smiles when you know him, while Olivia is prickly, unbothered and bitchy. She has her own humor and she can be pretty sensitive too but it is not something anyone gets to see; it certainly took several months before she let me in. Sort of.

            “Enjoyed the class?, Liv asks him rather sharply, “Or were you too distracted by that guy making eyes at you?”

“Don’t be like that, Liv,” her brother answers with a smile, “We were listening. And had you been on time, Jason wouldn’t have taken your seat in the first place.”

“Jason, huh?” I discreetly say and I get a playful wink from Lucas.

“I overslept,” she half snaps, “It happens.”

“I guess it does,” he mocks before adding, “But then, you’re not the only one.”

            My lips twitch in an amused smile before I realize he is staring at me, his head cocked. Liv’s gaze follows and my face freezes as I quickly try to figure out what gave me away.

“What?” I ask.

            Lucas raises a hand and pulls on a golden lock of mine, “Your hair was still kinda wet when you came in. You showered late.”

            _Damn_. He really _is_ good at noticing stuff, which wouldn’t be so concerning if I didn’t have so many things to hide. We stare at each other for what seems to be a long moment. Sometimes, I feel like he knows that there is more to my story than I let on and it’s like he wants me to remember that if he wanted to, he could very well find me out. Our silence is broken by Liv, who conveniently clears her throat, arching a playful brow at me as her lips stretch in a smirk, “Struggle to getting up, didn’t we? Cutie I saw you with at the bar last night?”

“You didn’t notice; you don’t get to ask,” I say with a shrug, “Anyway, I’m gonna grab something to eat before my shift. See you later.”

            As usual, I don’t wait for their answer to take my leave and that is why, as usual, it only takes them a shared glance before I hear Liv’s voice, “Hey, we’re hitting the Commons for lunch. Wanna join?”


	2. Two

            As I close the door behind me, I can hear voices in the tiny living room of the suite. Two brown-haired girls are talking and the one sitting on the couch with an open book on her lap looks up at me and smiles, “Hi, Andy.”

            The second one, sitting on the floor with a couple piles of CDs surrounding her, turns around and flashes me a devilish smile, “Hey, you. What’up?” I was heading to my room but I spare a minute to talk with my suitemates. The one with short, dark hair and cute glasses is Tina, our official bookworm. Over the past few months, I have grown to like discussing my British Lit courses with her and other books that we have read. She is genuinely kind and generous with her heart-warming smiles and I never need to act all sweet-Andy when I am around her; it is a trait that people bring out for her naturally.

            Then, there is Jessica, the care-free party queen that couldn’t be more of a cliché if she were blond of hair. She is the one who insisted on going to that party where I first met Bonnie Bennett and her vampire best friends last semester, but I”ll come back to that. Jessica’s sense of humor is more like mine and Liv’s, sharper than Tina’s, and she shamelessly flirts with everybody; I even get the impression she’s hitting on me sometimes.

“Not much,” I answer, casually sitting on the couch’s armrest, looking down at her CDs, “What’s that?”

“I got these at the second-hand sale that was on at the stadium this morning.”

“Oh right, how did that go?”

“Pretty good; Tina found a couple books she was pretty excited about and I got us new ideas for our music nights.” She gives me a satisfied smile and giggles. Her room being right next to mine, she heard me play the guitar and sing very early on, saying I should learn to play this song and that one so we can spend nights singing together while she bakes. At first, I was hoping Tina would be against it for some reason but she turned out to be an even better singer than I am and it sort of became a ritual on Tuesday and Thursday nights, when I’m not working at the bar. It actually gives me time to practice some songs for the singing club I conveniently attend with Tina and Target number 3, aka Bonnie Bennett. I usually roll my eyes at Jessica’s requests for songs but I must admit we have been having quite some fun on those nights

“Yeah, about that…,” I lean in and cast a glance at the pile of newly-acquired books sitting next to Tina. She grins at me when I notice an old copy of _The Great Gatsby_ and I shake my head with a smile; I believe she has six copies of that book, a great favorite of hers.

“About that, what?” Jess asks and I report my attention on her fully. I open my mouth and say nothing. Of course, I was not about to tell her that something has been up with my witches and that I am going to have a lot on my plate soon and so I won’t get to just come home at night and spend some quality time with my suitemates because I’ll be off to God-knows-where, monitoring my Gemini Twins. Of course, I was not going to tell her that. I was going to say something about finals coming up and needing to study but instead, silence fills my mouth. I don’t want to lie to them.

            Somehow, coming home every night to this suite has been a relief. It might be the only place on campus where I don’t need to act or watch people. Don’t get me wrong, I like what I do and I am one of the best at it, but doing it twenty-four-seven tends to drive me nuts sometimes, and I sincerely enjoy being able to come back to this safe heaven every night. Here, I can simply be myself, moody or kind as I might feel. The three of us couldn’t be more different and the cohabitation could be a lot more difficult than it is, yet it has been working out perfectly so far. Here, with these girls, I have been free in a way I can’t be with Liv, or anyone else.

            It’s funny in a way, because they literally know nothing about my real life but somehow, they know the real me. They may not know that my holy sacred mission is to hunt bad witches but we’ve been living together for months and they know me; they know my habits, my tastes, a couple of my girl secrets; and I don’t want to lie to them. I don’t want to stop spending time with them either, so I shake my head and give Jess a smile. “Just no more Taylor Swift, please.”

“Oh, come on,” Jess mocks while Tina laughs, “I mean, I understand the whole ‘wanting to be cool’ thing and saying she’s meh, but I know that deep down, you find her songs catchy and you secretly sing her tunes in the shower, just like everybody else.” We laugh and I look at my phone after hearing the message tune. It’s just an event alert I set in order to remind myself that I’m supposed to report tonight. I say nothing as reality creeps back and breaks my bubble of time off. “…all I’m saying is: your singing club has liked all the songs I’ve picked up for you to learn this semester, so I’m pretty damn sure to know my business. Taylor Swift, I say; always a good hit. But hey, since you’re being picky, try these.”

            I take the list she hands me, still focused on my phone, as I stand up, “Okay, I’ll look it up.”

            I hear the girls talk about having a massive party before the semester ends and it strikes a chord to think they have nothing more than finals, parties and boys to worry about. Anyway, I head to my room and sit down at my desk, loading a course on my tablet before grabbing my books. I have been drowning with all the reading assignments lately but I guess I can’t really send a note to my professors, saying ‘hey, sorry I didn’t do the homework, I was busy spying on witches.’

            As I read and take notes for the next hour and a half, I don’t realize I have come to a state of peace until my phone buzzes. I turn off the alarm for ‘home call’ and sigh. I then clear my desk and take out from the only locked drawer the files I have composed so far. When my phone shows 22:00, I dial the number and wait.

“Andy,” the male voice greets me after one ringtone, “It’s good to hear from you, how have you been?”

“Doing good; you?”

“Pretty good, thank you. So, are you alone?”

“Yep, alone and ready to report.”

“Good. You haven’t forgotten I’ll be hearing your report tonight; Alice is on a mission right now.”

“I know, she texted me. Am I allowed to know what–”

“Strictly confidential,” Jared gently interrupts me, “ _But_ , as it happens to be about _your_ mission, I’ll give you this: last time you called, you mentioned a group of witches called the Travelers. Now we have our own records about them but the elders did insist on Alice getting fresher information, so she’s taken a little trip with a team. We’ll tell you more when we have something to share. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to eavesdrop on conversations about them.”

“Wow, you seem to know quite a lot about my mission already,” I simply say.

“I am first lieutenant, Andy, I know about everybody’s missions. However, I don’t know all the details about everything so you’ll have to fill me in on a couple things, okay?”

            I nod before answering by the affirmative and starting talking, “So as you know, I’ve been assigned to these three witches: Bonnie Bennett, of the Virginia Bennett bloodline, and Lucas and Olivia Parker, from the Gemini Coven.”

“I’m following.”

“I successfully established one-way contact with the three of them last semester: I meet with Bonnie twice a week at a singing club, though she has been missing it lately, and we share an Occult Studies class together with Olivia.”

“Bonnie Bennett…,” he trails off, reading his notes, “Didn’t you say quite early on that she didn’t have magic anymore?”

“I didn’t say no magic at all,” I correct, “I simply said that her Light didn’t seem like the average witch Light. It seems…bleak, dead or dormant. I’m not sure whether she _has_ magic or not, but what I’m positive about is: she doesn’t have access to it.”

“Okay, so you kept watching her anyway, good call.”

“Yeah, well there’s a lot of supernatural stuff going on around here and she’s still in the loop with her vampire friends when it comes to crises, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up finding her way back to her magic.”

“Good to know, then what about the other two?”

“I’ve been focusing my efforts on the twins. As you know, I work at the _Scull Bar_ with Liv; I also share two classes with her. One with Bonnie, as I said, and one with her brother Luke, plus we have lunch together sometimes; when they feel like letting me in.”

“Did you get that close to them?”

“Closer than anyone else on campus, I would say, but definitely not as close as normal people would call it. I only get to spend time with them because I’m the nice girl who’s figured out a way to be friends with Liv, but if I get too nosy or too present, they’ll shut me out.”

“Hm. That’s one hell of a vibe that you have going on here,” he mocks, “Do you know why they behave like that?”

“Every coven of witches have their own secrets you know, but they also have a heavy past.”

“Right, the Gemini file mentions some family slaughter when they were kids…” he trails off as I nod and he asks, “Don’t we know more about that?”

“I’ve asked Alice but the record is sealed. It goes back to when my dad was leader of the clan and he refused to tell her about it when she went to ask him.”

“Hm. So, creepy-sibling-murder-no-one-knows-about when they were four, I guess they have every right to be on edge.”

“It’s not just that. I mean, they don’t talk about their family or their childhood and, of course, surviving a family slaughter committed by your own brother leaves its marks, but more than that, I can sense that even though both of them are very powerful witches, Luke is stronger.”

“Stronger,” Jared repeats, thinking.

“Yeah. I mean, Liv acts all reckless and ruthless, like she’s some badass bitch, which she undoubtedly is, but I think that deep down, she knows Lucas is the stronger one.

“Wait, is that why she’s the chronically unhappy one? Because she’s jealous of her brother?”

“No, I’m talking about the upcoming merge.” Silence meets my words and I can almost see him squint, trying to make sense of it all. “It’s a tradition in the Gemini Coven–”

“Oh right,” he cuts me off, “Like a– magic battle for leadership or something. I’ve read about that.”

“Yes,” I confirm patiently, “when they turn twenty-two, Gemini twins merge for leadership. The stronger one absorbs the magic and life of the weaker one and becomes coven leader.”

“Isn’t that weird,” he comments.

“Some ancient, barbaric tradition,” I shrug, trying not to sound too affected, “Which means that next January, when they turn twenty-two, they’ll be waiting around for a celestial event to merge.”

“Okay, so you’ll stay put at least until then…” He trails off and I know he’s writing it all down, “And you’re saying Olivia is the weaker one? Do they know that?”

“I don’t know but if I was able to sense it, I think they might have a clue. I mean, she’s literally the one target that is still unpredictable to me. The other two present no threat whatsoever but Liv… she’s emotionally unstable; I think she knows she’s going to lose next year and die…” I trail off, realizing that the curly blonde girl I have grown to like will probably die a little less than a year from now. Isn’t that weird, to know that you have an expiration date?

“Which would leave you with only one full-time witch to keep an eye on. I mean, a super powerful one, but still, less problems by the minute.”  

            I clench my jaw and say nothing, knowing it to be a lost battle at this point. “So that covers the generals,” Jared says, “What’s new since your last call?”

“Well, I’ve witnessed a whole lot of supernatural crises over the past few months and it was sort of calming down but recently, a couple new characters have entered the stage,” I announce, looking over my notes, “Mainly Lorenzo St-John, a vampire who’s friends with the Salvatore brothers; or at least with the eldest. He doesn’t have much contact with the witches but he might have something to do with those Travelers and he seems rather unstable. There is also Tyler Lockwood, he’s a hybrid vampire-werewolf; he comes from Mystic Falls. He’s been part of that supernatural gang for years now, but I’ve seen him hang around Whitmore College more often for some time; along with a Matt Donovan, a human with a magical ring that revives him when he dies of supernatural death–”

“Great,” Jared mutters as he takes notes.

“…And, new to the college party, Jeremy Gilbert.”

“Gilbert. That name sounds familiar…”

“His sister Elena is a vampire and she’s Bonnie’s best friend.”

“That’s right, and there’s another vampire best friend, I recall–”

“Caroline Forbes,” I cut him off, nodding.

“That’s quite a lot of vampires,” Jared admits.

“Yep. You have no idea how hard it’s been to monitor my witches discreetly when there’s a vampire on every corner of the street.”

“Trust me, I know what it’s like,” Jared chuckles, “My first mission undercover with Alice? Freaking nests of vampires everywhere. And don’t get me started on the werewolves.”

“Honestly, a couple of them would deserve a–”

“Ah-ah, Andy,” he cuts me off, “You know the rules. You can’t lay a finger on vampires unless they’ve attacked you first. And even then, your case would be hard to defend.”

“I know. Which brings me back to little Gilbert being in the loop: he’s a vampire hunter, possibly from The Five.”

“Huh. Ironic, considering his sister is a vampire. Has he recognized you as a fellow hunter?”

“No, I don’t think he would know how to acknowledge someone who hunts from a different branch. I haven’t seen him a lot but it hit me right away, you know, his Light–”

“His Light was different.”

“I’ve seen him pause when he sees me, like, he can sense there’s something going on with me but he didn’t say anything, so I don’t know whether he knows anything about us.”

“Okay then, keep it that way. At least you have a person to count on if it all goes to hell. Anything else I should know?”

“Again, whispers about the Travelers, so I don’t know what’s going on with that but I don’t like it. Especially when Liv has been spending so much time in Mystic Falls lately.”

“Really? I thought Mystic Falls was Bonnie’s hometown; I didn’t know Olivia even knew it.”

“The tracker I planted on her phone has been going there though, together with Bonnie’s and, more rarely, with Luke’s.”

“Huh. Do you know where they were going exactly?”

“Mostly Lockwood Manor and the _Mystic Grill_ when it comes to Liv; and the Salvatore Mansion for Luke.”

“You know what that means…” Jared trails off.

“Yep: my three targets have acknowledged each other as fellow witches and they are now probably working together on something highly mysterious.”

“Exactly. It would make sense that this vampire gang is looking for a new witch since Bonnie can’t access her magic for some reason.” I nod and I can hear him sigh, “Alright, I need you to find out what your witches are up to when they go to Mystic Falls and let us know anything you hear about the Travelers.”

“Will do.”

“Good work here, Andy.”

“Thanks.” We say goodbye and we hang up.


	3. Chapter 3

Three

 

            “Alright, I think that’s gonna be all for today,” Carla says, taking a look at her wrist watch. “The video of our _Cinco de Mayo_ gig will be uploaded online over the weekend, so feel free to like it and share it on social media, you guys did a very good job. Oh, and don’t forget to confirm whether or not you’ll be singing with us at the End-of-the-year-fiesta, it will be our last gathering of this school year and it’s gonna be a lot of fun. I have emailed you the list of the songs we’ll be performing, nothing new to learn, just the couple hits we’ve all liked to sing together. Alright, have a good one, see you on Tuesday.”

            We all nod, respond or applaud Carla’s words and our group disperses, people gathering their stuff and leaving for lunch. As I see Bonnie get closer to our club president in a somewhat timid step, I wave a distant goodbye to my suitemate Tina and decide to join my target. I haven’t seen much of her lately, and though I was a bit surprised that she showed up this morning, my senses were on alert mode right away.

The first time I ever saw Bonnie Bennett was last semester, at a party where Jessica dragged both her suitemates in order to have fun and get to know each other. I didn’t really protest and decided to roll with the flow, and that’s when I spotted her in the crowd: a little bit shorter than me, black hair, dark skin, beautiful green eyes, and this strength and _joie de vivre_ despite her bleak witch Light. I knew right away that something was off with my witch’s magic but the girl didn’t seem affected by it, she was simply enjoying life with her two vampire friends, Caroline and Elena.

I am clueless regarding what’s happened to her magic but throughout the year, I always thought she had this presence and this chin-up attitude for someone who couldn’t practice witchcraft anymore. I am a rather good observer and this pale version of her, all lost and shy and discreet as hell, is not the powerful-yet-magicless witch I am accustomed to. This is what tipped me off.

“…So I don’t know yet whether I’ll be able to join on our last gig,” Bonnie is saying as I step close enough to signal I’m waiting for a chat with Carla as well, without seeming to eavesdrop.

“I understand,” our president tells her with a heart-warming smile, placing a hand on Bonnie’s wrist, “But if you _can_ join us, even if it’s last minute, please do; it’ll be an absolute pleasure to have you.”

“Thanks.”

            Bonnie tries to smile and looks at the ground and this is when I gently step in, “Hey Carla, Bonnie, sorry to interrupt, I just gotta be quick ‘cause I’m heading out to work but I wanted to let you know that I’m very not sure whether I’ll be able to attend our last gig. I have a lot of personal stuff going on and I really don’t know if I’ll be able to make it.”

“Oh no, you too?” Carla asks and we can both hear how much it simply pains her not to have us at this last performance of the year.

            I hate to ditch her and the others because this is my only normal-person hobby and I like it a lot, and I like our little group, but if my witches continue running around, talking about Travelers, there’s a high possibility that I’m gonna be very busy for the next few weeks.

“I know; I’m sorry. I’ll try to make it but in case I don’t, you should definitely make sure to bring your own guitar for the music accompaniment.”

“Yes, of course,” Carla nods and I can see her eyebrows knitting, already worried that this something personal of mine could be really bad. “But as I was telling Bonnie just now, try and keep me posted, and if you can show up in the end, even if you don’t have time to text me, please do come, it’ll be a very good surprise. Okay?”

            I nod, both Bonnie and I looking as sorry as we feel to be missing our last gig with the team, and we watch her leave, left to our own thoughts. A minute passes by and I stand near the witch, who is still lost in thoughts, until the silence of this empty room seems to wake her. She gathers her purse and her jacket and I say, “Hey, it’s been nice having you this morning.”

            She blinks and looks up at me, as if wondering who I am. It is weird coming from her because, though we are not best friends, I made a serious point of talking to her quite often during our sessions and this has been going on for a year now, so she knows who I am. She only seems far away so I keep on, “It’s just– I haven’t seen you in a while, I was wondering how you were doing.”

            She has this smile then, like she remembers I’m only some innocent human who gets through life, completely oblivious and clueless regarding the supernatural world, and who wouldn’t believe nor understand anything she’s been going through lately. I know that smile; it is one I often give Tina and Jess. She nods, looking for the right words and says, “You know, personal drama with boyfriend and a couple health problems, so I’ve been staying home a lot.”

“Oh, okay,” I say cautiously, “I hope nothing too alarming.”

            She shrugs and we leave the room. As we walk through the corridors, she decides to simply tell me about her boyfriend Jeremy – yes, Jeremy as in Jeremy Gilbert, the little vampire hunter. I know – with whom she’s been having some sort of melodramatic crisis that wasn’t really one or whatever. She doesn’t elaborate on the health issues and I don’t press her. I have learned it is generally best to remain silent for only a moment longer and people will keep talking without me having to ask further.

            It turns out she’s heading to the _Scull Bar_ too and we keep chatting until a male voice interrupts us, “Hey, Andy, long time no see.”

            We come to a stop and acknowledge the tall feature and the broad shoulders of a sandy blond guy with bright blue eyes. He smiles at us both but I can feel the burn of his stare on me and I clear my throat before saying, “Eric, hi.”

“You… forgot to call me,” he slowly says with a playful smile that would probably work if I didn’t have other things to think about right now, “or to text.”

“These things go both way, you know,” I simply retort and his grin widens.

“Well, you’re the one who disappeared before I even woke up.”

            Bonnie arches a brow and gives me an appreciative smile.

“I know, I meant to text you and then I got caught up in all sorts of things and I kinda forgot–”

“That was last week,” he counters with another smile, “You want to have me believe that you didn’t think of me since last week, not once.”

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Bonnie discreetly tells me, placing a hand on my arm, “It was good talking to you, I hope we do that again soon.”

“Same,” I smile. “And remember you’re on for a shooters night after finals.”

            She pauses to look at me, solemn and wise, as if securing me in her memory, and for a second, I sense something big and bad coming her way.

“Bye, Andy,” she finally says and she turns around, resuming her walk toward the bar.

            I stare at her for a moment and it’s Eric’s rambling about waiting for news that brings me back to reality. I look up at him and decide he’s annoying me more than he’s being successful at trying to seduce me right now, and I don’t want to hide it.

“Hey, look,” I say as patiently as I can, “We had a lot of fun last week and it was great but it’s not– it’s not really becoming a thing, you know.”

Eric loses his smile and frowns, “But you like me, I know you do.”

“I do,” I confirm, trying to be as gentle as possible, “I do like you, but we’re not– we’re not in a relationship and… though it _was_ really nice to spend some time together, I think it might be time for us both to move on.”

“You mean me,” he understands, “It’s time for _me_ to move on because, for some reason, you don’t want to date me.”

“More like I don’t want to date _anyone_ at the moment, which I told you before we headed to your place, and you were fine with that.”

“I was–”

“So, how about we keep up with what we agreed on and simply go our separate ways for a while; which doesn’t exclude saying hi or having fun from time to time, what do you say?”

“So you’re making me your bootie-call?”

“Uh, I think I’m making us friends, with the possibility to share a night from time to time, since we both enjoyed it the last time around.”

“Wow. Unbelievable.”

“It’s take it or leave it, Eric,” I say gently, “I don’t have anything else to offer.”

“Then I think I’ll just leave it. I’m looking for more than an occasional hook-up.”

“And I can’t blame you.”

            I sound and feel sorry about it but I am firm and determined, and Eric making eyes at me won’t change my mind. Eventually, he wishes me a good day and leaves, somewhat thrown off to have been rejected, which is certainly not a treatment he gets very often. I sigh and watch him leave, not really regretting any of this conversation. I warned him that first night and he was fine with it. Is it my fault if he decided he wanted more all of a sudden and I still don’t? I don’t think so. But had I clung hard to him, desperate for him to become my boyfriend, he probably wouldn’t even have tried to see me again. Guys, really.

            I am still shaking my head, the shadow of a smile on my lips as I remember our night together, when I enter the _Scull Bar_. I immediately notice Bonnie studying with two of her vampire friends, Elena Gilbert and Stefan Salvatore. The witch looks up and smiles at me, and I wave back as I come closer to the counter, where Liv is busy washing glasses.

“What are you doing here?” she immediately asks with a frown.

“Hello to you, too,” I answer emphatically, as I take my lunch bag out of my purse and sit down, “I was hoping to have lunch here but I might leave since the bartender is in such a good mood.”

            She doesn’t smile or joke, she simply leans over the bar and says rather darkly, “Well you can’t have it here. Now take your stupid little sandwich and go eat it elsewhere.”

“Wow, you really are in a good mood,” I simply notice, snatching a napkin next to her and settling in.

“I am not kidding,” Liv slowly insists, her eyes darting toward the door from time to time.

            I immediately hold back the questions about who she might be expecting with so much defiance and why she wouldn’t want me around because I know she’ll just shut me out if I ask, so I say nothing and take a bite out of my sandwich. “Andy, this is serious, you shouldn’t be here.”

“Actually I should. My shift starts in about fifteen minutes.”

“You’re not working today,” she counters harshly, “Clarke is.”

“He asked me to fill in for him this afternoon and in exchange for the favor, he’s taking my Saturday night shift. Guess who is going to whatever frat’ party will be going on that night?” I say with more enthusiasm but she doesn’t flinch.

“Anyway, I think I’m gonna close up, it’s kinda dead. You should go home.”

            I snort and give an emphatic look around; dozens of students are silently studying in small groups all over the place. The _Scull Bar_ is definitely not as loud as it is used to being but it’s far from dead. Liv’s mouth opens and I can see she’s struggling between wanting to tell me something and not wanting to. Welcome to my life, Liv. She eventually folds her arms and snorts with displeasure before leaving me to my brief lunch.

            When I come back downstairs after leaving my stuff in the locker room, ready to get to work, I come face to face with Liv and Bonnie talking alone and I really wish I could be invisible in order to eavesdrop as I please.

“What?” I heard Liv ask in her oh-so-charming-voice.

“Nothing. Not really nothing. More like a rhetorical question about how to fix an imploding supernatural purgatory.”

            And that’s all I get before they abruptly stop talking as I come close. I give them a casual ‘hey’ with a smile and go look for something by the cash register, hoping they’ll continue their conversation where they stopped it, but unfortunately, that is also when the door opens and Liv’s face falls, “Oh great, he’s here.”

            She casts her version of a concerned glance over at me and sighs, somehow bracing herself for what is coming, while I look up to see who just entered the bar. Tall, short black hair, dark eyes, light olive complexion and handsome. I take in the vampire’s cocky smirk as Bonnie, still talking to Liv, confirms his identity, “You know Enzo?”

“Yep; not a fan.”

            The vampire and her share a glance from across the room and I watch him go sit down and talk to Elena and Stefan. I discreetly keep an eye on them and I know Liv and Bonnie are doing exactly the same thing. Over time, I have learned not to feel threatened by Stefan or Elena, they seem to be good vampires but this one, this Enzo St-John, I hardly know him and from the intel I have collected, he is more like Damon Salvatore, aka the bad brother of the vampire community. Now I don’t know what is going on but it can’t be good.

            Suddenly, Enzo rises up and loudly asks Liv for a little service at their table. Nobody looks up from their books to hush him, which is kind of weird, but I don’t miss the concerned glance Liv gives me before biting her lip and walking over to him. She casually lifts her hand and starts chanting the witch way, just like that, in front of everybody. Her invisible powers immediately obey and I can perceive the beautiful and strong Light of her magic swirl around her arm toward Elena and Stefan, who immediately cling to their heads, their faces distorting with pain.

“Liv, what are you doing? Stop!” Bonnie shouts, dashing next to her, and once again, no one in the bar moves a muscle. Even _I_ don’t know what to do.

“I can’t stop, sorry,” she grits through her teeth, giving Enzo a look.

“That’s my fault, really,” he says before speaking up, “Where’s Luke?”

            The backdoor leading to Dominic’s office opens behind me and I turn back to see Lucas being held out in the room while Enzo explains he’s compelled a couple blokes from the ‘rugby team’ to keep his life in jeopardy so that should the witch disobey, he will die.

            So that’s it. Liv is not purposefully hurting people with her magic, she’s being manipulated, used as a weapon, and this vampire has certainly done his homework, because there is no better leverage than Luke’s life when it comes to her. But now I am not hidden somewhere out of sight; I am in the same room as them, witnessing the whole scene and I am definitely not invisible. My witch is not going astray; on the contrary, she is being threatened and used for evil; taking her out is not an option. Nonetheless, I need to make a decision. Do I do something? Am I even allowed to act in such a case? And if I do act, what am I supposed to do exactly?

Luke and I share a glance.

“There’s a good soldier,” Enzo purrs and Liv interrupts her chanting, which results in Elena and Stefan’s pains to cease, “Okay, Stefan. Are you ready to talk about what you did to the love of my life?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So here we go, entering the TVD timeline for real. I've taken a couple chapters to build Andy in the story and give her her own consistency. We're reaching the end of season 5, and I can't wait to share what's coming up next :)


	4. Chapter 4

Four

 

            “What do you think you’re doing?”

All heads snap towards me and I can see Liv cock her head slightly, ardently wishing I had said nothing. Sorry, little witch, but while there’s a whole group of people here who are obviously compelled not to intervene, I am not. Meaning I have to react one way or another. Now, I barely had a couple seconds to decide, but since I am not personally under attack, and no human is actually in danger of dying – yet –, I might as well react like a normal, powerless girl before I blow my cover.

            The vampire cocks his head and steps toward me, and I can see Liv clench her fists and purse her lips. She knows that if she says something in order to protect me, her defenseless human friend, then I’ll become one more leverage Enzo can use against her. He pauses right in front of me and I look up at him, unflinching. Go ahead, buddy; all I need from you is a touch.

One. Attempt. At. Killing. Me. And you’re off the map. “I’m calling the police; you should leave.”

“Hm,” he smirks, “standing up to the bad guy; you definitely are a brave girl. I guess that’s what saves you today.”

            He then locks his gaze on mine and I can see his pupil dilate as a shimmer of magic Light crosses his brown eyes. He is compelling me; or trying to. I try not to move as I go along with that scenario; at least it’ll give me time to think about what to do next. “What’s your name, love?”

“Andy,” I answer blankly.

“Andy, darling, I want you to obey my every command today and not question me once, okay?”

            I nod and he gives me a smile, “Good girl. Now how about you go get me a drink? I feel like this day is going to be long.”

            I remain expressionless as I go and perform my duty, all the while assessing the situation. At least now, he won’t bother about me and if things go to hell, he won’t see me coming. I must be very cautious about how I act today; it’s not like I can simply call for help: the rest of the clan is at a day’s drive from here and I don’t really expect baby-vampire-hunter-Gilbert to enter the bar and do his damn job. I’m on my own.

            From where I stand across the bar, I can hear Lucas’ plea to his sister as she hands him a glass of water, “Tell him to use me instead.”

“I don’t really think he’s up for taking orders. Besides, I’m older than you.”

“By five minutes–”

“Get him out of here. Now,” Enzo’s voice resonates in the rather silent hall.

“Wait– what are you doing?” Liv asks with panic as the two football players grab her brother.

“Get. Him. Out. Too many witches under one roof really makes me nervous.”

            The vampire is losing patience and, when he sees me glance at Lucas, who’s disappearing behind that door, he clenches his jaw. “You, fake-blondie–”

“Andy,” I blankly correct.

“Whatever; go with Luke and make sure he stays put. I’ll let you know if he needs to die.”

            I share a glance with Liv before taking in the scene I am leaving behind: dozens of students still compelled not to pay attention, as well as a powerless witch and two vampires. I don’t know how this is going to play out but these two seem to be our best shot. Well, _my_ best shot, really. I would hate to blow my cover because of some vampire going rogue. It’s not my damn business after all.

            When I enter Dominic’s office, I don’t close the door behind me. The football guys are already leaving Lucas tied up to a chair. Half of them is going to guard the door while the other half is being summoned back to the bar to tie Stefan and Elena with vervained ropes. Sweet, here goes my best shot.

            I wait for the door to close behind them, leaving the two of us alone, in order to go and kneel near Lucas and ask him in a low murmur, “What the hell is going on?”

“Long story short, Enzo here just found out that Maggie, his elusive girlfriend from the fifties, died at the hands of a ripper while investigating one. So basically, he’s trying to get the confession out of Stefan. How does that sound?”

            I know he’s mocking me right now, because he thinks I’m compelled and won’t do anything of the information, least of all think it’s true.

“Wait– so this has nothing to do with the Other Side collapsing.”

“What?” he squints, seeming lost.

“I heard Liv and Bonnie talking about it earlier; what’s all the fuss about?”

            Me asking this right now is rather risky but I heard the words “supernatural purgatory” and “implode” in the same sentence less than ten minutes ago: I need to know what’s going on. I hope if I press Luke with enough questions, he might just think I’m confused and flipping out; he might drop some information.

“Nothing that concerns you,” he assures me. “Now how about you untie me?”

“I can’t; I’m compelled, remember?” Lucas imperceptibly squints at me but quickly regains his composure.

“What do we do, then?”

“I don’t know.”

*****

“What happens if _you_ die?”

            I grip the door handle as I try not to move, watching Enzo hold Bonnie by her throat, her back against his chest, threatening to kill her. She cries out and Elena screams.

“What’s happening?” The concern in Lucas’ voice is about his sister of course. I silently close the door in order to explain without anyone noticing I’ve been spying.

“Enzo’s got Bonnie,” I whisper when I’m back next to him – it’s the only precaution I can take in order to make sure the vengeful vampire won’t hear us: speak as low and as far from the door as possible, “He’s going to kill her.”

“Don’t worry; he can’t.” Lucas watches me as I look around for anything I could use as a weapon.

“What are you doing?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I snap. “Why in the hell are you not untied already, putting an end to all this?”

            Why hasn’t he used his magic yet? I mean, I _could_ untie him, but it would blow my cover by showing I can’t be compelled. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do here, so I guess it’s best if I remain normal in everybody’s eyes until given no choice.

“Trust me, I would if I could.”

“Well then, it’s gonna have to be me.”

“You’re not going out of here with a screwdriver in your hands; it’s suicide.”

“He’s about to _kill_ Bonnie.”

“I told you he _can’t_ ,” he snaps back, still whispering.

“Yeah, you said that already; what is it supposed to mean?”

“Just put that thing down, Andy, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

I rise straight up and fold my arms, waiting. No one kills my witches but me; especially when they’re good witches, no one kills them at all. Lucas averts his eyes and tries in a softer voice, “You wouldn’t understand but trust me when I say: he can’t hurt her; not like this.”

“I’m a grown-up; use simple words and I’ll understand. Otherwise, I’m going in there and I’m taking him out.”

“You’re only gonna get yourself killed,” he argues but I’m already by the door, opening it thinly so I can cast a glance. Bonnie and Liv are nowhere to be seen and I can spot the other Salvatore brother; he’s finally joined the party.

“Damn it,” Luke whispers,” Fine, I’ll tell you.”

            I register that Damon Salvatore is trying to talk some sense into his old friend before I gingerly close the door and turn to face Lucas.

“So? Why can’t Bonnie die?”

“You know what? I’ll tell you and I don’t care if you don’t follow. Remember the Other Side you mentioned earlier? She’s the Anchor. Happy?”

            He gives me a fake smile, probably satisfied to see my brow knit in incomprehension. But my skepticism doesn’t come from utter ignorance. I know what the Other Side is; it’s the place where the dead go. As the Anchor, Bonnie exists between both worlds, the one of the dead and the one of the living. She is a sort of portal supernatural ghosts go through in order to leave this world and get to the Other Side; by touching her. During the process, she experiences the pain the dead one just went through; also, she can’t access her magic.

            I look up at him, actively thinking, as many things add up all of a sudden. Her bleak Light, and that look she gave me when she left me to talk with Eric, like she was saying goodbye. Bonnie can’t die because she’s not really alive, but if the Other Side goes down for some reason, she disappears with it; along with all the supernatural creatures that ever died; including my ancestors.

“I know,” Lucas says with an easy nod, “supernatural 101 can be a bit overwhelming.”

“But why would the Other Side collapse? How does that happen?”

            He tilts his head, assessing me, probably wondering why of all the weird things I’ve heard and seen today, I manage to ask the most relevant question.

“Why do you care?”

“Well isn’t it important?” I act normal human, raising my hand toward the door.

“Today’s fuss is not about that; though you really seem intent on knowing about it.”

“Tell me.” Lucas exhales from his nose and straightens up on his chair.

“Fine. The Other Side is nothing more than a spell, and just like any other spell, or… math equation or recipe, you move one component and… kaboum.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” We stare at each other, silence only broken by people fighting, far away from us.

“So what’s the component?” I finally ask, “The one that moved and made it possible for the Other Side to collapse.”

“You ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

“I’m being practical. And It’s a rather fascinating subject.”

“I hadn’t realized the Occult Studies class you’ve been taking was so accurate. It must have prepared you well for the situation, since I just told you about spells and you didn’t even blink.”

            My inner alarm goes off. Dangerous territory. This is Lucas Parker, telling me to either back off and keep my secrets to myself, or keep asking questions and risk being found out by him. Right now, I don’t really see what he could find out, still tied up on his chair; and I don’t have the luxury of thinking about tomorrow, because there might not be a tomorrow for a lot of people here.

“What changed, Lucas?”

            The Gemini witch keeps silent for a long time. Then, he finally says, “Someone got out.”  

             


	5. Chapter 5

Five

 

            I duck and throw a punch with my fist. Right in the stomach. My opponent steps back, struggling with his breathing and I react. Fast and strong and as vampire, I give a powerful kick and then, clenching my fist around the peculiar knife, I lift my arm and slit his throat in one swift movement. His eyes widen with surprise and his hands reach for his throat, as he tries to stop the hot liquid from pouring all over him. By the time our eyes lock, he knows it’s over for him. He falls to his knees, then to the ground and gradually stops moving.

            My chest lifts and lowers quickly, as I try to regulate my breathing and the beating of my heart. This one was close; the guy knew how to fight. I had to use the supernatural speed and strengths at my disposal, which wouldn’t be so exhausting if I hadn’t been using it so much today. But I have. The group of Travelers that got me by surprise earlier, while I was taking out one of them, made me use that energy for quite some time. Needless to say it takes toll on me, that’s why I’m feeling dizzy and need a minute to catch my breath before I move on.

            When I first discovered this supernatural surplus during my initiation, when I was thirteen, I was overjoyed. I don’t know, maybe I had a lot more fuel when I was a kid but now, I only use it when necessary and with utter parsimony. It burns my life energy like fire feeds on gunpowder and it usually needs a good night’s sleep to restore.

            Knowing I won’t be doing any more good today, I bend down to pick up the Passenger knife I’ve used. In a couple hours, the Traveler host will be gone from this body, returning it to whomever it belongs to. The guy will only wake up with blood on his clothes, with no memories of how he even got here in the first place. Good thing we’re not far from Mystic Falls, I don’t think I would have it in me to carry him back.

            I roughly wipe the precious knife on my leathered shoulder and leave; it’s getting dark.

 

*****

 

            As I come out of the shower, a towel folded around me, I head back to my room and prepare for the night. The last few days have been a mess, I’ve been hunting Travelers down all around Mystic Falls but I feel like it’s no use: there are so many of them, I can’t take them all out. Alice offered to send backup as soon as someone is available but I honestly don’t see the point. Alice. I roll my eyes as I think back of our last conversation, the very one that launched me on this pointless hunt after the Travelers:

_“Hey, I got your voicemail. What happened?”_

_“It’s bad.”_

_“Where are you? Are you safe?”_

_“Yeah, I’m back at my suite. Stefan just left,” I say, looking through the window. It’s raining so much, I can’t see anything._

_“Stefan. As in Stefan Salvatore? What was he doing at your suite?”_

_“Compelling me to forget everything about today. You know, a vampire enters the bar and goes for a bloodshed.”_

_“What happened exactly? Any casualties? What about your witches? The twins?”_

_“They’re fine. Everybody’s fine. He thought Stefan had murdered his girlfriend, half a century ago; turns out Stefan didn’t but Damon did. Of course he didn’t know she was Enzo’s Maggie, otherwise he wouldn’t have done that to his friend.”_

_“I’m trying to follow.”_

_“Enzo wanted answers. He compelled students to drug Lucas so he couldn’t use his powers, and had them keep his life in jeopardy so Liv would comply. Damon got the compelled hostages to be released and they took the fight elsewhere. Liv got hurt in the process but Stefan healed her with his blood, so it’s all good. He then drove me back to my suite and compelled me to forget.”_

_“So your cover still stands.”_

_“Yes. Not for long, though. I have a feeling Luke is onto me; I might have been a bit pressing on certain questions but you need to hear this.”_

            I told Alice about the Other Side collapsing that night, about that person escaping it. I look in the mirror, watching the bruises on my body and on my face slowly disappear. Bloody Travelers. I heal faster than normal people do, but not as fast as vampires or werewolves. And it hurts. I wince impatiently and contain a painful moan, remembering the rest of my conversation with my leader:

_“I know about the Other Side; I just heard.”_

_“What? How?”_

_“Look, those Travelers you’ve kept hearing about, do you know who they are?”_

_“Barely. They’re like an old sub-culture of witches that broke away thousands of years ago and they don’t do covens and stuff; that’s why it’s not easy to keep track of them.”_

_“You’re right; but there’s more to it. They broke away in the first place because they perform a form of magic that is forbidden, even though their group deems it pure.”_

_“Okay…” I say, waiting for the big bad spell that must have triggered this political mess._

_“They invented a spell for immortality. When Travelers Silas and Amara used the spell and became immortals, the witch covens decided they had gone too far in disrupting the balance of Nature, so they placed a curse upon the Travelers community.”_

_“I’m following.”_

_“For thousands of years, now, Travelers haven’t been able to settle down without provoking dramatic earthquakes or natural catastrophes. The idea was to prevent them from settling down anywhere as a community in order to keep them from pushing the boundaries of magic ever again.”_

_“Why don’t we know this? This is typically the kind of stuff that makes our cases!”_

_“I know,” Alice sighs darkly, “Though they don’t like to be associated with each other in any way, Witches and Travelers all kept it a very guarded secret; like some internal political fight._ But _, it turns out they are disrupting the balance of Nature once more; mainly by bringing their leader, Markos, back from the dead, causing the Other Side to fall apart. That’s why they are gathering in Mystic Falls; they want to break their curse.”_

_“Wait a second, how can they be in Mystic Falls? Didn’t you say Hell is supposed to rain down on us when they try to gather somewhere?”_

_“Correct. That’s why they’ve mastered what is called the Passenger spell. It allows them to take control over someone else’s body for different periods of time, depending on the species. Not ideal but it’s proving to be quite the efficient loophole. Don’t worry, witches and true hunters are immune. Bad news is, they’ve been taking over people’s bodies in Mystic Falls for some time. They have quite the army and they are this close to breaking their spell while letting the Other Side collapse.”_

_“Let me guess: whoever you secretly went to see, they were rather glad to see us join the party.”_

_“Something like that. The thing is, in order to keep Silas and Amara alive for so long, other people needed to die in their place, you know– to keep Nature happy. It resulted in the creation of two bloodlines of mortal shadow-selves; one for Silas and one for Amara. They are called doppelgängers. Every lifetime or so, they appear and when it would be time for our two immortal lovebirds to die, the doppelgängers die instead.”_

_“Sounds clever.”_

_“The blood of the last two doppelgängers alive is also the key to breaking the curse.”_

_“Right. Makes sense, somehow.”_

_“Well, surprise: Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert are the last two doppelgängers alive.”_

_“What?”_

_“Yep. The Travelers have been cautiously taking down any other doppelgängers, making Stefan’s and Elena’s blood usable for their curse-breaking spell or whatever.”_

_“Wait– so the Travelers are after them? How do you even know all this? I mean, I’ve been trying to gather information all year long and it was all locked up. How come people just tell you stuff now?”_

_“It hasn’t been easy, trust me. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been secretly meeting with a couple coven leaders; mainly the Gemini leader.”_

_“Olivia and Luke’s father.”_

_“That’s right. He didn’t want to spill witches’ secrets to a Lightbringer he didn’t know but he didn’t really have a choice. Turns out the Gemini was among the key covens to place the curse on the Travelers. Your twins haven’t been studying at Whitmore College by accident: their mission was to monitor the doppelgängers of Mystic Falls; keep them safe in case the Travelers try something and take them out if other doppelgängers started dying.”_

_“But they didn’t. Kill them, I mean. Luke and Liv haven’t been fighting against the doppelgängers and their friends. If anything, they’ve been trying to help each other. Sorta.”_

_“I know; their father wasn’t so pleased about that. He would’ve taken care of it but now that Markos is back from the dead… Things are speeding up. I don’t know the details but it seems your twins have been reporting less over the past few days. They’re not following coven’s orders, which is to kill the doppelgängers in order to stop this whole thing; they’ve been trying to save them instead, hiding them God-knows-where with a cloaking spell.”_

_“But they’re not hurting people, I mean humans. They’re refusing coven orders, not going astray; you can’t ask me to–”_

_“I’m not,” Alice cuts me off and a weight lifts off my shoulders, “I can’t ask you to take care of the doppelgängers either. It would solve the problem in many ways but they’re vampires, they’re out of your jurisdiction.”_

_“Elena is Jeremy’s sister and Stefan is his friend. He’s the only vampire hunter I can think of right now but he’ll never take them out.”_

_“I mean, would you take me or Jared out?”_

_“Not for less than a country-wide revolution,” I admit before asking with caution, “Should I step out of the dark? Offer my help?”_

_“Just– let them try and figure it out.”_

_“You want me to do nothing,” I snap, in utter disbelief. I can hear Alice exhale and I can almost see her close her eyes, in defeat._

_“This is not our business.”_

_“This is everybody’s business,” I object._

_“Not according to the elders. If anything, it’s an internal Witches problem, dragging along vampires in the mess. It’s not our concern.”_

_“So what, you’re gonna let them dictate your decision?” I ask in disbelief._

_“I’m powerless, Andy. There’s nothing–”_

_“That’s bullshit and you know it. This is not just any supernatural blood feud, okay? Our ancestors and our friends are on the Other Side; our mom is on the Other Side. We can’t just sit back and watch it all go down because some stupid treaty decided we don’t have jurisdiction.”_

_There is a long pause, during which I know Alice is debating what to do. She must tread carefully, though. She is our clan leader and her decisions are law. She can’t afford to make the wrong choice._

_“I can’t send you an entire team, we’d become too obvious. I can only send you a couple members, when they’re available.”_

_“Whatever,” I murmur, waiting for her big decision._

_“Look, if the Gemini twins die…” she says and I close my eyes, not wanting to hear this, “…if they die, then you take out the doppelgängers. Be discreet, you can’t afford their vampire friends to come for revenge. If they see you, you’ll have to take them out as well; no witnesses. Until then, you stay put–”_

_“Alice–”_

_“You stay put,” she repeats with authority, “you watch and report. I’ll keep you posted on what I hear from the Gemini leader. Do you understand?”_

_“I do,” I say with anger._

_No helping my witches then. Even from afar. No being useful one way or another. I shake my head and roll my eyes. I have watched and assessed my entire life; I have always been good at it, I even like it. But right now, I hate the position I am in. I am to be the audience to a terrifying show that involves people I care about._

_I’m not saying we’re all best friends, but Liv… Even Bonnie and Lucas I have come to like. How can I simply stand by while they’re all working so hard to stop the threat? How can I remain hidden while my knowledge and my abilities could certainly help? What about my ancestors? My mom? I blink away angry tears, finding it hard to swallow._

_“What about the Travelers then?”_

_Again, a pause during my sister’s inner debate. And then, relief as she answers, “Travelers are witches gone astray. Kill on sight.”_


	6. Chapter 6

Six

 

_**Moreau estate, Vermont – September 2012** _

           

I take a sip from my bottle of water, still staring at nothing in particular. I just wish this were over already. I sense movement on my right; someone sits down and clears his throat. My dad.

“It’ll be over soon, just hang in there.” I vaguely nod and sip water, remaining silent. “You did everything you could, you know. No one is blaming you for anything that happened.”

            I squint, trying to contain my anger, as I turn my head to him. _I_ certainly did everything I could, but we can’t say the same for everybody here. My dad must sense he just said the wrong thing; it’s an argument we’ve been having over and over again. It won’t change the past though.

            Silence stretches until Alice joins us. We both look up at her, that strong, determined clan leader of ours.

“The elders are still listening to Jared’s report,” she informs us, fiddling with her wedding ring, “then they’ll come back to you. You ready?”

“Do I have a choice?”

            My sister and my dad share a glance but say nothing. They probably have no idea of how I’m feeling right now because they never experienced the frustration of a failed mission. Both of them, successful leaders of the Lightbringers, never had to cope with this kind of humiliation, this feeling of utter powerlessness and uselessness. I could have done so much more. I take a bitter sip of water; I’m gonna need something stronger soon.

            The door opens again and Simone appears in the frame.

“They’re ready for you.”

My family take a deep breath, as if they were the ones being heard, and we all rise to join the elders. They’re all sitting in a large meeting room furnished with an old and polished wood table and matching chairs. They are all sitting next to each other on their side of the table, leaving only one chair across: my designated place as the one being auditioned today. Other chairs have been installed in the back of the room in order for other clan members to come listen if they will. They are to sit behind me though, leaving me alone to face my judges.

“Do sit down, Andrea.”

The command is gentle; I obey and they stare, assess. I try to put on a good face.

“Now please, take us back to last May. Explain the situation in your own words.”

“It was– chaotic. The Other Side was falling apart; the Travelers were taking over town and coming very close to breaking their curse. They cast this spell around Mystic Falls to wipe out Spirit Magic in the area; meaning any witch-given gift was wearing off when entering town. Witches’ magic became null: vampires’ daylight rings stopped working, the magic that kept them undead as vampires stopped working; same with hybrids and same with my Light. I couldn’t enter town without feeling my lungs being torn away from me; there was nothing I could do to stop–”

“About your targets,” Lucien reminds me politely.

“My _targets_ were trying to fix this mess; all of them together.” While I was to stand back and watch. Oh, I could kill Travelers around, sure; but there were dozens of them. It was useless.

“Can you elaborate on that?”

“Bonnie Bennett was trying to find a way to stop the Travelers _and_ save the Other Side, with the help of her vampire friends that kept dying around. As for the Gemini twins, they tried to spare the doppelgängers as long as they could. Then they all ended up joining forces in order to use the Travelers’ plan against them.”  

“Go on.”

“Enzo St-John was dead and Bonnie was going down with the Other Side; they’d been trying to figure out a way to bring them back. Then Stefan died and Tyler and– they wanted to revive so many people… They got Olivia to play along by killing Lucas, so that she had a motivation for helping them. Their plan was to lure the Travelers to the _Mystic Grill_ and kill them all in an explosion triggered by Damon Salvatore – adding one more to the reviving list. This massive murder was to act as a sacrifice that Olivia would harness in order to bring everybody back from the dead, including her brother.”

“And in order for this plan to succeed,” Lorraine says, “all Travelers needed to die at the same time, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“And that’s the reason why you stopped killing them.”

            I open my mouth but don’t answer right away. I could lie, say they were all in the _Mystic Grill_ and I couldn’t get my hands on any of them, but that isn’t true and they know it.

“Yes.”

            Silence, shared glances, and some of them jolt a few words down on their notebooks. I can sense anger boiling inside me. I want to yell, ‘you all wanted me to stand back, well I did!’ but I know this is not the right thing to say. I had orders and I chose to ignore them.

“Your orders, expressly given by Alice, were to kill Travelers on sight, is that correct?”

“Yes.” Their silence is unbearable. I need to explain, they need to understand. “But any Traveler randomly dying would go through the Anchor, bringing her closer to death.  Killing them one by one was not helping–”

“So, _you_ were buying your targets time, so they could execute their plan.”

“Yes,” I answer rather reluctantly.  And that seems to be at the core of the problem: the reason why I stepped back, the fact that my decision swayed things in favor of one side.

“How did you come to know so much about their plan? I thought you were still undercover.”

            My gaze shifts back to Lucien as I answer, “I was lurking around town, trying to find a way in. My targets and their friends had gathered at the town cemetery, which was out of the no-magic spell. I heard them talk about it.”

            This is not exactly how things happened, but at this point I know that plain truth will get me suspended right away. I am loyal toward my clan but I can spare them a secret or two. I slightly turn my head toward my father, sitting somewhere behind me on the right. He and the Gemini leader kept stuff from us as well, so why wouldn’t I?

“And you decided to wait,” Lucien casually says, “to see how things would play out.”

“Yes,” I answer rather sharply, losing patience. “One of the doppelgängers was dead anyway so there was no breaking the curse. But vampires were still dying all over the place and the Other Side was still collapsing. They had this one shot at solving the problem and they were all working together, now what was I supposed to do? Was I to try and take out a couple Travelers here and there while _dozens_ of them were safe inside the town’s border? This would have resulted in nothing except destroying my witches’ plan. The other option was to step back and watch for a minute; give them a chance to stop the Travelers and bring Bonnie and Lucas back.”

“So you watched and assessed,” Lorraine slowly says, “and then made the decision without referring to your superior.”

“Damn right, I did,” I snap.

            I can hear murmurs behind me. Being disrespectful to my elders isn’t going to help though. I take a breath and incline my head in apology, trying to master my anger. “With all due respect, I am second lieutenant. I know the chain of command but I am also allowed to make decisions regarding a mission. I had orders, yes, but they were quite specific and Alice wasn’t there to hold my hand and tell me what to do every second of the way. I had to improvise. I was on my own, and I had to make quick decisions. Had I called, I should have waited for her to report to you and then for you all to make a choice, which would have resulted in the exact same situation. Now what bothers you is that you see my actions as siding with the witch-vampire alliance; as _interfering_ while in fact, I didn’t. I could have helped them, you know; I could have blown my cover and go help them. I wanted to, to be honest, but I didn’t.”

Silence ensues my declaration and I keep speaking because no one is interrupting me, “The Travelers’s plan had failed so I was off the hook regarding them and I did what I was supposed to do in the first place: I stepped back and let them deal with it. Now their interest happened to align with my wish to save my witches; because they are _good_ witches. I am not going to apologize for that.”

Again, murmurs and shared glances. I know they don’t disapprove of the ending _per se_ , they are only uncomfortable with the reason why I stood back. I guess Alice’s report on how the Gemini twins were going against their leader’s orders must have made an impression on them. Now they can’t help but wonder whether I was being mature and properly standing back, in order to observe, or if I went rogue and decided I wanted my witches to succeed.

I am not sure which one it was to be honest and that’s probably what worries them. They want to make sure I know my place and don’t go astray, blowing my cover and helping out witches and vampires as I please. Lucien is still staring at me and I return the examination. Lorraine’s voice wakes me from my thoughts, “Well, you made your decision in order to save your witches and that is… noble of you. Although _that_ obviously didn’t work as planned.”

I keep my gaze on the table as tears fill my eyes. She’s only reminding me of my failure in order to keep everybody else in line. It is their way of saying, ‘hey, look what will happen if you go around, making decisions for yourself without referring to the elders. Look what happens when you think you can _interfere_.’ The humiliation is daunting.  

I barely hear Lucien when he says we’ll adjourn for now. I only sense people moving around me, getting up and leaving the room so I end up doing that as well. Both my dad and Jared try to talk to me but Alice holds them back. I rush for the bathroom and hide in a stall just in time. My walls fall and I can’t hold my tears. I failed. As a Lightbringer and as whatever else I was trying to be.

 

*******

 

            I pull over in the parking lot and step out of the car. The flight back to Virginia took half the day but the drive back from the airport to campus is what exhausted me. I carry my travel bag all the way up to my suite and sigh when I find a blond figure sitting on the bottom stairs, waiting for me to come home.

“Hey,” he gently says as he stands up.

“Not now,” I plead but he walks towards me anyway, looking determined.

“You didn’t answer my texts and you wouldn’t take my calls. Can we talk?”

            I drop my bag and brush my hair back behind my ears. The golden-blond dye has been wearing off, I’ll be back to being a brunette soon.

“What do you want, Lucas?”

            The Gemini witch locks his blue gaze on mine before he asks, “How did it go?”

“I’m here,” I say flatly, “Which means I’m not suspended yet.”

“What did you tell them?”

            I squint and answer sharply, “I didn’t tell them about our deal; I’m not a complete fool, thank you very much.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It sure as hell sounded like it.”

            Lucas bites his bottom lip, holding back whatever he is about to say and finally whispers, “Hey, we’re a team now. I’m trying to figure out what’s coming our way.”

“Well, when something comes, it’ll be _my_ way. I’m here on probation; I’m supposed to monitor you until the merge and lay low. So as long as you keep being a good witch and don’t start killing people, you won’t be having any problems. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m tired.”

            I grab my bag, unlock the door and close it behind me without so much as a goodbye. That is a very crappy thing to do right now, especially to my only ally. I just can’t shake the idea that my elders are being harsh on me because the Other Side _did_ collapse in the end and we lost our ancestors. They know it’s not my fault in any way but they’re taking it out on me because the powerful witches I’ve been monitoring couldn’t stop that from happening. Go figure.

            The worst part is not being able to tell them what really happened. Yes, we did fail at saving Bonnie and Damon and yes, the Other Side went down. But our ancestors didn’t disappear with it.

            I walk passed Jess and Tina, pretexting a migraine, and I go to my room. Dropping my bag on the floor, I slump on my bed and exhale, as I remember discreetly walking into the Mystic Falls’ cemetery four months ago.

            Inside the Salvatore family mausoleum, Liv was sitting crossed legs before a set of lit candles. She was chanting, eyes closed, and I could perceive Lucas’ figure behind her: he was dead, but a shimmer of his Light would allow me to see the ghost he’d become. The Other Side and its boundaries were indeed falling apart.

            At first, the Gemini witch didn’t notice me; he was busy encouraging his sister with this difficult spell, even though she couldn’t hear him. But _I_ could. I silently gestured at him to join me and he frowned at first, not truly understanding that I was addressing him. Then it hit him. He got up and followed me outside, behind the mausoleum where nobody could hear or see us.

_“You can see me,” he says, taking in my black combat leathers stained with blood, my flawless ponytail and the batch of knives at my belt, “You’re the one that’s been killing Travelers here and there. Markos thought that was us.”_

_“We don’t have time for this; what’s going on?” Lucas quickly fills me in on their plan to get rid of the Travelers and revive those of them who die in the process. As I listen, it becomes clear that it would be best for their plan that I stop killing Travelers for now; it will only weaken Bonnie and she needs to hold. “So there is no saving the Other Side,” I murmur._

_“No, only those who can make it to Bonnie after the sacrifice.”_

_“Then I need you to do something for me.” He frowns and I explain, “My ancestors are in there, I need you to save as many of them as you can.”_

_“It’ll take too much time to even look for them–”_

_“Listen to me,” I cut in, “I’m not trying to revive them; I want you to save their spirits from oblivion. They won’t need to go through Bonnie or anything, just summon their spirits and put them somewhere safe until–”_

_“Until what?” he snaps, “The Other Side is going down, there will be nothing left.”_

_“We’ll figure it out. Maybe witches will draft a new one or something, I don’t know. Just keep them safe until then; I know you’re strong enough to do this. Please.”_

_He thinks for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of my request. He finally nods and says, “This doesn’t come for free. After we’re done with this, you and I are going to have a little chat.”_

_“Fine. Just don’t tell anyone about me. That includes Liv.”_

_He shoots me a look and exhales. He definitely hates keeping important secrets from his sister but we don’t really have time to argue._

_“I’ll need your blood to locate them. Watch Liv while I’m gone and protect her from any Travelers who try and come her way.  I can’t promise anything.”_

            I took a knife from my belt and cut my hand, covering the blade with my blood. After that, everything happened very quickly. At seven sharp, I heard the _Mystic Grill_ explode, away from us. Lucas was the first one to come back from the dead. I watched him head straight to the mausoleum and assess Olivia’s strengths. This spell was too much for her, she wouldn’t hold for long. Enzo got through, while the rest of them was waiting for Damon. Elena was sent back against her will and Stefan by accident, then Tyler, a guy named Rick. It wouldn’t be long now.

            Meantime, Lucas was hijacking his sister’s spell in order to help her support the cost of it. I saw him grab my bloodied knife and chant. It didn’t take long for the Lightbringer spirits to transfer into a ring of his; I could see the most tenuous shimmer of Light dance around the jewel. When he opened his eyes and nodded to me, I knew he was done. I resumed breathing.

            Then, alarmed by the amount of blood pouring from his twin’s nose, Lucas decided it was time to put an end to all this. He magically snuffed out the candles and broke Liv’s trance. Everything seemed to quiet at once. I watched the reunions from afar, that’s how I learned Bonnie and Damon hadn’t come through. They were gone.

            I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to assess the current situation. It’s been four months now.

Four months of reports and auditions regarding how I conducted my mission.

Four months of grief over Bonnie and Damon – not that I’m crying over them or anything but I know they are deeply missed by people that I know, and after all this time spent monitoring my witches and all supernaturals around them, I feel like I knew them somehow. My eyes sting. Who am I kidding? Bonnie _was_ a friend, and she was my witch. I did lose her too.

Four months of trying to get back to normal for everybody, including me. However, what we used to call ‘normal’ is gone; we all know things can’t go back to the way they were, we can only move forward.

It’s also been four months since my edgy conversation with Lucas. I tried keeping everything a secret at first, but then I remembered that if he reported me to his father, there was a good chance Alice would hear of it. So, without knowing my father and his had done the same thing many years ago, I told him about the Lightbringers; the truth about us. How we were dispatched everywhere in the country, watching witches and reporting, making sure they were using their magic for good, taking the responsibility to eliminate those who used it for evil.

I told him how we were never supposed to be found out by them, or anyone else; we were only sort of allowed to discreetly deal with a threat here and there but never to openly pick sides and interfere in their business or their plans, not even to help them. Lucas listened to me until the very end, understanding our purpose and why our existence must remain a secret. We then made a pact, swore we wouldn’t spill each other’s secrets. He was likely to become head of his coven anyway, so I guess being on good terms wasn’t a bad thing.

            He didn’t say a word about me, not even to Liv. In return, I didn’t mention to my clan that he knew about us. Our alliance would be our secret, and in exchange for my protection if needs be, he would keep my ancestors safe until the Witch community decided whether to draft a new Other Side, a decision he would support when becoming leader.

            It’s been hard to go back to class and work as if nothing has happened. Everywhere I go, be it the singing club or Occult Studies class, Bonnie’s absence reminds me of my incapacity to keep my witch alive. I see Elena, Caroline, Tyler and Liv share glances after what they went through, not knowing I went through it with them.

As for Liv, whenever I’m with her in class or at the bar, I feel guilty about hiding all this to her, and so does Luke. He and I share glances now. Not because of some joke but because we are linked by a secret deal, and we both hate that Liv doesn’t know about it, but we know she’s too unstable to be trusted with it; the upcoming merge hasn’t been helping with her mood.

            I am back to watching and reporting twice a month, though I am more cautious about the information I share with Alice than I ever was. Adjusting to this new normal feels bitter sweet.

You would think this whole mess taught me not to intervene anymore, that I’ve learned my lesson and that I won’t be interfering with the course of things any time soon. That’s also what I think; but then, I have no idea what’s coming my way.


	7. Chapter 7

Seven

 

**_McKinley, Virginia – October 2012_ **

 

            As I jog toward my training spot, lost in the less visited area of the woods around campus, I try to contain a yawn. Without too much surprise, Luke is already here, trying to throw a few punches at my punch bag. I can’t fight a proud smile at the sight of him training on his own while only a couple weeks ago, he would have been waiting for me, hands stuck in the pockets of his jacket.

            The sandy-blond witch sees me from the corner of his eye and stops punching.

“Keep your guard up,” I simply say, nodding at him to go back to it.

“Where have you been?”

“Not your concern.”

“You’re late.”

“Barely,” I say, rolling my eyes, while I walk behind the punch bag in order to keep it in place, “Come on, focus.”

“Were you at Eric’s again?” he asks, throwing in a strong punch.

“Steven’s. Eric is hot but he _would_ cage me if he could.”

“And yet, you keep going back for more.”

“Occasionally. And how was your date with Jay anyway?” I retort.

“Low blow,” he mumbles, throwing in a stronger punch.

            He seems to tense though, and I can feel the atmosphere just changed. I understand it didn’t go as well as he expected. Luke’s face progressively falls, as he keeps throwing more and more punches. I say nothing for a while, simply holding the bag and letting him externalize his anger. It’s not something he does very often; externalize. Over knowing him, I have discovered Lucas is basically a ball of emotions; he’s just better at hiding it than you would expect.

            When he suddenly stops, panting and sweating, I watch him intently. I’ve taken the habit of assessing him for other purposes than clan reports lately; more in a way that helps me figure out whether he needs sarcasm or silence. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. It’s stupid. This whole thing is stupid. And pointless. Everything is so damn pointless!”

            He’s shouting now and I am glad we are somewhere remote from any living place. He then throws his – my – training gloves to the ground and heads to his sports bag.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m done,” he says, drying his forehead in his towel.

“Not nearly; I just got here–”

“Well, next time you might wanna think about that before getting laid with whomever. You’re always late when you go to a guy’s place anyway.”

“Yeah, because despite what you might think, I actually need to sleep from time to time.”

“Not the point.”

“Look, I’m sorry about being late. I’m not used to having a protégé to train before dawn. This time is supposed to be me-time, okay? And you’ve never had to wait for more than fifteen minutes, which only happened _once_.”

“One more reason to drop these stupid training sessions,” he says, gathering his stuff in order to leave, “I’d hate to crash your me-time again.” I use supernatural speed to appear in front of him and block his way.

“Hey, I get that you’re pissed,” I say sharply,” but we’ve been through this you and I. You _need_ to train.”

“Do I.”

“Yes! God, Lucas, do I need to remind you how close you recently got to being beat up by Tyler? Or of that one time when Enzo drugged you magicless?”

            The witch averts his face and I know I’ve made my point. He hates to think about when he was not able to protect his sister. I guess we both have a thing about feeling powerless and useless. “You were tied up to a chair by the _football team_ ; humans. I get that you’re a powerful witch, okay? I know it, you know it, your entire coven knows it; but you rely way too much on your magic to protect you. That’s kind of the problem with you witches–”

            He rolls his eyes but won’t meet mine. I sigh, trying to cut him some loose; I _was_ late.

“Look, I’m sorry about being late; I’ll do better. You’re right though, maybe it’s best if we stop here for today… I’ll see you in class.”

“Yeah,” he whispers before leaving with no glance back.

 

  *****

 

            When I walk into my British Literature class, I first feel disappointed no to see Liv. She wasn’t in Occult Studies either – Tyler kept glancing up for her every time someone walked in until Professor Saltzman closed the door and began.

I share a brief glance with Lucas, barely long enough for me to notice he’s disappointed as well; he goes back to staring at his desk. Usually, Jason sits right next to him and talks as close to his ear as he can. Today, an empty chair remains between them, and Lucas isn’t the one who moved. The brown-haired guy with cute dimples and a solar smile is now vividly engaged in a conversation with some girl – Anna or Sabrina – and she seems to be all over him as well.

            I squint at him and swallow back a pressing need to break his knees. I don’t even think about it: I forget my usual spot in the back of the class and go sit in the first row, right between that jerk and Lucas. My witch doesn’t say anything but after ten minutes in, he slightly turns his head towards me and nods.

            When class is over, I silently wait for Luke before going out. Liv is there, leaning against a wall, her blond curls still drying from her late shower. She smiles when she spots us and falls into steps with us.

“How was class?”

“I had to listen to Mrs Gordon talk without any of your impatient sighs or snorts, can you imagine?” I say, wincing as if I had disliked that part.

            Lucas laughs and gives his sister a tender look.

“So she doesn’t do that only when she sits next to me; that’s good to know.”

“Oh, shut up.” Lucas and I share a glance and an amused smile, while Olivia comes between us. “I don’t have much time before my shift starts and I was thinking of spending it with my two favorite people on campus, but if you guys keep allying against me–”

“We’re your favorite people on campus?” Lucas asks with wide eyes, faking surprise.

“Does that mean you have to be ours?” I add, faking concern. 

“You jerks,” she snorts, and I look down at my phone when hearing the ringtone.

            Alice.

“I gotta take this,” I say, sharing a brief glance with Luke, “I’ll join you in the Commons.”

            I walk away and find an empty classroom to take the call. As expected, it is more about Alice checking up on me than my current mission. She probably knows I haven’t been taking my dad’s calls lately, since I’m still kinda mad at him for keeping his past with the Gemini leader from us. It could have changed something.

She lectures me about treating him better, especially after what he’s been going through – losing my mom all over again mainly, since her dead spirit _allegedly_ went down with the Other Side. It takes time but I go along with it, holding back any sharp retort about going through the exact same thing as him; as them both. I want to yell that he’s not the only one having a crappy time right now but it wouldn’t be fair to Alice. She’s trying to hold it together and act as a good leader, while expressing concern for her little sister. I can’t start telling her stuff like that, not when I’m the only one who knows that the spirit of our mother wasn’t lost to oblivion. Luke saved her; he saved them all.

 

*****

 

“…because you acting bitchy when you like a guy is quite transparent, you know,” Lucas finishes as I put down my tray and sit down, probably looking more pissed than Liv.

“Wow, what’s wrong?” she asks with a frown. She’s not used to me being in a mood; especially when she already kinda is.

“Nothing,” I say, giving them my fakest, widest, drop-the-subject smile, “What are we gossiping about?” My twin witches share a glance and a shrug as I dig into my plate. They are almost done eating by now; my phone call definitely took longer than I expected.

“We were talking about someone being into Liv and Liv being… well, Liv.”

“Tyler Lockwood?” I ask Luke and he nods.

“It could be someone else,” Liv objects.

“ _Please_ , you’ve been treating the guy like crap; you’re definitely into him.”

“See?” Lucas grins.

“You should go for it and have fun,” I tell her. While you still can.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know yet whether he’s gonna stick with the football team or not,” her brother mocks. “Major deal breaker.”

“You do have a thing for football players,” I admit.

“And you’re a sucker for blue eyes,” she retorts with a shrug.

“Yeah, I kinda am,” I laugh, “I’m actually trying to get Luke to fall in love with me so we can live happily ever after.”

“Oh, that’s so cute,” he chuckles.

“I know; too bad I’m not your type.”

“Liv also has blue eyes,” he suggests. “Hey Liv, is Andy your type?”

“Sadly no, she’s doesn’t play football.” We laugh and I know Luke rejoices in seeing her smile as much as I do. We don’t talk about it and we try not to think about it but the clock is ticking. Bloody coven traditions. We spend another ten minutes fake-bickering and laughing until Liv gets up and stretches, “Alright. I’m heading to work.”

            As we nod but don’t get up as well, she slightly frowns but quickly regains her composure. “See you later, then,” she says, grabbing her tray.

“Yep.”

“See you.”

            She leaves and we don’t share a word for a minute, each of us lost in our thoughts but probably ending up at the same conclusion. Bloody Gemini merge.

 

*****

 

            “Okay, so what do we have?” I ask, holding my pen above my notebook.

Soon after Liv left, we disposed of our trays and came back to our table.

“Not much. I heard Stefan is in town,” Lucas says.

“After four months? I thought he was getting a fresh start somewhere.”

“That was until Enzo and Caroline paid him a visit. I guess he’s still trying to process losing Bonnie and Damon. He needs his friends.”

“Anything else?”

“Well, I don’t know if you heard but Elena asked Rick to compel her to _forget_ she ever loved Damon.”

“Really,” I say, taking a sip of lemon water as I jolt down a couple words.

            Lucas was the one who explained to me who’s Rick in the first place: Alaric Saltzman, Elena and Jeremy Gilbert’s former step-uncle or something like that. The point is, the guy had been watching over them for a couple years now, then he died and came back from the collapsing Oher Side. He’s a professor at Whitmore now, he teaches my Occult Studies class this semester; and he is a vampire.

“We’re all supposed to keep the secret.”

“Maybe _not_ the best way to deal with her boyfriend’s death,” I mutter.

“At least she’s not letting her denial deal with it anymore.”

“True. I really didn’t like it when she would guilt you into giving her these weird herbs that made her hallucinate him or whatever. She looked like an addict.”

“She was,” he stresses.

“Yeah, well, I was never comfortable with that. She was way too unstable to be standing that close to you. Had she snapped, I wouldn’t have been quick enough to–”

“I know,” he cuts me off gently. “But nothing happened; I’m alive and healthy. Relax.”

            I give him half a smile and nod. I like that even when we fight in the morning we can always sit and talk a couple hours later, leaving our arguments aside. Until our next training session anyway.

I clear my throat and ask, “What about witches? You know my clan doesn’t care much for vampires.”

“Well, Witches Weekly is gonna be pretty boring this time.”

“You sure? You don’t have a mass murder you need to confess?” I mock.

“Nope. And I’m pretty sure Liv would tell me if she did.”

“Oh, she definitely would. She would even invite you to join the party. The real question is, would you tell _me_?”

“I’ve been debating that with myself,” he chuckles. I roll my eyes and shake my head, somehow knowing he _would_ tell me.

“Is your dad still pissed at you for ignoring orders?” I ask.

“Yep. He gave us a hard time when we visited over summer and he basically stopped sharing coven insights with us. What about you? Everything okay with your family?”

“Yeah, Alice is just being Alice. Trying to overprotect everybody while firmly following the rules. She’s just as mad as me with our dad for not telling us about yours.”

“Hey, my dad never mentioned your dad either. He would only tell us to behave when we were kids, otherwise Lightbringers would know and they would come for us. Nothing more than a story to keep us in line. They really kept their promise to each other; if anything, it proves how deep their friendship ran.”

“Yeah, well, had they told us in the first place, I wouldn’t have needed to hide; I could have blown the bloody cover without risk, and helped out–”

“To what good?”

“We could have saved them.”

“Okay, listen: best case scenario, we could have saved Damon. And Damon being a vampire, he was not on your saving list. As for Bonnie…” he trails off and shakes his head, “she was the Anchor, Andy. She was going down with the Other Side and there’s nothing we could’ve done about it. So stop torturing yourself.”

            I remain silent for a long time and then look down at my notebook.

“So, boring week in Virginia. Boring is good,” I assure him, “I like boring. Boring is actually the best situation when it comes to my witches.”

“ _Your_ witches,” he mocks.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he says in a voice that makes me look up. He is looking at me in a way he never has; with a gentle smile and what I identify to be tenderness in his eyes. Usually, those looks are only for his beloved sister.

“What?” I ask flatly.

“It’s just– It’s nice; having someone to talk to. I mean, about everything.” I raise a brow and he leans in. “About covens and clans.”

“You have someone; you have Liv.”

“I did– I mean, I do. She’s just…It’s different now, she’s not as involved as she used to be. I barely talk to her about it anymore because it reminds us both of the merge and I… She probably won’t be around for long now, so…”

            I try to ignore the lump forming in my throat. My eyes sting with tears at the idea of Liv losing the upcoming merge and dying, so I can’t begin to imagine how her twin brother, her best friend, must feel. It’s not even like she’s going to peacefully join the Other Side anymore; we know there’s nowhere for her to go, and that’s terrifying. 

I lower my gaze to the table and end up staring at his ring, the one he put my ancestors in four months ago. I squint as a new idea comes to my mind and I slowly say, “What if we could save her?”

            Lucas frowns before noticing I’m staring at his ring. His eyes light up and he looks up at me.

“You mean by putting her dead spirit in?”

“Why not, I mean the Other Side is gone, there is nowhere else for her to go, right?”

“I guess.”

“Then it would be up to you, Witches, to draft the best Other Side 2.0 possible. She’d be having a blast in the afterlife and you would always have her next to you.”

            He is frowning now and trying to keep his smile but I can see the tears in his eyes. I take his hand and try to look as certain as I can be. “We won’t lose her, Lucas. We’ll save her.”


	8. Chapter 8

Eight

 

**_McKinley, Virginia – November 2012_ **

 

            We shake hands and wish each other a good day before I leave the room, my prescription in hand. I’ve been here before, I know there is a drugstore downstairs. I get in the short line and when my turn comes, I smile at the pharmacist and hand her the square sheet of paper. She glances at it, deciphering the gynecologist’s handwriting without a squint.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Yep.”

            I patiently look around, hoping there won’t be too much traffic on my way back to my dorm, when I see her. I don’t twitch but my inner me does. I keep my gaze on her as she walks around, touring a group of medicine students over the floor and telling them God-knows-what. Her Light is bleak, not in the same way Bonnie’s used to be, but I know she doesn’t have access to her magic, although that is not why I am so dumbfounded. I would recognize a Gemini Light anywhere and this witch definitely is one of them.

            The pharmacist breaks my staring marathon by handing me a paper bag with my pill. I mutter a thanks without looking at her and discreetly follow the witch. She is barely taller than me, with long black hair and bright blue eyes that seem to be a Gemini signature. She must be about forty years old and I suddenly think she could be Luke and Olivia’s mother. I mean, she would have had them quite young but it’s still possible, right?

            My heartbeat quickens as a more pressing question comes to my mind: why didn’t he tell me about her? I mean, the twins don’t talk about their family, that’s a given, and I get that Liv wouldn’t mention another witch from her coven being around, but Lucas? We talk every single day, and often more than once; he sure as hell never mentioned another Gemini being in Virginia. Has he be keeping her a secret? Or did he purposefully leave her out of it because she doesn’t have magic? Like she doesn’t fall in my jurisdiction or something.

            I swallow, trying to push the feeling away; the daunting, overwhelming feeling of betrayal. I only come back to my senses when I realize I’ve been staring at her, and she’s staring right back. _Shit_. How long has this been going on? I lower my eyes and make for the stairs but she frowns and literally marches on me.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” she asks in this voice that is both incredibly soft and firm.

“Uh– no, I– I’m looking for Doctor Leroy’s office?”

“Doctor Leroy is gynecology,” she says, glancing at my white paper bag, and I use that second to read the name on her blouse: Josette Laughlin, M.D, “Her service is on third floor, this is second.”

“Right,” I say, acting lost, “That’s why everything was looking kind of the same but not really.”

            I give an embarrassed giggle and she smiles indulgently at me. “Thanks for the help, doctor…”

“Laughlin,” she says, tilting her head, “Doctor Jo Laughlin. And you are?”

“Andy,” I say, shaking the hand she offers me and I can feel she is still tense, “I’m sorry I was staring at you earlier. I… somehow caught the sound of your voice and I couldn’t let go. You must be one hell of a teacher.”

“Depends,” she answer with a slight smile, “What was I talking about?”

“I… honestly have no idea. I’m more of a literature person, to be honest; I’m afraid anything related to science or medicine just goes through my mind and out.”

“Hm,” she says, pondering, “Good thing I was only telling them about the general geography of the floor. Words like bathroom, pharmacy, waiting room”

            She gives me this fake smile, like a mother knowing damn well what her kid is trying to hide from her, only a bit colder. Was she the one who trained Lucas to be this attentive?

“Again, the sound of your voice… I didn’t really pay attention to the content. I didn’t mean to offend you, I just– spaced out.”

“Well, let’s hope it won’t happen again, ‘cause that’s incredibly rude to just stare at people like that.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“No problem. Hurry now, you wouldn’t want to be late to your appointment with Doctor Leroy.”

“Nope.”

            We stare at each other for another moment, until I start walking back. I take good care to go up the stairs and not down. I’ll just go wait in the bathroom for thirty minutes and then leave the place. Who the hell was that?

 

*******

 

            I fiddle with my pen, trying to figure out what to do. We’re currently at the twins’ hall, in the lounge, studying for mid-terms. Liv went to fetch some more soda and snacks; she’s been gone for over a minute and I know she’ll be back any second now, so I can’t just start a conversation with Lucas about Josette Laughlin. But I want to. And at the same time, I don’t want to.

            I keep trying to make a decision but it’s too late already; Liv is coming back. We fall back into silence, studying, and only speak in order to ask and answer about our class. Then my stomach starts grumbling and both twins look up at me.

“It’s you turn to order, Andy.”

“Alright,” I say, grabbing my phone. “What do you guys want?”

“The usual,” she says, “No, wait: no mushrooms but _tons_ of peperoni. And cheese. Lots of cheese.”

“Okay, Luke?”

            I glance up but look back down at once. I can’t even hold his stare, how am I supposed to ask him whether he lied on purpose or forgot that there was another witch on campus? Does that mean I can’t trust all the information he’s been giving me on his and Liv’s whereabouts recently? My throat tightens at the thought. Everything has been pretty normal; was it real or did he play me? Have I been missing out on major witches stuff?

“Vegetarian; extra red pepper.”

“Got it,” I say, getting up and leaving to room in order to order. And breathe.

            Twenty-five minutes later, my phone rings, meaning the pizza deliverer is in front of the building. I get up at once and leave. I’m in the stairs when Lucas calls after me, “Andy. Hey, wait up.” I don’t slow down and he finally catches up with me. “Hey, is everything okay? You seem a little down.”

“I don’t know, I…” I trail off. I don’t want to confront him about it; I want _him_ to tell me about it. I want to be right about trusting him with clan business. God, I hadn’t realized how much I’ve been investing in our secret alliance. His phone rings and he refuses the call.

“Sorry, it’s Jason. Again.”

“You should ditch the guy.”

“I know, I just– it’s complicated.”

“This is _so_ why I don’t do boyfriends,” I mutter.

“Why?”

“The drama. And because I can’t tell them things. I mean– I can, but I can’t tell them _clan_ things, which is kind of the main thing I have going on in my life; so then you feel guilty about lying while the other person tries really hard to understand why all the secrecy and you start wondering if you can trust them with your biggest, darkest secret… ” I trail off and sigh, “You get the idea.”

“There’s no way I would share anything coven-related with Jay. I mean, I like him a lot but that’s just the border.”

“Yeah well, one day he’ll want more,” I say dryly.

            I open the door and exchange a couple words with the deliverer. I fish in my jeans for what I owe plus tip and take the pizzas. Lucas easily snags two of the boxes to carry up and comments, “Sharing about coven slash clan stuff requires a trust. Jay and I…we don’t have that trust.”

“Like you and I do?”  

“We’re different.” He nudges me with a smile. “We’re on trusting-each-other-with-our-lives basis.”

I try not to snort but can’t keep from rolling my eyes. “Precisely.” He looks at me with an arched brow and I let out, “Lucas, how many Gemini witches are there on campus?”

            His eyes widen with surprise and then he frowns.

“There’s… Liv and there’s me; that makes two. Why?”

I shrug. “Just wondering whether your coven would send someone over to watch you guys until the merge; make sure you actually do it.”  

“It’s not like we have a choice,” he whispers. “They’ll call us when we need to come home and we’re not even thinking about avoiding it, we’re just– trying to live as best as we can before the time comes. But sending someone over? I don’t see them doing that. I mean, knowing about the Lightbringers now, I can picture my dad calling his old friend for someone to monitor us and make sure we follow orders but since you’re here already… No, I don’t think he would send someone.”

“You would tell me if there were another witch I should be watching, right?”

Here we go, Luke. Last chance to spill it; you’d better take it.

“Yeah, I mean, isn’t that the whole point?”

            I take a moment to think back on how we started working together. At first, it was out of necessity; because we needed stuff from each other, but in the course of a few months, I know it grew to something more. We don’t _need_ these daily reports, for instance. I could very well watch the twins from afar and be done with it. We don’t _have_ to train and we don’t _have_ to be friendly, or help each other out. Somewhere along the road, we adjusted our duties toward our families to each other, sharing news and ideas and trying to solve concerning issues together. As a team. We’re partners; we look out for each other and it simply is priceless to have someone you can count on.

He looks and sounds sincere and I hold on to that because I want to believe him. I want to believe that he truly doesn’t know. My every instinct as a Lightbringer tells me no to trust him and to start digging on Josette Laughlin, which I’m gonna do anyway, and if I find anything about her, then I’ll confront Lucas. But until then, I’m gonna choose to believe him. I’m gonna choose my friend.

 

***********

 

“Hey, were you at the Corn Maze Party tonight?”

“Couldn’t make it,” I sigh over the phone. “Dominic needed me at the _Scull_. What did I miss?”

“A whole bunch actually.” He sounds agitated. I frown.

“Luke, what did I miss?”

“Long story short: massive car accident. Tyler’s car went through the maze full speed and ran over half a dozen students.”

“No shit,” I breathe out, sitting up on my bed. “Are you and Liv okay? Any casualties?”

“We’re fine, we’re both fine. Only one person…”

            He sighs painfully and I wait for the terrible truth. The thing is, though Tyler used to be a vampire-werewolf hybrid, when he came back from the dead, he wasn’t anymore. He actually died the hard way: Travelers made him cross the town border and watched Spirit Magic wear off until death ensued, which made him now a living human boy with a werewolf gene. And apparently, he just killed someone.  

“Did Tyler–”  

“No– um,” he sniffs and I wonder whether he’s been crying.

“Luke…” I say softly.

“It’s just– Liv was there with him and when they realized that guy was gonna die… She suffocated, so Tyler wouldn’t trigger his werewolf curse.”

“What,” I let out.

“She’s locked up in her room and… she doesn’t want to talk to me. I just– She killed a person, Andy… I never wanted her to go through this, not in the time that she has left; she’s not meant to–” he stops and I can picture the tears rolling down his cheeks, which an unexpected blow to my heart.

“Hey, hold on,” I try to sound comforting, “I’ll be here in ten, okay?”

            How can this be happening to Liv? She’s trying to live the last few months of her life fully, how does she get to deal with this kind of mess? Why her? I get dressed as fast as I can and head to their dorm. Lucas is waiting for me outside their suite; his cheeks are dry now but his eyes are red and puffy. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just–”

            He lowers his head and I grab him for a hug. I’m not usually a hug person but I definitely think he’s earned one. His arms are surprisingly strong and comforting and I wonder when was the last time I actually hugged someone. As he embraces me back, I can almost hear him wish he were the one to have done it, and not Liv. He knows this kind of action takes time to process, and Liv doesn’t _have_ time.

“Where is she?” I ask gently.

“Still in her room. I don’t know what to tell her; I feel like anything _I_ could say is hypocrite. And seeing her like that… she really didn’t need that, Dee, it’s so unfair.”

“I know,” I say, rubbing his back, “I know.”

            After a minute, I step away and turn to the door. He only grabs my wrist for a second, until our eyes lock. I nod to him and he lets me in. I know Luke and Liv’s suite, I’ve been here before; I walk up to her room and knock.

“Go. away,” Liv’s broken voice cries. Unbothered and bitchy Liv Parker is in tears; My heart seems to break as well.

“Liv, it’s me, Andy.” Silence meets my words. She must be wondering why I’m here; whether Lucas told me about what happened and to what extent.

“What do you want?”

“I’d like to come in, if that’s okay.” I wait for a minute until she uncloses the door. Liv faces me with her red, puffy eyes, overflowing with tears; her makeup is all smudged.

“What are you doing here?”

“Your brother called. Said it was a friend emergency.” She clenches her jaw to keep more tears from falling, and opens the door a bit wider so I can come in. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” she shrinks back, going straight to her bed after closing the door.

“Do you want to talk about something else?”

“No.”

            I nod and take off my shoes before I lie down next to her, taking her hand in mine. She squeezes hard, and I know she is grateful for my presence, even though she can’t share with me what happened. How do you explain to your human friend you had to kill someone so your boyfriend doesn’t trigger his werewolf curse?

“Promise me you’ll never ask Luke what happened tonight,” she murmurs after a while, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

            I frown at first, and then nod, thinking to myself that it’s not really a lie since I already know; I won’t need to ask. “I just– I don’t want you to see me differently,” she cries, “I know I’m not the best of friends, you know, but I’m trying. You’ll remember that, right?”

            She means after she’s gone. My eyes sting when I squeeze her hand and nod once more. Liv watches me silently for a moment, before closing her eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

Nine

 

“Here you go,” he says, placing a steaming mug of coffee in front of me.

“Thanks.”

“Sure.” He sits down across from me and starts sipping his juice.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?”

“Nothing,” he says, still smiling. “Though I _do_ like it better when we spend the morning over breakfast rather than fighting your punch bag in the forest.”

“It’s for your own good,” I say, pointing my fork at him.

“I know. Thank you.”

“Sure. I mean, I can’t just let you go around, dancing with vampires and werewolves, with only your magic to defend yourself. This is basically charity.”

“Right,” he mocks. “Still, thank you. And thank you for staying over. Liv probably won’t say it but it means a lot.”

“What are friends for?” I say and Lucas smiles. And in that smile, I feel like I know why despite every oath of loyalty toward the clan and the family, my dad never spoke of Luke’s. Maybe it’s just history repeating itself, since Lucas, Olivia and I are also college friends, but I feel like this friendship will only grow and grow over time. Even if we don’t keep in touch, even if we end up borderline adversaries on certain cases. Right now, I feel like if twenty years from now, I come to Lucas and ask him to let me hide my gone-astray-killing-machine-of-a-son in a prison instead of taking him out the old Lightbringer way, he’ll just help me and mention it to no one. Just like my dad did.

            Liv comes in, looking exactly like I always imagined her to look when it is this early in the morning. She sits down, failing at holding back a yawn, and seems very unhappy to be here. Her breakfast is ready for her and she sips her coffee in silence for a while.

“You said Luke called you?” she asks all of a sudden, squinting.

            Her brother and I share a glance before I answer, “Yeah. I mean he didn’t say what was wrong exactly but he did say you needed a friend. Right, Lucas?”

“Right.” He nods and we avoid sharing a glance this time. A white lie can’t hurt.

“So what, you guys just– pick up the phone and talk about how bad I need a friend.”

            Luke cocks his head, sensing the explosion coming. He places a hand over her wrist and locks eyes with her.

“Hey. You were a mess last night and you didn’t wanna talk to me. I was worried, so I called your friend.”

“You mean you called _our_ friend, ‘cause there is just so much that we share.” Again, her brother and I share a cautious glance before she adds, “Do you think I haven’t noticed you two parenting me around? You’re together all the time or talking over the phone or texting… I mean you two look like you’re married already, is there something I should know?”

“Are you… seriously, seriously suggesting that I should _come out_?”

“You did it once,” she shrugs. “Anyway, I’m spending the day with Tyler; I don’t wanna see your faces right now.” She then clears her throat and leaves for the bathroom without another word.

“Is that your morning routine?” I ask after a minute, ready to laugh.

“I– She tends to be… cranky in the morning.”

“Wow.”

“Don’t judge; I’m pretty sure you have a couple flaws as well.”

I chuckle, happy to be here right now anyway, and say “If you weren’t gay, I think I would end up marrying you, Lucas Parker.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, you make me coffee in the morning and you let me choose the music when we drive.”

“You do realize we wouldn’t be having sex. Like ever.”

“I do,” I nod, playing along, “but no marriage is perfect, Lucas darling. And I’m sure we would come up with some arrangement.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Think about it though: not having to lie to your boyfriend about why you went away for the whole week.”

“You wouldn’t tell me the exact why though,” he objects, acting stern.

“But you would know enough. Utter secrecy is a major deal breaker; trust me. I mean, beside the classified details, I don’t have to hide anything from you. You have no idea how refreshing that is.”

“You know what, you’re right. If you were a guy, I would probably end up marrying you too.”

 

*********

 

            I close the trunk and glance at Luke. His hands are stuck in his jeans pocket and he has this big, sad smile that I kind of hate.

“I should stay.”

“No, you should not.”

“What if something happens?”

“Liv and I have been okay our entire– well, at least for the past eighteen years. Nothing crazy is going to happen over a week.” I look away and he places his hands on my shoulders, locking his eyes on mine with determination. “We’ll be fine. And _if_ something were to happen, you know I would call you. And It’s not like we’re on our own; we have a whole bunch of vampires here to help in case we need it.”

“Right.”

“Go home to your family; have fun, talk to your dad.”

“Easier said than done,” I snort and he smiles. “Is it weird that I don’t want to leave here? I mean it feels… wrong, to abandon you guys–”

“I know what you mean,” the witch nods. “It’s gonna be weird for me too not to have you around. But you have to go. At least to make sure your clan still trusts you completely. Nothing better than a turkey and mashed potatoes to overcome passed quarrels.”

            I roll my eyes but can’t retain a smile. Luke smiles back at me, his eyes lighting up.

“It’s just for a week,” he reminds me. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

“It’d better be,” I say warningly and he chuckles.

            Then my gaze falls onto his ring, the one in which he stored my ancestors before the Other Side went down. It’s been over five months now, and we still haven’t figured out a solution to help them out. Not that they are in any danger, but their spirits probably need a wider space in order to find peace. I chew on my lip and Luke follows my gaze.

“Hey, how about you hold on to this for the week?”

“Your ring?” I frown. “What do you want me to do with it? It’s not like I can use magic or whatever.”

“Did it occur to you that it was an excuse to offer you a ring?” he jokes and I can’t help a smirk.

“It’s your family in there,” he says taking it off his finger, “and it’s Thanksgiving. You guys should be together.” I stare at him, squinting, as I try to figure out whether I should take it. I want to, but that doesn’t mean I should. “You’ll bring it back next week,” he insists.

“Thanks.”

            I want to add more, but in the corner of my eye, I see Liv walking toward us. I discreetly pocket the ring and we share a glance before his sister joins us.

“Hey, are you sure you don’t want to stay?”

“Liv…” Luke implores, and his twin sister gives him a look.

            She has no idea how easy it would be for me to cancel my family plans and stay with them, with her. I want to appreciate fully all the time that we have left together, but then I know they both need time on their own.

“…all I’m saying is: it’s a long drive and we’ve been invited to a Friendsgiving dinner party.”

“I haven’t.”

“Well, Elena is bringing her boyfriend Liam; we can easily add you to the list.”

“It’s ok,” I smile.

            I can’t think of a weirder dinner party than all the supernaturals in Whitmore sitting around the same table and actually sharing glances and inside jokes while making sure I don’t find out – because even though I _feel_ _like_ I know them, they have no idea that I know.

“I’ll be back in a week. Take care.”

“You too. And be safe.”

            Liv gives me a hug, a rather tight one, which is quite surprising, given that she is not a hug person either. We haven’t spoken about the night I came over and I know she won’t share it with me because it involves all sorts of supernatural explanations that she can’t give her human friend, but I can feel in this long and tight embrace that it didn’t go unnoticed. Liv is not one to give you a long friendship speech, but you get it when she wants you to understand something. And right now, she wants me to know how grateful she is.

            We step back and I can see in her eyes all the things she can’t voice. I give Luke a shorter hug and I finally get in the car. If I spend one more minute on that parking lot saying goodbye, I’m not sure I’ll leave. I drive out of McKinley without thinking about it, focusing instead on some lyrics I mouth along with the radio.

            During the long drive between Virginia and Vermont, I can’t help but compare this year’s Thanksgiving break with last year’s. I was so excited to go home and tell my family about college, I couldn’t wait for a full interview with Alice and the elders, and I was proud to have established contact with my targets. By that time last year, I had planted a tracker on their phones and I could monitor their every move from my computer. My head was still in the game; I was to watch and assess.

            But now? I feel like I have been dancing on the border of treason. Not that I would ever turn on my family or anything, but when you think about it, I _have_ been sharing clan knowledge with a witch. Not that I shared any classified details but he knows about us. This should probably concern me; I know my clan would be concerned. But I’m not. All I can think about is how easier it all became. Luke has been giving me information honestly, knowing that I still watch him and Liv – and I haven’t discovered anything between them and Josette Laughlin so far.

I know my views on the clan are starting to change because of that. And I know that I’ll need to let them know about my plans one day, and they’ll probably freak out, but if anything, it gives me hope. Hope for a better future, and hope for better Lightbringers.

            The next day, the sky is already dark when I finally pull over in front of the house. There is nothing but green, wide moors and large, bare forests around our property. I forgot how much I love this place.

“Andy!”

            My head snaps toward Jared’s voice as he walks out to me, a broad grin already spreading on his lips. I disappear in his embrace; hugging Jared is like hugging a bear.

“Hi, Jared,” I smile, inhaling the familiar scent of pine and fresh mint.

“It’s good to see you, kid. Damn, are you taller?”

“This joke is getting as old as you, Jar. And it’s not even my birthday.”

“Ouch.” He runs a hand through his hair, and I notice silver is starting to pop near his temples.

“Let her take a breath, will you?” another voice calls and we both turn to Alice.

            As usual, she is dressed in black; not necessarily her combat leathers, which she rocks, but practical and elegant clothes that seem to confirm her badass leader status. Her black hair is shorter than mine but her eyes are the same dark brown. She comes for a welcome hug while Jared opens the trunk.

“Did you really need all that?” he asks in disbelief. “Or did someone forget to mention you’re staying for three months?”

“Very funny,” I mock.

            Then I see my dad. He is standing on the front porch, probably not knowing whether or not he should come and say hi. We stare for a minute, and I can feel all the resentment from a couple months ago evaporate. I was vexed that he lied to us but I understand. I picture him being young, with his own Lucas and Olivia Parker, and I understand why he did it.

“Dad,” I smile, finally walking over to him for a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, baby,” he says after a while, hugging me back.

            For the first few hours, the conversation is all over the place. They’re all about clan news and every time they ask about my witches, I need to remember to stay vague and I try to redirect my answers toward school. Jared and Alice insisted on carrying my bags up to my room without my dad’s help, which resulted in a bit of tension for a couple minutes, but I led him to the kitchen so we could start making hot cocoas and cookies. I had forgotten how cold it was in November up here in the north; I was certainly not prepared for this.

            I don’t stick around for long that first night; the drive was tiring and though I stopped for the night after I passed New York, it was an intense two days. I take to shortest shower ever and prepare for bed, texting of course Lucas and Olivia about making it home safe. I am about to fall asleep when my phone rings.

Luke Parker. I frown, half-smiling, and pick up.

“Hey. You already miss me?”

“Immensely,” he chuckles. “I’m just glad to hear you made it safe.”

“Yep, all good. And it turns out I was stressing out over nothing; my family’s happy to see me and… It’s actually good to be home.”

“Good,” he says, maybe a little too enthusiastically to sound true. Silence stretches and I feel like there is something he wants to say but won’t. I can’t help but wonder whether it’s about Jason and mundane things or whether it’s Liv or if maybe _something_ has come up.“ So,” he finally says, “the weirdest thing happened today.”

“Hm-mm?”

“Damon’s alive.”


	10. Chapter 10

Ten

 

            My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take a discreet peek. Luke Parker – _How are things going?_

            I smile and look around. We’re all sitting in the main room at our family estate. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday because it always felt like we were an ordinary family. I look at the clan members who could make it to our annual reunion and feel like we’re nothing more than a big family; one with weird witch-fight-anecdotes that we share, but still a whole bunch of people who take pleasure in cooking batches of food while talking all at once and laughing.

            No one has talked to me about my mission or how I lost my witch. I got the basic ‘so how’s your mission coming along, Andy?’ to which I answered ‘Pretty good,’ and we moved on to the next person. They talk on and on and I mostly watch and listen. I know I haven’t been doing anything wrong per se but I tend to feel like an outlaw.

I glance at my dad. Was this how he felt for years? Was his mind often going somewhere else; far off to Portland, Oregon, wondering about his old friend but not daring to share it with us?

            Another question has creeped to my mind during the last few days and I haven’t been able to shake it: did Mom know? I am suddenly very aware of Luke’ ring, sitting on a chain under my sweater. I take another look at everybody around; if they all knew that our ancestors and late clan members are sitting with us right now, how would they react? Would they thank me for saving them from oblivion or would they rise to their feet and use supernatural speed and strengths to neutralize me, accusing me of taking part by alliance?

            We take a break right before dessert, so Lucien and Lorraine can go outside and have a cigar, while everybody take their turn to the bathrooms or stretch out a bit. Alice is listening to Simone’s old anecdotes, patient and intent, while Jared is busy playing with the young kids –  they are always super impressed when our first lieutenant takes time for them. I get up and walk toward a window in order to text Luke that everything is going well and return the question.

The news of Damon coming back from the dead kept us talking for hours that first night. It turns out the vampire didn’t really die when he got stuck on the collapsing Other Side. He woke up one day in a deserted version of the world. For the last six months, he’s been trapped in a loop of the same day, reliving it over and over again. He hasn’t given his friends much explanation about what he went through; he was rather impatient to reunite with Elena. I wonder how she reacted, since she asked Professor Saltzman to compel her good memories of him away so she wouldn’t drown in her grief. All Luke was able to tell me, is that Bonnie wasn’t there with him – wherever he was. According to the vampire, my Bennett witch found peace, which is more or less a relief.

When Luke texts back that he’ll call me later, I frown, already imagining the worst. That’s when my dad walks up to me and sighs.

“Thanksgiving was your mother’s favorite holiday.”

“I know. It’s mine too.”

“I know.” His hands are in his pockets and he keeps shifting his weight from foot to foot while I try not to focus on his breathing. He’s been doing good for years but I won’t shake this old habit.  

“You and I never really talked about… our argument,” he finally says.

Ah. THE argument. The one we had when I visited over summer and Alice told me the only way she’d ever gotten to meet with the Gemini leader was because Dad called his old buddy Josh Parker and vouched for her. I peek over my shoulder and look back at him.

“Do you really want to do this while the entire clan is in the room?” I ask discreetly. I know they’re all busy chatting and no one can hear us because of all the noise and the music but still.

He shrugs. “I’m not sure why your sister hasn’t told them yet, but they’ll know eventually. They’ll know what I did.”

            I frown at his distant voice and imitate him for a while, watching through the window. Did he ever forgive himself for going against clan’s rules and making a secret alliance with a witch? I had never thought of that but now I wonder. “I know what it looks like but I didn’t betray the clan.”

“Dad–”

“No, I think you need to hear this, Andy. I am not a traitor, I have never been. I only developed a friendship with two twin witches when I was in college. Kind of the same setting as yours actually: I was assessing them before their merge.”

            Now it’s my turn to shift weight from foot to foot. He has no idea how similar our situations actually are. “I didn’t sell classified information, never. It was more of a cooperation. Josh would let me know if anyone from his coven needed to go back on tracks and I agreed to protect them if a big bad threat ever came their way, that’s it. It was working in good intelligence, Andy, and it worked. For years. Josh and I are not as close as we used to be but he did call me when…” He trails off and closes his eyes.

“When his own son went astray,” I finish. My throat hurts and I really want to tell him about Luke and Liv and how we ended up in the exact same situation; I want to tell him about Mom and let him know that it’s all gonna be okay. But then I remember how he kept it a secret from everybody, and I realize he was not just protecting himself; he was protecting us and his friend as well. Because the more people know of a secret, the more risks at having it spilled.

“It’s alright, Dad. I’m not mad at you anymore.”

“No?”

I shake my head. “I understand why you did it.”

“Wow,” he winces, not ready for that. “I haven’t heard those words since your mother said them.”

My head whips to him. “She knew?”

“Of course, she knew.” He flashes me a grin. “You don’t expect me to keep my biggest secret from her. And had I, she would have found me out in a heartbeat.”

“What did she think?”

“Honestly? She found it amazing.” My eyes widen and he chuckles. “Laura wasn’t uptight about the rules, Andy. She respected the clan of course, but while the elders would have deemed my secret alliance with Josh an aberration and a reckless risk, your mother thought it was rather practical.”

“Practical how?”

“I don’t know if I should be telling you this…” he winces. “With the suspension you almost got–” 

“Come on, what did Mom think?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “You were too young to remember this but… she was a progressist, your mother. She didn’t just want to sternly police witches around when they did bad; she was also in favor of protecting them when they were good. Her main argument was that if we kept taking out evil witches but didn’t openly defend good ones when they needed it, then there wouldn’t be any witches left one day.” I stare at him, incapable of uttering a word.

“When I heard you defend your witches at the commission… it felt like I was hearing her. She thought it was fantastic that I actually had a peaceful in with the Gemini coven when I told her about Josh. He’d recently become leader after merging with his brother and he was very intent on coven duty and not going astray. I don’t know, I thought that I wouldn’t need to worry about monitoring them because they had one hell of a leader, who knew what was at stake. And Josh knew he could call me for protection if he needed it, so there was no bullying him into doing evil stuff for anyone.”

            He shrugs again and I want him to know; I _need_ him to know that I think exactly the same thing. I want to yell, ‘Let’s do this! Let’s assign each coven leader a Ligthbringer friend so we can have a life! No more going undercover for entire weeks or months!’  

But I purse my lips and he resumes talking, “I’m sure this could work, to be honest; even though the elders were more than reluctant when she started talking about it. We were still allowed to discreetly intervene when one of our witches was in danger, back then.”

“What happened?” I ask. “How come we’re not allowed to even do that anymore?” And I instantly remember the circumstances of her death, the vampire that tore her throat because she was standing in the way between him and her witch.

“Your mother owned her beliefs, Andy. It was no secret that she’d saved one of her witches once. Some admired her and were starting to think like her; others despised her decisions. When she died, this idea of a Lightbringer interfering, even for good reasons, died with her. We went back to being witches’ shadows.”

            He sighs and contemplates the sky darkening outside. We don’t talk for a while, until he says, “I miss her, you know. And thinking that she’s gone forever with the Other Side–”

“She’s not,” I let out before thinking, and his head whips to me.

“What do you mean, she’s not?”

            I open my mouth and close it, trying to decide what I can share. Taking a page out of my dad’s book appears to be the better solution. I simply smile.

“She wasn’t there when the Other Side collapsed.”

“How would you know, where would she be?”

“She found peace.”

            He stares at me for a minute, probably wondering whether I’m saying this to make him feel better or if I actually know it to be true. Lucien’s voice calling us all for dessert breaks our bubble of silence and I head back to my slot around the table.

 

*****

 

“My sister is here; here at Whitmore.” I grip my phone more tightly and frown.

“Luke, I know. That’s the whole point.”

“No– I mean, of course Liv is here, but I’m talking about my other sister; the one that survived family-murder-night.”

“I thought you guys were the only survivors,” I say, thinking about my dad who wouldn’t even tell the entire thing. Loyal to his friend until the very end.

“Jo made a deal with our coven and left. We haven’t had contact in _eighteen_ years; we didn’t even know she was in Virginia.” Jo. As in Josette Laughlin? I hold my breath. Should I tell him that I knew about her? But then he’d be pissed about me not telling him. He’s telling me now, let’s keep it that way until I get to see him. “…is a badass, bossy doctor at Whitmore Med,” he says with enthusiasm. “She supervises Elena and Liam’s pre-med year and she’s _so_ awesome.”

“How did she end up in Virginia in the first place?”

“Our grandma knew Bonnie’s grandmother, Sheila Bennett. Our family always had an in at Whitmore; she said Sheila took her under her wing when she left.”

“Wow.”

“I know!” He sounds so happy, I can’t help but smile. Apparently, Liv wasn’t so thrilled. It only reminded her that she and Luke were the second set of twins in their family. They were the spare set, only alive because their parents didn’t want Josette and her twin Malachai to merge.

            Other than that, Luke tells me how Damon, Stefan and Alaric skipped Friendsgiving dinner because they were heading to Portland, Oregon, to pay a visit to Luke’s father. Apparently, Damon didn’t say the entire truth about coming back from the dead – shocker – and Bonnie _is_ still alive, inconveniently trapped in the prison world where the Gemini put Malachai, eighteen years ago.

They were looking for a magical artifact that could open the portal and let her out but Joshua Parker stood strongly against it: there was no way he was taking the risk to let his son out as well. According to him, the guy would go to Jo first thing in order to merge and she doesn’t have it in her to win.

“Could he still become coven leader after all this time?” I ask, sitting down on my bed.

“If he were to merge, yes. And my dad said we can’t just let the coven – and the world – deal with the whims of a madman; to which I agree.”

“Right, so what can we do? I mean, Bonnie is still in there; she’s alive. We need to get her back.”

“I know. Right now, I only see one solution: we wait for our twenty-second birthday, we do the merge, and the stronger one–”

“Luke,” I cut him off, knowing damn well which one of them is the stronger one.

“The stronger one opens the portal. Kai will be facing a powerful coven leader and there won’t be any merge left for him to complete. We get Bonnie out, close the portal real quick and toss the key.”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure Damon is gonna try and pull something… He doesn’t want to hear it, you know. All he cares about is winning Elena back. He must think that bringing her best friend back from the dead will earn him points.”

“That would be a pretty good gift,” I admit, “considering she doesn’t remember loving him in the first place.”

            A couple days ago, after Luke told me Damon was back, some crazy vampire hunter in Mystic Falls kidnapped him and Enzo. After overcoming dangerous obstacles in order to save them, the party ended up at the town’s border with Alaric nearly dying again, because the Spirit Magic maintaining him undead as a vampire was wearing off. Good thing Doctor Jo happened to be with him then: she saved him before his injury killed him for good. However, he’d spent too much time within the town’s perimeter, and the magic had completely worn off. He’s not a vampire anymore, meaning he can’t compel Elena’s happy memories with Damon back.

“Anyway, we can’t open the portal without the ascendant, and Jo’s hidden it somewhere safe. We only need to sit and wait.”

“I can’t believe so much happened over a week.”

“ _Right_? When do you come back?”

“I leave tomorrow.”

“Good. It doesn’t feel right not to have you here, to be honest.” I only smile, appreciating that he misses me as much as I miss him. “Oh, and I was over the phone with my dad earlier.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, with all that happened, he wanted to check up on us. He’ll probably come around some time before the merge and he’s been debating sending a couple witches over to Whitmore in the meantime. Just to make sure everything plays smooth.”

“Thanks for telling me,” I say sincerely, my heart full of gratitude for my friend. I remember all too well how I freaked out when I first saw Jo.

“Well, I’d rather you know beforehand instead of going all witch hunter and kill before asking.”

“I would _never_ do that.”

“I know,” he chuckles. “But you must know that my coven– our family is super dysfunctional, to be honest. If anyone comes, they won’t be making friends with a possible witch hunter. They’ll kill before asking.”

“Sweet. I can’t wait to meet your family.”

“It’s not solid. I’ve been trying to talk my dad out of it. We don’t need anyone following us around.”

“Ouch.”

“I mean, beside you.”

“I know what you meant,” I smile before sighing. “I can’t wait for all this to be over.”

“Me too. And at the same time… I _so_ don’t want this to be over.”

“I know.”

            We stop speaking, letting our upcoming grief fill the silence.


	11. Chapter 11

Eleven

.

**_McKinley, Virginia – December 2012_ **

 

“Andy, what are you doing behind the bar? It’s not your shift.”

            I look up to see Dominic walking up my way. He always looks stern and preoccupied though he can be very soft and caring when he senses that we need it; that’s why staff members call him ‘Mominic’ behind his back, which I approve.

“Liv asked me to fill in for her this afternoon, and she’ll come tonight instead. We swapped.”

            He shakes his head and runs his hand through his white, short hair, already heading toward his office.

“Wonder why I bother editing schedules…” I hear him mumble. Clarke and I share a fond smile and he gently claps the counter.

“Alright, Andy, I’m leaving you in charge. Don’t burn the house while I’m away.”

“Duly noted,” I nod.

            Clarke flashes me a grin and leaves. I grab a tray and go around the hall, disposing of empty glasses and swiping tables. It is rather calm this afternoon and I’m glad Liv and I traded shifts. The _Scull_ is hosting this huge pre-Christmas party tonight and I so don’t want to be working here when all the drunk people come and do crazy-stupid stuff. I want to be among the drunk people.

            I sigh and try not to think about it. I still haven’t answered Eric’s text; he wants us to go together. I know him, though. If I accept, he’ll turn this into a date and I don’t want to fight over that, not again. But then, Steven’s also asked me out. He is so much more understanding than Eric when it comes to our friends-with-benefits relationship. I shake my head: I don’t really want to go with any of them tonight. Luke won’t even be there; he’s out of town for the weekend with his new boyfriend, the radiologist. I’ll be on my own, I might as well meet new people.

            Hours go by and I’m nearly done. As I keep cleaning glasses, thinking about this new red dress I’ll be wearing tonight, my eye catches the glimmer of a Light. A witch Light, definitely. Different from what I’ve seen before – not really bleak but not really there either; fluctuating, I would say. Nonetheless, I would recognize a Gemini Light pretty much anywhere and it seems like one of them just entered the bar.

            The fact that Luke told me quite early on that this could happen keeps me from freaking out, literally. It’s actually a precious advantage that he gave me over his fellow coven member and I know it. I also value the fact that I won’t have to spend so much time following him around in order to discover that he’s only here to watch the twins until they come home for the merge. Thanks Luke.

            I watch the guy walk up to me and sit up on a stool. “Hi, what can I get you?”

“Well, hi there… Andy,” he says, reading it on my name tag, “I’ll have a soda to keep me patient.”

“Waiting for someone?”

“Yeah…” he trails off, looking around. “Kind of a family reunion. Can’t wait.”

            I smile and hand him his drink. He doesn’t seem as stern and closed-minded as Luke makes his coven sound like; he looks friendly and I feel like telling him ‘Hey, you missed Liv but she’ll be back in a couple hours.’ But I know I can’t really do that. In an ideal world, where Lightbringers and Witches would all be buddies, I _could_ do that. He would smile and thank me for letting him know; then we would probably start chatting about why his Light looks like that and we would share a knowing glance when a regular customer would order a drink. The link of secrecy.

However, I am very lucid about the current state of things. Luke and I have talked about it multiple times: it won’t be done in a day. I don’t know, maybe our kids or our grandkids will be allowed to be friends out in the open. That’d be cool.

“It’s funny,” the Gemini giggles, sipping his drink and scrolling on his phone.

“What is?” He looks up at me and our eyes lock. Damn, Liv is so right about me; I am such a sucker for blue eyes.

“It feels like I was here in Virginia yesterday – I mean, literally – and it’s all so different…”

“Yeah, I hear little towns have really been building up recently.”

“Not that I’ll have time to tour the area,” he chuckles, cute dimples forming as he smiles. I bite my lip, knowing this to be a beginners’ mistake but I can’t help it.

“How long will you be around?” I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right?

Again, he looks up at me and I see the shift in his eyes, like he sees me for the first time. I grin as he looks me up and down and gives me a flirtatious smile.

“Well, _Andy_ … that depends on quite a lot of things.”

“Are you planning on coming tonight?” I ask, sliding a flyer his way, and he takes a serious look at it.

“What’s tonight?”

“The _Scull_ annual pre-Christmas party. I’ll be here; not working.”

“Then I might do just that,” he says, flashing me a charming smile.

“Sweet.” We hold gaze until the door opens and I perceive Liv’s Light in the corner of my eye.

“I’m not that late,” she says, walking up to the counter. I only look up to the clock then and realize she _is_ ten minutes late.  

“It’s fine. You’ll pay me a round of shooters in apology.”

“Yeah, that’ll happen,” she mocks.

            The other Gemini witch is watching her intently but she doesn’t seem to notice. She’s better at keeping her coven secrets than I thought. Feeling that they might want to be alone for their witch chat, I only give Liv a couple directions about what Dominic wants and tell her Clarke will be coming back to work tonight, and that I’ll be here as well if they need extra help.

“Bullshit. You’re gonna show up, have fun, and find yourself some blue-eyed hottie to go home with.”

            I cock my head and purse my lips, wishing she hadn’t just said that. I can’t help a glance toward her fellow witch, who has obviously been listening to our conversation. Her gaze follows mine.

“She won’t need to look, actually,” he says with an easy smile, “I’m pretty sure I enlisted to that.”

“Good luck, then,” she snorts. “You’re not the only one running for her.”

            I shoot her a look and she gives me a very satisfied grin before heading upstairs to the locker room. The silence between us is not that awkward; his gaze follows her until she disappears upstairs and he sighs almost nostalgically, “Ah, Liv. Ironic.”

            And I couldn’t agree more.

 

*****

 

            Music pounds out of the _Scull Bar_ as I see loads of students going in and out. I’m with my suitemates Jess and Tina, the three of us already tipsy from the pre-christmas-pre-party that we had at a frat house. We enter the bar and go our separate ways after reminding each other that we _have_ to text if we leave with a guy. Which is very likely to happen.  

The main hall is dark, you can only make out people and a couple faces thanks to the colorful neon lights that make the place look mostly blue. Most of the students are dancing to the loud music that keeps you from talking with someone, others are _trying_ to talk, and all of them seem to be drinking.

I run into a couple people that I know, including Steven, and I am quite glad to see him making out with a brunette in his corner of the room. He really gets it, unlike Eric, whom I actually don’t feel like running into tonight.

            I elbow my way to the bar and frown when seeing Clarke and Dominic doing the service. I check my phone but there’s nothing. No missed call, no voicemail, no text. Not even a word from Luke after I texted him about his fellow covensman being in town; I guess he did disconnect for his romantic getaway. I attract Dominic’s attention and he hands me what he knows to be my favorite beer.

“Where’s Liv?”

“She asked to go,” he shouts back to cover the music. “Some family emergency.”

“Do you need me to–”

“It’s all good, Andy. Go have fun. I’m not sure you’re sober enough to work anyway.”

            He’s already back to taking orders, checking IDs and pouring drinks, fast and precise. I frown and feel like I’m sobering up. I check my phone again. If there actually were a family emergency, Luke would have called me. Or texted. He wouldn’t keep me in the dark, he would at least text me a mysterious ‘We need to talk’ or ‘I’ll call you later’. I exhale and try to calm down. This is Liv we’re talking about. She probably pretexted a family drama in order to have some time and privacy with the Gemini guy. Or maybe they did talk and she was feeling too down about the merge to even come to work.

            I reach for my phone and text her, asking whether she’s in her room. I don’t want her to spend the night crying on her own. When I look up, I notice someone staring at me with a slight smile. At the other side of the bar, sitting on the very same stool I left him on a couple hours ago, the Gemini guy waves at me. I don’t smile right away, because I’m feeling a rather pressing urge to break his knees – which is so unfair, given that I don’t know for sure whether he made Liv cry.

            I wave at him to join me but he waves back. I give him one of my most devilish smiles – I can pull these ones too – and tilt my head, gesturing him to join. He gives in and walks up to me, never breaking eye contact and I can tell he is still on our previous flirting encounter, while I am rather in an I-can-kill-you-if-you-make-my-friend-cry kind of a mood.

            He stops before my stool and sets his drink onto the counter. “So?”

“I just wanted to say ‘hi’,” I say with a smile.

“Well, hi there,” he retorts, taking in the red split dress I’m wearing, enjoying the view.

“Were you here all day?”

“What?” he shouts, leaning in in order to hear despite the music.

“I said: did you stay here all day?”

“Oh, no. I had this family reunion. I even saw an old friend.”

“And how did it go?”

“Pretty smooth,” he nods and I imperceptibly relax. He doesn’t know me, doesn’t know who I am, so he has no reason to be lying to me. I’m itching to go check on Liv but tonight might be my only chance at planting a tracker on his phone. If he’s gonna stay, I need to get this out of the way.

“How about you buy me drink?” I ask, and he flashes me a grin.

“Sure, what do you drink?”

“Same as you.”

            His eyes light up and I can tell he likes me bold and confident. Most guys do; until you remind them next morning that you meant it when you said it was a one-night thing. He turns to the counter and orders my drink while I examine him. He’s taller than me, like six feet tall; he has short, dark brown hair I’m kinda itching to mess with, a light tan on his skin, smooth, clean cheeks that make him look like a younger boy, and blue-gray eyes that already got me hooked.

            He hands me my drink and we mostly sip and watch each other. He doesn’t know that assessing is my specialty but he seems to be quite the observer as well; I can almost see the mechanics of his brains working fast. Something tells me he is a smart boy.

“Are you gay?” I suddenly ask and he cracks me a smile. “Just– tell me now.”

“Not really, no. Do I look like I’m gay?”

“You never know,” I say with a mysterious smile. “Anyway, are you gonna invite me to dance?”

            He glances at the dancefloor, crowded with students, and I can see a glimmer of hesitation in his eyes.

“I– haven’t really danced in a while.”

“Then what are we waiting for?”

            I jump off my stool and offer him my hand. He looks down at it for a second, then back up at me and takes it. I lead him to the dancefloor and start moving to the rhythm. It doesn’t look like anything but I don’t really care. He watches me and other people around us for a little while, sort of thrown off, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. I guess the Gemini parties he’s used to are nothing like this. I take his hands and playfully set them on my waist and he finally starts moving along.

            After a while, the awkwardness disappears and I can see a happy smile spread on his face. We look like any other students seductively dancing together and we stop paying attention to other people bumping into us, making our bodies collide. We dance and exchange a few thoughts on the songs and laugh and for a moment, maybe a little longer, I kind of forget that I considered ripping his eyes out a little while ago. We’re so ending up at his place.

            We are only interrupted once: when a Taylor Swift song goes on and Jess comes all the way to find me, her hand squeezing some hot guy’s.

“See?” she shouts. “Always a good hit.”

            We laugh and spend the song dancing with our partners while singing – or rather, shouting – the lyrics together. I wish Luke were here too, he would have loved it. Jessica knows how to make an entrance but she also knows when to leave. She gives me a knowing wink before disappearing again in the crowd and I grin widely.

            At some point, my Gemini partner stops and frowns, awkwardly getting his phone out of his pocket. He reads a text and looks up at the door, scrutinizing the crowd for someone – and I know that someone can only be one person; or maybe two, but I’m gonna assume that if Luke hasn’t answered me, he’s not answering this guy either.

“What’s up?” I ask loudly to cover the music.

            He leans in and says near my ear, “Family business. I gotta go.”

He doesn’t seem anxious or tense about it, which somehow relaxes me.

“Hand me your phone,” I say back in his ear.

            He assesses me for a second and I suggestively lift my brow. He hands me the device and turns his head, looking some more for the twin he’s supposed to meet. I am so damn glad our parents taught us to plant a tracker as fast as we could and turned it into a competition when we were kids; Alice was always faster but I love a challenge. I also text my phone with his; just my name so he knows it’s me, and I give it back, holding on to it until he leans in and listens, “I saved my phone number. Use it.”

            A smile plays on his lips as he gazes at mine.

“I think I might.”

            I watch him walk away, my heart still beating fast after I succeeded in planting that tracker so quickly. I see him take the small corridor that leads to Dominic’s office, the stocks and other rooms, and I stare. Until I perceive, in the corner of my eyes, a couple supernatural Lights. Tyler, Liv and Luke; all three of them enter the corridor after him. I frown. Then I see Damon, Stefan and Enzo follow after them, and I squint. Something’s off.

Less than a day here: he can’t be meeting with so many supernaturals already; not without something being off.

            I check my phone once more and only discover a text from his unknown number. Nothing from Luke.

I sigh and head after them.


	12. Chapter 12

Twelve

 

I can hear voices inside the room but nothing distinct. I look left and right, glad that the first floor corridor is empty; everybody is busy partying downstairs, I don’t expect anyone to come up and interrupt. I want to, though; interrupt. I feel like something big is going on and my stomach twists with apprehension. And excitement. My heart is beating at high speed; this is so close to blowing my cover.

When voices raise, arguing, I don’t think about it twice and open the door, entering the room in an unsteady, tipsy step. All heads snap to me, and one glance is enough for me to assess the situation. The three vampires, the twins, Tyler holding a hunting knife filled with witch Light, Cute-Gemini-guy standing on his own.

“Here you all are!” I shout, way too loud to sound sober, and they all watch me awkwardly walk my way to them.

“What is that,” Damon asks with a wince as I spin clumsily.

“Andy?”

“What is _she_ doing here?” Enzo asks.

“Andy, go back downstairs,” Luke warns me.

“ _It feels like one of those nights, this place is too crowded, too many cool kids **[1]**…_” I sing, sort of dancing, as I get closer to them, distractingly taking an elastic band off my wrist to tie my hair into a high ponytail.

“Did she just sing Taylor Swift?” Damon whispers.

“She’s drunk,” Liv says, coming my way. “I’ve got this.” She grabs my elbow and pulls toward the door. “Come on, Dee, let’s go back to the party.”

“What? No!” I shout with a pout. “There’s too many people. I prefer your counter-party; it looks fun!”

“Trust me, it’s not,” she says, while I discreetly pull until we’re closer to Tyler and the Gemini stranger.

 “Oh, hey, hot guy from the bar,” I greet him with a candid smile.

“Hi,” my dancing partner says, looking like he’s having fun.

Stefan clears his throat, “Hm-mm, Liv? Do you need help?”

 “What do you say we ditch this place and go for some real fun?” I ask the witch.

            He gives me the widest smile and arches a playful brow, while Liv is still pulling at my elbow.

“Not _him_ , Andy,” she says with authority.

“Chop, chop, little Parker; get rid of her already,” Damon urges.

“Why not?” I ask Liv. “You jealous?”

“Ewe, gross! No! He’s my brother.”

“Your brother?” I repeat, facing her.

            That’s when the pieces fall together and I look up at him. The guy with whom I flirted all night is a murderer; and by the looks of it, he’s about to obtain a very mysterious artifact that is filled with very powerful magic. My witch-gone-astray inner alarm goes off and I immediately know what I’m supposed to do. Stop whatever dangerous exchange is going on, retrieve magical artifact, take out the witch if I have time. “Yeah,” Liv confirms weakly.

            I’ve stopped debating, so she is gently letting go of my arm while sharing a glance with said brother. That is when I turn to him and tilt my head, slightly smiling, “Which makes you… Malachai Parker.”

“It does,” he smiles back.

“Wait. How does she know that?”

“Good,” I assure, taking a step closer. “Cause there’s a death warrant on you.”

            There is a beat of general surprise, long enough for them all to frown or blink. And then I act. With one, smooth kick in Tyler’s hand and a well-calculated lunge, the hunting knife lands in my hand. Tyler is already onto me, trying to get it back, but I’m too fast and too strong for him. It only takes me a couple punches to lie him down. That’s when Damon and Stefan both come for me with their vampire speed.

            I smirk and start tapping into my surplus in order to level up to them. We are at equal forces and speed, but I am a better fighter. I dodge and punch back, almost enjoying this. I take on the both of them, together at first, then separately. Since they keep coming back for more, I resort to neutralizing them. Keeping the precious knife out of reach, I jump and kick and punch swiftly, probably making it all look like an easy and rehearsed choreography, and I finally snap their necks; one after the other. “Whew,” I sigh enthusiastically, getting back up straight as I look down at the bodies. “Andy, two; vampires, zero.”

“You killed them,” Liv whispers, kneeling down next to Tyler and holding his head with care.

“Momentarily,” I object. “And I didn’t kill Tyler, obviously. He’s just knocked out.”

“How do you even know–” she sobs.

“Well, it’s quite obvious,” Enzo cuts her off from his corner of the room, his big brown eyes locking into mine. “Your friend here is a vampire hunter.”

“Nope; just not a fan.”

            He frowns and I give him a knowing smile, hoping he remembers that he almost got the same treatment a couple months ago.

“Andy–” Luke begins.  

“How come you can fight like this? How come you _know_?” Liv cries up to me, pain and shock written all over her face. “ _Who_ are you?”

            I open my mouth, not knowing yet how I’m going to present things, but her older brother beats me to it, “Whoever you are...,” he begins, and I turn my head to see admiration in his gaze, before he mouths, “ _I love you_.” I arch an unimpressed brow at his playful face; all interest for this crazy sociopath is gone. When I report my attention to the others, Enzo is rolling his eyes.

“Andy, you didn’t have to do this.” I turn to Luke and cock my head with anger.

“Didn’t I? Cause I don’t know if you noticed, but we have a major case of going astray in that room. Care to fill me in?”

“I _was_ gonna tell you–”

“Really,” I snap. “Before or after he forcefully merged himself leader of you coven?”

“Wait…You knew?” Liv asks, lifting her pained gaze to Luke.

“Liv–”

“This whole time,” she shouts. “You knew about her. Who she is, what she’s here for–”

“Not the whole time,” her twins tries to argue but she’s shouting now.

“Shut up! How could you not tell me?” They share a long glance and I know that Luke hates himself and me right now. Liv was never meant to know; she was never meant to discover his betrayal. A painful silence overwhelms us, until their brother clears his throat. Our faces turn to him.

“I hate to interrupt,” he says rather lightly, “but I came here for a certain hunting knife. So how about you hand it to me now?”

“Not a chance,” I say and he stares for a while before snorting and giving me a sweet smile.

“I was being polite.” He lifts his hand toward me and chants, “ _Motus_ ,” in a very confident way.

But nothing happens and he loses his smile.

“Sorry, hotshot; that’s not gonna work,” I smirk as I step closer to the door. “Be seeing you”

I leave the room and use supernatural speed to get as far away from here as possible.

So. Blowing my cover, check.

Killing a couple vampires, check.

Flirting around with a sociopath who just escaped form family prison world, also check.

            I look down at the knife, shimmering with a Light only I can see. A Light that looks a lot like Josette’s. I look up and exhale. I know where I’m heading next.

 

*****

 

            I run down the stairs, the hunting knife in one hand, a black sports bag in the other. I turned my phone to silent mode because it kept ringing. First Luke, then Liv, and even Unknown-Cutie, whom I now know to be a dangerous killer. I only came back to my suite to change. My choice of a split dress was a blessing but I need something more comfortable and practical to move around. I am now wearing my black combat leathers, batched up with my knives, and my high ponytail is secure.

            I go through the empty lounge, glad I didn’t run into anyone. Tina and Jess must still be at the party, like everyone else on campus. I suddenly stop in the ground floor lounge and frown. It’s slight, but I can perceive a presence. I am about to turn around when something solid abruptly hits me from behind. I fall to the floor, along with the chair, and reach out for the back of my head. Bloody hell, that hurts.

“Hello again, there,” a familiar voice rejoices.

            I lift my head up and watch Malachai Parker walk up to me in a very predatory step. I wonder how I didn’t notice in his eyes that this guy is out for murder. I try to stand up but he motions another chair to hit me full force and I collapse again, letting out a moan of pain. The guy is smarter that I imagined.

He then kneels down to grab the knife I dropped and says, “That was quite the show that you put on back there; I was really impressed. And entertained. But as you can see, it didn’t take me long to do a little locator spell.” He snorts and flashes me a smile. “You seem to know quite a lot about my coven already, but did you know that I can’t generate my own magic? Kind of the reason why I ended up that prison – well, not exactly – but the point is, I had to siphon Liv’s magic in order to perform that locator spell. And siphoning someone’s magic is… very painful. For them, that is.”

            He stands up and turns around to leave as I try to get back up as well. I can’t let him go with the knife but I’m way too weakened, especially after tapping in my surplus earlier tonight, and I know better than to pick a fight I didn’t come prepared for.

“Anyway, I’d hate to have to kill you, but I will _definitely_ suck all of Liv’s magic until death if you try and pull something like that again.”

He stops at the door, looks out in the corridor, right and left, and then closes the door and goes back a couple steps toward me. I take a difficult breath as I realize he is not done with me.

He fakes a sad smile and says, “But then, it wouldn’t be very smart of me to let you make it out alive; cause’, let’s face it, you’re gonna run after me the second I leave your dorm – I know, I have that effect on women.”

I look around and spot a mug on a table. I start slowly walking towards it, circling my way to keep my distance from him, and he snorts, “I mean, you did give me your number but I wouldn’t want that to keep your hopes up.” I stop next to the mug and eye the door. He chuckles and playfully points the knife at me. “What are you gonna do, throw a mug at me and run?”

I don’t waste time and tap into my surplus again. I grab the mug, break it on the table and throw the biggest piece at him. I only see him reach for the right side of his bloodied throat before I use supernatural speed to flee.  

 

*****

 

            This is so not good. I can’t help but go over what happened and curse at myself for losing the knife. And at Luke, for not telling me. And at that bloody bastard, for almost killing me. I don’t even ring the bell and directly pound at the door. I don’t stop until someone finally opens up, and it’s not the person I expected.

“Professor Saltzman?”

“Yeah,” he blinks hard, signaling I just woke him. He takes a good stare at my face and yawns. “You’re one of my students, right? Andy Moreau?”

“Yep.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Um, looking for Josette Parker Laughlin?” I try with a squint.  My Occult Studies teacher finally notices my outfit and frowns.

“I don’t know how wasted you are right now, but just so you know, this is not appropriate at all. Any of this.” Sweet. Now he thinks I’m drunk and possibly stalking him to his place. I roll my eyes and firmly hold the door when he tries to close it. “Andy,” he warns me, “if you don’t go home, I’m gonna have to call 911 and I’d really hate to do that.”

“I need to talk to Jo, there’s–” He doesn’t let me finish. He slightly punches the crook of my elbow and slams the door. I gape at the white wood now facing me. “Are you serious?”

“Go. away.”

I resume pounding on the door, louder this time, calling for the Gemini witch, “Josette, this is serious. You’re brother is out. You hear me? Kai’s out. And he’s got the knife. Jo!”

            The door opens and the bossy doctor I met at the campus hospital faces me. She looks very angry but I can also perceive a fear in her eyes. Her boyfriend is staring at us both, looking fully awake now. She nods me in and closes the door behind me.

 

[1] 22, in ‘ _Red_ ’, by Taylor Swift, 2012


	13. Chapter 13

Thirteen

 

“Okay, I’m listening.” Jo Parker is facing me, her arms folded. Her stern look doesn’t scare me; I am too preoccupied with what to do next. I’ve lost the knife for God’s sake; things are _so_ not under control. “How do you know about my brother? And the knife?”

“That’s not important–”

“It kinda is,” she cuts me off. “That my family is concerned, I understand; but a total stranger? Not so much.”

“You’re gonna have to trust me.”

“I don’t see that happening.”

“Guys,” Saltzman interrupts, “we don’t have time for this. The real question is: how did Kai get the knife?”

“I had it,” I answer, before reluctantly adding, “then I lost it. But what we _should_ be worrying about right now is you, Josette. He’s got your magic, so now he’s gonna be coming for you. We need to hide you somewhere safe. We can get the younger twins to do a cloaking spell or something…” I trail off as I keep imagining a plan. Yes, we can hide her. Then what? Do I keep her hostage until the twins merge? I mean, I _could_. Easily, since she doesn’t have her magic with her, but that could get messy. Am I allowed to do that? Alaric and Josette are staring at me, squinting, and her phone starts ringing.

“It’s my brother,” she tells Alaric before picking up. “Hi–”  

“Wait, is that Luke?” I ask, marching on her and snatching the phone. “What were you _thinking_?”

“Andy? You with Jo?”

“Of course, I’m with Jo!” I snap, and the other two share a glance. “I seem to be the only one here caring about your brother not pulling off this damn merge! I mean, did you really think I wasn’t gonna find out? The guy’s Light _screams_ Gemini witch.”

“I know; I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean for all this to happen, we just got stuck into… whatever. Just– what do we do now?”

“There’s only one thing we can do now: he’s a damn witch who’s gone astray, so I’m gonna do my damn job and take him out. You’d better get your ass here quick so we can figure out a way to protect your sister.” I hang up and angrily throw the device on the couch, shaking my head to myself. What the hell was he thinking? We can’t lose time over this now but Luke and I really need to talk.

I keep my anger boiling so as not to think about the conversation Liv and I are going to have. That one’s gonna be a mess.

“Wait, you just talked about witch Light and witches going astray…” Josette slowly says as I turn to face her. “Oh my God, you’re a Lightbringer.”

            Excuse me? I cock my head, trying to think fast of something to say and Alaric frowns.

“Wh– what is a Lightbringer?”

“A sort of witch hunter,” she answers, not leaving me out of her sight. “Our dad used to tell us that… if we weren’t good witches, Lightbringers would come for us. Is that why you were following me at the hospital? You were making sure I wasn’t… going astray or whatever.”

“Not exactly. _You_ were not on my list. I was just very surprised to find you there, that’s all.”

“I always thought you were a bedtime story–”  

“Wait,” Alaric frowns, “your dad never mentioned they were real?”

“No, it was more of a warning to use our powers for good.”

“From what I heard, your dad didn’t mean for you to be afraid of us,” I say.

“He used to say that you were fair and that if we kept being good, you would know and leave us alone.”

“Basically.”

“Wait,” Alaric squints, “so you’re a witch hunter and you’ve been working with Luke?”

“Well–” I come short of words, knowing at this point that any further conversation might lead me to reveal too much about my clan to other people. I mean, it was okay with Luke because I trust him, but Josette and her current boyfriend? I don’t know them. Next thing I know, they could tell the whole supernatural gang and that would become a problem. “Look,” I only say, “I’m not gonna go over why me blowing my cover is a major problem but I seriously need you guys to keep this to yourselves. First, because if any other Lightbringers find out that you know, they might very well take you out before asking. Even Liv can’t know, okay? As far as she’s concerned, I’m some sort of a supernatural freak; that’s it. Second, we have a more pressing issue to figure out; mainly, where are we going to hide you until the younger twins merge?”

“I’m not going to hide,” she objects.

“Yes, you are.”

“Yeah, I agree with her on that,” Rick mutters.

“Look, I’ve kept running from my past for eighteen years. I’m not running anymore.”

“Terrible decision,” I argue.

“But it’s my decision; and you are going to respect it. Kai can’t complete the merge with just me and the knife anyway. I have to willfully take my magic back from it, and that’s not gonna happen. So, I’ll be going to work tomorrow and that’s the end of it.”

            She gives us a look charged with authority and leaves the room. Alaric and I watch her before sharing a lost glance, the same question bouncing back in each other’s eyes: what do we do now?

 

*******

 

            I pace up and down the floor, sighing with impatience and Alaric only looks up at me from time to time.

“You need to chill,” he tells me, looking back at the screen. “He’s not gonna get to her.”

“Really?” I shoot a look at my laptop he’s working on; he’s been monitoring Kai’s whereabouts for a couple hours and the witch hasn’t been coming anywhere near the hospital. Yet.

We’ve both been sitting in this waiting room all morning, anxiously waiting for Jo’s shift to end. I can’t believe I still haven’t kidnapped her to hide her somewhere safe until the Gemini psycho shows up and I can kill him once and for all. I mean, it _would_ lead to a diplomatic incident, especially since the Gemini leader knows about us; the secret of our existence could be threatened if he doesn’t like how I handle things with his daughter. But the bigger threat would be dealt with. I shake my head. I can’t intervene more than I already have. That Josette and Alaric know about me doesn’t sit well with me. It only adds one more secret to the pile.

Alice wouldn’t pick up the phone last night, and it was my dad who told me she and Jared were on a difficult mission over the Canadian border. He got her the message that Kai Parker was out of his prison world and she called me back this morning, saying there is nothing she can do to help me: if she sends someone over, our clan will find out that my dad didn’t kill his witch when he should have; they’ll find out about his secret alliance with Joshua Parker and that she and Jared and I kept it a secret when he told us. Worse: they’ll all find out I have been working the same kind of alliance with Luke. That’ll be court martial. And Alice will be so mad at me for making the same ‘mistake’ as dad.

I can already picture formal summons raining down on us, the elders questioning Alice’s ability to lead, as well and her first two lieutenants. Our current missions are too important for us to give in to a political fight. Even Alice, who usually chooses to side with the elders on all kind of matters, can see that. We’re on our own. _I_ am on my own.

“Jo’s my girlfriend,” Alaric answers, snapping me back to reality, “I’m the one who should be concerned.”

            He gives me a reassuring half-smile and I get the feeling that he actually is concerned; he’s just used to keeping it hidden so the others won’t panic.

“Well, she’s my witch,” I retort, and he smirks at that. “They all are. I sorta participated in getting us in this mess so I’m gonna fix it.”

“Hey, how did you get that tracker on him?” he suddenly asks and I know he’s purposefully changing the subject.

I come sit next to him and shrug. “I charmed him into lending me his phone.”

“Was that before or after that badass fight when you easily took on both Salvatores and Tyler?”

“Badass fight?” I arch an eyebrow.

“Enzo was formal.”

“Have you been talking to them? About me?”

“Relax. As far as they know, you’re a supernatural being they shouldn’t piss. Damon wants you dead, but it’s more about his wounded ego than real hatred.”

“I feel better already.” He chuckles and I sigh. We keep silent for a moment and I hesitate going for another coffee when he starts.

“Wait, that’s him.” I lean in and intently watch my computer screen. Kai’s tracker indicates he’s getting closer. Here goes the fun.

“I’ll go get Jo,” I say as I get up, while Rick stays behind to sort my laptop in the backpack.

It doesn’t take long for me to find her, I’ve been watching her all morning and I know which room she entered last. I’m about to talk to her when the elevator opens and a bunch of stretchers and staff members pour out, already sharing information about a car crash in a total mess.

“Jo, we need to go.”

“Go if you want, I’m taking care of this.” She’s already over her patient’s bed, taking her pulse and shouting orders to her staff. Apparently, there’s more incoming.

“Jo, this is serious. Kai is probably already here.”

“Then how about you do your job and let me do mine.” We stare and I feel torn between slapping her and clapping with admiration. I nod and leave the room, meeting Rick on my way to the elevator.

“Where are you going?”

“Ground floor; from the lobby I can watch the elevators and the stairs. You stay here and call me if you see _anything_ weird.”

            He nods and I leave. I go stand at the center of the lobby, every sense on alert. My eyes go from doctor to patient, watching out for a witch Light that I know. I’ll have to be quick when I see him, since he’s understood pretty fast that I’m immune to internal magic but not to pieces of furniture flying my way; I’ll probably have to use my supernatural speed to get to him. I wince at the thought; I need to remain discreet.  

            I watch for minutes and minutes, checking up my phone from time to time. No news from Rick but at some point, I realize Kai’s tracker and Jo’s both have left the hospital. _Damn it_.

 

*****

 

            By the time I get to Mystic Falls’ cemetery, I can hear Alaric and Damon shouting about keeping Kai alive. When his location settled at the same spot as Luke’s, Liv’s and Jo’s, I panicked and called Rick right away. He and Damon made it before me and the former called to say everything was fine: Jo got her magic back and seems to think that she can _win_ the merge against her twin; she only needs time to get stronger. I immediately frowned at that because it’s a terrible idea, but Alaric – and surprisingly, the twins – agreed to this. My professor has been keeping the evil witch chained to a rock on the anti-magic side of the border, so he can’t get free and so Damon can’t get his hands on him.

“…We are keeping him alive, Damon.”

“Can I ask why we continuously compromise logic for some girl you just met?” I can’t help agreeing with the vampire as I get closer to them. “…Bonnie’s stuck over there because of him. She’s over there and I’m over here, and I hate it.”

“Killing him will only make _you_ feel better. So why don’t we just stop pretending this is about anyone but _you_?” The Salvatore brother angrily throws a stone at Rick’s car, piercing a tire.

“You should probably change that tire.”

“Damon is right.” They both snap their heads toward me and the vampire winces.

“That’s my date,” the witch happily calls from behind the headstone he is chained to. “Did you come here so I could finish the job?” I just stare and Rick tells him to shut up.

“I’m pretty sure I owe _you_ a painful death,” Damon tells me. “Though I’m glad you agree with me on car advice.” He uses vampire speed to come stand in front of me and I arch my brow.

“Really,” I say. “You want another go at it? Or can we just call it a day and take care of that evil witch?”

He cocks his head and faces Rick. “Never mind what I just said. I’m siding with her on that.” His friend comes to stand between us and the Gemini psychopath, looking determined.

“Jo thinks she can win this; we’re doing it her way.”

“Did he stop talking?” Damon mutters, looking at the witch. “He never stops talking.” We don’t pay attention as I roll my eyes.

“Rick, you’re nice; I don’t want to kick your ass, but do you really think you can take me?” He’s right here, we can end it now.

“Maybe not, but I know a couple secrets about you that’ll keep you from… going astray, is that the formula?” I squint with anger at the threat and march towards the witch.

“Hold him back, Damon. It won’t take long.” I brace myself and make for the Gemini, realizing I crossed the town’s border when a vivid pain strikes in my sternum. I gasp at the air leaving my lungs but I keep going. It’ll take less than a minute; I can kill a person in a minute, even though I’m holding my breath. I barely hear Alaric’s voice calling after me, for Damon just crossed the border as well, grabbed him and went back. The vampire is now holding his human friend so I can kill the witch. Let’s get this over with.

            I walk around the headstone and he’s here, softly smiling while taking me in.

“Hi,” he says, as if we were still at the bar and not about to fight over his life.

My hands shake as I take out a knife and push myself forward. My strengths are abandoning me and my vision is getting blurry. For a second there, I think I won’t be able to do it but I can’t afford to think like that; I must do this. I’m so close. “You _are_ driven,” he admits, “but you’re also kinda late.”

            I frown and notice his chains have melted. Magic? How? The Traveler’s spell doesn’t allow any magic here. There is a beat of incomprehension before he gets up and swiftly places his hands flat on my stomach. I feel the detonation before I even hear it, and I find myself magically propelled against a tree. Fortunately, I land over the town’s border, which means I’m gonna be able to breathe at some point. Unfortunately, my back hits that tree so hard that I feel like I might die of asphyxia. I fall to the ground and fight against the darkness to keep conscious.

I hear Damon’s distant voice but barely understand his words, “You little magic sucker. You sucked up all that magic from the Travelers’ spell.”

Around me, everything is a windy blur and I can only imagine the fight that is going on. I finally give in to the pain and it all goes dark.


	14. Chapter 14

Fourteen

 

            The door opens and I walk passed Damon into the boarding house.

“By all means,” he says, “do come in.”

He frowns when Luke follows behind me and we both stop on top of the couple steps that lead to the living room. The younger Parker and I talked last night, and he explained to me the deal Kai offered Tyler when he got to town: if they agreed to locate and bring him the knife loaded with Jo’s magic, he would do the merge with her, as it all was supposed to be in the first place, and then Lucas and Olivia wouldn’t have to do it; they could live.  

Luke was actually against it, at first, but Liv and Tyler talked him into this and he reluctantly agreed, knowing this was his only chance at saving his twin. He seems to be more lucid about the outcome of a Jo slash Kai merge now, and since he knows damn well that the first thing his brother would do as a leader would be to kill the entire coven for revenge – or fun –, he’s probably changed his mind about it, but I prefer to let him cool before asking.

Jo, Rick, and Liv are also there. The room is messy; broken vases and lamps are scattered all over the floor. We both take in the scene and Luke asks, “What is this?”

Jo and Liv share a glance but don’t utter a word, so Rick is the one to stand up and explain, “Liv has been training Jo for the merge.” Luke snorts with despair and shoots an angry look at his twin sister. I keep from doing the same but I agree with him: it’s a lost battle.

“What about you?” Jo asks with caution. “What are you two doing here?”

“Exactly my question,” I say, turning to Damon.

“Long story short: our little magic sucker kidnapped my girlfriend in order to practice spells on her.”

“What? No,” I object, “Kai has been spending most part of the night at the high school.”

“So you knew where they were and you didn’t go get her?” he snaps at me.

“I’m sorry, am I supposed to _know_ he took Elena? I’m not here to track vampires’ every moves, Damon.”

“What are you here for, then?”

“She’s here for us.” We turn our heads to Liv, realizing we’ve been stepping closer to each other, readying for a fight. I also notice how Luke stepped closer to me, ready to defend me, and I’m pretty sure that sends a clear message to them all: _we’re da team_.

“What are you talking about, little witch?”

“She’s a witch hunter,” Liv adds, glaring at me. “She’s a witch hunter who’s been posing as my friend for over a year.” The blow lands. Here we go.

“Liv–” Lucas tries but she cuts him off.

“You know what, I spent _hours_ wondering how you could do this to me. Work together with a witch hunter behind my back… I mean, what did you have in mind?”

“We were trying to protect you–” he tries, but this time Damon cuts him off.

“Protect her? In what kind of a world does a witch hunter protect witches?” Lucas and I share a glance while Jo and Rick look to the ground. “I feel like I’m missing something,” Damon continues, “and that really annoys me.”

“Andy didn’t pick up a knife one day and decided she would go around killing witches, isn’t that right, Andy?” Liv says and I cock my head with suspicion. “She’s a specific kind of witch hunter, with a code, just like Jeremy is a specific kind of vampire hunter. She’s a Lightbringer.”

“Liv,” her twin warns.

“How do you know that?”

“I had a little chat with my dad over the phone this morning. Turns out he wasn’t really surprised to hear you were here–”

“You what?” I breathe.

“Wait. What is a Lightbringer?” Damon asks.

“…He kept telling me to not mind you and be a good witch, like that would matter anyway.”

“You told your _dad_ about me? Are you insane?” I snap.

“Liv, why would you do that?” Lucas adds.

“We’re so screwed,” I whisper, running my hands in my hair. “We’re so damn screwed.”

“Maybe not.” Luke turns to me. “He’s not necessarily gonna tell _her_. Maybe he’s gonna tell your dad first; maybe he’s not gonna tell anyone and trust that you’ll do the job.”

“Just think about it, Luke: if she told him the entire story, he knows that I’ve started _interfering_ all over the place. How can you think he’s gonna trust me?”

“Am I the only one who’s trying to follow this conversation but miserably failing?” Damon asks with irritation. “What’s up with papa Gemini?”

“If Liv told him she feels threatened by me presence, he’s gonna be telling _my_ leader. And she’s very likely to come down to town with a team of her own, kill everybody, and _then_ ask what happened.”

“Great. So we must keep your leader from finding out,” Damon decides, tossing his phone at Liv. “Blondie calls her dad and tells him she made up with her friend while we go fetch Elena. Then we let _you_ do your fighting thing on that little weasel and we’re all good–”

“Damon,” Alaric warns, still clinging to Jo’s merge.

“…Everybody will be safe and happy, and Crazy-powerful-hunter-leader never needs to know.”

            Silence stretches as we all share doubtful glances. Then my phone starts ringing, as if to prove my point, and I hold it up for Luke to see: Alice is calling.

“Don’t answer it,” he says.

“She’s gonna keep calling until I answer,” I counter. “And if I don’t answer at all, she’s gonna get here anyway.”

“Then answer it,” he says, “just don’t tell her what’s going on.”

“You want me to _lie_ to my leader.”

“We’ve already been lying to our leaders; this time we’re just being upfront about it.”

“Yeah, so she can brand me a traitor to my clan? No thanks.”

“Please, Andy,” Lucas insists, walking toward me. “We’re gonna fix this, okay? We just need time but trust me, we’re gonna fix this.”

            We stare at each other for a couple ringtones and I sense myself flinching. Our entire vision for a better future rests on our secret. If I tell Alice now, she’ll have me removed from this mission and there won’t be anything left for me to do. Not only will I be a traitor, but a failure as well. My eyes go to the ring that is back on his finger, and I pick up the phone, answering cautiously, “Alice?”

“Andy, where are you? Are you somewhere safe?”

“Yeah, I’m safe. What’s up?”

“I have no idea; Dad got a phone call from the Gemini leader…” I close my eyes in relief and silently exhale. She doesn’t know yet. “…He’s been locked up in his study for over an hour now, I’m wondering whether I shouldn’t be telling the elders about their deal–”

“Wait,” I jump in, and everybody is watching me. “Why would you go tell the elders about something he did years ago?”

“Because they feel like something’s up. Didn’t your witches stir?”

“Well, Kai Parker _is_ out of prison and the whole Mystic gang is after him.”

“Now that he’s out, the elders are _bound_ to find out about dad’s deal with Joshua Parker. They’re bound to find out he didn’t kill his son eighteen years ago–”

“They don’t need to find out, okay? When my witches find him, they’re gonna either take him out or send him right back to his prison world. And I’ll be there in case they can’t finish the job.”  

“Okay, good.” She exhales deeply. “Jar is still away and I keep getting these calls from Lorraine… I’m seriously starting to question whom I can trust with this one.”

“Don’t worry,” I say, hating that I have to lie to her right now, “they sound like they have a solid plan.”

“Okay, good,” she repeats. “Look, Andy… I know you’re not supposed to intervene, but if you get a chance to take him out, you take it. Green light on that.”

“Copy that.”

“Okay, I can’t hear dad’s voice anymore; he must be done with his call. I’ll keep you posted.” I open my mouth but she’s already hang up on me. I hold my breath while I text my dad as fast I as can – _Luke is my Josh. Alice can’t know._ I wait for what seems to be an eternity in utter silence and finally get an answer from him – _Got it._

            I let out a breath and look up to Lucas. We nod to each other and Damon claps his hands.

“Great! Now that we’ve figured out the part about lying to our scary-sister-leader, how about we go save my girlfriend?”

 

*****

 

            I roll my eyes and look back at Lucas. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, I told him. Right ahead, and then I hung up the phone.”

“I mean– about _not_ doing the merge. What the hell, Luke?”

“I know, but hey, don’t worry; Jo can do this. Liv is one hell of a teacher.”

“Do I look like I care? I’ve seen her do magic, Lucas; and I’ve seen _him_. It didn’t take me half a second to realize she’s not strong enough to beat him; you know it, I know it, even your dad knows it. You guys _have_ to do the merge–”

“Look, I thought I could stand to watch my twin die and call it my duty towards my family but I can’t, okay? About a week from now, we’ll turn twenty-two and it scares the crap out of me to think that I’m gonna lose her at the first celestial event that comes up.”

            I purse my lips and say nothing, a lump forming in my throat. An annoying part of my heart agrees with him. And I know, I _know_ , it’s completely irrational, because if we let Jo merge with her twin, she’s bound to lose, and even more people will die when Kai comes for revenge over his coven. Luke and Liv _have_ to do the merge. It’s the only way. And yet–

“Look, I know this is risky, okay? I _know_. I would never have thought about refusing the merge until now but he’s out, Andy. He’s out. He can do the merge so Liv and I get to live our lives. We get to live and be good witches, and… fifty years from now, our grandkids will be signing official alliances with Lightbringers and we’ll all be working together. Can’t you see what I see?”  

            His eyes are full of tears and I want to believe him; I’m desperate to believe in this vision that we share; the one that our dads used to share. And I’d rather have Liv by our sides when we fulfill it.

“What if she can’t beat him?”

“Then you, and me, and Liv, and all of our friends, will go after him and kill him. I promise.”

            Arms folded, I can’t help but frown at my friend. We’re still standing in front of the high school’s main entrance; I was about to go in when he stopped me. Now he’s letting me go, only he wants me to promise I won’t kill his brother. “Please, Andy. Just give us this one chance.”

“I’m sorry, Lucas. I really am, but I can’t promise you that.”

            He watches me go in and I inhale, trying to leave everything behind me and focus on my current mission. I’m here to help Damon and Jo save Elena; I’m here to protect my newfound witch, and _if_ I run into the psychotic one, _if_ I am given the opportunity, I’ll take him out. But, against my better judgement, I find myself rather okay with letting him go today if it means Liv has a chance to survive her birthday.


	15. Chapter 15

Fifteen

 

“Jo, run!” I shout, lunging for her brother.

            Jo is pale as a ghost and blood has been pouring from her nose. The cloaking spell she pulled off in order for her and Damon to come in and rescue Elena has taken quite the toll on her. She’s not strong enough.

            Kai gives me a wide smile as he blocks two of my punches in a row, holding on to my wrists with more strengths than I expected.

“That spell is called a Mirror Forces spell. Which means whatever strengths you fight me with…” he spreads my arms open so he can kick me in the chest and, as I am projected several feet away, my head and my back hit the floor, causing me to stop breathing for an instant, “…I fight you back with the exact same strengths.”

            He comes looming over me, grabbing a wooden broom and breaking it up with his knee.

“Now I told you,” he says, kneeling down above me, “that I would kill you if you were to stand in my way again.” His mild voice, no more bothered than if we were having a pleasant talk, adds even more tension to my body. Because even though my brain tries to rationalize it and tell me it’s just one more ill-intentioned witch to take out, my flesh and bones know that this heartless, angel-shaped predator is a real danger.

            I try to sit up but he places his hand on my forehead and carelessly shoves it until my skull hits the floor with an alarming crack. Pain blurs my vision and I can’t make a move, or even draw a breath. When I start coming back to my senses, he is holding me down with his hand around my throat, his rings pressing into my skin, while his other hand is holding the wooden stick right above my heart. “Too bad,” he says, faking a sad smile, “I definitely liked your death-angel vibe.”

            In a last attempt at survival, I use all the supernatural speed and strength I have left to roll us over and– Pain. Everything goes dark.

 

            When I regain consciousness, I am lying on the Salvatores’ couch. Luke is sitting next to me, concern written all over his face, and Liv is standing a few feet behind him, arms folded. Tyler is also standing next to her.

“What happened?” I ask as I reach a hand to my head with a difficult wince. This room needs to stop spinning.

“Craziest thing, actually,” Luke says in a very uneasy voice. “Did I ever tell you of that one time when I showed up to help while you were about to die at the hands of my evil brother and… right when I was about to hit his head with a baseball bat, you used your supernatural powers to trade places and got the hit?”

“You hit me?”

“Not on purpose. I was trying to help.”

            From the corner of my eye, I can see Liv smirk and I roll my eyes, before wincing with pain – even _that_ hurts.

“You did get us worried, though,” Tyler says, glancing at Liv. “You were actually losing a lot of blood and vampire blood didn’t seem to act on you.”

“No, I heal on my own.”

“We noticed,” Lucas smiles. “But it took some time; we _did_ worry.” I smile back at him, taking the time for the news to sink in that I am fine; we all are. Then I frown.

“Where is he?” I ask, suddenly sitting up.

“It’s alright,” Luke stops me. “We’ve got him. Alaric and Jeremy showed up in time. They stopped him, drugged him and now he’s catatonic in Jo’s living room.”

            I arch my brow and sit up anyway.

“Take me there.”

***********

 

_**McKinley, Virginia – January 2013** _

 

“So, our dad is coming over tomorrow,” Liv says and I look up. “He’s gonna be spending our birthday with us and I was thinking… would you like to join for dinner?”

            I can see in her uneasiness that she is not entirely comfortable with that idea but she is trying to move passed all the secrets Luke and I have been keeping from her for over a semester, I have to give her that.

“I would love to, you know,” I say sincerely, “I would love to meet your dad and hear a couple anecdotes about your childhood; even discuss future coven slash clan alliances but… given the circumstances, I think it’s best that I stay clear for this one.” Liv frowns and Lucas comes in, hanging his clean suit for tomorrow over the wardrobe. “You guys are gonna be trying to talk your dad into letting Jo and Kai do the merge; I’m afraid that if he starts asking my non-so-objective-opinion about this, I’m gonna have a hard time lying to his face. And you guys can’t have that so, I’m gonna step back and watch you do your coven business all by yourselves.”

            A sad smile stretches her lips as she nods.

“So, do you guys have any plans for tonight?” Luke asks.

“I’m going to Tyler’s,” Liv announces, grabbing some fresh clothes in her drawer chest. “You?”

“I don’t know yet, I was thinking of getting a drink at the _Scull_ ; celebrate.” He shrugs.

“An early birthday party?” I ask. “I love that. You know what? I’m joining you. I’ll just text Steven and tell him it’s a rain check for tomorrow.”

“Great; what time can I get you?”

            I look down at my watch and count. “At least not before seven. I’m on Kai-watching duty until six thirty.”

“Isn’t it weird for you to be watching my brother in his catatonic sleep?” Liv scoff as she zips her bag closed. We leave the room, following her as she prepares her purse.

“Not really,” I shrug. “He’s actually easier to babysit than a whole bunch of witches I’m not gonna name.”

“Very funny,” she smirks. “I was more thinking about that crush you had on him. I hope you haven’t been doing weird things while he’s in an induced coma; ‘cause that would be gross. And creepy.”

“Ewe, no thanks,” I wince with disgust, “I’m not into necrophilia.”

            Liv winces as well, admitting that this joke was too gross anyway, and Luke twitches. “What crush, what are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” I roll my eyes, “it’s just an inside joke between me and Liv.” She snorts and he squints, as if he were remembering something.

“That day, when you texted me about my ‘fellow covensman’ being in town, you _did_ call him ‘hot’.”

“Did I?” I wince, trying to sound authentic.

“And you _did_ ask whether he was single.”

“Huh. I don’t remember that.”

Liv laughs and nudges me. “ _Please_ , when I got there for my shift, you guys were hitting it off.” Arms folded, Luke rises his brow, apparently finding all this very interesting.

“Really?”

“Yep, they’d already even agreed to meet at the pre-Christmas party, and we all know how this would have ended…” she trails off while putting on her coat and we all wince.

“Alright; terrible call,” I admit, “I’m usually way better at judging people’s characters.”

“How come I never knew about this?”

“Let me see… I think you were hiding a major prison breakout from me.”

“Low.” 

“ _Anyway_ ,” I say, grabbing my furred jacket, “psychotic killers enter the non-datable category, easily. So no, it is not weird that I take shifts at Jo’s to watch him and no, I am not starting to change my mind or whatever just because he’s cute.”

“Careful, you’re drooling,” Liv mocks and I give her a weary look. Luke tries to contain a laugh while I check my phone: Kai’s tracker still indicates that he’s at Jo’s, like he’s been for the past few days. I start breathing again and we head out.

“All I’m saying is,” Liv continues while locking the door, “you’re always over there, watching him, or on that stupid app, watching his tracker. Don’t you think you’re obsessing a little bit?”

“I’m _monitoring_ my witch, Liv; which basically consists in doing just that. Besides, he’s exactly the kind of person I should be taking out of the picture and I think about it _all the time_ ; it’s my nature. So maybe I _am_ obsessing a little bit, but we do have a lunatic serial killer napping in your sister’s living room. Am I the only one to see the problem with that?”

            By the time I am done, Lucas and Olivia are both staring at me and I can see he agrees with me. However, always the quicker to react, Liv smirks and says to her brother, “Did you notice the way she said ‘my’ witch?”

“Yep,” Lucas chooses to go along, “definitely creepy.”

            I sigh and leave the building, the both of them bursting out in laughter as they follow. I’m never gonna hear the end of this.

 

*******

 

            The lights are down, the music is low and we have completely forgotten our meal by now. Steven lies me down on his couch and smiles at me while pressing kisses all the way down my neck, his hands wandering under my sweater. I let him go on until I grab him by his neck for a kiss. Our bodies move along and we take our time to kiss and caress, enjoying this slow, delectable dance.

“Condoms are in my room,” he murmurs against my lips.

“Let’s go,” I smile suggestively and he plants a kiss on my lips before getting back up and offering me his hand. I take it and kiss him one more time before I head to his bedroom. I remember to grab my phone on the way and give it a distracted glance– and freeze. Seven missed calls and three voicemails. Most of them from Liv, others from Damon and from Jo. My inner alarm goes off and I frown, already knowing what my app is going to tell me: Kai isn’t at Jo’s anymore. He’s up.

            I barely mutter an excuse toward Steven and run outside for my car. I struggle with my jacket while listening to Damon’s voicemail. I text him right away, sending him Kai’s current position, and drive above speed limitation to get back to campus as fast as I can. His tracker indicates he recently was with Jo and Luke, and I really hope they won’t do anything stupid until I join them; like going after him.

            As I drive passed Jo’s, I suddenly brake and Alaric looks up in the dark. He obviously just got out of his car and was heading home.

“Andy?” He asks, squinting because of my car’s lights. “What are you–”

“Haven’t you heard the news?”

“I– I was outta town today; my phone died on the way home…” He trails off, probably figuring out why I look so tense and hasty. “Andy…”

“Kai is out. Get in.”

            He grabs his hunting bag in the trunk of his car and we leave at once. As my co-pilot, he’s the one giving me directions, following the tracker’s indications on my phone.

“Wait, Damon let him out?” he asks in disbelief.

“Apparently, Caroline used her vampire blood to cure her mom’s cancer,” I tell him, reciting Damon’s voicemail as I drive, “turns out it was the worst thing to do, so Damon woke him and made a deal with him: he siphons all the magic of that vampire blood out of her system and he gets to merge with Jo. Tonight.”

“Damn… Freaking Damon; you forgive him for one thing and he screws you all over again– take a right and go all the way to the upper quad; he’s there.”

            We turn up full speed around the lower quad and drive through.

“You ready?” I ask as I brake suddenly, not bothering to park properly.

“I’ve been itching to kill this guy for quite some time now,” he nods, “you bet, I’m ready.”

            We silently go around the last housing building, following the tracker that seems to be moving away from campus rather than towards it. I frown and we step into the forest, attentive to any noise that could sell him. We finally hear light footsteps coming our way from the left and I nod to Rick as it seems to match with the tracker. We move around so as to fall into steps behind him and I immediately recognize his Light and his tall figure. Kai is walking away from us like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

            Without warning, Rick fires with his crossbow and the figure stumbles. He turns around immediately, already magically propelling Rick against a tree and I use the distraction to lunge into a fight with him. He seems surprised at first and it looks like I’m getting the upper hand in this; until he pulls off his mirror forces spell and sends me to the dirt with a kick in the stomach.

            I rise back up and he chuckles, “Well, well, if it isn’t my own personal death angel, weirdly assorted with my sister’s sweetheart. I mean, am I supposed to get jealous?”

            I don’t waste time over his rambling and go back at him. I can sense anger boiling inside me as I put my every effort in each punch and kick and parade, and he looks like he’s torn between boredom and being sorry for me. I finally resort to cool down and use my brains: he’s only strong and fast because I’m being strong and fast. I need to stop tapping into my supernatural surplus so he won’t have access to it either. I’m the better fighter anyway, I just need to wait for the right moment.

            We battle for another minute and seeing how much fun he’s having right now really makes me want to break his knees. I wish I’d gone along with this urge the first time I felt it; it would have saved me a lot of time, trouble and lies.  I can hear Rick groan with pain as he tries to get back up and I know my opponent can hear him too. I use the distraction as momentum and block my strengths. I then jump high for a kick in the chest and he barely moves, excepting to be blocking it easily; except he’s wrong.

            I watch him hit the ground on his back, and as he tries to get back up, I lunge and throw an impressive punch in his face. He falls back to the ground and I take out my fighting knife as I kneel down above him, holding him tight by his throat and placing the end of the knife right above his heart. Maybe I do hold a grudge.

When he feels the knife, he stops debating and smiles like he’s happy to see me. Freaking lunatic. We only stare, him with playful interest, me with cold anger, and we don’t even look up when Alaric joins us, pointing his crossbow at him.

“You got him,” he says, still panting. “Good.”

“Don’t you feel a little useless, _Rick_ , watching her do the whole job for you?” Kai asks and I press the knife deeper in his jacket, momentarily unsettled by how his dimples look like Liv’s. Her brother–

“No, I don’t,” Alaric answers in blunt honesty.

            Kai’s attention is already back on me. “Careful, here; I really like this new jacket. Don’t you think I look good in it?”

“Do I look like I care?” I deadpan, my grip tightening on his throat.

“Wow,” he chuckles, “I really don’t know whether I should kill you or marry you.”

“How about option three? _I_ kill you.”

            He grins and I lift the knife for run-up when he says, “Oh, but you’d be killing Liv as well. And Jo.” I hold my move and squint at him. He looks like an innocent child who just told a good joke. “I take it that you two haven’t heard the news,” he continues happily, “I won the merge! Yay!”

            I share a glance with Rick before looking back at him, putting the knife to his throat. He doesn’t even twitch.

“Andy, wait–”

“He’s lying.”

“Am I?”

            I stare in his confident eyes and all I can see is power and playfulness. I can’t even tell whether he’s bluffing. He’s gotta be, though. He has to.

“He just said that killing him would _result_ in killing Jo, which would have happened already if it weren’t just an empty threat,” I tell Rick, not letting the with out of my sight. “He’s lying.”

“I’m not, actually, though it was good reasoning. I just so happen to have merged with another one of my siblings. How’s that for a plot twist?”

“That’s not possible,” I grit between my teeth.

“ _Right_? I mean, I thought so too,” he says with an honest smile, “and then my brother Luke showed up and I won.”

.


	16. Chapter 16

Sixteen

 

“What.”

            My voice is barely a whisper as my face falls. My brain shuts down, playing his last words over and over again. Luke. Did he say _Luke_?

The Gemini witch grins at me. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you like Lucas? ‘Cause… I didn’t; he was always so serious and–”

“Shut up,” I cut him off, pressing the knife a bit deeper against his throat. “Shut. up.”

A frightful silence stretches as the news sinks in, the way he used past tense when talking about him makes it too final. It can’t be right, though; he’s lying. “Rick, call Jo. See if she’s okay and get me Luke over the phone.”  

            Rick obeys at once while I don’t leave Kai out of my sight. The witch only moves a bit in order to get more comfortable under my body with a suggestive smile. We don’t speak but he watches my reaction intently: my chest is rising faster now, as I try to keep unwanted tears from clouding my view. His Light _has_ changed, though I can’t see any of Luke’s in it. It’s not possible.

From behind me, I can hear Alaric’s low voice over the phone but I can’t make out the words. My hands start shaking at the thought but I push it away. It can’t be happening; not to Luke.

“Wait, did you have a _thing_ for my brother?” the witch asks with an exaggerated frown. “Cause, I think he was gay, you know– Oh, wait, is that why you asked whether I was gay when we met? Because you couldn’t handle one more disappointment?”

“Shut. the hell. up.”

            He fakes a pity face and I really want to silence him right now, mostly by killing him, but if there is any truth to what he said… No, it can’t be true. Alaric is going to confirm that any second now and it’ll be my green light for killing him. So I keep silent as I wait, and wait, and wait. Until I sense Rick’s weary hand on my shoulder and I want to scream with despair.

“It’s no use, Andy. He’s telling the truth.” And just like that, the world collapses.

“See?” Kai shouts, sounding a lot like a child saying ‘I told you so.’

“No…”  

“Andy–”

“Not him.” I try to think of something; fast, but all that comes to my mind is Luke’s laughter and his smile. I saw that smile this morning, right before he went to meet with his dad. He was right there.

“You can’t kill him, Andy,” Alaric tells me in a low, sad voice that I hate. “He won the merge; he’s the Gemini leader now. The power and lives of his whole coven are linked to him; if you kill him, you also kill Jo and Liv, and… dozens of other people; _good_ witches, Andy.”

            I close my eyes and the first tears roll down my cheeks. We’re too late. _I’m_ too late. Because I was busy having fun with some guy and now my friend is dead. Luke–

            I let out a scream of rage that turns into a sob as I stab the knife into the grass, right next to Kai’s head. I’m too late.

“Not him.”  

I bury my face in my hands and Rick’s squeezes my shoulder, murmuring that he’s sorry, but I want to scream again, yell that I don’t care about sorry; I want a solution to this. I want a plan, I want someone to tell me that we’re gonna fix this.

A ringed hand brushes my thigh and I jerk up, meeting a blue gaze.  

“While this is _extremely_ entertaining, and though I _love_ that you’re straddling me right now, I actually have somewhere to go; coven-leader things to do, so…”  

            He trails off and winces like he hates to interrupt our meaningless little chat but he’s gotta keep going. I glare at him while I rise to my feet, and as he starts getting back up as well, I use all the human strength that I have in the punch I throw in his face. Rick starts when Kai’s face violently hits the ground. I hear him chuckle as I step away and I need all of my self-control not to go back and gut this guy. It starts raining and I run a hand through my hair, wanting nothing more than to be with my friend right now.

 

*****

 

            “Hey,” Stefan says quietly and they all look up. The corridor is filled with sad-faced vampires and I hate it. I march on for the room, Alaric in my trail, and Stefan gently grabs my arm. I lift my eyes full of tears to him and he asks, “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

            I stare, waiting for him to let go and he nods.

“Liv is on her way; Tyler’s driving her. Damon’s downstairs with Jo.”

            Alaric nods and squeezes my shoulder one last time before heading downstairs. Stefan opens the door and I see him, lying on a bed like he’s sleeping. The first thing that strikes me is this absence of Light. More tears fall down my cheeks as I walk up to him. I reach a hand to his forehead and feel his skin; so much colder than usual.

“Luke,” I call under my breath, as if there were a chance of getting him back simply by asking him to. “Don’t go. Please, I– I need you. I can’t be a team without you.” He’s still wearing that suit he chose for his lunch with his dad. That was today. Today was his birthday. I lower my face, closing my eyes so maybe it’ll be all gone when I open them again, and can’t stop my sobs as I clench his wrist, his arm. He can’t be dead. He’s supposed to live; we’re supposed to make the world a better place.

            I don’t know how long I stay in that room, crying over the corpse of my best friend. I completely lose track of time until the door opens again and Liv slips in, holding tight on Tyler’s hand. Her eyes are all read and puffy and her makeup is all smudged. She barely notices me as she walks up to her brother and buries her face in his chest. Listening to her cries is torture; it only makes it more real. I place my hand on his, settle a gentle kiss on his forehead and leave the room. I walk passed Stefan, Elena and Caroline. They share a glance but they don’t go after me.

 

*****

 

            The ringtones resonate in my ear, slow, endless. Apart from my occasional sniffs, it’s the only sound breaking the overwhelming silence that has settled in my bedroom. When he picks up, his voice sounds sleepy but I barely notice, feeling like my chest is going to explode.

“Dad,” I say before crying uncontrollably. Alarmed by my call, my dad is already inquiring about what happened. Am I hurt? Am I somewhere safe? Can I text him my location so he’ll catch the next plane? For a moment, I can’t even answer his questions properly; everything is a blur in my mind, all I can think about is that this is real. I’m fine, we all are, but not Luke. He’s not even hurt or in a bad position; he’s dead. It’s over.

“He’s gone,” I weep. “Luke lost the merge, he’s gone.”

            Over the phone, a silence meets my words. I didn’t really think about why I was calling my dad first, it is kind of a reflex that when the scared little girl in me is lost, she calls her parents for reassurance and support. But now that he is observing this respectful, painful silence, I remember that not only does he know what losing a Gemini merge implies, but he also knows what being friends with a witch means for someone like us. No one else in our clan, in our family, could ever understand that in addition to losing another one of my witches, I have lost my closest friend; my ally against all.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says with so much tenderness that it warms and breaks my heart at the same time.

            He and I never really got to talk about what I asked him to keep from Alice because somehow, we didn’t need to. The mere fact that I compared Luke to what Joshua was to him was enough; there was this understanding that our illicit friendships must remain secret because frowned upon. Our situations are so similar, and yet drastically different: from the two twins he was monitoring, he got close to the stronger one, and so did I, in a way. But his friend survived and mine didn’t. What am I supposed to do now?

“Does Josh know?” he gently asks.

“Yeah, I heard Elena say she’d call him; he was on his way to meet Liv.”

He sighs painfully. “I’ll call him tonight. I’ll try to catch a flight for the funeral.”

The very word makes my chest tighten.

“Dad,” I cry again.

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry. Do you want me to talk to your sister?”

            I shake my head before saying no. If this is going to be my last report about Luke, I need to be the one doing it; I need to be the one saying the words.

“Look, I’ll take care of booking you a flight to come home with me, how does that sound?”

            I shudder with apprehension. I love my dad and I am desperate for a hug right now, but somehow it feels wrong to think about leaving Virginia. It would be too final, too soon; and I am not ready for that, not when something could be done.

“No, I– I think I’m gonna stay here for a while.”

“Andy…” He exhales before cautiously adding, “You’re grieving, baby; you need time to yourself. We’ll send someone over to watch your witches; your sister would understand–”

            Again, a shudder runs through me and things appear clearer than they have all night.

“No, she won’t.” Silence meets my words and I understand he thinks like me. I guess I can’t really blame Alice: I used to _not_ understand when I found out about my dad being illegally friends with a witch and keeping it a secret, until I experienced that as well. If I tell her now what Luke means to me, she won’t understand; worse: she’ll think that despite knowing better after finding out about our dad’s secret, I still went ahead and made the same mistake as him. I can already hear her cold reproaches for endangering the clan, and ordering my coming home. I realize I can’t have that, not just yet.

“I’m gonna need to stay.”

“Honey, you’re not fit to assess your witches right now, and it’s okay–”

“It’s not that,” I weakly cut him off. “I need time to try and bring Luke back.”

“You what?”

“These supernaturals – the group of vampires and witches – they’ve done it before, when they were fighting the Travelers.”

“I’m not following.”

“Liv is a mess, but as soon as she wakes from her daze, she’s gonna be looking for a way to bring him back. If there is any way I can help her with that, I should stay.”

“I’m… not sure meddling with Liv’s spells is such a good idea. I get you’re emotionally involved, I get that, but we’re not supposed to intervene.” I chew on my lip, remembering my secret alliance with Luke: once leader, he wanted to reach out to other covens to try and build a new Other Side and he wanted to transfer my ancestors over there, in exchange for help and protection against evil forces that would ever come after him or his coven. He was going to keep his promise about my family, and I wasn’t even able to protect him at the first threat that came about. What kind of a Lightbringer lamentably fails like that? What kind of a friend does?

            My chin shakes again and I close my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Look, she’s gonna need support anyway. I should stay for a while longer.”

“Are you sure? Cause Alice may be leader but I’m still your dad; I can ground her if she’s being insensitive.”

I can’t help but chuckle at that and I imagine my dad, Lightless and normal, facing my powerful sister, who very much likes being right and obeyed. I shake my head.

“I just need some time to figure things out before coming home.”

“Okay.”

            Silence falls between us and I sigh, rolling Luke’s ring between my fingers. I discreetly took it from his corpse before leaving the hospital; I need to hold on to it until he comes back and helps me set them free.

“You should call your friend Josh,” I say.

“It’s fine, we can stay a while longer.”

“Thanks, but I’m gonna go to bed.” Things might clear up after a good night of sleep. “Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure; I’ll let you know about my flight.”

“Sweet.”

“Good night, baby.”

“Good night.” A silence ensues, heavy and painful, and right before he hangs up, I call, “Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

 

*******

 

            I thought I had shed all the tears my body could produce when my mom died but today we buried my best friend and I couldn’t stop crying. The service was quite discreet and rather short, given that the Gemini coven all flew over and had to use a cloaking spell so Kai wouldn’t find us and show up. The crowd of people in black seemed divided into two groups: Luke’s relatives, who were crying and sobbing while hugging Liv one at a time so she never seemed to be on her own; and Luke’s Virginian supernatural friends, who were silently shedding their tears. And then there was me, sort of in the middle; crying like family but not really counting as one of them. My dad didn’t come after all; he told me in the morning that Joshua had asked him to stay back. Being both very protective of their secret, which would never be well-perceived on either side, he said he didn’t want them to meet so openly in front of his coven. Besides, it would also draw our elders’ unwanted attention to Mystic Falls if my dad were to fly over right after the news of Luke’s death got to the clan. My dad didn’t tell me a lot more but he and his old friend apparently settled to meet in a few days, away from clan and coven, which is good for them, but their decision also left me wandering alone at the funeral.

            After the service, I walked up to Liv and her father, trying to keep my cheeks as dry as I could, while I introduced myself to him.

_“Andrea Moreau,” he repeats, still holding Liv, “Vincent’s younger daughter.”_

_I nod and he looks down at the ground with a sigh. “Your father says you and my son are– were close. I’m glad he had you in his life; I know from experience how this sort of friendship can change everything.”_

_There are a million things I want to say to him but all I can think of right now is that he is doing such a good job at keeping his eyes dry, while I feel like mine are a swimming pool; how does he do that?_

_“We were gonna stick together,” I finally say and I know he recognizes his own determination toward his old friend in my gaze, “I was gonna protect him for the rest of his life.”_

_I try to hold back new tears but I feel like my chest is going to explode. Joshua lifts his hand, as if he were going to place it on my shoulder, but then slowly drops it._

_“I know,” he whispers, looking at something far behind my head, “I know.”_

            I watched him bring his daughter closer to his chest and walk away.

Other people came and talked to me that day but I barely listened. After a moment, it all became too oppressing and I needed more air. I remember grabbing my furred jacket and leaving without saying goodbye.

By the time I was out, I was already trying to elaborate a plan. I remember clenching my fist around Luke’s ring in my jacket pocket, thinking that death was never permanent around here; we’d figure something out. We had to.


	17. Chapter 17

Seventeen

 

_**Mystic Falls, Virginia – February 2013**        _

 

I am about to enter the Salvatore house when Jeremy Gilbert comes up next to me. “Hey,” he says in an awkwardly soft tone, “what are you doing here?”

“Making sure my new witch doesn’t go astray,” I mutter.

            He frowns while taking in my combat outfit and cocks his head. I toss my phone for him to catch and he enters with me after one glance at it. We walk up to the pool table, hearing Damon and Elena talk about some battery loaded with magic that Bonnie could use to escape prisonland, and we pause when seeing him.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Jeremy is the first to ask.

            Kai looks up from what he is doing on the pool table – fixing some clockwork pieces apparently – and gives us a smile. “Hi.”

_Hi_? I raise my brow, folding my arms, as I lean against the wall. No blood, no screams, no fighting; I take it this isn’t a crime scene. Elena slips between the witch and her brother and tries to explain, “He’s helping us, actually.”

“Really,” I say, not buying it.

“He is,” Damon confirms, pouring himself a drink; then another one, “Big bad Gemini leader here is having some issues handling his brand new emotions…” I frown at that and look at Kai; he seems to focus even more on the pieces he’s working on. “…and we agreed that if he helps us send a message to Bonnie today, then we’ll give his apology letter to Jo.”

            Jeremy snorts in disbelief and Damon walks up to me, offering me the second glass. He doesn’t say anything but we share a glance and it’s enough. I really don’t need all the ‘I’m so sorry’ crap right now. I need a solid plan.

“What are you saying, that he stopped being a sociopath?”

“More like he absorbed all of Luke’s empathy and is now trying to live with all the new feelings inside him.”

“People don’t just change like that,” Jeremy objects.

“People don’t usually merge with their siblings either,” Damon counters before taking a sip.

“Uh, for the record,” Kai rises up, “I would have been fine with any of Luke’s qualities, you know...” Elena and I share a blasé glance. “…The hair, the whole gay thing,” he eyes me and tilts his head, “well– maybe not the whole gay thing, actually, nor the height.”

“You seriously buy this,” Jeremy wearily asks his sister.

“Look, I’m not saying that we have to like him; but if there’s a way for us to tell Bonnie how she can get out–” 

“We should trust the guy that changed personalities overnight?” Jeremy finishes for her.

“Think of it like Elena in reverse,” Kai suddenly says.

            Damon and I share a very blasé glance as we have to listen to the witch explain how Elena went from being human and pure and dating the good brother, to turning into an undead, blood-lusting, killing machine that doesn’t care about right or wrong anymore, and started dating the bad guy. Whereas _he_ went from the dark side of the force to the light one. Like _that’s_ comparable. Jeremy stares at him and shakes his head, heading for the console to pour himself a drink as well.

“What about you, Andy?” Damon sort of cautiously asks. “You haven’t said a word.”

            All faces turn to me and I take a sip, still assessing the witch. His smile playfully stretches and I distractedly tap on my glass with my fingers in order not to snap. How does he get to smile or even enjoy a moment of satisfaction while my friend lies six feet underground? I clench my jaw, exhorting myself to calm. I cannot harm him now; he is coven leader and his life is linked to everybody else’s in his family, but since killing him is not an option anymore, I need to find a way to use his power and his newfound feelings in order to bring Luke back. There actually might be something to do here. “Though I can’t believe I’m about to say this… I think you’re right.”

            They all frown and even Kai’s brow furrows slightly; he was certainly not expecting this. Damon invites me to elaborate and I take a step forward. “Well, he obviously didn’t just inherit Luke’s good tastes in clothing,” I say and we see him look down at himself and give me a flirtatious look, “he’s also absorbed part of his Light.”

“His Light?” Elena repeats, not following.

“Every supernatural being possesses a Light and… more importantly, every witch possesses a Light. It’s strictly personal and though they kinda look similar within a same coven, we can tell them apart. Now there used to be Luke’s Light and Kai’s but now there’s…,” I shake my head, trying to tell my friend from our enemy, “His Light looks like a mix of the two; it’s brand new.”

“Wait a second,” the Gemini says, “first, you’re immune to internal magic and now all this talk about Lights and stuff… Are you a _Lightbringer_?”

            Damon rolls his eyes and we can see Elena and Jeremy frown with confusion.

 “No– I mean, a _real_ one?” Kai insists, and he looks like a kid finding out that Santa Klaus does exists. I don’t give him the satisfaction of reacting at his rambling and exhale. I can do this.

“What is a Lightbringer?”

“Long story short,” Damon says wearily, “a Lightbringer is a special kind of hunters that watch witches and kill them if they–”

“If we ‘go astray’,” Kai cuts him off with a broad, happy grin, and I want to make him eat his damn screwdriver. “ _God_ , I can’t believe you actually exist. I mean, our dad used to tell us stories about you, you know, but we all thought it was just to keep us in line–”

“Seriously,” Damon winces, “I already had to go through this conversation with your siblings; I’m done marveling at Lightbringers, okay? Let’s just get Bonnie back.”

“Wait, is that why you came here today?” Elena asks. “To– watch Kai?” He grins and I make a point to ignore him.

“To _monitor_ him,” I correct her. “I took a peek, realized he was on his way here and decided to come and check on whatever he was going to pull. Didn’t see that one coming though.” I mean, _feelings_? Damon snorts in agreement and I continue, “I can’t kill him without killing his coven; and by merging with Luke, he became one of my witches.”

“One of _your_ witches,” he giggles, “I love the sound of that. I mean, I seriously thought you were here to explore this… hot, sexual tension between us, and it turns out you’re my personal stalker slash bodyguard now. It’s awesome.”

 

*****

 

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” Elena asks and Kai excitedly lifts his brow.

“I don’t know; I’ve never tried this before.”

She rolls her eyes and Damon looks at me with impatience. I keep my arms folded as I push myself off the wall and walk up to the Gemini.

“Okay,” I say, “so you use the ascendant that you… approximately fixed, somehow, to get into this 1994 prison world. Then what?”

“Easy,” he answers, “we find Bonnie, tell her about that old headstone loaded with magic that is… somewhere on an island and that she can harness to breakout, and I pull us back. Piece of cake.” He grins and I arch an eyebrow. “Oh,” he remembers, “and we wish her a happy birthday of course. So what do you say, you in?”

“The four of you go,” I choose, knowing that Jeremy is dying to join, “I’ll stay here and make sure everything plays smooth.”

            We all nod to each other and they prepare for takeoff. Kai holds his palm up, closes his eyes and begins chanting a spell. For a moment, nothing happens, until the ascendant in his hand twitches with a tick. Then they all stop moving and I cock my head; the only thing guaranteeing that the four of them are still alive is their chests rising and lowering as they breathe. I settle back against the wall, monitoring them all. This is going to be a long morning.

            After some time, I start wandering around the room, peeking out through the window and glancing back at them from time to time while fiddling with Luke’s ring. I put it back on a chain around my neck, so as not to lose it. I think back of the conversation I had with Damon, while Kai was finishing up fixing the ascendant: apparently, the witch showed up to the house this morning, saying he’d written this letter to Jo while trying to process the unexpected emotional pain he’d started feeling after Luke’s death. He seemed actually at a loss when he described to them how ‘water had started pouring from his eyes’ and they skeptically told him that _crying_ was actually a very normal, human thing to do.

After that, the vampire basically guilted the witch into helping them get that message to Bonnie for her birthday. If this is real and if he’s actually struggling with new, unwanted feelings such as guilt and pain, then there might be a way I can use that to my advantage and get him to help me.

I’ve been researching on my own since Luke’s funeral; Liv is a mess and it’s not like I can talk to my clan about it. I mean, I had to call Alice and let her know that Luke was dead but that’s pretty much it. I couldn’t tell her I’ve been interfering, and I’m planning on keeping it that way until I get him back. She was never friends with a witch; she wouldn’t understand. She’d call me home right away and I’d lose any chance to bring him back to life.

            I turn back once more to see if everything is okay and that’s when I notice that Kai’s nose is bleeding. I frown, wondering whether that spell could actually kill my witch – meaning I would lose Liv, her entire coven, and my only chance at getting Lucas back at the same time. I go grab his arm, trying to wake him up but he doesn’t stir, and then, he starts wincing with pain and frowning. They all abruptly fall to the ground and take a long breath when their eyes open.

“What happened?” Elena asks. “Why are we back here?”

“I don’t know,” Kai answers, reaching for his nose. “The spell must require too much magic; I lost my connection.”

“Then reconnect,” Damon snaps.

“It’s not that easy,” he says, pointing to his nose. “You see this blood? I’m guessing that’s not a good sign.”

            I distractedly hand the witch a tissue, turning around when Elena argues that Bonnie is going kill herself. When I ask, they tell me that Damon and her made a death pact while they were stuck. Being trapped alone for all eternity is not the funniest thing apparently, so if one day they were to realize they couldn’t take it anymore, they’d kill the oldest bottle of bourbon in the house and then kill themselves.

            Of course, Jeremy, Damon and Elena are arguing against Kai in order to go back, but I silently watch and purse my lips.

“Guys…” I end up saying, “you do realize that if this spell kills Kai–”

“No one will care?” Damon cuts me off.

“…Liv and Jo will die as well,” I finish. “Their entire coven will die.”

“Wait a minute, are you on his side now?” he asks with a wince.

“Of course, she is,” Kai answers with self-importance. “It is her duty toward her clan to keep me alive. How convenient is that?”

“Look, can’t we find another way to do this? One that wouldn’t require all the witches I have left to drop dead?”

“Anyone who isn’t lucky enough to be Kai can actually _die_ in this prison, Andy,” Jeremy snaps, “If Bonnie kills herself, she’ll be dead for good.”

“We need to find a way to send this message to her; to give her hope,” Elena adds, as Kai weakly stumbles to the couch.

“How? She couldn’t hear us,” her brother reminds her.

“The message is already there,” Damon assures them, “in the atlas. I scribbled some notes about Quetsiyah’s blood being on Silas’ headstone; we just need to get her to see it.”

“But how can we open an atlas if we can’t touch anything?”

“We need to get Kai to crank up his witchy woo, don’t we,” Damon says, walking towards him in a threatening step, “so we can make physical contact.”

The witch looks up and gives him a delusional smile. “All the while sending the three of you back over there? Sure, yeah,” before looking at Elena, “Hey, why don’t I reanimate your dead parents for a tea party while I’m at it?” She looks away, obviously hurt by his words, and his face falls. “Sorry… insensitive.”

I squint. How did this guy go from general bloodlust to trying to be sensitive?

“What about you just send _me_ back?” Jeremy suddenly asks.

            Elena turns around and objects at once. They debate some more and Kai explains that it could work; he _could_ focus all of his magic on one person, it might be enough of a boost that they could physically interact. If he can hold the spell, that is. But if he can’t, Kai announces, magic will overwhelm him and he won’t be able to pull Jeremy out; he will be stuck there for the rest of eternity.

“Still a terrible plan,” I comment. The Gemini leader nods in agreement but doesn’t even try to talk them out of it. He’s ready to go through with this. And I can’t help but think that if he’s willing to do that for Bonnie, he’ll do it for Luke.

 

*****

 

            Arms folded, I step closer to Kai but don’t say a word. He’s standing now, working the mechanics of the ascendant while Elena, Damon and Jeremy are in the other room, still debating whether baby-Gilbert should be the one to go. I can’t help staring at his Light, trying to register it. It’s his, definitely, but it looks so much like Luke’s now that every time I turn my head too fast, or when I stop thinking about it, my eyes land on him and my heart leaps with hope. Before sinking again.

“Did no one ever tell you it’s kinda creepy that you’re lurking around people all the time?” the witch distractedly asks, still working on his task. “Not that I dislike it,” he adds, “but you really _should_ find a normal hobby.”

“I have a hobby,” I say, assessing him as he arches a doubtful eyebrow at me. “I play the guitar.”

“That’s hot,” he admits with a nod. “Do you intend on serenading me after we’re done with this?”

“Are you actually, seriously, going to do this?” I ask, and his flirtatious smile fades. “You’re gonna help bring Bonnie back?”

“Well, as you noticed, my emotions are a bit all over the place right now and I kinda feel like I owe her after… all the terrible things that I’ve done to her. So, yes. Weird, huh?”

            I cock my head, trying to figure out whether he’s playing us. Is it weird that I don’t buy any of this and keep expecting the moment he’ll go back to being this murderous lunatic? Once more, his Light absorbs my attention. It’s so alike–

“So,” he says more cheerfully, “now that I’m a brand new, super powerful, _benevolent_ witch, how do you feel about a good-luck kiss? I’ll probably need it, you know.”

            Though I’m good at keeping my feelings to myself, my inner me shrinks back with disgust and horror.

“I’m not kissing you.”

            He snorts and leans in to purr in my ear, “But you want to.”

I glare at him, locking eyes while I keep my arms folded in order not to punch him in the face.

“Every time I look at you, every time you smile, or wink or even wince, I see Luke.” His confident smile drops and his mouth slightly opens, as if I’d just slapped him in the face. “Every time I lay eyes on you,” I continue, “I can’t help but see the family resemblance between you two and it makes me sick.”

            He stares for a moment and I can see a whole lot of emotions battling in his eyes. Is that pain? And guilt? Good. Let’s help him properly enjoy the feelings he stole from my best friend. He eventually looks away and swallows.

“Okay,” he says, trying to keep his voice even, “no good-luck kiss, then; got it.”

            The witch turns around and joins Jeremy.


	18. Chapter 18

Eighteen

 

            I exhale and peek over my shoulder. Kai and Jeremy are still sitting, their eyes closed. I can hear the witch chant and I can also see his face sweating, and a tear pearling at the corner of his eye. This spell is too demanding, even for him. If he dies, I instantly lose Liv, Jo and my last connection to Luke. I can’t afford this.

            I walk up to him, thinking that if I knock him out, it’ll stop the spell; then I stop and walk back to my window. Bonnie’s in there and they might just be a minute away from delivering that message to her, I can’t stop them now. I sigh and glare at the window.

I have been trying to figure whether to act or stand back for what feels like an eternity. Damon and Elena didn’t stick around for long once the spell began; apparently, too much is at stake for them, they couldn’t bear to watch this. So they left me on my own, battling my inner nature. If this is a sort of cosmic test that the universe has sent me in order to see whether my allegiances still lie with my clan… I honestly don’t know what is the right move.

My stream of thoughts is interrupted by the sound of the front door closing and I slightly frown; Damon and Elena are upstairs. I cast a look around the room and decide they won’t be missing me; I might as well make sure we’re all safe. As I reach and open the front door, I frown even more; no one is here. Then why do I have this sensation that I’m not alone?

“No! What are you doing!” Jeremy yells and I run back to the living room. Liv is already standing there, casting spells all over the place so Jeremy and Kai get propelled to the ground. I only have time to see she’s butchered her brother’s stomach with a poker; she’s come to end him, no matter the consequences for her.

“Liv, don’t!” I shout as I lunge for her from behind. I imprison her in my arms but she fights me like a fury.

“Let me go!” she screams, still using her magic to throw random objects at her brother.

“Liv, I don’t want to fight you; you need to stop this.”

            She screams some more and Kai magically sends an armchair flying her way. Except Liv ducks and the armchair hits my head full force. My temple hits a shelf and I drop to the ground. Liv is now free and she uses her magic to trigger some headache for her brother. He screams with pain and rage but I am too dizzy to even move; my vision is stained with black and I sense a hot liquid pouring from my scalp. Their voices are distant as they battle and Kai ends up taking the advantage.

“It’s all coming back to me, Livvie Pooh,” he says with a smile, still panting, “That charge–”

“Stop it,” Liv shouts from the ground as he starts walking towards her like a predator.

“…that races through your bones–”

“Stop it, Kai,” she orders with fear.

“…at the prospect of watching someone burn to death… I really missed that feeling.”

As my abilities slowly – way too slowly – repair my skull and stop the bleeding, I watch him stand over her and delicately take a lit candle from its holder. He’s gonna kill her; I can’t let him do that. I try to stir but I am not healed enough just yet. I let out a frustrated growl; what kind of a Lightbringer manages to lose all of her witches in the spin of a year?

“Just kill me, Kai,” Liv sobs in surrender, “You already killed my best friend.”

            Her brother is still standing over her, holding the candle at arm’s length but for some reason he won’t move now. I can’t see his face but is it possible that the mention of Luke threw him off? Just like the mention of Bonnie struck a newfound chord?

“Just do it,” she adds. “Get it over with.” She’s sitting against a wall, all covered in blood and her eyes are swollen with tears. I gasp and roll on my stomach. She can’t die.

“Come on, I can do this,” I hear Kai tell himself, and he sounds like he’s about to cry, “I don’t care about you.” I push on my arms to get back up. I can’t let that happen; I can’t lose her too.

“Why can’t I kill her?” he is wondering, looking like he’s incapable of casting his fire spell, “Kai, do it. Do it. COME ON! KILL HER!”

            He slaps his face multiple times, in an attempt to set himself back on tracks, as I manage to stand up. I am still disoriented but in a matter of seconds, I’ll be able to lunge back into the fight. I’m just not sure yet which one of them I should neutralize first. Jeremy stirs from his corner of the room, apparently regaining his senses as well.

            However, Liv is quicker than me. She takes advantage of her brother’s moment of weakness to magically fly a fork deep into his chest. Her leader stumbles back a couple steps, while another dark red stain grows alarmingly fast on his white shirt. He falls to the ground, wincing with pain while Liv picks the poker and gets up. I see Jeremy grab a knife, his eyes on her, and I go reach for the other witch.

Jeremy hits her in the shoulder and she falls back with a scream of pain. I glance back but the young vampire hunter tells me to get Kai away from her and I do just that. I tap into my surplus to lift his body until I can pass his arm around my shoulder and drag him to the kitchen. I slam the door with my foot and drop him as delicately as I can against the counter before opening all the cabinets and drawers. _Shit._ There must be something here to patch him up before he bleeds to death.

I come kneel next to him with all the clean dishtowels I can find, I then take out the fork and try to wipe the blood while he screams with pain. “Just hang in there,” I say, pressing on both his wounds so the blood will stop from pouring. Keep him alive; keep Liv alive.

            I start when Jeremy enters the room; Kai is too weak to really react except turn his pale face to him. The younger Gilbert kneels down as well and places the ascendant in the witch’s hand. “You need to send me back.”

“What?” I shout, “No! He’s dying already–”

“Jeremy, look at me,” Kai weakly gasps, “I’m half-dead.”

“I have to go back!” he shouts louder, “I have to save Bonnie!”

            They hold gaze for a moment and Kai nods his consent. We lift our heads up when hearing Liv’s unstable footstep getting closer. Jeremy stands back up and grabs a knife. “I’ll be right back. Keep him alive.”

            I don’t even have time to tell him not to kill Liv; he’s off already. Kai coughs with difficulty, his breath is uneven and I can see him blink his eyes open in order to fight unconsciousness.

“This is madness,” I mutter while abruptly passing my knives’ belt around him, in order to secure an improvised tourniquet on his stomach wound, and press with both hands the one on his chest. He starts with pain and turns a weak eye to me.  

“I have to do this,” he manages to say.

“You’re going to die,” I snap, “Your entire coven is going to die. Is that being a _benevolent_ witch?”

He tries to laugh but miserably fails and gives me half a smile, “Hey, is there any shot of adrenalin in that first-aid kit of yours? Besides your judgmental opinion, I mean. I might need a little boost.”

“Well, too bad I dragged your nearly-dead body to the kitchen; all there is for you here is a shot of paprika.”

            He snorts weakly then winces with pain, getting paler and paler by the minute. I’m guessing they have a whole lot of medical stuff in their pharmacy cabinet in the bathroom, along with vampire blood; we could use some of that right now. I peek at Kai’s wound, seriously wondering where the hell Damon and Elena are, when he clumsily grabs my hand.

“I have to do this.”

“You can drop the act and resume being a sociopath, you know,” I glare, “At this point, no one will care.”

“You know… I’m feeling an awkward surge of friendly tenderness towards you right now, and I know that doesn’t come from me, so… there’s that.” I frown as I try to keep his blood from pouring while figuring out whether he’s making that up. “I can’t let Bonnie die,” he manages to say, “I’ve made her miserable; tortured her and left her alone to die in that prison. I have to do this.”

            And at this moment, I see Luke’s determination in his eyes. Both of them are the stronger ones of their twin sets. Except Luke is gone; and all I have left from my best friend is the shimmer of his Light in his brother’s eyes; a very powerful Light. My only hope.

I exhale, thinking that if he can pull this off, then he is definitely strong enough to bring Lucas back. I place my hand covered in blood over his cheek and lean in for a kiss. Both a promise and a warning. He’d better survive this, otherwise I’m gonna have to go find his dead spirit – wherever it might go since the Other Side is closed for business – and grab him by his scalp to drag him back to life and have him perform a damn reviving spell.

            When I pull back, his blue gaze is clouded.

“Here’s the good-luck kiss you asked for,” I say, unmoved, “and it’s all the adrenalin boost you’re gonna get.”

            Still thrown off, he slightly nods but doesn’t smile. “It’ll do.”

            Then the door opens again and Jeremy slides down to us. “Damon and Elena are dealing with Liv. Let’s do this.” He places his hand over the ascendant, as the Gemini leader closes his eyes and starts to chant.

.

 

            Seconds stretch into minutes as I watch Jeremy and Kai remain unconscious and I have no idea whether it’s a good thing or not; I’m only guessing that as long as they’re breathing, they’re okay. Then Damon and Elena finally come in; the latter rushing over her brother and the former trying to wake Kai up. When the blue-eyed vampire feeds the witch his blood, both he and Jeremy wake up in a start and gasp for air.

“Bonnie…” Elena asks her brother, “is she…?”

“I saw her,” Jeremy gently smiles, “she’s gonna be okay.” Damon and I deeply exhale in relief and then look up at each other; that’s when we realize we’ve been holding our breaths.

            As both vampires help Jeremy back up and start leading him to the living room, Damon turns back to me with an inquiring look. I first examine Kai, who is sitting back up with a wince, and then nod to him; I can handle an exhausted witch.

            We sit here for a minute, in silence, until we hear the front door slam closed, and Tyler’s voice in the living room. “Alright,” I say quietly, “that’s our cue.”

            Since Tyler isn’t shouting, I figure Liv is fine but I am also guessing that he won’t be happy to see Kai. I mean, Tyler has serious anger issues and a face-to-face with the worn-out witch is likely to result in said witch – and his entire coven – dying at Tyler’s hands; accidentally, of course.

            The Gemini leader insists on standing up on his own and I silently roll my eyes, as I damp a dishtowel in the sink. I then grab Kai’s arm and lead him to a different room. When we pass by the main living room, I see Tyler’s back, as he is kneeling next to Liv, and Elena holding her head while feeding her vampire blood. Damon looks up at me and nods so I keep pulling on Kai’s arm and take him to the winter garden, as he impatiently nudges his arm free.

“I can manage,” he grumbles, “I’m not a toddler, nor an infirm.”

“Keep still,” I say, grabbing him back and forcing him to face me, “and quiet.” He winces when I start unbuckling my belt from around his stomach. “Vampire blood is slower to act on witches,” I explain. “Your magic sees it as a threat and tries to fight it, so it’s gonna take a couple more minutes for you to heal properly.”

“I didn’t even know that,” he says easily and my brow quickly lifts up. It’s not like they teach you about vampire blood’s healing properties on witches at ‘covengarten’, since they’re supposed to stay away, but it’s my job to know. 

            Silence stretches as I go over each wound, trying to see how the healing is going. At this point, I’m not even gonna ask him to take off his shirt; it’s only gonna make him more annoying than he already is and I can manage without that. He begins swaying back and forth with impatience and I purse my lips to keep any negative comments to myself. I just shoot him a look, he stops, and then keeps staring down at me, and I focus on my task, hating that he is assessing me right now.

            “You have some blood here,” he says, reaching for my head but I slap his hand and he drops it. I can see his playful smile though, and I really need to say something before he speaks again and makes me want to strangle him.

“You did good today,” I let out and he arches an eyebrow. “In terms of rewiring as a benevolent witch,” I precise, “I mean, the whole… dramatic-sacrifice-for-the-cause thing was nowhere near necessary, _but_ … you did good.”

“So?”

“Nothing. I just thought it was worth noticing.” He squints, searching for the catch and I focus harder on wiping all this blood from his neck, getting uneasy. “What do you want me to say,” I shrug, “it is my job to notice these things; keep the scores. You happen to be in great danger of falling onto the path towards goodness.”

I only realize when saying it that I’m being too obvious. Even _I_ didn’t buy that. I need to handle this more carefully. He keeps silent for a moment, thinking, and then asks very seriously, “Do you really like my new clothing style, though?” I roll my eyes but can’t help a smirk as I shake my head. What a mundane concern after today. “Seriously,” he insists and I try not to laugh. “Jeans are so skinny in this decade; it doesn’t… _feel_ right, you know.”

            I actually snort this time, before giving in, “Let’s just say twenty-first-century clothing suits you better than the nineties.”

He flashes me a happy grin and goes back to being silent.

“So, I get that you’re supposed to be objective and all,” he suddenly says, “but given that you’re definitely not and that you can’t have possibly forgiven me already for absorbing your best friend’s life, I can’t help but wonder why you’re being so… caring, all of sudden.” 

[[Flares, The Script](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7jaXI6oXpQ)]

            My mouth slightly opens and he takes my wrist, gently pulling it away from his wound. The witch watches me expectantly and I can’t come up with something to say without fearing it’ll blow up in my face. My heartbeat quickens; I am terribly aware of how important this conversation is. “Come on, Andy,” he calmly insists, “First, you kiss me, now you tend to my wounds. Just cut the crap and tell me what you want from me.”

“You’re right,” I say. “I haven’t forgiven you; but I might know a way for you to make it up to me; and to Jo and to Liv and… to a whole bunch of people.”

“I’m listening.”

            I chew on my lip as I try to keep the tears away – this is so not the time to start crying.

“I need you to… help me revive Luke.”

            He cocks his head and raises his brow. “Pardon me?”

My eyes sting and a lump forms in my throat, making it hard to just breathe – this is it; I can’t miss the opportunity. I just hate that my voice is shaking so much.

“You’re coven leader now, which means you are powerful enough to cast a spell that–”

“That’s not remotely possible,” he says and I clutch the jacket, trying to keep my balance.

            I shake my head, “It is. It’s easy; you just need to–”

“Andy, not to sound insensitive by any means, but don’t you think that if it _were_ possible, less and less witches would be dying by now? It’s not like I can cast a spell to go through the Other Side and grab my dead broth–”

“Actually, there is no Other Side… anymore,” I whisper and he raises his brow again. “When the Travelers brought their leader back to life, it all fell apart; that’s how Bonnie and Damon ended up in your world in the first place: Bonnie’s Grams gave them a way out.”

“So let me get this straight: even if I _were_ able to bring someone back from the dead, which I am not, there wouldn’t be anywhere to actually go grab the spirit from. I mean–”

“But we can figure it out,” I cut him off with hope, “We can draft a new one, import my ancestors; we can do _anything_.”

“That’s not how it works–”

“But you’re strong enough to do this; we just need a good plan and–”

“He died, Andy. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“There’s always something; a– sacrifice, a spell…”

“No,” he whispers, “He’s gone.”

“Bonnie died. She died and she became the Anchor; and then she died, _again_ , together with Damon and he came _back_. And then he said that she’d found peace but you actually saw her today, which means–”

“This is only possible because they didn’t really die; you said it yourself: Bonnie’s grandma was in the loop.”

“But the Travelers got Markos back, maybe we can Passenger Luke into a body or– or bring him back as a vampire or–”

 “Andy, this is not happening,” he tells me with all the softness he is capable of. He is holding both my elbows now, making me face him so I can search his eyes and see that he’s telling the truth. Tears blur my vision and I have to chew on my lip to keep them from falling.

Kai lowers his head, saying in a low, raw voice, “Please don’t cry; ‘cause if you cry, _I’m_ gonna start crying as well and it’s gonna get very awkward.”

“But you have to,” I whisper and he closes his eyes, swallowing hard. “He wasn’t supposed to die.” I’m crying for good now and I’m incapable of stopping; because he needs to know, he needs to understand. “He was supposed to live a long, happy life. We had a vision; we were gonna make the world a better place…”

            My voice breaks; he keeps his eyes closed and slow tears escape the corner of his eyes. I lower my gaze to his chest that I can’t really see because of the tears: all I can make out is this new Light that, in a blurry sort of way, looks so much like Luke’s. I rest my forehead against that chest, wishing so hard it were my friend’s; whishing this were all some terrible nightmare and that when I open my eyes, Lucas will be smiling at me and telling me that everything is going to be okay.

“I need him,” I cry, “Please. We were supposed to be there for each other; I can’t– I can’t do this alone. _Please_.”

He is still holding my elbows as he pulls me in and I can’t stop crying. I cling to him, whishing with all my heart that _he’ll_ be there when I open my eyes.

I have no idea how long we stand like this and I don’t care. All that matters is that my last hope of getting Luke back is slowly disintegrating and I am not capable of– I am not strong enough.

            After some time, my sobs quiet and it seems that, once again, I have cried all the tears in my body. I draw a painful breath as I step back and discover that my wish didn’t come true. Luke is gone.

There is so much pain and compassion in the witch’s eyes that for a moment, only a moment, I forget that he’s not just someone who’s sharing my grief. But when I remember he’s the one who absorbed my friend’s magic to death, being in the same room as him becomes unbearable. As I step away, he tries to reach out but I recoil from his touch, shooting him a warning glance, and he freezes. I wipe my tears and leave the house without another word.


	19. Chapter 19

Nineteen

 

“…but then, Zander said he didn’t wanna date me because I’m a mess or whatever and I was like ‘Good, ‘cause I don’t wanna date you either.’ I mean, who would wanna date a guy named Alexander and who calls himself Zander just because Alex is not cool enough?” I nod my approbation, barely listening to Liv’s rambling, and keep browsing on my laptop.

            After she showed up at the Salvatore house and tried to take out her brother while I stopped her, I thought things were going to get cold between the two of us. Turns out things got even colder between her and Tyler, who broke up with her that very night after taking her home, because despite all the help and support he was ready to provide for her, she’d still chosen death over him. Liv turned to me for support and things sort of thawed up a bit between us; sort of.

            It’s not like we’re not friends anymore, it’s just that for some reason we won’t mention anything magic-related. I was not expecting her to become my confidant when it comes to clan duty and missions, I had Luke for that, but I did think that we would follow the road we’d started taking together before he died. Turns out our relationship simply isn’t the same anymore. It’s like we’re broken; the third part of us is cruelly missing.

“Andy?”

            I look up and she is staring at me like it’s not the first time she’s been calling me for the past minute. I mutter an apology and she sighs, holding up two dresses for me to look at.

“Black or blue? What do you think?”

“I don’t know, blue,” I answer, “It brings out your eyes.”

She turns both dresses to her and cocks her head. “Black.”

She tosses the blue dress in her wardrobe and hangs the black one on the door. She then grabs her purse and starts preparing it. My Gemini friend has been partying her grief away; getting wasted in order to forget that she lost the better part of herself. I’ve been trying to support her the best I can, but it’s not like I have it together myself; and I was not even family.

            She comes in and out of her room, getting ready for work and we exchange a few words on the fact that Caroline’s mother passed away recently and the blond-haired vampire has enlisted her high school friend group to help her organize the funeral in one day. The ceremony is today and the entire supernatural gang will be going, except Liv and I. First, because we didn’t even know Sheriff Forbes and we’re not even close to Caroline so we would be more than out of place; and second because we’ve had our share of funeral for this year and none of us is ready to dive into another one.

            I save my document and distractedly load my tracking app. I’ve somehow come back to a number of three targets to monitor – of all them happen to know who I am now and what I am here for – but it hasn’t remotely felt the same. My heart is not in the game anymore.

I’m not really worried about Jo; she’s not one to get into trouble and she is the more stable of the three – she won’t be running head first towards danger and I don’t see her going astray in any away. Which leaves Liv, who isn’t going astray but could do some seriously stupid crap out of despair – aka trying to kill her new coven leader even if it means dying along with him –, and said leader, who has surprisingly not been a problem so far.

I must admit I haven’t been following him around and trying to figure out what he’s up to, which is certainly not the most professional behavior I can come up with but the less I see him the better. I honestly don’t feel like entering his schemes nor his drama about having feelings. Just deal with it.

Nonetheless, I like to watch his whereabouts and I always feel more comfortable when he is located in different parts of town that are nowhere near his sisters or the supernatural crew. This is why, when I see his tracker pointing at Jo’s place, my heart skips a beat.

Liv comes back to her room once more, rambling about her eyeliner, and I am already prepping to leave. “You leaving?” she asks the mirror.

“Yeah, I gotta go. Still up for lunch tomorrow after Brit Lit?”

“Still good.”

“Okay, sweet. Bye.”

*****

 

            Alaric opens the door and arches an eyebrow. “You were quick,” he comments as I come in, “I texted you, like, three minutes ago.”

“I was already on my way.” I follow him into the living room and fold my arms as I take in the scene: Jo is wearing his robe, looking all pale and sick, while auscultating Kai, who looks just as pale and sick. What is going on here?

When he sees me enter the room, he frowns and asks, “What is she doing here?”

“Making sure you don’t kill my witch,” I answer coldly. “Real question is: what are _you_ doing here?”

“Meeting with my doctor,” he retorts, “which is kinda private, you know, so whoosh; off you go.”

“I monitor your every move; you don’t get any privacy with me.”

            The Gemini leader squints at me and I hold his stare. Of course, I can’t help remembering our last conversation and how I miserably failed at convincing him to help me bring Luke back, but I won’t break this time. I am strong and brave and they won’t see me break. “So,” I ask Jo while sitting up on her desk, “what’s wrong with him?”

“You mean, besides the obvious?” Rick asks, leaning against the wall next to me, and I can’t hold a smirk.

“Kai is–” Jo begins but her twin interrupts her.

“Thank you, for your concern but we’ve got this figured out. Jo is gonna give me her magic and everything will be well in the worlds.”

“What?” I whisper, completely lost.

“Careful, here,” Alaric warns him, “She hasn’t said yes to that.”

“I’m sorry; did you miss the part where I’m magically diseased because of the faux merge I went through?”

“What does it have to do with the merge?” I ask.

            Heavy silence meets my question as Alaric and Kai keep staring at each other with animosity. Jo eventually turns to me and explains, “Kai was supposed to merge with _me_ ; when he didn’t… I guess it upset the balance of nature or something. And now it’s affecting us.”

“Wait… you’re sick because _he_ is?”

“Probably,” Jo nods, “Which is why Kai thinks the only way for us to get better is if I give him my magic so the merge is complete.”

            I frown at her words and my chest tightens. I can’t hear their voices as they keep arguing about whether Jo should relinquish her magic to Kai but I think I speak more aggressively than expected when I say, “No.”

            Their gazes turn to me and I shake my head. “You got your merge and you won it. Now whatever crap is happening to you, you’re gonna deal with it.”

“You see this?” Kai asks me, gesturing at his face, “This is not good. _This_ might be the beginning of the end.”

“I don’t care, you figure it out. Luke _died_ over this merge, so you don’t get to come here and say it was all for nothing.” Kai closes his eyes and the other two look to the ground. “You took his magic _and_ his life. You don’t get to merge with anybody else _ever_ again.”

 

*****

 

“I don’t get why you’re so upset about this.”

“I’m not upset–” I begin but close my mouth and focus back on the window. I am not doing this.

“I’m keeping the coven alive; I should be getting your congrats and not and endless scowl.”

“You’re keeping _you_ alive and that’s it,” I correct him.

“Well, duh, it has the same effect.”

            I peek over my shoulder and clench my jaw. Kai is half-lying on Jo’s sofa, his glassy eyes intent on me. After another argument, Jo left the room and Rick followed her. I know they’re currently talking about what needs to be done and I know I don’t actually _get_ to interfere with her decision but it really bothers me that Kai gets everything he wants and I don’t get my friend back. I wonder once more how we ended up in this mess and that’s when he suddenly jerks up, coughing out blood. I grab the trash bin and rush over to him, sitting down to hold it as he pukes out an alarming amount of blood. He really does look pale and I can’t help but think that he’s right about needing Jo’s magic; and I hate it.

            When he’s done, he sets the bin on the floor before him, wipes his mouth with his sleeve and closes his eyes. He is still panting and sweat has gathered all over his face, making him look a bit like Luke when he’s hangover. _Was_ hangover. I chew on my lip, hating that I am actually concerned. Why can’t he just be sick by himself, instead of threatening the life of the entire coven? When he jerks forward again with a gasp, I reach for him as well but he doesn’t puke this time.

“False alarm.”

“You okay?” I ask, not even nicely.

“Oh, yeah, totally,” he says with sarcasm, “I just wanted to feel your hand on my chest.”

            I shove him and that is when Jo and Alaric come back into the room, looking grave. I arch my brow and Jo announces, “Let’s do this.”

“Finally,” her twin mumbles and I itch to punch him in the face. I mean, it wouldn’t _kill_ him. “Me, our coven, and the prison worlds thank you.”

            He stands up too quickly and dangerously sways on his feet, and I have to stand up as well and catch him. Then my phone rings and Alaric takes it from the windowsill, holding it towards me. One look at the screen and I shake my head. He frowns and asks, “Wait… you’re not taking this?”

“Obviously,” I grit, still holding Kai’s arm for good measure.

“But… this is Alice,” he calmly insists.

“Just leave it alone; it’ll go to voicemail.”

            He and Jo share a glance and she asks, “Should we worry about this?”

“No– It’s fine. Everything’s fine, okay? Don’t worry.”

“Who’s Alice?” Kai asks and I shoot him a look.

“No one. Now do your magic transfer and be done with it.” He squints and the phone starts ringing again.

“I really think you should take it,” Alaric says.

“Thank you, for the advice,” I try not to sound pissed. “I’ll call her back.” Silence stretches in the room, only broken by the ringtones. “Are you guys gonna move? We don’t have all day.”

“How long have you _not_ been talking to Alice?” Jo asks cautiously.

“This is not your business, is it?”

“Well,” Alaric says, “it’s gonna be our business when she gets here with a whole bunch of Lightbringers and–”

“She won’t, okay? I’ve been talking to her, so chill.”

“Then why you won’t you pick up the phone?” Jo insists.

“Because _I don’t know_ what I’m gonna tell her yet, okay?”

            They share a glance and Alaric says gently, “If it’s about Jo’s magic, it’s fine; she’s gonna do it–”

“It’s not that,” I say more angrily that I want. “Just– drop it. I’ll call her back.”

 

*****

 

            Alaric and I share a glance as a breeze lifts up random sheets of paper in the room and spins them to the floor; all the windows are closed. Both Jo and her brother still have their eyes closed while she holds his face and chants. Only I can see her Light become bleak again as the brightness transfers over to Kai and makes his Light shine with even more strengths.

            Bonnie once told Liv that the curly-blond witch was more powerful than she’d ever been; and Bonnie was powerful. Now Luke was going to win the merge, meaning he was even more powerful than his twin, and when he did merge with Kai, the latter won, confirming that Kai was the strongest of them all. And that was when he didn’t even have his own magic and had to siphon it out of other people. Then he absorbed Luke’s power and became stronger than his whole coven. Now I try to remain calm as I watch the process and realize that adding Jo’s magic to his stock is so not a good thing.

            When they are done, the breeze quiets down around us and the Lights settle. Kai’s hasn’t changed, except it’s brighter than anything I have ever seen. The twins already look a lot better; their skin has recovered a normal, healthier color. “Thank you. And congratulations.”

            The Gemini leader genuinely smiles at his sister and she frowns. He leans in and whispers something in her ear; Rick and I share a glance. Then he pulls back and gently traces the contour of her face with his fingers. “Have a good life, Sissy.”

            Jo seems to be left in a daze and doesn’t stir when he takes his coat and walks out. My gaze goes from her to Alaric and the latter nods me to go, so I mumble a good-bye and leave. Kai is standing outside, his face lifted up toward the sky, his eyes closed, his hands in his coat pockets; a slight smile plays on his lips as he inhales and exhales deeply. I don’t even go near him and walk straight to my car but as I reach it, he catches up with me and asks, “Give me a ride?”

“Nope.”

“You know, if anything goes wrong and I _die_ while walking my way back home, it’ll be on you.”

            I squint in anger and grip the steering wheel. “Get in.”


	20. Chapter 20

Twenty

 

            He obeys with a broad grin and I rub my temples while he puts his seatbelt on. I begin driving without a word, seriously praying he’ll do the same; but then, this is Kai Parker we’re talking about.

“So,” he asks, “how have you been? I mean, with the whole processing-my-brother’s-death-thing.”

“I’m not discussing that with you.”

“Okay,” he nods and peeks throughout his window. I inhale, hoping it meant the end of any conversation but after less than a minute, he is talking again, “So what’s up between you an Alice?”

“What do you care, you don’t even know her.”

“Perhaps not,” he admits, “but I kinda got the vibe she’s your superior or something; probably your leader, so…”

“So, still not your concern.” A brief silence ensues.

“You know, I strongly feel like you’re not making any efforts here.”

“Why would I?”

“Uh… because I’m a little bit nice, now? You know, like, helping-your-friends-save-Bonnie nice.” I focus even more on the road, trying really hard _not_ to think about that day.

“Whatever was your reason to do that, bringing it up pretty much ruins it.”

“So that’s your strategy? The guy cares and you keep despising him?”

“Pretty much.” I focus on the road and he peeks through his window. “You do realize everybody here hates you,” I say after a moment. The witch slowly turns his face to me, but I don’t get much time off the road to watch his reaction.

“Why thank you, for telling me; I hadn’t noticed.”

“And yet, you stay here. I mean, don’t you have somewhere to go? A high council of witchcraft to preside over in Oregon?”

            He snorts bitterly. “Yeah, so I can spend unlimited quality time with my dad? No thanks.”

“So, you don’t want to go to Oregon.” I shrug. “Good thing there are forty-nine other States in this country.”

            The witch gives me a delusional smile. “You really want to see me gone, don’t you?”

“Just saying no one is holding you back,” I point out mildly.

“Well, sorry to rain on your parade but I’m not going anywhere. My sisters are here.”

“And they hate you,” I remind him. “Like, first-on-their-to-be-killed-list hate you. They don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

            My passenger doesn’t answer but by the way he lowers his face and swallows, I can tell the blow has landed. He then turns to his window and doesn’t spare me a glance. At least he doesn’t say another word during our ride. I don’t even enjoy this silence; I just want to be done with this.

            When I pull in the parking lot, however, he grins, staring though the windshield, and it’s like his previous mood has evaporated. “You know where I live?”

“Of course, I do. Which part of ‘monitoring witches’ didn’t register?”

            I get off the car and slam the door; it seems that the happier he gets, the crankier _I_ get. We’re downtown McKinley, near the main street where it’s mostly shops, diners and bars. He leads the way inside a four-story building and I follow: I might as well take the opportunity to have a look around the place; maybe I’ll be lucky to find a post-it note with the outline of his next scheme somewhere in the living room.

            He unlocks a door on the second floor and lets me in. The apartment is spacious and just furnished enough for it not to look bare, with mostly dark blue and grey colors in the curtains, the couch and armchairs. I walk up to the large living room window and peek outside while Kai hangs up his coat.

“You have good natural lighting,” I comment loud enough for him to hear from the kitchen.

“I know, that’s kind of why I settled for it,” he says, coming back with a bottle of water in a hand and a glass of some amber-colored alcohol in the other, offering me both.

            I shake my head, then look around and notice it is very clean and uncluttered. I don’t know what I imagined, probably something creepier; this place just looks very masculine and normal.

“How did you get it in the first place?” I ask, turning back to see him sip his glass. “I don’t really picture you working at Starbucks’ around the corner; how can you afford it?”

            He winces before saying, “Funny story; the guy who owned this place was actually proprietor of the whole building–”

“Was?” I instantly repeat.

“I may or may not have tortured him into signing it all to me and then killed him. Don’t look at me like that, okay? it was before I even had feelings. How could I have guessed I was ever gonna feel bad about it?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, and it was actually a pretty good deal; I mean, I own all these apartments now and people pay me rent.”

            I’m about to snap at him when he suddenly shuts his eyes and cocks his head, clenching his jaw. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he grits while holding out a hand for the couch. He cracks his neck left and right and opens his eyes before suddenly stumbling forward with another wince of pain.

“Hey,” I say, not even gently, watching him intently, “Where does it hurt?” _Shit_. Tell me he’s not dying. I don’t care how much pain he has to endure, I need this guy alive.

“It’s alright; everything is just… spinning a little bit. Whoa.”

            I help him sit down nonetheless; if this has anything to do with the faux merge, he’s so giving Jo her magic back. I kneel down before the witch but he doesn’t see me for a moment, he’s focused on the ground and his hands are flat on the couch. I step away only long enough to grab the bottle of water and open it for him. “Here, drink.”

“I’m fine,” he snarls, eyes shut, rubbing his temples, “Just– the prison worlds settling down, I guess. The headache’s not gonna last.”

“Do you have any painkillers?”

“There’s a first-aid kit in the bathroom,” he answers, eyes still shut, “and one in the kitchen, obviously.” I head to the kitchen space, not bothering to look for the bathroom, and he adds, “First top cabinet on the right.”

            I open said cabinet and lift my brow; there is nothing in it except that first-aid kit. I open the next cabinet, then the next, and frown. Nothing, except dishes; no food. Same with the freezer and the fridge, save for a couple bottles of water. I come back to the living room, scowling at him, but he doesn’t pay attention and gratefully takes the painkillers before sipping some water. He exhales and looks up at me and my folded arms. “Why so stern?”

“Have you been eating?”

            He opens his mouth but doesn’t answer right away and a shimmer of shame briefly crosses his eyes before his usual easy smile reappears. “Of course, I have. I can’t feed on daylight yet.”

“There’s no food in your apartment.”

“I prefer takeout.”

“Cut the crap, Parker.”

“What do you want me to say; if I kill my way to a meal plan at the dining halls, you’ll pick up your phone and send your scary leader over to kick my butt.”

            It is my turn to rub my temples. Why? Why on earth was I given a witch that I must keep alive, above all else, and who won’t even feed properly? I exhale and shoot him an impatient look.

“Get your coat,” I say, walking out and leaving the door open behind me.

 

*****

 

“These fries are really good, are you sure you don’t want some?”

            I keep scowling from my seat, arms folded, which doesn’t keep the Gemini from enjoying his meal. That I had to take him to a diner – one far enough from campus that I wouldn’t have to worry about meeting Liv – is still somewhat unreal. I didn’t order food because it felt like I would be eating _with_ him. The glass of water that the waitress placed in front of me is still intact, while Kai’s plate is already missing its burger and half of its French fries. The smell is actually making me hungry and I have to look away from his plate multiple times in order not to snatch one.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” I finally say.

            Kai nods and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Ask away.”

“Do you know who is in your coven’s prison worlds?”

            It came up during an argument back a Jo’s; Kai’s point was that if he died, not only would the Gemini die right away but also the prison worlds would collapse. We all twitched at that, and Rick was the one to voice our shared thought: ‘Prison _worlds_? As in more than one?’ and Kai briefly explained that he wasn’t the only Gemini to have ended up in his own personal hell.

            He gives me an indulgent smile. “Gee, Andy, and here I was, hoping for something more personal.”

“I have nothing personal to ask you.”

“Isn’t it what friends do though? They… ask about personal stuff and tell each other secrets or whatever?”

“We’re not friends.”

“Yeah, you kinda cried an entire swimming pool on my tee-shirt once; that totally makes us friends.”

“No, it doesn’t. Back to prison worlds.”

“What do you wanna know?” he sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Do you know precisely who are in them? Like, right this moment?”

“Not exactly, no; but I can know easily. Why?”

“Would it be possible that… someone ended up in one of them when they died? Like Bonnie and Damon did.”

            The witch’s chin slowly rises up, as he understands where I’m going with this. He leans back in his seat and tosses his napkin on the table. “He’s not over there.”

“You don’t know that,” I say, leaning forward.

“Actually, I do. As the leader, I have a sense of what happens in these worlds, okay? Of people getting in and people getting out. Now if my brother were in one of those, I would know.”

            I clench my fists under the table and look down when tears cloud my vision. Breathe in; breathe out. I can’t just burst into tears again, I need to stay calm. I only look up when I sense someone walking up to us and stopping at our table.

“Hey, Andy!”

“Steven– Hi.” I stare for a moment, my mind going sort of blank at the sight of him.

“How have you been? I haven’t heard from you since–” his fond smile fades then, and he gives me a sympathetic look, “I was very sorry to hear about your friend Luke; I know you two were close.”

“Uh– thanks,” I mutter, looking back at the table. I haven’t seen or talked to Steven since that night I ran out of his place to go fight Kai; the night Luke died. My inner me shrinks back on itself at the thought of it and I think it does show on the outside, because Steven mercifully – or not – turns a polite smile over to the witch when I don’t return the question or even speak.

“Hi, I’m Steven,” he says before cautiously glancing between the two of us, “a– friend of Andy’s.”

“Kai,” the witch answers with a polite smile, “Luke’s older brother.”

            Steven’s smile falls off his face once again, “Oh, God– I’m so sorry, I–”

“Nah, you didn’t know,” Kai says with a shrug, still watching him intently, and I get the feeling that he is enjoying himself very much right now, which gets me out of my trance.

“Anyway, it was nice seeing you, Steven,” I say, breaking the awkward silence that has somehow taken over the table.

“Right–”

“Come on, Andy, don’t be a jerk,” Kai cuts him off, “Steven here can stay with us for a little while. I mean, he has such pretty eyes.”

“You’re not doing that,” I grit and Kai’s brow lifts in amusement.

“Doing what?” he asks in utter innocence.

“Steven was just saying hi and now he’s leaving; bye Steven, I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yeah, see ya,” Steven lets out, taking the hint that more awkwardness is about to follow.

            Kai peeks over his shoulder to watch him leave with his friends, a playful smile on his face. “My sister was right about you,” he says back to me, “you have a thing for blue eyes.”

“I’m not discussing that with you,” I retort, standing up and reaching for my furred jacket.

“What is left for us to discuss, then?” he asks, rolling his eyes.

“Pretty much nothing. Let’s go.”

 

*****

 

            Tina and Jess are talking, but they know I’m not listening. I stare at the TV but don’t really watch, fiddling with my phone. I end up texting Steven, to apologize for not being remotely polite with him earlier. He’s not angry or anything, he says, and  he can’t begin to imagine how things have been for me, but he’s here if I need to talk; he’s also here if I need not to talk. I stare at the screen for a long time, not really thinking about anything. Then I text him back and grab my jacket.

 

*****

 

            The next day, it is nearly eight thirty in the morning when I ring at Kai’s door. I have to wait an entire minute and use my elbow to ring again before he actually opens the door. His frowning, sleepy face appears and he barley has time to take in the paper bag full of groceries that I’m carrying before I walk past him.

“What is this?” he asks unhappily.

“Put on a shirt and come help me.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Making sure you sustain yourself,” I say, already emptying the bag on the kitchen counter and sorting the articles by categories.

“I don’t eat spinach.”

“I don’t care what you eat.”

He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose; I am already filling the fridge and the cabinets. “Okay, new rule: you don’t get to come here or even talk to me before my first coffee.” He heads to the coffeemaker and turns his back to me.

“What, no jokes? No ‘you only needed to ask if you wanted to see me shirtless’?” I mock.

“You are the joke,” he retorts, nodding at the clock with an unhappy frown. “Don’t you ever sleep?”

 “ _Please_ , I’ve been up for hours. I needed to wait for the shops to open, though.”

“Thank goodness, these people have common sense.”

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” I smirk, placing two slices of bread in the toaster.

“Someone woke me on the wrong side of the bed.”

“You can cut the attitude, you know. Liv isn’t a morning person either; I’m used to it,” I say, enjoying his sleepy face and cranky mood way too much. Looks like the crankier _he_ gets, the happier I get.

“Great, then you can take a hint and see yourself out.”

            I roll my eyes, filling an entire glass of orange juice. I turn the stove on, put on a pan, then grab the butter and some eggs, and start cooking an omelet. Then I look around in the drawers and cabinets for some dishes, swift and fast, compared to sleepy, motionless witch-leader here. Kai leans against the counter, holding a steaming mug of coffee and watching me unhappily.

“What?” he asks flatly.

“Just– seeing you with that mug reminds me of my best memory of you.”

“You mean when I nearly killed you?”

“Right after that; when _I_ nearly killed you.”

“It is way too early for this conversation to be happening.”

I chuckle as I grab the toasted bread and arch up a brow, “Jam or peanut butter?”

He stares, blasé, and I shrug; one peanut butter, one jam. I’ve decided to be in a good mood today, even when thinking of Luke. No sadness, no regrets, no anything. Just for one day, just to breathe. I woke up early, trained, showered and went grocery shopping; I worked up all this energy in my body to keep me going and I won’t allow _anything_ to bring me down. Today is going to be a good day.

“Seriously, what is this?”

“Consider this an intervention. Now that my number of witches is down to two – well, two and a half, let’s say, ‘cause I’m still keeping an eye on Jo anyway – I can’t afford to go any lower, so I’m making sure that you stay alive.”

“You mean that my _coven_ stays alive.”

“Well, duh,” I mock and he squints.

“Is this going to be an everyday kind of a deal?” he inquires, failing at holding back a yawn.

“Depends on you,” I shrug, “here’s the deal: if you prove mature enough to sustain yourself, I’ll leave you alone.”

            We hold gaze until my head snaps toward the stove. As I make for it, the witch only steps in and grabs the wooden spoon. I watch him easily work the omelet before slipping it onto a plate and turning off the stove. Precise and swift, all the while looking like he isn’t done sleeping.

“You seem pretty at ease in a kitchen,” I comment.

“I spent the last eighteen years alone; I think I can manage.”

“Great,” I grin, “So you’ve got this. I’ll leave you to it then.”

            I step back and grab my furred jacket and my scarf; Kai looks up and my phone rings.

A text from Damon.

“You’re leaving?” the witch asks.

“Yeah, I have class,” I say, barely looking up from my phone on my way out. “I’ll be checking in soon. Bye.”


	21. Chapter 21

Twenty-one

 

            I push the door behind me for it to slam closed and I only stop when stepping in the living room. My mouth falls open in disbelief as I take in the two persons standing before me: Damon Salvatore and–

“Bonnie.”

            The witch’s head whips to me, full of surprise, but I stride to her and grab her for a hug. I knew this was going to be a good day. “Oh my God, you’re back!” I shout enthusiastically, as I step back to look at her. “You made it!”

            She stares at me with caution and says, “Hi, Andy.”

“I can’t believe it! When did you come back?”

“Last night,” Damon answers for her, since she doesn’t stir. “We just thought we would wait a little before announcing the news to everybody.”

“Right,” I nod before giving her another relieved grin. “I’m just so glad that you’re back.” I didn’t lose her after all. Not that she would ever replace Luke, but it’s priceless to finally have some good news in the midst of all this sadness. Besides, once she’s settled down, maybe I can ask her to help me on my quest for a reviving spell. It’s all going to work out.

Bonnie tilts her head and gives Damon an inquiring glance. That’s when it hits me that the two of us have never been here before: we’ve never stood together in the Salvatores’ living room and we’ve never acknowledged that we’re both part of the supernatural world. She has no idea who I am.

            Realizing that, I take a cautious step back and drop my arms.

“You… come here?” she finally asks me, arching a brow, before glancing between the vampire and me. “I mean–  you know Damon?”

“Right,” I say more cautiously, “you never knew.”

“She never knew?” Damon asks me with disbelief.

“Mm-mm,” I shake my head. “I only told Luke and that was kinda after the Other Side went down, so–”

“Wait, you know about the Other Side?”

            Damon places his arm around her shoulder and explains, “Well, Bonnie, meet Andy: sorta-friendly-witch-hunter.” Bonnie’s eyes widen at the news and she examines me more intently while I arch an amused brow at Damon.

“Sorta?”

            He shrugs. “You did kill me once, remember?”

“It happened _once_. And you started it.”

“Of course I started it. One minute you’re this drunk, harmless human girl, interrupting a major supernatural deal by accident, and the next, you turn all killing-machine and lie Tyler down in half a second. What did you exp–”

“Did that really happen?” Bonnie asks, skeptical. I open my mouth and Damon brings her closer to him, smiling fondly.

“You’ve missed a couple things.” 

“Obviously,” Bonnie says, slipping away from Damon’s embrace and grabbing her coat. “I’m gonna go see Elena and Caroline. I’d be interested to hear about your story, though. I never had a clue about you.”

“Yeah,” Damon says lightly, “she’s rather good at keeping her secrets, I guess other people are better at spilling them.”

            Bonnie flashes him a smile and heads out; I wave back and turn to Damon when the door closes behind her. His smile is gone, he looks rather dark and angry. I’m not sure that is a good thing.

“What’s up with you?”

“I went to dig up my mother’s grave this morning.” I lift my brow, completely lost.

“You did what?” He heads to the console and pours himself a drink.

“Before Bonnie got her ride back, some weird crap happened in the prison world. According to her, it was collapsing with another one, in 1903…,” he trails off and takes a sip.

            I fold my arms and listen intently, thinking back of Kai’s words about multiple prison worlds: him being magically sick seems to coincide with the worlds colliding. My heartbeat quickens instantly and I’m dying to ask whether she saw Luke. I try to remain calm as I ask, “Did she see anyone in there?”

“Yep.” He then grabs an old video recorder that, I’m guessing, comes from 1994, and presses play. I watch, hoping to see my friend, but I only see the dark walls of a cave and then, as some magical light comes to sweep Bonnie back into our land, I get a glimpse of someone. A woman; wearing a red riding dress fitting the time period of 1903. My brow furrows as I think back of what Damon said.

“Is that your mother?”

“Yep.”

“How’s that possible?”

“That’s the question. See, my mother died of consumption in 1858, so there is no way in hell she can be alive, looking this young, in some 1903 prison world.”

“Okay,” I say slowly. “Then who is that?”

            Did she have a doppelgänger of something? And even so, what would she be doing in a prison world? I thought these were only for crazy dangerous people, like, Gemini sociopaths and such. Could she have ended up there when dying? But it doesn’t really make sense either, seeing that it’s a loophole Bonnie’s Grams only pulled when the Other Side fell apart.

“That,” he says, “is the person who is supposed to be in the empty coffin sitting in family mausoleum.”

“So it _is_ her.”

“That’s what I need to figure out.” I nod and silence fills the room. I tilt my head.  

“Are you– waiting for me to offer my help?” I ask, “Cause, you know I can’t really do that.”

“Wow. Thank you, for your support, Andy. Really, it means a lot.”

“Of course, I wanna help you get to the bottom of this, it’s just– it’s not even witch business; you’re a vampire. I’m even less supposed to be interfering.”

“What are you gonna do, then? Crawl back into the shadows and stalk witches around after sunset?”

I give him a look, already flinching, and he rolls his eyes, “Fine. But you might wanna stay anyway. I enlisted one of your witches to help, and this one, I think you’ll want to monitor.”

I frown, hoping I did not understand this correctly, but then the front door opens, and I can hear an altogether too familiar voice greet loudly, “Hello; anybody home?” I turn around to watch Kai walk up to us and eye me up and down. “Hey, Andy; long time, no see.”

“Why did you have to call him?” I complain. “Liv could have helped.”

“Liv,” Kai says very seriously, “is busy working right now and trying to find meaning to her life without the better half of herself. She’s off the table.”

“I’m sorry,” I snap, “are you trying to sound like a grown-up right now? You want us to take you seriously, is that why you stopped shaving?”

            The witch slowly smiles at me and reaches a hand up to brush his chin and cheeks covered in stubble.

“I knew you’d noticed. You’ve been ogling me even more since I have it.”

“I don’t _ogle_ anyone.”

“Yeah, you do. It’s actually cute that you’re not aware of it.”

“I do not,” I say more coldly, earning a playful wink from the witch.

“Hm-mm,” Damon clears his throat with a wince, “still here; still disgusted.”

“Anyway, I’m guessing you asked me to come back here to plan a little trip over to 1903, isn’t that right, Damon?”

“Yep.”

            The vampire is about to elaborate when his phone starts ringing. He decides to take Stefan’s call and walks a few feet away from us. I give a sideway glance over at Kai and find him giving me another playful wink. I guess this day just went from great to very long.

 

*****

 

            Jessica begins the wrong verse and winces but quickly finds her way back to us. The three of us were in the kitchen, talking and giggling while she was baking cupcakes, when she requested a song and I – surprisingly – accepted. After Bonnie and Damon supposedly died, it always felt weird for me to go to our singing club, knowing she wouldn’t show up anymore, so when this school year started, I basically stopped going. I would still grab my guitar and sing along with my suitemates from time to time, but ever since Luke’s death, I’d stopped.

Of course, I never told the girls of the exact circumstances of his death but they knew we were close; he’d come here several times and Jess had flirted with him hardcore – which was pretty funny to watch – so they sort of knew how much he meant. And even if they didn’t, they saw how I struggled right after his death. I hadn’t picked up my guitar since then but it just felt okay today. I don’t know, I guess it means I’m moving on with my grief. Maybe.

The song ends and I let the last notes resonate in our tiny kitchen. Tina’s eyes are closed; she’s grinning. I forgot how peaceful it felt to simply sing along with them. Jess and I share a smile and that is when my phone rings.

Kai Parker. So not used to seeing this name pop up; it can’t be good.

“What do you want?”

“Hello to you too. It’s funny how I can almost picture your scowl from here.”

“Parker.”

“Damon called. We’re getting mama Salvatore out of 1903; I said I’d get you on my way to Mystic Falls.”

“Wait… I thought we weren’t doing that.”

            It is the conclusion we came to when Kai announced Damon he’d done his research about Lilian Salvatore, and turns out she _is_ supposed to be in this prison world, because she’s a ripper. Apparently, she turned into a vampire in 1858, faked her death, went to Europe, killed thousands of people, and the Gemini made it their mission to stop her and her crazy crew when she set foot on American soil again. Bottom line is: she’s not getting out.

            I set my guitar aside and walk away from my suitemates.

“I know, I know,” he says, “I was very clear on that. But then, Caroline turned her humanity off and basically blackmailed Stefan into turning _his_ humanity off as well, because apparently he can trigger her feelings back and she didn’t want that to happen, and now Damon is looking for a way to trigger his brother’s feelings back for a domino effect, with the help of mommy-dearest.”

“Uh– okay,” I say, trying to digest all that, “Still not a good idea.”

“I know.”

“But you’re doing this anyway because…?”

“I have a soft spot for people who accidentally turn all sociopath,” he jokes, “and besides… Bonnie agreed to help.”

“What? I thought she didn’t want to see you. Or talk to you, or– hear about you. Ever again.”

“Yeah, but she agreed to meet me anyway; and she’s coming to 1903. I kinda made this a condition to me helping along in unleashing another ripper onto this world. So, are you coming?”

“Uh– I guess; yeah. I’ll meet you guys over there.”

“I told you: we’re carpooling. I’m parked outside your dorm.” I frown and lift a curtain: Kai’s car _is_ parked right in front of the building. I sigh and end the call.

            From the moment I get into the car, I get to hear the beginning, middle and end of his meeting with Bonnie, and how she was so cold to him, considering he was making such an effort into expressing how sorry he was. I do try to remind him that he basically tortured her, back in 1994, but he won’t hear it so I stop talking after some time and he finds a way to ramble about something else. This guy doesn’t seem to need anyone but himself to hold a conversation.

The only moment he actually says something to me is when I change the radio station, “Don’t touch that.”

“What do you care, you’re not even listening.”

“I am; I’m a very good multitasker.”

“Alright, can’t we just listen to something a little bit more recent than the early nineties?”

“The nineties were pretty good and it keeps me anchored.”

“You do realize you’re gonna have to move into the present at some point? I mean, now that you’re here–”

“I know, just– my car, my rules.”

“Luke would always let me choose the music,” I argue and that’s when he gives in.

“Do what you want,” he mutters, his eyes glued to the road.

            I have a satisfied smirk and begin searching for a different station. Is it bad that I take advantage of his newfound feelings? Probably. But since that man is the reason for so much grief and pain, I shall not feel guilty about it. He deserves it.

            When we get to the Salvatore house, Damon, Elena and Bonnie are here already, all wearing warm coats, all ready to step into a loop of November 1st, 1903. I watch more than I participate to the conversation, observing that Damon is not exactly comfortable with bringing Elena along, and that Kai is constantly trying to get Bonnie’s attention by either telling her a joke or something nice. It’s kind of pathetic but I guess his brand new feelings are giving him a hard time. I examine his Light from afar, weirdly feeling like it could be Luke, standing right here instead of him, with the exact same Light, and suddenly, it doesn’t even feel good anymore, to think that the last emotions left of him are pain and guilt. It’s just sad.

            I don’t know what my face looks like while I’m thinking about this, but when the witch notices my stare, we hold gaze for a moment, and he doesn’t smile. I can’t believe I lost Luke to that man; I can’t believe _he_ gets to live. I finally look away and engage in a conversation with Damon, reminding myself once more that killing him would result in killing Liv, Jo, their dad, and the rest of the coven.

They all get ready for the expedition and I walk up to them, obviously expecting to be tagging along.

“You’re not coming with us,” the Gemini leader tells me and I slightly cock my head.

“Of course I am. Why else would I be here?”

“Damon said you could come here to babysit me, but you’re not part of the expedition.”

“You can’t expect me to sit here and wait while two of my witches are going into a different world together; especially since one of you is very likely to kill the other.”

“Which part of the word ‘remorse’ didn’t you get?” Kai asks me as if I were exceptionally stupid, “you know I wouldn’t do that.”

“I was not talking about you.”  

            Bonnie gives him her fakest smile and Kai abruptly takes my arm, leading me a few feet away from them. “Look, we appreciate you coming along but I need to do this alone.”

“But you’re not _going_ alone,” I point out, “Damon and Elena–”

“I need to talk to Bonnie, okay? I’m trying to apologize here.”

“And– you can’t have me around when you do? I’m not going to spy on you; I was giving you a hard time when I said you wouldn’t be getting any privacy.”

“You’re not coming; end of discussion,” he decides before going back to the others.

            I gape in incomprehension and frown while the two witches hold the ascendant in their hands. What is this? Since when does he get to decide what I do or don’t do? Do I tell him where he can and can’t go? Damon takes Elena’s hand, who is already holding Bonnie’s. I react when Kai begins chanting and this bright light invades the living room: I wait for the last second to grab his sleeve and his eyes shoot open. I can already feel the ground disappearing under my feet when he abruptly shrugs me off.


	22. Chapter 22

Twenty-two

 

**_Mystic Falls, Virginia – November 1903_ **

I take another step and lose balance when I can’t rest my foot onto the ground; I sink into the snow until mid-thigh and I let out a growl. When I get my hands on that damn witch, I am _so_ beating him to near-death. I have been here for hours, trying to walk around in this wintery forest. Snow keeps falling, a crisp, aggressive cold bites everywhere my skin shows, and the winds won’t stop blowing, causing me to shiver every other second.

            The sun has set now and everything around me looks creepier. I look up and thank those beautiful northern lights that dance in the dark sky. Since they came up, I can see my way through those woods and I’m definitely getting closer to this massive construction that could very well be the Salvatore house. My pants are all cold and humid with walking in the snow and my teeth chatter. I am craving for warmth like never before; coming here was such a bad idea.

            I thank all the gods I have ever heard of when I finally step onto the front porch and push the old, heavy wooden door open. I can barely use my hands to close it behind me and I have to push it with my back, then I head to the living room, striding to the dark fireplace. I can barely feel my fingers anymore, and they are so cold it almost burns, so it takes me forever to clumsily load the chimney with chopped wood. I’m looking around for a lighter – or for a 1903 version of a lighter, like matches – when I hear footsteps behind me.

            My head whips back and I can’t help glaring at Kai.

“Andy?” he weakly asks, obviously taken aback.

“I swear to God, when I’m done with lighting that fire, I am _so_ tearing your eyes out.”

“What are you doing here?”

“You left me!” I shout indignantly.

“I know, hence the question: what are you doing here? Are you– Are you back?”

            Blinded by my resentment, I don’t notice how uncertain his voice sounds. He glances over at the door and then back at me as I snap, “Yeah, I’m back. _Finally_. After I had to walk for _hours_ through this snowstorm; I can’t even feel my feet anymore!”

“Wait… You were out there _all_ day?”

“Well, _someone_ shoved me out of the ride so I ended up– I don’t even know where I ended up! I just walked until I recognized the town cemetery and knew where I was; that’s when I turned around and resumed walking. All. the way. back.”

            My hands are so cold I stop looking for the damn lighter and friction them together, still shivering. “Are you gonna help with that fire already?”

            The witch snaps back to reality. He quietly comes stand before the chimney and lifts his hand. “ _Icendia_.”

            A bright, burning fire instantly fills the entire fireplace, feeding on the logs. The characteristic sound of creaking wood appears to me as the most beautiful thing ever, especially when all I have heard all day was snow crunching under my feet. The witch silently takes the poker and kneels down, tugging the logs here and there, and I slowly kneel down as well, spreading my hands as close as possible without getting burned.

            I have no idea how much time passes by; I am exhausted and fascinated by the heat that keeps spreading in my body – I honestly thought I was never gonna be warm again – and the witch kneeling next to me is mercifully absorbed with the fire and his thoughts, sparing me any attempt at conversation. The amount of hatred I was feeling toward him all day has lowered down to usual dislike but I’m still pretty sure I could gut him if he so happens to piss me right now.

“You’re awfully quiet,” I end up commenting after a long while. He looks up at me but doesn’t utter a word. I shrug. “Where are the others anyway? Are they still with Lilian? Did you guys find this world’s ascendant for the trip back?”

            The Gemini leader absent-mindedly takes a small wooden box out of his coat pocket and hands it to me. I slightly frown, starting to wonder whether anything happened with Bonnie for him to look so down, and I take the box. Inside it lies a circular artifact that looks a lot like clockwork pieces assembled in the wrong way; it is a powerful portal key however, and I can sense it is loaded with Gemini magic.

“You can keep it if you want; there won’t be a trip back.”

“What do you mean, ‘there won’t be a trip back’?” I frown some more as he keeps staring at the fire and my face falls; the silence in this massive house suddenly becomes very oppressive and I can’t shake the worst of feelings. “Kai, where are the others?”

“They left,” he murmurs to the fire. “They’re gone.”

“What do you mean, ‘they’re gone’? Gone where?”

            The witch turns his face to me and my heartbeat sprints; my hands go sweaty. The answer is written all over his face but I cannot settle for anything less than words. I stand back up, not caring about my sore body, and look down at him.

“Where are they?” The anger in my voice is more about the fear; they can’t have just disappeared like that.

“They went back to the present. They’re gone.”

            I open my mouth, close it. I try to swallow but my throat is awfully dry. A plan, a solution, now.

“Then what do we do? How do we get out of here?”

“We can’t.”

“But… aren’t you the Gemini leader? This world _belongs_ to you now; surely you can come in and out as you–”

“Not without the proper tools; it’s a prison, remember?”

“But you have magic and the ascendant… I mean, what more could you–”

            I stop when I realize we’re missing another key ingredient to this spell: the blood of a Bennett witch. This can’t be happening. I cannot be stuck here, in a prison world, it doesn’t make any sense. “What happened?” My voice is a broken whisper; the witch looks up at me.

“What do you mean, ‘what happened?’? They left, that’s it.”

“But how could they just leave like that? Something must have happened– Did something happen with Bonnie?” I see him close his eyes and exhale deeply. “What did you do to her?”

“It was a trap. Bonnie– She only agreed to come so she could trap me in here, alone. With my feelings. Forever.”  The news sinks in. A trap. That’s why she agreed to work with him on this one. It doesn’t make sense though.

“But… what about me? Why would she leave _me_ here?” I mean, I _am_ a witch hunter but Damon did precise I was not there to simply kill any witch I could get my hands on; my clan and I work efficiently, we have no interest in harming good witches.

“No one knew you were here,” he says, standing back up as well.

“Of course, you knew. I was right here; I grabbed your sleeve before takeoff–”

“And I shoved you,” he cuts me off. “We landed and you weren’t there. We didn’t know.”

            I stare for a moment, incapable of uttering a sound. This is not real. “Sorry you got dragged into this.” He peeks down at the fire and I imitate him.

“What do we do now?” I ask after an eternity.

“Choose a room, get comfortable. Forever is a long time.”

 

*******

 

            I don’t open my eyes just yet, enjoying the comfortable warmth of the bed; but then I hear the winds blowing outside and a frightful cold creeps inside me. I open my eyes and sit up, already knowing what a glance around only confirms: I am alone in an early-twenty-century bedroom and it is snowing outside. It wasn’t a bad dream; I am trapped in a prison world.

            I get dressed and head downstairs, finding my witch already up in the living room. He is standing over the chimney, resting his forearm on the mantelpiece, and poking distractedly at the logs. I can’t believe that of all the persons I could have been trapped here with, it ends up being him. My guardian angel must really dislike me.

“Hey,” I sort-of-greet, as I come stand before the fire for warmth.

“Hi.”

            Silence stretches and I can’t help but wonder whether I’d rather hear him talk endlessly; this overwhelming silence really doesn’t sit well with me. I look at him sideways and realize he looks very tired.

“Were you up all night?” I ask, but he won’t even spare me a glance.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Look, I’ve been thinking: even though you guys didn’t know I was here the whole time, they’re gonna figure it out.”

“Really.”

“Yeah. I mean, when I don’t show up for classes _and_ for work, Liv is gonna start wondering where I am. It’s only a matter of time before she alerts the others and they realize I’ve been missing ever since the field trip to 1903.”

“Have you thought about the fact that maybe, just maybe, they won’t take the risk to open the portal again and let me out?”

“They’re not like that.”

“Yes, they are,” he retorts and I can’t help but silently agree with him, since they did leave him here in the first place. I mean, this prison literally is the perfect place for this gone-astray-Gemini-leader: he’s alive and so is his coven, and he doesn’t get to hurt or kill anyone ever again. I actually would have agreed to putting him in here; had they asked my opinion and not trapped me too.

“I was finally out,” he whispers to himself, staring at the fire. “I could have had a life, I–” He interrupts himself, and by the sideway glance he gives me and the way he clenches his jaw, I understand he didn’t mean to say that aloud. I shift my weight from foot to foot, pushing aside any sort of compassion for the witch. He brought this on himself, I’m certainly not going to let myself feel bad for him.

“Alright,” I say, trying to stir up some hope anyway, “let’s say Bonnie holds a grudge and they decide not to come back; it’s only a matter of weeks before my clan realize I’m missing and they barge in to rescue us.”

“You mean, rescue _you_ ,” he corrects, giving me a harsh look and I don’t know what to say for a moment.

“We’re not there yet,” I dodge. “We only need to sit tight and see how it’s gonna play out. We won’t be here forever.”

            He shakes his head with a delusional smile but doesn’t answer. It’s only a matter of time, I try to convince myself. _I_ won’t be stuck here forever, I have to believe that, otherwise– My stomach growls and I start.

“Okay, first order of business: food. We’re gonna need lots of it.”

“We’re not a ‘we’,” he reminds me without looking up.

“You’re not my favorite person either,” I retort, “but right now it’s you, and me, in an empty world. See it as a survival truce; until I get to see a person who isn’t you, we’re a ‘we’.”

“Whatever.”

            Alright, I’m not delighted at the prospect of teaming up either, but then I must admit that the alternative is way more daunting. I know utter loneliness here messes with your mind; Bonnie was going to kill herself if they hadn’t found a way to tell her how she could come back. I certainly don’t want to ever come to that.

Going back to a more pressing issue, I look around, somewhat doubtful and ask, “They didn’t have a fridge in 1903; where did they keep food?”

“I took a look around the ground floor last night,” Kai answers with a shrug, “Looks like vampire Lilian Salvatore didn’t concern herself much with food.”

“That’s the first issue we need to figure out,” I decide, “I don’t think there are any shops around here, so how are we gonna eat?”

            The witch looks away and starts chewing on his lip uneasily. I swallow with discomfort. “We’re not gonna have to hunt animals, are we?”

“You’re okay with hunting down witches – actual people that you kill – but hunting animals in order to eat doesn’t sit well with you?” he asks with skepticism.

“I’m just saying, I’m not doing that,” I say, holding my hands up in defense. “There must be other houses not that far, maybe there’ll be food in them–”

“We might… not need to go that far.”

            I tilt my head, waiting for the witch to elaborate but he averts his face, getting even more uneasy for some reason.

“Then what _do_ you suggest?”

“We could… go get some food in the 1994 prison world, I guess.”

“I thought we were stuck here.”

“Not exactly. As you pointed out last night, I am the Gemini leader, which basically makes me head of all prison worlds. Now I can’t leave without an actual key, no one can, but I can still travel from one cell to another.”

            I fold my arms, waiting for the catch; I mean, if it were that easy, we would be there already, right? The witch doesn’t go further in the details and his uneasiness makes me even more uncomfortable.

“You can really go through to 1994?” He nods, once. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s leave this place.”

“Andy,” he says firmly, “we’re only going there to get some food. However much you end up liking ‘94, we’re not staying.” I tilt my head with indignation but don’t have time to speak. “I’m serious. We get the food and we get out.”

 

*****

 

            The flash of blinding light fades and we find ourselves in the exact same spot. Except this living room looks way more modern and more similar to the one I know – though it’s not entirely the same. I can’t hear the wind howling outside and I can’t see any snow falling throughout the windows; only a welcoming ray of sunshine that already makes me feel better. We did it. I turn to face Kai and my relieved grin fades; the witch is unhappily frowning. What’s wrong?

“Alright, let’s go,” he mutters before heading straight to the door.

            Outside the house, Damon’s blue convertible is parked and it’s a real pleasure to drive around Mystic Falls on this sunny Spring day and feel the brisk; at least, it is a pleasure for me. The witch looks very unhappy and won’t say a word; I don’t even know whether I should start making inquiries about what’s wrong with him. I mean, I usually would, but given that I don’t actually care about what bothers him… He parks outside the supermarket in a hasty skid and makes for the entrance. I follow after him and decide to make this a little more cheerful. I’m seriously in no haste to go back to cold and wintery 1903.

“So, what’s the plan? Shouldn’t we make a grocery list first?”

“Here’s the plan: you grab a basket, then you grab food, and we get out of here as soon as possible,” he says, handing me a basket and heading to the first alley.

“Can’t we just slow down?”

“Nope.”

“I mean, where’s the rush? We don’t have anywhere we actually need to be and it’s gonna be like that for at least a couple days. You should chill–”

“I’ve been locked in this place for eighteen. years,” he snaps at me, “I’m not spending one second here beyond what’s absolutely necessary. So we get food and then we leave.”

            I look away at the reprimand and follow. Of course, he would hate coming back here; I should have thought of that. I exhale and begin grabbing the articles I usually use when I cook. When I walk passed the clothing section, I slow down and tilt my head. We _are_ going back to a time when women would wear elegant, unpractical dresses; I am so not in the mood for that. I look around for pieces that I would wear back in 2013 – or something similar – giving priority to light, plain sweaters that I can layer up. I also take more than my fair share of thick socks and leggings to wear under my Jeans. I shall not be a victim of cold weather.

“What are you doing?”

            My head whips around. Kai is watching and the fact that he’s not mischievously smiling or even giving me a playful wink does unsettle me. I’ve never seen that guy go this long without cracking a joke; seeing him like this keeps reminding me how bad the situation is. Can’t he just give me a break from this mess?

“Since we’re going back to Antarctica, we might as well be prepared for it.”

            He stares at me and distractedly nods; I roll my eyes, fill my basket and hand it to him. Then I head to the men’s section and begin piling up plain shirts and sweaters, mostly black, white, grey and dark blue, and well-cut Jeans onto the basket.

“I can choose my own clothes, thank you very much.”

“As you pointed out,” I say, not even looking up from my task, “you spent eighteen years in 1994. _Eighteen_. Now despite your newly-acquired tastes, you definitely cannot be trusted with that.”

No reaction. Oh, come on; I was being funny. No? “You can go choose your underwear, though; I’m not taking care of that.”

            I glance over at him. Nothing; not even a smirk or a joke. I sigh and keep piling up clothes. He only steps away for a minute and silently comes back with said underwear. I don’t even have the strength left for another attempt at cheering him up. Looks like our time here is going to be a blast.


	23. Chapter 23

Twenty-three

 

I can’t sleep. I keep tossing in bed until I find a better position to sleep in, but then I start tossing again, and again. It’s like it’s never gonna end. While I lie in bed, I can’t help but go over the current situation once more.  We’ve been here for three days. Three. flipping. days. No one has come yet but Liv is certainly starting to ask around about me. I need to hold on to that thought and be patient; otherwise, I seriously fear I could go crazy real fast.

In 1903, things seem frozen – in every sense of the term – like nothing is ever gonna happen. I never realized how long hours and even minutes are when you don’t actually have anything to do, anywhere to go, anyone to talk to. The same old snow is falling all day every day and all night every night. It’s like being stuck in somebody else’s house during a snow day. We don’t get a lot of those in Virginia but I am used to having them in Vermont. Back when I was in high school, it was kinda cool: I would snuggle with a hot coco and a book, or bake cookies and watch a movie, and cook dinner with my family, but now it feels like this endless storm and I could hit my head against the walls in exchange for something to do. Anything.

I know that all I have to do is sit and wait before someone – either my friends or, worst case scenario, my family – come and get us out of here but I can’t help being restless. I’ve taken a tour of the Salvatore library in order to keep myself busy, piled up a few books in their first edition, and started reading. And reading. And reading. Now I love reading, hence the studies, but as much as I would like to see this as a nice winter break, I can’t help but feel it is forced; and I hate when I’m forced to do things.

And then there is Kai Parker. He hasn’t been annoying, not in the strict sense of it. It’s just that being stuck in this prison world must be really hard on him and I get that, I do, but now the only other person here with me, the only one I could talk to or share a light joke with, just to think about something else than the endless hours of waiting ahead of us, is inconveniently unavailable. As in not in the mood.

Since I rise early, I have taken the habit of making breakfast. Then, I spend the morning reading – I know, shocker – and when he gets up, no matter how hard I try to get passed the bare civilities, he just won’t collaborate. And that is annoying. Which makes me realize how desperate I am for any sort of human interaction, any way to break the silence. I don’t even ask for much, I just wish I could get a full sentence when I comment on the weather.

He’ll make lunch though; without complaining or seeking out praise – that would require talking – then he’ll grab a book too or stare at the fire for hours, frowning; until I ask what’s up for dinner and we end up fixing quick sandwiches or something. Then it’s back to our rooms for the night; rinse, repeat. It’s like I’m living with a ghost.

I turn to the other side once more and catch the light filtering beneath my door. The wooden floor in the corridor creaks as my current housemate leaves his room. He does that every night; he’ll just leave his room at any hour, be gone for a certain amount of time and come back up a couple hours later. I know he’s not going down to eat – I did check the stocks when that happened for the first time – so I have no idea why he’s up all night. I can’t help but wonder whether he’s secretly working on a way out or something; like a loophole if the others do refuse that he shares my ride back.

I exhale and push the blankets away. I’m a bloody Lightbringer, I might as well keep my witch in check. I put on the warm robe I found in a wardrobe and silently go downstairs. I spot him sitting on the floor before the chimney and I stop to assess. And nothing happens. Is he going to move at some point?

I watch him for some time; his back bent and his arms around his knees. He just keeps staring at that fire and for the first time, I actually wonder how he must be feeling right now. I’ve been here for three days and the only thing keeping me sane is knowing that I won’t be here for long. Now Kai has been in that sort of prison before; for eighteen _years_. And the worst part is that he’s not even sure he’s going to make it back to present world. Because, let’s face it: that guy is a murderer; and despite all the changes he might have been through since the merge, despite the fact that without his ability to go to 1994 and his willingness to let me share the ride, I’d be starving… I’m not even sure who I’ll be siding with when the time comes. I mean, he _deserves_ to be here, however hard and terrifying being here is.

After some time, I go back to my room and try to stop thinking about all this. It takes long but I finally fall asleep.

 

*********

 

“We’re gonna have to go back to 1994,” I finally announce with a wince.

            The witch lowers his book, arching a brow at me, but I can see how his grip on his spoon tightens. He distractedly stirs his coffee, probably to cool down, before asking easily, “Why would we need to go back?”

“We’re out of milk; and eggs. And we’re running low on orange juice, bread–”

“Alright, I get it,” he cuts me off with a difficult nod. “We need groceries. We’ll go.”

“Really?” That was awfully easy. I didn’t even have to battle for my own survival. But then, arguing would require talking, so…

“Sure,” he says lightly, going back to his reading as if everything were fine. “We need food so we’ll go.”

“Okay,” I say, sitting back across from him and starting to jolt down a couple words on a phone note – never suspected that device could go on for so many days when you don’t use the apps or anything, “So, eggs, milk, juice, bread… hey, how do you feel about soup? Winter is, like, perfect season for soup.”

“Sure,” he answers, not even looking up.

“Do you have any favorite?”

“Nope.”

“Hey,” I say, snatching the book and earning an angry look as I do so, “I get that you’re having a very crappy week but I’m in this with you, okay? So stop brooding around and start participating a bit more.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he snaps back, “I didn’t realize the grocery list was a topic you were ready to _discuss_ with me. I guess I’m not used to that, coming from you.”

            I open my mouth but say nothing, shooting him a look. Fair point. But I’m not gonna go along with this no-talking strategy. Whether I like it or not, the witch is the only person I can socialize with here and I simply won’t let him take that from me too.

“Look, I’m not saying that we have to be friends, okay? All I’m saying is: we’re gonna be stuck here for a little while; the two of us. You and me. We can’t just be at each other’s throats the whole time, it’s not healthy. I’m ready to look past your questionable morals and behavior in order to–”

“How noble of you, Andy,” he says with sarcasm and I chew on my lip. Not the best way to get him to agree with me on that; got it.

“Look, we share a house and there’s nowhere to go; no one else here to rely on. We need to stick together; _I_ need to stick with you.”

            He arches a doubtful brow and I continue, “Yes, I do. I can’t travel though prison worlds, which means I need your help and cooperation if I want to eat. I’m not too proud to acknowledge that I won’t last long here without you, okay? I know that, and I’m actually grateful that I didn’t end up here on my own. You’ve been alone before so I guess you know better than me how terrible and lonely it must get. I don’t wanna live with a stranger and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be alone either, otherwise you would have left me here to dry already, or you would have stabbed me in my sleep; so if  my presence can make it a little bit easier for you in exchange for the grocery trips, I’ll take it. Cause this is how we’re gonna keep it together and make it out of here; not by isolating ourselves but by helping each other out.”  

            I hold his stare until my point sinks in; he eventually nods and snatches his book back. A weight settles in my chest as I watch him go back to his reading, and I want to scream. Just last week, I was nearly begging him to shut up because the very fact that he gets to talk or joke or live or even breathe is unfair. And now that I have been spending days and nights in solitary confinement, now that I _dream_ of simply saying hi to someone or asking a stranger what time it is, now that I would actually not mind a joke or anything that could make me laugh or smile for the shortest second, he just won’t give me that. I mean, does my guardian angel pay him to make me miserable or is it something he does for his own leisure? Probably a bit of both.

            I exhale and silently add a couple more vegetables to my list; we don’t have a freezer but we have an unlimited amount of snow right outside the house.

“Tomato soup is fine,” he says after a while.

            I look up; he seems very focused on his book but I get a sense that this is progress. He is making an effort; and yet I want to cry.

 

*****

 

“Tell me again why you need those?”

            I look up to see Kai casually leaning against the doorframe, eating an apple. He looks better now but I can tell it’s hard for him to be here. As planned, we went grocery shopping today and I tried to be practical and fast about the list. I could see him look around rather nervously when we got to the supermarket, and he was extremely pale when we stepped outside; his forehead was all sweaty and he actually needed to stop and breathe for a minute before we could go on. I did worry about him having a panic attack or something but it didn’t last, which was a relief because I don’t know how to handle this kind of stuff.

            We were on our way back to the Salvatores’ – which is obviously the better place to jump worlds from, since we don’t have a car in 1903 – when I realized I should take advantage of being here to grab a couple more stuff. My witch sighed at my request but he did drive me to a fancy neighborhood in Mystic Falls and we entered a house, which felt incredibly wrong and weird. I left him downstairs to raid the fridge or whatever while I headed to a woman’s room and started looking around in her closet.

“I need sportswear; and snow boots,” I tell him, lying warm jogger pants on the thick winter jacket I have found.

“I gathered,” he says, nodding at the clothes on the bed, “Doesn’t answer to why, though.”

“I’ll need those to train.”

“You don’t need to train. There are no witches around for you to stalk; or kill.”

“But when we get back to real life, I’ll need to resume training anyway so I might as well not stop.”

            His brow lifts skeptically, and since this is the longest conversation I’ve had in days, I honestly don’t mind explaining.  “It’s not just about witches, I’m actually used to my hour of jogging and practicing combat before first lights. It’s how I start my day and I like it; it makes me feel good. Now we haven’t stepped outside the house for _days_ and I really miss it. I need it, I need the sports. And if I can’t have it, then I’m gonna get very cranky and you do not wanna have to deal with me when I’m cranky.”

“Huh,” he says, before taking another bite, “I thought cranky was your mood by default.”

“Very funny.”

            He chuckles and I swallow. Is it this pathetic and wrong that I find so much courage in this simple exchange? Absolutely, but at this point, I don’t care. I honestly don’t feel like thinking about how much I despise that guy and how I should not find comfort in anything related to him; all that matters right now is that for a moment, just a moment, I was not trapped in a wide, empty world;  I was just a person sharing a moment of lightness with another person. And I’m reaching the point where I don’t bloody care who that person is, I’ll just take that breath of fresh air any day of the week.

            Besides, the Gemini’s mood seems to be a good way to tell how things look. The way I see it is: if Kai Parker goes back to telling jokes – however funny – instead of brooding, it means he’s not afraid or hopeless; it means there _is_ a chance of us getting out of here at some point and he is acknowledging it. And it helps. Because no matter how many times I tell myself ‘they’re gonna come’ and ‘it won’t be long now’, there is this insidious, terrifying idea that so many things could go wrong and I could actually stay trapped here for a long time. Maybe forev– Do _not_ go down that road, Andy. Someone is going to come and you’ll get out. You just need to hold until then.

 

            That night, we actually _talk_ during dinner. Not about deep issues by any means, we’re not that close or anything, but we do end up discussing the books that we’re currently reading – I don’t even comment on the fact that he’s been reading _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ , I mean… – and what we could cook for the next day and it feels nice to actually be able to think about something other than my loneliness just for a moment. And though I try my best _not_ to feel grateful for that, this slightest change does help. And I hate that I don’t hate it.

            And when, later, I see lights beneath my door and hear him go downstairs, I grab my robe and head after him. Once more, he is sitting before the fireplace but I don’t stay behind so he won’t hear me; I step forward and walk up to him. When the witch senses my presence, he turns his face away and quickly wipes his eyes. That’s how I understand he’s been crying and I can’t help but wonder if this has been going on every night since we got here, I even wonder whether it’s been happening before we ended up in 1903. My inner me twitches, processing this new information, adding it to my database; this is so at odds with what I know of him that the Lightbringer inside wants to know more. I stand for a while, chewing on my lip, as I try to come up with something to say – maybe something nice? Ewe! – without making it sound like an interrogation, but he beats me to it.

“What are you doing here?”

            I almost pretend I came down for water and saw him but I go for blunt honesty.

“I heard you go downstairs, I was wondering if you were okay.”

“Doing great,” he whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

            He won’t look at me though and I don’t want to intrude by any means but I also feel like it would be cruel to leave him by himself now that I know he’s been crying. So I sit down on the floor as well, my back against the sofa. I’m not exactly next to him, rather a few steps behind him; I’m sure he’ll prefer to have his space and I don’t want to sit next to him anyway. I see him glance at me from the corner of his eye and swallow, but I pretend I don’t see the tears and I stare at the fire.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh… I think I’m gonna keep you company for a little while, if that’s okay. I’ll go if you ask me to.”

            Silence answers my words. He goes back to staring at the fire and I stay put, assessing my damaged witch.


	24. Chapter 24

Twenty-four

 

            I inhale deeply and can’t help a wide smile spread on my lips. _God_ , it feels good. I’m not gonna lie, it was difficult to jog properly in that snow but then, I was born and raised in Vermont: snow is like my playground. I’ve been out for nearly an hour and it’s the first time this world’s outdoor hasn’t been freaking me out. I know it’s gonna start snowing like hell a couple hours from now, because that’s what happens every single day, and the winds are gonna start howling and I certainly won’t be into stepping outside before tomorrow, but right now, the air is clear, the sky is this beautiful vivid blue and it’s a bright sunny morning. Best day _ever_ in 1903 so far.

            I know my cheeks and my ears are pink with cold as I walk my way back but it’s nowhere near the utter despair I felt that first day; this is good cold. I close the door behind me and take off ski jacket and boots right there so it won’t dirt the whole house. I secure my ponytail more tightly while heading to the kitchen, happy to continue my day with the wholesome breakfast I have in mind.

“Good morning,” I grin to my witch as I enter the kitchen.

            I take it from his sleepy face that he hasn’t been up for long – that, and the fact that he’s still waiting for water to boil in that pot for his first coffee. I take out everything I need from the old wooden cabinets and I can still feel all that energy deliciously buzzing in my body. Usually, Tina and I would put on some music in the morning and sing along and dance but as I don’t necessarily want to make a spectacle of myself, I just repress the urge and sing a tune in my head. It can wait until I’m in my room – I’ll have to remember to grab a Walkman during our next trip to 1994 though.

“Someone’s in a good mood.”

            I look up and genuinely smile. ‘Yes!’ I want to shout. ‘Sports _is_ the answer to everything.’ I hold back though, because I don’t want to be branded crazy by my only company here, and simply answer, “Yeah, I went jogging this morning and I was able to train; I feel great.”

            He tilts his head, the beginning of a smile tugging at his lips, and I go back to preparing breakfast. “You could give it a try, you know,” I say as we settle down at the table with the plates.

“Hunter training? I think I’ll pass.”

“I mean sports,” I precise, digging in my omelet, “You’re staying inside all day and you never see the light. It could be good for you to get out there and exercise.”

“Thank you, for worrying about my health; I’ll get back into exercising when we leave this place and I can go back to my workout center.”

“You have membership to a workout center?” I mock.

“How do you think I keep this irresistible body of mine in shape?” He gives me a playful wink and I snort, somehow glad to have to put up with his jokes again.

“Suit yourself.” I shrug. “You _are_ missing out, though. It’s not even that cold in the morning.”

“Well, I’m definitely not waking up in the middle of the night to exercise in the woods.”

            I roll my eyes and chuckle, “You need to stop letting Luke speak for you.”

            He instantly looks up and loses his smile, and for a second I don’t even know why. Until I see him search my gaze for something and he asks, “Why would you say that?”

            I open my mouth and need another breath in order to answer, “I– It’s just that he really disliked having to wake up so early for training, so…” I trail off, kind of regretting I brought him up since I obviously killed the mood. Dude, I was _actually_ feeling good.

“You used to train my brother?”

“Yeah, well, I… tried to.” I pause. “He didn’t want to but I didn’t really leave him a choice; he was surrounded with vampires all the time and he couldn’t even defend himself if someone found a way to block his magic, so… yeah.”

            Why am I the one being extra-cautious here? I’m the one who’s lost a loved one, not the other way around. But then, every time I find myself in the position of being insensitive, I remember the sight of him crying by the fireplace that night. For some reason, it stirred something in me. Not that I would be ready to forgive and forget or that kind of crap, never; but seeing a grown man cry is not something I am used to.

            Very seldom have I seen my dad or Jared cry, but then, Alice and I rarely cry as well. The only occasions I can think of are the death of a loved-one or a very bad injury. Now I don’t know Kai Parker very well, but the witch devoid of any sort of emotion that nearly killed me multiple times has little to do with the man I caught weeping like a child several nights ago.

            And as we now share a living space, I know I have been taking this shift in consideration when addressing him. I’m not being less harsh only for the sake of maintaining peace in the house; however much I dislike him, I can’t bring myself to add more reproach to his pile of remorse anymore. I guess I’m just not one to kick a wounded man after all. Pity.

“Huh,” he says, slightly frowning. “You never offered to train _me_.” I shake my head and can’t help a smirk; I think we’ve moved on to a more secure ground. “Since, you know, I _am_ surrounded with vampires and I actually have the responsibility of staying alive ‘cause my entire coven depends on it.”

“You are way too powerful to be trained. You definitely don’t need to learn how to fight.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks, half-laughing.

“It means that with that bloody Mirror Forces spell of yours, _I_ definitely don’t need you to learn how to fight.”

“You’re afraid I could best you?”

“ _Please_ , you could never best me.”

“Then why not train me?”

“Because you won’t wake up for it.”

            We hold gaze, almost smiling, and for the first time I have a taste of what it feels like to be innocently bickering with him; without animosity, I mean. Not that I actually enjoy it, but it definitely stirs something. It reminds me of how I used to squabble with Luke; our sarcastic retorts used to flow so easily, and some of our funniest moments were when Liv would join in. This conversation is the closest thing I’ve had to joking around with a Parker ever since the merge, and I hate to admit it feels good.

 

*********

 

“Good news is: it shouldn’t take long.”

            The witch lowers his book and squints at me.

“I’m getting a sense that there is a bad news incoming.”

            I sway on my feet and finally wince. “We need to do a laundry.”

“Of course we do,” he sighs, looking at the ceiling. We went grocery shopping yesterday, and he hated every second of it.

“Hey, we don’t have to stay long,” I say, sitting down on the sofa next to him, “We get in, load the washer and leave real quick. I set a timer and we go back and grab the clothes once it’s done. Easy.”

            Kai runs a hand through his dark hair, obviously uneasy about this. He probably wasn’t expecting another trip to 1994 until several days. The witch finally agrees to it and I run upstairs for my clothes before he changes his mind, adding that we’re leaving in five.

            Once in 1994, we try the Salvatore washer first but since it won’t work for some reason, we leave for the house I raided on our last visit. I take care of our clothes and join Kai in the living room; he’s looking throughout the window and I can’t help but share his impatience to leave. I guess I did find a way to empathize with my only company in this world. Great.

“So,” I say, looking up from my watch, “I’m setting the timer; it won’t take long until– Oh, my God! Is that a Sega Genesis!”

            I can almost picture how my entire face lights up at the sight of it. I literally run over to the television set and behold the antic console with admiration. I look up at the witch, still standing over there, and I know I must look like some crazy person right now but I legitimately feel like a five-year-old on a Christmas morning. A ray of sunshine in our prison-world routine.

“You know Sega Genesis?” he arches a brow, stepping closer.

“Are you kidding? This thing literally _is_ my childhood,” I grin and I can’t resist turning the TV and the console on, singing the signature ‘ _Sega_ ’ along with the screen, and I giggle like a child.

“Oh, my God!” I repeat, literally incapable of not beaming, “This is _so_ awesome! And it looks brand new. Oh and look! They have _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_! That was my favorite! We’re totally playing.”

“It’s a children’s game,” the witch doubtfully puts in, but I wave the objection aside.

“Do I look like I care?” I say, pointing at my grin.

“You look like a madwoman,” he answers, sitting down next to me.

“I don’t care; we’re playing. And I’m _so_ crushing you, Parker. You seriously have no idea what’s coming for you. Here, take controller number one, you’ll play Sonic.”

“Wait, you don’t wanna play Sonic?”

“I’m more used to playing Tails,” I answer, knowing damn well he’s more making fun of me than being actually skeptical, but I don’t care, “Alice would always wanna play Sonic because he’s the leader, obviously, and I got used to watching the bottom screen. Just– Play Sonic.”

“You’d play with Alice?”

“Yeah,” I say, letting the race fully absorb my attention, “She would always win, though. Oh my God, look! It’s the first map! The music is like _exactly_ the same and– Aww, those cute animals that we must free from Dr Robotnik! This is amazing.”

            The witch falls silent as I keep rambling about this thing and that map and that cheat code to unlock Golden Sonic. I think I’m starting to understand now why he is that guy that won’t shut up: being here with no one – or next to no one – to talk to does mess with your mind, and the only way to break this oppressing, endless silence is by talking, even when it’s a monologue.

            I win four times in a row and agree to change games so he won’t lose interest. We’re now racing cars on a game I’ve never played before – fair play and all.

“So you guys spent some time on that thing,” he comments after a long moment of silent focus on both parts. That would explain why I keep winning.

“Yeah, I mean we were kind of obsessed with it when we got it. We’d sneak out to the living room to play at night and dad actually had to hide it from us a couple times.”

“Dad,” he repeats, tilting his head, “Wait– Alice is your sister?”

“Uh… yeah. Never mentioned that?” I slightly frown.

“No; never.”

“Huh. Well, she is. First to be born, first to everything else.”

            I inhale, trying not to let the memories surge, because if I do, I’m gonna start thinking about how bad I miss her, and my dad and also my mom and Jared, and pretty much everybody from the real world. I can sense the witch’s eyes on me though, so I focus even more on the screen.

“Was she a terrible big sister?”

“Uh… no. She was great– I mean, she _is_ – Great. She was just– Sometimes it was hard being the younger one around her. She was always the fastest, strongest, smartest… perfect for leadership.”

“Would _you_ have been good at leadership?”

“I don’t think so,” I slightly frown. “I was never meant to become leader anyway; I always knew Alice would be first ‘cause she always is, so… I mean, she’s a great leader; she only tends to listen a bit too much to the elders instead of making her own decisions but– No, I mean, she’s great.”

            Silence meets my words and I chew on my lip, somehow lost between the race playing on the screen and my own thoughts. “I’m actually glad my dad never named _me_ leader after he retired,” I suddenly realize, “I mean, it would have been fun not being second after Alice for once but– I’m not that much into watching witches, to be honest; I’d like to actually have a life of my own at some point, so…” I shrug and go back to the game. He doesn’t comment, lost in thoughts, and silence fills the room as we give the race our full attention. I only squint and cock my head when the witch wins for the fifth time around.

“Alright; moving on to another game,” I decide.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he mocks, placing his hand around his ear, “Was that ‘I’m gonna crush you, Parker’?”

“My controller is slow,” I grit.

“By all means,” he chuckles, “have mine. We’ll see what you can do.”

            I squint some more and literally give everything into this new fighting game but when he does beat me again, I set the controller aside and hug my knees, squinting.

“Oh my God, you’re such a sore loser,” he laughs and the tears in his eyes make me want to strangle him with the controller wire.

“I am not,” I spit indignantly but he won’t stop laughing.

            Mercifully, my watch starts beeping and I keep my chin high as I get up as honorably as I can. “The dryer is done; let’s go.”

 

*******

 

“I didn’t see you last night.”

            I look up from my pancakes and tilt my head; the witch sitting across from me does try to look like it doesn’t matter but I can see from the way he runs a hand at the back of his head that this makes him uneasy – and Kai Parker isn’t one to bring up something that makes him uneasy.

“Yeah, I… fell asleep; I didn’t hear you come down.”

            He shrugs but I know there is more to it. I have been joining him downstairs for over a week now; we don’t even speak, we just sit there and wait for him to feel better. I mean, I kinda hate that I have been keeping him company, but at the same time, when I stare at the fire long enough, I only get a peek of his Light in the corner of my eye and it looks so much like Luke’s that I can almost imagine _he_ is the one sitting with me. I get to imagine so many conversations with him, and though my heart aches whenever I remember he’s not actually here, I just can’t convince myself to give up these moments of bliss.

It usually doesn’t take more than an hour before we head back to our rooms. I never thought my presence would change anything, though; I kinda thought he was enduring it politely while _I_ was the one actually getting something out of it.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he says lightly, “There was not much going on anyway.”

“You know… If you want company next time you go downstairs, you can knock on my door.”

“It’s fine,” he says as easily as possible, shaking his head, and I definitely start feeling like a jerk.


	25. Chapter 25

Twenty-five

 

“Go to bed, Andy.”

“I’m awake,” I say as my head jerks up

Thanks to the look he gives me, I understand I’m not fooling anyone. Have I been dozing off for long? I clear my throat and sit up straighter, firmly settling my eyes on the flames. The witch sits next to me now, our backs against the sofa – maybe one day we’ll decide to sit _on_ the sofa. He hasn’t taken the habit of waking me when he goes downstairs, so now I basically keep watch until it’s time to get up. I know it comes across as caring, but there is this implicit rule, now that we’re stuck here, to basically look out for your only cellmate; just enough for them not to hang themselves while you sleep, that is.

He scratches the back of his head and adds, “Seriously, go back to sleep.”

“No, I’m good; I can wait.”

“Wait for what?”

“For you to– feel better,” I venture with a slight frown. “Isn’t what we usually wait for?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then… what do we wait for?”

The witch sighs. “I guess we wait for me to be too tired to stay here, but there’s no actual… feeling better.”

            His voice is a whisper and I see him swallow hard while looking back at the fire. He looks exhausted, I’m starting to wonder whether he even gets any sleep after going back to his bedroom every night. He couldn’t… actually die of exhaustion, right?

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He snorts. “Do I need to remind you that you don’t actually care?”

            I can’t help nodding in agreement. Fair point. On the other hand, we’ve been stuck here for weeks now; don’t I get to know why we watch the fire for so long after bedtime, considering that we can actually do that during the day? I don’t really know what to do here. Usually, Luke and Liv would find a way to tell me what’s going on or at least give me a clue so I can understand. With their brother however, I feel kind of useless. But then, his feeling better is not my responsibility so I guess I can let him deal with his crap.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he whispers to the fire, “what I’m supposed to be…”

            His chin shakes, as if he were about to cry, and he clenches his jaw.

“So you basically expect this fire to solution your existential crisis?”

            He has this sad, weary snort that I instantly hate. He rubs his eyes, wiping tears away and sniffing.

“I just… stare at it until there’s nothing else to think about. Being trapped doesn’t allow a lot of distractions; it makes the nightmares even worse.”

            I chew on that for a moment.

“You’ve been having nightmares?” Like, does he go to sleep and come down whenever he has one? Cause… he’s been doing that literally every night. Dude, I’d throw myself out of a window. Please, don’t have this idea.

“About that night,” he whispers, still absorbed by the fire. “I keep reliving it, over and over again, and I always… I can’t _stop_ it.”

            He closes his eyes, exhausted, and I remain silent. I’m pretty sure he’s talking about the night he killed most part of his family. The younger twins never elaborated on that; they mentioned once that their dad had erased any memory of that night, and of Kai. It was probably too difficult to live with. I see a tear at the corner of his eye and I can’t help but frown. Does he really feel that bad about it? How weird. I remember how he used to own this careless side of himself, how he would find murder attempts basically amusing. Who are you and what did you do with my emotionless killer? I guess Luke’s empathy has been working wonders.

“I’m guessing that remembering it now is more difficult. Now that you have feelings, I mean.”

He snorts bitterly. “You say that like I never had feelings before.”

“Well, no offense but… isn’t that the whole point? Of being a– sociopath, I mean.”

            Dangerous territory, Andy. He opens his mouth but catches himself before talking; he rubs his weary eyes and shakes his head.

“You’re right.” He shakes his head again, seeing things in that fire that I can’t begin to imagine. “I just– It also brings back a whole lot of things I was better off not remembering; not _feeling_.”

“Like what?”

            He exhales painfully and keeps his eyes shut, saying nothing for a while.

“My family. My parents. The whole no-touching-Kai thing.”

“What was that about?”

            He wipes a tear and keeps silent for a long moment. I shouldn’t be asking; this is obviously too painful to him. But then, how on earth can this be happening? How can I be sitting next to Malachai Parker, crying about the family that he cold-bloodedly murdered eighteen years ago? This is beyond me.

“I’m a siphoner,” he finally says bitterly, “I was born without the ability to produce my own magic and I can only absorb it from others.”

            I nod; I know that. Even now that he’s head of the Gemini coven, his powers result of the merge with Luke and the complement he got from Jo.

“We found out very late what I was; Jo and I were always together when we were kids. We were always holding hands and playing around; my mom was always after us for a hug and even my dad was affectionate, you know. I always had magic at my disposal, so we didn’t realize…”

            He lowers his head and holds his knees tighter against his chest, his chin shaking.

“I way eight when they did. They– completely freaked out and that’s when all the shunning began. I mean, you find out that your eldest son, possibly the one who will be in charge of your coven someday, is not even able to possess his own magic, that’s embarrassing.”

            His voice is bitter, but you can hear the wound beneath it, and I sense a lump forming in my throat. I don’t really know Joshua Parker, nor his wife, but I’m not sure shunning an eight-year-old for his lack of magic is a good parenting thing to do.  

“And just like that, I became the black sheep; the defective twin that nobody wanted. I didn’t even understand why they were being so harsh, at first. I mean, Jo and I had always shared magic, it was normal to us; we didn’t…” He sniffs and closes his eyes. “And then, all of a sudden, I’m not part of our family anymore. I’m there, little eight-year-old-me and I’m not allowed to touch anyone. No squabbling with Jo, no holding my dad’s hand on our way to school, no kissing my mom goodnight. She wouldn’t even look at me, she–” I watch tears pour from his closed eyes and there is nothing I can say to that. “She said I was an abomination.”

            Somehow, I don’t even need to wonder whether any of this can be true. When I got back to campus after Thanksgiving, Luke told me his dad had attempted to kill Jo when he heard there was a chance Kai might come out of his prison and merge with her. His own daughter. That’s all the grain of salt I need.

My chest tightens, as I can’t help but imagine a blue-eyed little boy crying himself to sleep because his parents won’t hug him. Like, he had a normal family and then, because of what he was, they started refusing him any tenderness. I try to imagine that for myself for a second; I try to picture my mom or my dad denying me a comforting kiss when I would scratch my knee or have a nightmare. I mean, this is basic human touch. I can’t even picture Alice denying me her bed when I was afraid of the dark. This is so cruel. What kind of parents do that to their son?

“I wasn’t thinking straight,” he whispers. “I knew it was a mistake but I did it anyway… I just– I needed the pain to stop; that’s why I did it.”

I look up at him and glare through my tears.

“That’s why you killed them?” I mean, I’m trying very hard not to judge and keep an open mind but I know my mind is already made up about this; though I don’t know the whole story, whatever crap might have happened, I’m definitely standing with my two friends – who were _four_ when this lunatic chased them around the house with a baseball bat. How’s that for cruelty? No crappy childhood excuses that.

The witch turns his face to me and I swallow hard I as try to keep in mind that these eyes full of tears and pain are the ones of a killer.

“No; that’s why I suppressed my feelings.”

 

 

 

Shock overtakes my face as I try to register the information. Wh– What?

“But… you don’t _have_ feelings.” Hence the word ‘sociopath’, right? “I mean, you didn’t– You have Luke’s empathy now but you don’t–” I mean, you know. Right?

“I thought it was just that. But my own feelings have been coming back too and I…” He closes his eyes, letting two more tears drop. “I should _never_ have suppressed them.”

“But what do you mean, you ‘suppressed’ your feelings? It’s not like you’re a vampire who can turn it off.”

He shakes his head, trying to find the words and I listen intently, very unsure about all this, but then he shakes his head again.

“You wouldn’t believe me. No one would.”

“Parker,” I spit. He shall not leave me hanging after dropping that kind of bomb.

“I used a spell. It was supposed to put my feelings away temporarily, it was not supposed to–”

            He closes his eyes again and purses his lips, trying very hard not to cry. I stare for the longest time, not realizing right away that my mouth fell open.

“I don’t understand,” I say, trying to make sense of the witch’s words and tears. What the hell is he talking about? He doesn’t speak for a long time, but I can’t let him stop here. He started talking, now he needs to give me the entire story. “What the hell happened?” I articulate in a low voice.

“I just needed some peace and quiet,” he whispers, his eyes still closed. “No one was supposed to get hurt, but I– I did this to us; this is all my fault.”

            I open my mouth, close it when no word will come out. Wow. Wait. What? No. _What?_ I did not hear that right.

“But you–” I close my mouth, trying to gather my knowledge and order my thoughts. “You _wanted_ to be leader, that’s why you went after–”

“I wanted to be part of my family,” he cuts me off bitterly, now glaring at the fire. It’s like I don’t exist and he’s having this conversation with himself, or with the fireplace. His weary mind must have been going through this over and over again. “Merging with Jo was the only way for me to be part of the coven. I wanted to be a good leader.” He has this delusional smile, as if he were saying that to an old version of himself. “And I would have been the best they’d ever seen, just to spite them; to prove them wrong.”

“You’re saying you didn’t _want_ to kill them?” I finally ask, just to make sure I’m following.

“They were my family,” he says, turning a slight frown to me as if I’d asked a silly question.  “I was a good person,” he reminds the fire, tears clouding his eyes, “I was a normal guy. And I ruined everything.”

            Shock. Utter shock takes over me. What is this? What does this mean? I can’t help remembering our previous fights, how detached and cruel he could be, how psychotically deranged and evil he always was. Is he saying that none of this was true?

“I don’t understand,” I repeat to myself.

            My witch sniffs, remaining silent for a moment, before saying in a low, shaky voice, “I was… arguing with my mom that night. That’s just what it was, an argument. My dad wasn’t there to regulate us and we said the worst things to each other. I wanted to break her heart, just like she’d broken mine; I wanted her to care, but I would _never_ have laid a hand on her, on any of them…” He trails off, coming short of words, and closes his eyes again, allowing more tears to roll down his cheeks. “It was supposed to be safe.”

“You mean the spell suppressing your feelings was supposed to be safe?” At my skeptical tone, the witch turns his face to me, but lowers his gaze almost instantly. Shame. And guilt.

“I’d been using it for years, I– It was the only way I could get through it all. I mean, it was not ideal: it would only act for about a day, and then all the strong, negative feelings would rush back first and it would take an entire hour to settle down, and I was… horrible to anyone during that hour; I’d say horrible things to my parents and to Jo, and I hated myself for it afterwards, but it was the only way not to feel the pain, it was the only not to feel _anything_ for an entire day, so…” He trails off, shrugging painfully and sniffing, and right now he looks like a powerless child who knows he didn’t do the right thing, but who genuinely didn’t have the answer.

            He goes back to staring at the fire and I don’t say anything, processing the news. Like, he was not even mean? But… I mean… Wow. No. No way.

“If I’d been stronger, none of this would have happened. They would all be alive.”

“But… I don’t get it. If your spell wasn’t supposed to last, then how come you…” I trail off, trying to find the words. How come you became what you became?

“That’s the thing. The spell didn’t work like it was supposed to. Instead of letting me be for a day, it worked for less than an hour, and then… all the anger and resentment and rage that I had _ever_ felt, it all came rushing back and it just… locked. I didn’t care for anyone anymore, I would have hurt anyone who would so much as piss me. I– I had no control.”

“You’re saying you didn’t do this?” I say rather coldly.

“No, I– I _remember_ doing it; every awful second of it. But there was no emotion inside _then_ , nothing to stop me from– I mean, my little brothers and sisters… They never did anything to me; I loved them _so_ much… They were so young and I… I _did_ this to us. I ruined everything.”

            Whoa. Deep breaths. This is not– not something I was prepared for.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real,” he whispers, absent-mindedly watching the fire as if he weren’t really here. “Sometimes I wake up, and for a second, it’s like it never happened. Like I didn’t cast the spell and I didn’t hurt them, and they’re all here and they’re fine, and it was all just a terrible, terrible nightmare. But then I remember it did happen; they’re all gone, and there’s no way to go back.”

            A part of me wants to deny all that I just heard. How can this be true? How can this be _right_? This entire story is so sick and twisted, how can I decently believe it? I mean, I _do_ believe it, but how can I accept it as the truth? I let him stare at the flames, seeing things that I can’t see; he looks so tormented, it’s almost like saying the words made him realize once more that it _did_ happen. After all these years, his emotions have come back and he finally gets the horror of what happened, and not only did his family die, but he’s responsible for it.

“You were still under that spell when you merged with Luke,” I state, needing to make this clear.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, shutting his eyes tighter, “I loved him too. I loved them all. And they’re all gone because of me.” He sniffs again, pressing his thumbs to his eyes. “ _God_ , I almost killed Olivia too. I just wish someone had killed me before I could hurt anyone else. I wish I could go back and just… undo it all.” His chin shakes and he buries his face in his knees, his body trembling as he cries silently, his hands almost convulsively tugging at his hair. He was never crazy, but the pain is making him lose his mind.

            I swallow hard, blinking my own tears back, and stare at the fire. I remain silent for a long time, going over what I just heard, processing it. The longest time passes by until the witch next to me stops crying and draws a long, shaky breath, looking too exhausted for more tears.

“But… you didn’t say anything. To anyone, you just–”

“And how am I supposed to do that exactly?” His voice is bitter. “How am I supposed to look my sisters in the eye and tell them it was an accident? That _I_ destroyed our family by mistake. They wouldn’t believe me; and even if they did, they’d still hate me. I’m a monster to them. And that’s what I am. I _did_ this.” He buries his face in his forearm, shaking his head to himself. There is no way out of this.

I stare for the longest time. I don’t know what to say, I don’t even know what to think. One thing he said to me before we got trapped here comes back to my mind and spins like a top; I remember why he accepted to open the portal and retrieve dangerous Lilian Salvatore from 1903: he was doing it because Damon was trying to bring Caroline’s and Stefan’s humanities back. He joked about having a soft spot for people turning sociopaths by accident, pretending he was doing it for his own amusement but he knew. He knew what it felt like to wake up and have to deal with the consequences of what this emotionless version of themselves did. He didn’t open a Gemini prison and take the risk to unleash a ripper for entertainment. He did it to help them; really help them. Just like when he helped Jeremy save Bonnie. He’s been trying to atone.

At some point, the lines of his face harden; he ends up frowning at the fire, and by the brief look he gives me, full of reproach to cover the pain, I understand I was never meant to hear any of this; no one was.

“There, you have it,” he says more dryly, glaring at the fire and clenching his jaw. “My most pathetic, darkest secret. I’m not even a proper villain, just a… defective witch. I was never sick, not even evil; I was just a sad kid, who was too weak to handle being unloved, and I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

            His words seem to resonate in my head for a long time, as I watch him wipe the last tears. He never wanted any of this. What am I supposed to make of that? I keep silent, chewing on his words, and though I don’t make a move, I want to reach out. For the first time, I seriously, genuinely want to reach out.

 

*******

 

            Kai shuts his eyes and inhales deeply. I cautiously reach for his arm and he gives me a look. I stare for a while, assessing, seeing nothing but a wounded man, and he hates it.

“Hey, we just need to get food; we won’t be long.” 

He clenches his jaw and nods; and I know he hates that I get to witness that, just like I hated it when he got to see me break. I mean, I don’t like to appear weak before anyone, that’s a given, but there is also this extra caution to hide my weaknesses from my enemies; it’s not even strategy, it’s common sense.

But then, I look around and remember we are alone; there are no sides anymore, no enemies, no friends, nothing. There’s only the need to cling to every little thing that can bring us comfort, and though I can picture Liv frowning at me for thinking that, I honestly don’t care where that comfort comes from anymore. I’ll just take anything that keeps me going, and if it means making an effort so my witch keeps going as well, then so be it.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says unhappily.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m some sort of… pathetic, broken animal that deserves your compassion.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say you _deserve_ my compassion, but pathetic and broken…” I trail off, fake-pondering, and he shoots me a look; but at this point, what does it even mean? Dude, I know you’re not truly evil at heart; I even know you _have_ heart, however surprising and unsettling that is. How am I supposed to look at you now and take pleasure in what hurts you? Luke’s death, Liv and Jo’s suffering; it’s basically what hurts me too.

            He casts another glance around, obviously not feeling well, and I can’t help a smirk – well, a bitter one. “See? You can’t even properly act dangerous anymore.” You’re a wreck.

“Oh, trust me, I am dangerous.”

“Still haven’t killed me,” I point out.

“Well, don’t speak too fast, I might want to remedy that.”

“And get rid of the only person who’s here with you? I don’t think so.”

“Better be alone than with a dull.”

            I snort. “Sure. You’re terrified of being alone here.” I should know, I’m terrified of that too. He comes to a stop and looks down at me.

“Don’t think that because you know what happened to me and my family means you know me. You don’t.”

“Well, to my greatest displeasure, I’m starting to know you, Parker. You’re lonely, and sad, and despite this devil-may-care attitude, you’re desperate for someone to care about you.”

            His face remains impassive – save for the set jaw – but I get to see the pain in his eyes before he covers it with cold anger. I didn’t even say that in a mean way, but I’m getting a sense that I hit _right_ where it hurts. And I’m awfully not embarrassed to get so much satisfaction out of this. You’re mean, Andy. You’re a terrible, terrible person.

Oh, well.

“I’m not weak,” he grits.

“I didn’t say you were weak. You’re actually far from weak.” His eyes narrow with defiance. “I mean, physically, you’re pretty much indestructible. Emotionally, however… you’re seriously vulnerable.”

“Well, you can talk.” _Touché_. Time to quit poking the bear.

“I never said I was perfect,” I say with a shrug.

We resume walking toward the supermarket and I take his hand, which feels more than awkward and unnatural. I instantly regret it, but I can’t really let go just now, it’ll be even weirder. He looks away but doesn’t recoil.

“I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity; I just so happen to need human touch.” I shrug. “You’re human, so it’ll do.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know.”

            I squeeze his hand, feeling his rings press against my skin and I look forward. We purposefully talk about any other subject while we shop and it almost feels right; it almost feels normal. But then, I take another look around and realize one more time that we _are_ the only two persons in this supermarket; we are the only two persons in the world. And this endless silence, this stillness that goes on and on and on, day after day after day, that’s very creepy.

            By the way he avoids looking at me, I can tell he regrets telling me. Being vulnerable in front of anyone is clearly not his thing; I think he’d rather remain the bad guy in the eyes of everybody than letting them see his painful truth.

I wouldn’t say everything has changed since last night, but I think my perspective on the witch has. Would Luke still think him a monster if he knew what drove him to do what he did? Or would he understand what his brother has been through? I look at him now and I don’t really see a crazy bastard anymore, rather a broken son. There are so many wounds folded in his character, it’s like he rose from two-dimensional to 3D. I don’t even know what to make of that, because I know I have a moral duty to hate him, and I still do despite our survival truce; but at the same time, in a twisted kind of way, I understand. I certainly don’t accept nor approve, but I understand. Damn. I guess I do pity him. 

 

*****

 

 “Hey, Parker,” I call, “The weather will go mad soon; last chance for a walk.”

            The only answer I get is a guitar chord terribly out of tune. I roll my eyes as I put down my glass of water and head to the living room. The witch is sitting on the sofa, trying to pretend he can play.

“That’s enough,” I say, gently snagging it from him, “You’re not fooling anyone.”

“I’m learning,” he retorts, acting indignant, “You’re ruining my rock-star vibe here; give it back.” Yeah, because joking around is easier and more comfortable than being a full-time mess.

“You and I both know you didn’t bring that guitar back from ‘94 in order for _you_ to play.”

“True; but since you refuse serenading me, I am left with no choice but to learn by myself.”

“Just– get your coat; we’re going out.”

            He reaches out for the instrument but I’m faster at maintaining it away. He playfully sighs but obeys and we head outside for a walk. The air is brisk, cold; the snow scrunches under our boots as we leave the front stairs. I don’t aim for us to be going very far; the sky has already clouded and I know the storm will be there in about an hour. I just want to make sure we get some fresh air before locking ourselves back into the house.

            As we wander a bit around the mansion, our hands tucked in our pockets, I can’t help but think back of our conversation from last night, of everything that followed his unexpected confession. After a while, I venture, “You know, I’ve been thinking of something.”

“Should I worry?”

“No, of course not. It’s just– it might not be easy to hear and it might not even be a good idea but it comes from good intention.”

“Okay; now, I’m worried.”

“Shut up”, I smirk, “Just– hear me out, okay?” He nods and I exhale before saying, “Okay, ‘remember how you wrote that apology letter to Jo?”

            He slows down and I purse my lips; probably not the best topic for a walk.

“Yeah,” he answers rather dryly, “I kinda do.”

“Well, I may or may not have heard that it made you cry and– no, wait, just listen. I was just– I was just thinking that maybe it’d be good for you to write more letters.”

“To Jo?” 

“To– anyone, really. It’s just that… after last night, it feels like you have all these things inside of you that you never got to say to anyone and maybe– maybe you would feel a bit better if you got them all out.”

            He stops now and cocks his head. I don’t see the explosion coming.

“You want me to write apology letters to my entire family? Is that your big plan for fixing me?”

“I’m– no–”

“Yeah, ‘cause I tried the letter thing once and it made me feel like crap. Is that what you want?”

“What– of course not–”

“You want me to feel like crap so you can rejoice in how much your best friend’s murderer is struggling? You want to hear how bad I realize I don’t deserve to be alive after what I’ve done? How guilt keeps me up at night? Or how much I wish I could just end it, but I can’t even do that because then even more people will die because of me? Is that it?”

            I’ve stopped walking as well now and an entire shield of tears prevents me from properly seeing. All I can make out now is his figure and his Light. This Light that I hate and love at the same time. Silence lingers and he lowers his gaze.

“Is that what you think, that I’m trying to make you feel even worse?” I ask in such a low voice that I wonder if he can hear me.

“Why not, it comes with the perks of a stay in Hell, doesn’t it.”

            I perceive the change in his voice. Yeah, he’s realized he’s gone too far but he won’t even say he’s sorry about it; he just uses that hateful, mocking tone to display a joke that will only make him more of the bad guy. I know this, because I’m starting to understand how he works. And though I don’t want to buy it and enter the only pattern his knows, I do it anyway. Because right now, he doesn’t deserve my help.

“I hate you.”

            He gives me a delusional smile. “You think your hatred can get to me? Try being responsible for the death of the people you love most and hating yourself every second of every day.”

“You know what,” I say, walking up so close to him that I have to lift my face up in order to lock eyes, “my best friend died because of you and I’ll _never_ forgive you for it. But part of his Light is still here; with you. I was not trying to make you feel like crap; I was just trying to help that last part of him find peace.”

            I turn around a walk back to the house, alone.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

Twenty-six

 

            I didn’t come down to talk or stare at the fire that night; I was busy crying myself to sleep, holding on to Luke’s ring still hanging on that chain around my neck. God, I would give anything to see him. Had I been stuck here with Luke, at least our wait would have been a blast. And even with someone else. _Anyone_. I wish I could just get an hour with Liv over a coffee, watching people go through the cafeteria and comment on their clothes or hair or invent them a life; I wish I could squabble with Damon, or even monitor Jo. The impossibility to talk to or see anyone else is killing me. I need to get out of here, or else I’m gonna hang myself at some point.

Several days go by and it does seem like the atmosphere has changed. I do get up and train, then I come back for breakfast; we barely talk, then he keeps to his room all morning and only comes back down for cooking lunch. I use the time in between to play the guitar, writing down some lyrics and tabs that I remember on a notebook I got from 1994. I don’t really play when he’s here though, I only search for chords and jolt them down.

            After lunch, he leaves for a walk outside while I sit cozily on the sofa with a book. I’ve been binge reading all of Shakespeare’s plays so far, knowing it’s what Mrs Gordon must be assigning our British Literature class. It keeps me close to the present somehow, and to Liv. I just hope she’ll come get me before the semester ends.  

We only go back to 1994 when we need to and exchange the bare minimum amount of words. I hate that I want to talk to him sometimes; I hate that I want to start a conversation just for the sake of hearing someone’s voice. I hate that I feel even more lonely because of him.

We go on like this for days; until one morning he puts on his coat for his walk outside and offers me mine. I hesitantly take it and follow after him, walking in silence for a long moment.

“I’ve been doing the writing-letters-thing, you know,” he finally says and I nod, understanding we’re on for an apology. “It’s not doing any miracles but… I can feel things clear up a bit after writing. It was good advice.”

“Good,” I whisper.

“I wanted to say that– I’m sorry I snapped at you the other day. It’s just… weird, that someone knows now and– Look, I was a jerk to you and I’m sorry.” He’s so not used to saying this kind of things aloud, it doesn’t even feel natural when he does.

“Apologies accepted,” I say as lightly as I can. “No need to be an ass anymore if you don’t actually _feel_ like it.”

“Right.” He looks ahead and shakes his head to himself. “I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be anymore. Everybody I ever knew or loved hate me for what I did, and they’re right to.” He swallows and looks at me sideways. “Sorry, I– Just, thanks for the letters.”

I try to smile, but I’m not really there yet. None of this feels natural. We keep quiet for a while, until I say, “If I may… it might take a while for you to feel better; especially since you’ve been keeping it all inside for so long but– it worked for me, so…” I trail off and shrug, giving him the softest smile I can manage right now.

“You wrote to Lucas?” he asks cautiously.

“Uh, no.” I slightly frown. “I was so convinced I’d find a way to get him back that I didn’t really think about grief or– closure regarding him. But it worked when my mom passed.”

“Your mom? I’m sorry.”

“It was a while back. I was fifteen.”

“What happened?”

“I’m not trying to make this about me, I’m just saying I do believe–”

“I know,” he gently cuts me off, “But I’m asking. If you care to share.”

            I chew on my lip for a moment. I never really talk about my mom’s death. I mean, my entire clan knows about it already and I usually don’t tell other people that story because, well, vampires and witches, so it is kind of weird to be saying all that to someone. But then, he did tell me his most guarded secret and I guess I can make an effort and take this peace offering.

“Uh– a vampire got her actually. She was, you know, assessing her witch and, for some reason I can’t figure, she was very attached to protecting her as well so, she stepped in and… vampire killed her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” I pause, thinking back of that time. “It was terrible, you know, and I still miss her of course, but… I guess it’s easier now.”

“Is that why you do what you do?”

“What do I do?”

“You keep doing everything you can to keep your witches alive. I mean, I don’t pretend to know anything about your mission but I’m guessing that if Lightbringers have remained unspoken of for so long it’s because they didn’t–”

“Interfere?” I offer with a smile and he nods, “Well, we all reacted differently. I mean, my dad broke clan’s rules and went after that vampire. Everybody knew but they didn’t try to stop him; and when he came back, he simply was done with it. He named Alice leader of the clan, relinquished his Light to her, and peacefully retired. As for Alice, it was the opposite. She knew our mom died because she interfered when her witch’s life was threatened, so she went to respecting the rules even more strictly. And all that my mom had been fighting for all those years, the possibility to maybe be allowed to protect good witches someday… It was all gone.”

“I’m not sure I really get that, you know. Isn’t protecting witches part of your job? You’re, like, witch police.”

            I chuckle, “I’m supposed to be witches’ Big Brother actually. My targets are not even supposed to know about me at all. I can talk to them, get to know them if it helps me assess them, but they can’t know about me. You used to be able to discreetly take care of a threat here and there but never out in the open.”

“So all that you’ve been doing since– we first tried to kill each other, it was all…”

“All transgressing the rules. Yep.” And I’m not proud.

“Why do you do it?”

“Several reasons, which won’t be for today.”

            He nods and offers me a soft smile that looks a lot like Luke’s. I don’t say anything about it; I only take his hand and we start walking our way back.

 

*********

 

“ _Do you have the time, to listen to me whine, about nothing and everything all at once **[1]**_...”

            I pull the pan and crack some eggs, dancing in rhythm with the song playing in my ears. I then get the boiling water for coffee and the orange juice – note to self: get some juice _and_ peanut butter. “… _Sometimes I give myself the creeps; sometimes my mind plays tricks on me; it all keeps adding up_ …” I keep preparing breakfast, swaying in rhythm, turn around to grab the wooden spoon and start with surprise. Kai is standing there, leaning against the doorframe, a broad grin on his lips, and I can’t help but smile back.

“You– scared me,” I say, setting the headphones around my neck. I’m so glad I didn’t use the spoon as a mike, just like I was going to. Anyone who is not Jess or Tina doesn’t get to watch that. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to know Whitmore College have been missing their lead stage artist.”

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” He helps me set the table and we sit down. “You didn’t go down last night, did you?”

“No,” he answers, taking a bite of his scrambled eggs, “last night was rather peaceful.”

“Good.”

“So,” he says, reaching for the grocery list, “do we need something today?”

“Uh… we’re almost out of juice and peanut butter but it can wait for tomorrow, so we’re good.”

“Laundry day,” he cheers sarcastically.

“ _Sonic the hedgehog_ day!” I imitate him and he chuckles.

“I’ve figured out your weakness, you know.”

“Have you now?”

“That Mystic Cave map? It gives you the creeps. I’m so ending you.”

I snort. “You wish.”

“I guess we’ll see. Hey, so how about this one: they haven’t come yet because they lost the ascendant.”

“Lost it?” I ponder, tilting my head, “As in actually lost it or as in someone stole it?”

“Oh, stolen,” he nods and whistles, “That’s a good one. By whom?”

“I don’t know. Humanity-less Caroline and Stefan?”

“My dad?”

“Maybe _my_ dad,” I say and he laughs.

“Oh, what if they broke it?”

“What if Bonnie compelled her memories away and they don’t know how to use it anymore?”

“What if she just hid it?”

“You’ve said that one before,” I squint. The witch shrugs and I throw a napkin at him. “You’re cheating; we said not the same scenario twice.”

“Alright, what if… it self-destructed when I got stuck? Like a weird loophole or something.”

“We would be screwed.”

“We would be screwed,” he confirms with a nod.

            We’ve been playing this ‘guess why they haven’t come yet’ for several days now. The witch always finds a way to come up with the weirdest explanation. After breakfast, we wash the dishes and head to the living room. I resume reading on the sofa while the Gemini leader spends the morning at the writing table, focusing on a letter; it’s a routine we’ve established and I must say it’s nice not being at war with my only company here.

I look up from time to time and watch him as he writes and writes and writes. His face shows all sorts of emotions, from pain to guilt, and he stops to rub his eyes or cry sometimes but I let him. Because when he’s done, there is this moment when he seals the letter and then takes a deep breath, looking lighter and relaxed; and that’s my favorite moment.

 

***********

 

“But it _was_ a good movie, though,” I object, biting in a strawberry.

“It was okay,” he admits, “but I’m definitely choosing the next.”

“Says the guy who’s been living in a world without Titanic and Fight Club.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“See? Exactly my point. Wait: I’m adding these two to your twenty-first-century list.”

“This list is getting ridiculously long.”

“Do I look like it’s my problem?” I mock. “I mean, once we’re back, I can’t just unleash you onto the real world and let you make even more poor life choices.”

“Low.”

“Sorry,” I wince. “Anyway, I should definitely keep the responsibility to choose movies.”

“Just because I don’t know all the cool movies that came out after ’94 doesn’t mean I can’t choose a good one _in_ ’94.”

“You don’t know which ones became classics, because you don’t have any distance regarding this decade.”

            He gets up, shaking his head as he begins washing the dishes. I turn on my seat and watch him for a minute. “I’ve been wondering–”

“Can’t wait,” he mocks.

“Shut up,” I smirk. “I’ve been wondering: haven’t you guys figured out a spell that washes the dishes and does the laundry for you? Like in Harry Potter?”

            I have this very clear image of the Wesley family house where the dishes would wash on their own. I can’t even remember whether this was on the movie or in the book as well. Oh boy, I’m losing track of things; and I can’t even check in the book. Kai peeks over his shoulder to give me a wince of disbelief.

“I don’t know who that is but no, it doesn’t work like that.”

            My eyes widen and I instantly add Harry Potter to the list. That poor thing.

“Well, it could,” I say, getting up as well with a dishcloth. “Life would simply be easier. I mean, you have magic, you can do pretty much what you want as long as you don’t go astray.”

“Everything is not as simple as it seems when you have magic,” he lectures me and my eyes light up. “What?”

“Did you just quote Selena Gomez to me?”

“Do I look like I know who that is?”

“It’s– she stars in this show, with wizards and stuff and– well, she and her brothers pull off some of the stupidest crap ever but, it’s very fitting.”

“Okay…?” he says, not following.

“Because it’s about witches and magic and how to use it. And what you said is, like, the main line of the opening song.”

            As he still doesn’t get it, I sigh and head to the living room, coming back with the guitar. I search for the right chords – or something close enough – for a moment and then start playing and singing the one-minute song.

“… _Everything is not what seems when you can have what you want by the simplest of means. Be careful not to mess with the balance of things because everything is not what it seems **[2]**_.”

            I finish the song and look up to find my witch grinning at me.

“See? You’re not that bad. I don’t get why you won’t play around me.”

            I roll my eyes, incapable of holding an amused smile back.

“Because if I play, you’re gonna ask me to sing and if I sing, you’re gonna say I serenaded you and I’m never gonna hear the end of it.”

“Always imagining the worst of me,” he chuckles.

“Would I be wrong, though?”

            He tilts his head, faking indecision, and I can’t help but laugh.

 

*********

 

            I change the positioning of my fingers on the frets and strum the strings with my right hand, producing the exact sound I had in mind.

“And that’s a C.”

            The witch nods, distractedly blowing on his mug. We are sitting before the fireplace tonight; we would have gone for a videogames night if we hadn’t fallen asleep on a ‘94 couch the last time we went for a movie. Since then, Kai has been pushing aside any attempt to go to the other prison world after dinner. I get that he’s afraid of falling asleep over there again so I don’t insist, but now we have to find something to do in 1903 to keep boredom out of the place, which is not always easy.

“Come on,” I say, handing him the guitar, “you try it.”

“I’d rather drink my cocoa while it’s still warm. Just keep going, I’ll remember.”

“No, you won’t. If you don’t really want to learn, just say so–”

“I didn’t say that. How about you play something?”

            I squint, finding less and less good reasons not to play every time he asks me to. At this point, it’s becoming childish of me to refuse.

“I… wouldn’t even know what to play.”

“That’s bad faith,” he chuckles and I try not to nod in agreement, “It doesn’t have to be good, just– play something from your club, I don’t care.”

            I tilt my head, picturing a list of all the songs we would perform.

“Alright but just so you know, my suitemate Jess would choose these; it’s a lot of Taylor Swift.”

“Remember I’m clueless regarding twenty-first century music; I don’t even know who that is,” he states. “Just pick one.”

            I exhale and start chewing on my lip as I think. My gaze lands on the stack of books I’ve been keeping in the living room and I tilt my head. I grab the one on top, slightly smiling as I remember _Romeo and Juliet_ was Luke’s favorite Shakespeare and I set it aside on the floor between us – we keep sitting there for some reason; the sofa only exists to rest our backs.

“Alright, I’ve got one.”

            The witch arches a brow at the book but says nothing as I take a minute to find the right chords. Then I start playing, keeping my eyes on the frets as I sing along.

“ _We were both young when I first saw you; I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I’m standing there; on the balcony in summer air **[3]**…”  _

I wince when I hear a false note but keep going as best as I can. Somehow, it’s harder to perform for one person than it is to perform in front of a crowd. Not that my memory is at fault; I used to play this song quite a lot at some point with all the rehearsals and the shows, so once I’m back on it, I just piece it all together rather effortlessly and my fingers find the frets without me needing to think too much about it. I’m always amazed to contemplate de wonders of muscle memory.

            I let the notes fill the air, my hands and fingers playing almost on their own and my voice going along. I do miss Tina’s voice though; it was always great when she would accompany me. I miss singing with her and our club, and I miss singing with Jess as well. But more than my suitemates and my college life, I miss playing along with my mom. Every time I hold a guitar, every time I play, I can’t help having this special thought for her, this grateful smile that only belongs to her. After she passed, I’d spend hours playing in my room, hoping that wherever she was, be it the Other Side or some mysterious Better Place, she could hear me and feel how deeply I missed her and loved her.

“ _…’cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter and my daddy said ‘stay away from Juliet’ but you were everything to me; I was begging you please don’t go…_ ”

It’s kinda weird that there’s only my voice resonating in the living room. I guess I’m used to people knowing the tune and sometimes the lyrics as well so they would start humming or singing along, which is always fun; but my current audience is listening intently, probably because it’s the first time he’s hearing this song and I feel a sort of pressure while I keep playing. This song has a tendency to make me feel nostalgic about the past and about happier times of my life. Somehow it feels good to be playing again, but at the same time, performing alone reminds me that we are stuck in this very empty, very isolated, lonely world and that no one is going to join me and sing with me anytime soon. And I think the worst part is not knowing when or even whether someone is going to come. Ever. I mean, where is everybody? Why haven’t they come yet?

“… _I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around, my faith in you was fading_ …”

            I slow down and lower my playing, then start plucking the strings as the song’s climax builds up, unable to hold a smile as I cling to the memory of our entire club singing it all together and the same kind of excitement rushes through me.

“… _is this in my head, I don’t know what to think, he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said ‘marry me, Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone, I love you and that’s all I really know; I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress; it’s a love story, baby just say yes’_ …”

            I end the song and let the last notes resonate in the room for a while. Then I look up, somehow concerned with my audience’s reaction, but he doesn’t seem put off or anything and he doesn’t look like he’s about to make fun of me. So it wasn’t bad, right?

“It wasn’t that hard, was it?” he asks, dropping a couple more marshmallows in his mug.

“Nope.”

“And you sing pretty well.”

“Thanks.”

“Where did you learn to play like that?”

“My mom taught me when I was young. We would play and sing together very often; it was our thing.”

“That’s sweet,” he smiles before looking at the fire and I know where his thoughts are leading him. Did he even have a thing with his mom or his dad when he was a kid? Before being expelled of his own family, I mean.

“Wanna play monopoly?” I ask after a while. The witch snaps back to reality and offers me the best smile he can manage. He nods and I go get the board game.

 

 

[1] Basket Case, in ‘ _Dookie_ ’, by Green Day, 1994

[2] Everything is not as it seems, in ‘ _Wizards of Waverly Place_ ’, by Selena Gomez, 2009

[3] Love Story, in ‘ _Fearless_ ’, by Taylor Swift, 2008


	27. Chapter 27

Twenty-seven

 

“So, our dads know each other,” the witch summarizes with a frown. “They’re friends.”

“Yep,” I nod, digging more into my Ben and Jerry’s cup.

            Usually, I wouldn’t eat anything that isn’t warm in 1903 but I mentioned to Kai a couple days ago that I wished we would move in to 1994; just for temperatures’ sake. After all, it is harder to keep the heat within a non-isolated 1903 mansion than it is in a 1994 one, especially when it’s Spring over there and you don’t have to worry about it. Of course, he wouldn’t hear it but he did come up with this spell that keeps the warmth in the house, so living here actually became a lot more pleasant. I mean, I can actually wear a tee-shirt now and not freeze to death, how cool is that?

“That’s why my dad knew about Lightbringers,” he realizes.  

            I nod once more and glance at Kai sideways; he’s holding his own ice cream cup but he stopped eating from it, pondering. He saw the ring on the chain around my neck when I stopped wearing sweaters and he started asking about it. When I said it was Luke’s, the witch tensed, but for the first time we started talking about how his brother and I became friends against all odds, and the fact that the same thing had happened between our fathers and we didn’t even know.

I chew on my lip, weighing the pros and cons to telling him all this; but then, he is the Gemini leader now, this is coven things he should know.

“Look, I don’t know all the detail about how they became close or anything,” I explain, resting my back on the sofa, “All I know is my dad was assessing yours and his twin before their merge and at some point, they ended up sharing on clan and coven, which really doesn’t happen; like ever. Josh– your father, was apparently very serious about his coven doing good–”

“Coven always comes first,” Kai mutters bitterly.

“…so they came up with this promise that he would let my dad know if any Gemini was going astray; and my dad would protect them from evil if they ever needed it. They kept it a secret from everybody – my dad never said a word to our elders about it, or even us; he only told my mom and she supported him. It was kind of a first, you know, a witch and a Lightbringer becoming friends and working together.”

“Then how did you end up knowing about it?”

“Things started getting a little bit out of control last year,” I say, focusing on taking a spoonful of Cookie Dough. “When I told Alice about something being up with the Travelers, she started looking it up as well. She tried to get close to a couple coven leaders and it’s only when things got really bad that your dad agreed to meet her and give her classified intel about them.”

“My _dad_ gave her witch intel,” he says with disbelief.

“Well, Alice said he didn’t want to talk to a Lightbringer he didn’t know; he only agreed to it when my dad vouched for her. That’s kinda when we both realized they knew each other, that your dad knew about us. We were pissed for a while, because not only did he keep it a secret from the entire clan, but also from his own daughters. Alice has been in the worst position ever because from the moment she knew, she was supposed to tell the elders but she didn’t want to sell our dad… We talked– or rather argued, last summer and he explained that this secret alliance was only called in once. For you.”

            Kai frowns and I sit straighter, elaborating as cautiously as I can, “When your coven heard about your siblings, they first wanted to kill you.”

“Shocker,” he comments lightly but I see the way his eyes avoid mine. It still hurts him to this day. “Why didn’t they?” I slightly frown at this question and the note of regret in his voice. Does he wish they had?

“Your dad didn’t want to come to that; he…” I trail off, wondering once more if I should be telling him all this. He looks up at me and arches a brow.

“He…?”

“Half of his children were dead,” I say quietly, “He didn’t want to lose one more. So he called my dad and told him about you going astray and– all he wanted was his friend’s support for what he had in mind. Next day, your coven flew Sheila Bennett over to Portland so she could help seal your prison. My dad went as well.”

“He was there,” he whispers to himself. If he is thinking what I am thinking, then he might be wondering whether my dad would have understood what was going on with him; if he’d assessed Kai then or if he’d known him before, maybe he would have guessed that it wasn’t really him, that something was wrong.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

“He remained in the shadow and only saw yours in private. When he came back from his Gemini mission, you were gone and since he was leader back then, it’s not like he owed anyone an explanation. He kept it a secret for all those years and only told my sister and me when he didn’t have a choice.”

            We remain silent for a moment and I’m sure a lot of the events are playing in his mind. They certainly are playing in mine.

“So how did my brother find out about you?”

            I bite my lip and clutch Luke’s ring; my ancestors are in there and I could tell him about them but I honestly don’t feel like it. This was a secret between Luke and me; I’m just not ready to share it with anyone else, not even his brother.

“I’d been assessing Bonnie and the twins for some time now and… I guess I was caring a bit too much about your sister. I mean, Luke and Bonnie as well but it wasn’t the same. Besides, your brother was a damn good observer and I always felt like he could just find me out if he wanted to; I didn’t trust him.”

The shadow of a smile plays on his lips as he probably remembers a happy memory with Luke, a lifetime ago.

“Anyway, the line became sort of blurry when it came to not interfering. When all that crap happened with the Travelers… it was bigger than just monitoring from afar, you know; the Other Side was going down… I needed insight in the Mystic gang and Luke was dead anyway so–”

“Hold on,” the Gemini cuts me off, “rewind; Luke was _dead_?”

“Yeah. That’s how they got Liv to help them bring people back; pretty much everybody was dead at that point; I mean, Stefan, Tyler, Enzo… Rick…”

            He squints; he probably understands now why I was so convinced we could get his brother back. I try not to think of that and keep talking, “I could see and hear him, which is not supposed to be possible, but then the Travelers were messing around with the Other Side, so that’s when I got him to talk to me about his gang’s plan and sort of helped them from afar. Everybody came back to life – except Bonnie and Damon, as you know – and Luke and I had a big, fat conversation about what I was and why I was there. At this point I knew he’d tell his dad about me if he felt like he couldn’t trust me so I was plain honest with him. And that’s how we actually became friends; I mean, save for classified details, we could share pretty much anything that was clan or coven related. It simply felt good, you know, to have someone around that you can trust no matter what; to know that you’re not alone in this crap.”

I shrug; the witch listens to me intently.  

“We made the same kind of alliance as our dads and didn’t tell anyone. That’s how I was able to move past their secrets; because I had this same illegal friendship with a witch and I couldn’t just let my clan know about it. That’s why I understand my dad’s actions. Alice doesn’t, though; she never told the elders about our dads but I know she doesn’t get it.”

            I consider the ring for a long moment and he says, “That’s why you wouldn’t take your sister’s calls out of the blue. You need to be careful what you tell her.”

            My brow quickly rises and I nod. He has no idea how true that is.

“Alice… never had that with a witch and she’s too much into following the elders. I mean, I barely made it without a suspension when I lost Bonnie; she’d kill me if she found out; then she’s get me suspended herself. I just… I wanted to see the twins through the merge; I wanted to remain Luke’s Lightbringer, so I kept it all from her. I never thought things would take this direction…”

            I trail off, shaking my head. I know exactly how I ended up in that position; what led me to it. And yet, I can’t help wondering how I could let this all happen.

“She doesn’t know you’re the new leader,” I whisper.

            Kai’s head whips to me and his brow furrows. “She doesn’t?”

            I shake my head, staring at the fire. I know that makes me a crappy Lightbringer and an even crappier sister, and I couldn’t feel more embarrassed. I rest my head on the sofa and focus on the ceiling, pursing my lips.

“When you got out, it was all about stopping you from merging, but when you did…” I exhale and close my eyes, tears gathering behind my lids. “…Luke was dead and I couldn’t– I had to make that phone call and report and– she was all professional and normal while I had lost my closest friend and I couldn’t even cry about it; not with her. I– I said something about the merge happening and Luke dying and she kind of deduced Liv had won. She actually commented on the fact that I’d always thought Luke was the stronger one and I couldn’t say another word, I– I couldn’t just tell her about you; there was too much interfering on my part and she’d have me removed and I– I needed to stay here and get him back…”

            The witch lies his head back against the sofa as well and closes his eyes, tears pearling at the corners. I exhale, trying to control my breathing.

“To this day, she has no idea what’s been going on. I’ve only said the bare minimum. She thinks Liv is the new leader but she’s too much caught up in grief to actually come after you. Alice is very anxious to have you removed so the elders never find out about my dad’s secret deal with yours. As for me, I’m supposed to be taking you out of the picture discreetly, which is not possible without genociding your entire coven, which I’m not allowed to do by law, except she doesn’t know. I know I’ll have to tell her at some point, I just– I’m not ready for everything to change just yet; I’m not ready to let him go.”

            Silence stretches, only interrupted by the fire feeding on the logs in the chimney.

“Had Luke won,” the witch says after a while, “everything would have been fine for you.”

            I turn my face to him, the both of us still resting our heads on the sofa. Had Luke won, he would have become leader; our secrets and our dads would be safe and I wouldn’t be facing suspension; I’d have my friend and we’d be working on drafting a new Other Side and importing my ancestors in it. Instead, I’ve become this unreliable clan member; a renegade, really, that can’t even tell right from wrong anymore. I’ve been lying to my whole clan and my sister, and I’m pretty sure it’ll blow up in my face sooner or later. I guess being stuck here isn’t that bad; it’s a good time off before the inevitable. My chest tightens.

“Yes,” I whisper honestly, “everything would have been fine.”

 

*********

 

“Wait, you remember the _Wall_ coming down?” I stare at the witch, dumbfounded at his statement. I finally got him to go to 1994 for a movie last night and tonight we’re back into our 1903 living room, talking about all sorts of things while playing cards. When we started talking about college and majors, I mentioned I was thinking about majoring in European studies – I was already taking Brit Lit and an advanced French course; and a European history class really got me hyped last semester. To that, Kai nodded and said he’d always wanted to go to Europe, especially since the Berlin Wall had come down and you could go to eastern Germany more easily – ‘what a glorious day that had been’.

“Hm-mm,” he nods, “it was live broadcast pretty much on every channel.”

“Yeah– no, I mean–” I open my mouth then close it, taking in the young witch sitting before to me. Get out of here.

“What?”

“You grew up during the Cold War and I wasn’t even born,” I say. “Sometimes I forget how old you really are.”

“Ouch,” he winces.

“Legit, though,” I say with a frown, sitting straighter. “You were born in what, ’72, right?” He nods. “That makes you…” I stop to count, “that makes you _forty_. Oh my God, forty years old!”

“I know. I’m incredibly well preserved for a forty-year-old, aren’t I?” He winks.

“I can’t believe you’re supposed to be an adult.”

“I _am_ an adult.”

“I mean, a real one. Like Jo or Rick; you should have a regular job, a house, probably a couple kids playing on the lawn with the dog–”

“I’m not much of a dog person,” he jokes before adding with a shrug, “I honestly don’t feel like a forty-year-old though. And technically, I’m not. Time froze for me; biologically, emotionally… I truly feel twenty-two.” Another shrug from him and I tilt my head, unable to hold a smile back. “What?”

“I know just the song for you.”

“Really,” he says in a doubtful voice as I reach for the guitar.

“You can actually make this one your personal anthem,” I chuckle as I focus on remembering the right chords and then start playing. 

“ _It feels like a perfect night, to dress up like hipsters and make fun of our exes, uh uh, **[1]**_ …”

            My witch is torn between skepticism and satisfaction because he didn’t have to ask me this time. It always requires him new bribes – mainly going to ‘94 for something else than groceries and laundry – for me to accept playing. But I actually enjoy it this time, because it’s so fitting. “ _Yeah, we’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical, oh yeah, tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines; it’s time. Oh oh, I don’t about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two; everything will be alright if, you keep me next to you. You don’t know about me, but I bet you want to; everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we’re twenty-two_ …”

            I see his eyes light up at the chorus and I can’t help smiling back at him. Jess never had to push me to learn this one; it is catchy and I like it, it was always fun to sing it together because we are twenty-two, but I have to admit I never thought I’d be singing it one day to a twenty-two-year-old witch… born in 1972. That’s just insane.

“… _It seems like one of those nights, we ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming instead of sleeping, yeah…”_

            I must also admit that this one holds a special place in my heart; Luke and I sang it – well, we sort of shouted the lyrics because we were just so hammered – when we went to have a drink – and then a couple more – at the _Salsa_ the night before his birthday. I think I’ll always remember the moment when my phone announced midnight and I was about to be the first one to wish him a happy birthday, but he held a hand to my mouth, keeping me from talking, and said, ‘Can we just… let Liv be the first one to say it? You’ll get to do it next year if you want and… every year after that.’ He gave me that sad smile that was supposed to be light, but I couldn’t help feeling terrible at the idea that Liv was going to lose the upcoming merge, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I don’t let the sadness surge, instead I focus on how I felt that night, when my friend and I were having fun like nothing else mattered, like we had our entire lives ahead of us. That night was glorious. _We_ were glorious.

            Kai grins through the whole song and waits for the end to say, “I gotta admit, it fits.”

“ _Right_?” I beam and chuckle along with him, warmth and comfort filling the living room.

“It suddenly makes being twenty-two forever way more enjoyable.”

            I laugh at that and when a silence ensues, I hold on a bit too long to the fondness in his eyes. I notice they fall to my mouth before he looks away.

“I have to ask, though,” he says in a light voice, “was that your way of serenading me? ‘cause the whole ‘I gotta have you’ thing was quite transparent, you know.” Back to joking. Good.

            I lift an amused brow.

“ _Please_ , if I were serenading you, I’d sing something way more cheesy, like… something from High School Musical.”

“That’s a thing?” he asks, grinning with doubt, though curiosity lights up his eyes.

“It is,” I nod. “You’d be on for _What I’ve been looking for_ or _Start of Something New_.”

“That one sounds promising,” he grins. “Sing it.”

“Nope.”

“Come on, humor me.”

“Not happening,” I chuckle, holding the guitar closer to me and thinking fast of something else. I settle on a song and start playing to cover his requests. It’s not what he’s hopping for though, but I’m definitely more comfortable with those lyrics than those of a corny musical.

“ _Educated, with money. He’s well dressed, not funny. And not much to say in most conversations but he’ll put the bill in all situations ‘cause he pays for everything… Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money; boys will laugh at girls when they’re not funny **[2]**_ …”

            He bursts into laughter, commenting, “Oh my God, this is genius.” Ladies and gentlemen, this is how I introduced Kai Parker to Good Charlotte.

 

 

[1] 22, in ‘ _Red_ ’, by Taylor Swift, 2012

[2] Girls & Boys, in ‘ _The Young and the Hopeless_ ’, by Good Charlotte, 2002


	28. Chapter 28

Twenty-eight

 

            I turn in bed, positively incapable of sleeping. I’m not tired, I didn’t really want to go to bed tonight. I sigh, smiling at the ceiling. Tonight was good. More than good, tonight was great. I haven’t had this much fun in so long, I would have kept singing until morning. Deep down, I know I’m warming up to him. I know I shouldn’t but it feels like being stuck here with only him changes the general conditions of life; he’s the only person I have in this world and it’s not like he can go astray or anything, so I guess we’re allowed to be friends. Actually– I push the thought aside and ignore the fact that my body is warming up all of a sudden. Not him, Andy.

            We’ve been sharing a lot in the past few weeks and I wonder whether it’s just me or if maybe we could be allied when we go back to the real world. It wouldn’t be anything like what Luke and I had but maybe, in the long run, we could end up with the same sort of agreement. Honesty about his coven in exchange for help if needs be. Not that he would need my help – I’m fairly certain he’s more powerful than I am – but then, being on good terms would be an okay-enough compromise for Alice, I guess. The guarantee of keeping all Gemini witches in check could make up for all the lies and bad calls. Maybe. I’ll have to talk to him about it, see whether he’s interested.

            I hear the wooden floor creak in the corridor and my eyes shoot to the bottom of my door. I guess we are going downstairs tonight. Not that I was staying awake on purpose or anything, I was just– just waiting to see if maybe he would need some company. I wait for a second, however, because there is no light filtering under my door; nothing. I sink back into my pillow and exhale, disappointed. But then I hear the floor creak again in the corridor and I know I’m not making it up. I frown, wondering why he wouldn’t use the chandeliers, especially since he can light them on with half a thought.

            Of course, he wouldn’t knock on my door, he never does, but then is he really going downstairs or is the wood in this house too old to take the bloody winds outside? Maybe he doesn’t want me to come; we’ve spent the whole night together – hell, we spend our entire days together – and while I really enjoyed this improvised concert, maybe he wants to be alone. I’m warming up to him but maybe he feels the exact opposite; for some reason my chest tightens at the thought.

            I try not to dwell on my disappointment and only look back at my door when hearing the floor creak even closer to me. I frown. Is it me or do I sense a presence nearby? My stare is glued to the door and it shoots to the handle when it starts turning very slowly. My heartbeat quickens and I swallow, sitting up in my bed as the door starts opening, oh so slowly, and I ask, “Kai? Is that you?”

            The door instantly stops moving and I can’t make out anything. My mouth goes dry as I stare and stare and stare at the dark slot between the door and its frame, realizing the presence I sense has nothing to do with Kai; I would get a peek of his Light.

“Parker?” I say, getting up with a dagger in my hand – I never sleep without one – and cautiously stepping toward the door. The silence is deafening, creepy, and I grip my dagger more firmly as I let in my supernatural surplus, reminding myself that I am a strong, powerful witch hunter and that I can take on whatever is behind that door. And yet, an unspeakable anguish is tightening around my heart, and I feel as defenseless as a child facing her deepest fear of the night.

            I inhale and suddenly kick the door closed, making sure to lock it well. I then grab a chair and wedge the door with it. I nod to myself, trying to calm down and catch my breath, but all I can hear is my blood beating in my temples. After some time, I go back to bed.

            I spend the entire night watching my door.

 

*******

 

“You look terrible,” the witch offers me with an easy smile, “did you get any sleep?”

“We need to go to ‘94,” I say as I walk up to him, snagging the breakfast plates from his hands and lying them on the table, “now.”

“I’d like to have breakfast, first, if you don’t mind,” he answers, walking around me.

            I grab his arm and he frowns at me.

“I said now.”

“And I said after breakfast,” he retorts just as dryly. It’s almost incredible how quickly he’ll shift from this new, light and _kind_ side of himself that I’ve been getting used to, to this former coldness and distance he uses when getting defensive. He’s like an emotional puppy who’ll turn into a wolf when feeling cornered. “Why is it so urgent? We have lots of food and we did a laundry–”

“It’s for–” I cut him off and stop. I take a look around, wondering whether the mysterious presence can hear us, “…girl stuff.”

            He eyes me from head to toe for half a second and nods, offering no further resistance. “Alright, let’s go.” Retrieving his plate full of food, he tries to contain his impatience when taking my hand, then he simply closes his eyes and begins chanting while I keep watching the kitchen intently. Then there is this flash of white light and we land in the 1994 version of the room. Simple as that.

“I’ll leave you to it, then; the car is parked outside.” Kai starts walking away but I pull him back so we’re facing each other. I search his eyes for a moment, wondering which answer I actually expect from him.

When he arches an expectant brow, I finally ask, “Did you… come to my room last night?” He squints with an amused smirk. “I’m being serious.” He eyes me up and down again, slightly more cautiously.

“Were you expecting me to?”  

“Did you or did you not come to my room?” His face loses all amusement as he hears the tension in my voice and feels it in my grip.

“Why would you ask?”

“I think we’re not alone in 1903,” I whisper. “Someone opened my door.”

            He’s frowning now and I relate to him last night’s episode. My heartbeat quickens at the simple mention of it and I can’t help but looking around, feeling watched.

“Huh,” he finally says, pondering, and I cock my head.

“ _Huh_?” I repeat, about to lose it. “There is someone, _someone_ in our house; how could you not know it? I thought you had a sense of people getting in and people getting out!”

“I do, I just– No one else got in.”

“Are you seriously, seriously saying that they were here _before_ we even got there?” That’s it; I’m losing it now. “We’re moving in,” I decide. “Right now. We’re going back if you really want to grab something but we’re staying here from now on.”

“No, we’re not,” he says with agitation.

“Yes, we are,” I snap. “Look, I indulged with your preference for 1903 because it was different for you but we can’t– _I_ can’t. I’ve never been so afraid in my entire life and I never want to feel like that ever again.”

“And you won’t,” he promises, taking my hands to calm me down. “Listen to me, you are this crazy-strong witch hunter that police people like me, and I am the all-powerful leader of my coven. The two of us together? Nothing can stop us; we’re invincible, okay? So we’re gonna go back and take a look around–”

            I shake my head nervously and he rubs my arms for comfort, locking eyes as he says, “Look… I can’t stay here. It’s beyond me, but what I can do is channel the murderer side of me if anyone tries coming for us, okay?”

“We shouldn’t go back,” I whisper, closing my eyes. “This is typically how people start dying in horror movies.”

“We’re not in a horror movie, Andy. And we’re not defenseless.”

“But why–”

“Because when they come for us, it’ll be in 1903. We need to be there if we ever want to make it out of these prisons.”

            I shake my head and bury my face in my hands, resting my forehead on his chest. I know I shouldn’t feel like that; I’m a bloody Lightbringer, I can take on anything and anyone. But I didn’t feel invincible at all last night. I felt ordinary. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I haven’t had any opportunity to feel strong during the past few weeks or because with every day that goes by, it feels like my old life is disappearing. Maybe it’s because I got used to being alone and safe in the Salvatore house and I didn’t see it coming that someone else could be there. I honestly don’t know why I felt the way I felt, but I truly don’t want that to happen to me again.

“How about we spend the morning here and go back later?” Kai asks and I look up.

            I can see the battle waging in his eyes but I also get the point; we can’t afford to just stay here and simply not be there when the rescue party comes for us. They should be here any day now, we can’t miss that. I exhale and nod, trying to cool down.  

I guess I’m looking very scared right now, because the witch takes my hand, which he never does. I’m always the one reaching out for human touch since he told me about his childhood and he always looks away and squeezes, signaling that he appreciates the gesture even though he’s not comfortable with it. This time when he squeezes my hand, it is to reassure me and I really am grateful for not being alone in this mess. He leads me outside and we take Damon’s car; driving in ‘94 has never felt so good.

 

*****

 

“See? Nothing.”

            We come back up to the living room and I start breathing again. We searched the 1903 house up and down and didn’t find anything. The sun has set now and we go to the kitchen for dinner. I can’t figure out how he manages to relax and cook as if nothing were wrong while I can’t help but eye the door from time to time, expecting a threatening figure to be standing there and watching us.

            Same when we end up sitting before the fireplace after dinner: I can’t help but listen intently for any sound that wouldn’t be the fire or the winds outside. Kai is playing on his Gameboy color and I can’t even read two lines of _Jane Eyre_ and actually remember them. I end up closing the book and hugging my knees as I stare at the fire. I am so dreading the moment we’ll say goodnight. I guess I’ll have to move the wardrobe in front of the door, to make sure no one can open it while I sleep.

“Alright,” he says, setting his Gameboy away, “let’s do something fun.”

“Like what?”

“Do you wanna serenade me?” He chuckles at my weary glance. “Okay, maybe not tonight.” We silently watch the fire for a while, and he sighs. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you should be afraid of whatever came to you last night. If anything, they should be afraid of you.”

“Nice try.”

“Come on, Andy. You and I both know you can take down anything that’s able to breathe or walk.”

“Except you,” I remind him. He chuckles at that.

“Only because you were blinded by my charms.”

            I snort. “Yeah. Either that or you took me by surprise.” His smile stretches.

“You’re not used to that, are you?”

“I’m more used to the element of surprise being mine,” I admit.

“I saw that.”

We share a conniving smile, remembering the moment I blew my cover to retrieve the knife. Such a long time ago.

“I must say, I didn’t expect you to pick up on my immunity to internal magic so quickly.”

“Well, I just figured that if I couldn’t get you flying across the room for some reason, I could surely fly something _at_ you.” I wince at the memory. “Sorry about that, by the way.”

“It’s fine. I was out for your head, so…” I trail off and shake my head, smiling at the fire. In what kind of a world do I get to sit down with an enemy – or rather former enemy – and discuss our past fights? “It actually reminded me that I’m not invincible, you know. I go around, pretending I know what I’m doing and that I’m fit to fight anything coming my way but the truth is, I’m not much more than a regular hunter with a couple supernatural abilities. Without the element of surprise, I’m not sure I’d be so successful at what I do.” I shrug.

“Is that why no one knows about Lightbringers?” I watch him for a while, not comfortable to answer that. “Just saying, I did a bit of research after Liv tried to kill me on Bonnie’s birthday – and wouldn’t _that_ have been the best of gifts for her? There was nothing to find about your kind; if I hadn’t heard stories about you when I was a kid, I would never have known.”

“We’re usually pretty good at keeping the secret… secret.”

“And yet, so many people know about you in Mystic Falls.”

“I know,” I complain, closing my eyes with a wince. “Alice is going to kill me someday.”

“Well, if it comes to that, at least now you’re buddies with a powerful coven leader that can offer you political asylum.”

“Thanks, I’ll remember that.” We hold gaze, smiling, until I look back at the fire.

“So what’s the story? The big, secret Lightbringer community must have a founding myth, right?” I cock my head, uneasy about all this.

“I seriously don’t know whether I should tell you that.”

“Come on, who am I gonna tell? This tree we drove by in ‘94?”

I snort, trying to keep a smile away, and when I look up, my heartbeat picks up its pace. “You can’t do that,” I let out before thinking about it.

“Do what?” he asks, the personification of innocence.

“Those puppy eyes won’t get you anywhere.” He looks away, smiling at the floor.

“It’s not puppy eyes, it’s my eyes. And you like my eyes.”

“Shut up,” I snort, my face heating nonetheless. Such a good thing that I don’t blush. “It’s a boring story anyway.”

“Try me.” I shake my head before his persistence, focusing back on the chimney. “It’s either that or High School Musical.”

“You never give up, do you?”

His only response is a wide grin and I’m a bit late look away, suddenly needing to think of something else. Girl, you need to stop thinking with your pants.

“Fine, so...” I clear my throat, giving him a look as he settles more comfortably against the sofa. “The first Lightbringers were humans, witch hunters–”

“Shocker.”

“Interrupt me one more time and I’ll leave you hanging.” The witch nods, frowning a bit so as to look serious. “We’re not that old, actually. The first clan originates from Europe, back in the middle-ages. The Witch community was facing a rise of dark magic, so they gathered all of their leaders from everywhere and agreed that they needed people to watch over them. Not people with actual magic at their disposal, because they could succumb to the darkness too, but people whose sole purpose would be to eradicate users of dark magic. They found witch hunters who were willing to listen to what they had to say, like, ‘not all witches are evil’ and stuff. It took time to gather enough of them to form a clan, but when they did, they all signed a treaty that defined our jurisdiction – witches and only witches – and that engaged our word that we wouldn’t seek to cause the good witch community any harm. In exchange, witches gave us the ability to see; we could now tell at first sight who was a witch and who was, say, a vampire.”

He nods, listening intently, and his Light shimmers about peacefully. “But this sight, our abilities, we’re not born with it; we train hard to earn it and we give it back when we retire. We’re not a kind per se, we’re a product of witches. They created us, gave us our Lights and a glimmer of power to fight magic, but not too much so we wouldn’t overpower them. We were strong, fast, immune to internal magic,” I give him a sideway glance and he smiles, “but we weren’t stronger than witches by any means. We had to learn how to fight and how to use our brains to counter them, blending into the shadow to strike when they would expect it less. No mess, no scandal. Over time, it simply became our sacred duty to rid the earth of dark magic. We were to bring the light back into the world.”

I smile to myself, remembering when my mom and dad used to tell us these stories; all those ancient battles against evil witches, some of which they probably invented just to entertain us. “Then, when the canon of darkness evolved, we evolved with it. Witches don’t need to use dark magic to do bad things. It became more about watching them, assessing what they would use their powers for, and when they’d cross the line, it would be on us to take them out.”

I exhale, thinking to myself that it’s way more than anyone else knows.

“So you’re basically here because witches needed their own police,” he says.

“You can see it like that,” I smile, “but it doesn’t mean we answer to them. We’re independent; impartial. Hence why they don’t know about us and we’re not supposed to be friends or anything.”

“You’re such an outlaw,” he mocks gently.

“Tell me about it.”

I get lost in thoughts for a while, going once more over my mistakes. I’ve been trying to find that defining moment when I went astray. Was it when I told Luke about us? When I blew my cover for the knife? Or when I let Kai live, when he was catatonic at Jo’s, because Luke and Liv asked me to? I know I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been their friend. I would have simply killed him; problem solved. I bring my knees to my chest and rest my cheek on them, watching my witch for a while. Such a different man from what he used to be.

I know my role is to watch and assess, get to know my targets and decide whether they’re good or not, and my judgement is usually pretty good, but when I look at Kai Parker, although I can’t deny I’ve been sketching an entirely new character lately, one that goes straight into the column for approval, there’s still a part of me that wants to step away. Both a former instinct and a moral obligation that command me to stay clear and end him when I get the chance.

I know he can see it sometimes; I know he can tell, by the way I look at him, that I’m miles away from our conversations, and he usually leaves me to my thoughts and my ghosts until I come back to our perpetual present. In these moments, I can tell he assesses me as well, and I would give a lot to know exactly what is going on in this sharp mind of his; he’s like a complex set of mechanics I’m trying to decipher and understand until there is no mystery left.

We share a long look and I realize I’ve been doing that again, I’ve been pondering over taking his life – which is not even an option anymore – or leaving him be. And there, I can see it: he won’t say anything, but this softness and sadness I can make out, right before his eyes drop to the floor, I’ve come to know this as a silent apology. For everything he’s done that hurt so many people, including him; for having no way to fix what he destroyed; for being alive and healthy while so many people died because of him. He’ll never stop being sorry, and as long as he keeps the truth about him a secret, he’ll never be able to say it aloud, not to the people who truly matter.

“Right now,” he whispers, scanning my face, “what are you thinking about?”

I stare a second longer, not really caring that he can read my face, before looking away to the fire. I don’t know what I think anymore. I don’t know what’s right and I don’t know what’s wrong. You’re the bad guy on my list, but you’re Liv and Luke’s brother; you’re the monster that brought hell to their home one night, and you’re the boy who wanted to be loved; you’re the man who killed my best friend, and you’re the man who’s grieving one more sibling that died because of him; you are supposed to be my enemy and you are unexpectedly becoming my friend. You’re the villain and I’m the hero who kills villains. But you’re not an evil witch anymore, and I’m not a good Lightbringer anymore; you’ve been trying to help the Mystic gang  when called upon, and I’ve been building illegal friendships and alliances all over the place.

I mean, who’s a villain and who’s the good one? It feels like we’ve both entered this zone for the morally greys; who am I to tell that he should stay in prison or die? Who am I to deny him a second chance he so badly wants, while I _know_ my future in the clan is going to be based on a second chance? Never thought that could happen.

“I was thinking that it’s a relief you’re leader now, because I don’t have to worry about taking you out anymore. I’m not sure I could.” I don’t look back at him and he doesn’t comment; we stare at the fire, trying to make sense of our existence, trying to hold on to the slightest silver of hope that we’ll leave this purgatory someday.

            When we head upstairs, I hold my breath and take the witch’s hand and he squeezes. We need to stay in this world, I repeat in my mind over and over again, we need to be here when they come. We linger in front of my door and I chew on my lip. When did I become such a chicken?

“It’ll be fine.”

“Right,” I nod, not buying it for a second.

“Hey, look,” he says before pressing his hand flat on my door and muttering a chant.

“What did you do?”

“I cast a spell on your door; from now on, only you and I can open it.”

“Seriously?” I ask, more than doubtful.

“Did you ever see me fail at magic?”

“Once,” I say, tilting my head, “the night we met.”

“Ah, but I was trying to get you with internal magic, to which you are immune. That doesn’t count.”

“Alright,” I sigh, giving this door a skeptical look.

“I’m going to cast the exact same spell on my door,” he adds, and he looks so confident right now that I’m ready to believe anything he says, “if anything happens, you come get me, okay?”

            I nod and he gives me a reassuring smile, holding stare longer than necessary. “Alright, off to bed now. See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” I say.

“Goodnight.”


	29. Chapter 29

Twenty-nine

 

“Would it make things better for you?” he asks.

“I gotta be honest: it would,” I answer.

The witch is leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping his second coffee while listening to my suggestion. He really is considering it, I think.

“When Alice finds out she can’t have you killed, she’s gonna assign an entire legion of Lightbringers to monitor your every move, and I’m gonna get suspended. Now if we come up with a solid alliance proposal, she might actually think about it. And it’s win-win: I don’t face court martial and you only get to report directly to her every now and then.”

“We wouldn’t be working together?”

            He gestures to me and him, and I tilt my head with a wince.

“I’m pretty sure Alice will forbid that. She and I are gonna have a major trust issue when I tell her; she won’t let me on such a case.”

“I can make it a condition,” he offers and I lower my gaze, holding back a smile.

“I’m not sure she’ll care about your conditions.”

“Look, from what I’ve gathered, these alliances only work when there’s trust. I mean, our dads, you and my brother… I don’t know your sister; I don’t trust her and I’m pretty sure she won’t trust me.”

            I sigh and rest the back of my head on the wall behind me. He’s right. The problem is, she won’t trust me either. _God_ , this would have been so much easier with Luke.

“She’ll probably assign Jared to you,” I whisper, lost in thoughts.

“I don’t wanna deal with Jared,” he retorts firmly, “I don’t even know who Jared is.”

“He’s my superior,” I shrug, “and she trusts him better than anyone else in our clan–”

“What about me, what about who _I_ trust?”

            I look up to see his blue eyes piercing mine with honesty. I suddenly want to deny it, state it loud and clear that just because we’re getting to know each other doesn’t mean we _trust_ each other. Trust is what Luke and I had, it’s what Liv and I nearly had. I could name a hundred people that I trust about at least one thing and insist on the fact that it’s nowhere near what _we_ have. I’m pretty sure I could trust Rick to have my back in a fight, and Damon, and maybe even Jo and Bonnie and Little Gilbert...

I feel the need to make all that very clear to him, to insist on it, but then I remember all those nights we spent in the living room; hours of talking and sharing on our pasts, on our wishes and hopes for the future. I know things about Kai that I bet no one else knows, not even his family. I probably know him better than anyone else right now and saying that I don’t trust him at all would be a lie. I look away.

“I don’t think she’ll ever agree to assign me to you; or to anyone else for that matter.”

“Come on, let’s not go for a pity parade just yet,” Kai says more lightly, “Your big sister actually is the boss and your dad used to be leader; you must be the second most important person in your clan, that must mean something.”

            I snort bitterly and he lifts an inquiring brow. “Actually, I’m third. Alice is leader, she named her husband first lieutenant and she named me second lieutenant. That makes me third.”

“See? Just because you slipped and started caring about my siblings, like the human, good-hearted person you are, doesn’t mean your career in the witch police is over.”

“If you ever meet my sister,” I wince, “please, _please_ , don’t ever call her witch police.”

            He chuckles and I almost smile. Silence stretches and his own smile fades.

“Would it make it better for you if I peacefully agreed to Jared monitoring me?” he asks quietly.

            My face falls and I watch him intently, unsure of how I feel about this idea. Lots of mixed feelings. I mean, it would definitely be a good way for me to retire and actually get an ordinary life, but then– I shrug.

“When the time comes, I’m pretty sure you’ll have to think of your coven before thinking of what could make things better for me, so…” I trail off and manage a half-convinced smile.

“Look, I know I can’t bring him back, just like I can’t bring my other siblings back…” My eyes shoot to the floor and he closes his, swallowing hard. “I can’t die– not without my entire coven dying as well so it means I have a good sixty years ahead of me. Now I’ll probably never find it in me to _ask_ for forgiveness, but I’ve got to try and make things right; with my sisters, for– destroying our family and ruining their lives; with you, for…taking him from you; him and that future you guys had.”  

I chew on my lip to keep the tears from falling. I do not want to be talking about this; I do not want to hear any of this. “My entire life is going to be about making it up to people I’ve hurt. So if I can make it better between you and your clan somehow…” He trails off, watching silent tears roll down my cheeks but I won’t meet his eyes. Somehow, it was so much easier when he didn’t care. He was the enemy and I could loathe him as much as I wanted; things were clear. Now it’s an incredible mess and I feel completely lost. I know he’s probably waiting for a deep, meaningful answer from me but I can’t. I can’t have this kind of conversation.

“Thanks,” I mutter with a nod.

            And it’s all I can do to acknowledge his effort; I leave the kitchen and spend the morning crying in my bed.

 

*********

 

            I toss in bed and exhale impatiently. I only sleep every other night now, genuinely incapable of closing my eyes when I’m not exhausted. Several nights have gone by since the incident with my door and I gotta say, nothing happened since then. Kai doesn’t go downstairs at night anymore and I haven’t heard the slightest creak in the corridor in nights. Could it be possible that I invented it? Was it a nightmare or a half-dream while I was falling asleep? I mean, when you think about it, we are alone in this world, right?

            I exhale once more. Days are getting long, blending into more weeks, hour by hour, and I can’t figure out why no one has come yet. Will they ever? I turn to the other side and freeze. My heart starts racing as I listen hard, praying to be wrong; but the floor creaks again outside my bedroom, and my instinct tells me it’s not him. It’s too quiet. Knowing how paranoid I’ve been getting over this, my witch would light up the candles and make honest sounds if going downstairs. I reach for the dagger under my pillow and sit up in bed. I must keep calm; I can handle this.

            The handle turns and I hear the click signaling it’s unlocked. I get up and prepare for a fight; but nothing happens. The handle turns and turns again, so slowly, so carefully, I wouldn’t have heard it in my sleep. A cold sweat creeps up along my spine and I keep my eyes locked on that door. It won’t open. The floor creaks again, growing distant, and I let out a sigh of relief. The spell held. I know I would have killed before asking but I’m really, really grateful the situation didn’t occur.

I keep standing for a long time, pondering. My stomach still twists with anguish and my palms are getting sweaty. I’m dying not to stay alone is this room but I can’t bring myself to step any closer to the door. Minutes go by as I listen and listen and listen. Nothing. I can’t feel any presence anymore but sometimes I do and I wonder whether my fears aren’t making it up for me. Staying here would be safe, right? The spell on the door has proved efficient; I should just wait for the morning.

            I know I should; but this silence is unbearable and so is the loneliness. I don’t feel safe at all and I know I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. I exhale once more and clench my jaw. I am a freaking Lightbringer, I police witches twice as powerful as me, and I shall not be bullied by some mysterious presence. You have a problem with that? deal with my blade. Chin up, I let the supernatural surplus into my system and make for the door without thinking twice about it.

            The corridor is empty so I don’t waste time: I head to my witch’s room with supernatural speed and actually pray he didn’t lie when he said I could open it as well; I don’t think I have it in me to go back now. Gratitude and relief spread through me as I open the door and slip into the room, carefully locking it behind me.

            I rest my back on the wood until my heartbeat settles down. I look around and, in the dark, I can only make out approximate shapes of furniture: the wardrobe, the desk, the bed. Of course, I can perceive Kai’s Light, peacefully living about within the shape of his body. I wedge the door with a chair and walk up to the side of the bed he’s not using. I settle under the blanket, setting the dagger under my pillow and watch the door intently.

            I have no idea how long I keep watch like this, not as tense as before because I’m not alone, but definitely not relaxed since my housemate is fast asleep. I almost start when he stirs and gasps.

“No,” he whispers weakly and I frown. He doesn’t say a word for a while but the lines of his face are distorted and he contorts in his sleep, as if he were trying to break free. “No,” he pleads again and I sit up.

“Kai?”

“Don’t hurt them; please, don’t hurt them.” He clutches the sheets and starts crying, begging and begging for _it_ to stop. I swallow hard and reach for his hand, his arm.

“Kai,” I call as softly as I can, “You’re having a nightmare.”

“Please, don’t do it,” he cries and my throat tightens.

            His forehead is covered in sweat; I keep brushing it and talking to him, trying to wake him as gently as I can. When his eyes finally shoot open, he gasps for air. A second goes by before he abruptly tackles me to the mattress, his hands pressing around my throat.

“Don’t do it,” he orders, his voice breaking. “I won’t let you.”

He’s still dreaming. After the surprise, I use supernatural strength to at least clear his hands from my throat but he’s still pinning me to the bed, obviously seeing me as a threat. I don’t want to shove him though; I don’t want to add violence to whatever he just went through, so I call his name several times, keeping his arms away as softly and firmly as I can.

“Parker, wake up; it’s me, Andy.”

“Andy?” he repeats after a while, when I see his gaze shift. He’s awake now, aware of who I am.

“Yeah,” I breathe.

            He watches me for a moment, frowning, probably trying to piece everything together then he asks, “Where are they?”

            I swallow, a lump forming in my throat. “They’re gone,” I whisper.

            He stares, and I know he understands when tears gather in his eyes.

“I did it, didn’t I.” My witch looks at his hands, lost, and I wonder whether he can still see the blood. He draws a shaky breath and his chin shakes. “How did I get here?”

“Um… Bonnie left you in 1903?” I offer, not sure it’s the best way to comfort him.

“No, I mean, how did I– Was it me the whole time?”

“What?”

“I don’t… remember coming to your room.” I understand his puzzlement now and I bite my lip.

“You didn’t sleepwalk or anything– this is your room; I’m the one who came.”

            He watches me again and it’s like the information doesn’t register right away. He finally nods and I gingerly pull out of his grasp. I glance over at the door suspiciously but don’t voice my concerns; I think we’ve had our share of emotions for tonight. “Go back to sleep,” I say, “I’ll keep watch.”

            He nods again and settles back on his side of the bed. I imitate him, clenching the dagger under my pillow, and watch both my witch and the door. His eyes are closed but I can hear his difficult breath and the sniffs as he probably tries to calm down. I reach out and take his hand; he squeezes and eventually falls back asleep.

 

*******

 

“… _Welcome to a new kind of tension, all across the alienation, where everything isn’t meant to be okay; Television dreams of tomorrow, we’re not the ones who’re meant to follow, for that’s enough to argue **[1]**_ …”

            Kai tilts his head in rhythm, taping his fingers on his knee. When I finish the song, he reaches for the chips bag, offering me one. I lean forward and carefully grab it between my teeth, not willing to use greasy fingers on my guitar for the world – yeah, it’s _my_ guitar now.

“I’m starting to think it’s their best album,” he comments.

“Look at you, warming up to twenty-first century already.”

“I never said I didn’t like twenty-first century,” he objects with a smile, “I mean, I have the Internet on my phone, how insane is that?”

“That’s pretty normal nowadays, you know.”

“I can’t believe I actually miss Twitter.”

“That’s because you don’t know Instagram yet,” I smirk, strumming a chord. “Hey, do you remember that?”

            I start playing and singing, making faces to stress some lines when they fit; it always makes him laugh when I do that.   “… _Ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, we called it off again last night but ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, this time, I’m telling you, I’m telling you; We, are never ever ever, getting back together; We, are never ever ever getting back together; You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me **[2]**_ …”

“Did we… dance on that?” he asks after the chorus and I nod, grinning.

            We did; the night we met. I don’t remember all the songs we danced on that night but I do remember this one because Jess came to find me. That was a lifetime ago. I sigh; I do miss Jess and Tina. They must think I went missing and I don’t picture anyone from the Mystic gang telling them ‘Oh, no, she’s fine! She’s having some time off in a wintery prison world; we’ll get her out soon enough. Maybe.’

            We linger downstairs and I come up with other songs I’ve been working on during the day. It’s funny how our nighttime has become the moment I’m most looking forward to. I do prefer it when we go over to ‘94 for a movie or videogames or even a walk in the warm-enough streets of Mystic Falls, but I do enjoy our talks in the warm, cozy living room, between two songs and whatever treat we’re eating that night. I can’t even picture another way to spend nighttime anymore. What am I gonna do when we get out? Not that I’m getting too much attached to him by any means, I’m just– just used to our routine and it feels weird to think that everything will change soon; I hope. I think.

            When he yawns, I sense my smile wear off. Here comes my least favorite part of 1903: sleeping time. We silently share a glance and I set my guitar aside. The witch gets up and offers me his hand; I take it and hold it on our way to his room. It’s been fine for the last few days, no reason why it wouldn’t be fine tonight.

 

.

[1] _American Idiot_ , in ‘American Idiot’, by Green Day, 2004

[2] _We are never ever getting back together_ , in ‘Red’, by Taylor Swift, 2012


	30. Chapter 30

Thirty

 

            I turn on my back and watch the witch sleep for some time. He didn’t have any nightmare last night; I’m guessing he’s just too exhausted to even dream sometimes, but it’s a good thing. His face looks peaceful; I examine his profile, the line of his nose, his jaw, his neck, his covered chest – he’s been wearing tee shirts at night ever since I first joined him, and I didn’t even need to ask. His arm is resting loosely toward me and I remember we fell asleep holding hands. I swallow and look up at the ceiling, then the window.

            The sun is up but I really don’t want to go outside and train right now; I want to stay here under the blanket and– I exhale and give a sideway glance toward my witch. He’s far away on his side of the bed but I can almost feel the warmth of his body and I simply ache to roll over and snuggle. This is ridiculous. Just because I haven’t been with a guy in weeks – alright, maybe a couple months – doesn’t excuse this. We never _ever_ cross the invisible frontier between us in this bed and I’m perfectly good with that – as I should be. Cuddling with my only company in this world would be the worst idea ever; besides I’m the one who invaded his room, he probably doesn’t even want me here in the first place.

            I exhale again and push the blanket away. Better get that frustration out of my system before I end up jumping him in his sleep. Absolutely ridiculous.

 

*******

 

“No, I’m saying I also have good memories with my family,” he shrugs, “I was a normal kid, you know; with feelings and dreams; my parents were just unusually unfair to me, which made me unusually miserable. And my unusual way of coping with it involved an unusual spell going wrong and me carelessly killing everybody.”

            He adds this lightly, as if it were a joke but I know better; it’s unbearable for him to think back about that night and realize once the spell was cast, there was no stopping it. I hug my coat closer to me and readjust my scarf as we keep walking in the snow. The sky is starting to darken; I slow down and motion for us to head back.

“But it wasn’t terrible all the time, right?” I say, hoping he did have some time off the suffering.

            He tilts his head and I see his gaze look far away before us.

“Not the whole time,” he admits, “We just weren’t the warmest family; it sometimes felt like we were nothing more than a magic company and I was the least favorite employee who’d always screw things up.”

            He bends down and gathers some snow in his hands and I watch him as he models it into a round ball, perfect for battle. I look up at him and see the playful light in his eyes. Mine widen as I understand that he’s actually gonna shoot.

“Kai Parker,” I warn, stepping away from the witch, “I swear to God, if you hit me with that thing–” He doesn’t miss and I feel the blow against my arm; the witch is already bending over, gathering snow.

“This is war,” I declare, bending down as well.

“Oh, yeah?” he chuckles, throwing another snowball at me. “You think you’re gonna hit me with that?”

“Dude, born and raised in Vermont,” I smirk as my snowball lands right on his chest. “I’m _so_ ending you.”

            Ensues a frantic battle for several minutes. I must say, that witch is a good thrower but I have years and years of training in the schoolyard; I’m way better at this. As snow keeps falling, the storm getting nearer and nearer, I march on him, delivering an avalanche on my opponent. When I get closer, I can make out his grin and his low laughter.

“ _Invisique_ ,” he chants, and disappears instantly.

“Don’t you _Invisique_ on me, Kai Parker!” I shout indignantly, looking around me.

            I can’t see him anymore but I believe I can sense his presence – his Light isn’t gone by any means, it’s just well camouflaged. I suddenly duck and tackle him with a well-calculated kick.

“ _Visique_ ,” I hear and he appears on the ground next to me, laughing like a child.

“Not funny,” I try not to laugh as well and I shove him. Laughter dies on his lips and we end up holding gaze, allowing once more one of these momentums to shape the silence, and I know for a fact that in normal circumstances, I’d either kiss the guy or let him kiss me; and I’d go home with him. I actually almost did, back when I didn’t know who he was. Kinda regret I didn’t. I mean, it would have been okay to spend a night with him when I didn’t know, right? But then… he’s not a lunatic killer anymore, the merge broke his accidental, self-inflicted curse. Would it be this wrong to– Once again, I push the thought away, as well as all the ideas he inspires. Damn, girl. This is getting deplorable.

“You’re different,” I say in a low voice. He doesn’t react right away, watching me as if to define whether I’m attacking him or being nice; damn, am I such a bitch to him?

“Different how?” In everything. You’re a brand new person, and I don’t know how I should think of you anymore.

“Just… different.” I shrug and he closes his eyes, offering his face to the dance of snowflakes around us. No matter how hard I stare and try to find the hard lines of the merciless killer I once fought, there is nothing but softness.

“I feel different,” he says. He opens his eyes, smiling at my arched brow. “It’s weird in the sense that… I’m back to being me, like, for real, you know. No… scary and disturbing appetite for violence or any sort of bloodshed. Just me, with my… first-world problems and fears and daily rays of sunshine when I don’t burn the toasts.” I can’t hold half a smile at that, finding him very human and very normal at the moment. “My feelings are back and… it hurts. A lot. But I never thought I’d be this glad to have them, like, to have something that simply keeps you in check and prevents you from doing the worst things possible. I mean, you don’t really aspire to become a hateful monster when growing up, unless your family has ties with the mob, you just… kinda know you won’t be a perfect saint, but you have this implicit expectation that you’ll be a good-enough kind of person, which I kinda was. And now there’s… this blurry and twisted memory of the past eighteen years, and the constant nightmares to remind me of the worst night of my life. I’ve got the pain, the guilt, probably a psychological trauma linked to all that, but all of this… this is me somehow. I know I have to compose with the bad and the ugly but, I also have magic now. My own magic, created with the blood and the screams of my family.” He closes his eyes, shaking his head to himself. “Isn’t ironic? That I didn’t care about it when Jo and I would share without knowing, and it’s only when I was deprived of it that I felt the crave for it, like, I _had_ to siphon at least a little bit to feel okay, and I longed for it my entire life, because I wanted them to accept me and when I finally get it… there’s no one left to be accepted by.”

I swallow, trying to keep away the thought of Luke, and focus on him and his story. My witch slowly raises a hand, and I watch his Light shimmer about and lift some snowflakes in the air before our eyes, lazily shaping them at a silent command of his wrist and fingers. “I’d give it back in the second if it could erase it all,” he whispers, his eyes absorbed with the snow. We don’t speak for a moment, until he tires of his occupation and motions the white powder to lay back where it was.

“And of course, to make my punishment even better, I got my brother’s best quality. Empathy. Compassion. I had these before, of course, but having his lot added to mine… feeling the pain and the guilt double, that’s quite cruel. Not that I don’t deserve it, I know I do, it’s just… hard. And that’s how it’s always gonna be.”

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t look up but has this sad delusional smile that is beginning to pain me every time I see it. “Don’t be. I did all this. It’s only fair that I should pay the price.”

I open my mouth but catch myself before I speak. It’s not my place to blame his parents and coven for everything, but I can’t help thinking that none of this would have happened if they’d just let him be a normal kid in their family. Now that his feelings are back, now that he can see the consequences of his choices, it’s like he’s welcoming the pain and remorse as a fair punishment; he’s willing to take full responsibility for everything, and I know I shouldn’t want to defend him, but I can’t help thinking that he may have pulled the trigger, but he wasn’t the one who loaded the gun.

The wind starts howling around us and I shiver. “Home?”

He gives me the warmest smile. “Home.”

 

*****

 

“Here you go; extra marshmallows” I say, carefully handing him his mug.

“Oh, yes,” he whispers, gazing at the beverage like it’s the most beautiful thing ever. “Thank you.”

            I sit down on the floor next to him, cautious not to spill my cocoa, and settle against the sofa. I hide a smile in my mug as I watch him smell his with delight.

“If you want me to leave you alone with that mug, just tell me,” I joke.

“I mean, all those baby marshmallows,” he grins happily, “you spoil me.”

            I stop myself from joking ‘Someone has to’, awfully aware he’s had his fair share of crappy-childhood-talk for today. “Careful, though,” he warns lightly, “if you keep treating me this well when we go back, Steven’s gonna get jealous.”

            My head snaps to him and his smile somewhat fades.

“I was– I was joking; because we joke now and I thought– Okay, too soon to joke about boyfriends; got it.”

“It’s fine, I just– Um… Steven isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Right,” he snorts, not buying it.

“I’m serious.”

“It’s fine,” the witch assures me with a smirk. “It’s private; you don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Steven isn’t my boyfriend; he never was. We were… _friends_ , for a while.”

“Friends,” he repeats with all the emphasis he can come up with before laughing.

“Shut up,” I nudge him. “I don’t do boyfriends anyway.”

“Right, so you only _do_ friends,” he mocks and I nudge him again.

“Shut up. All the boyfriend-drama is so not worth having.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Mm-mm,” I nod, taking a sip. “I mean, can you picture yourself telling a girl on second date ‘hey, did I mention I’m this crazy powerful witch and I do coven-stuff every other weekend with my family? You can join for next merge if you want; they’re kinda cool and I’m leader so I get a plus one…’,” I trail off and he chuckles.

“I would _definitely_ wait for third date.”

“I mean, no boyfriend equals no lying about my missions or my family.” I shrug. “I only get the good moments and I don’t have to deal with the guy’s questions or concern or whatever.  Just saying: secrecy is a major deal breaker.”

“Sounds like a true story, here,” he comments before sipping, waiting for more.

            I shake my head and take another sip, gazing at the fire.

“Well, if you must know, back in high school there was… Tom. I was… crazy about him of course,” I say, smiling with nostalgia. “We got together by the end of senior year and, for the first time since my mom died, I was happy. And then, after graduation, Alice started sending me more often on missions and… I couldn’t tell him where I was going or why I was leaving so often. We tried living together for a while but it was… heavy, having to lie to him constantly.”

I tighten my grip on the mug and hold on to the warmth it spreads in my palms. “We broke up within a year and… I haven’t been doing boyfriends ever since.” I shrug again. “It’s easier that way for people like me.”

“Weren’t you allowed to tell him? About your clan.”

“Maybe… I don’t think he could have lived with it, though. I’m not much into dragging humans into supernatural stories, to be honest.” Silence stretches for a while and I chuckle. “I did kill the mood, didn’t I?”

“No,” he assures. He then tells me about this girl he dated when he was in college, Kate. He didn’t feel like a parasite when he was with her, they were simply in love. She didn’t know he was a witch, of course, so the authenticity of their relationship had their limits, but at least she didn’t reject him on the basis of magic. There was nothing wrong with him in her eyes, he was an average guy, and it felt real. He hadn’t thought of her in years; things abruptly stopped between them when he was sent to his ‘94 prison world, and it’s not like emotionless-him missed her for all these years. “I wonder what she’s become.” he slightly frowns. “Of course she’d be forty today; she probably got married and expects child number two. Hm.”

            His face falls as he stares at the fire. It must be so weird to come back to the present after all these years, knowing that the entire world has moved on but you. He must miss his former life, or at least part of it. Kai clears his throat and forces a smile on his lips as he faces me. “So,” he says in a lighter tone that signals his wish to change the subject, “you didn’t tell me how you seduced Tom in the first place; did you serenade him? With those High School Musical songs you won’t play for me?”

“No,” I snort, smiling wearily at him. “We basically started hanging out together when he realized I even existed.”

“Come on,” he teases, “I bet you had all the boys wrapped around your little finger.”

“That would be Alice.” I wince in apology for not having an interesting story to share. “She was the popular one, one of the coolest girls in school; I was no one.”

“I don’t believe that.” I try to look away. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t like how precious and valued I feel when he looks at me. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t able to feel anything for so long, but when he looks at me and smiles at me with so much unfiltered fondness… it feels particularly authentic and my heart melts almost instantly.

“It’s true, though; I was not cool. And when Tom did notice my existence, I was the good friend for the longest time, whishing I’d be next girlfriend. I know, it’s pathetic.” I smile, embarrassed, and his fond smile only stretches.

“No, it’s cute; tell me more.”

“Nah,” I say, grabbing my guitar and strumming a random chord.

“Good call,” he nods. “There’s probably a Taylor Swift song about it, entitled _The coolest girl in the neighborhood_.”

“Shut up,” I say, yet thinking of a song that did strike a chord when it came out. “How do you feel about country music?”

“Terrible,” he answers with a playful wince.

“Perfect,” I grin, “you’re on for the story of my life.” I start playing and he settles more comfortably against the sofa. “ _You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset; she’s going off about something that you said, ‘cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do **[1]**_ –”

“True,” he comments and I snort.

“… _I’m in my room; it’s a typical Tuesday night, I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like and she’ll never know your story like I do_ –”

“Also true.”

“… _but she wears shorts, skirts; I wear tee-shirts; she’s cheerleader captain and I’m on the bleachers, dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find out what you’re looking for has been here the whole time_ …”

            The witch nods during the chorus and I believe he starts understanding how uncool my high school experience was. Not that it was horrible, by any means, I never got bullied or things like that. I just wasn’t as confident as I am now, I guess. I begin second verse and can’t prevent myself from playfully nodding at him, “ _Walk in the streets with_ you _and your worn out jeans, I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be; laughing on a park bench thinking to myself, ‘hey isn’t this easy?’ And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town; I haven’t seen in a while since she brought you down; you say you’re fine I know you better than that; hey what you doing with a girl like that?_...”

            Did I just _gaze_ at his mouth while singing that line about a smile? Wow, good job, Andy. Really. Just finish that song and be done with it. God, it’s not like I’ve been living for this smile for the last few days. I make even more ridiculous faces as I sing; like a terrible actor saying the most important lines of her life. He begins laughing again and I relax. I’d rather make him laugh than have him watch me intently from beginning to end; that has been making me a bit uncomfortable lately. Not that he would look at me in a bad way, just– Focus on your song.

            I grin as I remember singing this one along with my suitemates – Jess loved this one so much we sang it _way_ too often. I keep my eyes riveted to the frets as I let music and lyrics pour out. I love these moments of near-normalcy I get from simply playing and singing at times; it’s like the real world isn’t that far. I play the bridge like a pro, I must say, and though I notice a slight acceleration, I do manage to fall back in rhythm pretty quickly. This part kinda always gets me.

“… _Oh, I remember you driving to my house, in the middle of the night; I’m the who makes you laugh, when you know you’re ‘bout to cry; I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams; think I know where you belong; think I know it’s with me. Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you? Been here all along so why can’t you see, you belong with me_?..”

            Though Taylor Swift has become kind of an inside joke – but then, we wouldn’t be the only ones – I should try and remember more songs by popular boys bands. That would be _so_ funny! When the song ends, he claps cheerfully, offering me a smile that warms my heart, and I try not to hold on too much to his fond gaze. Stop that, woman; immediately.

“Had you sang that to dearest-Tom, back then,” he says almost seriously, “I’m pretty sure he would have married you on the spot.”

“He would have laughed and went on with his day,” I correct.

“Can’t beat High School Musical,” he admits and I shake my head in disbelief.

“You are impossible.”

I search for the right chords and start playing; the witch tilts his head with half a smile, not sure whether I am finally taking his request. “The guy,” I say before brooding mysteriously and singing in a mocking low voice, “ _Living in my own world; didn’t understand that anything can happen when you take a chance_. The girl,” I add, singing higher and ridiculously batting my lashes while he laughs, “ _I never believed in what I couldn’t see, I never opened my heart to other possibilities… ooh, I know **[2]**_ …”

            I can’t help but grin in anticipation to his reaction when he’ll realize I am finally complying with his all-time request. He can be such a teenage-girl. And indeed, I am not disappointed when I get to the chorus and his whole face lights up.

“Here we go,” he beams, tapping on his knee in rhythm. I shake my head and keep emphasizing the lines so he can tell which one of the two is supposed to be singing. By the time I begin the second verse, I’m deep into that game. Throwback Thursday is definitely becoming a thing around here.

“ _Now who’d have ever thought that, mm, we’d both be here tonight?_ –”

“Right?”

“… _Yeah; And the world looks so much brighter, oh with you by my side_ –”

“Oh, that’s definitely the Light,” he jokes and I chuckle.

“… _I know that something has changed; never felt this way; I know it for real, this could be the start of something new, it feels so right to be here with you, oh, and now looking in your eyes, I feel in my heart, the start of something new_ …”

It’s not that easy to keep fake-brooding over the guy’s lyrics, given that I can’t help grinning when my witch laughs so heartily, it makes me want to laugh too but I gotta keep going ‘cause I’m _never_ singing this song again – that would make him way too happy and way too annoying. I continue overdoing it nonetheless, because it’s ridiculously fun and also to make it clear that this is not about us or anything – this song obviously works for any pair spending the night together. I didn’t use to be so mindful about the lyrics before, I would just sing a song and that’s what it was: a song. Now I feel like everything I say could be taken the wrong way, and though I don’t mind the way he looks at me, I don’t know how I even got there.

At the end, he claps again, playfully pursing his lips.

“Alright, just say it already,” I give in.

“You totally serenaded me,” he grins.

            I roll my eyes and sigh. “You got your cheesy teenage song, are you happy now?”

“Oh my God,” he chuckles, “you were right: you’re never gonna hear the end of this.”

 

 

* * *

[1] _You belong with me_ , in ‘Fearless’, by Taylor Swift, 2008

[2] _Start of Somtheing New_ , in ‘High School Musical’, multi interpreter, 2006


	31. Chapter 31

Thirty-one

 

“Are you kidding me,” I grit.

I remember I’m not alone and look up to meet a blue-grey gaze. “Sorry,” I incline my head in apology, “I’ll be quiet.”

            He shakes his head to himself and goes back to writing. We’ve been sitting at the kitchen table this morning; Kai with a letter and me with my book. I’ve managed to read over half of _Jane Eyre_ during the past few days and I seriously have a chance to crush my Brit Lit final if I make it back in time. If I ever make it back, that is.

I go back to reading and squint almost immediately. I know, I _know_ , that it was written during Victorian era and I _know_ that men were like that and it was normal but _God_ , are they seriously getting on my nerves. I shake my head a couple times and chew on my lip as I keep going, until one more line gets the best of me and I snap, “ _God_ , are you for real!”

            When I look up, my witch is arching a brow at me but I won’t even smile back; I’m just too angry with this shit. “Jane is great but I promise, these male characters are the worst,” I plead, scowling back at the book. “Like, I _know_ this is nineteenth century literature, legit; but they’re so damn annoying and… _patronizing!_ I mean, the whole ‘you, poor woman, let me; I’ll just _think_ for you, and speak for you, you poor _brainless_ creature’, what the hell! I mean, sorry, it’s just… damn!”

            When I look up again, chewing on my lip in order _not_ to start throwing things at the floor, my witch is no longer looking at me with amusement; there is something completely different in his fond gaze, something that gets my heart racing, though I’m still too angry to properly notice. “What,” I spit.

            He shakes his head, smiling to himself, and I actually want to slap him right now. What is wrong with me? I can’t just be angry with any man on earth because of fictional characters; that wouldn’t be fair, especially since there is only _one_ man on earth at the moment. But then, can someone _please_ wipe this smile off his stupid face? “Are you making fun of me?” I ask indignantly.

“I am not,” he assures, focusing back on his letter.

“Then what?”

“I… probably shouldn’t.”

“So much for being honest and trusting each other, right?” I say with irritation.

            He looks back up and purses his lips for a moment, pondering.

“Alright,” he says, straightening up, “remember you asked for it.” I squint in suspicion and he inhales deeply. “I was thinking about kissing you just now.”

            Hold. Rewind. What? I mean, _what_?

I stare for the longest time, trying to register.

“What?” I end up saying with a frown. “No–”

“Yes; yes, I was.” He inhales, monitoring my reaction but I don’t get it. It’s like he spoke and I can’t make anything of the words he just uttered. Did he use the word _kiss_? “Actually it’s not the first time that I think about it,” he adds in a low voice, trying to smile easily. He watches my reaction – or lack thereof – intently, his cheeks slightly coloring as silence lingers. Look away, girl. _Do not_ start thinking it’s cute. You’ve been coming short of cute guys to have fun with? Well, too bad Andy, ‘cause nothing about this man is cute. Nothing. 

“But you– I– I mean, _why_?”

 “Uh, you’re beautiful,” he offers, “attractive, smart, funny, strong–”

“I’m not– I’m not fishing for compliments,” I stop him, shutting my eyes so I don’t have to deal with his face, “I mean, why would you– I mean, this is _ridiculous_.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” I nod fervently, watching his skeptical frown. “We don’t even like each other; this is– wow– no.”

            He snorts in disbelief and powerlessly smiles at the table; my face falls. “What.”

“Andy, you and I really, _really_ like each other. I know circumstances have made us adversaries but… we do; we’ve liked each other for a while.”

“No, we don’t,” I protest with a frown. “And _that_ … that was a long time ago.”

“It’s okay,” he says almost sadly, “you like me, and you hate yourself for it.”

“None of this is true.” He nods and purses his lips, not convinced for a second.

“Suit yourself.”

“ _Excuse me_?” I snap.

“If that’s what you want to believe, be my guest. Who am I to tell you what to think–”

“Right? Thank you,” I spit, scowling at him as hard as I was just scowling at my book.

            He smiles at me with indulgence and I want to tear his eyes off; who said it was okay for him to look at me like that?  He goes back to his letter and I consider throwing the book at him; wouldn’t it be great for Jane Eyre to damage this perfect face? I try to cool down but my blood is literally boiling under my skin. If I were the blushing type, my face would be lobster-red right now. This is so ridiculous, how can he even say stuff like that?

            I keep scowling for a moment and when he looks up again, I squint.

“What?” he sighs.

“Why didn’t you?” I ask suspiciously.

“Is that a trick question?” he inquires with a smirk. The subtle coloring is coming back on his cheeks though. What is _wrong_ with him?

“No, it’s a question.” I try not to sound too cold. “You said you were considering it because of–reasons listed above, but you didn’t. Why.”

“First, because I know better than to kiss you against your will; I don’t have a death wish.”

            I squint some more at his mocking tone. He doesn’t add anything and I tilt my head.

“And?”

“And what?”

“You said ‘first’, I’m assuming there’s a ‘second’.” He looks away and rubs the back of his neck. My eyes instantly focus on that; on his hand, his neck – Wow. No.

“Alright, since we’re being one-way plainly honest today… You may have heard that I was in prison for the past eighteen years; alone. I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time, so…” He trails off and my anger sweeps away with his voice.

“So… what, you wouldn’t know how to kiss someone anymore?” He clenches his jaw, obviously not comfortable with this conversation, and I know I should stop; I got him to back off and I should stop to that, but I can’t help poking the bear. “You do realize you and I have kissed before.”

“Yeah, I was bleeding out on the kitchen floor,” he reminds me. “I was half-dead; it doesn’t count.”

            It doesn’t count. _It doesn’t count_. What is that supposed to mean? Now it’s my turn to clench my jaw. “Anyway,” he shrugs. “I guess I don’t want to have this experience with the police officer who’s gonna stalk me for the next sixty years.” He clears his throat and goes back to his writing. I angrily grab my book and get up.

“This is ridiculous,” I repeat, exiting the room.

 

*****

 

            I sort the clean dishes in the proper cabinets and distractedly wipe my hands again, gingerly avoiding looking at Kai. We haven’t talked since the morning and I took care to stay away all day, giving myself enough time to come up with a list of songs for tonight; only super appropriate lyrics, nothing that could be taken the wrong way. I have also been diligently pushing aside any thought that could remind me of this morning. I internally roll my eyes; how can he even–

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?” I start at the sound of his voice and briefly look up. My mistake.

“I am not,” I answer, focusing on folding that dishcloth to perfection.

“Andy, I grew up with the silent treatment and the scowling,” he reminds me. “You’re mad.”

            I shake my head. He walks towards me and I step away. “Come on, say something.”

“Actually, this morning’s conversation shall never be discussed again, so…”

            I trail off and take a breath. Good, Andy; you’re getting there.

“You asked me and I was honest,” he insists, trying to catch my eye. “I wouldn’t have if–”

“No, you were right,” I interrupt him gently. “I’d rather you always tell me the truth, even when I don’t like it.”

“When you don’t like it,” he repeats. “Wow.” He looks away and runs a hand over his mouth; I can almost hear him call himself an idiot.

“That’s not what I meant–”

“That’s what you said.” We hold gaze for the longest time today and he steps closer. “Look, can’t we just ignore it and go back to normal?”

“Sure, let’s do that.” I manage the best smile I can right now and he gently takes the dishcloth from my hands, not fooled, and I need to find something else to fiddle with. Suddenly feeling cornered, I walk out of the kitchen and he follows.

“Andy–”

“Let’s not– do this, okay?”

            He takes my hand and spins me around to face him.

“Look, I don’t know what to say to you; I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

            And here it is again, this barely-existent color on his cheeks. It’s so adorable, it makes me wanna grab him and kiss him.

“You didn’t offend me.”

“Then what is it? You won’t even look at me. I mean, is it that bad when a guy says he wants to kiss you?”

“Can you please stop saying that?” I ask, inevitably gazing at his lips.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he snaps. “I am. I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way, but you know what? You’re not the only one dealing with stuff here. You have no idea what it’s like to be falling for someone who hates you and who will never let herself fall for you.”

“Stop talking,” I whisper, still fighting the urge to lunge for his mouth.

            For the life of me, I cannot look away. Time seems to stop as he also becomes very aware of how close we stand. I watch him glance with envy between my eyes and my mouth, and I don’t move as he slowly leans in– only to avert his face and close his eyes in defeat. Is he shying away from this? I frown in confusion at his lack of confidence and that’s what he sees when he opens his eyes again: me, frowning. My heart starts racing in a different direction when he steps back, pained, and turns around; I don’t think, I’m only preoccupied with the idea that he wouldn’t dare kiss me, even when seeing I want him to.

I take his hand and it is my turn to make him face me; I lift my heels and lean in for his mouth. His entire body jerks back in surprise at first, and I wonder whether this was a good idea, but then he relaxes, his lips start moving along with mine and he slowly, hesitantly cups my face with his hands. That’s approximately when my brain decides to shut down, letting my body take control, choosing to revel in these sensations I have missed. I’d never thought of how precious it is to sense this familiar fever take over me, to relinquish control to another part of me that gladly takes the lead and guides me in a dance where only the gentle lips, the taste of apples and the building heat matter.

I let my hand run on the back of his neck, in his hair, and I press him closer to me. Boy, do I want this. My eagerness emboldens him to caress me anywhere his hands can reach. I hadn’t realized how large they are; they can cup my face so easily, soft and warm, and lift it where he wants it, mindfully tasting every shred of me I offer, as if this delicious experience were nothing more than a dream, a stolen moment of bliss that he can only welcome when it’s in his reach. I lift my heels to give him more, barely aware that I’m not only listening to my desires but also complying with his. His hands wonder on my body with a reverence that provokes an urgency in me; he is just as hungry as I am but he is so unsure, careful not to hold me too tight, slow enough to savor every caress, and I can’t get enough.  

We’re here, in the middle of the living room, making out like our lives depend on it, and a tempting fire wakens in my chest. I lose myself in this endless embrace, under his touch that brings my blood to a pleasant simmer. His hands are everywhere; in my hair, at the nape of my neck, grazing my sides; I moan again and lift my heels higher for more; more of him, of his touch, of his kiss, and he complies, pleasing me with all he has; I cannot get enough. The sensation of his ringed fingers on my skin reminds me this is not a kiss with just anyone – I am kissing Kai Parker, and I sure as hell am enjoying it. 

We stop a moment to breathe, his forehead resting on mine, but I keep my eyes closed. I am still enjoying the sensation of being held in a man’s arms – deliciously strong arms – and the warmth of his body against mine; I am not ready to face what just happened.

“That feels really good,” he whispers, his hot breath brushing my mouth, and I can picture his content smile. And what a smile. Right before reality grabs me back, his lips find mine again, soft and gentle, hungry but not insisting, and that is what sets me ablaze, this impression that he is holding back, that he won’t take want he wants; it makes me want more, and it is almost a battle of wills that I must win bit by bit, kiss by kiss, in order for him to comply.

            One moment, we’re devouring each other’s mouth, and the next we’re gazing at each other, panting, ready for another round, but I freeze. This is not– not what I had in mind– what did I have in mind? I forget how to build any thought and can only rely on a feeling that this is not a good idea, mainly because– well, for so many reasons, right?

            He caresses my lip with his thumb, dazed, and that awakes me somehow. I inhale and step out of his arms, only keeping a hand flat on his chest in order to stand – away from him mostly, but also because I can’t trust my legs right now.

“See? Nothing to worry about,” I say, trying to keep my voice light and casual. “You still got the hang of it.” I nod, as if saying ‘Good job, everybody’. He slightly frowns, lost, and reaches a hand to mine but I’m quicker at pulling away. “Goodnight then.”

            I don’t give him time to stop me: I head to my room without glancing back; I flee.

 

*******

 

            The next day is weirder than anything we’ve ever experienced. When he comes down for breakfast, I gather from his tired face that he got as little sleep as me. I act as normal as I can, smiling politely in his general direction and carefully avoiding his eyes. I focus on my plate and, as I keep tucking the same lock of hair behind my ear, I notice he rubs the back of his neck just as frequently. Looking back, I’d say we’re acting like nervous teenagers but right now, I know that if I don’t keep my hands to myself, I’m gonna be very inappropriate.

            We exchange a few words; small talk that sounds forced and tense, so we end up keeping silent. We get on with our day; me with _Jane Eyre_ , him with a letter, and I go to another room but I fail at focusing on anything I read; my mind keeps drifting back to the sensation of his lips on mine, of his mouth, his hands– Stop. I shut the book closed and angrily go get my coat. Second training session of the day, here I come.  

            I walk up all the way to my training spot, situated in the woods behind the house, and I keep fulminating against myself – and him – for my unrest. I lower from its branch the punching bag I got from ‘94 and start hitting. _Man_ , how can frustration make me so sensitive to this shit? It was _one_ kiss, for God’s sake. Well, not just one, but still, it’s no excuse for going up in flames like I’m starving. Has it been this long since I got laid? I punch harder. A memory of Luke from our early training comes back to me: I can picture him, hands tucked in his jacket pocket, watching me hit the bag with fervor.

_“Dude, all that energy… ‘Eric stood you up?”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“You need to get laid,” he chuckles._

            I shake my head, trying to shake the pain as well. I miss him so much. What wouldn’t I give right now for him to talk to me again – even if it were to tease me about Kai? I hit. This isn’t fair; I hit harder. Why are we still here? Why is he gone? I want to see him; I want my mom and my dad and Alice and Jar. Why can’t we just go back to real life? All of us together. Can’t we just forget all this crap – magic, Lightbringers, witches – can’t we just stop it all and live? Just for a little while? I let the tears roll as I hit and hit and hit, until I can’t feel my knuckles anymore. I stop and hug the bag for a while, not bothering to be silent as I cry.

 

            Half an hour later, my eyes are dry and you couldn’t tell I’ve been crying. I sense a presence before seeing Kai’s Light in the corner of my eye. He leans against a tree, watching me, and I ignore him. I only kick and punch until my knuckles are numb with cold. The sky is getting darker when I stop and pant before my punch bag, too exhausted to hit it even one more time. I lift my face to the stars and close my eyes, letting snowflakes caress my skin. If I stop thinking long enough, I might just trick myself into believing it’s just another snowy day in Vermont and I’m not really trapped and lost, far from everything and everyone I love.

            I stand here until I perceive movement beside me; my witch silently walks up to me and we stare. I try to look stern but I don’t know whether that is a success; he only tucks his gloves in his pocket and starts rubbing my cold, bare hands between his warm palms. I watch him, intent on his task, and it’s like I’m under siege with all these emotions racing in my chest. What are we doing? What am _I_ doing? It’s not right, I shouldn’t like any of this; I should pull away right now. And then what? It’s not like I can call Steven or Eric to comfort me tonight. I can’t even get a friendly hug from Tina or Liv. When was the last time I even high-fived someone? Physical contact has become so rare in here, and I want so much more. Silence stretches and I feel more and more the urge to break it, to say something, something meaningful.

“My mom isn’t really gone, you know.”

My voice is quiet but he looks up instantly; I keep my eyes on our hands.

“She should have gone down with the Other Side, along with my ancestors but she didn’t. I asked Luke to save them; that’s why I stepped out of the dark in the first place. There wasn’t time to bring them back but he saved their spirits in his ring. We wanted to draft a new Other Side one day and transfer them; we wanted to save Liv and all future supernatural spirits. We never told anyone, it was our secret.”

            I look away and only pull a hand out of his hold to wipe a traitorous tear. He fishes for a glove in his pocket and puts it on my other hand, then he takes the first one and holds it tight as we walk back home. 

.

* * *

Well, well, 31 chapters in and they finally kissed! XD I'm sure you saw that coming, though it _did_ take them time haha! 

Have a nice week! :)


	32. Chapter 32

Thirty-two

 

“Kai?”

“Hm-mm?” The witch is still kneeling before the TV set, selecting a movie for tonight. I shake my head and go back to the magazine I picked up. There’s this article about all the next releases of the year, which I have seen for the most part. “Say what you want to say, officer; I don’t bite,” he tilts his head and smirks, “unless you want me to.”

            I look away, trying to hold a smile, and finally voice, “If I bring my own bed, can I sleep in your room tonight?”

            Only then does he peek at me over his shoulder; he’s not smiling anymore and I wish I could escape this calm scrutiny. I must sound like such a chicken.

“Has something happened again?”

“I really thought my door was going to open this time,” I murmur, lost in the memory of last night. I shiver and close my eyes. The spell held, though; and there was a chair wedging the door anyway. If he doesn’t want me to come, that’s fine, I’ll understand. I’ll just move the wardrobe around.

“Of course, you can come. I never uninvited you from my room.”

“You didn’t really invite me in the first place,” I remind him with a wince.

            He snorts. “Look, you don’t have to move the whole furniture; we can manage.”

“But we–”

“Andy,” he interrupts me with a growing smile, “You have your side of the bed and I have mine. If you’re really not comfortable with that, we’ll fix something up, but we’re good.”

“Thanks.”

            I scratch the back of my neck and focus on this article for a moment. I only frown when I realize, “I can’t believe you’ve been living in ‘94 for all this time but you never got to see _Forrest Gump_ or _The Mask_. Not even the _Lion King_ for God’s sake!”

            The witch shrugs, busy setting the VHS he chose in the recorder. I settle more comfortably on the couch, purposefully stretching my legs so he won’t sit next to me, and go back to the magazine. “I mean, all the good movies are scheduled for later this year, it’s a shame you got stuck in a loop for May 10th.”

“Yeah,” he says easily, “too bad I didn’t wait a couple more months before using that spell again and killing everybody – would have made my imprisonment so much better.”

“Sorry,” I wince.

“No offense.”

            He gives me a quick smile but I know better; that was rather insensitive of me to say. The witch gets back up and I pretend to focus on my reading as he gazes at my legs. I hear him snort before he lifts them and settles them on his lap, sitting way too close to me. I freeze and wait for him to grab the controller in order to discreetly flex my knees and pull my legs away, but he casually sets a hand on my knee, the one closer to his chest, and maintains it there.

            I clench my jaw but he focuses on the movie and won’t spare me a glance and I feel like if I try harder to move away, it’ll just bring about a conversation I do not want to have. We didn’t talk last night after coming home; we only stared at the fire with a hot cocoa and that was a relief. We haven’t really talked today either – nor will we ever – and I was sort of hoping he would just let it go. Sort of.

I mean, I’ve seen the way he looks at me – when I dare meet his eyes – and there is so much affection and yearning that it truly makes my stomach twist every time. I’ve also noticed he won’t just hold my hand for basic human touch now; he’ll weave our fingers together and sometimes stroke with his thumb, making my blood boil in my veins, though I’ll never admit to that. I know he’s having fun with that but I don’t even want to pull away when he does it because I was the one to initiate the whole holding-hands thing; for comfort. If I start recoiling now, he’ll think it’s because I’m into him, which is absolutely ridicul– so true.

Twenty minutes in and I sigh again, annoyed with myself because I know for a fact I am incapable of telling the protagonists’ names or any information about the plot: my attention is reduced to his warm hand on my bare knee. When he gives a distracted stroke with his thumb, I inhale deeply, trying to ignore how I just shivered from the inside. I know he notices the goose bumps on my skin; I can tell from the slight smile on his lips. He strokes again and I purse my lips. I am never, ever, _ever_ , wearing shorts again for a ‘94 excursion.

            During the drive home and until the chant to 1903, he does me the favor of commenting the movie and I only need to hum in agreement here and there; I don’t need to think, I don’t need to actually construct a thought, which is a relief because God knows I wouldn’t be able to do just that. I let go of his hand as soon as we land in 1903 and look up at the clock; great, it’s time for bed. I honestly don’t want to talk, I’ll just say goodnight and flee.

“So, that was a good one,” I say, way too cheerfully, while stepping back toward the stairs. “I get to choose the next movie; goodnight.”

“Hang on,” he says, pulling me in for a kiss.

            I don’t even try to fight it, only capable of kissing him back with equal fervor. Who do you think you’re kidding, Andy? You’ve been longing for this since the second you put an end to the last one. It’s crazy to think I haven’t had any other sort of physical contact in so long; is there a chance I could make it last until we leave? My brain happily disconnects and anything outside this embrace ceases to exist. In a matter of seconds, any elaborate thought or will of my own disintegrates in his mouth, until he puts an end to our kiss and I reluctantly comply.

“There,” he smiles, “goodnight.”

            He drops a more innocent kiss on my lips and I instantly lean in for more. Before I know it, my arms are wrapped around his neck and I press my body closer to his, wanting so much more. I angle my head to give him better access to my mouth and I am purely delighted when he responds ardently. He steps forward and I follow his lead until my back hits the wall more or less gently; he presses his body even more against mine and we seriously make out for long, delicious minutes, punctuated with sighs and moans and hungry strokes. Yep, definitely making it last until we get out. I finally get to bite that jaw and I feel like I can die a happy woman. When he trails sloppy kisses down my neck, I let my head fall back against the wall and sigh. My hands ruffle in his hair; his settle behind my thighs. “Jump.”

            I gladly obey and he lifts me, pinning me against the wall, and I wrap my legs around his hips. I pull him by his neck for another kiss and my entire being zeroes to his tongue and to where our bodies connect and rub; not an inch is allowed to separate us, not even a breath. It’s like everything has led us to this moment; every time we spoke or touched or argued. It all comes back to me now, in flashes; when we danced together, when we fought, when I cried in his arms, when we laughed. I can’t believe I’ve been this good at lying to myself for so long.

“Couch or bed?” he asks in a raw voice that drives me crazy, “choose fast.”

“No,” I say, before moaning. _God_ , does he have a map or something?

“Here is fine too.”

“Wait,” I say, “we’re not–” He silences me with a deep kiss and I can’t even tell my name anymore. Doesn’t matter, I don’t need my name right now. There are these long seconds of silence, during which our lips won’t part, and it’s so delicious I want to slap myself for trying to put an end to it. “Kai,” I breathe out, trying to push on his chest more than I pull, “we’re not doing this.”

            He looks at me, breathless and lost, and I can’t help but stare at his swollen lips with envy. No, no, no, no, focus.

“What’s wrong?”

“I– We’re not having sex.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am,” I pant, “I’m very serious.”

“Why not?” I open my mouth and frown; right, reasons. Um, I did have those; lots of them, actually. I came up with a long list last night, while I was pacing in my room. I have reasons, I know it. “Andy, why not?”

“Uh– we don’t have condoms.”

            He smiles. How can a smile do that to me?

“True. But that’s an easy fix: I can jump to ‘94 real quick and–”

“No– no.”

            He frowns again, confused, and I can’t help but close my eyes with pleasure when he drops an open-mouthed kiss in my neck. _Shit_.

“You’re heating up,” he murmurs.

“I– We’re not doing that.”

“You want this.”

“I–” I bite my lip when he does it again and try to get back on track, “I can’t think.”

“Good,” Kai smiles against my skin.

“No, not good,” I say more sternly, pushing on his chest. “I like being able to think, thank you very much.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Look– I don’t want this.” He arches a brow, not fooled. “Okay, I– obviously want this right now, but I don’t want it in the long run.”

            He watches me for a long time and I can see the mechanics of his brains work through his eyes. _God_ , those eyes. He finally lowers his gaze and quietly asks, “Am I not good enough for you?”

“What?” I breathe out.

“You want this but you don’t want _me_ in your list of conquests.”  

“It’s not that.” He looks away and my chest tightens. “Hey,” I say more firmly, angling his chin so he faces me, “it’s not that.” He clenches his jaw and lowers his gaze again; I can’t believe I’ve managed to hurt him. “Look,” I try to explain, “sex makes things complicated–”

“We _are_ complicated,” he points out, looking back up. 

“We are,” I admit. “And we don’t need any more complication; not while we’re here. You and I are the only two people in this world, which means we’re stuck with each other now but we’re also stuck _with_ each other when things go sour. We’ve been doing pretty well until now, I can’t afford to change everything just like that; I can’t afford to lose you over sex, not while we’re here.”

            He watches me for a moment, pondering, then asks, “So, you’re saying no sex in 1903?”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“Hm. What about ‘94?” I roll my eyes but can’t help a smile.

“No sex in the twentieth century.”

            He squints, clearly incised about all this.

“When then?”

“Look, we’re not gonna make an appointment. It’ll happen… sometime in the future. Maybe.” Definitely.

“So, if I understand correctly, we’re off the hook as soon as we hit twenty-first century.”

I open my mouth and need another breath to answer, “ _If_ it’s still there, then we’ll see.”

            It takes a few seconds but a playful grin finally lightens his face. Thank God. I mean– not that I would… care immensely if he disagreed, but it’s more practical that he’s okay with that. Right?

He finds the strength to step away – I wouldn’t have – and purrs in my ear, “I don’t worry about that.”

 

*****

 

            When I join him in the room after changing, he’s already lying on his side of the bed. I make sure to lock the door behind me and I use a chair to wedge it. I silently go to my side and carefully smooth the blanket over my body. I am good, we are fine; ready to sleep and not do anything stupid. Kai magically snuffs out the candles and the only glimpse of light in the room comes from the snowy sky, outside in the cold. I shiver, oh-so-happy to be warm under the blanket, and sigh.

“Are you lying on the edge of the bed?” he asks and I can hear a bit of mockery in his tone.

            The distance between us does seem too wide for the size of this bed.

“No,” I say, after a silence that gives me away.

“Can’t trust yourself around me?”

            I can picture his amused smile; I squint. I could still beat him up, right? I mean, I would stop before death, obviously, and there wouldn’t be any witness.

“You’re the one who can’t be trusted.”

“Right,” he chuckles. “I was only kissing you goodnight; you’re the one who jumped me.”

“Can we not do this right now?”

“Why not? It’s becoming one of my best memories of you already.” I purse my lips and say nothing. I am not entering this game; we are not talking about it. “It’s fine; I get it. You’re trying to keep your hands to yourself and I’m distracting you.”

I snort. “ _Please_ ; you’re the one who’s trying to keep your hands to yourself.”

“And you’re dying to see me fail.”  

“Nope; I’m actually very anxious to see you succeed.” He chuckles again and I clench my jaw.

“Come on, Andy. You want _me_ to crack so you can be mad at me afterwards.”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“I’m just saying, it’s not gonna happen. I have this thing called self-control, it’s very efficient.”

“Do you now.”

“I do. You should try it sometime; it’ll save you tons of worrying.”

            I snort and roll over next to him, resting on my elbow; he’s lying on his back and now that my eyes are accustomed to the dark, I can almost entirely make out his face.

“You have self-control,” I say, not buying it.

“Yes ma’am. Now despite all that… sexiness and cuteness here, I won’t be the one to break.”

“Please; you’ve been alone for eighteen years. You’re just _that_ close to breaking.”

“Am not. You’re not irresistible, you know,” he mocks.

            I arch up a brow. Oh, I know this is provocation, only I couldn’t care less. I lay a hand on his covered chest and start caressing smoothly. I bite my lip in victory when I feel him inhale deeply under my touch.

“Whatever you think you’re doing, it’s not working.”

            His voice is uncertain though. I reach the hem of his tee-shirt and I let my hand travel under the fabric; his abs, then over to his heart. My fingers draw indistinct shapes on his skin, smoothly, lazily, and I press slow, tempting kisses to his chest.

“No?”

“No,” he whispers, out of breath.

I imagine his eyes shut, his fists clenching around the sheets in order not to react, and I revel in the effect I have on him; I’m not the one who’s about to lose it for a change. His body is already heating up when I lean over him and press a kiss to his lips. He responds but holds back and I can’t resist teasing him even more. When he bites my lip, I cup his face with my hands, taking over his mouth entirely, and I move my body on top of his, straddling him. His hands shoot to my hips, maintaining me close to him, guiding me in a slow, lazy dance with his body.

I forget the point I was trying to make, I simply dissolve in this languid embrace, with only this urge to keep going. His hands ruffle in my hair, pressing me close, tugging for a better angle, a better access to my mouth, and I vigorously comply, ready to give him anything he wants to make sure he won’t stop. I sense the shift in him and within a second, he rolls us over and takes the lead. We’re not even naked yet and it’s like he’s making love to my mouth already. The weight of his body over mine is heavenly and I instinctively wrap my legs around his hips; locking him against me.  

I want this, my entire body wants this; and yet, my inner alarm goes off, reminding me that this should be avoided at any cost. My brain doesn’t bother giving me reasons, it simply triggers any feeling within its reach that could make me stop. In an instant, panic surges. Kai is busy trailing fervent kisses in my neck and my collarbones, oblivious to this shift, while I come back to my senses and remember. This was about resisting each other; I was supposed to provoke him, not break us both. I inhale, already loathing myself for what I’m about to say.

“If that’s what you call self-control, no wonder why you ended up in a prison world.”

            It doesn’t fully register but it’s still enough for him stop and look at me, panting and confused. “I thought you’d hold longer.”

“You provoked me,” he mutters, nipping the nape of my neck.

            I arch against him and he resumes kissing my neck diligently.

“If you don’t want a girl to take offense, don’t tell her she’s not irresistible. That’s not very nice.”

“Apologies,” he chuckles, “you are irresistible.”

            He kisses me again and I almost yield to the desire he inspires, but fear isn’t far; it’s lurking right here beside us.

“Kai,” I call against his lips. He interrupts kisses and caresses, resting his forehead on mine.

“Do you really want me to stop?”

“I do. Please.”

            The witch sighs painfully and I am that close to giving in.

“How do I do this?”

“Breathe.”

            We don’t move for a moment, waiting for our heartbeats to settle, for our minds to regain control. I unlock my legs from his hips, which requires a tremendous effort on my part, and he finally rolls over, lying on his back. I suddenly feel cold and hollow without the weight of his body and I long to simply go back to where we were; it’s easy, he’s right here, inches away; but a very active part of my brain refuses, an irrational fear holds me back and I lie right next to him, paralyzed.

We don’t speak for some time, focusing on our breathing, until he takes my hand, weaving our fingers together, and turns his head to me.

“What are you doing to me, Andy?”

            I squeeze his hand and turn my face to his, though he can’t see me in the dark.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing,” I whisper.

            He lies on his side and sneaks his free hand under my tee-shirt, settling it flat on my belly.

“What are you doing?”

“Relax,” he says, stroking gently with his thumb, “I won’t be going further tonight. You made your point.”

            I inhale, trying to decide whether I should remove his hand myself or leave it there; I want it there, why should I remove it? Another stroke and I shut my eyes closed.

“Don’t,” I sigh and I hear him chuckle.

“Good lord, Andy, you’re burning up.”

“Just– don’t.”

            He squeezes my hand and wishes me a good night. My ability to think zeroes to his warm palm on my belly and I finally get the measure of this gesture. It’s a reminder of what is there between us, a promise for the future. 

.

* * *

 

Well, these two certainly look like they're having a hard time keeping their hands off each other haha 

I hope you enjoyed this one! See you soon for the next chapter! ;)


	33. Chapter 33

Thirty-three   

 

**_Mystic Falls, Virginia – May, 1994_ **

 

I lift my face to the pleasant breeze, eyes closed, and inhale deeply. If feels like the air is full of flowers, sun and Spring. I love coming to ‘94; after days and weeks spent in a world made of cold and frost, with only a couple minutes of sunshine here and there when we need groceries or a laundry, it is simply glorious to get some time here for no reason except boredom.

            It doesn’t take much to our happiness: we’ll just walk around town for an ice cream or a _crêpe_ , I’ll grab a more recent book at the local bookshop, or we’ll raid a disk shop for radio cassettes and lie on the grass behind the house while playing them. It’s even easier regarding the facilities, because let’s face it: melting snow in a pot every morning for a bath is getting old, I must say, and it is so much faster to simply jump worlds for half an hour and use regular bathrooms. I’d say we’ve been doing huge progress in terms of spending time here and I am quite happy with that.

I know my witch is not a fan of this place and I understand his reasons – had _I_ been imprisoned in this world for eighteen years, I wouldn’t want to come back either; it would feel too permanent and suffocating. That is why I keep a close eye on him, and when I sense that he’s getting restless or paler than usual, I take a good look around and then I take his hand, signaling it’s time to go home.

Days go by, different from what they used to be and yet, always the same. Memories start to blend in and it’s getting harder to recall exactly what we’ve been doing; a big, fat nothing. Like time froze, which it did, and we are stuck in this bubble of stillness, on the edge of either insanity or hope. We both keep count but we never mention how long it has been anymore; it would only bring us down. We’ve also stopped guessing why no one has come yet, it would only add to this constant tension, this knowledge that something must be wrong and that we might end up staying here longer than expected; possibly forever.

Things are also different between us. Kai respects my request to stay away and I avoid tempting him unfairly – that was a terrible idea anyway. No incident has happened since the last time and we try to keep it that way. However, the tension becomes very tangible sometimes, and it is hard to look away. I’ll catch him gazing at me, or the other way around, and it’ll wake all these sensations I’ve been trying not to think about, which is not easy. I mean, when you have a crush on somebody, it’s okay to think about them sometimes but any distraction from them is welcome, right? Now how am I supposed to think of something else when I don’t even have another person to talk to or think about? There’s only him, day after day after day, all day, every day. And somehow… being stuck in an empty world, alone with one’s crush is kind of _da dream_ , you know. I sometimes need to list to myself all the reasons why I shouldn’t follow through all the thoughts that cross my mind. Cause… thoughts are okay, right?

And we’re not doing anything wrong. I mean, we still hold hands when we need comfort or simply wish someone were here with us, and we still sleep in the same bed, fingers weaved and his hand on my belly. We’re handling it like champs, you know. One could argue that we act like a married couple – with our routine and because we spend so much time together – but then, can you even be a couple when there is only one other person in the world? To me, we’re more like friends with benefits; without the benefits, that is. I guess our – Friendship? Alliance? Whatever it is – could be compared to a loveless marriage, which is kind of depressing if you ask me.

I laugh at the thought and only open my eyes when I sense his gaze on me. Kai doesn’t even ask me, at first. We’re still lying on the grass, listening to a _Greatest Hits_ album by The Police; this afternoon feels peacefully normal. He simply watches me, with this tranquil devotion that sets me ablaze, and it feels like he’s holding me in his arms. Thoughts are okay.

“What’s so funny?”

“I once told Luke I might end up marrying him someday.”

            Surprise takes over his face and I laugh some more. It’s a relief to be able to talk about Luke sometimes – not as much as I would like to – and not have to watch out for an explosion of guilt disguised with anger. Kai knew my friend the first four years of his life; I knew his brother the last year of his life. We share and fill in the blanks, talking about Liv and Jo as well. It seems to be good for him to talk about them without constantly dwelling on what went wrong, on him going wrong. Although, he never mentions his other siblings: it is a subject he prefers avoiding, which I respect, and I like to believe he pours everything out in his letters.

“You do realize he was into guys; and you’re not a guy.”

“I know, that was his point. But then he realized I was probably his best prospect as well, in terms of long-term partnership, that is, and he actually considered it,” I smile at the sky in nostalgia. “We were such a good team, we would have been great together.”

“I’m seriously wondering whether you had feelings for my brother.” I gently nudge the witch.

“It was not like that.”

I smile and get lost in thoughts, picturing what future would have been. I was never into Luke or anything, but I truly felt safe around him; like I could trust him with anything, he would be there for me always, not judging but encouraging and helping me when needs be. “He was my person.”

 

***********

 

**_Mystic Falls, Virginia – November, 1903_ **

“I’m just not sure.”

“Come on, it’s safe.”

“How about you go first and we’ll see?”

“God, Andy, you’re such a chicken!”

            I squint indignantly at my witch’s teasing grin. Offence taken. The Gemini leader and I are currently standing on top of a hill, wrapped up in layers of sweaters, our coats, our scarves and our gloves. He’s holding this cheap plastic sledge he got from 1994 yesterday and I’m honestly not sure it’s gonna hold the slope; it was mid-Spring, they didn’t have any good one at Target.

“Fine,” I say, snatching the red, circular sledge, “let’s do this.”

            The witch giggles in excitement as I skeptically set his new acquisition on the powder snow and take place, holding tight to the handles. He sits down behind me, placing his legs on each side of me and I try to forget how my stomach twists and twirls at this proximity and this almost-embrace. It’s nearly unbelievable that my body temperature can rise like that at the mere touch of him; I legitimately don’t feel the cold anymore. Okay, we seriously need to leave this world soon, ‘cause I’m only human and I cannot keep refusing the only man on earth forever. Damn.

            On the moment, our descent seems to take forever – at a somewhat crazy speed – but it barely lasts a minute until the sledge abruptly stops and we are both propelled a couple feet away, rolling and laughing like kids. Alright, I must admit, it was a good boost of adrenalin back there; it was fun.

While we’re lying on our backs, we take the time to design snow angels. Then, I grab the Polaroid camera I got a couple days ago – my parents had one when I was a kid and Alice and I had this obsession with it for a time: we’d take pictures of everything and everyone, filling albums we’re happy to revisit on Christmas Eves – and take a picture of the angels. The witch leans in to watch the image appear and chuckles.

“Such an artist.”

“Shut up,” I smile. “It’s souvenirs.”

            He snags the camera from my hands and stretches his arm, aiming for a selfie of us – twenty-first century did take him over no matter what he says – and we grin.

“Here,” he says, handing me the picture, “you can show that to your grandkids someday.”

“Yeah,” I snort, “I can already picture it: ‘And this is 1903 Winter break with Kai; we had such a blast.’ _God_ , they’ll think I’m a hundred years old.”

“Which you will nearly be, by then.”

            I nudge the witch and he laughs, offering me an innocent grin. I carefully tuck away the pictures and the camera in the backpack we left near the tree and we go back at it. Six slides later, we’re lying in the snow again. The air is turning even colder and the winds are starting to rise; we’re gonna have to head back soon, but we stay here a little longer, enjoying our success in beating today. We’ll need to figure out something else to do tomorrow, but that’s not a subject for thought now; now is a time for victory and peace.   

            I roll over on my stomach and watch Kai; my witch, the one person who will be here with me tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, until God-knows-when. It doesn’t even seem weird anymore; if anything it makes sense that he would be with me next week or next month. It feels right; and because it feels right, I lean in and press a kiss to his lips. He kisses me back and for once, we don’t go up in flames, we simply take the time to savor the moment, somehow gathering strength from each other. When we end it this time, I don’t flee; I smile at him before looking away.

            When the heavy wooden door closes behind us, I am already taking off coat, boots, scarf and gloves. First things first, I need to add another pair of socks because my feet are numb with cold, and then we’re on for a hot cocoa. Oh and s’mores! We should make s’mores; I’m pretty sure we have enough marshmallows – since mister Parker here loves to have lots of them in his cocoa – but I’m not that sure about crackers though. And chocolate, do we have chocolate?

            Lost in thoughts, I head to the kitchen but I haven’t even left the entrance that a hand catches mine and spins me around for the most delicious kiss. As before, I give in immediately, simply incapable of parting from his mouth. It’s been way too long since the last one anyway. I lift my heels and wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer and letting him take freely. His hands feel so good on me, not over-confident and not as hesitant as they once were; I revel in the fire they light inside me, all too happy when he slides them behind my thighs and lifts me up.

My legs automatically lock around his hips and he gently sets me on the console. His mouth is intoxicating and though we are not in a frenzy such as last time, there is this urgency, this need, almost visceral, to get him even closer, to completely fade into him; and I cannot resist.

“I love it when you make that sound.”

“Which one?” I pant against his lips.

            The palm of his hand grazes the side of my breast and I moan in his mouth.

“That one,” he smiles, rewarding me with a deep, heady kiss.

            I run my hands in his hair, thinking to myself that this is it, I am ready to give him everything he wants, and consequences be damned. I happen to want this very much, so I guess it’s very convenient that our desires so align, right? Only, there is this voice in my head, this insidious, insistent voice that keeps whispering in my ear, pouring fears as one pours water in an endless well: I can’t give him everything; it’s too much, what if I lose him? Then I’ll lose everything as well and that is not– not conceivable. We’re not supposed to be this close. He’s not supposed to matter so much.

            My eyes shoot open and I swallow, definitely out of the mood, even though I can’t properly remember why I chose to separate the guys that matter from the guys I sleep with; I weakly murmur my refusal and recoil, shoving him more firmly than necessary when he doesn’t hear me. I can see the daze slowly wear off in his blue-gray eyes as he tries to catch his breath.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I scowl, folding my arms against my chest so as to cope with the sudden void of his absence.

“ _Excuse me?”_

“I told you; we’re not doing that while–”

“So I’m not allowed to kiss you but for some reason _you are_?” he snaps.

“I shouldn’t have either, I’m sorry–”

“I don’t want you to be sorry, Andy. I want you to let me kiss you, to let me hold you and touch–”

“Can you _not_ say things like–”

“Let me guess: another topic you won’t be discussing with me? I know the drill, thanks. It just felt like you didn’t want to be talking about a minute ago, or am I wrong about that too?”

 “Just– When the girl says No, it means No,” I say, trying to sound stern.

“Yeah, she says No and then she kisses you; that’s not confusing.” He shakes his head to himself, and his disappointment and pain strike right in my chest. “You don’t even see it, do you? I mean, what am I to you, a joke?”

“What?”

“Do you think I don’t actually care when I watch you debate with yourself whether you’re gonna use me for sex or maybe not or maybe later when we get back? Do you think it doesn’t hurt, to see all the effort that you place into not letting me be anything else than the monster you met?”

“You’re not a monster–”

“What am I then? Am I even human to you? You want me but you don’t want me, and I…” He briefly closes his eyes. “I thought you could see me, the real me, but… I’ll always be a soulless killer in your eyes, I’ll never be enough.”

“It has _nothing_ to do with–”

“With me?” He interrupts, disillusion written all over his face. “Please. I keep putting myself out there when it feels like you want more, and every single time, you’ll just shut down that part of you that wants to meet me half-way and… you have no idea how that feels.”

“This is _exactly_ why I said no in the first place. We’re bound to hurt each other, and that’s not something I want, for either of us.”

“Oh, so you’re doing this to spare my feelings?” he mocks dryly. “Thank you, Andy. You’re doing a great job.”

“Look, I don’t mean to hurt you, but I told you I didn’t want this, and I still don’t.”

“You know what?” he says, giving me a delusional smile to hide the pain, “I’ve been having a hard time trying to figure out what’s real and what isn’t when it comes to you, and that’s not easy, but one thing I’m pretty sure about is that you want this, as much as I–”

“ _Stop_ saying that,” I snap, “it’s not about you, you just don’t know what I want.”

“Yeah, I kinda do.”

“No, you don’t,” I say more coldly.

“You want romance,” he snaps, “you want an epic love story.”

            I frown, while my inner me recoils from these words. Where is this coming from?

“See? You have no idea–”

“For God’s sake, Andy, the first song you ever sang to me was a love story.”  

I blink. This is not true, he got it all wrong. “No, it was the opening credit to a teenage show. And it’s a _song,_ it doesn’t mean anything.”

“You think I don’t listen when you speak? We’ve been pouring our secrets out for weeks; I heard you–”

“You heard _nothing_ ; I don’t even do boyfriends so let alone romance–”

“Because you can’t trust anyone!” he shouts, “I _know_ , I heard you. I also heard that just because you don’t do something doesn’t mean you don’t want it. You want someone you can talk to, actually talk to; about your life, about the clan; you want someone who can handle the supernatural in your life and not run from it or fear for you every five seconds.”

            A lump forms in my throat. He’s wrong. Right?

I am incapable of reacting when he steps closer to me, holding my gaze, as his voice quiets down. He’s wrong. I should tell him that he’s wrong.

“You want an equal, a best friend; someone who can actually take it to be with you; someone you can trust, someone with whom you can let go.”

            He gently cups my face with his hands, brushing my cheeks with his thumbs, as he leans in. “Let go,” he whispers, before giving me the softest kiss we’ve ever shared. This kiss conveys so much tenderness and affection that it stirs something deeper inside me, something that has nothing to do with lust.  My chest tightens and my eyes sting; he gently ends our kiss, searching my eyes, and my heart shakes with a vulnerability I have never felt before.

“Can I?” I whisper. “Trust you?”

“Trust is a choice, Andy. I can’t make it for you.”

            He rests his forehead on mine, tenderly brushing my nose with his, before pressing a kiss to my brow. Please, don’t stop. “You know where to find me.”

            His hands leave my face and I watch him walk away. He sleeps alone that night.


	34. Chapter 34

Thirty-four

 

            I jog my way back to the house, definitely not enjoying the biting cold of the morning that usually gets me going. I close the heavy wooden door behind me and rest my back against it for a while. The delicious smell of coffee coming from the kitchen lets me know that my witch is up; I am so not ready for this.

            I take off gloves and scarf, coat and boots, and wearily sit down on the steps connecting the entrance to the living room. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? I feel like no matter how I try to explain, he’ll just be able to show me how illogical and irrational my reaction is, and I won’t have anything to reply. He’ll talk to me or touch me, or even just look at me and I’ll lose control and myself and all that’s left of my defense. How can I find the words, how can I make him understand when I haven’t entirely figured it out for myself? All I know is that stepping into that kitchen right now would be accepting not to be in control; and I can’t have that.

 _Let go_.

            I can hear his footstep before I see him. My eyes are glued to the floor while he walks up to me and silently sits down next to me.

“Are you angry?” I ask quietly, unable to look him in the eye.

“No, of course not,” he answers gently. No, Andy, of course he’s not angry with you for hurting him; you’re his only friend _and_ the girl he’s interested in. How could he resent you?

            He reaches for my hand and I let him; he weaves our fingers together and I squeeze. I don’t even know what I’m trying to convey in that, I simply need him to know that I care, that it means a lot that he’s not mad at me for rejecting him; I need him to know that he means a lot. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose; how did that happen?

“How about we have breakfast here and then jump to ‘94 for the morning?” he asks easily.

            I nod and he stands up, pulling on my hand so I follow.

 

*****

 

            An hour later, I cautiously peek inside the room. The door is wide open so I’m guessing he’s done. We always go our separate ways when we come for the bathrooms, and wait downstairs when we’re done. Usually, I’m not long and we barely wait for a couple minutes for each other, but it took me longer today and when I showed up in the ‘94 living room, ready to hear my witch complain about how many years it took me to get ready this morning, he wasn’t there. So I frowned and headed back upstairs, making for the room he usually uses.

            I walk through a large and bare bedroom, only occupied by a wide bed and a wardrobe, and walk to the adjacent bathroom. The door is open and Kai is facing the mirror, adjusting his hair. He notices me in the reflection and smirks. “It took you long enough.”

            I shrug and lean against the doorframe, watching him. I know that he knows that I find him attractive, but in moments like this, it’s like he doesn’t realize it. It’s not just physical, it’s also about the person that’s inside. This cheeky, moving, funny man who is now my friend and my partner in rhymes. When I look at him now, my heart fills with warmth and tenderness towards him and there is nowhere else I’d rather be.

He catches my fond stare in the mirror and playfully winks at me, which wakes me from my daze; I look away, feeling my face heat.

“Don’t be shy,” he teases. “I like it when you gaze at me like that.”

“I wasn’t _gazing_ ,” I object uselessly and he grins some more. “I was assessing you.”

“Is that what you call it? Assessing?”

“Shut up.” He chuckles and I follow as he walks out of the room.

“May I ask how many witches you’ve _assessed_ so far?”

“Why, you jealous?”

“Maybe.” He gives me another wink and I can’t hold a smile; but then, his fades, and he tilts his head. “You changed your hair.” There is no easy and light amusement in his eyes anymore, it’s been replaced with a fondness I cannot handle; I look away.

“Yeah,” I say, tugging at a lock, “the dye was wearing off anyway; I suddenly couldn’t stand it anymore, so I went back to full brown.”

“It suits you.”

            His voice is so soft I keep avoiding his glance and quietly thank him. We head downstairs and I clear my throat, “So, I’m guessing we should head back to 1903 sometime after lunch; what do you wanna do until then?”

“I’ve been feeling like swimming lately,” he suggests.

“Sounds good to me,” I nod. “How about we swing by the supermarket first? We’ll make sandwiches for lunch.”

“ _Now_ we’re talking.” He grabs my hand, weaves our fingers and we squeeze.

Less than twenty minutes later, I look up from the solar cream tubes I’ve been pondering over and end up watching my witch. He is trying on sunglasses after sunglasses, tilting his head in the mirror, and I can’t help but smile. Despite everything, there is this innocence about him that makes me want to protect him from the entire world. Not that _this_ entire world would have anything against him, but it’s so weird to realize that I have so completely changed my mind about him. And not in the sense that ‘oh well, I guess he’s okay and deserves to live’, it’s more like… I’ve been basically changing sides. Not that I’m not friends with Liv anymore, but… Can I be on both sides? Like… Is that a thing? Boy, what is _wrong_ with me? I can’t put my finger on it, but something tells me I am _so_ screwed.

When he looks up at me, I don’t look away but my smile wears off as I realize: I shouldn’t be on anyone’s side. When did it become okay to be this involved with my witches?

He slowly walks up to me, sliding the sunglasses on his hair, and asks, “Which one is it gonna be?” He gestures to the tubes in my hands.

“Um– this one,” I answer rather flatly. He takes the tube I showed and places it in our cart, and sets the other one back on the shelf. I keep watching him, chewing on my lip, and he gives me a smile, so oblivious to my inner battles.

“Are you going to tell me what bothers you?” Or maybe not. I avert my face.

“Nothing bothers me.”

“You have that crease when you’re trying to figure something out,” he says, brushing it away between my eyebrows. “Tell me.”

“I’ve been wondering…” I trail off. I shouldn’t be asking anyway. I mean, who cares?

“Yes?” I exhale.

“You never told me why you didn’t want me to come to 1903 in the first place.” He rises his brow and I shift my weight from foot to foot. “I mean, you wanted Bonnie to go with you but you didn’t want me to come and…” I trail off, looking around us. This supermarket, the ‘94 prison world… he did all this already. When I look back at him, his playful smile makes my stomach collapse.

“You jealous?” I open my mouth but no sound will come out, so I just shut it and look away.

“Just saying, you guys got all cozy in a prison world before.” I shrug.

“You _are_ jealous,” he grins happily.

“ _Please_.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not jealous, I’m– I’m curious.”

            He chuckles and nods. “It’s alright, officer, you don’t have to admit it; you already made my day. But you should know that… my time here with Bonnie had nothing to do with my time here with you. My feelings were still locked away, I wasn’t remotely human. I was basically out to kill her, I… toyed with her, tortured her.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I didn’t care, I would have killed her eventually.”

“I’m sorry.”

He gives me a sad smile, but it’s not enough to cover the guilt.

“As for not wanting you to tag along…” He runs a hand in the back of his hair, trying to keep his easiness. “Should I tell you a truth you won’t like or–”

“The truth. Please.”

“Okay, well, I… was trying to apologize to Bonnie, which was not easy for obvious reasons, and also because of you distracting me all the time, and… you’d seen me cry before, I didn’t… need you to see me any more weak and vulnerable than you already had. I mean, I didn’t… exactly care about you, but you had your very own way of hurting me.” I frown at that, and he briefly looks away, swallowing hard. “You had this way of worrying about me, and I hated it. Because it sounded real sometimes, it almost felt like you cared, but it was lie. You didn’t worry about me for me, you worried about me for the coven; for my sisters, for your dad’s friend, even for witches that you didn’t know. I knew it wasn’t real but… it felt like someone cared and… I was desperate enough to cling to that. And I hated it. So that’s why I didn’t want you to come; I couldn’t handle two sources of pain at the same time.” He shrugs, offering me this light smile he has when trying to put on a good face, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. I ponder over that, internally pleading my heart to calm down.

“Showing humanity… feeling whatever you feel, it doesn’t make you weak, you know.” He nods, giving the ground a delusional smile, and I’m pretty sure he was expecting me to comment on a different part of his answer. Words rush to my lips, begging to come out, and it feels like I don’t have much time to decide whether or not I should utter them. All I can see is how he tries to look like nothing can affect him, while I know he’s been dealing with very real feelings _and_ Luke’s empathy. I just can’t stand his pain. “I do now,” I say in a low voice. “Care about you for you. I do.”

            He watches me for a moment, before lowering his gaze, and my heart sinks as I realize he doesn’t believe that. _‘I’ve been trying to figure out what’s real and what isn’t._ ’

“I do,” I insist more firmly. He watches me, and I hate that he has to debate with himself whether he can believe me.

“Maybe you do,” he whispers, my chest drowning in the sadness of his tone, “but you don’t want to.” I stare, incapable of finding something to say. Anything. “My turn.” Oh boy. “An answer for an answer,” he adds, his cheeks slightly coloring. And at this moment, I stop worrying about what he’s going to ask; seeing this vulnerability that he tries to hide as best as he can behind easiness becomes the cutest thing ever, and it only makes me want to grab him and kiss him. What is wrong with you, woman?

“Alright.”

“Why did you kiss me? The first time, I mean. Back in 2013.”

I open my mouth, close it, open it again. I did not expect that. My witch’s eyes are intent on me, and I frown. That is a very good question. “I… needed you alive, mostly, and I guess it was a way to tell you I wasn’t done with you. I wanted Luke back and you wanted a good-luck kiss, so…” I trail off, realizing that’s a terrible thing to say. “I mean, life and death, adrenalin… I got caught up in the moment.”

He chews on that for a moment, and deep down, I’m sure he was expecting something else. But it’s true, I hated him back then, I didn’t want to have anything to do with him, except bring Luke back from the dead.

“So it didn’t mean anything.”

“No.” My chest hurts in protest. It didn’t _use_ to mean anything, that’s why it’s so easy to answer him now. But would he ask the right questions– I push the thought aside.  

“Do you regret it then? Now, I mean.”

            I should say Yes. My head is begging me to say Yes, because I _should_ regret it. I should hate him and hate myself for it, and for ever kissing him again and enjoying it.

“I don’t.” I don’t let us hold gaze for too long, I take his hand and say, “Let’s get going, otherwise the swimming pool will be closed by the time we get there.”

*

Half an hour later, we enter the town’s empty swimming center like we’re the first ones here – though we know very well no one is going to join. I rest my new sunglasses up in my hair and we lie our beach towels in the best spot near the bigger pool. The better part of morning has gone by already and the sun is seriously – and deliciously – starting to hit as we unload today’s haul.

            I grabbed this beach bag at the store and filled it with anything that screamed Summer vacation: flip-flops, a straw hat, sunscreen, a book of crosswords, some snacks, a deck of cards, and I’m _so_ hyped about today, it’s insane. We’ll have to do this again tomorrow, and probably a couple more days after that so I can properly tan. As for Kai, he is currently busy installing two parasols he insisted on bringing along – they were fifteen percent off after all – and I let him struggle with it and mumble against it, silently enjoying this way too much.

            I end up placing all the food into the cooler so it won’t go bad with the heat and only look up when hearing, “Would you mind?”

            My mind goes blank at the sight of his bare chest, his shoulders, his arms, with this light tan on his skin and the muscles shaping his upper body – not overbuilt by any means, but nice and firm muscles that make me itch to spread my hands on his chest and caress his arms. I swallow absent-mindedly, taking in the way his black Bermuda shorts fit on the cut of his hips. “When you’re done checking me out, that is.”

            I come back to my senses and look up to see his content face; that is when I remember he asked me something and I notice the sunscreen tube he’s holding. I stand up immediately and focus on that. 

“Sure,” I nod, taking it from his hand.

            I try to ignore how my witch bites his lip to repress a satisfied grin before turning around and offering me his back. I begins with his shoulders and purse my lips, exhorting myself to calm and to a blank mind rather than thinking about the sensation of his skin and his muscles under my hands. _God_ , how am I supposed to do this? It’s like everything in the worlds collude to make me give in and literally jump this guy. We need to leave this place.

            I quickly get done with it and step back while my witch turns around. Life goal: look at anywhere _but_ his chest. I didn’t have problems doing that before developing this ridiculous crush; get your shit together, girl, you’re drooling.

He says something, presumably about being hungry but preferring spending some time in the pool before eating. Good for you, buddy. Will you please now let me breathe? He grabs a soda pop from the cooler and I absently look at the pool; all that cool water would be the perfect means to calm down my nerves. I might need that.

I drop my jean shorts and get rid of my tee-shirt, revealing the emerald green bikini I snatched from the shelf. I look back to tell Kai I’m diving in but stop speechless at the sight of him, staring at me the way he does. My face heats as his eyes scan me up and down, sparkling with desire and need, his mouth slightly opens as he takes me in. I’m not one to feel self-conscious regarding my body – I am secure enough to meet guys and go back to their place every now and then – but right now I am incredibly aware of every inch of my skin that shows.

“I can’t believe I didn’t have this idea sooner,” he realizes in a hoarse voice, finally locking eyes.

            I look away, goose bumps spreading all over my body, and say quietly, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to lock us up in a bedroom for hours and lose the key.”

            He chuckles and walks up to me, standing so close I believe he’s going to kiss me, and I don’t have a problem with that right now. He leans in and purrs in my ear, “I’d lock us up for days.”

When he walks away, I take a full minute for my heartbeat to settle. I apply sunscreen on my skin, ardently wishing I could have my own swimming pool, in my own town, preferably in my own prison world – and then remembering how terrible and terrifying that would be – before joining him on the edge of the pool.

            The floor on this side is leveled up so that you can step in and only dive mid-thighs, then the further you go the deeper. The witch is already standing on the last step inside the pool, water licking his knees, when I take a step in.

“Whoa,” I shiver, “it’s not that warm, is it?”

“It’s mid-Spring, what did you expect?”

“Something along the eighty degrees?” I wince.

“Come on, this must be in the seventies. You get used to it.”

            I nod with skepticism and I take my second foot in. Okay, let’s do this. Slowly, one inch at a time. Before I realize, he passes his arm around my thighs and lifts me up over his shoulder. I yelp in surprise and spread my hands on his back to regain some balance but only he can actually control that, by holding on to my thighs more or less loosely.

“Kai Parker, I swear to God–”

“I know, I know, it’s gonna be the end of me.”

            When he laughs, his shoulder moves against my stomach. I try to push on his back hard enough in order to fall back on my feet but his grip tightens and he starts walking towards a deeper point of the pool.

“Let me go,” I demand, “immediately.”

“Fair enough,” he shrugs.

            And before I can add any specifics about how he’s supposed to let me go, he releases his grip and I fall on the side of his back, head first in the water. Needless to say I swallow water as I unexpectedly dive in, my body jolts up with cold and when I emerge to the surface and gasp for air, I feel like I could murder him with mere will. He’s still laughing heartedly, and even more so when seeing my unhappy face, and I don’t waste time over words, I simply wave in the water with my arm so it splashes in his face.

“Not funny,” I say indignantly.

“Hilarious,” he assures me with a grin, “Not fair, though.”

            He waves water back at me and a pursuit ensues, during which I try to catch him for vengeance. When I finally do, I tap into my supernatural strength and push onto his shoulders until his back hits the water and his head disappears beneath the surface for a sufficient amount of time. There, I breathe with satisfaction, now I can allow a satisfied smile on my lips.

            He swims away from me and resurfaces, a broad grin already plastered on his face.

“There will be retaliation for that,” he promises.

“This _was_ retaliation,” I correct him, “Now we’re even.”

“Not nearly.”

            Another pursuit ensues, filled with laughter, yelps, splashes of water and playful physical contact, lots of it. It’s like any pretext is good enough to touch each other’s skin. His eyes sparkle and mine do as well, but this moment and this day are perfect, and I cannot bring myself to keep away. When he pulls me in, I don’t resist and rest my hands on his chest while his settle on my waist. Laughter dies on his lips and the air is loaded with want and questions. What will we do now? He doesn’t move further and I suspect he’s waiting for me to make the decision – aren’t I the one in charge of defining boundaries and saying no?

            I turn around, secure his arms around me and rest my back against his chest. He holds me in silence, resting his chin on top of my head and I close my eyes, sighing with ease. This should be what every moment of every day looks like and feels like. No argument over what’s okay between us, just blissfully taking moments like this as they come; peaceful and right.

            I bury my face in his neck, reveling in the warmth of his skin and the curve of his muscles nicely shaping his body, and say quietly, “You have no idea how you make me feel.”

            His hold gently tightens around me, his hands caress my arms and he presses a kiss in my hair.

“If it’s anywhere near how you make me feel, I think I have a clue.”

“No,” I simply say, reaching a hand to his cheek, “you don’t.”

            We stand like this for several minutes. We don’t need any more words right now, though so many things could be said, and we don’t need to kiss or caress further, though we both long for it. We simply stand, holding each other, and it’s enough.

“I’m going to let you go before I can’t even do that anymore,” he whispers at some point.

            I consider holding him back but I know it would bring up the issue of more, and I know how this will end – with me saying no and feeling terrible about it afterwards. He lets me go gently and his absence weighs on me; I’m suddenly cold and hollow, and a lump forms in my throat. I’ve never cried with longing but right now, I feel like I could. I watch him leave the pool and sit on his towel, unfolding his turkey sandwich from its plastic, and I turn my head in the opposite direction and start swimming.

 

* * *

Don't mind me, I've been feeling like updating this week x) 

I hope you enjoyed this one! Let me know what you think! :)


	35. Chapter 35

Thirty-five

 

            When I come out of the water and join him, I almost want to laugh because by the way his eyes caress my body, I feel like a sexy James Bond girl and I love it. I squish the water out of my hair before settling down next to him and snagging a strawberry from the fruit Tupperware he is holding.

I close my eyes and offer my face to the sun, so glad to let its warmth dry my skin. This is so different from the biting cold in 1903, I could seriously get used to it. I mean, we could literally leave a note in the kitchen saying ‘hey, we’re in 1994 for today; be back by five,’ for anyone who would come and rescue us. I’ll have to mention that to him.

When I look at him, he is watching me with such tenderness and devotion that my body heats up and I shiver, but I don’t look away. He slowly, carefully leans in and presses a kiss to my lips, soft, gentle and full of a vulnerability that squeezes my heart. He then rests his forehead on mine, eyes closed in defeat, and whispers, “Forgive me. I know I’m not allowed to kiss you but I really, really needed to.”

Not allowed. The words resonate deep inside me. I can’t help but think of the way he was not allowed to touch anyone in his family since he was eight, how he longed for any kind of tenderness for years and how it broke him to the point that he suppressed his feelings to stop the pain. _Not allowed_. My heart sinks as I realize I have been doing just that to him. Not in the same way as his parents, because they were repulsed by him and didn’t want to touch him anymore, while I do. I want his touch, I long for it, crave it, and I selfishly deprive him – us both – of it and why? Because it’s not _convenient_ for me?

His eyes focus on my knee, somewhere low where they can’t meet mine because he’s ashamed of what he just did, of this weakness that could anger me and deteriorate our perfect day. Shame surges inside me, as well as a tenderness for him so powerful that I need him to know, to feel it. I lean in and kiss him, candidly, desperately. I pull him in by his neck and hold him as close as I can. This isn’t about lust; I want this kiss to convey all the tenderness I have for him, I want it to say how sorry I am for holding on to it selfishly while I wanted him to have it all along; I want him to revel in it, blossom in it, find the strength to go on. Of course, you’re allowed, I want to say, of course you can touch me and kiss me and feel good about it. I won’t hold back anymore, I want you to have it all, I want to give you everything I have.

Right now, I do feel the fear creeping up inside but I choose to ignore it; I am strong enough. I’m not being reckless, this is not just about desire anymore, it’s about how much I want his eyes to light up with joy, how I live for his smile and how I long to be the source of it every minute of every day. He pulls me in, certainly not refusing me, but cautious not to go too far and I’m the one to push him to go further; I won’t be holding back anymore, I promise. You deserve that, and so much more.

His mouth tastes of apples; his warm hands brush my skin, so careful not to grip too tightly, so gentle and light; and I move closer, settling in his lap, one knee on each side of him. I press my body against his, skin against skin, save for the few pieces of fabric left between us, and when I rub my body against his, he starts and lets out a moan that ravages me from the inside.

“Wait– wait,” he pants, not even sure what he’s trying to say, “You said–”

            I silence him with a long kiss, before resting my forehead on his.

“I don’t care what I said.”

            He stares, until the information sinks in and I see his face light up with the happiest smile. I remember how he thought he was not good enough for me and I capture his mouth again, showing, instead of telling, how good enough he is for me. He finally responds fully, giving in to the desire he’s been holding back, and maintains me closer, clinging to the string of my bikini bra, tied in my back. This is it; I’m letting go.

            We are still in the midst of making out wildly when he tries to pull back from my mouth. I don’t let him, of course, but then he does it again and pants, “Andy, wait– can you hear that?”

“Hm-mm,” I nod impatiently, already ravishing his swollen lips. My hands caress and knead his skin wherever they can get and he resorts to cupping my face in his hands to immobilize me.

“Listen,” he whispers. I have no choice but comply and for a moment, I can’t hear anything but our scattered breaths, the beating of my heart, the fabric of our swimwear softly rubbing together; and then, I hear it.

“Is that a phone?”

            He beams at me and we stare at each other, marveling at what this means. We’re alone in the world and a phone is ringing somewhere near us; someone is trying to reach out. We both exhale in relief and start laughing; it almost feels like this unaddressed tension kept building up during our time here and now it’s finally crumbling down. I can’t believe it! We share a kiss, happy and finally not alone.

“We might want to get that,” he suggests and I nod.

“Right.”

            I would lie if I said that it’s easy to leave his embrace. My body is almost stiff, like it doesn’t want to let go of him, but my brain revels in hope and knows this is important. We get up and I randomly grab a tee shirt to put on – his – as we head towards the reception desk. The ringing becomes the only sound interrupting this endless, deafening silence around us, it almost feels disruptive, but Kai picks up the phone and it stops.

“Mystic Falls’ swimming center of 1994, how may I help you?”

            I smile at his easiness and take his hand. He brings me to his chest while listening and I lift my heels to hear.

“ _…is Andy?_ ”

“Don’t worry, Bon-Bon, she’s right here beside me.”

“Bonnie?” I mouth and he nods.

“ _I wanna talk to her._ ”

“Not before you tell me how you’re gonna get us out of here.”

“Come on,” I say, gently taking the phone, “Bonnie, is that you?”

“ _Andy?_ ”

“Oh my God,” I let out, a tear of relief rolling on my cheek.

“ _Andy, are you alright?_ ”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just– Can you _please_ get us out of here? Like, now?”

            My voice shakes so much, you could believe I’ve spent the day crying. All the fear and uneasiness these prison worlds ever made me feel suddenly creep inside me, oppressing me. I want to get out as soon as possible; I want to see people and hug people, I want to say hi to a stranger in the street. Kai gently rubs my back for comfort and I let it soothe me. Breathe, Andy; it’s almost over; breathe.

“ _Is it safe for you to talk?_ ” Bonnie’s voice asks with caution.

“Yeah, of course,” I nod, “Just tell us how we can get out.”

“ _How come you guys are in ‘94? It’s been awfully difficult to keep track of you._ ”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I say impatiently, “We just jump form world to world sometimes; but tell me: what’s the plan? Where do you need us?”

“ _Do you think you can go back to 1903 on your own?_ ”

“Uh– sure, we can jump if that’s where you need us to be,” I say before turning to Kai, “We’re heading back to 1903.”

“ _Andy, is there any way for you to… I don’t know, knock him out and restrain him long enough for me to retrieve you from 1903?_ ”

“What?” I breathe out, completely lost. I look up at Kai with confusion and I see him clench his jaw; his face is now cold, devoid of that warmth I like so much. All of a sudden, he looks like the person I used to abhor, except for the clear pain in his eyes that I’ve learned to identify when he tries his best to hide it, and I hate it; I hate that he doesn’t get to be anything else than a monster in everybody else’s eyes. We’re stuck in a loop of the same two days, and yet we are the ones who moved forward. To them he’s still the enemy.

“No,” I finally answer firmly. “No, he’s coming back with me.”

“ _Look, Andy, I need to make sure that he–_ ” He snatches the phone back with anger.

“It’s the two of us or nothing,” he informs her coldly. I try to lean in in order to hear Bonnie’s voice but he turns away from me. I frown while they discuss his coming back. He finally gets her to give him a location and a time and then he abruptly hangs up.

“So?” I ask after a while.

“1903, tomorrow night in the tunnel cave.”

“The one in the woods near the house?” He nods once. I frown, because this doesn’t look like he’s happy to be going back. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” he says lightly, faking a smile that makes my heart sink, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Look, we _are_ going back, okay? The two of us, together. I promise.”

            He nods but looks to the ground and my throat tightens. I get why he would be convinced that the others are going to screw him over; deep down, I know they’re going to try; but I won’t let them. I reach for his hand but he recoils.

“Let’s get our things and head back to 1903; you have some packing up to do.”

 

*******

 

            I am in my bathroom, the one adjacent to my bedroom – or, my former one, rather. I still have the habit to change here, into my warm flannel pajamas that are so fit for winter, before I join him to go to sleep. I usually like having this moment to myself but right now, a tightness oppresses my chest and my throat, and I long to be with him again.

I have been feeling like that all day: unsettled and concerned. We came back to 1903 in silence; Kai was lost in thoughts and I didn’t know what to say to him to make him feel better. ‘Of course, I’m not gonna leave you here’, I wanted to say, ‘I couldn’t even if I wanted to; don’t you see that?’

We each chose a backpack and started packing up, going our separate ways in the house. It wasn’t that long: we don’t have any clothes to bring back and I’m guessing we’re both planning on wearing our twenty-first century clothes tomorrow, so we only needed to take a couple objects we grew attached to. Then we spent the afternoon as normally as we could; me reading and him writing, but you could feel this tension in the air, this impatience full of worry.

            At dinner, you could think things were back to normal. We talked and sometimes laughed, but it wasn’t nearly as light and easy as what it had grown into in the last few weeks. The real world was catching up on us; a world in which we were more enemies than friends. It simply made my heart sink to see him put on a good face while I knew he thought this was our last day together, our last meal, our last song. He is convinced that after tomorrow night, he’ll end up alone in this prison, forever. That is why he was so distant all day and all night; he would laugh and smile, but it wouldn’t reach his eyes and there was nothing I could do. Once more, I was utterly powerless and useless.

My stomach has been wringed all day, and though I know for a fact that I won’t let him end up alone, he is convinced otherwise, and I can’t fight that. All I can do is wait to prove him wrong; but then, there is this voice inside me whispering that maybe he’s right, maybe they’re gonna find a way to keep him here, and tears fill my eyes. That would be unfair.

When I join him, he is already in bed, lying on his side and turning his back to me. I close the door and rest my back against it for a while.

“Is it okay if I sleep here tonight?” My voice is quiet, because it’ll break if I try to speak louder; his distress will break me.

“You do what you want, Andy,” he whispers without a glance for me and my heart aches.

            He’s giving up already but I won’t. I have been here for nearly two months, I know what it’s like and nobody deserves it; _you_ don’t deserve it. I wedge the door with the usual chair and slip under the blanket, snuggling up against his back. It’s the first time I allow myself to do that, and God knows how often I have itched to do it before. I can’t believe I’ve lost so much time staying away while it’s so easy to hold him. I press a kiss to his shoulder and he secures my hands on his chest, inhaling deeply.

“I know it’s very selfish, but I really liked having you here,” he whispers in the dark.

“I’m not leaving you here,” I whisper back, “I promise.”

“You can’t promise that. You don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

            He sniffs and I understand he’s been crying; I hold him tighter, it’s like my chest is going to explode.

“Hey, we’re a team now, a package deal. We’re invincible, remember? Even if they try to keep you here, they’re gonna fail. I won’t let them.” I can’t have my team broken again, I can’t just lose him like that.

“You think you can change their minds about the sociopath who killed half his family in one night and then absorbed his brother to death? You’re very optimistic.”

“Listen to me,” I say more firmly, “I don’t need to change their minds and I don’t care what they think. I’m a damn Lightbringer, for God’s sake, I get to choose what my witches deserve; not Bonnie, not Damon or Liv or anyone else. Me. And you deserve to come back with me.” You deserve a second chance.

            He slowly turns around to face me and rests his forehead on mine; I graze his nose with mine, feeling the tears that rolled down.

“You and I both know I deserve this.”

“No, you don’t–”

“I do. They can’t kill me without killing the whole coven but this… this is the perfect punishment for what I’ve done. And this time, I won’t just be detached and bored, I’ll be able to feel it every second of every day. It’s what I’ve always deserved.”

“No, listen to me,” I pause, inhaling to hold back the tears, and I cup his face in my hands, “You went astray a long time ago; it was a mistake and you paid for it. Enough people have died and suffered, including you. You told me yourself: your entire life is going to be about making it right for the people you’ve hurt. You deserve the chance to make it right; and you will. You’re going to honor your siblings, you’re going to honor Luke, and you are going to be the best leader the Gemini have ever known.”

“I won’t even make it back–”

“You will,” I cut him, “I’ll make sure of that. And even if something goes wrong tomorrow, it’ll be only a matter of time before I come back and get you out of here, okay?”

            He has this sad snort that I hate. “That’s adorable, officer, but do you think they’ll let you?”

“Oh they won’t have a choice,” I say in a fierce voice that makes him smile. “If they unleash me and someone stands against me on this, I’m gonna become their worst nightmare. I’ll give them hell until you’re back; they have no idea what’s coming for them.”

“Then I have nothing to worry about.”

I clench my jaw, hating that he’s the one trying to cheer _me_ , hating that I’m not fooled. Should I slap him? Get him angry and watch him fight fiercely for what he wants? In the dark of the room, I’m glad he can’t see the tears that burn my eyes. This cannot be happening. I cannot be leaving without him.

“I’ll get you out,” I whisper. “You won’t be stuck forever.”

He kisses my temple, caresses my cheek, and I settle his palm on my stomach.

“Get some sleep, Andy.” 

 

* * *

WOOHOO, the real world reached out! FINALLY! I don't know about you guys, but I felt like I was going insane in this loooong period of time spent in this prison world. I can't imagine how Andy and Kai must feel (well, I can, but I don't think I could handle it XD)


	36. Chapter 36

Thirty-six

 

“Why does it have to be in a dark, creepy cave anyway?” I ask unhappily, as I take care not to twist my ankle with these unexpected rocks on the ground.

“That Mystic Cave map really freaked you out when you were a kid.”

            I wince at him behind his back. I could insist and say it would be better and easier to be out there above the surface, but it wouldn’t. When we left the house to find that cave tonight, the winds were howling and angry snowflakes were attacking us from everywhere; now as creepy as being here might be, it’s not nearly as difficult as the snowstorm above our heads.

            When the tunnel leads us into the larger cave, somehow less dark than the others, I follow Kai toward the center of it. Right above us, a hole in the ground allows us to see the night sky and the northern lights; snowflakes spin in the air and fall, accumulating in small, white piles at our feet. The witch takes a look at the lights, then at his watch and nods to himself.

“Right on time; now we wait.”

            He settles the ascendant right under the lights, then takes a couple steps back, so as not to remain under the snow fall, and drops his backpack to the ground. I watch him take a box of biscuits out of it and shake my head when he offers me some. My stomach is all tied and tensed, I can’t eat anything.

I drop my backpack next to his and silently watch the sky and the northern lights, those beautiful ribbons of vivid blue and green, dancing in the dark. It is a wonderful thing to see, it’s a shame we didn’t come to enjoy it more often; but then, it was always more comfortable to stay home at night, where it was warm and cozy, rather than go up against a snowstorm. Besides, I never felt completely safe at night in this world; not since realizing we weren’t alone.

            It’s weird to think we’ll be leaving this place without knowing who or what was there with us. Spirits? Ghosts? Other prisoners? I guess Kai will have to dig into his family archives to know more. I look at him and watch him stare intensely at the ascendant, waiting for that blessed, bright, white light to embrace us and take us home.

            I start pacing around, unable to remain clam; my stomach twists and twirls with apprehension. As soon as the rescue team lands, they’ll probably try to hinder him somehow so I need to be quick and firm about my decision to bring him back. Once this part done, they’ll see over time that he’s changed, just like I got to see it. All I need is to make sure he comes back with us. I can’t just leave him here alone, that would be... Breathe, Andy. Let’s get this over with.

I exhale once more with impatience and freeze. I listen hard for a second and then my head whips to the right, towards the dark tunnel we just came from. I can’t help but feel like we’re not alone; is someone there with us? I frown and step towards the entrance of the larger cave, peeking out in the darkness. It’s like there is this presence, lurking right here, the same one as in the house.

            I don’t know whether it’s because I’m about to go back to the real world but I’m not feeling defenseless right now; if anything, I’m feeling strong and untouchable like never before in this place. I turn my head to Kai, about to ask him to come with me check it out but I catch myself before that – he’s terrified of missing the ride home, I won’t get him to step away from the northern lights. Besides, I probably shouldn’t care for it; we’re this close to going home, I should just stick with my witch. Yet, there is this presence calling for me, right here in the dark, this pull to go and see the face of what’s been lurking behind my door for so many nights.

“Watch for the portal,” I say, “I’ll take a look around.”

            He distractedly nods, still absorbed in his contemplation of the ascendant, as if he could activate it by mere will, and I step out of the cave, squinting in order to see better but there’s nothing to see except the narrow walls of the tunnel. I know I should go back; the portal is going to open any minute now and they’ll be here, attacking him with weapons, words and looks, but the pull is too insistent, the curiosity too appealing and the others are going to land and rescue us anyway, nothing can happen to me. I step further into the darkness and take a careful look around– What was that? Right there, it just disappeared at the corner of the tunnel. Was that a _Light_? I’m not even sure, it was so quick and so grim.

“Andy!” Kai’s voice shouts from behind me in the cave and I motion to walk back but there is that glimpse again; not even a glimpse, more like a lighter shade of darkness blending in the darkness, so thin and so tenuous I can’t even tell whether it’s real while I’m looking at it. And it’s staring right back. I shiver.

“ANDY!” he calls louder, and I can hear the urgency in his voice.

            I finally unlock my attention from this presence and walk back to him only to stop at the entrance of the larger cave, stunned. My witch is there, standing in that white light that invaded the space, holding on to the ascendant that started floating in the air, calling out my name like he’s not gonna hold. Our backpacks are still on the ground not far from him and his box of biscuits is lying there as well, as if it fell when he got up and lunged for the ascendant.

A terrifying anguish settles inside me, as I understand what’s going on: the others are not coming, they simply threw this life belt in the sea and wait for us to grab it; for me.

            I immediately run for it; Kai outstretches his arm toward me and I tap into my supernatural speed, aiming for his hand. It all happens in half a second, though it feels like an eternity; I run, reach out for his hand and lunge– Nothing. The cave is dark and my hand grasps for emptiness in the air. He’s gone.

 

*****

 

“NO!”

The bright, white light vanishes and Kai’s feet settle on the ground. He is confused but the daylight, the warmer temperature and the woods around him, all bare of the inches of snow he is used to seeing every day, force him to understand. “No,” he whispers, looking at the ascendant in his hand like he doesn’t know what it is.

“Kai?” “Oh, God, no.” “What the hell, Bonnie?”

The voices are distant, non-existent, void of any meaning. Powerful hands abruptly grab him by his coat and a man’s face appears in front of his, distorted with anger.

“ _Where_ is she? What did you do to her?”

            Kai couldn’t care less about him; he needs to do the spell again, they need to get her back. He looks around for the Bennett witch, ignoring Liv’s pained and scared face as she stands closer to Alaric, and locks eyes with Bonnie, not letting her fear and hatred get to him.

“Do it again,” he orders, holding the ascendant towards her.

“I can’t,” she says quietly, guilt clouding her eyes.

“She was right there!” Kai shouts, feeling more and more oppressed with despair. “We’re doing it again; I don’t care if I have to bleed you for it.”

“Hey,” Damon says with authority, as he protectively steps before Bonnie, “No need to bleed anyone. We’re going to cast the spell again and we’re going to get Andy back.”

“Damon, I _can’t_ ,” Bonnie whispers.

            He turns to her sad face and then looks up to the sky; they all imitate him and understand they are now missing a key element to opening the portal. Magic, ascendant, Bennett blood, recurring celestial event. Now that this one is over, Andy is stuck; until the next one.

“We can’t leave her in there,” Alaric points out, his arms folded.

“I _know_ ,” Bonnie turns to him, her voice rendered brusque by the need to defend herself.

“Look,” Damon intervenes calmly, “we knew it might not work, that’s why we have our back-up plan.” He turns to the stranger still holding Kai in his grip and assures him he looked up all the celestial events coming up in the next few days. “There is this moon eclipse coming up soon so everybody just chill; we’re getting her back.”

            Silence meets his words and they all look at Kai, who is now staring at his other hand, the empty one, like something is missing. The stranger squints at him, undecided as to what to do with him, and Damon seems to detect his lust for murder. “Hey, remember this is the Gemini leader’s skull you’re about to smash; you might want to think about it twice before you murder his entire coven for free.”

“All you do is talk, Damon,” the stranger retorts, not leaving Kai out of his sight. “You promised this spell would get her back and it didn’t.”

“But it brought Kai back, which means it works,” the vampire points out.

“Well, one of you definitely needs to learn how to aim properly,” the other man retorts.

“I’m sorry,” Bonnie snaps at him, “I tried, okay? It wasn’t easy but I tried; and I failed.”

“You _tried_?” Kai coolly repeats, a cold anger taking over him. “She was _right there_! Had you waited for one more second, she would have made it back; had you come to 1903 yourself and secured her way through, she would have made it back. Don’t say you tried, Bonnie. All you were trying to do was hold _me_ back, no matter whether she got through.”

            Silence meets his words and the two stare with animosity. They all certainly expected him to snap and try to murder everybody if he were to escape – they know he is still able to do that with just one and a half thought – but until now, he’s been rather passive and his anger doesn’t seem to be about revenge. That is what throws them all off.

Bonnie is the one to look away. She purses her lips and shakes her head, probably angry with herself for failing at rescuing the right person.

“It was supposed to be her,” she whispers after a while, “not you.”

“She was right there.”

            The mood changes in the woods; now that they’re done arguing, the atmosphere shifts to general disappointment and defeat. They were trying to rescue Andy and they failed. Liv brushes a hand in her hair and shakes her head.

“What do we do now?” she asks Damon.

“We wait,” Kai answers for him. Heads whip to him at these words. He looks calmer now, composed. There is a plan and he can act on that. “We wait here for the next event and make sure we don’t miss it.”

            Liv internally shrinks back when hearing this, and she doesn’t know why immediately. She never saw her brother so serious and calm about something, not about the _right_ thing, that is. Just now, he sounded a lot like her dad when he would wear his leader hat and give an order. Just now, with this fierce resolution in his blue eyes, he looks a lot like Luke. She looks away and Damon winces.

“Yeah, when I said it’s coming up soon, I didn’t mean in a matter of hours.” Both Kai and the stranger frown at him and he cautiously announces, “The moon eclipse is in twelve days.”

“Twelve _days_?” Kai and the stranger snap in one voice.

            The witch looks at him and squints, finally acknowledging his existence. The guy is nearly as tall as him, a couple years older and more broadly shaped; his skin is bronzed, his black hair is streaked with silver near his temples, and his big brown eyes convey nothing but utter defiance towards him – the same as everybody else here, one might say – and animosity.

“And who would you be?” he asks, recoiling from the stranger’s grip.

“I’m Jared–”

“Great,” Kai mutters, shaking his head and trying to remain calm, but anger isn’t far. “It had to be you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t even know you.”

“I just can’t believe Alice wouldn’t come, you know,” he despicably smirks. “I mean, her sister goes missing for _months_ and she doesn’t even come herself, she sends her _husband_ over like it’s nothing.”

            Jared opens his mouth but doesn’t reply, taken aback, and while they all frown – all except Liv, for she seems to be perpetually frowning by default – Alaric is the one to speak.

“Wait… you’re the leader’s _husband_? I thought you were important. Clanwise, I mean.”

“I am,” Jared finally says, glaring at Kai, “and not that it’s any of your business, but our leader can’t just drop everything and run over when someone goes missing; even when it’s her sister.”

“But she can spare her first lieutenant apparently,” the witch retorts, not buying it.

“I’ve known Andy all my life, she’s like a sister to me. Now I don’t know what you think you know about us, but I’m not discussing clan business with you; with any of you.”

“Wait,” Damon says with a slow frown, “how do you even know all this? It took us _weeks_ to get that guy to tell us how he likes his coffee and here you come, throwing intel like rank and marital status when only hearing his name.”

“I don’t know, Damon”, Kai says with a shrug, “I probably tortured it all out of Andy during our time in prison.”

            At these words, Jared grabs the witch’s coat again, threatening him with a clenched fist. Kai only smirks, unmoved, while Damon and Alaric start, not knowing whether to stop him or not. This is witch business after all, witches and Lightbringers; after spending time around Andy and after all those weeks spent with Jared, they can’t help but wonder: are they allowed to interfere between the two?

“Don’t hold your breath,” Kai tells them dramatically. “He’s not going to punch me; in fact, it’s in his best interest to keep me alive and safe.”

            He offers the Lightbringer an angelic smile, his best defense against so much dislike and hatred, the kind of smile that tells them nothing can get to him. 

“He’s right,” Bonnie intervenes. “If anything happens to Kai here, who knows what will happen to the prison worlds? Let’s not do anything that could risk Andy’s safety.”

“See? You can be smart when you want to.”

            She glares at Kai, but he can’t even look at her, and Jared lowers his fist. The Gemini leader steps out of his reach once more, saying, “The thing, Jar – you don’t mind me calling you Jar, right? – the thing is, I know the reason why you’re here. You’re here because your lovely wife of a leader couldn’t trust anyone else but you on this case.” Jared stiffens and the others frown, listening. “You’re here, because she couldn’t send an entire rescue team over to Mystic Falls and risk exposing her father’s secret alliance with mine.”

            The Lightbringer clenches his jaw and the witch addresses a self-important smile to his audience – most of whom are currently wishing they could snap his neck. “Because if your elders find out that she’s been lying to them about it since last summer, chances are they’re gonna get really pissed and they might… I don’t know, destitute her from leadership? Like some sort of a supernatural impeachment. Of course, you and Andy would be suspended as well for complying and possibly endangering the clan, which usually doesn’t sit well with any group of elders if you ask me, and the whole Lightbringer community would be forced to throw new elections or whatever, facing the turmoil of political unrest, instead of assessing witches who need it. That wouldn’t be good, right?”

            Jared glares at him, possibly hating him more than he ever hated anyone – especially a witch – but he doesn’t say anything.

“So remember that, every time you want to hurt me or one from my coven, Jared of the Lightbringers: if you’re the first one to strike, I’ll become your worst nightmare; and not by tearing heads off, but simply by showing up in a certain house in Vermont and telling everybody the truth.”

            Happy with himself, Kai gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder before turning around to face the others.

“So,” he says lightly, “who’s up for pizza?”

 

* * *

So, Andy's stuck, who saw that one coming? ;) 

Honestly, stepping out of the prison worlds was a real breath of fresh air, it was really oppressing to be in there for so many chapters (yeah well, it's called 'prison' for a reason), but it doesn't look like we're entirely done with it ;D

Also, can we take moment to acknowledge this crazy fanart drawn by [PolkaDotDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolkaDotDragon/pseuds/PolkaDotDragon)? Here's the link to the draawing inspired by Andy feeling like a James Bond Girl when Kai watches her come out of the pool in the previous chapter: [link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19469812) !

Have a great day! :)


	37. Chapter 37

Thirty-seven

 

“Orh, bummer, I _did_ specify no mushrooms.”

            The Gemini leader winces and uses a fork to get rid of the unwanted ingredients. He is sitting at the Salvatore’s kitchen table, feeling a lot like it’s his home, and the others are staring at him, arms folded across their chests for the most part, not quite happy with his easiness. “Dig in,” he says, nodding toward the untouched boxes piled up next to him, “shy people die thin.”

            Elena walks in and comes to a halt when seeing the witch. She tilts her head in suspicion and glances at Damon, confused.

“I thought we were only getting Andy back; what is _he_ doing here?”

            Damon opens his mouth but Kai beats him to it, “Surprise, surprise, Elena; turns out Bon-Bon was more into leaving me in than letting her out. And people are glaring at _me_ for some reason. Miss me?”

“That’s not exactly what happened,” Damon objects sternly.

“Isn’t it?” the witch asks, his mouth full of pizza. The vampire winces and Bonnie sighs.

“Kai hijacked Andy’s ride,” she explains.

“Of course, I did,” he whispers wearily, not losing his smile but focusing on his pizza.

“That’s it, I’m out of here; I can’t stomach to watch him gloat while Andy’s still back there.”

            Bonnie makes for the door but it violently shuts closed before her. They all start and imitate her when she turns her face to Kai, who is patiently sucking some tomato sauce off his thumb.

“Actually, you’re not leaving just yet.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” she grits, and Elena and Damon imperceptibly shift their position so as to be ready to lunge and protect her from him if needs be.

“Relax, I’m not going to attack Bonnie; though it _did_ break my heart when you stabbed me in the back, repeatedly, before leaving me to die.”

“Why does that scenario sound familiar?” she wonders, obviously faking.

“I did apologize for that. Anyway, all I need is your blood. Not all of it; I’ll settle for a phial or a mug, I don’t care in what kind of container you put it.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Look, you had one job today, it was to retrieve Andy from 1903 _and_ keep me trapped; final scores? I’m over here and she’s over there. Now I’m not taking the chance of you not showing up in twelve days, for whatever reason you might have. Hand over the blood.”

“I’m not giving you my blood.”

“Jared? A little help here?”

            The stern Lightbringer furrows his brow and assesses the witch for a moment. Kai holds his gaze in a very confident way, like he knows he’s right anyway, and Jared dislikes that very much, but he’s been here long enough to know anything could get in the way of a well-orchestred plan. Arms still folded, he exhales and slightly nods to the Gemini.

“He’s right; we can’t be too reckless with this. Give him your blood, Bonnie; I’ll make sure he stays out of your way and sticks to the plan.”

            Bonnie frowns at him, then looks at the others for help. Damon and Alaric look to the ground, which means they agree with Jared – shocker –, Liv is busy glaring at her brother, and Elena gives her an unsure shrug. She finally complies, grabbing a knife in a drawer and cutting her hand over a clean mug. The Gemini grins at her and gives Jared a conniving wink.

“Now what I’m _dying_ to know,” he says, pushing a pizza box toward Alaric and one toward Damon, who both eye it with envy but won’t condescend to eat with him, “is why in the worlds did it take you so long to come and rescue us. I mean– _her_.”

            Some of them exchange uneasy glances but they won’t speak. Kai turns to Liv, offering her a slice of pizza, which she declines with despise. “I don’t really blame the others, I don’t know how much you guys care for her, but I must say I _am_ disappointed in you, little sis. I mean, your friend goes missing and after a reasonable amount of time – let’s say a week or even three – you realize she’s stuck in a prison world with your evil big brother. How do you not come sooner?” The curly-blond witch glares at him.

“It wasn’t easy,” she grits, casting a glance over at Bonnie.

“Easy?” he repeats, arching an eyebrow. “Come now, Livvie Pooh, I taught you how to play Gator Golf when you were a kid and you wouldn’t settle for less than a crushing victory – which never happened, of course.”

“Thank you, for the trip down Memory Lane,” she spits with sarcasm, ignoring the pang in her chest, “but I’m done talking to you.” She gives a circular look and says, “I’ll come back tomorrow to work on fixing the ascendant more permanently.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“We’ll come to why this world’s ascendant is a mess in a minute, but I’ll take care of fixing it. _You_ are to blissfully resume school and work, and not mind whatever happens here. You’ll come back to help on operation rescue 2.0 in twelve days but in the meantime, I don’t want to see you anywhere near this house.” Brows raise at this tranquil command and Liv gapes at her brother, half with surprise and half with anger.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do–”

“Actually, I do,” he smiles, “I’m your leader now, and as your leader, I order you to go back to your life until D-day. Now don’t challenge my authority, little sis, because I’ll have to make it very unpleasant for you and you know you’re gonna end up obeying me anyway, so…”

            He takes another bite, unbothered, and tilts his head, watching her until she leaves, definitely angry. Right after that, Bonnie abruptly sets the mug with her blood on the table and grabs Elena’s hand before leaving as well. “Look at that,” Kai rejoices, “we’re on for a guys’ night. Come on, don’t scowl like that, you know you want some of that pizza. And we don’t have to share with the ladies now.”

Jared scowls, assessing, and Kai starts thinking this might be a Lightbringer trait, while Alaric and Damon share a glance, before the latter shrugs and opens a box. “So. What’s the deal with the ascendant?” Damon takes a bite while Alaric gives in and steps forward, opening a box as well.

“It went under a little destruction spell,” the blue-eyed vampire explains.

“Huh. Cast by whom?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Come on, Damon; Andy and I have bets going on.” They all look up and frown, processing his words, and the witch shrugs, focusing on his slice. “You didn’t expect us to divide the world in two and each take half, did you?”

“Maybe not, but you’ve been awfully intent on helping her out tonight. What are you up to?”

“The same thing I was up to when I helped you give Bonnie that message in ‘94, or when I helped Jeremy save her. I actually risked my life for that,” he specifies to Jared.

            The Lightbringer arches a brow and finally accepts the slice Alaric is offering him.

“If you’re trying to win me over,” Jared warns calmly, “it’s not gonna work.”

“Yeah, I know, impartiality and all that. I’m just helping you get the bigger picture here, since you’ll probably end up monitoring me full-time when this is all over.”

“Are you?” Damon arches a brow at the hunter. 

“Things might turn out that way,” Jared carefully answers and Kai rolls his eyes.

“According to Andy, she’ll get suspended as soon as she comes back. Alice will be left with no one she can trust but her sweet husband here to watch me. Aren’t I a lucky little witch?”

            All three men wince in incomprehension and disbelief across the table, and the leader chuckles.

“How in the hell do you know so much about clan stuff?” Alaric asks. “You and Andy were never friends.”

“We learned to compose with each other,” Kai smiles to himself.

“Last time I checked, you were trying to _kill_ each other,” the professor points out.

“Come on, Rick, that was first, second and third date. We’re basically BFFs now.” Damon snorts and glances converge to him.

“Just saying, you merged with her _actual_ best friend until death did them part, I’m not sure where any kind of friendship could stand in the midst of that – assuming friendship is a concept _you_ know about.” The witch gives him a look.

“Well, you experienced it yourself, Damon. One minute, you and Bon-Bon are at each other’s throats and the next– or rather, after four months of captivity and bickering in ‘94, you guys are best friends.”

“Not comparable,” the vampire squints.

“Back to the ascendant, please,” the witch calls for, “or to the story of how it took you forever to react; your choice.” Damon cracks his neck left and right and grabs another slice of pizza, watching the melted cheese stretch until it cuts.

“Let’s say it took us a while to realize she was trapped. We didn’t know she’d come at all, we thought she’d stayed back in 2013. When we got back and didn’t see her, we assumed she’d just left–”

“With which car, we carpooled on the way here.”

            They all ignore Jared’s arched brow at Kai’s words and Damon continues.

“I know, I know; Jared here gave us a proper dress down because it’s not like her, she would have seen her witches through the end and blah blah blah, we get it. The thing is, we had a lot on our plates, with my mother being back from the dead, Stefan and Caroline’s humanities to trigger back on–”

“Oh, how did that go?” the witch asks, genuinely interested.

“Will you stop interrupting me?” Damon snaps. “It went as bad as it could; bottom line is: we got them back. In the meantime, your little sis Twinderella started asking around about Andy, after going a few days without seeing her or having news.” The vampire walks up to the fridge, pulling out fresh beers: first three, and then another one. He comes to settle back on his stool and starts sipping his beverage.

“And?” Kai asks, taking one.

“And nothing. The last we’d seen of her, she was in the living room and now she was nowhere to be found. Her car was at her dorm, her things were over there, her suitemates didn’t know anything about an unexpected trip home and it’s not like we could reach out to her family. When Liv suggested she could have went through to 1903, I _laughed_ at her.”

            The witch clenches his jaw when remembering the moment; that moment when he saw them all disappear in that flash of white light, leaving him alone forever in the snow. He pushes the memory away and focuses on Damon’s voice. “…started to think she might _actually_ be there. Now we discussed getting her out but things were a little tense.”

“Do explain.”

“First, in order to get my mother to agree to help trigger Stefan’s humanity back, I had to relinquish the 1903 ascendant to her for safe keeping. She wanted – and still wants, by the way – to let her crazy friends out of jail. Now I was thinking about maybe suggesting a deal for another trip or something, just to get Andy back and leave everybody else to rot, obviously,” he gives Kai a fake smile and the witch returns it, “but when Bonnie ended up stealing it back from my mother, she made sure no one could ever use it again.”

“She destroyed it,” Kai whispers.

“That she did,” Damon confirms, watching the witch’s reaction intently.

“That’s why it looks like that.”

            The witch wipes his hand on a napkin and fishes the artifact out of his pocket. It looks like someone tried to force the wrong pieces of a puzzle together and called it a day. He tilts his head, noticing which pieces were assembled the wrong way, and nods to himself, knowing he can fix it. Damon slightly frowns: no rage, no explosion of anger. What’s his game?

“Anyway, the ascendant was broken, the question was settled: there was no getting anyone out of 1903. And then,” he says, clasping Jared’s shoulder, making the latter start and freeze while he was about to take another bite, “our new friend here comes about, asking questions about Andy, and we all got a _little_ busy trying to lay low while not triggering a major conflict between all of our species and the oh-so-deadly community of witch hunters. You get the picture.”

“I tried to keep my cover rolling as long as I could,” Jared says, holding his beer, “but it seemed like everybody here knew about Lightbringers and expected someone like me to show up. I tried to peacefully get your sister Liv to talk to me, but she disappeared on me–”

“And that’s how you found out she wasn’t the new leader after all,” the witch whispers to himself.  

“You _knew_ Andy has been lying to her clan?” Alaric exclaims, voicing everybody’s surprise.

“Even _we_ didn’t know that,” Damon mumbles.

“I only found out recently,” the witch admits, rubbing the back of his neck, while the others look at him with disbelief. “And _lying_ is a bit strong here; she merely withheld information and _Alice_ jumped to the conclusion that Liv was the new leader.” All three gape at him from across the table. Is he defending her now?

“Anyway, they finally worked up the courage to send a pregnant woman to talk to me,” Jared resumes, giving Damon the same sideway glance as Alaric’s, “and explain that Andy was trapped in a prison world; with you.”

“I can picture the big brother inside you stirring up to that,” the witch jokes and Jared nods in agreement.

“After a lot of talking with your sister Jo, I got her to help me get Andy back, _if_ I made sure you stayed put–”  

“Shocker,” Kai whispers, lowering his gaze.

“So I procured her the broken ascendant and she started working on it. When she failed, I procured her your other sister, so she’d get help. They approximately assembled it back, saying it would hold–

“Loveliest days of my life,” Alaric mutters with sarcasm and they all nod, picturing Liv and Jo working together on something.

“Then,” Damon resumes, “it was all about talking Bonnie into this, which took _time_ , and also keeping my lovely mother at bay so she wouldn’t find out.”

“And then,” Alaric adds, “it was about waiting for a recurring celestial event to come up, while making sure everybody was kinda still on board. We missed one when Enzo tried to steal the ascendant–”

“Again,” Damon cuts in at the insistent look his friend gives him, “I am _not_ responsible for Enzo choosing to side with my mother. How could I have guessed she was the one to turn him in 1903?”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Jared says, growing impatient of these two bickering constantly, “we got the ascendant back and waited for our next shot. Since there were two in a row, Bonnie suggested we locate Andy first and then work from there.”

“Hence the phone call.”

“What were you doing at the swimming pool anyway?” Damon winces.

“Getting a nice tan for summer, obviously,” Kai retorts. He crumples his napkin and throws it in his empty box, taking a sip before speaking. “So now, I’m gonna have to properly fix the ascendant and wait for Dee-day, all the while remaining discreet in the eyes of your mother.” He nods to himself, thinking. “Actually, we never saw each other; my staying here wouldn’t pose a problem, right?”

            Damon opens his mouth but no sound comes out. Usually, he would not mind for an important ally to stay in his house for a little while, it’s not like they overcrowd easily with seven bedrooms, but this is Kai Parker we’re talking about; he’s not even an ally.

“If he stays here, I stay here,” Jared calmly announces and the vampire straightens up, rolling his eyes.

“Come on, Jar, you could ask more politely.” The Lightbringer watches Kai before taking another sip. His brain is working full speed as he tries to figure out how in the world he ended up eating pizza and drinking beer with the one person he knew to be the enemy. The guy doesn’t even look threatening or dangerous, and his reactions would lead a stranger to conclude he’s friends with Andy and truly wants her back. This is beyond him.

“I don’t own a hotel; _you_ have your apartment downtown McKinley and _you_ have… whatever you have.”

“A room at a motel,” Jared answers.

“Look, I’m not looking forward to living under the same roof as people who cordially loathe me, Damon, but you can’t deny it’s a strategic place when it comes to the cave and to setting up that portal. I’m gonna have to work on it, try stuff. Staying here is simply more convenient.”

“He has a point,” Alaric agrees, his arms folded, “besides, if we unleash him in McKinley, he’s very likely to run into Jo, or Liv, or Bonnie and _that_ would get ugly.”

            The vampire winces unhappily, knowing his friend gave a low blow here.

“Alright,” he gives in, “you can stay here where I can keep my eyes on you; and _you_ get to monitor your witch.”

“Just so we’re clear,” Kai points out, “I’m not his witch.”

Damon gives him a look, signaling he doesn’t care, and stands up, “I’ll get two rooms ready for you.”

“Also,” Kai adds, turning to Alaric, “I’m gonna need to talk to my sister.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. And her, as soon as she hears of it.”

“Look, I get that she doesn’t want your munchkin anywhere near me–”

“You knew she’s pregnant?” Damon asks in disbelief, before turning a scandalized eye to Alaric. “I thought I was the first one to know, what happened to bros first?”

“Technically, I’m her bro, and _I_ was the first one to know,” Kai smiles at him, “I’m the one who told Jo in the first place.”

“Yeah, and Elena figured it out before you even knew, which makes you third.”

“Actually, it makes him fifth,” Kai points out and Damon frowns unhappily.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Alaric stresses with a look at Kai, “she’s not seeing you.”

“Look, I don’t want to hurt her or whatever, I have no reason to. I just need her to pick up the phone and ask our dad about Lily’s cellmates; I’m pretty sure there were vampires involved, rippers even, but I need to know more: who they are exactly, how many of them–”

“You won’t need Jo,” Damon cuts in, “we already know all that.” The witch cocks his head, his attention now fully on the vampire.

“Jo did call her dad– I mean, your dad,” Alaric explains, “and turns out Lily’s friends–”

“She calls them her _family_ ,” Damon snorts with a disgusted wince.

“…are not just regular rippers like her. They’re Gemini heretics.” They all see Kai’s face fall at the news, and from that alone, they know he is well aware what heretics are.

“What?” he lets out.

“Relax, I saw them while we were over there,” Damon easily says. “They’re all desiccating in a dark part of the cellar.”

“No, they’re not.” The vampire frowns at that and they all start suspecting the reason for Kai’s sudden unrest.

“What do you mean, ‘they’re not’?”

“Andy and I searched the entire house when she heard them. There was no one in the cellar.”

“There were _six_ of them.” Kai lowers his wide eyes to the table and runs a hand over his mouth, thinking fast, while Damon glances at the other two with discomfort. “Well, they couldn’t have gone far, right?”

“Besides,” Alaric adds, in order to reassure both the hunter _and_ the witch, “they’ve been out of blood for some time; like Damon said, they were desiccating.”

“But you said heretics could feed both on magic _and_ on blood,” Jared counters, “because they’re vampires with the magical abilities of witches.”

“They’re siphoners, just like Kai,” Damon explains, “who were turned into vampires. Their vampirism endlessly fuels their witchcraft. But hey, Andy isn’t defenseless, okay? She’s just like you, only tougher. She won’t let nearly-dead witchpires best her in a fight.”

“But there’s only so much that we can do with our abilities–”

“She has the strengths, the speed, and she fights like crazy. Nothing’s getting that woman down.”

“Her advantages go null if she faces _them_ ,” Kai realizes in a whisper, and the others look back at him; they almost forgot him. “They’re fast and strong just like her, but they have the advantage of magic. If they take her by surprise and feed on her, or on magic–”

“Hold on”, Damon interrupts, “there is no magic for them to feed on.”

            He knows that because Andy was the one to tell him once, when he asked why Kai hadn’t thought about sucking out her magic. She told him her supernatural abilities were indeed the fruit of magic, but she didn’t always have it with her, it was more of a spring she could choose to tap from, and though the siphoner could probably sense the magic inside her, it was too diffuse and going about too fast in and out her body for him to absorb it.

Damon tells them exactly that, because this is how he knows she is in no danger from the siphoners’ abilities. Yet, he doesn’t quite understand the horror shimmering in the Gemini’s eyes. That’s exactly what could get Jared to panic as well, and they don’t need him to be more annoying than he’s been. “You hear me? They don’t stand a _chance_ against her; they don’t have magic to draw from.”

“I need to get to 1903; now,” the witch says, pale as a ghost.

            His panic doesn’t go unnoticed and as he gets up, Jared is the one to hold his arm with an inquiring look.

“Hey, what are you not telling us?”

“I warded the house with magic.”


	38. Chapter 38

Thirty-eight

 

            Damon ends the call and turns around to face them. “Stefan will keep my mother away for as long as he can. We’re all good.”

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” Alaric asks in a doubtful voice, his arms folded.

“It’s worked before,” Damon says while Kai nods, still working on the ascendant. “It’s how we got Bonnie to know there was magic in ‘94 for her to use and come home.”

“So you’re gonna… project yourself over there,” Jared summarizes, more than skeptical.

“Something like that,” the witch whispers distractedly.

“I wanna come.” The Gemini looks up at him. “I wanna see her.”

“Look, I’ll take you to see her tomorrow if you want, but I need to do this one alone.”

            The Lightbringer frowns, ready to object, but Damon is the one to agree with Kai for once: “Creepy leader’s right, here. Last time we all tried to go, we couldn’t interact or anything. The more, the magically heavier, for some reason.”

“I only need to jump in, remove the spells, and let her know we’re on our way to get her back.”

            Jared stares at the witch at these words, trying to figure out how and why he has this persistent intuition that Kai is sincere about all this. Isn’t he supposed to be a sociopathic killer who, by definition, cares about nothing except himself? Damon did mention he absorbed his brother’s feelings during the merge but this here goes beyond anything he was expecting: he looks more than ready to help; the guy genuinely seems good.

“And you’ll give her the ascendant, right? Cause she needs it to escape?” Alaric asks.

“She’s got one,” Kai assures him. “Each world has its own version of the ascendant – because my coven likes to work in pairs, in case you haven’t noticed. This ascendant here has never left this world. I was holding on to a different one when you pulled me out; that’s why we need this one to get in and hers to get out.”

“But I don’t understand why you’re going over there to remove magic instead of just getting her back,” Jared insists. Damon opens his mouth to answer, before realizing he doesn’t know better on this one. He turns to the witch with an inquiring look.

“Hello, celestial event missing?” the witch reminds them. “For a portal to _actually_ open, we need to harness a lot of power. Like, a lot. Now, I’m powerful, like, _way_ more than any witch you’ve ever seen, but not quite eclipse-powerful.” Jared lifts a skeptical eyebrow. “More like… sunrise-powerful. Or a shooting star. The point is: I’m not really going in; all I can do with this nearly-empty ascendant is project myself long enough to take down the spells; maybe talk to her if we’re lucky. Got any messages?”

All three men frown at him and he rolls his eyes. Whatever.

“How many spells do you need to remove?” Alaric asks.

“There’s one around the house, to keep the warmth in,” Kai starts counting, “then there’s the ward on Andy’s door, and the one on mine. Can I go now?”

            They take in his impatient look and realize the longer they wait, the more chances for those heretics to suck out his spells and grow stronger. Damon winces and heads to the console to pour himself a drink – he really doesn’t like it when there is nothing _he_ can do. He shows the bottle to the others and they shake their heads, intently watching the witch getting ready.

            Alaric takes a step back, letting him some space to work, while Jared takes a step forward, examining the newly-assembled ascendant and the Gemini. He frowns when seeing his ringed hands shake and recoil over the artifact, and they share a glance. Was that vulnerability in his eyes? And shame?

“Everything okay here?” the Lightbringer asks in a low voice.

            The witch lowers his gaze and slightly nods, swallowing with difficulty.

“Just not looking forward to diving back in,” he lets out as easily as he can.

            He clears his throat and closes his eyes, taking a second for his magic to settle before he starts chanting. Jared definitely doesn’t know what to make of that; if anything, he is starting to feel grateful towards the witch for helping protect Andy; and if that guy is as powerful as he pretends to be, sunrises and shooting stars aside, then they might actually have a chance to bring her back. No doubt this time, with him conducting the magical operations, they’ll succeed.

            All three of them watch him during his trance, scrutinizing his face for any clue regarding what’s going on in 1903. After some time, Alaric eyes Damon’s drink and the vampire silently pours him one. He also pours another one for Jared, who finally accepts it. They sip in silence and wait.

 

**_Mystic Falls, Virginia – November, 1903_ **

 

            Kai opens his eyes and inhales, shivering with uneasiness. From the grim light that filters into the living room, he knows he is back. Winter Hell. The winds are howling against the old house and the same snow is continuously pouring from the sky. The silence, the loneliness; he swallows with difficulty and closes his eyes for a second. He clenches his fists when his hands start shaking again, and sweat collects on his forehead at the thought of being trapped once more, but he exhorts himself to calm. This is temporary; he gets the spells down, checks on Andy, and he’s out. Simple as that.

            He takes a deep breath and nods to himself. First things first, his rises a hand high above his head and focuses on the temperature wall he cast around the house when Andy suggested they should move to 1994. He can very easily summon the memory of that day; it’s all very clear to him.

_“It’s always gloomy and freezing over here, while it’s always warm and nice over there,” she points out._

_“Is the weather your only grievance about 1903?”_

_“Well, the facilities are definitely more modern in ‘94, since you ask,” she adds with a nod._

_“How about I isolate the house with a spell? Would you drop the moving-in project?”_

_“Can you?” she asks, candidly interested. He smirks at her and she smiles._

            Once he’s certain the first spell is undone, Kai doesn’t waste time and heads upstairs. Andy’s door his closed. He concentrates on moving through it, thanks to his absence of consistency in this world, and looks around; it’s empty. He steps back and rests his palm on the door, channeling back any magic he ever put in there, realizing now that every time he enforced the spell after she swore someone had tried to open her door, it only made it more appealing to the heretics.

The witch clenches his jaw, trying to push away the thought of them realizing they could draw from the spell and open the door, their threatening, desiccating figures entering the room at night, all six of them, while she was asleep and alone. Would he have sensed it? Would he have been able to rush over here and take them down before it was too late? He should have known. He should have had a better access to the archives, and not just to pieces of information. He never worried about having to face old, desiccating vampires if they were indeed in this prison, but heretics? He should have taken her to ’94 when she asked him, she’d be safe from them. If anything were to happen now that he’s gone… His entire body tenses and he shakes the thought, heading to his bedroom now.

He rests his hand on the door, then his forehead, knowing without having to look that she is in there. His heart has been racing in his chest since he got here but now it’s for different reasons. What is he supposed to say to her? How does he explain, how does he begin to apologize for being the one that was saved? He’s not the one who deserved a ride back. Bonnie’s voice invades his mind, echoing his own thoughts: _it was supposed to be her._

He exhales and finally works the last ward down, before stepping through the wooden door and the chair wedging it. Andy is there, sitting on his bed. She’s looking throughout the window, her stooped back to him, and all he wants to do is reach out. Can he?

Andy’s body stiffens and all of a sudden, she’s standing, facing him, and holding her dagger in a defensive position. For a second, only a second, her brown eyes pierce right through him and he feels like she can see him. He knows it doesn’t work like that but she can sense his presence when he uses the _Invisque_ spell; if anyone can perceive him here, it’s her.

However, her eyes keep searching in his general direction; she knows that something has changed in the room, and she thinks him a threat. Just like before.

“Andy,” he gently calls out. A whisper, barely audible, even for him. She shivers. Her eyes soften and she lowers her dagger for an instant, a brief one, before straightening back up, ready to fight whomever or whatever is messing with her. “Andy, it’s me,” he says, wishing she could see him.

“Kai?” she murmurs in utter confusion. “Where are you? Are you back?”

“Not exactly,” he smiles sadly. “I’m here through the 2013 version of the ascendant, just like when I sent Jeremy back to see Bonnie.” She nods and he takes a step towards her but freezes when she steps back with distrust. “It’s alright; it’s me.”

“I can’t see you,” she whispers, tears pooling in her eyes. She looks exhausted, and so sad. He can see it at her red, swollen eyes that she’s been crying. “I can’t even properly hear you, I–” She lowers her dagger and shakes her head; Kai taps more into his magic, as much as he can, in order to give his projection all the consistency possible. “Am I going crazy? Am I imagining all this? It’s just me now, I can’t even tell–”

“I’m here.”

            She looks lost and confused and it’s more than he can handle; he fills the distance between them and wraps his arms around her. She starts and freezes, and he doesn’t know exactly whether she can feel him completely but one thing is certain: he didn’t step through her and he’s holding her now; he can almost _feel_ her. He taps even more into his magic, trying to render his presence as real to her as he can. She finally wraps her arms around him as well, hesitantly. “I’m here, I promise.”

            He keeps whispering it, burying his face in her hair and holding her as tight as he can. Who is he trying to comfort right now, he couldn’t tell. Probably the both of them. “I’m so sorry, Andy,” he needs to tell her. “I tried to stall as long as I could–”

“I know.”

“I just touched it and it started pulling back, I couldn’t stop it. I’m so sorry.”

“Are you gonna bring me back soon?” she asks, about to cry again, and he knows that his leaving has taken one more toll on her nerves. He would be in the exact same state of mind if he’d been the one to stay here alone. Hopeless, desperate to come home.

Her strengths and confidence have been slowly melting since they got here, because she’s used to being the strongest person in the room; she doesn’t know how to handle the fact that there is nothing she can do to help herself, that her Light is of no use while she’s here. He holds her closer. “Cause being stuck here on my own is, like, the worst nightmare ever.” She tries to smile, but she’s about to break.

“Not tonight,” he hates to answer. “You’re gonna have to hold until the next celestial event.”

            She takes a shaky breath, not letting herself look as desperate as she is inside.

“When will that be?”

“Andy–”

“When,” she repeats with more authority and he can’t fight her.

“Twelve days.”

            She goes silent while the news sinks in. Twelve days. She’ll starve before that. They were supposed to go grocery shopping in two days, she can probably last over a week with what’s left, and she’ll have to be careful about her rations. And what about that presence she perceived in the cave? She’s powerless now, alone. So many things can happen in twelve days. All alone. She clings to his coat, on the edge of losing it, and he pulls back just enough to look her in the eyes; but she can’t see him.

“I don’t want to be alone,” she whispers, before chewing on her lip to keep the tears from falling. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”

“Listen to me, we’re _all_ working on getting you back, and we will; I promise. In the meantime, you need to hold on, okay? I need you to hold on. And you need to keep wedging the door, don’t go out at night; promise me.”

            She frowns at that.

“Why? Do you know what’s out there?” He swallows, debating whether telling her or avoiding her fears to grow. “Parker,” she insists, her voice is about to break. “What is here? _Who_ is here?”

“Lily Salvatore’s heretics,” he whispers.

“Okay,” she says, waiting for more information.

“They’re former Gemini siphoners, who were cast away. They were turned into vampires, meaning they can feed both on blood and magic.”

“They,” she repeats, chewing on her lip. “How many of them?”

“Six,” he whispers. Andy doesn’t say anything, but he’s pretty sure to know where her mind is going: it was hard enough to fight _one_ siphoner when she had to, what is she supposed to do with six of them? Siphoners with the abilities of vampires. And she’s all alone to face them. She could die in there, and no one would know.

She shivers and he rubs her arms, comforting her as well as he can. “Listen, I had to remove all the spells I cast on the house, to make sure they won’t absorb them. It’s gonna get cold and you’ll have to move the wardrobe around if you want to be safe at night. They shouldn’t bother you during the day, remember they’re weakened vampires.”

“I’m moving into another house,” she decides.

“I need you to remain as close as possible,” he objects. “Jared wants to come and see you tomorrow, make sure you’re alright; he’ll want to–”

“Jared is here?”

“He’s over there,” the witch nods. “It didn’t take him long to get everybody to work on getting you back. He’s the general you described.”

            He watches the shadow of a smile bloom on her lips and he grows desperate to kiss her. Is he still allowed to do that? Now that he’s gone back without her, that is.

“He’s here,” she whispers, nodding to herself. “He came.”

“Of course, he came. He’s been breathing down their necks for weeks; the others can’t wait to pull you back so they can get rid of him; though I must say there might be a bit of bromance emerging between him, Alaric and Damon.”

            She smiles for real this time and he finally can breathe. She’s gonna be okay, she is strong and she’s gonna make it out of here triumphantly. It’s only twelve days, she’s already done so many more. He rests his forehead on hers, breathing in as much of her scent as he can. He doesn’t care for the ache pulsing in his temples, he simply wants to remain here all night with her; he wants to stay here for twelve days.

Unfortunately, 2013 starts pulling him back, slowly, inexorably. The pain in his head increases and he clenches his jaw. Not now, he’s not ready to let her go– Just a couple more minutes. “I’m gonna have to go,” he whispers and she clings harder to his coat.

“Wait…” she trails off, closing her eyes. She doesn’t know what to say, except ‘don’t leave me alone’. Andy rests her forehead on his chest; can she feel him? The magical pull insists, and he forces his magic to cooperate; he’s the Gemini leader, the rules of this prison worlds shall bend to his will and he shall remain here longer; but the more he taps and the more rapidly his grip on Andy seems to dissolve. “Stay,” she requests in a low voice.

            One word, one simple word that breaks him.

“I’m right here.”

“You’re vanishing,” she says, her voice losing volume, as if the distance between them were growing, “Kai?”

            His vision becomes a blur and he tries to hold on to her as long as he can, but he can already make out Damon and Alaric’s voices in the living room. No, not yet, just– His eyes shoot open and he takes a deep breath, as if he’d been holding it for a long time. Before him, Jared’s concerned face is examining him and Kai reaches a hand to the blood pulling under his nose and on his chin.

“What happened?” the Lightbringer immediately asks.

“Told you,” Damon answers easily. “The spell became too demanding and he lost his connection.” He grabs a tissue on his way to the witch and also hands him a drink. The Gemini’s face is pale as a ghost; they certainly don’t need him to wear himself out to death, that would strongly diminish their chances of getting Andy back.

“What happened? Did you see her?” Jared presses him and Kai recoils.

            He nods, wiping the blood off his face before accepting the drink with a grateful nod.

“She’s fine,” he reassures her brother-in-law. “Not in the best of spirits but she’s safe for now. I took down all the spells, so they have no magic to draw from, and I told her to be careful about the heretics. She’ll be fine.”

            He brings the glass to his mouth but puts it down and nervously rubs the back of his neck. If only he’d stayed a little longer–

            The front door opens and Lily Salvatore comes in, closely followed by Stefan. The other four turn their faces to her and see her eyes draw directly to the ascendant, resting on Kai’s lap. She lifts a hopeful glance to Damon.

“Are you reconsidering freeing my friends?”

“We’re working on it,” he assures her with a smirk, before taking a sip. “Good night, mother.”

            One thing is certain, he is not looking at her with love in his eyes, but rather with anger and despise. Her gaze lingers on the ascendant, then on Kai’s face, and Stefan passes an arm around her shoulders, leading her towards the stairs. They silently wait for doors to close upstairs before sharing glances. “Little bit of advice, here, Gemini-freak,” Damon says, casting a glance toward the staircase and not seeing the witch close his eyes at his words, “ward your room against vampires tonight.”


	39. Chapter 39

Thirty-nine

 

            Kai looks throughout the window; the brand new leaves in the trees, growing greener and greener each day, the soft wind playing in them, the sun shyly shining after months of winter. He swallows, counting seconds, hours, days, and it’s like they’ve never passed by so slowly. He looks down at the ascendant he’s holding and closes his eyes. At once, the headache shoots back behind his eyes and he winces in pain. Not yet; he’s not strong enough just yet. He can’t believe his body and his magic would abandon him like that; he could cry in frustration.

            He covers his face with his hands, trying to think, but the way his short stubble prickles his palms inevitably leads his thoughts back to Andy. At first, it was only there for reassurance: whenever he’d glance in a mirror and see this five-o’clock shadow, it would remind him that he was no longer trapped, that he was back to aging and that he was back to being himself. But for some time now, he’s been keeping it only because she likes it like that. It’s crazy what her absence does to him. How can his heart beat so loudly, how can his chest hurt so much when she’s not there?

            He breathes out deeply and tries again; and of course, the same headache pierces through his temples, anchoring him to the present. He clenches his jaw and tucks the ascendant under his pillow. He checks one more time that Bonnie’s blood is still in that covered cup in the cooler and leaves the room. One graze of his mind to make sure that the ward is still in place and he heads downstairs.

            Damon and Jared look up from their chessboard and share a glance but he doesn’t acknowledge them and goes straight to the kitchen. He doesn’t want them to look at him, any of them. He helps himself a glass of cold water and takes small sips, before holding the glass to his brow, focusing on his breathing; did it use to be so heavy? He barely comes down these days, only for food between two spells, or when Damon and Jared are asking for information.

            That first morning, when he woke up in his room after another nightmare, he didn’t realize right away that he wasn’t in prison anymore. This news took time to sink in. He was used to waking up alone since Andy would be training when he’d rise, but this time was different. Something felt incredibly wrong and he couldn’t figure out what. He wasn’t gonna see her in the kitchen for breakfast, because he was over here and she was over there, trapped. Alone.

            His first concern went to her safety that morning, just like any morning after that, and he grabbed the ascendant from under his pillow and went straight to 1903. He waited for her in the kitchen, listening for any noise that could be someone else, and when she did show up after training, he knew she could sense his presence. He didn’t tap too much in his magic this time, just enough to be heard by her. He watched her prepare breakfast, already rationing her stocks of food, and listened to her talking. She’d never been the more prolix of them two, but it felt like she was taking advantage of not being alone to ramble about anything. Their way to forget about silence.

            Then, when the spell became too heavy for him, for he’d been here for quite some time, he barely had time to say goodbye before being pulled back. Again, his nose was bleeding and again, a headache was raging in his head. He didn’t take Jared to see her, that first morning. He tried, but he couldn’t properly chant, he was already out of breath. He justified his weakness with the spell from the night before and Jared angrily – though understandingly – nodded and accepted to wait a little longer.

            By the end of that same day, Kai was able to take him to see Andy for a few minutes, though the toll for them two was highly demanding; he couldn’t figure out how he’d even brought Jeremy while he was dying in the first place. They couldn’t interact with her, of course, which frustrated them both, though Kai made a point not to show it.

            He hears footsteps behind him but keeps his eyes shut, enjoying the cold glass against his forehead, waiting for his heartbeat to understand he’s not making any physical effort here. Jared folds his arms over his chest and leans against the doorframe, assessing.

“You alright there?” The witch nods and briefly looks up to the ceiling.

“Is it safe to talk?” His voice is a bit more raw than he expected.

“Yeah,” Jared nods. “Lily went out for today. According to Damon, she’s been asking a lot about you. She must have put the two plus two together; but he told her that if she tried to get anywhere near you, talk to you, or even look at you, she could kiss her friends goodbye.”

“He knows I’m not letting them out, right?”

            Jared arches a brow and Kai turns around to face him. The Lightbringer instantly notices how pale he is, and how he leans back against the sink, his hand gripping the edge for balance. Such a powerful witch though… what is wrong with him?

“I don’t know what sort of games he’s playing with his mom but these heretics were put in there for a reason. We can’t afford to let them out if we don’t know for sure what they’re after; they’re nearly unstoppable.”

“Why does that remind me of someone?”

            Jared meant this to be light, since people around here are light and they joke like that – at least, Damon and Enzo do – and it’s been kinda hard to remain serious twenty-four-seven and not jump in sometimes, but seeing how the witch’s face falls, he understands he didn’t say the right thing. Kai’s eyes lower to the ground but Jared gets to see that glimpse of shame and pain in his eyes. It’s so at odds with what he expected from him.

“Look,” the Gemini says, still looking away, “you won’t be having any problems with me. I’ve made my mistakes, served my time in jail and learned my lesson. As long as you don’t try to screw me over, I’ll be a doll.”

“I can’t figure you out, you know,” Jared says after a while. “On one hand I have all these reports of you being the most dangerous, uncaring, crazy sociopath, and on the other I have what I’ve seen for myself so far and you’re, like, the nicest guy.”

“The perks of stealing your brother’s empathy,” Kai bitterly whispers, looking away. “You go from detached loner to not being able to hurt a fly.”

“Oh, I think you’re more than able to hurt a fly. I just don’t think you’re into it anymore.”

            Kai looks up at him and they hold gaze for a moment, Jared assessing him, trying to pierce right through his secrets and regrets under his crafted layers of sarcasm and humor. Silence stretches and Kai easily grabs an apple from the dish, clearing his throat.

“Andy’s been wondering whether or not you already told Alice all of her secrets.”

            Jared slightly frowns at that, tilting his head. “I’m not trying to intrude on clan business, here,” the witch assures, holding his hands up in defense, “I just said I’d ask and let her know.”

“Really. And when was that exactly?”

            Kai opens his mouth but doesn’t speak, wondering if he committed a faux-pas here; isn’t it frustrating that his brain has been working so slowly recently? It’s like he doesn’t even have the strengths to think properly.

“I forget,” he simply says.

“You went back there, didn’t you?”

“Uh, duh, hence the creepy blanch face. I don’t usually wake up like this, you know. I pay serious attention to my beauty sleep.”

“We thought you were working on the ascendant.”

“It’s been fixed for a couple days–”

“ _What_?” Jared spits, taking a step forward.

“I’m kinda of a puzzle-guy,” Kai shrugs.

“What have you been doing over there?” the other one demands.

“Relax, I’ve been going in peace.” Jared squints at that and Kai rolls his eyes. “Do I need to remind you that she’s trapped _alone_ with six vampire-witch hybrids? She’s not supposed to be there and the last few days have been harder than the past two months. Just making sure she’s safe and holding it together.”

            Jared clenches his jaw but says nothing; he hates that he can’t be the one to interact with Andy; he hates that he can’t do anything but sit there and wait, playing cards with a vampire because his newest target won’t even come out of his room. He assesses Kai differently for a minute, realizing that his health and magic have been degrading in the past few days _because_ of the spells. He must have been constantly reaching out. “So? Have you?”

            Jared averts his face and exhales. This is Andy asking.

“Not yet. She’s currently monitoring another team in New-Orleans; I told her Andy is alive and she knows I’ll get her out. I’ve been saving the juicy details for when I get to see Andy. I want to hear what she has to say before I tell our leader what’s been going on here.”

            His face is stern, and Kai nods, understanding that Jared wants to be certain before branding Andy a traitor to the clan.

“I’m willing to make an alliance.”

“I think we’re gonna slow down on illicit alliances for a while,” Jared cautiously answers.

“Look, I know things are a mess right now,” Kai admits, “but the first alliance did work perfectly. Andy was just building the same thing with my brother because she knew he was to win the merge with Olivia, and it would have worked out just as perfectly.”

“What are you saying?”

“Lucas wasn’t supposed to die, I know that. So if my making an alliance with the Lightbringers makes you guys go soft on her when the time comes, consider ourselves allies.”

            Jared watches him, chewing on his words. He certainly doesn’t know what to make of that and he’s not going to give the witch a hasty answer. Again, something to be discussed when they get Andy back.

“I’ll think about it.”

            The witch nods and then winces in pain, pinching the bridge of his nose. It lasts for several seconds and Jared simply doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t have it in him to tell the witch to stop reaching out to Andy; his concern for her is stronger than his concern for the witch’s health – and it looks like he’s not the only one. So he remains here, powerless but present. What can he do, except show support? He’d be a valuable ally in a fight, but in this situation… even the enemy is more helpful than he is.

Then the headache seems to pass and the Lightbringer examines Kai cautiously before glancing up at the clock. “Can I leave you here with Damon? I have somewhere to be.”

“Sure. Just don’t get jealous if I steal away your new drinking buddy; I know he’s warming up to me.” Jared lifts a skeptical brow.

“Either that or he’s still feeling the urge to eat you alive, despite knowing better.”

The witch snorts. “This is Damon Salvatore, we’re talking about. Knowing better doesn’t stop him from doing the dumbest things sometimes.”

            Jared tilts his head in agreement, while a certain vampire makes his voice heard from the living-room, “Damon Salvatore can hear you, you idiots.” The two men in the kitchen almost share a smile and Jared makes for the door.

“I must say, I’d be curious to know what is so important for you to leave your major target here unwatched.”

            Once more, Jared twitches at the clan vocabulary the witch uses, knowing that this anger he’s feeling in the background is directed towards Andy for spilling secrets to this… this… witch. Although he doesn’t want the Gemini to know anything more than what he already knows, he also realizes that he must tread carefully if he doesn’t want to accidentally close the door on a possible alliance. Not that he’s excited about that, but it could be the only way to make sure the secret of their existence remains untold. A bit of honesty can’t really hurt here.

“Well, if you must know… I’m meeting with Liv.”

            He sees Kai’s face change at that, going from casually interested to more serious, almost concerned. Funny, considering how Liv speaks of him.

“Wait, _Rick_ has agreed to keep an eye on her and let me know if anything came up with her, or with Jo.”

“I know that,” Jared peacefully says, taking in the genuine worry the witch is trying to cover with hardness.

“Well? Has something come up?”

“No, nothing. I’ve just been assessing her and Jo for a while and, I don’t know,” he shrugs, “she talks to me.”

“About what?” Kai grits, aware that if she’s been spilling coven secrets, he’s gonna have to make certain things clear.

“About her brother Luke, mostly. And Andy.” Another shrug. “I think she’s been very lonely in her grief.”

“Well she can go to a shrink, or talk to Jo; she doesn’t need to be talking to you.”

“Maybe she needs a brother figure, and it’s not like you’re available.”

            He sees Kai clench his jaw and can’t help but feel some satisfaction here. He gives the witch a half-smile and adds, “Think of it as just one more thing that is definitely unfair in this beautiful mess: you get to talk to my sister and I get to talk to yours.”

 

*********

 

            “ARRRH!” the witch screams, out of rage and frustration. He grabs his empty glass and uses all of his strength to throw it against the wall. Damon and Stefan enter the living room immediately, taking in the scene: Kai is now standing over the table, resting on his stretched arms, his head bent, as he tries to catch his breath; pieces of glass and a couple books are scattered all over the floor. They turn an inquiring look to Jared, who has been standing aside all along, monitoring the witch’s spells – or rather, his attempted spells – and is now ready to step in. He holds up his arm to them, signaling that they should stay back for now. He then takes a step toward the witch, cautiously.

“Maybe we should stop here for today?” he suggests.

            Kai cocks his head and slams his fist on the table. Once, twice, several times. He straightens back up and turns around; he looks so pale and sick, his face is covered in sweat and they can see tears of exhaustion at the corner of his eyes. The witch is completely worn out.

“We are _not_ leaving her alone.”

            He could sound terrifying with all that rage and determination – if he didn’t look so weak and fragile. Damon swallows with difficulty, recognizing in Kai’s unrest and insanity his own fear of being trapped alone again, and his own obsession for freeing Bonnie from 1994 when he got back. The vampire feels dizzy for a second, with all that guilt unexpectedly rushing back. He got to be the saved one too.

“All I’m saying is: you’ve been on this all afternoon,” Jared continues. “She was fine when you saw her this morning; maybe you should rest before diving back in.”

“The sun is gonna set in a couple of hours in 1903,” the Gemini snaps. “Do you think the heretics will take a nap?”

“We need you _alive_ if we want to bring her back,” Jared argues, once more.

“We also need _Andy_ alive,” Kai retorts sharply, “I’m strong enough to do this.”

“Clearly,” Jared mocks.

            Kai squints at him and they stare with utter animosity for a moment, until Stefan steps in and suggests, “Hey, Jared, why don’t you and I go for a walk? Get some fresh air?”

            The other two hold gaze a little longer before Stefan calls Jared’s name again, and the latter accepts to follow him, leaving Kai alone with Damon. As they hear the front door close, Kai shakes his head and rubs his eyes, almost like a tired child would. Damon makes for the console and pours himself a drink, offering one to the witch, who shakes his head to decline. He then comes back and silently sips his glass while watching Kai.

“I actually miss Andy.”

            The witch’s eyes shoot to him, waiting with defiance where he’s going with that. Damon looks inside his glass for some time, rolling the amber liquid in one direction, then in another.

“She’s this cute kid; she’s got, what, two decades of existence behind her? She’s barely an adult and she makes mistakes; I mean, she’s gonna make so many more throughout her life…”

He has this nostalgic smirk before taking a sip, “I like that I don’t have to worry about her every other day. She’s so damn strong and powerful… she’s actually one of the only ones here who can watch out for herself, you know, she’s not constantly asking for help. And yet, whenever someone _needs_ help, she’ll step out of her line and protect whomever she can. She’s loyal to her friends, I like that about her.”

He nods to himself before adding, “Yeah, I do miss her; and I don’t know whether it’s because of Mister First Lieutenant pressuring us but, she feels like this baby sister you absolutely want to protect, you know, like no one is allowed to touch a hair on her head.”

            He looks back up at the witch after his monologue and watches his clenched fists and his set jaw. He takes another sip, evaluating him. “You really do feel bad about her being over there, don’t you?”

            Kai opens his arms, presenting his current state and appearance as a proof of his dedication. Words would be useless at this point, and why would he bother anyway? Damon is only here to loathe him. “You know, I was really on edge when I got back here and Bonnie was stuck in ‘94.”

            The witch closes his eyes, powerless before the wave of guilt these very words provoke. Bonnie. Will her name ever be associated with anything else than remorse? “Nothing like you of course, ‘cause _Elena_ was over here. But I guess what I’m saying is that if I’d had the power to go and see her, make sure she was okay, I would have spent hours over there, making myself nearly as sick as you are.”

            Kai opens his eyes and risks looking at him; he is staring right back but he won’t let any emotion show, not even the usual despise. The witch shakes his head again, in defeat.

“She shouldn’t be there,” he whispers. “It should be me.”

“I know,” the vampire assures him.

            And for a moment here, they relive the same memory; that day of 1994 when uncaring, emotionless-Kai shot this arrow into Bonnie’s stomach and they both watched Damon be powerlessly pulled back to the present; her last attempt to save her friend.

            The vampire walks up to the table and takes the ascendant for close examination. He can sense Kai tense the moment he sets his hand on it but he still takes his time; and when he’s done, he hands it back to the witch, holding on to it until he looks up and meets his eyes.

“Bonnie once told me that… me feeling remorse meant there was hope. Go get some sleep, you’ll see her tomorrow.”

 

*******

 

“Just give him some Advil, it’ll make the headache go away.”

“Yes,” Damon winces with anger, shoving the pharmacy drawer closed, “we’ve been doing that for the past _week_ , and he’s still a mess.”

“What do you want me to tell you,” Jo’s weary voice says over the phone.

“I want you to come down here and give him a proper consult, preferably _before_ he drops dead on the floor.”

“Hey, is that Jo?” Damon’s head whips around and he takes in the witch who is currently leaning against the bathroom doorframe, like he can’t stand on his own. His skin is so pale and thin now, that he really looks about to die of some sort of sickness. Two days; he only needs to hold for two more days.

“What are you doing here?” the vampire snaps. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

“Tell her I said hi,” he requests weakly.

“Kai says hi,” Damon articulates over the phone, before sternly nodding the witch away.

“Like I care,” Jo answers. In the background, on her side of the line, he can make out the typical noises of the hospital, the hasty steps and the medical talks, the phone ringing, Jo clicking a pen and filling out a patient’s file.

“Look, can’t you just figure something out for him?” he asks, once he’s sure Kai has gone back to his room. “It seems to me like it’s not physical but magical.”

“Oh, yeah, sure” she mocks. “Let me grab my magic and cook a spell for him– Oh wait, where is my magic again?”

“I get it, you don’t want to see your murderous brother, trust me, I get it. But if he dies on us, you, your baby, your sister and your entire family die within the second; and I’ll be left to deal with an angry Lightbringer who can’t have his second favorite girl back, do you see my problem here?”

            Jo exhales, angry with Damon for guilting her into this, but he’s right. She rests a hand over her still-flat stomach, already knowing she’s going to accept. Besides, they need Kai in order to bring Andy back; she’s already growing tired of Jared checking up on her every now and then. She much prefers Andy’s discreet observations to his stern hovering. She glances at her watch and nods.

“It won’t be for today, I’m working late tonight; I’ll come by tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Damon settles gladly, “great.”

            She hangs up on him.

.

* * *

Hi! What did you think of this one? I kinda like the dynamics between the guys ^_^ 

 

Also, you get an extra chapter this weekend because today is the 14th of July :) Now time for me to go attend the national celebration, see you soon for the next chapter! :)


	40. Chapter 40

Forty

 

            Damon opens the front door, letting Jo and Alaric step in hastily.

“I’m here,” she says rather unhappily. “Where is he?”

“Upstairs, in his room.” As they get to the living room, they spot Elena, concern written all over her face, and Jared, pacing. Jo hands her coat to her fiancé and asks to no one in particular why it couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

“We heard this noise,” Damon explains with an uneasy smirk, “the one of a body dropping dead, and it came from his room.”

“Well, didn’t you guys go check on him?”

“We can’t,” Elena objects, “his room is warded; none of us was able to open the door.”

“And you think magicless-me can do that?” the doctor retorts.

“Just– make sure he’s alive enough to perform the spell,” Jared snaps. Alaric shoots him a look and wraps a protective arm around his fiancée’s waist; the warning, though unconscious, is clear.

“Okay, then; I’ll head upstairs.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No,” she tells Rick, “it’s best if you stay here with Damon. I’ll go with Elena; it’s time for her to show-off her medical skills.”

“At least take Jared with you,” he pleads, “just in case.”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

            By the time she reaches her brother’s door, Jo wonders whether Lily Salvatore is at home; she probably should have asked Damon. She turns the handle and senses a brief breath of magic brush through her; _her_ magic, but not quite. She inhales and opens the door, carefully peeking inside. The room is lit by candles, set in circle on the floor around the ascendant, and right next to it– “Kai?”

            She enters the room and makes for the body. He’s lying on his back, paler than she’s ever seen him, and blood has been pouring out of his nose for some time, first on his chin when he was sitting, and then on his cheeks when he must have collapsed; it’s already drying on his skin. She bends over him, a hand over his heart.

“It’s beating,” Elena declares from behind her, listening intently.

“Yeah, I can feel it. But it’s not very strong.” She then places her cheek over his mouth and winces for a second, until she can feel his breath brush her skin; it’s barely existent. “Close the door,” she tells Jared, and the Lightbringer complies, taking in the scene.

“Is he…?” Elena asks before meeting Jo’s eyes. _Is he going to die?_

“I don’t know.” And it bothers her that this prospect stirs something buried deep inside.

“His Light is…”

“What?” Jo presses when Jared trails off.

“It’s strong, it’s always been strong… but it’s dying.”

            The former witch doesn’t even know how she feels about this; a lot of mixed feelings are battling inside her but now is not the time for that. She takes a deep breath and steps into her doctor’s shoes, leaving anything irrelevant, like feelings, at the door of her mind. She takes his hands and squeezes, calling his name.

“How can it be dying?” Elena asks Jared.

“He’s been using too much magic at once, burning himself out.”

“Kai? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hands if you can.”

            Nothing, no response. Jo frowns and all of a sudden, Kai’s body moves, tensing. A gasp for air. Difficult, weak, but then another one, then a cough.

“No,” he lets out, clenching his fists, his face distorting with pain.

“Kai? Can you hear me?”

“Please,” he starts crying, begging, “please, don’t hurt them; don’t do it.”

            He cries some more and Jo can’t help the lump forming in her throat. Seeing him like this, desperate and defenseless, reminds her of a time when they were children, and how he used to cry when he was having a nightmare; a time when she loved him and there was nothing wrong with that.

“Kai,” she calls more firmly, “you need to wake up.”

            His eyes open, exhausted and lost; he coughs again and rolls over to his side, clenching his stomach and gasping for air.

“Run,” he whispers, out of breath. Blood drops on the floor but they can’t tell whether it’s from his nose or his mouth.

“Kai?” Jo calls more cautiously.

“I’ll kill you all,” he sobs, “you have to go; _please_.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Elena asks, but Jo’s eyes are glued to her brother. She is starting to understand what this nightmare might be about, and she is paralyzed; both by the memory and by his despair. His body contorts with pain and he shuts his eyes, tears welling out. His weak cries and sobs fill the room and Elena covers her mouth with her hand, her eyes starting to sting at the sight of him suffering like that. He’s not even her friend, but seeing a grown man cry like this, desperately, is unbearable to her.

“My feelings are gone,” he cries and weakly shakes his head, “I can’t stop it; I can’t. _Please_.” He coughs out blood this time and Jo is still frozen, she can’t move, nor act, she can’t think. He tries to lock eyes with her but his vison is blurred. “Take the twins,” he begs in a breath, before coughing again, “take them far; don’t let me hurt them.”

“Oh my God,” Elena whispers, realizing as well what he’s been dreaming about.

            The sound of her voice snaps Jo back to reality. She draws a shaky breath and places a hand over Kai’s cheek. It’s cold.

“Kai, listen to me, look at me.” He complies, but she can tell he’s not with her yet, he needs to wake up. “You’re fine, it’s over now.”

“No,” he breathes out, trembling, “no, you have to go.” He tries to push her away, but he’s too weak to make a real attempt.

“Look at me,” she insists, “I’m older now, I’m alive. I made it and so did the twins.”

“They’re all gone… Don’t let me.”

He coughs, hugging his chest. His eyes try to focus on the ceiling but they won’t. The pain piercing through his head won’t stop, and the burning in his chest won’t stop either. He’s going back and forth between then and now, between that night that has become so dreadful to him and this dream of Jo. Maybe he’s finally reached out to her within the past, maybe he can warn her, and all this can never happen. He only needs to tell her, so she can react and protect them; protect them all. “Don’t let me hurt them,” he repeats, tears streaking his face.

His body is nothing but soreness, his mind is nothing but a battlefield at the break of defeat. He can feel it in his bones, in his blood, the magic consuming itself like fire feeding on gunpowder. He’s been too weak.

“They grew up and I grew old. It’s over now, I promise.”

            Kai closes his eyes and shakes his head, incapable of stopping the cries. She doesn’t understand, he’s going to hurt them. He’s going to ruin everything. Jo places a hand on his forehead and gently strokes, just like her mother used to do when she was sick. “Look at me,” she whispers, tears pooling in her eyes, “it’s over, look at me.”

            He finally complies and centers on her, her face, full of pain but beautifully embellished with years of living. She made it, she’s alive. His cries slowly turn into uncontrollable sobs and she nods to him, giving him an encouraging smile, and for a moment, she looks just like their mother, and his mind empties. She’s here, caring for him. This was just a bad dream, they’re fine. She never stopped loving him, they’re all gonna be fine.

“Mom,” he calls to her and she cocks her head, sadness overtaking her beautiful face.

“It’s Jo.”

“Jo,” he repeats.

“Yes.”

            And then, he comes back to his senses. She can see the sadness and the guilt in his eyes before he closes them again, trying to hold back more tears. His sobs slowly calm down and he lies there. Before long, his breathing finds a more regular rhythm and the lines of his face progressively soften.  

An entire minute goes by before anyone speaks. They keep watching him sleep, unsure of what just happened. Jared’s eyes are full of shock; he brushes a hand over his mouth, processing, while Elena purses her lips in order not to cry – the thought of crying over Kai is ridiculous anyway, right? –, and Jo watches over him, still caressing his forehead with care, lost in a past where it was okay.

“Should we let him sleep?” the Lightbringer asks. Jo nods but won’t look at him, sniffing, and trying to blink her tears back.

“Jared, hand me his pillow, will you?”

            He complies and she delicately settles it under Kai’s head, stroking his hair. He looks so peaceful now, like a little boy. Reality slowly claims her back, and all this fear, pain and suffering she went through because of him come back to her. She clenches her jaw, hating that she allowed herself to remember how she used to feel about him. He is the monster who destroyed her family, he doesn’t deserve a drop of pity or care from her. She wipes a rebellious tear off her cheek and pockets the ascendant; she then blows the candles out and motions for them all to leave the room.

 

*****

 

“Here.”

            Damon sets a steaming mug of tea before Jo and she gives him a weak smile. When she came downstairs, obviously shaken, the vampire let his human friend take care of her and went to make coffee for everybody – Jared is actually starting to think that offering people beverages is his way of showing he cares and offering support. There wasn’t any decaf in the kitchen, and since he couldn’t offer her alcohol, he managed to find a forgotten bag of tea.

            They are now sipping their mugs in the dining room, silent, pondering. Jared, Elena and Damon are standing, while Jo and Rick are sitting at the table; he’s keeping a comforting hand on her wrist, lovingly caressing her arm whenever she starts shaking again.

“Has this kind of nightmare happened before?” Damon finally asks.

“You tell me; I haven’t been living with him for a long time.” Not since that night. She shakes her head and buries her face in her hands. “He looked so different… his eyes were… this was my brother, the brother I grew up with. I hadn’t seen him like that in years.”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been hanging out with him for eighteen years,” Damon underlines.  

“And you say he was asking for it to stop?” Alaric frowns, confused.

“Begging,” Elena corrects him, “he was _begging_ for it to stop. It’s like he had no control.”

            She shivers at the thought of it, because it weirdly reminds her of how powerless she feels every time she looks back on her actions when she turned off her humanity, and Damon pulls her closer.

“Did he?” Jared asks, earning a smirk from the vampire, who didn’t dare ask the question, knowing it would get him an angry look from Alaric. The others look up at him, confused. “Have control, I mean,” he clarifies. “Like… do we know exactly what happened that night?”

“No,” Jo immediately stops him, glaring. “We’re not doing this. Kai is deranged; he couldn’t stomach that my parents wanted Lucas and Olivia to merge for leadership instead of us, so he killed everybody he could get his hands on, like the crazy person he is.”

“All I’m saying is–”

“You didn’t see him that night,” she cuts him off. “You didn’t hide under a bed, bleeding out and trying to cloak your terrified siblings so he wouldn’t beat them to death. You have no idea what we went through and you don’t get to doubt this actual nightmare because of a bad dream.”

            She holds Jared’s stare fiercely, until he nods, signaling he’s backing off. “It was a nightmare,” Jo asserts and they all look at her. Her eyes are riveted to her mug and she nods to herself, as if she were trying to convince herself. “It was nothing more than a nightmare.”

“Well, well,” Damon whispers, “it appears, our favorite serial killer might actually regret his career choices.”

“But Jo’s right,” Alaric says, “it doesn’t change anything to what he did.” Elena is about to add something but she stops and both vampires jerk their heads up, listening.

“What?”

“He’s awake.”

“Maybe we should go check on him?” Elena suggests.

“I’ll go,” Jo decides.

“I’ll come with you.”

“No. He’s my brother. I’ll go alone.”

 

*****

 

            She silently opens the door and watches him sitting against the wall, rubbing his eyes. Kai looks up at her as she slowly enters the room, cautious not to spill any water from her basin and closing the door behind her. She can see in his settled gaze that he is sort of back to normal; she is facing the man.

“How did you get in?” he asks with a slight frown, glancing at the door. “I warded the room with–”

“You warded it with magic,” she softly cuts in. “Remember part of this magic used to mine; it probably recognizes me as you.”

            He simply nods, not even interested in discussing the how and why. He used to be so much more curious about how things work, his brain must be fried. She can see his weary gaze trail over to the candles, as he tries to piece everything together; he suddenly freezes, swallowing hard.

“No,” he whispers in horror, touching his pockets, already panting.

“It’s here,” Jo says, fishing the ascendant out of her pocket.

            Kai’s eyes settle on it and he lets out a sigh of relief. He really thought he’d lost it. When he holds a hand out to her, palm up, she steps forward and gives him the ascendant. He clutches it against his chest and closes his eyes; it’s here, he can breathe.  

Jo kneels down before him and silently damps the cloth in the warm water. When she squishes it, the other witch opens his eyes and monitors her cautious moves. She begins wiping the blood off his face, gently, and the silence seems to go on forever. He prefers focusing on her hands than on her face, because you can’t tell from watching her hands that she doesn’t care about him. His twin. His closest sister. The one he stabbed in the stomach without blinking. The one whose screams faded while her eyes were still begging him to stop. _‘Why are you doing this?’_ What didn’t you stop me?

She must want him dead with all of her strengths; it must be torture to her, to be sitting next to him and making sure he stays alive. He takes a deep breath, welcoming this precious moment of peace as well as the pain of being hated by her. Now that he’s out, he won’t be having one without the other. It’s always going to be like that, isn’t it? The relief of being out of prison, back in his own mind, and the obligation to accept every ounce of pain that goes with being around them. That’s a rather fair punishment, especially with Luke’s empathy to amplify his emotions; Hell will come from within. At least, it won’t go on forever: he’ll grow old and die, someday. And maybe the nightmare will finally end.

The light catches on her ring, reminding him of all that Jo will get out of life and that he won’t. After all he’s put her through, she deserves to be happy. He manages the weakest smile.

“I heard you were getting married; congrats. I’m sure my invite got lost in the mail.”

“Coven is invited,” she simply says. “Dad will be there.”

“Good for you,” he mutters. If he hadn’t ruined everything, if he’d given himself a chance at this kind of life, would their parents have come to his wedding?

“We’re postponing anyway,” she shrugs. “Can’t really have a proper wedding in the middle of all this.” He watches her rinse the cloth; the water turns red, and his sister goes back to her task.

“I heard you made a friend in prison,” she says after a moment of silence. “Good for you. Rick and Damon said you were very intent on getting Andy out.”

            He won’t let out a word. Doesn’t care much to discuss his charity case? Shocker.

“You spent the whole night in 1903, didn’t you?” He stares at her, before nodding, once. “Have you been doing that every night?” Kai looks away, his jaw clenching, and he clutches the ascendant harder. “You know you need to keep your strengths to perform the spell, right? It’s in less than two days now.”

            Again, no answer. Jo senses a cold anger creeping up inside her. Why would he get to tell her all sorts of things she didn’t want to hear earlier, and not a word now? “She’s not over there because of you, you know. Alaric told me what happened when they pulled you back; I know Bonnie was trying to reach only for her but… it wasn’t your fault.” She doesn’t even try to sound gentle. All she has for him is coldness and sternness.

“She was right there– she was–” He purses his lips, trying to hold tears back. “She’s so lonely and scared,” he finally whispers to himself. “I owe it to her.”

“She’ll be home soon; we’ll all be there to welcome her–”

“It’s not–” he closes his eyes and shakes his head, inhaling deeply. “It’s not just 1903. I took Lucas from her, Jo.”

“You didn’t only take him from her.” 

“I know,” he whispers, yet incapable of discussing how he wronged _her_ and the rest of their family. “It’s just– I spent the last two months over there with her and… he was her person.”

“Her person?” she repeats.

“Yeah, like– Cristina was Meredith’s person.”

“What are you talking about?”

            His lips twitch in a tired smile. “You’re a doctor; don’t you watch Grey’s Anatomy?”

“I’m a doctor,” she confirms, “which is why I _don’t_ watch Grey’s Anatomy.”

“Well, Meredith and Cristina are, like, this close. They’re best friends, like sisters; soul mates, even. Always there to help each other out or save each other’s life; they trust each other, they can tell each other everything. Oh my God,” he realizes, “I killed Cristina Yang.”

“Hey, you didn’t kill Cristina Yang, and you didn’t kill Luke. You merged with him, meaning there’s still some of him left in you.”

“Is it enough, though?”

            She doesn’t answer and he gives her a delusional smile. Given the opportunity, they would all choose Luke over him, a hundred times over. He knows he would. Even Andy would choose Luke, and that hurts. “God, I miss her.”

            Jo looks up, starting to wonder whether there is more to this than guilt and unexpected friendship. “She was my favorite, you know,” he continues, “she knew her business, always had the coolest surgeries...”

“Wait… are we still talking about Cristina Yang?” She thought he’d shifted back to Andy.

“Aren’t you following?”

            He gives her this easy smile but his eyes scream with despair; and suddenly, she can see the broken man behind the mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! How did you like this one?  
> Boy, the scenes between Jo and Kai always have nearly-crying effect on me. Also, can you believe we actually made it to chapter 40 already? It's crazy!  
> Anyway, let me know what you think and I'll be seeing you soon with another chapter! :)


	41. Chapter 41

Forty-one

 

“No. It’s out of the question.”

            Alaric is standing in the Salvatore’s living room, arms folded across his chest. He is trying to look as determined as he can but on the sofa before him, Jo is looking at him with even much more authority and he knows it is her choice and he can’t really refuse her; and that scares him to death.

“I’ll be fine,” Jo simply argues. “I’ll be a mere projection; heretics won’t be able to reach for me or even see me. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not such a fan of the idea either.”

            Their heads turn to Jared; Jo gives him a mind-your-own-business look while Alaric is ready to use any help he can get. “I should be the one going,” the Lightbringer adds.

“I agree with him,” Alaric nods.

“You’ve been to see her before,” Jo points out, “and to what good? You couldn’t talk to her. I’m a doctor, I’ll be able to see how she actually is.”

“She’s my family.”

“She’s our friend.”

            From his corner of the room, Kai rolls his eyes, his back to them. They’ve been debating who should go with him this morning to confirm the time and place for Andy’s rescue spell. He did try to interrupt and say that he wasn’t even sure he could talk to her if he were to bring anyone else over but they didn’t really listen, bickering amongst themselves. The witch pours himself a drink, letting their voices fade in the background of his mind. It’s weird how they manage to constantly argue while remaining close and united as a group whenever a third party comes in; it never sounded like that when he used to argue with his parents.

            Damon comes back and heads towards him, his eyes on the scotch, and Kai pours him a drink as well.

“What are we all fighting about now?” he discreetly asks the witch.

“We’re debating who should come with me to 1903 today and make sure I deliver the correct time and location to Andy.”

“We’re still on that?”

“Hm-mm,” the witch confirms, sipping.

“Do they know you can’t really talk to her when you bring someone over?”

“Hm-mm.”

“Great.”

            They watch the endless debate for a couple more minutes, until Damon comes forward, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You guys, it’s been very entertaining so far but can we get to the point where we all realize Kai can’t bring someone over _and_ interact with Andy?”

            Silence meets his words and it looks like they finally hear it. The other three share skeptical glances and Damon sighs. “Look, I can’t believe I’m about to say this but: can’t we _trust_ that he’ll actually tell Andy how to come back?”

            Kai freezes and focuses on his drink; his heart is racing in his chest and his face heats. Did Damon just suggest they could trust him? Like… is he actually willing to?

“No,” Alaric says, “not really.”

“Look,” Jared agrees, “I get that he’s been onboard with the entire rescue mission but this is our one shot. We can’t just miss it.”

            The witch silently empties his drink. What was he thinking? Of course, they wouldn’t trust him; why would they?

“I’m going,” Jo says. “And before any of you tries to prevent me, remember I was able to enter Kai’s room last night. Our magic connects us and if it truly sees us as one, then he shouldn’t have any problems talking to Andy while I’m there.”

            Inquiring looks turn to Kai, who chews on her words for a moment, before slowly nodding.

“Actually, that might work.”

            Alaric doesn’t look so happy with that; the Gemini leader steps forward and faces him.

“It won’t be long. If we can’t talk to her, I’ll bring Jo right back and project on my own. It’ll only take a couple minutes and I won’t let anything happen to her.”

            They hold gaze for a moment and the human slightly nods; what other choice does he have? Jo has made up her mind.

Kai turns around, grinning at his twin sister, and casually stretches a hand out for her. She exhales and takes it, standing up as well, and he tries not to start, looking down at her belly in surprise. Now that he has his own magic – well, Luke’s and Jo’s, to be exact – he is able to control his siphoning abilities even more easily; he can actually touch her and not crave for her baby’s magic. Does she realize that he’s _not_ drawing from the future Gemini growing inside her? This very thought gives him a jolt of strength and hope for some reason. Maybe he’s not bound to hurt his family all the time.

            He fishes the ascendant out of his pocket and places it in their joined hands. They close their eyes and he begins chanting an all too familiar spell now. When they open their eyes again, Jo looks around with a slight frown. Everything is the same, and yet, everything is different. Alaric, Damon and Jared are gone, the bright morning light that was pouring in the room is now paler, colder, and certain objects around are different as well, older. They are in 1903.

            Jo immediately lets go of Kai’s hand and he doesn’t waste time, heading to the first floor. He knows Andy hasn’t left his room for two days. She’s been feeling too down, she’s seriously lacking food, and the threatening noises in the corridor at night, the handle constantly turning, as if someone were trying to get in but weren’t strong enough to move the wardrobe from before the door, all this has become less and less bearable for her. She barely sleeps at night anymore, because she’s constantly on the look-out for the slightest noise that could betray the enemy’s presence; she only gets a couple hours of sleep during the day because they won’t come out for her then. Kai has been wondering whether they didn’t suck the magic out of their daylight rings a long time ago, when the depravation of both blood and magic must have driven them insane. But even during the day, she’s not serene, and the few hours she gets here and there are no real rest for her.

He waits for Jo to catch up with him before his door and takes her hand in order to go through. She follows and for a second, they don’t know what to think: the room is empty. It’s only when they hear water pouring near them that they understand Andy is in the adjacent bathroom. The door is indeed closed, and while Kai leans against the bathroom wall, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of water in her bath, Jo carefully sits on the edge of his bed, and they wait.

Kai can’t help but imagine her, the clear skin of her body, the way it felt against his and under his hands that day at the swimming pool, the way her mouth was dancing with his. His chest tightens and he swallows hard, trying to push away these thoughts, of her kissing him the way she did, like he wasn’t a monster she was ashamed to fall for, like she wanted him, accepted him, like he was enough. He’s come to see her nearly every day since he was pulled back, and yet he misses her with an intensity he hadn’t imagined.

When they hear her come out of the early-twentieth-century bathtub, they both straighten up. The door finally opens and here she is, paler and slightly thinner than usual. She steps out of the bathroom, a long towel wrapped around her body, and she walks past him, making for the clothes she prepared on the bed, but as she bends down, reaching a hand for the fabric, she stops and slowly straightens up. She knows he’s here.

“Kai?” she asks in a low, careful voice. Does she try to call him at times? When she thinks she senses a presence?

“Hey,” he whispers, pushing against the wall to step closer.

            Jo stands up as well and Andy closes her eyes, almost in pain and probably confused by the near-presence of another spirit; the other two can see she’s holding back her tears. She looks exhausted.

“I can’t even tell whether you’re really here or I’m going crazy...”

            He instantly draws more from his magic, reducing Jo’s presence to the bare minimum so he can be the most consistent possible for her.

“You’re not crazy,” he whispers, stepping closer behind her, until she can sense his chest grazing her back. “I’m right here.”

            She inhales, resting her back against him, not daring to turn around and see nothing. He touches her hand and she closes her eyes, weaving their fingers and squeezing for comfort. “I’m right here,” he repeats in her ear, breathing in her scent of raspberries, allowing himself to rest his forehead on her wet hair.

“I’m losing it,” Andy whispers. “I just wanna go home. Please.”

“I know. I’ll bring you home, I promise.” He closes his eyes and nuzzles in her hair, trying to give her as much strength from this approximate embrace as he gathers.

            Jo is standing by the door now, she doesn’t stir nor speak, but she’s feeling like this is too intimate for her to be watching. She only starts when something bangs against the door. After a quick look, she turns back to them; she figures from Andy’s eyes, wide with terror and exhaustion, and the hand she holds against her mouth, that she must have started as well. Jo is not used to seeing her in such a state of fear but then, she’s been living in this nightmare day and night for so long now… Jo can’t prevent the lump forming in her throat while Andy turns to Kai and hides her face in his chest.

“Please, bring me back,” she cries, covering her ears, “I can’t take it anymore. Just don’t leave me here; please.” Jo sees how her brother wraps his arms around Andy, holding her close and rubbing her back for comfort; she can see his despair to shield her from harm.

“I’ll bring you back soon, I promise.”

She shakes her head, crying, and he draws a difficult breath. If she asks him again not to leave her here, he’s going to break too. “Remember they can’t see you, nor hear you,” he reminds her in a low, soft voice. “Remember that spell I cast on you: you’re cloaked, they can’t hurt you.”

“But what if the spell doesn’t hold? What if they break in?”

“They won’t. They’re only drawn to it, but even if they were strong enough to move the wardrobe, which they are not, they wouldn’t see anyone in here. And you’d go all death angel on them within the second, just like the night we met, when you took that hunting knife; remember? That was glorious.” She gives him half a smile, remembering the moment, remembering how far they’ve come since then. “You are strong enough to do this, Andy,” he continues in her ear, “I know you are.”

“I don’t feel strong,” she quietly admits.

“You are invincible.”

            He closes his eyes and rests his forehead on hers, gently cupping her face in his hands, and listening to her inhale at his touch. He wishes he could stay like this with her until tomorrow night, and not move, not go back. He’d be with her, able to hold her close, protect her from any threat; but he can feel the subtle pull in his temples, summoning him back to 2013. Despair clenches his heart. “It’s only a matter of hours now, you’ll be out by tomorrow night, I promise. You’ll have to go to the cave and set the ascendant like I did, okay?” She nods. “The moon eclipse will start at seven-sixteen, tomorrow night. Repeat it.”

“Seven-sixteen p.m tomorrow,” she says, sniffing.

“That’s it. I’ll get you out of here, I promise.”

“You’re fading,” she realizes, trying to hide the horror washing over her.

“I’m right here.”

            He draws even more in his magic, emptying any extra stock he’s been building since last night, but the pull is more and more insistent, and Kai knows he can’t fight it much longer.

“Don’t go now,” she asks, holding him close.

“I’ll come back, I promise.”

            And as they try to hold on to each other, Kai suddenly wakes up in the living room again, holding Jo’s hand, while Damon, Alaric and Jared are watching them. He gasps for air, not minding the blood under his nose; he’s used to that now. All he can do is try to hold on to the image and the sensation of Andy holding him; she was right there.

Jo watches him as he opens his mouth but doesn’t speak, as he closes his eyes and lets tears roll down his cheeks. Everybody will think it’s only because he’s exhausted, because his body is warning him to stop this impossible rhythm he’s had in the past eleven days, but she knows now. She saw them together and she knows what is there between them, or at least she saw a part of it; and all she can think about is how devastated she would be if a prison world and six heretics were to stand between her and Alaric.

The twins hold gaze and so much passes between them that Jo feels dizzy for a second. Then, uneasiness and shame surge in her, because for another moment she forgot. She was busy deciphering and sketching the new him, the current him, and she forgot who he was and what he’d done. She looks away.

“So?” Jared asks, “did you see her?”

“We did,” Jo tells him before glancing back at Kai. “She’ll be fine but we really can’t miss tomorrow’s eclipse.” No need to tell Jared about her serious lack of food and her state of constant fear; that wouldn’t help.

            Her leader nods, his eyes glued to the ascendant and she instantly knows he’s counting the seconds until the next time he can go see her. He’ll go back tonight, and possibly tomorrow morning and even tomorrow afternoon. She knows he will, because he has been doing just that for the past week and a half, and she would do the exact same thing for Alaric. That’s when a detail comes back to her. “You said they couldn’t see her, nor hear her,” she asks her brother, “did you cloak her with the _Invisique_ ?”

            The witch nods again, wiping his nose with the tissue Jared just handed him, while Alaric comes to embrace his fiancée.

“That damn spell,” Damon mutters, remembering how Joshua Parker made him completely disappear when he went to Portland with Alaric and Stefan.

“It’s a strong one,” Kai explains to Jared, who seems to be the only one not following, “only a Lightbringer can sort of perceive our presence; it’ll keep her safe.”

            Jared nods, not quite knowing all the detail about this spell, but Kai seems sure of it and Jo doesn’t object.

“We’ll definitely need Bonnie and Liv, tomorrow,” she says, and everybody looks at her but she is staring at her brother, “in case you’re not up for the spell.”

            He clenches his jaw but sees the firmness in her eyes; she knows he’ll be spending all of his strengths on being with Andy until her last minute in 1903, and it’s obviously best to have a couple more witches ready to pull her out if he’s too worn out. He nods, reluctantly, and goes back to his room.

 

*******

 

            He walks through the door and the wardrobe, and finds her lying on his side of the bed. The candle on the night table is still lit, and he knows she’s been waiting for him. He sees her tilt her head when she senses his presence and he lies down next to her, drawing just enough in his strengths in order for her to feel his ghostly embrace. He can’t feel the warmth of her body, though; no more than she can feel his, and this thought is torture to him.

She turns around to face him, seeing emptiness in the air, and brushes a hand in his hair, resting it in the back of his neck. It must be so weird for her, to be able to approximately touch him but not actually see him. He can’t wait for the moment she’ll land eyes on him again; she’s the only one who can see him, truly see him.

            He brings her closer to him and wishes he could kiss her tears away. He knows she’s afraid of something going wrong tomorrow, anything that could lead her to staying trapped, he was feeling the same anguish on his last night here; but he got out. He got out and nothing will stop him from getting her out as well; she doesn’t belong here. He strokes her hair, whispering comforting words, constantly reassuring her, hoping she’ll fall asleep thinking he’ll succeed. He knows he will.

            Andy’s stomach growls and he kisses her forehead. She hasn’t eaten in two days, he knows she’s weaker than ever but in a few hours, he’ll hold her in his arms for real and she’ll be fine. They’ll both be fine.

 

            When Kai wakes up, he gasps for air. His breathing is difficult, scattered. He closes his eyes again, already feeling dizzy, and even more so with his bedroom spinning around. His mouth and throat are dry, the now-familiar headache is battling in his temples and he’s feeling so weak he doesn’t even know whether he’ll be able to stand up. He has to though, because today is the day he gets her back. One more weight settles down on his chest, making his wheezing breath even more difficult. He ignores the soreness in his entire body, in his muscles and in his flesh, and slowly sits up.

He coughs for an eternity, hating how blood fills his palm and how weak and sick he feels. He reaches for the ascendant and clutches it with trembling hands, exhausted tears escaping the corner of his eyes. Today it all ends.

            As soon as he steps into the living room, he can tell something is different, though his mind is slow to react. A long wooden table, with matching benches, has been installed and is now covered with food, cans of soda, chips of all sorts, and boxes full of ornaments. He reaches the kitchen and finds the blond vampire over the phone, stirring an appetizing sauce in the pan.

She only looks up at him when seeing him make straight for the coffeemaker.

“…no, the consistency is nowhere near what it’s supposed to be like. Are you sure your Grams used to do it like that? …Okay, okay, I’ll figure it out… I gotta go, I’ll call you back.”

            She ends the call and reads the recipe on her phone one more time, biting her lip. She always looks so lively and so full of energy; Kai hates how she gets to cook and worry about a stupid sauce while Andy hasn’t been singing when making breakfast for nearly two weeks; she hasn’t even had anything to eat in the past couple days. He reaches out to his magic, exhorting himself to calm. He’s not powerful enough yet, but soon he’ll be able to go back.

“You look terrible.”

            He looks up at Caroline but won’t reply; he doesn’t have the strength for that. He leans back against the counter, holding his coffee near his nose for the scent to keep him anchored to the present, and watches her, dazed, absent. She’s on every front, checking for a pie in the oven, stirring this pan and spinning this other one. “Shoot!”

            She looks angrily at whatever ended up burning in a pan and throws it all in the sink. She wipes her hands and throws the dishcloth as well, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic here?”

            She looks up at the witch, as if remembering his mere existence.

“What?”

“Just saying: it’s food, you’ll survive.”

“I know, I’ll survive,” she snaps, “but there is so much more I need to get done before–”

“Seriously,” he cuts her off, losing patience, “don’t tell me about your first world problems, not when I’m hours away from pulling Andy back from a prison world in which she will _die_ of either starvation or heretics or utter loneliness and fear if I don’t succeed. No one cares about your therapeutic binge cooking; not today, so shut up, because I’m this close to snapping your neck.”

            She opens her mouth but catches herself before speaking, processing his words. She exhales and rubs her eyes.

“You’re right,” she says. “I just wanted it all to be perfect for when she comes back.”

            Kai frowns at that and it all takes a different dimension in his mind; the stacks of food, the party ornaments, it’s all for her.

“You were cooking for Andy,” he realizes.

“Well, duh,” Caroline says softly. “I mean, Elena said she’s been running super low on food lately, she’ll probably be hungry when she comes back; and I completely blew Bonnie’s return with my non-emotion crisis, so I thought I could throw Andy a proper welcome back party. I mean, everybody has been helping out, even _you_ have been helping, so I guess it’s the least I could do…” She trails off, risking a glance at him, but he doesn’t look angry anymore. “It’s stupid, I know–”

“It’s not.”

            The vampire frowns, because she’s never heard him speak in such a soft voice. What happened to lunatic-Gemini murderer? She’s heard of his sudden and barely-believable personality change, but it’s really odd to actually witness it. And what’s wrong with him? It’s like he’s not even strong enough to stand on his own.

“She’ll like it,” he assures her, “and she’ll be happy with the food.”

            The oven rings and she rushes over. Kai doesn’t want to smack her smile off anymore, not now that he knows this is all for Andy; it’s one more sign that she’s coming back today, this is happening, this is real; and it just warms his heart. Caroline gently settles the pie on the table and looks up.

“I thought I’d make an apple pie as well, you know; I mean… I don’t know what she likes, but you can’t really go wrong with apples–”

“You chose well,” he says, “she loves strawberries.”

            Caroline nods and gives him a shy smile, not really understanding how she ended up talking food and Andy’s tastes with Kai Parker. As silence stretches, the witch clears his throat.

“Where are the others anyway?”

“Uh, they went to make sure Lily didn’t get in the way today,” she answers, going back to her cooking.

“I never thought they’d leave me unattended,” he murmurs to himself.

“Well, I was staying anyway, and when Stefan did offer to stay as well, Damon said one person was more than enough; he said you were not going to run away or anything, because you really wanted to help, so Stefan went out with him; which was such a relief, because I’m so not ready to face him right now…”

She chews on her lip, staring at the saucepan, her mind wondering away from the kitchen. As Kai doesn’t comment, not particularly interested, she snaps back to her thoughts and resumes rambling, “I just– things are just a mess right now; how could I think about us and how I ruined it all between us, while I’m not even done dealing with all the terrible things that I’ve done? I mean, I tried to _kill_ him, and I almost killed Tyler and Matt, and I burned my mother’s letter and– _God_ , I was such a monster to them all– And these three persons that I killed… I mean, I _know_ it was humanity-less me but how am I supposed to go on as before? I could have killed so many more, I–”

            She closes her eyes and shakes her head. She’s been going over this in her head, over and over again. It doesn’t make her feel better to know that this wasn’t really her, that it was the darkest vampire side of her, and she hates it so much that she knows she’ll never turn her feelings off again. She sniffs and stiffens when realizing she’s been pouring her regrets to the sociopathic killer who’s recently discovered feelings for himself – so not a good idea for so many reasons.

            She inhales and focuses on her cooking, wishing he’ll forget how she just let herself be vulnerable in front of him.

“It’s crazy, isn’t it?” he finally whispers, “to look back and realize there was nothing that could have stopped you from doing all these things, while you _know_ the normal you would never have allowed it to happen.”

She looks at him sideways; his eyes are glued to the floor, his thoughts far away in time and space.

“You look back and you can feel it,” he continues, “you relive it over and over again, knowing it should never have happened; that something should have stirred up inside you and stopped you, but there was nothing there to hold you back; you simply didn’t have a care in the world.”

            Caroline is staring at him now, wondering how in the world he can describe it as accurately. Is this what living with Luke’s feelings has been like? Constant regret over what he did when he was only himself?

“Believe it or not,” he says, looking up at her, “you turning off your humanity makes us more alike than you think.”

“We’re not alike.” She frowns. “You were a sociopath your all life and I _chose_ to become one.”

            Her face blanches as she realizes, “That actually makes me the bigger monster.”

“You’re not a monster, Caroline. You were in pain and, for a moment, you weren’t strong enough to face it, so you turned it all off. You suppressed those feelings that were eating you up and that would have been the end of you, and then there was nothing to stop you, not an ounce of emotion; you could have killed your own mother without blinking.”

            Caroline wants to look away at his last words because she doesn’t want to even think of that, even though she knows he’s telling the truth. However, she doesn’t look away, because he’s looking her in the eyes and tears are pooling inside his, like he knows exactly what it’s like, like he’s been there before. “You made a mistake,” he continues, “and it’s going to haunt you for the rest of your life. The difference between us is that your friends will forgive you, because they know the real you. They know it’s not like you to hurt someone and they know how much you regret it.”

Tears roll down his cheeks and he closes his eyes. “You’re not irredeemable, Caroline. I have to believe that because if you are, then there is no hope for me.” 

.

* * *

.

We're one step closer to getting Andy back! Yay! I don't know about you but I'm all tense, I can't wait for her to be safe x) And I'm also a bit worried about Kai. Man, sacrificing your health is not the way to go! Though I was happy with his conversation with Caroline, and with Damon's way of sort-of-including-him ^_^ 

Any favorite moment?

Have a great weekend and see you next week! :)


	42. Chapter 42

Forty-two

 

            Kai inhales, looking around while reviewing everything one more time. The ascendant, Bennett blood, magic, celestial event about to come up. It’s all good, he’s ready. Around him, the others have broken down into small groups of conversation. Bonnie is talking to Damon, her arms tightly folded across her chest and careful not to look in _his_ direction. Alaric is holding Jo in his arms, her back against his chest and his hands lovingly stroking her belly, and Kai needs to look away; and then there is Liv, talking to Jared and remembering to glare at her brother from time to time.

            He knows they’re not here for him, they’re here for Andy, but it’s still a comfort for him not to be alone. Caroline stayed back with Stefan and Elena, in order to make sure Lily and Enzo wouldn’t jeopardize the operation in any way; their last attempt. He is very aware that if he misses this one, Andy won’t have any food left to survive until next celestial. He pushes the thought away and inhales again. He can do this.

            When the time comes, he steps forward, relinquishing the ascendant to Bonnie so she can drop her blood on it. Liv joins them and takes her hand before they look up at him. They went over this before coming, they know how it’s going to go. He’ll project himself to 1903, to make sure Andy is ready and, thanks to a spell the younger twins came up with when they were children, Liv will be able to see through his eyes and let Bonnie know when she can pull back and safely retrieve Andy.  

He nods to them and they each start chanting their own spell, like a canon not beginning very well; but then, after some time, they find their rhythm and settle their breathing and their pace, listening to each other while focusing on their own voices and words. Jared is the only one able to see how their Lights dance and twirl around, grazing each other and running towards the ascendant.

            Kai is in the cave and Liv can see through his eyes. She can see her friend, alive, sitting on the ground with her arms around her knees; she can’t see her face, only her figure, but she knows all of Andy’s attention is centered on her version of the ascendant. She’s here; everything is ready. All they need now is for the moon eclipse to come up so Bonnie’s spell will be enacted. However, when an indistinct sound makes both Kai and Andy’s heads whip towards the entrance of the cave, she frowns. Andy stands up and Kai steps closer to her, whispering words of encouragement, while a figure finally comes out of the shadows, then another, and another.

            They must have sensed it; how the only person alive, the only whim of magic left the house tonight to come here, and they must have guessed that by coming to this cave, she was waiting for her ride home. It is their last chance as well, and they won’t miss it. Back in 2013, Liv clutches Bonnie’s sleeve.

“Lift the spell,” Andy tells Kai. She means the cloaking spell he’s kept on her for days.

            He looks at her sideways, taking in her pale skin and the backpack that looks so heavy on her shoulders. He doesn’t want her to fight them. “They’re drawn to the magic,” she insists. “Lift the spell.”

“They’ll see you,” he objects, gauging the distance between the skeletal figures and her, “they’ll come for you.”

“Look at them, they’re all desiccating. I can take them on.”

            He tries to think of something else, fast, but nothing comes. She’s right; they can’t have them feed on the spell and blow the plan, but she can keep them at bay long enough for Bonnie to retrieve her. As he begins chanting again, he is vaguely aware of what is happening through Liv’s eyes.

“Something came up,” the blond witch tells the others. “Anyone who can fight heretics come here; I’ll send you over.”

            They all share a surprised glance but they don’t waste time: Jared immediately steps forward, closely followed by Damon and Alaric. Jo holds her fiancé back by his sleeve and shakes her head.

“You’re human and you’re unarmed. You’re not going in there.” He turns his head to Damon and Jared, ready to object, but they shake their heads as well; Jo’s right, he’s staying.

“How do we get back?” Damon asks, looking down at the ascendant.

“You won’t need to touch it,” Liv assures him. “I’ll make sure Bonnie’s spell is as inclusive as possible. Just stay as close to it as you can.”

“Got it.”

            They touch her wrist and disappear, entering 1903. Andy is already fighting against the three desiccated vampires; she won’t use her supernatural strengths though, probably because it’ll weaken her even more quickly, but she seems to be holding her part. Not far from her, Kai is busy chanting, and Jared can see, from the corner of his eye, how his Light twirls around his arms, all the way to his hands, and shoots from his fingers to hit them both. They don’t waste time wondering what he’s doing, somehow trusting he’s on Andy’s side, and they lunge in the battle.

            Andy looks up when feeling their presence, she still can’t see them, as they are only projections, and her surprise gets her a kick in the head; her face violently hits the ground and she closes her eyes for a second, not sure where she is. As for Damon and Jared, they start understanding what Kai is doing when they finally get to reach out and hit: the witch is drawing in his magic to give them consistency in this world, so they can fight and help. It’s definitely not an exact science however, and a lot of their blows don’t land, because they’re not really here. Liv wouldn’t take the risk of projecting them completely.

            Nevertheless, when a bright light suddenly invades the cave, they all spin to see the ascendant lifting in the air and slowly floating. They can feel Kai’s magic drawing back to him as he calls for Andy, telling her to run. As they see her get up and run, both the vampire and the Lightbringer abruptly disappear from 1903; Liv’s nose and chin are covered in blood, she couldn’t hold longer. Jared reaches for her with caution while Jo and Alaric squeeze Damon’s arm, waiting to know how it went but there is no time for explanations, no time for words. It is all happening right now.

            They all imitate them when they both look at where they last saw Andy in the prison world, and at Kai, who is still standing and chanting; the last one with her. Several seconds go by, the longest seconds ever, until a flash of white light blinds them, and a well-known figure appears in the woods.

 

*****

 

            My feet hit the ground and the first thing I can see are trees everywhere; trees and no snow. I know they’re not the 1994 trees because there was way more foliage on them, while these ones are just shyly going green after winter’s peak. My backpack falls from my shoulder and hits the ground as I try to catch my breath. The warmth of the sun on my face is a true blessing, and I could spend my entire life thanking all the gods from everywhere for it.

“Andy?”

            That voice. His voice; low and soft, coming from a few feet behind me. Silence is over. I briefly close my eyes, already smiling, before turning around. Tears blur my vision and I know there are other people here around him but I don’t register any of them: my eyes only land on Kai and I exhale; I can finally see him.

“Hey.”

            I don’t even need to tell my body to go for him, I simply fill the distance between us in a few strides and lunge for his embrace, holding him as tight as I can, closing my eyes as tears pearl at their corners. He’s real. I can touch him, he’s here.

I can finally breathe. He holds me just as close and I focus on the mad beating of his heart against my chest. Kai Parker. My broken witch. My illegal friend and ally, my former enemy, my impossible crush, my mischievous teammate, my unlikely source of hope. He’s been my only company for the past two months, and even when he escaped, he kept coming to see me and reassure me, doing everything he could to help me and get me out. These last twelve days were the worst, with only his fluctuating presence to keep me from utter loneliness and insanity; and I couldn’t even see him. I couldn’t really touch him physically either, he was only a presence. I breathe in, gratitude surging inside me.

“You did it,” I say, my voice breaking, “you came back for me.”

“Of course, I did,” he whispers, stroking my hair, weaving his fingers in it as if to make sure he’s holding me for real.

“You brought me back.”

“I promised, didn’t I?” I can hear he’s smiling, and my heart lights up.

“You never know what can happen in this town,” I chuckle.

“ _God_ , let me look at you.” He pulls back a little, just enough to look at me. I take in the tired tears in his eyes, his pale, exhausted face, and his smile, that smile I have so deeply missed. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“I’m fine.” He scans my face, looking for other wounds than my bleeding nose – that was one hell of kick that I got – and his hands brush my cheeks, my hair, my shoulders, and I know he’s trying to process it; that I’m here and I’m safe.

“You’re fine.”

            Once concern leaves his face, I feel my nerves finally breaking and I can’t hold my tears.

“Oh my God,” I cry, and he pulls me back in at once, slowly rubbing my back, wrapping his arms around me in a way that makes me feel safer than ever. “I thought I was gonna be stuck in there forever. I thought I was gonna die alone.”

“You’re back,” he whispers in my ear. “It’s over now, you’re home; you’re safe.”

“Thank you,” I say in a sob. No other words come to me, although it is vital that I express my gratitude for doing everything to get me out, for his resilience and support, for not giving up on me. Thank you.

“You’re safe.”

            Many heartbeats pass by without any of us moving. Nothing exists outside of this embrace, the first one in so long, and I want it to last for hours and hours. I want to hear him breathe peacefully as my own sobs quiet down, I want to hold him and feel his arms around me until the very thought of being alone vanishes from my mind forever.

I know we stay like that for some time, oblivious to anything and anyone around us, but it’s nearly not long enough when a familiar voice cautiously interrupts our reunion.

“Andy?”

            My eyes shoot open and my head whips to him. Jared is not standing that far, and tears start pooling in my eyes again as I see his. I dash to him and he wraps his arms around me, as I cry again. I breathe in, filling my nose with his scent; pines and fresh mint, the scent of home, of family.

“I’m sorry, Jar,” I cry, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you–”

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” he whispers, rubbing my back as well, but more like a brother would, “we’ll talk later, what matters is that you’re back; you’re safe.”

“Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Of course, I came,” he assures me, “of course.”

            I focus on calming my sobs, feeling like I’m successively hugging Alice and my dad through him. God, I’ve missed this; simply being able to hug someone. I’ll never stop doing that from now on.

In the corner of my eye, I can see another Gemini Light that I know and my eyes lock on Liv’s. She’s not one to look vulnerable or cry because she’s relieved or happy, but when I see her eyes full of tears and that smile on her lips, I reach out a hand to her and pull her in for a hug.

“Thank you for alerting everybody,” I smile in her hair, breathing in the scent of her mango shampoo.

“How do you know it was me?” she asks. _Man_ , that voice. It’s so alive and real. I’m really back.

“Who else would it be?”

            She chuckles at that and we hold tight. _God_ , that feels good. How could I ever consider letting her merge? Next to us, Bonnie is watching; however, the tears rolling down her cheeks are more about guilt than anything else. I reach out an arm to her but she slowly shakes her head, lowering her gaze. I pull back from Liv’s embrace and go for the Bennett witch.

“I’m so sorr–”

“Thank you,” I cut her off firmly. “Thank you for changing your mind and helping me out.”

“I’m sorry it took so long,” she whispers, finally hugging me back.

“I’m just glad you freed me. I’ll wait a couple days before giving you a hard time about it.”

            She laughs at that and I laugh as well; it’s weak but it’s there. How long has it been since the last time I laughed? I breathe in; the world is finally back into motion. This is life. I fill my lungs with it. Behind Bonnie, Jo and Alaric step closer to us, holding hands, and as I pull back from one witch, I grab the other. We were never close friends but she happily hugs me anyway and I hug her back. “Thank you for coming to check on me,” I whisper in her ear.

            I don’t get to see the glance she shares with Kai as she understands he’s the one who told me about that, but she squeezes tighter, reassuring, and I hold on to her, reveling in the simple joy of holding people in my arms. God, there are so many of them here; he wasn’t lying. I glance up at Alaric and he grins at me, stretching an arm for me.

“Come here, you.”

            I comply and he gives me my welcome back hug. One more person who came for me, one more friend. “Still not appropriate,” he says in my ear and I laugh. He gives me a wink when pulling back and my eyes land on Damon. The last one here. He watches me for a moment, frowning, and I don’t really know what to do; until he opens his arms wide for me.

“Come on, Hunter Princess; don’t you think I’ll get jealous if you hug everyone here but me?”

            A grin stretches my lips as I reach for him. Who would have thought I’d be standing here one day, hugging Damon Salvatore after spending two months in hell? Who would have thought, after I killed him once, that he would ever come and rescue me? “I gotta warn you,” he says, when pulling back to face me, “Caroline went a _little_ crazy on your welcome back party.”

“What?” I ask, wiping a tear off my cheek.

“I know,” he says with a knowing look, “we told her to play low key, but then, try to get Caroline Forbes to play low key.”

            At my confused look, Jo steps in, “She prepared tons of food for you, back at the house; Elena and Stefan are also waiting for you there, what do you say?”

            She’s giving me a choice because she can see how exhausted I am, but I can’t really say No and go home for a nap just like that, not after everything. I think I need the people even more than I need the food.

“Sure,” I nod, turning my head to look for Kai, and I freeze when seeing his back, further away than I expected. I didn’t notice him walk away. Is he leaving? “Actually, um…” I begin, knowing I’ll give them any excuse to join him.

“Hey, Kai,” Jo calls out to him. His figure stops and he turns around, locking eyes with her from afar, while silence falls on our group, “we’re heading back to the Salvatores’ for Andy’s welcome back party. You coming or what?”

            Not really a question, more like ‘it’s this way, not that one’. The others won’t object to him joining for some reason, even though I can tell they’re not all overjoyed with that; but I only focus on him, praying he’ll come. He stares at his twin for a moment, then looks at me and nods. He starts walking back and I breathe. I give Jo a grateful nod and she squeezes my elbow. In the meantime, Jared grabs the backpack I forgot on the ground and comes to me, passing an arm around my shoulders, while Liv takes my hand. They all start walking toward the house but I glance back at Kai and only motion to go when he nods me to. I hear Alaric mention a strawberry pie, then Damon says something that makes them all laugh.

            I inhale once more and anchor myself in the present, between Liv and Jared, in the Mystic Falls of 2013. I am back and I am safe. I’ll probably won’t feel great right away, but it’s over now. The monsters lurking in the dark can’t reach me anymore. 

 

* * *

WOOHOO finally! You can't begin to imagine how relieved I was to finally, _finally_ leave 1903. Like... twenty chapters in there was A LOT. It was not supposed to get this long though, but seeing how Kai and Andy were getting to know each other and growing closer and all... I couldn't really argue with them, you'know ('cause the characters are in charge, not me) 

 

Anyway, we're out and that feels goood! x)

What about you, what are your thoughts on all this? ^_^


	43. Chapter 43

Forty-three

 

            As she grabs the larger slice of pie and two more French toasts, Caroline keeps rambling about how she took care of everything: she compelled my professors not to mind my absences and be ready to tutor me for free when I get back, and she compelled students from each of my classes to email me all their notes.

“It’ll be like you were never gone,” she happily concludes, giving me the overfilled plate.  

            It’s the second time she’s filled it for me and I can’t hold back a smile. As soon as I stepped into the house, she grabbed me for the tightest, most surprising hug. I complied, of course, even though I wasn’t sure whether this was earned; I mean, we’re friends but are we that close? I remained confused until Damon whispered something to me about her making up for her recent lack of humanity and I vaguely nodded. After that, Elena and Stefan both gave me a welcome back hug, patting my back and offering me heartwarming smiles; she apologized for not noticing sooner that I was trapped, and he assured me he felt safer with a powerful witch hunter like me to watch over them all.

            I did shed a couple tears – again, nerves, and gratitude I guess – as I walked into the living room and saw all the ‘welcome back’ colorful ornaments here and there, and all the food they’d prepared for me. It was so weird, to properly feel part of the group, and not just because my help was needed; this time I was the one who needed help, and they’d all come.

            We’re all around the table now, all going from small group to small group, all talking in a warm buzz of voices, and even though I don’t remember how to properly interact yet – I’m a bit rusty on that – it feels incredibly good to be here. I anchor the moment in my brain, the voices, the laughs and giggles, the sweet scent of cakes, and the feeling of not being alone; I stock it all up for later and cherish it, breathing in and smiling endlessly.

            I exchange a couple more words with Elena before remembering something.

“Hold on,” I say, opening my backpack on one end of the table and searching in it, “I’ve got it somewhere… ha!”

            Her eyes widen with surprise and joy at the sight of the radio cassette I am now holding; she immediately recognized the handwriting on the label.

“How did you know?” she mumbles, barely daring to believe it.

“We talked about it when you came to our singing club with Bonnie once, and we sang this song by The Police. You said they were your dad’s favorite band and he had this cassette he would always play…”

            Grateful tears fill her eyes but she holds them. Elena’s house burned down a couple years ago – well, she burned it down when she turned her humanity off – and she still regrets not having anything of her parents to hold on to anymore. Good thing I spent some time in the 1994 version of her hometown; I was able to come back with a couple things. I also hand her a brooch I took from her mother’s dressing table and Elena takes me in her arms. From his corner of the room, Damon stops talking with Jared and watches us, nodding to me with gratitude, before sharing a non-animus glance with Kai. I don’t have time to dwell on that, Elena is letting me go and I can already feel Liv’s arm around my shoulders.

“I can’t believe you didn’t bring me a postcard,” she jokes.

“I got you better than a postcard,” I assure.

            She slightly frowns at that and I reach for a simple, yet cute, keychain in my backpack.

“A dragonfly,” she smiles with disbelief.

            Her eyes come back to me and I don’t think she’s even looked at anyone with so much softness and gratitude. She grabs my hand and squeezes it, and some of the others share a glance, not knowing the signification of this. 

I went to help Luke in Mystic Falls once, when he took care of some vampire feeding on people immoderately; I wouldn’t let my witch go alone, especially the one with whom I was to remain close for years and years. I mean, I didn’t interfere or anything, I just stood there and watched, ready to tear a head off if anything happened to my friend. On our way back, we had to stop at the gas station and he saw this ridiculous dragonfly toy and added it to the bill. When I asked, he said it was a thing between him and Liv: whenever they went somewhere without each other, they’d bring back a souvenir if they had the opportunity. He was in charge of bringing her dragonfly stuff and she was to get him grizzly bears, hence the keychain that hung on his rearview. He didn’t even remember how they’d settled on these animals in particular but it was a fun thing to share between twins.

Liv and I both know she shouldn’t have been the one to survive; we both felt how we drifted apart after he died, because even though we never said it aloud, Luke and I were preparing for a future without her. He was going to lose his twin and I was going to lose my friend. I was to become whatever came close to a sister for him, while I was transferring all my friendship for Liv over to him. She once told me she wasn’t the best of friends, but then, neither am I. Instead of holding her hand all the way through her depression last year, as the merge was inexorably coming up, I looked the other way and started taking my distance. I was preparing myself to grieve over her, leaving her to cry in her bed in the mornings, when she was feeling too down to come to class, instead of reaching out. I need to do better now; we both have to. For ourselves, and also because Luke would want us to.

Jared bursts into laughter and I look up at him, smiling. He’s sharing a beer and another joke with Damon. How in the world does my first lieutenant fit in all this? That’s beyond me. The sound of something falling behind me makes me turn around and I can see Jo, her hands full with plates, wincing in apology as the content of my backpack spills to the floor. She immediately settles her plates on the table and kneels down to my belongings, while Liv and I join her.

“Olivia,” Jo reads on a letter, before looking up at me.

“You wrote me a letter?” Liv scoffs. “That’s so cute. Hey, look,” she adds, holding another letter, “there’s also one for you ‘Josette’.”

            I snag the heavy enveloppe from her as gently as I can before reporting my attention on the others, still scattered on the floor. I hold the backpack open and quickly brush all letters and Polaroid pictures back in; they’re not supposed to see that.

“Here’s one for Lucas,” Jo adds before freezing at another name, “and– Joey?”

            Liv freezes as well and they both take in all the letters, understanding there is one for every one of them. They turn inquiring looks to me, but I won’t stop until all the envelopes are in the backpack. I stand back up, they imitate me and I gently take the last one from Jo’s hand. “Why would you write letters to our family?” Jo asks in a slightly shaky voice.

            I only realize now that a heavy silence has fallen on the room. I hug the backpack and the letter, not knowing exactly what to say.

“I didn’t,” I finally answer, “they’re not mine.”

            That’s when their eyes land behind me, higher above my head, and all of a sudden, Kai is standing next to me, his eyes glued to the backpack and its content.

“You brought them back,” he whispers. I open my mouth, wanting to say so many things, but I don’t want to share any of this conversation with them all. I transferred all he was supposed to bring back to twenty-first century into my bag after he told me he’d be back for me. I never opened them, never looked at them. It’s private and it’s clearly none of my business.

“I thought you’d want to hold on to them.”

            I give a cautious shrug and he finally looks me in the eye; a discreet graze of his fingers against mine and I know it was the right decision. Liv and Jo watch me hand him the backpack and the last letter, then they watch him sort it in and zip it closed.

“ _You_ ,” Liv says in such a low voice that I can’t tell whether she’s angry or sad, “you wrote us letters.”

            Kai turns his face towards them but his cobalt eyes become void of any visible emotion. He clears his throat and says as lightly as he can, “Let’s not kill the mood just yet, little sis; this is Andy’s big time.”

            He secures the backpack on his shoulder, grabs a beer and silently leaves the room.

 

*****

 

            Later that night, when I hear a discreet knock on my door, I know it’s Kai. Well, don’t get ahead of yourself, Andy. It could very well be Elena with more blankets, or Liv making sure I’m okay on my own here; and it would be weird and very impolite of me to look disappointed. I know at least it can’t be Caroline or Bonnie, since they both headed to the former’s house for the night, saying they’d be back for breakfast tomorrow. I’m pretty sure Jo and Rick are asleep and I don’t really see why Stefan or Damon would come, and I think Elena said her brother has left for art school while we were trapped, so that doesn’t leave a lot of people. I inhale and go open the door.

            I can feel my lips stretch in a smile as I see Kai standing in front of my door. His hands are tucked in the pockets of his twenty-first century cardie and I can’t help but tilt my head, looking him up and down. When did he get to bring his PJs over to Mystic Falls anyway?

“Hey,” he says in a soft voice. It’s like a caress.

“Hey,” I smile.

“I thought I’d check up on you; now that it’s all quiet in the house.”

            I look around and shiver. It’s true that after the constant buzzing of conversations and glasses clinking against glasses, it’s hard to be back to utter silence for the night. Even though it’s not the same world, nor the same bedroom, it’s the same house. I look back at Kai and feel the need to reach out. Can I? I mean, I never really allowed us to be close, not until that last day, and then he was gone, and then he was a spirit that wasn’t really there and now I really itch to touch him and hold him. Where do we stand in all this?

            He doesn’t step forward, he only leans a shoulder against the wall and watches me, simply waiting for the news to sink in: I am back; he did it. We stand for a moment, unaware that a few doors away, Elena and Damon froze when seeing him knock on my door and stepped back, choosing to discreetly monitor the encounter; their midnight snack would wait.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and I know he’s not talking about physically, nor is he waiting for the basic ‘I’m just glad to be back’. My eyes sting with tears and I believe only him, Damon and Bonnie could understand how I feel.

“No,” I whisper, trying not to cry. “Does it get better?”

“It will,” he says softly, “someday. You won’t feel the need to kill silence with either music, TV or the sound of your own voice; you’ll be able to sleep alone in your room and not dream about how you used to think you’d be alone forever. You’ll get better eventually, I promise.”

            I nod, taking a shaky breath as I brush a hand in my hair.

“What about you?” I ask, and he briefly lowers his eyes to the ground. “How have you been?”

“I’ll get better,” he dodges.

“Do you still have nightmares?”

“I’ve been avoiding sleep altogether,” he flashes me a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes and he lowers his gaze again. He chews on his lip for a moment before leaning his head against the wall as well. “It was hard, you know; being back here without you. Not just because it wasn’t right, but also because… they don’t see me, not the way you do.” He closes his eyes to hide the tears. “My sisters hate me, which is more than normal; and Bonnie… Bonnie will probably never get to sleep peacefully again because of me and… the others despise me for all I did.”

“They don’t know,” I whisper. “They don’t know what really happened, about your feelings.”

“I know. It’s just– I got used to being… a human being in your eyes. I forgot what it was like to be a monster in theirs, I– It hurts. Every single time.” He shakes his head and a tear rolls down his cheek. “I mean, just last week, I was talking with Elena. She was sad and I just reached out to her, like normal people do, I just– squeezed her wrist without thinking, and the way she tensed… the way her eyes burned on my hand– I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t– I’ll never get to be a normal guy again.”

            His chin shakes as he tries really hard to hold back the tears, and I don’t wait for some appropriate signal from him to pull him in. He hugs me back, burying his face in my shoulder as he finally lets himself go, muffling the sound of his sobs as best as he can. I can’t begin to imagine the tremendous amount of trust – or despair – he’s feeling to actually cry in my arms. I’ve seen him cry before; that night when he told me about his childhood, and also when he would wake up in tears after a nightmare, but he never let me see him cry of his own accord when he could avoid it, he’s never sought out my company in order to break down safely. I used to be entitled to heart-to-heart conversations, but it seems I’m that person with whom he can truly lower his guard now; which is not something he’s used to.

Knowing that, I hold him close, stroking the back of his neck. “I wish I could bring them back,” he cries. “I wish I could undo it all.”

“I know.”

I kiss his shoulder, not out of lust, but for comfort. Hearing him cry as silently as he can, sensing his body shake with sobs and knowing how much he regrets it all and feels trapped in his past… something breaks in me, slowly, silently. I tighten my embrace, wishing there were more I could do than simply stand here with him; I wish I had the words to make him feel better, or at least make him forget how much it hurts. I hate that I can’t help him out of this, and I feel so much guilt that despite it all… I feel good in this embrace. It’s awful, I know, but I legitimately feel good now that I get to hold him again. What does that say about me?

We stand like this for a long time, until his uncontrollable sobs quiet. Then he pulls back a little and I let him. He wipes the tears off his face and manages a sad smile for me.

“Wooh,” he sighs more lightly. “Sorry about that; I didn’t mean to make it about me.” He wants to change the subject for now, he wants something easy, and I allow him that, giving him the most normal smile I can manage. “I’ll let you get some sleep; I feel like tomorrow’s breakfast is going to require all of our strengths.”

            I chuckle at that and he presses a long kiss to my forehead. I inhale, wishing he wouldn’t stop kissing me, but I know I’m too exhausted to ask for more, or even think clearly. His hand tenderly brushes my cheek and he steps back. “Goodnight, Andy.”

“Wait.” He turns back to me, lifting a brow and I chew on my lip. “Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?” I ask quietly, suddenly terrified to think he could say no. He gives me this indulgent smile that gets my heart racing with despair; Oh God, he’s going to say no.

“You’re home, Andy; you’re safe. You don’t have to do that anymore.”

            It’s not a no; it’s him thinking I never actually wanted this. I step forward, stretching a hand out for him to take, and he stares at it.

“I don’t want you to deal with your nightmares alone; and I could use the company.”

            He ponders over my words, accepting this neutral ground until further decision, and he takes my hand. I close the door behind us and wedge it with a chair – a habit I’ll have to let go of, at some point – and he folds his cardigan on the desk before climbing into bed, settling on one side of it. I imitate him and reach out for his hand under the blanket; it’s ready for mine, and when he squeezes, I move over and snuggle against him, settling my head on his covered chest. “Is that okay?” I murmur.

“Of course, it is,” he says, holding me close and pressing a kiss in my hair.

            I smile in the dark, and quickly fall asleep, listening to his heartbeat. 


	44. Chapter 44

Forty-four

 

I don’t open my eyes just yet, I simply breathe in. Isn’t it great, to wake up and not need to look around to know you’re safe? Kai’s strong arms are still around me and the mere touch of him instantly reminded me that I was safe. We are back, and we are invincible.

            I snuggle closer to him and he draws a deep breath in his sleep, unconsciously tightening his embrace; I bury my face in his tee-shirt, reveling in his warmth and his scent of apples, freshly ground coffee, and this twenty-first-century perfume that makes me crazy – is it One Million? Girl, you are so deep into this. I smile to myself, biting my lip, and finally open my eyes. My witch is still asleep, his breathing is regular and the lines of his face are smooth; I guess he was too tired to even have a nightmare.

I listen to his light snores for a moment, before hearing the birds sing outside the house. I look up at the window, grateful for this early spring light and greenery out there, which is so different from the deadly cold winter I’ve been facing. This is what every morning should be like. I breathe in and look back at Kai; his peaceful face, the line of his nose, his jaw. I press a kiss to his heart, debating whether I’m allowed to bite that jaw, and finally decide to get up. If I don’t leave this room at once, I’m going to jump him in his sleep, and that would definitely be inappropriate.

I shiver with cold, already missing the warmth of his body, but still very grateful for the PJs Elena lent me. I grab Kai’s cardie from the desk and put it on, reveling in that perfume that still clings to the cloth. _God_ , woman, you need to get laid. I chuckle to myself and rub my eyes; I need to get out of this room and clear my head. I silently remove the chair and step out, oh-so-carefully closing the door behind me, then I turn around and freeze.

Liv is standing before me, her eyes half-shut with sleep, her hair in a mess, and her usual morning-unhappy face on. She abruptly grabs me for a hug and I awkwardly pat her back, knowing better than to even start a conversation before her first coffee. I can’t help a tender smile, seeing some family trait here. I take her hand and pull until she falls into steps with me.

When we enter the kitchen, Bonnie, Caroline and Elena are already there, sipping coffee. The first two – well, probably Caroline, to be fair – went a little big on the French pastries, but I must say it’s nice to have something else than my frugal ration of oatmeal for breakfast; it’s nice to have something to eat at all. Seeing Liv’s face, they all understand they can’t keep talking at the same volume – beware of Parkerzilla when she just woke.

“Coffee?” Elena gently offers us, and I miss the discreet smile she has at the sight of my cardie. Liv and I both nod and she fetches two more mugs for Caroline to fill, while my nostrils already feed on the godly scents of coffee and pastries.

“Is that Kai’s?”

            All heads whip to Bonnie – all except Liv’s, which slowly turns towards the other witch – and then to me, when seeing her look at me. I open my mouth and it goes dry.

Uh. Why do I feel my face heat? I don’t even do blushing.

“Yeah,” I casually say, grabbing a croissant.

“How come you have it?”

“I was cold; I borrowed it,” I answer, focusing on the milk I am pouring into my coffee.

“Oh he’s already up?” Caroline automatically asks, looking up at the door and expecting him to come in as well and have a coffee.

“Uh– I don’t think so.”

“Then when–”

“Caroline,” Elena cuts her off before giving her an obvious look.

“Wait,” Liv slowly says and I try not to wince, bracing myself, “is that why you were sneaking out of your own bedroom?”

“You _slept_ with him?” Bonnie exclaims.

“What?”

“You’re kidding.”

“Girls,” Elena tries.

“Define _sleep_?” I wince.

“You’re not kidding,” Caroline realizes, her eyes wide, “you totally slept with him.”

“We did not– We never–” I inhale, trying to find the words. “It’s not like that, we didn’t– I mean, we could have, but we didn’t.” I rub my face and shake my head to myself; I don’t even know what we are, how I am supposed to tell anyone?

“You always had a thing for him,” Liv finally says with a disgusted frown.

“He always had a thing for her,” Elena mutters in her mug.

“Wow,” Bonnie says, utterly new to this prospect, “I am shocked.”

“I mean, he’s hot,” Caroline admits, and I suddenly feel the urge to break her knees, which she totally notices.

“His eyes,” Elena concedes.

“And his _smile_ ,” the blond one adds.

“You guys,” I plead, torn between adding his mouth, hands, jaw, chest and entire body to the list, and disappearing into thin air.

“Okay,” Caroline says, her grin widening as she can probably hear my heartbeat speed up, “so, no scandalous sex with Kai, but some sexy stuff must have happened; did you guys kiss? Make out? Was there any cuddling?”

“ _God_ , Caroline!” I close my eyes and wrap the cardie closer around me, which makes her laugh, while Liv winces even more.

“Can we _not_ talk about anyone having sex with Kai while I’m here, trying to eat breakfast?”

“I _so_ get why he wanted you back now,” Bonnie murmurs to herself and Caroline chuckles.

“Oh, come on,” she gently reprimands her friend, “no judging, okay? This is a safe place amongst girl friends. And we’ve all had scandalous sex with a killer anyway. Or with someone’s brother,” she adds before glancing at Liv.

“It’s true,” Elena adds. “I had sex with my current boyfriend’s brother. And remember how it was a thing when I first had sex with Damon?”

“I _did_ judge you for that,” Caroline says to herself. “Although, I was the first one to have sex with him.” I cough my coffee out and she hands me a napkin. Damon and Caro– What?

“You also slept with my ex,” Elena adds, continuing the conversation.

“We are _not_ talking about Stefan,” the blond vampire reminds her firmly.  

“I was talking about Matt.”

“Oh, okay.”

“And you had sex with Klaus,” Elena adds, moving on from the thorny issue of Stefan.

“I did; major villain hook-up here. And Bonnie did Elena’s brother.”

“I didn’t _do_ Jeremy, we were together.”

“And of course, Liv and I both have a past with Tyler, who also happens to have killed people before, so…” Caroline trails off, giving the other blond a satisfied smile, as if this entire conversation were proving her right. For some inexplicable reason, she and Elena don’t seem that shocked at the thought that I would even consider him for anything that isn’t utter resentment, which is weird enough, but I’m not gonna complain. I still hold back the impulse to tell them that I actually don’t _care_ for their green light to do anyone, even Kai, and I risk a glance at Liv. She’s pursing her lips, watching me, and she suddenly frowns.

“Okay, well– I guess I get that you would… consider letting yourself slip. I mean, you guys were alone in a prison world, why not. But now that you’re back, you see how much it would suck if you did that, right?”

            More than anything, I want to reassure her. To her, he’s still the man that ruined her family and merged with Luke, he’s nothing more than a killer; and I want to tell her that we’re still together in hating him, that we’re on the same page, like we still were two months ago; but I can’t lie to her.

“I… can’t promise it won’t happen.”

            The blow lands hard and I can see a fire light up in her eyes at the accusation: I am moving on without her.

“I can’t believe you’d do that,” she lets out. “Have you even thought of Luke?”

“Of course, I’ve thought of Luke,” I bite back, already hating the way she thinks of me as a bloody traitor who went from claiming Luke as my best friend to now possibly getting in bed with the very man responsible for his death.

“He _killed_ him; he killed him like it was nothing.”

“He didn’t have his feelings, Liv,” I cautiously remind her, my blood already boiling.

“Right,” she smirks with sarcasm, “but now he does; he’s got brand new, shining feelings: the very ones he stole from my brother’s corpse.”

“No, he’s got _his_ feelings and he’s got Luke’s empathy and–”

“Is that the excuse you give yourself? Seriously, does it help you sleep at night, knowing that you’re screwing half a crazy killer and half my dead twin?”

“Fuck off, Liv.”

“Liv,” Caroline intervenes rather sternly.

“It’s all your fault that he’s back!” she shouts, tears welling in her eyes. “He should be rotting in 1903 for what he did to my family.”

“I’m gonna say this, and I’m gonna say it once: he’s my witch, I’ve assessed him, and he doesn’t deserve to be there anymore. He’s got his feelings now and–”

“Oh my God, can you hear yourself right now? He totally played you!”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“You do realize he’s a sociopath, right? He doesn’t care for you, for any of us.”

            From the corner of my eyes, I can see Caroline and Elena twitch at that, even though they remain silent. I don’t know what they think exactly, but they seem to be siding with _me_ for some reason.

 “You’re wrong, and I’m not gonna argue over that with you–”

“ _Please_ , how can you be so blind!”

“Liv,” Caroline warns her.

“Had he not merged with Luke, he wouldn’t be able to make you believe he’s got actual feelings now!”

“Well, had your family not treated him like crap for so many years, maybe he wouldn’t have suppressed his feelings in the first place!”

            A shocked silence meets my words, and while my anger keeps boiling, I rewind my last few words and panic surges in my chest. I did not just say that, right? I mean, I get that I was trying to defend him, but I did not just spill his most guarded secret during a girls’ argument over sex. Air leaves my lungs, and Liv frowns at me.

“What are you even talking about?” she spits. I try to swallow, but what’s done is done, I can’t unsay it.

“I…” I say, “You’re right, he’s not– You’re right.”

            I can see Liv’s gaze searching for the truth in mine with distrust and I avert my face.

“Oh my God,” Caroline whispers, realizing something, and I close my eyes, so, so regretting this.

“It’s nothing– Liv is right, he’s a sociopath. He doesn’t care.”  

            Seriously, who am I kidding?

“Hey, is everything okay?” Our heads whip to the door, and we see Jo come in, followed by Kai, who is already showered and dressed. “We heard you guys fighting,” she adds, “what’s wrong?”

            I can’t even look him in the eyes, he’ll hate me; he hates being vulnerable.

“Nothing,” Caroline assures them with an easy smile. “It was just girls talk and we got a little carried away; sorry we worried you.”

            Liv is still staring at me and we hold gaze; her, trying to figure out my words, and me, begging her to drop it. Please, don’t tell him I said that, please. She sees my despair and rolls her eyes with a disgusted wince before leaving; Bonnie is staring at the table and won’t look up. Please, let them forget what I just said. Or not believe me. Please.

“Jo, you like your tea with milk, right?” Elena jumps in.

“Kai?” Caroline asks. “Coffee?”

            The older twins share a skeptical glance, not knowing what to think, before going along. As they take place around the table, Caroline and I share a glance as well, and as she firmly nods to me, I somehow know that what I said this morning shall never leave this room; she’ll see to that. I don’t know what makes her act like this, why she would ever pick his side, but I appreciate it. I finally muster the courage to look up at him – he sat down across from me.

Kai lifts his brow, silently asking whether I’m okay, and I simply nod. I can see the lines of his face smooth as concern leaves him, then he eyes the cardie I’m wearing and grins at me, giving me a wink. I hide a smile behind my cup of coffee but don’t look away.  

 

*****

 

            We laugh and I can’t help but glance at Kai, smiling some more when he also looks at me. A smile dances in his eyes as they linger on me before reporting his attention on Damon, as everybody laughs again. First, I was missing having breakfast with my suitemates or at home, then I got used to having breakfast with Kai and it was different, then I was missing him and now… There is this part of me that wishes it would be just the two of us, but on the other hand, I am so damn happy to be sharing this moment with them all.

            Elena lifts her heels in order to peck Damon’s cheek and my heart warms up when he gazes at her lovingly. I notice Stefan’s lingering eyes on Caroline while she purposefully focuses on anything else, and I realize she’s handling it – whatever ‘it’ is – just like I used to handle it: she’s not. Then my eyes land on Jo and Alaric, those two lovebirds holding each other close and gazing in each other’s eyes like they want to head back to their room. I notice the new and more subtle Gemini Light dancing around Jo’s stomach and I let it hypnotize me for a moment.

I can’t really voice my surprise and excitement and joy because I don’t know whether she’s announced it yet. I look back up at them and see their fond gazes differently; it’s all filled with the promise of happy moments that are to come, of this family they are creating, and this very thought stretches my lips in an irrepressible, silly smile. Boy, I could spend all day stupidly grinning at their happiness.

“Oh, you guys got croissants!”

            My eyes shoot towards Jared’s delighted voice as he walks in. His forehead is covered in sweat and he’s got his sportswear on; no doubt he’s been maintaining his usual program. I sigh internally, not annoyed, but happy that he brought me this piece of home to Virginia. He walks up to the table with a general good morning wave, and Elena happily hands him a croissant while Damon settles a steaming mug of coffee between him and Alaric. I cannot begin to tell how much joy I get from this view. My almost-brother takes the widest bite and revels in the taste, while Alaric makes fun of him, earning a fake frown. They laugh at something and then Jared’s eyes land on me, and lock.

He takes me in, how rested I look, how happy and smiley, and full, and safe. He swallows his pastry and nods to me. “You and I need to talk.”

            All conversations and easiness cease at his words; the command of the first lieutenant. Suddenly, all warmth leaves the room and tension settles in, as everybody remembers why he’s here in the first place. Clans, covens and supernatural gangs seem to take their places back in our minds, and though I love Jared, I hate him right now for ruining such a precious moment. He has no idea how rare it’s become for me to feel like this.

“I’ll go for a shower and get dressed,” I simply say, trying to muster some firmness, “then we’ll talk.”

            He nods, and though I sense everybody’s eyes on me, though I feel Kai’s impassive eyes on me, I don’t look back; I get up and head to my room.

Here begin the troubles. I don’t doubt Jared will be of good faith, he has more of a practical mind than a tendency to hold a grudge, but my reasons to go astray better be pretty good to start with, otherwise, the next months and years won’t be very pleasant for me. Auditions, court martial, suspension, and still no way to free our ancestors from Luke’s ring.

I’m still lost in thoughts when I accidentally bump into someone.

“Andy?” he asks with surprise, taking me in as if I’d just come back from the dead.

“Enzo, hi,” I say, surprisingly happy to see him. But then, who am I _not_ happy to see?

“You’re back,” he states, still processing.

“I am,” I smile, my good mood returned. Only later will I find out about him and Lily attempting to steal the ascendant while the others were trying to rescue me from 1903, and only _then_ will I also get to hear that Lily didn’t exactly mention to him they were trying to pull me back, when she asked him to help her steal the device: he thought they were just trying to destroy it, so that she could never get her friends back. It wasn’t personal, but I won’t be hearing about any of that before some time. Right now, he’s just a supernatural I know and he’s a real person from the real world. “You know what, I’m going to hug you right now,” I grin.

“What?”

“I’m not alone anymore and I can hug people now,” I explain, “so I’m going to hug you; you ready?”

“No.”

            I don’t let him object, I gently wrap my arms around the vampire and he freezes, frowning. I can only chuckle as I imagine his shocked face but I don’t care. He’s pretty much part of the crew anyway, and I really needed to hug someone right now, just to remind myself that even though clan crap is going to rain down on me in about a moment, it won’t be that bad; because I’m out. I’m back and I’m safe.

“Sorry,” I chuckle, “free hugs should be mandatory when people get out of prison.”

            He chews on my words and eventually hugs me back, probably recognizing his own loneliness in my desperate need for human touch. I gently pull back and we take an appropriate step back – I’m mean, we’re not that close – and I can see in his eyes a softness that I’d never noticed before. I sense in him such a potential for friendship that I want to brand him my new best friend right away; what is _wrong_ with me? “It was awkward, wasn’t it?” I wince.

            He nods in agreement but a playful smile tugs at his lips.

“Let’s just say you owe me; and this shameful moment of weakness shall never be revealed to anyone.”

“Thank you, my good sir,” I chuckle, “you’re too kind.”

            He nods and I ponder for a second: he’s Damon’s friend, and though I don’t know whether he’s been part of the general rapprochement I have witnessed, I don’t want him to be alone; no one should ever be as alone as I was. “Seriously, though,” I surprise myself saying, “I know what it’s like to be a loner and it’s not always easy. If you ever find yourself needing the services of a Lightbringer, I’ll be your girl.”

            He tilts his head in confusion and I realize he must be the last person in town not to know what a Lightbringer is; so much for keeping it a secret, right? He politely smiles at me nonetheless.

“Duly noted; and should you be in need of a vampire someday, you can call.”

“Will you come?” I ask, arching up a brow.

            He tilts his head, faking indecision, and I laugh. 

.

* * *

Here we go: looks like the thought of Andy having anything to do with Kai brings about some tension... 

Also, I find them so cute when sharing glances. There's definitely a different kind of tension between them haha

Hope you enjoyed! ^_^


	45. Chapter 45

Forty-five

.

            I step out of my room, ready to take on the world – sort of – and I immediately spot Kai, leaning against the wall. Somehow, his tranquil presence appeases me: nothing can really happen to me now.

“Jared is waiting for you in the library.”

            I nod, pursing my lips. Is it normal that I want to reach out to him, even more so when we’re alone? I want to wrap my arms around him, I want his strong arms to settle around my waist, I want to hold him for an hour and forget everything, and I want to kiss him. Everywhere on his face, in his neck– I look away. Chill, Andy. This is so not the right moment to be fantasizing about your witch, however hot you might find him. This is time for clan talk, and _he_ certainly hasn’t forgotten that. “Do you want me there, with you?” he asks, and something tells me he’d be ready to do quite a lot of things if I so much as asked him to, and it reassures me somehow, because I feel like I could do a lot of things for him too.

            I’m about to say yes but then I remember Jared and I are going to have a lot to discuss: I’m going to be pleading for my cause, I don’t need to have Kai Parker in the same room; first because I wouldn’t be able to focus, and second because Jared would never agree to discuss clan business in front of him – or anyone else, for that matter. I exhale and shake my head.

“I need to do this alone.”

            He nods and offers his hand, squeezing mine when I take it, and I revel in this simple touch from him, in how our palms fit together. We never really talked about it, but I think that something as simple as holding someone’s hand has gained a completely different value for us. I’ll have to ask Bonnie and Damon about the after-effects they’ve encountered, but something is clear: the comfort of holding someone’s hand has never meant as much as it does now. I squeeze again. Cellmates are invincible. “Don’t go far, though. We might need to talk to you when we’re done.”

            He nods again. “I won’t be far.” A promise uttered in such a soft voice, and yet that is as solid as stone. He won’t be far. Just like in prison, when we would never venture too far away from each other, silently fearing that another shoe would drop and we’d end up truly alone.

            Pulling away is one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I do it anyway and head to the library, where Caroline is setting a tray with pastry leftovers and glasses of orange juice, giving me an encouraging smile before leaving. She closes the door behind her and a heavy silence fills the room. Jared’s arms are folded over his chest and he looks stern – God, I could swear he got that frown from Alice, after years and years of seeing her do it.

“Let’s hear it.”

            I instantly shrink back at his tone and he perceives it. Jared’s always been protective of me, and whether it goes back to when he started dating my sister or even before, when he came to live with us, doesn’t matter: he knows I wouldn’t be scared of him, never. Yet, this insecurity that creeps back at the sound of his stern voice seems to break his anger, and his face softens. I must appear more broken than I thought.

“You know what, don’t– pressure yourself,” he says after a deep sigh. “I’m not the elders, I’m not here to dissect  every decision you made and tell you how bad it was. It _was_ bad, we both know it. But now is your chance to explain to me how you could ever let the situation become what it is now. So you’re gonna take your time and I’m gonna listen to you and we’re gonna work on it, but I need you to be honest with me, Dee.”

            I’m not really surprised that he’d be this ready to hear me before judging – Alice and him make such a good pair – but I didn’t expect him to be so patient about it. Maybe the weeks he spent here, worrying about me, decreased his anger? I guess this stay in frozen hell wasn’t all bad, then. Ironic.

He holds my gaze until I nod and sit down on the sofa.  

“You should probably sit down,” I invite him. “It’s gonna take some time.”

He doesn’t move right away but he ends up choosing the armchair next to me. I chew on my lip for a moment, sorting the ideas in my mind as best as I can. It’s crazy to realize how much I have to tell him; I’ve been lying to them for so long… Where do I even begin?

“I went astray,” I finally acknowledge. “I broke the rules.”

            He watches me, silent, and I know he wants me to go on. This is my one chance to explain, to make him understand however I ended up in this mess. I need to take the time and make him understand. So I might as well start with the beginning.

“It was always easier being Liv’s friend,” I say. “She’s not overbearing with affection nor too demanding in terms of friendship; and it felt good, having someone to be lonely with. We each had our secrets and we didn’t need to share everything, we just needed someone to be there. I was never really repulsed by her attitude, because I knew her moods were mostly about the merge; either kill her brother or be killed by him. Over time, the line became blurry and– we became friends, somehow. And I really liked Bonnie and… Luke was okay–”

            I stop and close my eyes, fighting the tears. This is so not going to be easy.

“When everything happened with the Travelers last year, I disagreed with Alice on how to handle it. She wanted me to stay in the shadows and discreetly take them out while leaving the Mystic gang take care of the Other Side and… That’s when I first went astray. You know how no one wants to lose a witch, let alone two of them in a row, but it wasn’t just about my witches; Mom was on the Other Side, along with our dead family… That’s where I disagreed with Alice, and still to this day, I believe this was our business as well, and I believe she should have let me stepped in.”

            Jared briefly lowers his gaze before looking back up. It’s a sensitive subject for him too: both his parents died when he was fifteen and he came to live with us. My mom practically became his mom too, until she died as well. I don’t know whether he shares my view regarding what happened to the Other Side but he won’t probably tell me, especially if it goes against our leader’s decisions.

“Luke was dead when I got to the cemetery that day. I shouldn’t have been able to see him or talk to him, but I could. I was feeling so useless, taking out one Traveler at a time, and I knew the others had a plan, I just didn’t have access to it and there was nothing I could do. I got him to expose me their plan, that’s when I understood the last thing they needed me to do was to keep killing Travelers one by one, because they had this one shot to bring everybody back. Whether I chose to step back or not would have an impact anyway: if I were to follow orders, I was dooming their plan; and if I were to step back, I was giving them a chance to succeed. It didn’t take long for me to decide. But then… they weren’t my only concern.”

            I reach for the ring that constantly hangs around my neck and show it to Jared.

“I asked Luke to save our ancestors’ spirits before the Other Side went down.”

            My brother-in-law’s eyes widen at my words, then slowly lower to the ring. He slightly squints and can finally perceive the tenuous Light of magic peacefully waving around it.

“You’re saying our parents are in there?” he whispers.

“All the dead Lightbringers that never found peace,” I confirm. “I never got to know who exactly.”

            He stares at it for a moment and I can tell his brain is working full speed. He probably remembers how I took the blame for not following orders and losing my witch; it was all for them, for our family to be safe.

“You never said a word.”

“It was bad enough that I had made myself known from a witch; I don’t think the elders nor Alice would have been very happy to find out I asked him a favor.”

            He looks back up to me, tensing at the mention of a favor. I hold the ring close, allowing a sad smile on my lips as I remember his late owner. “I knew he would probably report me to his dad if he felt like he couldn’t trust me, and Joshua had just been in contact with Alice; she would know and probably get me suspended. As for me, I– I honestly didn’t trust him, at first. I didn’t wanna share clan knowledge with anyone, especially not a witch. But I didn’t really have a choice: he had the spirits of our ancestors locked up in his ring; I needed to stick with him until he could get the Witch community to draft a new Other Side, and that wouldn’t happen at least until he became leader, so I needed to wait for the merge.”

            It feels so weird, summarizing this past year in only a few sentences. My explanation is going to be long, but not nearly as long as I would need it to be. I let the flow of memories invade me and take my time; Jared won’t interrupt me now.

“We didn’t know about our dads being old friends, but we ended up making the same kind of alliance together: he would keep our existence a secret as long as I didn’t tell the clan he knew; and I would protect him from supernatural threats in exchange for transferring my ancestors to a new Other Side. It wasn’t ideal, but we would each get what we wanted and it’d be fine.

“Then I visited over summer, and dad told us about his own alliance with Josh Parker, and it got me thinking: Luke and I weren’t close friends or anything, but it would be super practical for my future missions to have a contact among witches, especially a future-leader. I was, of course, angry with dad for not sharing his secret with us sooner; I mean, had we all known who we were, I wouldn’t have needed to keep my cover rolling, I could’ve helped, maybe I could have saved Bonnie from…”

            I trail off, blinking tears back as I remember last summer; going back and forth for endless auditions, the feeling of failure, the disappointment of the clan. I didn’t really see Luke as my friend, back then, but he already was the only one who supported me.

“We both needed support; we both needed someone to be there for us. His twin sister was going through a crisis because of her impending death, and I couldn’t tell the whole truth to _my_ sister without losing her trust as well and I– I honestly couldn’t have that. So we got close; somehow, we became that one person we could rely on. It took time and we ended up trusting each other before actually liking each other, but somewhere along the road… he became my closest friend. We’d never share classified details but we could talk, you know, brainstorm over problems, be frank and not hold back; and somehow we got into planning for a future without Liv. I was never going to be a leader but I could understand why Dad kept his friendship a secret and I was hoping Alice would get that too someday, I was hoping she’d let me remain Luke’s Lightbringer and trust that it could work. He was going to win the merge and we were going to be allies forever…”

            I trail off, closing my eyes and allowing the first tears to roll.

“And then Kai came along,” he says, understanding where my plans met complications.

“And then Kai came along,” I repeat in a whisper.

            Even that part of the story is going to take time. I should be grateful Jar didn’t just kill Kai when he first saw him – someone must have explained to him at some point that my witch was the new leader and that his life was linked to all Gemini. How do I begin to explain all that? I guess he doesn’t need all the glorious details for now, so I won’t mention just yet how I first thought he was a simple Gemini witch and how I spent the night flirting with him.

“I blew my cover the night I met him. I didn’t even think, I knew from what Dad told us that he was the greatest threat ever; he was out for power and murder, and the only thing that mattered was to stop him from merging with Jo and becoming head of his coven–”

“And that worked out _so_ well,” he comments under his breath.

“We got delayed,” I grit, “and things changed when all Parkers successively thought of letting him do the merge.”

            Jared arches a brow and I sigh.

“Jo and Kai were supposed to merge in the first place. I’ll spare you the details but Liv and Luke were only born in order to prevent that merge and produce another leader. They’d never thought of going against it in the first place; Jo had vanished and Kai was gone. But suddenly, they were both back, and there was hope. Liv didn’t want to die, Luke didn’t want to lose her, least of all kill her, and Jo thought she could win the merge. We kinda all knew it was a terrible idea but again, what was I supposed to do? Was I to sit and watch them crown him coven leader or was I to interfere _again_ and take him out as soon as possible? It would have been a death sentence for Liv.”

“Damn,” he whispers, knowing which choice would have been his, but also seeing the dilemma.

“No matter what I did, there would be direct consequences. And I couldn’t exactly reach out to the clan for help; I mean, it would have been a risk to expose Dad’s alliance with Joshua, and also _my_ illegal alliance with Luke. We would both have been branded traitors and my plans with him would have gone down. Alice was counting on me to settle all this on my own so I did; I tried to, with all the help I could get.”

            He slowly nods, picturing how I ended up fighting along with all those vampires and witches; I was trying to fix the situation.

“And then, the most impossible thing happened,” I whisper, trying not to let the memories of that night overwhelm me.

Jared understands, realizing for the first time what it means to me, and voices, “Kai merged with Luke.”

              I remain silent for a long moment, letting my tears roll and shaking my head to myself; Jared doesn’t press me. If anything, I can see compassion in his eyes and it brings me back to my friend’s funeral and how everybody said they were sorry. I can’t breathe.

“I was so not prepared for that,” I cry. “He was my friend, my ally; he was supposed to stick with me through it all, we were in this shit together. And he was gone.”

            Jared reaches out for me, he takes my hand and squeezes it, briefly blinking a couple tears back; he never liked to see me cry. “I didn’t know how... I couldn’t imagine going through all this without him. I needed to tell Alice and deal with the clan, and I needed to find a way to deal with Kai without killing him and– I didn’t know what to do, I _needed_ Luke.”

            He takes me in his arms and rubs my back gently, waiting for my tears to dry. He’s not my lieutenant right now, he’s my friend and my family. I breathe in his scent of mint and pine, and close my eyes. It’s like I’m home. Right after Mom died, there was a moment during which I cried in his arms, just like now. I haven’t thought of that in years but I remember it: he was younger, still a grown man, but he was crying like a boy. Who was to call us her ducklings now?

Several minutes go by until I can straighten back up and wipe my tears. I need to finish this; he needs to understand.

“I couldn’t let myself drawn and I couldn’t lose him; he’d come back to life before so I somehow convinced myself that I could get him back. All I needed was a plan, you know, a powerful witch and a spell, and time, I needed time, which means I couldn’t tell Alice the whole truth just yet because she’d call me home and I needed to get him back… She felt so far away when I called after the merge. I couldn’t even say the words, I mean Luke was _dead_ and it was all I could see.”

He gently strokes my wrist, hearing my despair and realizing I’ve been carrying my sadness and my grief alone. He wasn’t there to hold my hand, none of them was.

“She went on thinking Liv had won and I let her, it would just buy me some time until I could save him. I didn’t care about going home after that, and telling her and getting suspended… All that mattered was to bring him back. We would fight Kai together, lock him up again in his prison world–”

            I close my eyes and shiver at that, and Jared squeezes my wrist, probably thinking this is only about me. “He was going to come back and we were going to fix this mess, like we were supposed to do in the first place.”

            I exhale and keep my eyes closed, playing the memories in my mind as if it was happening all over again. The night at Steven’s, the bad feeling when seeing all those texts from them all but not from _him_ , Kai’s unbothered smile when he told me he’d merged with Luke. It hurts so much to think back on it and realize the real him was trapped, screaming his despair in some hidden part of his mind. I shiver again. 

“When I heard Kai had absorbed Luke’s empathy along with his magic, when I heard Damon basically guilt him into helping Bonnie out of ‘94, I thought I could find a way to work with him, get him to return Luke to us. But when he said he couldn’t, I didn’t want to believe him. I was sort of hoping he was lying or not thinking hard enough… I could tell he was in pain whenever someone brought it up, which wasn’t anywhere near fair, I mean– how does _he_ get to be sad and grieve while he was the one to take him from us?”

            Liv’s words from this morning come dancing back in my head and I try to push them away. ‘ _He killed him; he killed him like it was nothing._ ’

“Time went by,” I resume, “I was stuck without a solution, I was stuck in my lies and I was trying to keep my newest witch alive…” Jared arches a brow at that and I let out a nervous laugh. “Kai is… let’s say he’s been very affected by his past actions and he wasn’t really feeling like he deserved to be alive after what he’s done.”

            My superior frowns and simply nods to himself, probably remembering whatever he got to assess during those twelve days. I’m not very comfortable with talking about Kai’s wounds, especially after practically spilling his greatest weakness this morning; I’ll just move on.

“Anyway, I was still trying to figure something out for Luke while assessing Kai, and keeping an eye on Jo and Liv, and preventing the clan from finding out I’d screwed up. Then it all happened very quickly: Bonnie was back from ‘94 and Caroline’s mom had died, leading her to turn her humanity off, then blackmailing Stefan into turning _his_ humanity off. And right when the gang was looking for a way to bring them back, Damon found out about his mom being alive in another prison world and, one thing leading to another, I found myself monitoring Kai and Bonnie when they went to 1903 and… I didn’t make it back.”

            I exhale, remembering that first night in the prison world and how cold I was. So cold. Jared allows me a moment in my memories, long enough for me to find my way back to 2013 and breathe in; I am back and I am safe. We are invincible. “I know that one of the main issues right now is whether Kai can be trusted and I know it goes against what you expected – it certainly goes against what I always expected – but I trust him. I really do. I’ve been assessing him for over two months now; Kai with feelings has nothing to do with the guy who did all these things and I trust that he’ll try to be a good witch now, a good leader.”

            Jared ponders over my words, drawing his own conclusions from what he’s witnessed so far; I won’t tell him today about what happened in 1903, I won’t tell him how I got to know Kai and what I discovered about his past, even though it would change Jar’s perspective on him as well; I know it would. But this is between my witch and me.

“I got to know your friends a little, while you were over there,” he finally says, absent-mindedly turning his wedding ring around his finger. I glance at him sideways, not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing. “I’ve been assessing more than witches lately, and it feels like they’ve been looking after you better than I have.”

            His voice is soft but bitter and I know he’s torn between being angry with me or with himself. I don’t respond, nervously chewing on my lip. He brushes a hand over his mouth and exhales. “So, we have… an entire town of supernaturals who know about us, a ring on a chain with our dead ancestors in it, piles of secrets and lies to last us for a century, and a coven leader ready to make an alliance.”

            I look up at that, wondering how he would know. Have they… been talking together? About clans and covens? Jared sees me frown and can’t hold a chuckle. “Easy, kid, don’t fry your brain just yet.” I give him a weary glance and nudge him, so grateful to be able to count on him no matter what. “We seriously need to figure this shit out before we talk to Alice.”

“About that… Kai said you haven’t told her everything about...”

“About how bad you screwed up?” he offers when I trail off. I look away and nod. “I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself,” he tells me. “And though your sanction is not going to be my decision, I’m glad I did. I must admit, you really got me freaking out here for several weeks… The more I discovered and the more it didn’t add up with the Andy I knew. But now that I heard you, I’m not saying I approve, but I get to see things from your perspective and I guess I would be a crappy brother-in-law if I didn’t try to help you out of this mess.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, a lump forming in my throat again. “I don’t want to push my luck, but I would really appreciate if I could be the one to come clean. I think Alice should hear it all from me.”

“Oh, I’m not telling her any of this myself,” he chuckles, implying I’ll be dealing with our leader on my own, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t hold your hand while she rips your eyes out.”

            I laugh at that and he affectionately ruffles my nearly-dried hair, just like when I was a teenager. “Now, how about we invite your witch over for a talk?” 

.

* * *

.

I don't know about you, but it did feel weird to go over all this with Jared. I don't know, it feels like they've come such a long way since the beginning. And I mean even the mention of Luke brought tears to my eyes. I don't know, he's so much at the center of all the decisions Andy has been making so far, it made me very sad for them. Though I'm glad Jared sort of understands. Like... he's not on board with all of her decisions and he's stern, but he's not unreasonably angry.

Anyway, that was chapter 45. See you on Wednesday for 46! ;)


	46. Chapter 46

Forty-six

.

            As we wait for Kai to join us, I try to fiddle as little as possible with my phone or my nails, because I know Jared notices. I can’t believe I’m actually more nervous about this talk than the previous one. I guess, deep down, I knew Jared would never hate me for going rogue, as long as it was with good intention, and he doesn’t. He’s going to help me get the best outcome possible and we’ll present a not-so-bad explanation to Alice.

I check once more that my text did reach and put my phone away. You need to chill, Andy. Seriously. I’m not even here to actually talk about the alliance: that’s my superior’s job. I’m here to monitor the encounter and tell him honestly whether I believe whatever Kai will say.

            The door finally opens and the witch comes in. He takes in the scene: my red, swollen eyes, and Jared’s serious, but not angry face. Of course, the only spot for him is next to me on the sofa and he sits down – it doesn’t even feel right that we are sitting _on_ the sofa.

As he begins tapping on his knee with his fingers, I notice his eyes linger on my hands before rising back up to me and I know he wants to reach out. I itch to take his hand and draw comfort from his touch, but I don’t think it would be the best of ideas right now: the last thing we need is Jared thinking I went through all this, not because I wanted to help and be useful, but because of some guy; that would be a major blow on my credibility.

“So,” my witch says with an easy smile, “how do you wanna do this?”

            I grit my teeth and risk a glance at Jared, expecting a wince of despise or for him to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t seem to notice and that throws me off. People usually frown upon his attitude instead of getting the why: Kai doesn’t like appearing vulnerable, he doesn’t want people to know when he is concerned or when he values something; the more tense, the more casual and detached he’ll appear. I give him a warning look, which he registers, even though he won’t change his demeanor unless feeling like it.

“Before we decide how to tell our leader what has been going on here,” Jared says in a very professional tone, “we need to figure out what we’re going to tell her exactly. And some answers lie with you.”

“Okay,” the witch nods lightly, “what do you wanna know?”

“You offered to make an alliance, similar to the one our fathers had; can I still hold you to that?”

“It wouldn’t be unconditional, but yeah, I’m still in.” He gives me an obvious wink and I want to melt into the sofa and disappear; forever.

“What would your terms be?” Jared cautiously asks.

“I’d like to choose my Lightbringer, for one. I wanna work with someone I can trust,” he says before turning to me, “and your scary sister is off the table.”

“That wouldn’t leave you a lot of people to work with,” Jared points out before looking at me as well. I tense, hating to be the center of their attention at the moment. Why can’t I talk about this privately with each one of them instead of with them together? It doesn’t feel right, somehow. “I can’t even guarantee Andy will be allowed on missions when you get assigned to one of us.”

“I know,” the witch shrugs, fishing for a pastry on the tray, “and I would probably settle for you if I had to; I mean, second best is better than crazy-powerful-leader; _but_ , it’s up to Andy to decide.”

            Uh– what? His tranquil gaze settles upon me and I know Jared watches us, not quite understanding.

“That’s… not exactly how the hierarchy goes. It’s not like I’ll have my word to say–”

“You told me once you didn’t want to be a Lightbringer forever, that you wanted a normal life.”

            I open my mouth but he doesn’t let me interrupt him, giving a brief glance over at Jared.

“If your clan was willing to send you undercover in a college, Andy, I’m assuming they know about that as well. What I’m saying is, I’ll have you assigned to me if that’s you want but I’ll also have you released from any obligation towards your clan if you want your freedom. This choice is entirely yours.”

            He holds gaze with me until I fully register that it’s my decision to make. My own. Gratitude and tenderness fill my heart for what he is offering me, as if it were _his_ whim. Once more, he’s leaving me with the choice. My heart pounds in my chest and my eyes fill with tears – again. I want to hold him tight and express how much it means to me.

“You heard me,” I murmur, and by the way he looks at me, by the gentle smile that dances in his eyes, I know he gets the message.

“Andy?” Jared cautiously asks after a moment of silence, “do you know what you want to do?”

“Not yet,” I say, finally tearing my eyes my witch to face him, “I… can I think about it and decide later?” The Lightbringer and the Gemini share a brief glance but I miss what passes through and Jared nods to me.

“Sure.”

“It’ll probably be the last thing to be decided when you get to face your scary sister,” the witch adds, as if he knew how things were gonna go.

“Can you _stop_ calling my wife scary?” Jared wearily requests, rolling his eyes, and Kai giggles.

“Back to business; what else do you need from me, Jar?”

I turn my face to the witch and arch up a brow. I mean, ‘Jar’? He smirks at me and shrugs.

“I might need to know what you’re planning to do with your coven, now that you’re leader and back from perpetual winter.”

“Will that be all?” Kai mocks. “Or should I attach my bank numbers as well?”

“The more I can get, the better,” Jared winces in apology. I frown at that, at that look they share. Not that they are friends or anything but they’re… I don’t know, not enemies, somehow? I mean, what is going on here? It took me weeks to start chilling around Kai, how did they get there in twelve days? The Gemini grabs a glass of orange juice, distractedly offering me the other one.

“Well, if you want to know, there are two main projects on my mind. First, I’m gonna get my coven to reach out to others.” He takes a sip, letting us share a confused look. Whatever for?

“I would do it myself, of course, as the leader, but I get that things are to be a little tense if I just show up and start policing everybody around on a regular basis. So I’ll stay behind and let them reach out to other coven leaders, and we will all get together at some point, and draft the newest, brightest Other Side.”

            I straighten up at that and Jared glances between the two of us, noting my surprise.

“What?” I breathe out.

“Now, don’t get me wrong: I want something cozy, but not in a creepy way. I’d like maybe different atmospheres depending on dead people’s preferences. And we should have a stage for late singers, with welcome and departure parties.” Jared gives him his best what-the-eff look, while I’m still processing the announcement.

The witch easily reaches for the chain around my neck, and I shiver when his fingers gently graze my skin. He pulls Luke’s ring from under my cloth and holds it in his palm. “Someone needs to get these people out of here,” he explains, lost in his contemplation, “and of course, we can’t let supernaturals dying around and going straight to oblivion.” He softly rolls his thumb over the ring, thinking, before looking up at me. “What do you say, officer?”

            It’s not a real question; he knows I’m onboard with that, but thinking that he’s going to do this, that he’s going to finish what Luke and I started… I chew on my lip, needing very much to hug him right now.

“I’d love that.”

“Then it’s settled,” he says, not leaving me out of his sight. His gaze on me is like a caress, and I almost feel embarrassed for Jared when he clears his throat, interrupting us once more.

“And your second big project?”

“I’m not sure how I’m going to pull this one yet,” Kai says, rubbing the back of his neck, “but I’d like to find a way to ditch the merge from our coven tradition.”

            My chest tightens at that and I know Jared is monitoring my reaction. Kai stares at the ring; he’s still holding it delicately, as if it were part of his lost brother. “I don’t want any more Gemini to die in that process. I want Lucas to be the last one we lost over a merge.” He finally looks up at Jared and says in a cheerier voice, “So. No plans for murdering anyone, no going astray; just modernizing the coven and doing the supernatural community a favor. Do you think it’ll be enough for your wife to go easy on Andy?” Once again, something passes in their gaze and Jared gives him a firm nod.

“I think it’ll do.”

“Sweet,” the witch happily grins. “How about we head downstairs? I heard Elena is baking cupcakes.”

            Jared snorts, shaking his head to himself as the shadow of a smile shapes his lips, but he stands up as well and Kai offers me his hand to help me get up. I take it and squeeze, trying to convey all my gratitude. First my future, then the new Other Side and my ancestors, and now the merge. I can’t believe he’s been thinking about doing all this, and yet, I shouldn’t be surprised: he told me once he wanted to be the best leader possible. It used to be in order to spite his parents, and now it’s more about making it right for his sisters, trying to earn their forgiveness and maybe be a part of their family someday. Again, my heart fills with so many positive emotions for him that I don’t care to count them or name them. I’m just damn proud of him, and I’m sure he’s going to be a great leader.

 

*

 

“They’re back,” Damon calls when he sees us enter the kitchen, “and… they’re all alive. Rick, you owe me five bucks.”

“Damn,” Alaric says, giving Jared a fake frown, “not even one of them? I think you’re going soft.” In his arms, Jo laughs and all eyes turn to them as we follow. Kai is the quickest to look away, his eyes landing on the baking tray, which causes his whole face to light up.

“Yum, cupcakes!” He reaches for one but Caroline slaps his hand, giving him a stern look.

“They’re for desert.”

“This is me, not caring,” he tells her, pointing at his face, before snatching one. The blond vampire pouts, and Jo reaches for one as well.

“Hey!”

“Pregnant woman, here,” Jo gestures to herself, “I get a free pass on food.”

“Right. Oh, whatever, just have them already,” she gives in, handing out the tray for every one of us to help ourselves. I settle at one end of the table, watching them happily comment on the pastries and starting conversations. It’s not that I’m not part of it, I just choose to step out of the world for a moment and observe them, to fill my memory with this sight and these feelings. My feet are anchored to the floor; I am here.

“Gee, Andy,” Kai walks up to me, “you _need_ to try these, they’re _so_ good.”

            He holds up a cupcake for me to bite in and I comply; it’s still warm and a soft and– _Boy_ , I mean, the chocolate. Kai beams at me and bites his lip, which basically sets me on fire. Jumping him in front of everybody would definitely be a terrible idea; I need to think about something else.

“That was impressive,” I say.

“How I stood up to Caroline just now? I know; I was terrified.” I nudge him and he steps slightly closer next to me, and I long to snuggle in his strong arms. It’s even more tempting when you see Rick and Jo do it, or Damon and Elena. Not that we are… actually together or anything, we’re just– Focus, Andy. 

“I was talking about the library. What you said you were going to do with the coven… Luke would be proud.”

“Thanks,” he whispers.  His fond gaze lingers on me and I believe we’re both thinking the same thing: it would be so obvious if we were to head upstairs together. Besides, this house is full of vampires; _so_ not the right time. When I look away and see Jared leave, I don’t get to know why right away. I simply assume he’s got his own stuff to do now that he’s used to being here somehow, now that he’s sort of part of the team.

The morning peacefully passes by and I progressively come back to the land of the living, one step at a time, one conversation at a time. I get to learn that they all managed to take half the day off, in case last night wouldn’t go as planned and they’d need more time, and I feel like giving them all one more round of hugs for coming to get me.

            Caroline is still carefully avoiding Stefan, who respects her wish and stays away, though he keeps staring at her longingly, and Bonnie stays clear of Kai just as cautiously, while Jo avoids any interaction with him. Not that the others are openly friendly with him, I see them tense when he gets too close or when they remember he’s here, and I know he notices as well, but he doesn’t say anything, offering them all careless smiles as if it didn’t hurt him. I know they won’t accept him right away, he’ll have to prove to them that he’s changed and that he’s ready to be good, and it won’t happen overnight, but seeing how far he’s come and how he’s not the deadly enemy in the room any more gives me hope. We’ll get there.


	47. Chapter 47

Forty-seven

 

            I come to a halt and slightly frown, confused.

“You went to see Liv?” I repeat, somehow not picturing it. Jared stops as well, a few feet away from me, and turns around to face me. We’re standing near the Salvatore house, we were on our way to his car when he said that.

When people started gathering their stuff and arranging for rides back to McKinley, it all felt like the last day of summer, when you brace yourself to leave that lovely vacation spot you settled in with your family and you must go back to your normal life. Not that normal life sucks or anything, but going back to it always feels bittersweet.  

“She didn’t really leave after your argument,” he explains, stepping back to me. “She was cooling down on the porch.”

            I nod, I heard that when Bonnie said she was driving her back to campus. Somehow, I’m relieved that she didn’t pick on what I let slip about Kai, I know he would have hated to be confronted about what truly happen to their family. But at the same time, I know that the perspective of me not hating him anymore – worse than that, actually : me being into enough to want something, even though we’re not clear about that yet – must sound like the worst of betrayals to her. It wasn’t that long ago that I stood here, claiming that I’d lost my best friend to this man, and now I’m ready to make peace? Of course she hates it. But it’s not like I get to share with the information that made me see things differently. It’s not my call.

I sigh. I can’t believe things are gonna go back to being tense between us. I would very much need my friend these days, and I’m pretty sure she does as well, but it’s like we never get our timing right. But Jared, though? I hadn’t realized she’d turn to him.

“What did you tell her?” He sways on his feet, uncomfortable, and that is what makes _me_ uncomfortable. “Jar?”

            He doesn’t answer right away, weighing his words.

“I told her I believe Kai won’t be posing a problem anymore. I told her I get she doesn’t want to be anywhere near him, but he’s her coven leader now and he actually has good plans for the Gemini.”

“You told her about his plans?”

“No, that’s coven business and I think he should be the one to tell her, or… text her or whatever. I’m not taking part in that, and neither should you, but I told her she could call me if she ever felt like he was going astray again. That reassured her.”

“They’re both my witches,” I remind him. “She can call me.”

“Look, Andy, I get that Liv is your friend but… she’s my witch now. She asked me to be the one to monitor her and I said yes.”

            The blow lands. How is one supposed to feel when hearing their witch just ditched them?

“Uh, okay?”

“Look, she knows you’ve been through a lot and– you’re on good terms with Kai now, and that’s hard for her. She feels like you’ve chosen his side.”

“But I haven’t– He’s the one who’s on our side now… and there are no sides anymore.”

“She doesn’t see it like that,” he admits. “I mean, you and I see things differently. I do believe him when he says he wants to do good, but she won’t get there in a week. She might never.”

            I remain silent, processing, and he brushes a hand in his hair. “Look, think of it as buying you more time: Alice still thinks Liv is the new leader. When I get back, she’ll be asking a lot of questions and I know that you want to be the one to tell her everything, and I respect that. Now, I won’t lie to her. I won’t hide from her that something has been going on but I’ll let her know _you_ want to be the one to tell her. She’ll see you’ve secured us a peaceful alliance with the Gemini and I’ll be talking over the phone with Liv from time to time. Hopefully, she’ll get used to the situation and be merciful when you come home.”

“But I didn’t _secure_ the alliance,” I object and he arches up a brow.

“You wanna have me believe that he came up with it during the twelve days without you guys ever discussing it before?”

“No, I did suggest it when we were in 1903, but it’s not like I actually have anything to do with what the two of you agreed on this morning–”

“Andy,” he gently cuts me off, “how about we don’t pretend his cooperation has nothing to do with you? I get you have a bunch of things to figure out but where I’m concerned, you’ve secured us an alliance with the Gemini despite your mistakes. That should keep Alice at peace for some time, but you should know that when she’s done with her crisis in Louisiana, she’ll be calling you for answers.” I am still debating how I’m feeling about that when Jared looks up passed my shoulder, watching Kai walk up to us.

“Damon kept my car in the garage!” he rejoices. “Can you believe that? He was probably gonna use it or sell it.” He shakes his head and drops his backpack at his feet.

He’s heading back to McKinley with his car, and I know that as soon as Jared will leave me at my suite, I’ll be off to see him. We need some time alone, we need to talk, I need to be with him. Even if it’s just for a hot cocoa and a serenade.

He turns a friendly face to my brother-in-law, who has somehow learned to read his mood by now and mostly goes along with it. “I came to say goodbye. I don’t think I’ll be seeing you before you leave.”

“You never know,” Jared cautiously says, glancing at me, “I might stay until tomorrow and I’m not sure what the group in McKinley have planned for tonight.”

            I try not to snort at that. I know what impression we must have given him but it’s not like we’re one, big, happy family that gets together every other night for a meal. We don’t do that. We’re small groups of friends that bicker all the time and come together when a bigger threat comes around.

“Not sure they’d invite me,” the witch playfully confides, and Jared nods in agreement. “But I won’t be there anyway. I’m flying over to Portland this afternoon; I think it’s time I made an appearance.”

            Once again, Jared agrees, but I freeze. Portland. As is Portland, Oregon? It’s like the ground is crumbling under my feet.

“No giving your family an excruciating death after all?” Jared asks lightly, but there is a real question behind that.

“Come on, Jar,” he smirks, “you know I won’t have time for that. I’ve got things to do and the sooner I leave Oregon, the better.”

“Then I guess this is goodbye.”

“It is.”

“Thank you,” Jared says, serious and grateful, “for bringing Andy back. I owe you.”

“Nah, don’t mention it,” the witch shrugs. “Who was going to serenade me if I didn’t bring her back?” He glances at me, just long enough for a wink, but immediately looks back to Jared: I think my face is starting to show what I’m feeling on the inside.

“Still. You went above and beyond with this. I owe you; I mean it.”

            He holds a hand for Kai to shake and my witch stares at it for a moment. I don’t know whether Jared realizes what he’s giving him right now, it’s like a first step towards redemption and being accepted. They hold gaze and Kai solemnly shakes his hand.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“I’m counting on it.”

They nod to each other and Jared steps away, giving us a semblance of privacy. The Gemini turns to me, stepping closer, and tilts his head, his gaze full of tenderness. He said he was leaving this afternoon; is this goodbye?

“Hey.”

“You’re leaving,” I state, because that needs to register. Why do I feel betrayed?

“Not for long, it’ll be a few days max.”

“But you’re– We–” I can’t believe he’s leaving me alone again. “I should come with you.”

“Yeah, not sure bringing my own witch police to the party is such a good idea; it’s going to be tense already, I don’t need them to freak out even more.”

“But they’ll try to kill you–”

“They can’t do that: I’m their leader now; their lives are linked to mine. And I’m more powerful than them–”  

“But… what if they try something else? A new prison world or–”

“They would need my help to create a new one,” he gently assures. “And all keys to prison worlds are here.”

            He bends down and takes the ascendants from his backpack, holding one in each hand. My eyes settle on them and I stare. The keys to our hell. It’s like I can’t let them out of my sight, while a cold anguish settles in my chest. I lift a pleading look to him, but my voice won’t comply. What if something happens and they best him in a fight and lock him up again? What if something goes wrong and I’m the one to end up back there for some impossible reason? My heart pounds in my chest and blood battles in my temples; I can’t think straight. “Here,” he says, placing the two ascendants in my hands. “How about you hold on to them while I’m gone?”

            From the corner of my eye, I can see Jared react to that, understanding this is not a meaningless gesture. I stare at Kai, feeling the weight of these powerful artifacts, and yet drowning in insecurity. “No one can use them if you have them,” he says, “and I know they’ll be safe with you; right, officer?”

            He gives me that smile again; he’s trying to cheer me up, but all I can feel is emptiness. He’s leaving and I don’t know how to do this; we’re supposed to be a team.

“I’m not ready to be alone,” I whisper, and I hate that my voice is shaking like that.

“You won’t be alone,” he says, busying himself with sorting the ascendants in my backpack, “Jo and Liv have strict orders to look after you, I’m pretty sure Rick and Damon are gonna go all big brothers on you as well and… you’ll have your friends to keep you company. You can even take Jared for a training session in the woods, I hear he’s a good fit for your skills–”

“Can you _stop_ ,” I snap.

He looks up and sees me glaring through my tears. How come I’m constantly crying now? I never was such a crybaby, I never used to be so weak. I exhale and chew on my lip to hold back the tears. I shouldn’t need him so much, what is _wrong_ with me?

“It’ll be fine,” he says with determination. “We’re invincible, remember?”

“Not when we’re apart.” I see him swallow at that, and briefly close his eyes. _God_ , how can he be so far away? How can I be so alone? We’re supposed to be back. “I am _not_ ready to do this.”

“Bonnie and Damon know what it’s like,” he says, “to readjust. They’ll help you until I get back.” I look away, shaking my head to myself, and he steps closer, allowing his hands under my open jacket and settling them on my waist. I inhale, hating how much I want to cling to him for comfort while he obviously wants to walk away. “I just need to make a public appearance and arrange for a long distance leadership. It won’t be long, I promise.”

“How am I supposed to dive back into the real world? I don’t know how– I’m not strong enough.”

“You,” he says, cupping my face in his ringed hands and locking eyes, “are the strongest person I know.”

            I close my eyes, letting the tears roll, and he rests his forehead on mine. That’s easy to say, but I have waited for days and days to get him back; he’s been my only company for _two_ flipping months, it’s supposed to be the two of us against an empty world, and now I have to let him go again? How can he expect me to go cold turkey like that? It’s like my entire being is filling with sadness. If we’d had a little more time, if we’d settled things down properly, maybe it wouldn’t be so terrifying for me to watch him leave again. “I’ll come back to you,” he whispers in my ear, “I promise.”

            A breath of comfort, and hope, and happiness. I want to step forward and hug him, but he steps back, and I realize how cold I am without his arms around me. “Go with Jared,” he says, nodding towards him.

            I don’t try to protest this time; I’m empty. I grab the backpack he hands me and mechanically walk up to Jared’s rental car. I know they share a glance and I know he watches me, but I can’t turn back or slow down, because if I do, I’m going to break down like the damaged person I am.

 

*****

 

            The rest of the day was nothing but a blur after that. I partly remember crying in silence in the car, and Jared mercifully didn’t say a word about it. I completely blanked during my reunion with Jess and Tina. For them, I’d gone home for a family emergency and Caroline had compelled them not to push for details. I know I should have been happy to hug them and see their smiles, to sit with them in our tiny kitchen and share Tina’s killer pasta, and deep down, I think I was glad, but I was not happy. I was there with them, but I wasn’t. All I could think about was how many days until I got Kai back, how many hours? Because in a twisted kind of way, having him nearby had become a synonym for support and safety and peace and warmth. And no matter how many surrounded me, as long as he wasn’t in sight, I was alone.

            Jared and I called Alice in the afternoon, and we were approximately able to make her understand that I was fine – it’s not a lie to say I accidentally ended up stuck in a prison world while monitoring my witches –, and though I was shaken, I needed to stay and finish my mission here. Jared mentioned the Gemini big projects, and though my witches now knew about me, it was still important that I stayed here and assessed them. She was not overjoyed with me blowing my cover, but she knew the risks of the field, and she was too much caught up with her team in Louisiana to be anything but relieved to hear from me and to know that what the coven knew about us was subject to one of these impossible alliances. So she allowed me to stay, for now, saying I should supervise the beginnings of this alliance, and that Jared should definitely supervise me.

When she asked about Kai Parker, Jared and I shared a glance, and I said he was being dealt with, and I’d let her know whenever I had something solid. It wasn’t perfect, but these half-truths were a first step toward pulling out of my lies. Jared said he’d had a good overview of the situation and he’d be in charge of my case from now on; I’d be reporting to him and not to Alice. She didn’t object to that, if anything it’d give her more time to supervise her team in New-Orleans – it seemed to be quite the mess as well down there – and that was it. Just like that, I was sort of back on track regarding the clan.

 

It took me hours to fall asleep that night: I had these nightmares about desiccating figures creeping out of the dark to kill me, but there was so much snow I couldn’t run, and I kept waking up in a start, my face and my back covered in sweat. And there was no one to hold my hand in the dark. I actually had to wedge my door and slip the ascendants and a dagger under my pillow in order to get any sleep. Strongest person ever? Yeah, sure.

The next morning, Jared took me to train before his flight, and I must say it helped a lot. We hadn’t trained together since Thanksgiving and it was pure relief to externalize all that frustration and pain and loneliness, and _fear_. So much fear.

He fought me square, tapping into his supernatural strengths and speed as well, and I managed to beat him a couple times. Punch after punch, kick after kick, I was realizing that I wasn’t this weak and pathetic thing I’d come to despise for some reason. I was strong. I could take on pretty much any supernatural I pleased – though I obviously wouldn’t – but it simply felt good and liberating to be able to see that; to know it and to feel it deep in your bones that you’re not gonna break at the first blow. You _are_ strong, Andy Moreau.

I cried after our session. Call it nerves or relief, or full-time crybaby, but I let myself go for a long while, I didn’t hold back; and afterward, I felt lighter. I was able to look Jared in the eye before he left, and I was able to nod with determination: it’d be fine. I was going to survive this. I was not on top of my game yet, but I knew I would be. And it’s only because he saw how confident I was about this that my brother-in-law got in his car, and headed back to the airport.

The next day wasn’t that bad. I went to work at the _Scull_ and they were all happy to see me back. Vampire compulsion kept them from pressuring me on where I’d been, and I was grateful for that. It was weird at first, to summon back old automatisms like drawing a beer or checking for an ID, but it all came back quite effortlessly, like a dream of my old life echoing in my gestures. The only thing that got me really trying was how to talk to people; that was a tricky one. That and the fact that after spending two months someplace where nothing ever moves, except creepy heretics, I had to learn how to not dread every move I’d catch from the corner of my eye. I didn’t show it much, but that one was really hard.

After our shift, Liv and I sat down in the lounge of her hall, and opened our books. We didn’t talk about clans and covens, we didn’t talk about her brother and prison; she simply helped me dive back into what I’d missed in class. Stefan joined us at some point, because according to Elena, he was the best tutor you could ask for, and he summarized some key points, especially in history. I was ahead in the reading assignments for Brit Lit, but super late on all my other classes. The vampire was very patient with me and said we’d take the time to go over it, there was no rush.

The day after that, I got to hang out with Elena and Caroline after work, and our conversation blissfully revolved around Jo’s wedding and how we should all be ready to put an all-nighter and get things done if she decided to stop postponing. Rick had invited me to his office for tutoring in the morning, and I was supposed to go back to singing club with Bonnie the next day. It felt like there was always someone to be with me, even if it was just to sit down with a coffee and do some people-watching for an hour. I don’t know to what extent I owe their presence to Bonnie and Damon, but they were all here; not overwhelming, not all at a time, but just enough for me to know that I wasn’t alone. And that helped.

Every night, before I went to sleep, Kai called me. He asked about my day, told me jokes and new things he’d discovered about twenty-first century. We wouldn’t linger on big topics, and I certainly didn’t want to cry over the phone – Boy, that man had somehow seen me cry enough to last me for a century. I just went to bed and sometimes he would talk to me until I fell asleep, and it was just like when he’d projected himself to 1903; it was familiar and comforting.

I tried not to dwell on what his absence did to me during those days. In the course of two months, my whole life had started revolving around him – not that I was overjoyed with that at first, but he’d been the only person to interact with for the longest time. I’d gotten used to listening to his rambling and his jokes, to things being easy, and to settle for one person. Then I’d spent days in solitary confinement, with only creepy monsters to keep me company at night, and still, he was the only one that got to visit me whenever he could. I’m pretty sure my need for him was not that healthy, and I had so many feelings that I needed to sort. Surviving these first few days without him was an ordeal, but knowing he’d be back soon helped me get through it. Because somehow, if there were to be only one person with me in a room, it had to be him.

 

*********

 

“Special delivery for a miss Moreau.”

            My head whips to the familiar voice and I instantly grin. A few feet away from me, a playful smile responds to mine and I gladly accept the beverage, taking a sip.

“It’s cold brew!” I yelp in surprise.

“I heard people up there in the north would drink iced coffee _even_ in winter,” he shrugs.

“Because it’s wicked good!”

“ _God_ , you’re such a northerner.”

I take another sip, as we walk out of the hall, and happily exhale.

“I think I _love_ you, Damon Salvatore.”

“You know I’m practically married to Elena, right?” he asks, faking a sorry face. “It could never work between us.”

“Oh, well,” I shrug, and he laughs. “So, what are you doing here? Don’t tell me you drove all the way from Mystic Falls to see _me_.”

“Of course, not,” he smirks. “I have a date with my girlfriend. I was supposed to see Rick as well, and Bonnie, so I figured I could squeeze you into my tight schedule.”

“Thanks for that.”

“And… Jared may or may not have asked me how you were, and I realized I hadn’t exactly checked up on you for myself, so then he got pissed, and _I_ got pissed, we kinda argued over the phone, and he’s pretty sure he’s gonna kick my ass next time he comes around. Like that would ever happen.”

“You talk to Jared,” I say, not really buying it.

“Oh, we’re like bros now,” he smirks.

“Right.”

“Seriously, how are you?”

“Uh, better? I think. I mean, I know, I can feel it. I’m not great– but I’m better.” Sorta.

“Good. Hold on to that. And don’t hesitate to call in case of a relapse.”

“Does that ever happen?”  

“Bonnie’s had one or two, but then she was in there longer than I ever was, so…” He trails off and I breathe out as calmly as I can. I’m fine; I’m safe.

“How do you manage?” I let out. He gives me a sideway glance. “Being back and… having to deal with anyone else than Bonnie.” The vampire doesn’t answer yet. In fact, he remains silent for so long that I come to believe he won’t answer at all.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

I scoff. What sold it? My unrest since he left? The way I’ll just listen and not comment when you all talk about him, keeping to myself any secret that could defend him? I shoot Damon a sideway look; I didn’t come here to be questioned about whom I miss. “It’s not easy to take your distance from the one person you’ve come to know as well as yourself, is it?” I don’t answer and he sighs. “At this point, it’s rather normal to hold on to him. He’s what keeps you linked to what has been normalcy for… what feels like forever. It’ll go away soon enough.” I frown, before stopping.

“You’re saying I’ll stop caring about him soon enough?” Are you kidding me?

“No, it’s more subtle than that.” He doesn’t stop, and I have to catch up with him. “Do you know who was the first person Bonnie came to see when she got back? Me. Not Elena, not Caroline, not even Jeremy; me.” He has a nostalgic smile when uttering these words, while I hold my breath. “Bonnie and I never even liked each other before we were trapped, but we had common friends and, above all else, we had Elena. For her, we tolerated each other. We didn’t need to appreciate each other to know we were part of the same crew and that we needed to fight side by side and all that crap. Being trapped with her wasn’t easy; for either of us. _But_ , when there’s only one person in the world to count on, one person that keeps you from utter loneliness and insanity and… brings you comfort and hope, then you start holding on to that person, because they’re all you’ve got.” He takes a deep breath, looking far ahead.  

“Coming back without her was a different kind of hell. Felt like I’d failed her. I was out, but it wasn’t fair. And once she was back, well, I started feeling a bit more like myself. It took time to get used to the rest of the world existing again, and I’m not gonna lie: there are still moments where I want to stop it all and sit down with my best friend in an empty world and do nothing but eat pancakes and do crosswords. But, I’d be missing out on all the fun stuff that come with being alive. I’d miss Elena, I’d miss my brother, Alaric, and weirdly enough, I’d miss all of you.” I can’t hold a smile at that. He stops and turns to me. “It took us weeks to learn how to be fine without each other again. I mean, we’d feel this need to look out, to make sure that this other person, that had somehow become _so_ important, was well and safe. And quite frankly, it’s only when I ran into Enzo that I realized that it was okay; that we were gonna be okay.”

            I frown, not following and he explains, “Well, it was not in a creepy Gemini prison world, but Enzo and I did spend some time together in prison. We bonded during our captivity and… there was a time when he felt more of a brother than Stefan ever had. And it actually cost me my humanity to be separated from him. But we reunited, after decades of being estranged to each other, and… well, it’s obviously not perfect and we’re not as close as we used to be, but he’s here; he’s fine, and so am I.

”That’s how I knew that Bonnie and I were gonna be fine as well, no matter what. Sure, we can bicker, fight, argue, you name it; but I tell you, this girl, she’ll never be out of my life. And I’m not even into her,” he adds, giving me a brief smirk. “Bottom line is: if that first-rank person tolerates you and you’ve found a way to tolerate them, don’t fight the comfort it brings you. I’ll tell you what: I think Lord Gemini didn’t choose the right time to go say hi to his family. If he still has Luke’s feelings inside of him, and I bet he does, then he must be missing you like hell, obsessing over every little thing that could go wrong and lead him to end up alone, aka without you, when he comes back.

”Call it survival instinct if you like: one tends to look after one’s pack in times of hostility; and even more so when one’s pack equals one other person. This pull towards each other, the more you’ll fight it, the lonelier you’ll get.” He shrugs. “Now, I’m obviously not saying marry the guy, I’m saying: embrace how relieved you feel when simply seeing he’s alive and part of your life. And once you’re back to trusting yourself to be enough for your own living, you can let go and be free. Or you can become a vampire and turn your feelings off,” he adds more lightly.

            I nudge him, before taking a sip. I think I understand where he’s getting at. I mean, I still feel a longing to see Kai and… I don’t know, hold him, kiss him and keep him close. But that day, when I trained with Jared, when all that energy and strength was racing in my veins, I was free. I still missed Kai, in a way, and he was the first person I wanted to call to share the news of me feeling good, but it was less overwhelming than it’s been. It was more reasonable, because I was powerful and enough for myself. Now, that feeling didn’t last long and I’m pretty sure that’s what Damon calls a relapse, or… my own version of it maybe. I need to find my strength again, and anchor the feeling deep inside.

“So you’re basically saying I should use his company to feel better until I’m good in my shoes.”

“That’s one way to put it,” he winces. “But hey, to be fair, he probably needs your company just as much. Just, don’t rush it, okay? Embrace how good and safe you feel when he’s around; your confidence will only grow back to what it used to be and then you’ll go back to flying on your own.”

            I open my mouth but catch myself before speaking. What if I don’t want to go back to flying on my own? I mean… it just sounds very ineluctable and definitive, and I certainly don’t want to use him and then ditch him. That would be cruel, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t simply walk away from him, not anymore. So why not do like Bonnie and Damon? Couldn’t we remain close friends? I chew on my lip absent-mindedly. Do I even want us to be friends? I thought we were–

“Peace of mind and safety should come from within before coming from someone else. Once you’ve reversed the balance, you’re free to be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna stay friends, stay friends; if you wanna go back to hating his gut, do that; if you want something else… you fight for it and you never let go. But first, you need to fight for yourself.”

            I nod, processing his words and thinking them over.

 “I heard you were considering taking the cure to vampirism. Is that you going after what you want most and never letting go?” He squints and gives me a sideway glance.

“How in the hell do you know about that?”

“Girls talk,” I tell him.

            One of the main topics when I got to meet up with Elena and Caroline was how Bonnie brought back a version of the cure to vampirism from 1903 and gave it to Damon, so he could offer it to Elena. Their relationship is now all about her possibly taking the cure someday, and him taking it with her, in order to share a happy, normal, mortal life together. If that isn’t the cutest love story, what is?

“As a matter of fact, it is. And do you know what I did before making this literally life-changing decision?”

“You fought for yourself.”

“Exactly. Which you need to do. Every day of your life. You are your greatest cause, Andy. Never forget that.”

“Damon Salvatore, since when do you have so much wisdom?”

“Since I’ve realized I can’t wait for Elena or Bonnie to save me from myself. Only _I_ can be my own redeemer.”

I nod, impressed.

“Will you let me know if or when you take the cure?”

“I’ll keep you posted.”

            He gives me a wink and I don’t press for more information; I know what it’s like to try and figure things out for yourself before being able to voice them for other people. Which brings my thoughts back, as always, to the K-word. Can I seriously get a break from missing him? Please? Cause I know it’s part of the process and blah blah blah but… it’s kinda getting old; and pathetic.

            Damon and I walk around campus for a while. We mostly talk about my progress on the long and difficult road to coming back to 2013, and I tell him I’ll be going back to school on Monday. It won’t be that long until finals now, I might as well make an effort and thrive.

When his phone rings, signaling Bonnie is waiting for him, he gently squeezes my elbow before joining her. I watch him go and breathe in, sipping my cold brew and smiling. I do have good friends.

             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I'm posting tomorrow's chapter tonight because I'll be leaving early in the morning to catch my train. I'll be spending a few days with my family, away from busy and touristy Paris, and I'm super excited! Not sure I'll be back by Wednesday, but I'll definitely be back by next Saturday, so bear with me in my absence ;)   
> What about you? Any fun plans? ^_^
> 
> What did you think of this one? I never thought Andy's loss of confidence would be this deep, you know. I thought she'd be shaken, but a prison world does mess with you I guess (it certainly messed with Bonnie), and after two months of feeling powerless and trapped 24/7 , I understand that the feeling is stiking around. Especially when her only landmark is going away on a coven mission. Hopefully, she'll feel better soon!  
> And extra points to Damon Salvatore for being this clearsighted and supportive in his on way haha.  
> What about you? How do you feel about all this?


	48. Chapter 48

Forty-eight

 

            My eyes flicker down and settle back on Jo’s belly. Her pregnancy is barely starting to show, but I can’t take my eyes off this soft, tiny Gemini Light, just like a normal person can’t take their eyes off a kitten or a puppy. This Light, a new shade of Gemini, somehow composed of Jo’s and Alaric’s, lazily twirls around and dances, fluctuating between two shades like it can’t decide. It’s fascinating.

“You’re doing that again.”

I raise an inquiring look to her blue eyes and she has this tense smile.

“Doing what?”

“You’re staring at my belly like you can already see that cute little baby smiling at you, while all I can see is fat.”

“Sorry,” I chuckle. “Your baby’s Light is, like, the cutest thing _ever_. And it hasn’t settled yet, it shimmers and goes from one shade to another.”

“What does that mean? Can you tell whether it’s a boy or a girl by looking at its Light?”

I open my mouth but she holds a hand to stop me. “No! Don’t tell me. I want it to be a surprise. I think. At least, I want Rick to be here when I hear it.”

“I can’t _tell_ ,” I smile, rolling my eyes. She instantly calms down and looks around: our booth is the further one in the whole diner, I don’t think anybody heard us talking about baby’s Lights. The first time she caught me staring, she said it was bringing back childhood stories about Lightbringers and how she thought my people basically ate little witches. She laughed heartily when seeing the blasé look I gave her when hearing that.  

I just love how her laugh breaks the silence. It’s one of these sounds I’ve been missing without even knowing. “Have you guys been thinking about names?” I ask her.

“Orh, don’t ask,” she says, waving the question away. “I feel like _all_ of my conversations with Alaric are about names. Or the wedding.”

“Fair enough,” I nod. “So I guess I don’t get to ask about the wedding either.”

“I’ll give you this: Rick and I have talked in the past few days and we came to the conclusion that we can’t postpone forever. Let’s be real: there’s always going to be some supernatural crisis to get in the way of the perfect day, so we – I mean, _I_ – need to accept that it’s not going to be perfect, but it’s our life, it’s messy and we love it like that. Caroline offered to help me plan, so I think it’s back on track.”

“Sweet,” I smile.

“I only need to get Liv to return my phone calls,” she winces. “We’re not that close but… she’s my sister. I’d like her to be my maid of honor.”

“Give her some time, she’ll come around.”

            Jo reaches for my hand on the table and I hold hers. I’m sure she was supposed to be the one reassuring me when she suggested we went for a snack; it’s funny to see how I’m the one who ended up reassuring her. “And you know what? Perfect day or not, I shall use all my witch-given speed and strengths and God-knows-what to keep your special day from going _anywhere_ near messy. It’ll be grand.”

She gives me this sweet smile and my heart rises to my throat. It felt like I was seeing Luke for a second. And she looks so much like Liv, and Kai as well. I breathe in and smile back. Parkers are everywhere in my head and in my heart; how do I recover from that?

“I’ve been meaning to ask you…” She trails off, cautious, and I nod her to continue, taking a sip. “I don’t mean to pry – well, I’m totally prying, to be honest – but… are you and Kai together?”

            Coffee spills out of my mouth and through my nose; I hold a hand to cover the uncontrollable coughs and grab a napkin to wipe it all off, and she helps me clean the table.

“Wow,” she comments, “sensitive subject.”

“Um… Huh.” I look down at my coffee and fiddle with my mug, chewing on my lip while I try to come up with something to say to that – anything, really. I mean, I don’t even do boyfriends, it shouldn’t be that hard to answer, right?

A smile ends up stretching her lips; my embarrassment must be oh-so-funny to her. “No,” I finally answer, “we are not– not together.”

            I can’t even meet her eyes and I hate that my palms are getting all sweaty. I was really trying _not_ to think of him here.

“But you would like that,” she guesses, and I swear to God, if I were the blushing type, my cheeks would be lobster red by now. I nervously tug a strand of hair behind my ear. Okay, how do I make this not sound ridiculous and twisted? “It’s fine, you know,” she tells me. “I’m not saying that I understand how you went from hating his gut to… whatever this is,” she says, gesturing to my obvious reaction, “but I’ve seen you two together; in both centuries. I know you guys got close, somehow, and I’m not judging or anything.”

“You don’t… hate me at the prospect,” I say, skeptical.

“I’m not Liv,” she simply states. “I can’t really blame you for whom you like. It’s not something we get to choose.” I chew on her words and she tilts her head. “So, do you? Want to be with Kai?”

“Um… I’m not entirely sure what I want? I mean, we were definitely going somewhere in 1903 and then… he got out and I didn’t, and he became my only source of comfort during the twelve days, and now we’re here and it’s not just the two of us anymore and I… don’t know what he wants or what we could… And it’s not like we had time to actually talk before he left, so…”

            I trail off and rub the back of my neck – a habit of his. Somehow, I can’t wait for him to be back and at the same time, my stomach wrings with apprehension at the mere idea.

“Did he cast a spell on you?” Jo asks, faking seriousness, and I let out a nervous laugh.

“I mean, just… picture yourself in a deserted world. You’re all alone and the only man left on earth is this… this… hot, tormented witch who’s basically built like a demi-god and who takes eye sex to a whole other level.”

“Someone has been thinking with her pants,” she mocks.

“You have no idea. And I mean, he can cook, that’s definitely a plus.” Keep it light, girl. Even with an open mind, Jo wouldn’t understand. How could she? To her he’s still the devil wearing the face of her brother. How do I explain to her I’ve been falling kinda hard for him? I don’t.

“I hadn’t realized cooking skills and eye sex were enough for you to go head first for someone.”

            I avert my gaze, biting on my lip to hide a growing smile that shines all the way to my eyes. If it were only that… I mean, of course I find him attractive, I did the first day I met him. But I didn’t have a problem staying away and despising him when I found out who he was; it’s only when I got to know him, really know him, that this attraction came back and grew. I’m attracted to his looks _and_ to the person he is; it’s the sum of it all that makes him irresistible in my eyes.

“He gets me,” I simply say, my eyes and smile dreamy as can be. “Like, really gets me. We can have the most profound conversations or joke around like nothing matters. He’s… thoughtful, and kind, and he makes me laugh.”

“Do you think I’ll ever get to see it?” she asks, suddenly not joking anymore, and I look up at her, “whatever good you see in him?”

            She rests a hand over her belly and I can’t miss the shimmer of concern in her eyes.

“I probably shouldn’t be the only one you talk to about this,” I carefully say, “because I’m obviously biased; but Jared has been in touch with him. And believe it or not, my brother-in-law is not first lieutenant for no reason. He gets how people work, and the fact that he actually _left_ while Kai was around and free should be a pretty strong clue on how much he trusts him to be a good witch and a good leader. I’m not saying his façade attitude will change, because it probably won’t, but I’m pretty sure that if you accept to just– give it a look, you’ll see how committed he is to doing better.”

            She processes my words and I see a whole bunch of emotions crossing her face. My phone rings and that’s what interrupts her thinking. I simply look to turn it off at first, but then I frown. Enzo St-John. That’s unusual. “Hello?”

“Andy, darling,” his British accent greets me politely. “Is it safe for you to talk?”

“Depends. I’m with Jo.”

“Wonderful. Please, keep a smile on this beautiful face of yours. We wouldn’t want to scare the pregnant lady, now, would we?” I sense the crisis coming, but manage to keep a neutral expression. Across from me, Jo is watching my every reaction.

“What’s up with you?” I politely ask.

“Remember when you said I could call you if I ever found myself in need of a Lighter?”

“Lightbringer,” I correct.

“Whatever. I need you to be my girl.”

 

            Half an hour later, Enzo, Matt and I are in the latter’s car, spying Lily Salvatore as she exits a bar right outside McKinley.

“What am I looking at?” I ask, lowering the binocular.

“Wait for it,” the vampire says, nodding me to keep watching. I roll my eyes but comply, watching more clients coming in and out before freezing when I see it.

“ _Who_ is that?” I ask, not leaving this girl out of my sight, as she exits the bar and goes for a different direction.

“It’s fascinating,” Enzo comments, “how you can tell who’s a witch at first sight.”

“Witch police,” I say, pointing a finger at my face. “It’s kind of the whole point.”

“You guys,” Matt interrupts us, “she’s leaving; do we follow her?”

“Obviously,” Enzo answers him. “She and Andy need to have a little chat.”

“What?” I jerk up. “No, no way. I’m not letting any other witch know about my clan. I’m not supposed to be interfering in witch business.”

“Nonsense, you said you were the police.”

“I’m more like secret services. I only get to intervene when _extreme_ circumstances arise.”

“Extreme circumstances?” he repeats. “How about this: Lily didn’t like much that her sons rescued _you_ from 1903 without helping her friends out–”

“Because they’re heretic Gemini killers,” I grit, catching the handle when Matt takes a rather abrupt bend.

“Precisely,” Enzo points out. “Now, we’re not here to discuss how much you like Gemini killers,” he gives me a satisfied smile as I shoot him a look, “but Lily is determined to get them all out. She’s been reaching out to witches, telling them how dangerous-Kai Parker, freshly escaped from his prison world, trapped her innocent friends in his place because they were trying to stop his newest evil schemes.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s not, but when these little witches do their research and find out about a certain mass murder that took place in Oregon eighteen years ago, they might agree to help her. You’d find yourself with six augmented witches to deal with; do you see how fast this could end up being your problem?” I chew on his words and look throughout the window. The witch just entered a bookshop, I don’t have much time to decide what to do.

“Look, I can’t jump into this without talking to Jared first; I’m not doing that anymore. Why don’t _you_ go?”

“I’m not exactly the trustworthy type,” he dodges. “And if Lily hears I went ahead and shot down her attempts at getting her family back, she’ll shut me out completely.”

            We hold gaze for a moment, thinking, until we both turn our faces to Matt.

 

            By the time I come back to my suite, I’m incredibly tired. Is it just me or does spying on witches get really old? I mean, I knew I didn’t want to spend my entire life monitoring them but damn, retiring has never felt so appealing. I’m not sure I have it in me to hunt for another ten years before taking a regular job as a personal trainer at the family company.

I close the door behind me, and my eyes land on Tina. Sweet, innocent Tina, who hugged me for entire minutes when I offered her this original copy of _Macbeth_ that I brought back from 1903. I pull her in for a hug, and though she is surprised at first, because I never used to hug my suitemates so easily before, she hugs me back.

“Bad day?” she inquires.

“Bad year,” I retort and she chuckles, causing me to smile. We stay like that for a moment and she gently pats my back. When we enter the kitchen side by side, Jess looks up from her cooking and gives me the widest smile.

“Sweet, you’re back! I let your boyfriend wait in your room, I hope that’s okay.” I tense at that.

“Did he say ‘boyfriend’?” Tina asks, frowning as she tries to remember.

“Not exactly, but he can be _my_ boyfriend if Andy doesn’t want him.” They chuckle and I discreetly reach for a knife.

“Jess,” I say slowly, “who did you let in my room?” Their smiles vanish from their faces. They know I don’t usually bring guys over, but what they don’t know is how many dangerous people I know on this campus and beyond. I need to get them out of here before I go in. Jess frowns, glancing toward my room.

“You know,” she says, uneasy at my defiance, “tall, blue eyes, cute as hell.” My heart jumps in my chest as I instantly picture who could match this description. Or it could be Damon. Please, don’t be Damon.

“Tina’s right, actually,” a voice says behind me. “I didn’t say ‘boyfriend’.” There is a beat of tension, as the girls wait for my reaction, and I turn around, taking him in. Kai is here, casually leaning against the wall, playfully smiling at me. He’s here. “Hi.”

“You’re back,” I let out in a breath.

            His smile widens and I let go of the knife, striding to him for a hug. His arms wrap around me and he holds me tight, burying his face in my hair, and I hear him breathe in. I close my eyes and do the same. It’s like a weight just left my chest and I can finally breathe properly. This is not just the process Damon was describing; it can’t be.

            We don’t even say anything, we just hold on to each other for the longest time, quietly filling the emptiness that settled in our chests until our heartbeats agree to calm down. Then, he pulls back to look at me, biting his lip and shaking his head to himself, and I’m pretty sure to be candidly mirroring his devotion when I gaze at him as well, but I don’t care. I take his hand and lead him back to my room, completely oblivious to my suitemates.

            I close the door with my foot and lunge for his lips, lifting my heels for better access to his mouth; my heart pounds against his chest and I let my hands travel in his dark hair. Kai kisses me back with equal fervor and my capacity to think zeroes to his mouth on mine, to his large hands widely caressing my body and wandering in my hair, right on the back of my neck, and pulling me closer, always closer to him. It feels like we haven’t kissed in a million years, and I’ll never get enough of him.

He manages to slow down our impetuosity, giving me long and delicious, languid kisses that resonate deep inside, drawing to the surface a vulnerability that scares me, and yet I wouldn’t stop for the world; I want them all to last forever. It’s like we’re back in 1903: it’s cozy and pleasant and heady, but now it’s safe.

“I’ve missed that,” he smiles against my lips.

            I smile as well, unable to formulate a proper sentence as he pecks my cheek, my chin, my throat. God, I want that. Please, never stop kissing me. He chuckles against my skin and my eyes shoot open. Did I say it aloud? He finally rests his forehead on mine, caressing my cheek with his thumb, and I close my eyes, reveling in the sound of us breathing heavily. He’s with me. We’re fine.

“How did it go?” I ask.

He closes his eyes and exhales; his breath brushes my mouth and for a second, I can’t focus on anything else.

“I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”

“Okay.” His thumb strokes my lip and I kiss it.

“How are you feeling?”

“Turned on.”

“Andy,” he calls almost sternly, unable to hold back a smile. I know what he meant.

“Better,” I murmur, before swallowing with difficulty. “Sometimes, I just…” I trail off and bite my lip; what is wrong with me?

“Tell me,” he whispers, holding me so close nothing is ever going to happen to me again.

“Is it crazy that sometimes, when there are a lot of people around or when there is a lot of noise in a room, I wish I could go back there? Like, not forever, but just for a moment, just until it all calms down.”

“You’re not crazy. It happened to me when I was away, I… We got used to seeing a lot less people, it’ll just take us time to get used to the real world again.”

            I nod, lowering my gaze. Is it that bad that I want to go back so that it can be just the two of us again? I mean, no one could get to us, back there. Or maybe those dangerous heretics, but it would be the two of us against this one threat. Out here, anyone can get to us. I don’t even know where the next threat is going to come from. I feel unprepared and–

“Does something else bother you?”

“I…” my voice abandons me. Does something bother me? I’m not sure. I mean, a lot of things feel out of the ordinary right now, mostly because what’s ordinary has changed a lot lately. Damon’s words come back to me, flooding my mind in such a scary way I don’t even want to think about them.

I caress Kai’s shoulders, his chest, drawing so much peace and comfort from the way he stands against me. I don’t want this to be part of some return process. I want this to be real, for as long as it can last. I guess there’s no going back. “I think I’m really into you.”

There, I’ve said it. I stop breathing after uttering these words, because it’s actually not something I say very often – or ever –, and I’m not really comfortable with putting this big piece of me out there, but signals of relief spread through me as his blue eyes and the lines of his face soften, making him the personification of tenderness.

“I know,” he says, his voice so soft it’s not even arrogant of him. “You’re very cute when you’re out of your water.” I can’t prevent clenching my jaw; is he making fun of me?

“Am I,” I grit, which only makes his smile stretch, and he kisses my lips, too briefly to content me.

“You are,” he assures before another kiss, “very much out of your water. And very cute. And adorable. And sexy. And beautiful. Beautiful in all the ways possible.” He kisses me again, softly, and I never want to part from his lips. All fears disappear with his arms around me and the brush of his mouth on mine; I could very well take on the world right now, I’d be strong enough, I’m always strong enough. That’s when I briefly realize that I don’t need him to make me strong, I _am_ strong; he simply reminds me of it. The thought doesn’t stick for long, it happily dissolves among all the positive, heartwarming thoughts that cross my mind at the moment, but it’s there.

            We end up holding gaze, a cheeky light dancing in his, and I’m immediately back to where I was. Right. So, I’m into him. I’ve said that. I open my mouth and need a second breath to speak – there’s no going back, Andy.

“So… do you mind?” Could you sound even less confident, woman? His smile slightly stretches.

“I think the real question is: do _you_ mind?” I shake my head No, and he inhales deeply, bending down to brush my nose with his and drop a kiss at the corner of lips. “Good. Cause now that I’m allowed to kiss you, I might never stop.” Hell yes to that! Where do I sign? He smiles to me before gently ravishing my mouth again, and the taste of his kisses has never been so soothing. I don’t think I’ll be able to simply stop kissing him anytime soon. Is that normal? Is it how it’s supposed to be? Cause what if it’s just temporary?

“What’s wrong?”

“What?”

“Your hands are shaking.” He’s right. I grip his jacket more tightly until it stops. I don’t like how fast I can switch from safe and well, to scared and worried. What is _wrong_ with me? “Talk to me, Andy.” I search his eyes for answers, but all I can find is concern and softness.

“Damon said…” I clear my throat but don’t continue. All I can focus on is the grip of my hands on the fabric of his jacket, the need to keep him close before I lose him again. Aren’t I a bit too dependent on him regarding my well-being? Cause I don’t like that. At all.

“What did Damon say?” Softness, covering a tone of impatience and worry.

“He said that Bonnie and him also struggled being… apart from each other when they got back. He said…” I try to clear my head but for some reason, I can’t think properly. “Is it real? This. Because _you_ said you were trying to figure out when it’s real and I can’t… tell. I can’t. I mean, I thought it was but Damon said it’s normal, he said we’d still be looking out for each other but then it would all go away and…” I shrug, powerless. That’s what I am: utterly powerless. His chin slowly rises as he understands. My witch locks eyes with me and the longest time passes by before I get to hear his voice again.

“Do you want it to be real?” I nod, and he gives me this reassuring smile that calms me. “Okay. Then there’s nothing to worry about. As long as you want it, it’s real.”

“Is it real to you?”

“Yes.” His smile stretches to his eyes and I can’t look away. “You… are the only thing that’s real to me. I don’t want anything else to be real, I don’t need anything else. Just you. And my serenades.” I let out a short laugh and he kisses my lips, then my cheek. “We’re real, Andy. I promise.” I nod, more at peace than I have felt ever since he left. He’s right: we decide what’s real and what isn’t; not Damon and his own experience. “I’ve missed you,” he sighs, almost uncomfortable with having to voice it. “I couldn’t wait to see you… I’m sorry I left so abruptly, I should have waited.”

“It’s fine. You’re back.”

“I am. And I’m not going anywhere. Not without my own police officer to ensure my protection, that is. You’re gonna be my hostage,” he adds more lightly, which makes me smile.

“Actually, I kinda like that.”

“You do?”

“Hm-mm.”

“Sweet. Cause if I have the witch police on my side, I can get away with a lot of things.”

“I’m still supposed to assess you, you know. And I will.”

“Sure,” he snorts, “we know that’s just an excuse to check me out.” I playfully slap his chest and he laughs, before taking my hand a pressing a long kiss to my palm. I can’t help wondering whether this attachment is genuine or whether it’s because we still feel this need to rely on each other. It seems very authentic to me but… Wow, I can’t believe I’m questioning this kind of stuff.

“We’re so screwed,” I let out. He lifts his brow and I nod to my hand he’s still pressing against his cheek. “We’re supposed to be a badass witch hunter and an undefeatable coven leader, and I mean, look at us. I burst in tears on every occasion and you can’t go take care of your coven in peace.”

“To be fair, I wouldn’t place my coven and the word ‘peace’ in the same sentence.” I give him a weary look and he pecks my hand. “Second, we are still a badass witch hunter and a handsome, mega-powerful and undefeatable coven leader – you did just forget one or two of my main qualities but I forgive you, just don’t do it again. We’re just… you know, recovering.”

“Right,” I mock, shaking my head to myself.

“We’ll be just fine. And if not, we can create a whole new prison world and go on a vacation whenever.” My smile stretches and he drops a quick kiss on my lips before asking, “What’s that smile about?”

“We’re a ‘we’,” I say, remembering something he said to me on our first day in 1903.

“We are,” he confirms.

Kai closes his eyes and buries his face in the crook of my neck, a gesture that somehow feels more intimate than all the times we seriously made out against a wall. Am I as much a refuge to him as he seems to be to me? I like the idea, very much, though this prison world experience has seriously compromised our sanity. “What do you have planned for tonight?” he asks after a moment.

“You,” I say bluntly and he laughs, kissing my forehead.

“What _did_ you have planned for tonight?”

“Not much,” I say, yawning, “sorry. Homework, sleep, shower; not necessarily in that order.”

“Do you want me to stick around?” he asks, brushing my nose with his. I wrap my arms around his neck and peck his lips.

“Now that you’re back, Parker, I’m not leaving you out of my sight.”

“Good,” he smiles, and I bite his jaw. He closes his eyes, inhales.

“Andy, go take your shower,” he whispers.

“Do you wanna join?” I suggest. His grip tightens on my waist and he bites his lip.

“Go. Now.”

I give him the most tempting kiss I can manage and leave the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonsoir!   
> Here's a new chapter (I did stay away from this laptop for longer than I expected haha).   
> I hope you enjoyed this one! For me, I like the relationship Jo and Andy seem to be building. I never thought they'd get on so well when I started writing ^_^   
> Aaah and our Enzo seems to be in a mood to help Andy (probably to make up for that one time when he helped Lily get the ascendant for the MF team and prevented Andy's liberation without knowing. Deep down, we know he's a good guy).   
> And of course, my two favorite lovebirds and their reunion. Boy, they're so crazy for each other, I can't even haha! 
> 
> What did you think?


	49. Chapter 49

Forty-nine

 

            The girls don’t ask about my grin as I head straight to the bathroom. Me? Tired? Nope, not anymore. I take my shower in a daze, finally at peace. God, what is this man doing to me? I’m not one to get head over heels over a guy; I mean, I can be super attracted or even have a very serious crush, but this? This comes nowhere near anything I have ever experienced. To be fair, there is also the fact that I haven’t been with a guy in– _God_ , so long. My new name could be Frustration; and I know there’s no way I’m letting him leave this suite untouched, but _Gee_ , Andy, where is your dignity? And why do I not have anything sexier to wear than this garnet, mid-season pajamas? I sigh. I guess it’ll have to do.

Both Jess and Tina grin at me when I walk through our small living room; they have their jackets on and they’re preparing to leave.

“Hottie’s back in your room,” Jess says. “He went to his car get his things. Tina and I are hitting the _Salsa_ for tonight; we’ll be back as late as we can.”

“And tomorrow,” Tina adds, “we are definitely talking about him.”

“Seriously–”

“Don’t even try that with me, Moreau,” Jess stops me, pointing her finger at me. “I’ve never seen, heard or imagined you doing feelings, okay? I thought you were a damn robot and then I saw _dat hug_. We’re getting the detail tomorrow, there’s no escape for you.” She gives me a wink and casually throws one of her party pouches for me to catch.

“The hell?” She nods me to look inside, grinning even more. Condoms. “Good call,” I nod.

“I know,” she beams, “’night!” And the door closes behind them.

I head back to my room, strangely moved to find Kai lounging on my bed. It’s like him being here is normal.

“Bathroom is free if you want to use it.”

“I showered before driving here,” he says, looking up from his phone and eyeing me up and down. I purse my lips to repress a growing smile, enjoying very much how his eyes soften as he examines me. “You are a dream,” he says in a low voice, walking up to me. I easily wrap my arms around his neck, as his hands settle on my waist, and I lift my heels to purr in his ear, “Don’t get me started on my dreams; you’ve been starring in all of them lately.”

            Boy, do I love how his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows. I kiss him there and he shivers; he actually _shivers_.

“What homework do you have to get done?” his voice is low, distant, and his heartbeat is a bit faster against my chest.

“Reading assignment,” I say, kissing his jaw, his chin, his jaw again. “Two chapters on the creation of the EU and two more for my Occult Studies class.”

“We should… definitely get that out of the way.”

“Hm-mm.” I let my hands wander on his chest and start pushing his jacket off.

“Okay,” he snaps back into reality, taking a step back and pinching the bridge of his nose. “You don’t get to come anywhere near me until you’re done with your chapters.”

“Congrats, Parker,” I chuckle. “You just made me a college-dropout.”

“You’re not dropping out.”

“Well, I refuse to focus on anything but you tonight.” I give him a suggestive smile and he looks away, his cheeks coloring.

“Gee, you’re good at this,” he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Practice.” He frowns.

“I’m not sure I like that.”

“Oh, you’ll like it,” I assure, pecking his lips, then grabbing said book from my desk. I sit down on my bed and pat the spot next to me, tilting my head.

“You are the devil.”

“I thought I was a death angel,” I say, acting innocent.

“You are getting yourself in a lot of trouble, officer,” he warns before grabbing his bag and leaving to change.

            As soon as Kai comes back, my mind leaves twentieth-century Europe, the outcome of World War II and anything related to that. Sorry, Churchill, De Gaulle and all o’ya blokes, I’m just more into someone else at the moment.

He gestures me to switch on the night table lamp, then he switches off the main one. The intimate, approximate-night atmosphere definitely gets me in the mood as he settles down on my bed and I snuggle against him, happier than ever when he passes an arm around me. I rest my back against his chest and try to get to the bottom of this chapter – you can _at least_ do that, Andy – but he presses kisses near my hear and starts languidly stroking my waist, my hips, my thighs; my body immediately heats up. I clear my throat.

“I’m trying to read, here.”

“You started it,” he complains. “And you smell so good.” I close my eyes, letting him trail open-mouthed kisses in my neck, aware of every inch of skin that he touches. “You always smell so good,” he purrs in my ear, “but it’s enhanced with the shower and– how am I supposed to resist you?”

“You’re not.”

I turn my face and we share the deepest kiss, one that strikes right through my chest and sends my heart racing for him. It’s not rushed, though we’ve wanted this for so long; it’s slow and sweet and full of a tenderness that worries me, somewhere in the back of my mind, but I don’t want him to ever stop kissing me; it matters too much when he does.

We lazily make out in the quiet of my room, no snowstorm outside to keep us anchored to the world, no enemy lurking, only our mouths and our sighs playing in our ears, over and over again, like it’s never gonna end. It’s actually the first time that we get to do that without having to worry about the outside world; it’s just us, as it should be, and we’re invincible. Everywhere he touches sets me ablaze and I end up throwing the book to the floor and cupping his face to keep him close.

“Back to reading,” he says, abruptly ending our kiss.

“There’s no point,” I object, biting his lip. “It’s not gonna stick.”

“Time for bed, then.” He swiftly reaches for the lamp and switches the light off, holding me too tight for me to move, and nuzzling in my hair. “Goodnight.”

Uh. What? I frown for a moment, speechless. Is he actually, seriously expecting me to sleep right now? I kiss my way to his mouth with difficulty and it’s like he _wants_ to kiss me back – his hands definitely want to wander under my top – but he doesn’t want to. Are you playing hard to get, Kai Parker? “You smell like raspberries,” he sighs, kissing the nape of my neck and I actually think I did it, I managed to make him give in, but he slows down once more and finds a way to stop and settle me in his arms. What is going on here?

“Kai?” I end up calling.

“Hm-mm?”

“We’re in the twenty-first century.”

“We are.”

“Someday in the future… could be now.”

“Not tonight, Andy.” He sounds almost bored but I can tell it’s fake. He wants me to think that he’s bored, he wants me to think he doesn’t want to, even though at this point he has no chance to succeed.

“Why not?”

“Just– not tonight. Get some sleep.” I frown but don’t pressure him. Andy Frustration Moreau.

 

*****

 

            It is weird to think now that the following weeks were one of the most stable times of my life? Not that all of my problems were fixed, by any means, but I was not alone to deal with them anymore. I didn’t need Jared to _know_ what I could and could not do regarding clan’s rules, but knowing that our alliance with the Gemini insured we provided some help when needs be, he was the one to tell me what I _could_ and _could not_ do regarding that. Besides, I had the Mystic gang to help me and take the steps that I couldn’t. For example: I was not allowed to go talk to all these witches Lily Salvatore was trying to enlist into freeing her friends, which is why Enzo and I kept looking out for them, and trustworthy-human Matt Donovan would be the one to interact with them and let them know that Lily’s agenda wasn’t the most honest of them all.

            I was taking part without taking part; gathering with them and brainstorming over problems, but I wouldn’t physically act unless absolutely necessary. I think that was a good balance, one that made me useful but not too involved, somehow; one that made witch-spying life less dull and lonely than it’d been before.

I also started going back to class and, though it was difficult to follow sometimes, I could count on my professors and on my friends to help me dive back in. When I was not in class or catching up on what I’d missed, and when I was not following witches around, I would usually be working at the bar, where it became easier each day to resume talking to people and being in rhythm with the world.

            And then, finals came around – too quickly to my liking. I obviously didn’t have time to work on everything in depth, but since I had very little to do in British Lit, I could try and learn as much as possible in other classes. Again, Rick and Stefan helped a lot with that, and though I knew I wouldn’t get mind-blowing scores on all those final tests, there was still a chance of at least passing them.

            Apart from work, school and watching witches, there was also time with my friends. Before 1903, I’d been this ally that was sort-of-a-friend-but-not-exactly and now, the relationship I shared with them all was entirely different. It was deeper, somehow; real. I was systematically invited to any party or event Elena, Caroline and Bonnie would go to, and I’d make sure Liv would tag along as well, but they would also turn to me individually to spend time and talk, and not just about supernatural problems, mind you. On the whole, we were closer, but just like my relationship with Liv had become a bit odd, my ties with Bonnie seemed to have come a bit loose as well.

Not that we didn’t like each other anymore, but I’m pretty sure that the mere idea of me and Kai being… something, whatever we were, didn’t sit well with either of them. I didn’t mean to hurt them by seeking the company of the one who’d hurt them so much, but I didn’t know what else to do. I mean, if I were to tell Bonnie to take her distance from Damon, she’d probably tell me where I could shove my distance. She knew what it was, to present a united front against loneliness and fear, so she didn’t openly criticize me for it, but I could tell that there was an implicit wall between us, and I wasn’t sure how to overcome it. But then, the united front thing  definitely wasn’t the only reason why I was drawn to him, which we never really got to talk about. There were a lot of taboos when we got together for a girls night – no talking about Stefan, no talking about Elena possibly taking the cure, and obviously no talking about Kai. Which left the usual gossip, and Jo and Rick’s upcoming wedding.

            I tried not to push Liv too much on her relationship with Jo, because even though they were sisters, the latter had run away from the coven and hadn’t exactly been there to watch Liv grow. Things were tense between the two, especially with Jo trying to get closer to Liv and, well, Liv being Liv, aka, retreating as far from her as possible. I became a sort of buffer between them, letting Liv know about Jo and about our secret plans for her bachelorette party, and becoming the substitute sister Jo needed, which I didn’t mind, because I kinda needed a sister as well.

She would always relax when I entered the room and I think she was becoming more and more aware of how defenseless she was in this area full of supernaturals, with no powers to protect her and her baby if anything were to happen; and sensing that, I implicitly became her bodyguard. As for Rick, he was grateful to me for that, and always careful that I wouldn’t burn myself out with all that was going on. I’m pretty sure Jared was in touch with him as well and this protective-big-brother spirit became contagious because of him. I didn’t mind though; it somehow felt like we’d started building our own clan.

Damon, Bonnie and I had this special understanding, because we’d been through the same prison-world kind of nightmare, and though our experiences had been different, there were these glances and encouraging smiles that we would share when seeing one another twitch at some subtle, insidious reminder. It was different with Kai, because Bonnie didn’t want to have anything to do with him – and we can’t blame her – but Damon and him were not necessarily prone to sharing deep feelings; they’d rather have a drink and joke about whatever made them uncomfortable, which was one way of dealing with it.

And of course, there was Kai and me. After a few days of settling down and somehow talking about any important subject _but_ us, I started feeling less and less like I needed to be near him all the time. I mean, I didn’t grow disinterested or anything, but I was able to actually take some healthy distance and realize once and for all that I didn’t need him to hold my hand all day in order for me to be safe. I was strong and powerful, I didn’t need him to look out for me anymore because I _was_ enough for my own survival. And that alone was incredibly liberating. Cheers to Damon Salvatore’s wisdom.

The mending of my mind was one thing, but I was glad it didn’t interfere anymore with what Kai and I had. And if anything, growing out of this unhealthy need for each other made things even more real between us, which would have normally worried me if it’d been anyone else, but at this point, I was deeply attached to our connivance and our codes and our rituals. None of us was in a rush to put a label on it, but I actually wouldn’t have minded using the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’. I know, I know, it’s not my thing, but it honestly didn’t feel like a big deal; the very thought of it simply brought this silly smile to my lips, which I don’t think was a bad sign.

We’d still get together each night; first, at my suite and then more and more often at his place, in order to watch this movie that was on his twenty-first century list, or for a Mario Kart competition on his brand new Wii. We kept it light; he’d come by my suite when heading out of the gym in the evening, or we’d meet for lunch during my break, and none of us would show any will to leave until Life would call us back to our obligations, which would regularly lead to lingering goodbyes and last minute stolen kisses that we were always reluctant to end.

We didn’t spend our days together but seeing him slowly bloom out of his guilt and past when we were together was pure joy to me. Getting more involved with running the coven and with Damon and the Mystic gang did him some good as well. He wasn’t on his own, brooding over what he’d done wrong, he was out there, helping and having good times with people.

Spending time with him was now easy and natural, it felt like we’d brought back from 1903 only the good moments, the fun and the songs, the laughs and the sharing, the trust and the next-to-unconditional support. Because we were a team. We were not officially together, I guess, but we were real; and having his undivided attention was enough. And though there were slips and hot make-out sessions on his couch or against the fridge, he always made sure we didn’t take it further, which was very frustrating, but somehow necessary to him so I didn’t push; much. Despite that, one of the best part of my days was when we’d go to bed holding hands and I would fall asleep in his arms.

 

*********

 

_**McKinley, Virginia – late May 2013** _

           

            I lock the car and look at my phone when it starts ringing. Kai Parker.

“I was just thinking of you,” I greet him.

“Of course, you were.”

I roll my eyes in amusement: I can hear in his voice that he’s smiling. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good. Singing club, then work, then studying session. I can’t wait to be done with finals.”

“One more to go, officer. Then you’ll be free and we can celebrate.”

“Exactly,” I nod. “What about you?”

“Weekly phone call with Jared, to make sure I’m still perfect, and he says hi. More exciting news: I talked over the phone with this guy in California; you know, the one with the high tech company that’s working on IA.”

“The one you wanted to invest in with all this dormant money coming from renting apartments?”

“The very one. I am now a happy share-holder, and he has all of these crazy space projects… I can’t wait to tell you about them.” My smile only grows when hearing his excitement. There is this innocence in his voice and in the lines of his face when he gets passionate or even interested about something, it’s so genuine and heartfelt that he looks like a child with big shiny eyes; and every time I see him being transparently amazed by something, my heart only grows bigger.

“You know I rarely understand a thing when you talk hard science.”

“But it’s the fu-ture,” he happily argues. “And it’s happening now! You have no idea how insane twenty-first century science is. It’s basically science-fiction from my childhood becoming real.”

“You’re such a nerd,” I mock.

“Well, you can talk, miss Brit Lit.” I stop in front of the building at the very moment he steps out. “Anyway, I’m heading out of the gym, do you…” He trails off when seeing me, and I absolutely love how his entire face lights up.

“Surprise,” I smile. We hang up and walk the few feet that separate us. I take in his sportswear and the large bag hanging on his shoulder before he gently pulls me in for one of these long kisses that I waited for all day.

I can’t tell how much I enjoy giving in to this exquisite yearning in my chest, and even more so when he loses all sense of restraint during our steamy moments. I could spend hours kissing him, caressing his biceps, his chest–

“Easy, tiger, we’re in the middle of the street.” This amused and satisfied light dancing in his eyes makes me want to slap him. I don’t retort anything about how he won’t allow us to go further when we’re _not_ in the middle of the street, knowing this would only kill the mood. I only fake a smile to cover my impatience, which he notices, since he immediately kisses me again. You shall not get away with these half-bribes, Parker, you should know that. Though I’ll take said half-bribe anyway. “I really like it when you come and surprise me,” he smiles against my lips.

“I know you do.” I caress his shoulders, not even repulsed by the sweat that covers his skin and stains his top. “Is shower in a option, Mr. Parker?” I mock.

“I should have come earlier: there’s a long line to get to the showers. It’s like all the students in McKinley come at the same time.”

“Arh, students.”

“Right?” he goes along. “I’ll shower at home.”  

“While you do that, how about I order at the Indian restaurant you like?”

My witch slightly squints at me, suspicious.

“You want to choose tonight’s movie, don’t you?”

“We _have_ to watch Fight Club.” I mean, we _have_ to.

“If you say so,” he gives in with a shrug, before bending down to kiss me–

“Andy, hi!” Our heads whip toward the cheerful voice; Steven is walking in our direction, his own sports bag hanging on his shoulder. “I haven’t seen you in… forever!” Oh wow. Is it me or does he feel… I don’t know, very far away right now? Like he’s someone from a different lifetime.

I look at him and I remember liking him and being attracted to him in the past, but now? I don’t know, it’s like any interest for him has faded. All there is now is the man holding me; the one who manages to make me laugh, and feel adored, and looked after without hovering; the one who can move me with one look or one touch, the one who reminds me of my strengths and who lets me be his rock when he’s vulnerable.

“Yeah… we’ve been out of town for some time,” I cautiously answer. Still standing against me, Kai snorts at my words and I nudge him, before fully turning to Steven, naturally leaning back against my witch’s chest. “How have you been?”

“Doing good, you know.” He turns a friendly smile to my witch. “Kai, right? How’s it going?”

“Going well,” Kai nods, distractedly caressing my hip.

“We were talking about you the other day,” Steven tells me. “We’re having a massive party after finals, with Lindsay, Toby and Jess. You guys should come!” A breath of affection towards Steven overtakes me. I remember how weird it was the first time he saw me with Kai – well, things were… _quite_ different – but the way he simply smiles at him and naturally includes him, as if it were normal that we would show up at a party together, no questions asked… it warms my heart.

“Text me the details and we’ll think about it,” I nod. I wave back when he leaves us and enters the gym, and I don’t get to see Kai’s lingering eyes on him, but I don’t need to: I know him. “If you stare longer, I’m gonna realize you were considering turning him into a frog just now.”

“I would _never_ turn Steven into a frog,” he exclaims, faking indignation. “I was thinking about a cute toad!” I lift a skeptical eyebrow at him when turning around and he draws me closer to him, his hands caressing my waist and securing me against him in a somewhat possessive way, which I secretly very much enjoy. “And I would obviously wait for the massive party to do it; bigger audience.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” I lift my heels and hang my arms around his neck, hoping to appease the fast beating of his heart, though utterly satisfied with his reaction, however conscious it might be.

“Of course I’ll go. If you jump, I jump, Jack.”

I snort, brushing the back of his neck until softness and tenderness settle back in his eyes.

“You can’t just quote Titanic on every occasion.”

“Of course, I can. I just did.”

“As long as you don’t cry over it again…”

“Hey, that was Luke’s emotions crying over it, not mine.”

I snort again.

“Sure.”

He’s about to object but I silence him with a kiss and he certainly doesn’t object to that.  

“Right… I mean… one or two tears may have been mine,” he admits in a dreamy voice when I put an end to it, which I absolutely love. “What’s that smile about?”

“It’s real,” I simply say. His own smile stretches, and he kisses me again.

 

*******

 

            Liv abruptly brakes in front of the Salvatore house and I grip the handle.

“That wasn’t necessary.”

“Come on,” she says. “That was my emergency-parking skid.”

“Yeah, we need to work on that,” I tease, which makes her snort.

“Shut up.” She can’t hold an amused smirk though, and neither can I. She picked me up after my French exam – the last one, thank goodness – and we went straight to Mystic Falls. We enter the house without ringing – we’re allowed to do that when there is an emergency for some reason – and step into the living room, where Damon, Bonnie, Stefan, Enzo, Matt and Kai are standing, all looking like they could use a five-minute break from arguing.

“That’s a big gathering,” I comment as no one greets us.

            It almost looks like my entire ‘Mystic Gang’ list of contacts is in this room, save for a couple of them; I think Elena and Caroline have another exam this afternoon. Some tense faces finally turn to me, acknowledging our presence. Liv focuses her inquiring looks on Bonnie, knowing the Bennett witch probably isn’t overjoyed to be in the same room as Kai either, while Kai and I share a glance; it’s brief and silent. The lines of his face smoothen, his shoulders loosen, and he straightens up.

“We need to find a solution to this problem,” he tells Damon, calmly, seriously.

“This _problem_ ,” the vampire retorts, “is my mother. I’m willing to listen to any reasonable solution you have to offer.”

“Has something happened with Lily?” I ask, and Enzo turns to me.

“She found out that Matt was interfering between her and her witches. She got angry, nearly killed him and vanished.”

“Thanks for the help, by the way,” Matt groans, reaching a hand to his healed neck.

“I couldn’t openly step out and save you while she was there,” the vampire retorts. “And don’t complain; I saved you in time. I could have left you to die and it would be one less human thorn in our foot.” Damon slightly nods to that, while Matt winces with despise but doesn’t add anything.

“Bottom line is: she’s gonna be even more uncontrollable now,” Bonnie tells us. “We need to make sure she won’t find a way to get her heretics out.”

“Hence my suggestion to lock her up somewhere and lose the key,” Matt says. “I’m getting tired of cleaning mess after mess.”

            Kai and I share a glance. We’ve been thinking about the heretics a lot lately, wondering what to do about them. Of course, we don’t want to unleash witch-rippers onto the world, the Gemini records say they’ve killed _hundreds_ of people and we certainly don’t want to have to deal with all six of them at the same time, but on the other hand… neither of us is very comfortable keeping them locked. I mean, now that we’ve been there…

Besides, Kai can’t shake the idea that they probably turned their feelings off at some point. In a way, they’re just like him. But as long as there’s no way to make sure they won’t carelessly kill people around, we can’t simply let them out. We need an alternative.

“We’re not locking her up,” Damon grits. Bonnie and him share a glance, and I’m pretty sure they have their own opinion regarding imprisonment.

“Actually…” Stefan begins, thinking, “we might need to if she goes all ripper on this town.”

“Can you really picture yourself locking her up in the cellar, Stef?”

“It wouldn’t be ideal but it might come to that. I did it for you, you did it for me…”

“Other options, please?” Damon calls, pinching the bridge of his nose. Matt rolls his eyes, while Enzo and Kai exhale. The latter rubs his face, weary, and nods to himself.

“Okay, if you wanna wait for a bloodbath to take care of your mom, be my guest. In the meantime, we need to make sure she doesn’t free the heretics without us knowing.”

“I could destroy the ascendant?” Bonnie suggests, still not looking at Kai. “I’ve done it before.”

My pulse speeds up at that. Enzo, who is standing next to me, turns his face, examining me as Bonnie continues, “If she can’t use it, there won’t be any way for her to free them.”

“Actually, you’ve tried that before,” I say, and I can’t properly hear my voice with all that blood battling in my temples. “Seeing how it worked out, I think I’ll hold on to it.” Bonnie opens her mouth but doesn’t speak, slightly tilting her head before glancing at Kai. No one else seems to pay attention that he left _me_ in charge of the ascendants, which proves to what extents he trusts me.

“It could be the solution, though,” Liv tells me, risking a cautious glance at her brother. “If we all work on it and if _he_ destroys it properly, there won’t be anything left for Lily to work with.”

            I try to remain calm and keep a neutral expression as anguish creeps inside me. Trusting anyone who isn’t me with the ascendants in _not_ an option.

“It could work,” Matt agrees. “If we destroy the only way for the heretics to escape–”

“Lily will go for a bloodbath,” Stefan murmurs, while Damon winces unhappily and helps himself a glass of bourbon. He takes the longest sip and we somehow all wait for him to say something.

“You know what bothers me?” he asks to no one in particular. “What bothers me is that even with the ascendant gone on our side, they would still have a way to get out.”

            Silence meets his words as we all frown, trying to think of another way.

“Uh… no,” Kai says. “Prison worlds’ rules are pretty strict. In order to come out, there are a certain number of ingredients that you need. I would know.”

“Ascendant, magic, Bennett blood and recurring celestial event,” Damon counts on his fingers, “all of which are actually present in 1903.” Bonnie’s mouth opens as she understands where he’s getting at, and Stefan closes his eyes in weariness. All of the others, myself included, find someone to share a skeptical glance with.

“Well, I _do_ recall a certain headstone loaded with magic, somewhere in Canada,” Kai says, “but even if they were to find it in our lifetime, they would still be missing Bennett blood.”

“A,” Damon objects, “half of the people here are immortal, which makes _our_ lifetime long enough for this kind of crap to happen; b, Quetsiyah’s blood is on that headstone.”

            Kai is about to retort something but catches himself, a frown taking over his face as he understands.

“Who’s Quetsiyah?” Enzo asks.

“A very old, very powerful witch,” Stefan answers, “who happened to be Bonnie’s ancestor.”

            Enzo finally understands and the living room grows silent; until Kai looks up to Damon, and I can’t tell whether he’s about to cry or burst in anger.

“You never said so.” The vampire winces in confusion and my witch tries to clarify. “When I spent an entire day and nearly _died_ , trying to send you, and then Jeremy, over to see Bonnie in ‘94, you never said Quetsiyah was her ancestor; you only said the headstone was loaded with magic.”

“Well, Bonnie didn’t need another Bennett’s blood; she only needed magic. And besides, we all kinda knew Quetsiyah was her ancestor–”  

“ _I_ didn’t,” Kai interrupts him, and Damon doesn’t understand why he looks so angry and hurt.

“What do you want me to say; you weren’t exactly part of the crew, you were not entitled to the story of how we battled with the Originals over the cure, or how Silas rose from the dead and tried to murder us all.”

“But had you mentioned it–”

“It was not relevant,” Damon cuts him impatiently.

“What we’re saying here,” I cautiously venture, as the two stare at each other with animosity, “is that if we’d heard of it, we could have gotten out.”

            Silence fills the room once more and Kai shakes his head to himself. It would have taken time to get there, we would have needed to jump to ‘94 and drive from there before jumping back to 1903, but we could have done it. It would have given us a purpose during our time in prison; it would have given us hope. I would never have gone through the twelve days, never have been scared and diminished the way I’ve been. I shiver. Everything could have been different. If only we’d known.

“Lily doesn’t even know about it,” Stefan says after a moment. “The heretics have no way to ever find out, so everybody calm down. We’ll keep watching her and make sure she doesn’t, you know… flip out.”

“You might want to find her first,” Matt warns. “Because if I’m the one to run into her and it comes to sparing her life or saving someone, I won’t hesitate.”

“Thank you for being so cheerful, Donovan,” Damon smirks. “It’s always a comfort to have you on our side.”

“I’ll look for her today,” Stefan decides. “See how she’s doing and what she has in mind.”

“What if your encounter goes badly?” Enzo enquires.

“We’ll need to look out for a ripper tonight,” Stefan answers, faking a cheerful smile.

“Wait,” Bonnie says. “We have Jo’s surprise bachelorette party planned for tonight. Should we cancel?”

“Damn,” Damon winces. “Rick’s bachelor party is also tonight.”

“How about we leave the pregnant lady out of the loop?” Enzo suggests.

“Agreed,” Kai says. “Jo doesn’t need to worry about Lily. She’ll have vampires and Andy to protect her.”

“I’m meeting with her this afternoon,” I confirm. “I’ll make sure she stays safe.” He nods to me and turns to Damon.

“We can’t be on alert mode forever, Damon. Once you’re tired of temporary fixes, feel free to ask for a more permanent solution.”


	50. Chapter 50

Fifty

 

“So, we’ve also got the prefect dress and you and Alaric got to taste cakes, is that right?”

            Jo looks up to Caroline and her list. The vampire gives her an encouraging smile and she smiles as well. I hand the pregnant woman her alcohol-free mimosa and sip mine.

“Thanks,” she says. “Though alcohol-free mimosas are nothing more than orange juice.”

“Sorry,” Elena says, as she stops filling more glasses. “Do you want something else?”

“I’m really feeling like eating ice cream right now,” Jo says, her eyes suddenly shining. “With enough chocolate coating to drawn in it.”

“Vanilla ice cream?”

“You read my mind.”

“On it,” Elena smiles. “Girls?” We shake our heads and she leaves Jo’s house. The conversation goes back to what needs to be done, and to Caroline and I basically reassuring Jo whenever she freaks out as the list gets longer. The blond vampire is very organized: she tackles every task that needs to be done, gives it a deadline and assigns it to someone.

She is standing in Jo’s living room, energically pacing up and down as she goes, while the former witch and I are sitting on the couch. The coffee table is covered with wedding magazines, pantones of color, pieces of fabric and pictures of floral compositions. We go slowly, but steadily, and every question ends up finding its answer. It kind of reminds me of how the clan enlisted everybody to prepare Alice’s wedding. The change in atmosphere was welcome for a lot of us, especially after long missions alone; Jo’s wedding brings the same kind of fresh air.

“For catering,” Caroline says, only looking up from her list as Elena comes back in, “I’m thinking of the one I hired for my mom’s funeral. They were competent and the food was very good.”

“Is my wedding banquet supposed to look like a funeral?” Jo asks with a squint, her mouth full of ice cream. Elena and I both give the blond vampire a look, signaling it was maybe not the best thing to say.

“No,” she rectifies. “But they work very well on a tight schedule, and did I mention the food was _really_ good?”

“How about we make an appointment with them and with two other agencies?” I suggest. “If you don’t like them, we’ll take someone else.” She nods to that and Caroline grins.

“So, I’ll make appointments on different day. You guys don’t want to end up full after the first or second one.”

            She then asks about the photographer: there should definitely be someone for the video and another person to take pictures throughout the day; this shouldn’t be overlooked, since pictures are going to be the main souvenirs she’ll get to print and send to people in order to remember her wedding.

I try not to think that Lily could inconveniently go ripper on that particular day, I try to keep all the insanity away and focus on Caroline’s voice. She’s so excited about all this that she gets Jo to forget her anxiety, and the spirit is contagious. I mean, a wedding is such a better reason to gather than a supernatural emergency. It is honestly fun to be worrying about something that doesn’t have to do with magic or killers or anything, and to focus on a playlist or on a hairstyle.

            When Elena’s phone rings, she gets up and gathers her things.

“I’m supposed to meet Rick and take him shoe-shopping.”

“That shouldn’t be long,” Caroline gloats. “While you’re at it, be sure to get his opinion on– wait, where’s Rick’s approval list?”

“Right here,” I say, taking the right page from my stack and handing it to Elena.  

            The vampire leaves and we spend another hour on blocking Jo’s calendar for all the appointments she needs, until she implores Caroline for a break and we end up talking about completely different topics over tea.

After a while, Jo gets a text from Alaric, saying he found his shoes and he’ll be home soon. I let Kai know that we’re done, since Liv was the one to drive me back to McKinley this morning and she dropped me at Jo’s and I don’t have my car. We start clearing my witch’s living room and we are nearly done when Alaric comes home.

Seeing them kiss with such love and tenderness always warms my heart, and I need to remember not to grin at them stupidly. Since when do I do that anyway?

“Alright,” Caroline smiles. “I guess that’s my cue. Good work today, everybody; we’ll be ready in no time for your perfect day.”

“Thank you,” Jo says sincerely, taking Caroline’s hand, “for handling all this like a pro.”

“Pleasure,” the vampire answers, squeezing, before turning to me. “Do you need me to drop you off, Andy? I know where your dorm is.”

“Uh– I’ve got my ride, thanks.”

“You sure do.” Her eyebrows playfully lift at that but I simply repress a smile and we don’t comment. She leaves and I finish sorting the magazines until we hear a knock on the door that is certainly Kai.

Alaric freezes when opening, and the four of us probably have a sense of déjà-vu at the thought of us in this house. It’s crazy to think that the last time the four of us stood here, I hated him. I wished for a way to separate him from his coven so I could kill him with my bare hands, and with my knives. I wanted to hurt him; I wanted him to suffer, so badly.

I take a deep breath and focus on the now, on how I want to bring this beatific smile to his lips, one that stretches to his eyes when he seems to marvel at how much he’s into me. I focus on how my heartbeat sings when he’s near, wanting nothing more in the world than to make him happy. This crush is not getting any better, Andy, is it?

Kai doesn’t come in though, he carefully stands on the doormat.

“I’m here to pick up Andy,” he says after Alaric’s first beat of surprise. “And I need to talk to Jo, if that’s okay?” Rick and Jo share a glance and she slightly nods. The fact that Kai asked probably helped. The Gemini leader cautiously steps in and a tangible tension invades the room. “You ready?” he asks as lightly as possible and I nod, grabbing my jacket off the chair. “So,” he begins, as I come to stand next to him as an implicit support, “I need you to call Dad and ask him how to destroy a prison world.”

            Surprise overtakes their faces, and Rick comes to stand closer to his fiancée, settling an arm around her waist.

“Why would you want to know that?” he asks. “Has something happened?”

“Nothing has happened yet,” Kai says very calmly. “But we still need to make sure the heretics won’t find a way to escape, ‘cause that would be a serious bummer. I’ve been working on a spell that would _hypothetically_ project their spirits to a very precise, very closed and very defined spot in our world. I’d like Andy to assess them before making a decision about them.”

“You’re considering letting them out?” Jo asks in disbelief.

“It’s a possibility I’m not excluding. But if they can’t be trusted to behave in the real world, I’ll probably resort to destroying 1903 for good. A quick and painless death is better than an eternity of confinement. That’s why I need _you_ to pick up the phone and let our dad know we’re probably going to blow 1903 at some point; detailed instructions would be appreciated.”

            He doesn’t tell them how fast he needs to make these decisions and act, because the longer we wait, the more time we give Lily to find another way out for them. Alaric and I share a glance; he knows that things are serious, he saw how Kai panicked when realizing I was trapped with _them_ , and he might be starting to understand how the witch tends to be as light as he can when a grave matter comes up. That’s why the defiance on his face is not about Kai, it’s about the dangers he’s trying to keep from them.

“Well, you can do it,” Jo says rather coldly. Yeah… she’s not that pumped about ever letting any of them out, is she?

“I know I can,” her brother answers easily. “I’m asking you to.”

“And if I say no?”

“I’ll order you to.”

“So you’re never going to speak to him,” she understands, anger looming in her voice.

“Not if I can avoid it,” he grins, holding her bright blue gaze as impassively as he can. I instantly remember our conversation from the morning after he got back from Portland; the way he tried to remain neutral as he told me how everybody in his coven watched him with distrust and hatred during his stay – when they would even look at him – and how he’d immediately ordered his father to stand away from him and never _ever_ to talk to him.

Having him nearby made him sick, and it’s not just about how he was treated when he was a kid, nor is it just about facing him after what happened to his family that night, after what _he_ did; it’s a painful mix of the two. He doesn’t have it in him to face him. He doesn’t have it in him to see all this resentment and hatred on his father’s face, because he spent so many years trying to make him love him again, and now there’s no chance of that ever happening. He doesn’t have it in him to face his pain and accusation as well, he’s already struggling with his own.

“You know what, you always wanted to become leader,” Jo says, cold, formidable. “Well, now you are, so you’re gonna take your responsibilities and stop taking the easy road. You call him.”

            Kai clenches his jaw at that and we all see his face go from one emotion to another. I know he wants to do better, but I actually worry for half a second that he might do something stupid.

“Andy, go wait in the car,” he simply orders and my head jerks up to him. Excuse me?

He’s still glaring at Jo and I internally shiver.

“I’m not leav–”

“I said go wait in the car,” he repeats, finally glancing at me and it’s like I’m the one responsible for his pain.

“I’ll be outside,” I warn him, holding gaze until it sinks in. “Don’t do anything you’d regret.”

 

/*\

 

            The door closes behind Andy and a dreadful silence falls onto the room. Did she really step out and leave them to face him while he’s obviously raging over Jo? Alaric brings her closer to him, tensing, readying for a fight, while Kai turns his face back to hers. He chews on his lip for a long moment, thinking, as he glares at his sister.

“Do you remember what you said to me, the morning after Andy got back from 1903?”

            Jo frowns and nods, confused about the change of subject.

_Kai leaves his bathroom, dressed and ready to appear in front of the world. He woke up earlier than he usually would, and though all of his strengths haven’t settled back yet, he knows Andy is finally back, and he can’t wait to go be with her for breakfast. He wants to have her next to him for hours again, he wants to be able to hold her hand and truly exist in her eyes, he needs it._

_He meets Jo in the corridor and she tilts her head, not smiling. It must require such an effort for her to stand before him and look him in the eye, while she remembers all the atrocities he committed that night._

_“How did you sleep?” Does she even care?_

_“Better. But I had to get up; I’m starving.” Keep it light and easy. Never let her see how much you’re dying on the inside._

_“So you weren’t up early,” she guesses._

_“No, I just woke up.”_

_“Funny; since I came to talk to you this morning, and you weren’t there.” He tenses at that but says nothing. “Did you sleep in Andy’s room?” she inquires. He clenches his jaw, knowing all too well she already has her answer._

_“Maybe.” The slightest smile escapes her._

_“You know, we grew up together,” she reminds him. “I’ve seen you develop feelings for a girl before.” He doesn’t answer and resumes walking, until they reach the staircase. He suddenly, but gently, takes her elbow, stopping her from taking the first step down. His frown tells her he is thinking hard, but on what, she couldn’t tell._

_“How do I stop it?”_

_Jo cocks her head, giving him a confused smile at this innocent perplexity she can read._

_“There’s no stopping it. It’s a free fall; all you can do is hope the other person is there to catch you.” They hold gaze for a moment, until they hear indistinct voices shouting in the kitchen. Is Andy arguing with someone? Liv or Caroline? They both have the same frown and head downstairs._

            Jo remembers this conversation as well, but she doesn’t really understand where he’s going with that. As for Rick, he is completely clueless regarding the new topic.

“You said,” Kai reminds her, his blood boiling, “that you’d seen me develop feelings for a girl before.” That is when Alaric understands why Kai wanted Andy to step out; this has to be about her. “ _Feelings_ ,” the witch repeats, anchoring his gaze in Jo’s. “And you know what, I didn’t even twitch at that right away, but it got me thinking. We grew up together, Jo; you knew me better than anyone, and you said it yourself: you’d seen me develop feelings… And yet you actually believed, for _eighteen._ _years_ , the crazy-sociopath version; never questioned it once.”

            Jo’s face falls before distorting with cold anger again; is he actually bringing up that night – _that night_ – in front of her?

“How dare you–” she fulminates under her breath.

“How dare _you_ ,” he cuts off, “say to my face that I’ve been taking the easy road while _you_ never tried to understand what happened.”

She can’t tell whether his voice shakes with anger or pain, and right now, she doesn’t care.

“You killed our siblings,” Jo fires back. “That’s what happened.”

“Exactly, Jo!” he explodes, tears filling his eyes. “I _killed_ them! All of them! And I would have killed you and the twins as well. How could you think for a _second_ that I could let any of this happen? How could you _believe_ him when he said I’d always been deranged and– unable to feel anything?” His eyes are full of tears now, and Jo is shaking her head, refusing to hear what he has to say.

“Don’t try to have me believe you didn’t want to,” she spits.

            Her leader has this sad, weary snort, as he wipes the first tears away, before locking eyes with her, his anger turning into raw heartbreak. “You knew me, you knew I could feel; and you took what he said for granted and let me rot in a cell forever. You never questioned him, you never actually thought to yourself ‘hey, my brother just killed half our family tonight, that’s not like him; some dark spell must have gone incredibly wrong.’ You ran away and did your best to forget about me; you let him erase me from the twins’ memories… You never tried to figure it out, so you don’t get to talk to me about easy roads and responsibilities.”

            Jo won’t say a word, clearly shocked by what he’s implying, and her memory won’t stop playing the night when she came to the Salvatores’ to examine him, when he had this nightmare and told her he couldn’t stop, that his feelings were gone. This can’t be true. What does it even mean? It’s not like feelings can disappear like that.

            Alaric is silent, taking in the witch’s words, what it could mean if any of it were true. How could it even be true? He rubs his fiancée’s back for comfort, while processing Kai’s obvious pain. The Gemini leader shakes his head to himself and rubs his face, wishing to leave this place more than anything else. Jo’s silence is almost worse than all the hateful things she should be saying to him. He swallows and briefly closes his eyes in order to calm down before making for the door. “Just make that phone call.”

 

/*\

 

            When Kai joins me in the car, he looks incredibly shaken. He settles in and rests the back of his head on his headrest, eyes closed, and silent. I don’t speak right away, because no matter what happened, I know it was more about him being hurt than hurting his sister. He wipes a tear away and opens his eyes. I take his hand, he squeezes, and I lean in to rest my head on his shoulder, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb. It’s not the best comforting hug I could come up with but it’s not that easy to hug someone in a car.

“Let’s go home,” he says, once his breathing has settled.

“Kai,” I gently call, lifting a hand to stroke his prickly cheek. “I know it was terrible in there and I don’t want to add to your pain, but just so you know, the way you talked to me wasn’t okay. As in I’m here with you and I’m ready to stand by you on a lot of things, but no matter how much shit you have to put up with, you never get to talk to me like that ever again.”

            We hold gaze for a moment, and though I long to excuse him and take him in my arms and comfort him, I remain calm and firm, knowing I can’t let this go unnoticed. He lowers his gaze and nods.

“You’re right; I’m sorry.” He kisses the palm of my hand and looks up. “It won’t happen again.”

 

            Needless to say that later that night, when the girls and I show up at the hospital with a high-end stripper and we basically kidnap Jo for her bachelorette party, getting her in the mood takes time. Kai didn’t want to talk about what happened with her just yet, and he was more than reluctant to go when Damon called to remind him that Rick’s surprise party was still on for tonight and ‘where the hell are you?’.

            Elena compelled a diner’s owner to close up for tonight and leave the place to us. We got there early to decorate it and it was almost funnier than the actual party. Not that we don’t enjoy each other’s company but we all have personal problems we need to sort out, we’re not necessarily into talking about them, and we can’t actually get drunk, since our bachelorette is pregnant.

“We’re so having another one after your baby’s born,” Bonnie mutters after taking a sip of soda.

            Jo laughs at that and wonders, “Do I wanna know what Rick is up to with the guys?”

Elena and I share a glance; I heard Damon mention filling the house with ‘hot girls and lots of booze’.

“Nope,” the vampire winces, “I think they were taking him to play pool at the _Mystic Grill_.”

            I nod, trying to look convinced, but we share another glance and can’t hold back a smile. We know Rick, he’s madly in love with Jo; he wouldn’t do anything stupid.

“Did you girls even invite Liv, or…?” she then asks and we lower our gazes.

“I’m sorry she didn’t come,” I say, reaching for her hand. “We’ve been dress-shopping for your wedding, though.”

“Meaning she doesn’t intend on wearing a mauve, maid of honor dress?” Jo says, her eyes filling with tears, “Sorry. Hormones.”

“Look,” Caroline says, settling down next to Bonnie after selecting a new song on the jukebox, “I’ve got her measurements and I ordered a dress for her in case she changes her mind. We’ll let her know she can do that any minute until the Wagner music begins.”

“In the meantime,” Elena adds, “I can be your maid of honor.”

“Me too,” Bonnie suggests.

“Same here,” I say, and Caroline nods as well.

            A tear rolls down Jo’s cheek and she wipes it off, offering us an apologetic smile. After that, Bonnie starts a conversation on Elena finally taking the cure soon, and the vampire confides her doubts about Damon taking it with her. What if she doesn’t love him anymore when they’re both human? What if something happens and they can’t be together for their whole life? I don’t intervene in that, because I know all too well that no matter how much you want to have someone in your life forever, shit happens and there’s a big risk of ending up alone.

            During the whole conversation, I chew on my lip, remembering how Luke and I were supposed to stay friends forever. I haven’t even been thinking about him in the past few days, I was so much caught up in finals and work and supernatural crises and weddings. Shame surges in me; he only exists in our memories now, how could I forget to think of him for so long? Was Liv right about me? Am I forgetting him and moving on, now that I’m a team with someone else?

            Fortunately, Elena says something that calls me back to reality and I momentarily stop feeling guilty over who I’ve been thinking about lately or not; I’ll keep my brooding for later. The night passes by and we end up playing games Caroline had the common sense to prepare. We laugh and argue over points, changing the teams around and forgetting the outside world for a while.

Elena is the first one to go; she really needs to sort things out with Damon before she makes her decision about the cure. Once she’s gone, we discuss taking the party somewhere else, but Jo is actually tired and only dreams of her bed, though she thanks us multiple times for tonight. Caroline leaves soon after that, reminding us to leave everything as it is: she hired a team of cleaners for tomorrow morning. We gather our things and I leave for the bathroom real quick, which is why I don’t get to see Lilian Salvatore enter the diner, very much intent on making Bonnie help her free her friends from 1903, and attacking her when the latter refuses.

            I only hear Jo scream that she’s pregnant. To that, Lily Salvatore stops and listens for a heartbeat.

“Twins,” she whispers, holding Jo’s surprised and terrified gaze.

“What?”

“Good luck to you.”

            When I barge into the room, I only get a glimpse of her before she leaves, using vampire speed. I don’t have time to ask Jo if she’s alright, she rushes to Bonnie and I imitate her: the Bennett witch is lying on the floor, a spike for orders’ tickets stuck in her neck. I call 911 for an ambulance, text Damon, and then follow Jo’s instructions.

When we get to the E.R, the vampire is already waiting for us, and as soon as we are alone with Bonnie, we let him take care of her wound with vampire blood. Jo disappears into an emergency room for several minutes, and when she comes back, she grabs my arm and leads me somewhere isolated where we can talk.

“Kai can’t know.”

“What?” I’m lost, and she looks so scared and agitated that I’m even more lost. Have I missed something?

“He can’t know about the twins.” My eyes go from her panicked gaze to the hand resting on her belly.

“You’re having twins?” I breathe out.

“Didn’t you hear Lilian Salvatore say it?”

“Uh– no. I only heard her say ‘good luck’ and then she vanished.”

“Great.” She reaches out for a chair and I help her sit down. I kneel down before her and rub her knees for comfort.

“Why wouldn’t you want Kai to find out?”

“I don’t know, I– He’s finally the leader. If he hears of it, he might try to take them from me.”

            She closes her eyes, probably remembering how he chased her and the younger twins around the house that night.

“Do you really believe he’d do that?” I ask softly.

            Her eyes shoot open and she stares at me. I don’t know what different memory is playing in her head now but she seems to reconsider.

“I’m not sure, he…” She frowns and I resume rubbing her knees. “Even if he doesn’t, the coven is gonna try and take them.”

“Why?”

“Another merge is the only thing that could strip Kai of his powers. Then he wouldn’t be leader anymore and we could– They could–”

            I open my mouth but close it. This would mean Kai wouldn’t be safe from his coven any longer. But then, this merge isn’t supposed to happen before a good twenty-two years. Hopefully, the merge will be abolished by then, and the Gemini will see all the good he’s accomplished since becoming leader.

“Look, we’re not there yet; and we won’t let anyone come anywhere near your babies, do you hear me?”

“You can’t be watching me twenty-four-seven, Andy. It’s not a life. And look at tonight, you went to the _bathroom_ , for God’s sake, and it was enough.”

I chew on my lip, shaking my head to myself. I can’t believe I wasn’t there. One minute, I was gone for _one_ minute, and her life and her twins’ could have ended, just like that. It’s just like Luke all over again. I wasn’t there. “My children will never be safe,” her voice breaks and she covers her mouth with her hand.

            I open my mouth, ready to object, when Alaric barges into the room, his eyes locking on Jo’s. She immediately walks up to him and they share a long, tight hug. When he looks up at me and nods me to go, I comply, leaving them alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I need to say that whenever I read this scene with Kai finally 'exploding' at Jo, I have these big tears in my eyes. Because even though he's convinced that he's the sole responsible for what happened, he can't help letting off some steam and let cracks appear in his defense, because by believing this sociopath story, she abandoned him too.That always breaks my heart when we get a reminder that no matter how far we're moving on with this story, he's still dying on the inside.   
> Any thoughts? 
> 
> Also, I've been wondering: would you prefer I keep updating twice a week or once a week? We have a bit less than thrity chapters left, so let me know! :)


	51. Chapter 51

Fifty-one

 

            I roll over and look at my witch. He’s still sleeping and I’ve been staring at the ceiling for half an hour, going over the events of last night. Kai really freaked out when he heard Lily had come this close to killing Jo, he wanted to go after her right away. Fortunately, Enzo and Stefan were already on that, and it was best to let them deal with it instead of him. He would have killed her.

            On the other hand, that’s how I know he’ll never do anything to hurt Jo and her baby – _babies_. I haven’t told him that news yet. I feel like he should know, but somehow I also feel like Jo should be the one to tell him. In an ideal world, they’d peacefully sit down over coffee – and tea – and she’d share the happy news with her twin brother; he wouldn’t freeze or offer her his most crafted neutral expression, he would congratulate her and vow to protect his future nieces or nephews from any harm. That would be ideal.

            I sigh once more and his lips twitch in a smile.

“Are you watching me sleep?” he asks in a sleepy voice that instantly brings a tender smile to my lips.

“No,” I say after a silence that gives me away.

“Creepy,” he whispers and I lazily nudge him, which makes him laugh. Eyes still closed, he brings me closer to him, nuzzling in my hair, and asks, “No early training this morning?”

“It’s raining outside,” I say, snuggling closer, “and I didn’t feel like getting up.”

“I could get used to waking up with you,” he smiles.

“For what you make of it,” I mock. And instantly regret it.

            His entire body tenses at that and I wearily close my eyes. He presses a long kiss in my hair and says he’s taking the bathroom first, before getting up and leaving me in his now-cold, empty bed.

            Over breakfast, it almost feels like everything is back to normal, but I just hate this situation. He has no problem touching me and being affectionate, but when it could go further, he ends it right away, which in addition to being frustrating, is starting to hurt. And every time I try to bring it up, he’ll close up and leave or change the subject. I don’t know what to do.

            My phone rings, which wakes me from my thoughts, and I take my conversation with Alice outside. Jared didn’t lie to her: she knows I screwed up big time at some point, but the fact that he left me here to continue my mission reassured her, which is why she hasn’t been pressing for a face-to-face report. Until now. It seems like our clansmen in Louisiana are giving her less trouble these days. She’s been asking her husband for more details, and his reluctance to talk did rise her suspicions. He told her he wouldn’t lie, but it wasn’t his story to share and he seriously thought it best if I were the one to tell her; to which Alice said ‘great, let’s have Andy come home.’

            When I come back into the room, I am no longer troubling myself over ideal siblings bond or having sex with my non-exactly-boyfriend. And I love that he instantly takes the hint.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, taking my hands.

“Alice wants me to come home.”

He tenses at that and I look up at him, lost.

“What did you tell her?”

“I… tried to stall, I mean, what could I tell her? If she flies me over there even for a weekend, she won’t let me come back, not when she hears what I have to tell her.”

            Panic surges inside me as I realize that she could actually lose patience and order me home any time from now on. I’d be leaving school, my friends, Jo’s twins, the fight to keep Lily in check, the guys bantering all the time and… him. I’d be leaving him.

“Come sit down,” Kai tells me in a soft voice. “I’ll get you a glass of water; you look pale.”

            He disappears in the kitchen and comes back, a glass in one hand, his phone in the other. He sits next to me and rubs my back as I sip and focus on my chest so it won’t explode. “I think it’s time you decide what you want to do.”

“I won’t get to decide–”

“I have terms, remember? Once Alice cools down about whom she actually has an alliance with, I’ll get to decide who I want to monitor me. That could be you, if you want.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“You obviously don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t wanna watch witches my entire life either. I– I want a shot at normalcy…”

            Tears cloud my vision and I lower my face. I always aimed at a more normal life, and I still do, but his life is never going to be normal; he’s going to be on this supernatural carousel forever. How do I–

“Hey, come here,” he says, pulling me in as I cover my mouth and start crying. It’s not that I don’t want to leave here; it’s that I don’t want to leave him. And we’re not even together per se.

            He holds me in his arms and rubs my back, whispering reassuring words in my ear for a long time. When his phone rings once, he reads the text and tells me Jared got Alice to stand back for now. “He told her he still needs you to make sure the heretics won’t escape 1903 and that you can’t leave Mystic Falls just yet. We’ve got time”

            I close my eyes, grateful that he texted Jared in the first place, but as my sobs quiet for now, I know it’s not final.

“I’ll still have to go back at some point; I’ll have to tell her… something.” I’ll have to watch disappointment and betrayal shape the lines of her face. I might very well lose my leader _and_ my sister.

“We’ll figure it out,” he promises. I cover my mouth with my hands, shaking my head to myself.

“God, I wish Luke were here. Or my mom– she’d know what to do, she–”

            I close my eyes and shake my head again. My mom would know how to make Alice listen to her and not to the elders. Kai brushes a hand in my hair, before carefully pulling Luke’s ring from beneath my top and saying, “I think it’s time we check whether your mom’s in there.”

 

*****

 

“Okay, deep breaths,” he tells me and I comply.

            We’re sitting on the couch, crossed legs and knees to knees. My hands are joined, resting in his, and in my palms lies the ring. At first, I was very confused at what he was suggesting, wondering, but then he said that if my mom’s spirit hadn’t found peace and was indeed in there with my ancestors, I might have a chance to talk to her. I was skeptical because Luke never offered to take me there, so there must have been a reason for that. My witch nodded, saying it was a demanding spell and that it had more chances to fail than work; Luke probably didn’t want to get my hopes up.

            Kai steadies my hands before cupping my cheeks. I close my eyes, smiling at his touch, and he says in a low voice, “Think back of a happy memory with her. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary, just– think of when you guys would play the guitar or when you would binge cook on a snow day. Let it play in your mind, hear the music, smell the cookies; let it invade you as if you were back there. Once you’re anchored, focus on your breathing and let me do the rest.”

            I do as he says, I picture us in the kitchen, baking trays and trays of cookies for a Christmas dinner at the mansion; we were on desert and snacks duty that year. She looks so much like Alice, with shoulder-long dark hair, her pale complexion and her chocolate-brown eyes. The lines of her face are softer than my sister’s and she is less thin than her; she is beautiful and her voice resonates inside me like a long-lost lullaby. And when I hear her laugh, something in my heart breaks. “Open your eyes,” Kai whispers.

            I do, giving sideway glances around me as I don’t dare make a move. My witch and I are standing in an empty room – an empty house, rather. We’re on the ground floor and though I can’t actually see the outside, there is this reddish light that pours from the windows, like the sun decided to shine after a rainy day.

“Where are we?”

My voice resonates on the white walls.

“Your home?” he suggests but I shake my head. I’d recognize my parents’ house, and the family estate, even without the furniture.

“Andy?”

I freeze when another voice resonates behind me; her voice. I turn around slowly and here she is, standing a couple feet from me, looking young and alive.

“Mom?” She gives me this smile and my heart could burst with love. I fill the distance between us and grab her for a hug, not bothering to hold my tears. They’re not sad tears, or at least not entirely; there is so much relief and gratitude and hope and love in me right now, it’s hard to keep track of all the emotions. I hold her so close she could break, but not vanish; she’s here. I can even smell her green tea perfume and this pine scent that reminds me of home.

She pulls back just enough to look at me and tears roll down her cheeks as well, only she beams at me and I can’t help smiling back.

“My baby girl,” she says, her voice shaking. “You are so beautiful, honey.”

“I’ve missed you. I miss you. Everyday.”

“I miss you too.” She looks at me again – she _gazes_ at me and it’s like she can’t believe it either.

“How can you be here, baby? Has something happened to you?”

“No, I’m fine, I’m alive. Everybody’s fine and alive. I mean– we did lose Uncle George two years ago, but you probably ran into him, so…”

“I did. He found peace after a few weeks among us. But I don’t know what happened; the last thing I remember was the Other Side collapsing and then… all of us were here, it doesn’t make any sense–”

“It does,” I gently cut her. “Um, I may or may not have made an illicit alliance with a Gemini witch to save your spirits form total oblivion. We need to talk about that.” My mom’s mouth opens but she stops when she notices Kai behind me.

“Is that…”

“Said witch?” I say, turning to Kai. “No, that’s his older brother, Kai.” I smile at him and nod him to come closer. “Come meet my mom. This is–”

“Malachai Parker.”

My head whips back to her; her face is now full of defiance and she protectively pulls me behind her, not leaving him out of her sight. Kai’s face falls as he freezes. “I know who he is; your father told me about him.”

“No,” I object, standing between the two of them. “Dad was wrong and Josh Parker was wrong too and– _anything_ you thought you knew about Kai is inaccurate.”

            Her disbelief is tangible, as much as her distrust. And I hate that Kai has to go through this, even with a person he didn’t know; with my _mom_ , for God’s sake, the most loving woman on earth.

“It’s fine,” he whispers, his eyes to the ground.

“I’m sorry.”

He looks up at me when hearing my voice shake and manages a reassuring smile. He passes the chain with Luke’s ring around his neck and, when I reach for his hand and squeeze, he brushes my cheek with his free hand.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be waiting outside; call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, resting my brow on his. I have no words to convey my gratitude for this unhoped for embrace with her. It’s more than I could _ever_ have imagined in my wildest dreams. Thank you.

“Of course.” He presses a kiss to my forehead and leaves the house. When I turn back to my mom, she is more than confused but I take her hand and press it to my cheek.

“Can we talk about him later, please? I could really use your advice on a couple things.”

“I _did_ give you the talk about safe sex, right?”

“ _Mom_ ,” I implore, incapable of not chuckling to that. She pulls me in for another long hug and exhales.

“I’ll give you the advice you need, baby, but then we are definitely talking about your tastes in men.”

“You don’t like blue eyes?” I inquire.

“I don’t like sociopathic killers.”

“ _Do not_ call him that,” I say firmly, pulling back to watch her. “He’s not a sociopath, he never was. He’s got feelings; they’re very real and they’re very hurt right now, so– please. Back to my crisis.”

“Back to your crisis,” she gives in.

“So. Dad’s alive and fine, but Alice may or may not be clan leader and I may or may not have… withheld a couple things from her… How do I present the truth without her bursting out and murdering me in cold blood before suspending me?”

 

**/*\**

 

Time goes by and Kai remains silent, sitting on the house’s front porch. This spell is somehow less demanding that he thought – or maybe he built up some extra strengths after going back and forth in 1903. To this day, he can’t believe he could endanger the whole coven like that, but then, he couldn’t leave Andy alone in there, that was not conceivable.

A lot of thoughts are playing on his mind. After half an hour, he stopped tormenting himself about how meeting Andy’s mom went badly, because even she sees him as a soulless monster; it was just one more reminder that he’ll never get to be a normal man, not after what he’s done. No matter how hard he tries to be good for the coven, for his sisters and for her, it’ll never truly matter. It’s too late, he ruined everything.

He’s been trying to make it right but so many lives were lost because of him, he’s caused so much pain and suffering… how does he justify his existence after that? How could he ever find forgiveness or peace or happiness? He doesn’t deserve it, any of it. He doesn’t even deserve to be free from his prison world, and he certainly doesn’t deserve her. It’s crazy to think that his parents were right from the beginning: he’s not worth it; he never was.

            He fiddles with the ring on the chain, his mind following the well-known trail of guilt and pain and self-loathing. He doesn’t deserve to feel better about what he did, he shouldn’t hold on so much to the moments of joy and peace he gets from being with her, it’s not fair to them. He only deserves endless pain and misery. His eyes burn with tears and he closes them, wishing once more he could find a way to go back; please, let him go back, so he can warn himself or Jo or anyone else about what was coming.

He exhales deeply, pleading his heart to stop hammering in his chest. Jo is pregnant. It won’t be long now until someone from his coven expects twins. They all want him gone so it makes sense that a new set would be born soon. And about twenty-two years from now, they’ll be taking over for leadership, freeing him from the obligation of remaining alive. He only needs to find a way for them to avoid merging, and he’ll be free of what he always wished for, of this power and place that cost him those he loved and his own life. Twenty-two years from now, he’ll be free to take a deep breath and finally end the pain, for good this time. It’s not fair that he gets to escape his ultimate punishment, but he knows he’s not strong enough for a lifetime of suffering. He’s weak, he’s always been weak. He just needs to hold until then.

“I thought I’d sensed your presence.”

            Kai’s head jerks up at the voice, whipping towards it. He takes in the sandy-blond young man standing before the porch; his below average height, his lean figure, his bright blue eyes. Kai stands up, feeling like air just left his lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mouahaha ;)


	52. Chapter 52

Fifty-two

 

“Lucas,” he breathes out.

            His mouth falls opens, tears already pooling in his eyes, but no other word will come out. In front of him, Luke examines him for a moment; he watches him clutch the ring on the chain, which he’s wearing the way Andy used to, and he sees the emotions waging in his eyes. He was certainly not expecting this reaction from him, and he simply doesn’t understand when Kai suddenly fills the distance between them and pulls him in for a tight, desperate embrace. The younger Parker starts, his eyes wide with surprise, as his older brother holds him and cries. He actually _cries_. “I’m so sorry, little brother. _God_ , I’m so sorry.”

            Luke opens his mouth, closes it, clueless as of what to say. Is his mind playing tricks on him or is Kai weeping that he’s _sorry_? In his arms? “I’m sorry I’m sorry,” the older one keeps crying, holding on to him convulsively, as if he actually missed him. “I didn’t mean for all this to happen. It was a mistake, I’m so sorry.”

            Luke’s eyes sting and he awkwardly pats Kai’s back, not knowing what he’s talking about, but very uncomfortable with this hug and his apologies. He can’t mean that merging with him or killing their siblings was a mistake, right? You don’t merge with someone by accident. You don’t kill four children by mistake.

            Kai pulls back, and Luke’s chest tightens when seeing his tears. His eyes look so much like Liv’s… All of this looks and feels very authentic; he is definitely not prepared for that, for all these emotions to distort the lines of Kai’s face and make him look so human. As long as he hasn’t identified the purpose of this manipulation, Luke tries to remain stern.

“Could you– Would you mind telling me what you’re talking about exactly? Before throwing random apologies, I mean.”

“You were so young,” Kai murmurs, remembering so many things from their past,.“I wasn’t there to see you grow, I never taught you how to play football or any spells to see passed  boys’ clothes…”  

“So what, you regret not having brother time together? You regret not being more than a nightmare to me and Liv?” He recoils from Kai’s touch and watches his chin shake as he chews on his lip to keep the tears from rolling. His despair reminds Luke too much of Liv’s face when she would cry, and that makes his heart ill.

“I’m sorry I ruined it; everything. I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt–”

“People didn’t get hurt, _brother_ ,” Luke snaps, stern, implacable. “They died. Our family _died_ because of you; our brothers and our sisters– Do you have any idea what it was like growing up? I don’t even remember their faces, I don’t remember our mom’s voice.”

“I didn’t have my feelings…” Kai begins in a low, desperate voice, as if it could explain it all.

“Yeah, I know. I could have lived without a sociopath for a brother; _thanks_.”

“No, I didn’t have my feelings… the night it happened.”

“What are you talking about?” Luke winces with anger.

            Kai closes his eyes and tears roll down his cheeks. He lowers his face and rubs it. How does he explain this? Sobs escape his mouth as fear surges inside him; what if he doesn’t understand? What if he tells Lucas the truth and he doesn’t care? What if he still sees him as a monster? Isn’t it why he’s kept it a secret all along? Because he couldn’t take it that despite knowing the truth, they would still choose to– But he told Andy. He told her and she doesn’t loathe him for his weakness. If anything, the way she looks at him changed and now–

“There was this spell,” he says quietly. “I used it for years, I’d use it when mom and dad would– The spell could take your feelings away for some time and I wouldn’t be sad about them calling me an abomination or setting me aside because I’m a siphoner…” He opens his eyes and risks a look over at his brother; the younger’s face is horrified. Oh God, he still hates him. “I didn’t mean it to be permanent,” he quickly adds, viscerally needing him to understand. “I was just– I wanted the pain to stop; I’m so sorry I did this. No one was supposed to get hurt.”

            Lucas takes a step back, suddenly feeling dizzy, unbalanced, as Kai’s words echo in his mind. “The spell went wrong,” he continues, tears streaming down his face. “I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop– I had no feeling, there was nothing I could do. You’re gone– you’re all gone because of me.” He buries his face in his hands, repeating how sorry he is, and the dead man stares, a tear already escaping his eye at the sight of so much distress.

“You were under a spell,” Luke slowly utters, frowning as he tries to piece it all together; his brother’s snap, his alleged insanity, his drive to kill and his inability to care about anything when he got out of 1994... He’s saying all of this wasn’t real? That he didn’t mean it? How could something like that even happen?

Luke suddenly finds it hard to breathe. And he’s not even alive. “But you obviously have feelings now,” he says, taking in the way Kai sobs, his chest heaving painfully. “When did it stop?”

“After the merge,” Kai answers, chewing so many regrets on his lip. “At first I thought I’d just absorbed your empathy but then I realized it was not just your emotions… _My_ feelings were coming back too and–” He lets out a shaky breath and resumes crying. “I did this. I destroyed our family; it’s all because of me.” He covers his mouth with his hands, letting more tears escape his eyes as he closes them. He is so desperate for a way out of this; he’s out of his prison and out of his spell, but he’s still trapped. He did this, Lucas understands, and it’s killing him.

The younger witch gapes at the sight, at what this all means. This changes everything he knows about his family. He swallows and mechanically sits down next to his brother, with only this irrepressible need to know, to understand.

“Tell me. Tell me everything.”

            They talk. They talk for a long time; or rather Kai talks and Luke listens. His older brother tells him about his childhood and how he was cast away and shunned from the moment they discovered he was a siphoner. They never beat him or mistreated him per se, but their very way of looking at him, with utter disappointment or indifference when not despise… this was torture to him. He tells him about the years of loathing and sorrow, about how their parents would forbid them to touch him, and how Luke and Liv were too young to actually listen and how they would still come chasing after him in the house and playing with him; they didn’t see him as an abomination yet and he’d preciously store his memories with them, wondering whether they’d be different the next time he’d come home for the break. He could never be sure, never secure about their affection. Kai pours everything he has, trying to convey as much of him as possible, the real him; the boy he was, the young man with dreams, pains, hopes, college worries and ambitions.

His speech is messy, unstructured, but Lucas listens intently, finally filling in the blanks and shaping this mysterious, scary figure that his brother has always been. Kai tells him how he found the spell, didn’t use it at first, before giving in; he tells him how it would act on him, the advantages and the drawbacks, he tells him about the argument with their mother that night, the easy spell to escape painful tears, and how it went wrong and locked his feelings away for good. He tells him of all those years of not caring, in prison, of how he was still obsessed with the merge when he got out, because it’d always been his only true hope to prove them wrong, to show them that he was capable to lead the coven and be part of it.

He also tells him how he stopped sleeping after the merge; how it would all come back to him at night, making it hard to breathe, m  aking it not worth it to be alive; he tells him the nightmares and the guilt, the remorse and the pain, the constant wish to go back and prevent it.

Lucas reaches for his wrist and squeezes at this part; he’s been crying for a while, but this is… this goes beyond anything he could have ever imagined. To think that his brother was normal, just like him, that he had a heart all along and that it’d been ripped and torn and broken so many times that he did this to himself; like a vampire turning his humanity off, he’d taken away his emotions, what made him human. It’s crazy to think that, had their parents and family seen him as the child he was and not as a magical threat, things could have been different. He could have grown up with him, with their siblings and their mom, all of them together.

Kai’s sobs calm down when he tells his brother about 1903. At first, Luke doesn’t understand this shift because Kai had his feelings back when Bonnie stabbed him in the back and left him there to die on his own, which should have pained him, and it did, but he wasn’t alone after all: Andy ended up trapped as well, and Luke sees how his face softens at the mention of her. He listens to the tale of how they wouldn’t see eye to eye at first, before getting more used to each other and sharing and actually warming up to each other until– Kai closes his eyes, and for the first time, he voices what he’s been holding back regarding her. His feelings and hopes and dreams, but also his pains, his fears and the strings keeping him from her. And Luke listens. He doesn’t know whether he should push Kai towards being with Andy if that’s what he wants, because this very idea is so new and odd to him. So he doesn’t say anything, he sits and listens, using every bit of information he gets to sharpen his knowledge of a man he never knew or was too young to remember.

He’s made peace with being dead by now; any fear he’s ever felt toward Kai has been gone for some time, but now his brother’s obvious despair and remorse pierce right through his shield of resentment and hatred, and whenever his mind whispers not to trust this impossible change and story, his entire being lets him see how his saddened face resembles Liv’s, how his shaky breath and sobs sound like his dad’s. Kai has so many details to give him about their past, while their dad was always so reluctant to talk about it; his narrative is so accurate and it makes so much sense somehow… Besides, Kai doesn’t even try to hide or transform his faults, that’s something Luke notices quite early on: he knows their parents shouldn’t have set him aside, but he truly thinks he is the sole responsible for everything that’s happened. That’s a lot for just one person. Especially one person with the emotional capacity of two men.

There’s a lot Luke would give to be able to talk to his dad right now, to both their parents, but he doesn’t have anything to give; and there’s no one to give it to. He’s dead. Whatever happens in the land of the living is not his concern anymore, he can’t forget that.

After telling Luke about being rescued by accident, about the twelve days and about getting Andy back, Kai tells him about Jared, about his alliance with the Lightbringers and about picking up where Luke left off: drafting a new Other Side, and even making sure no other Gemini would die over a merge. He talks about trying to find a new normal in the real world, about their current problems and the reason why they came here at all. Once he’s done, he realizes his voice is raw and he falls silent. He feels weirdly empty, but not in a negative way; he feels lighter than he’s felt in a long time.

Luke remains silent for a long moment, processing it all. He asks a couple questions about Liv, about their dad and about Jo, to all of which Kai answers to the best of his ability, admitting that he’s not close to them, and all he knows mostly comes from Andy, Rick or Jared. They start talking, actually talking, and they both realize it’s the first real conversation they’ve ever had. And though it doesn’t feel anywhere near natural or normal, it feels right somehow. Luke can see all the tenderness Kai has for him, he can tell his brother still sees the toddler he knew and used to play with and care for, and though the younger Parker doesn’t actually love or even like Kai, there is this need to welcome him, to acknowledge him as part of his family. It’s always been him and Liv, and they were enough, but they always felt rather alone considering the six empty bedrooms in their house. He got to reunite with Jo before he died, and that meant the world to him. And now another one of his siblings is back, and he wants in, desperately. And Luke had never realized how much he longed to have him by his side. Isn’t it the weirdest of all feelings? To finally have a brother after all this time?

 

**/*\**

 

When I see Kai’s Light in the corner of my eyes, my grip on my mom’s hand slightly tightens. We’ve had more time together today than I ever had with Kai when he’d project himself to 1903, and I’m incredibly grateful for it, but even though we’ve had time to cover a lot of things, it still feels like it’s not enough. But then, could it ever be enough? I try to breathe calmly, reminding myself that this is bonus, and I can’t ask for too much.

He walks up to us but I can’t look away from her, except when I see her frown at him. Please, don’t do this to him, please. I glance at Kai and freeze. His eyes are red and swollen; he’s obviously been crying, and I can’t begin to tell how much it hurts to see him in pain. I instantly go and wrap my arms around his neck, wanting to protect him from any harm that could get to him, and he buries his face in my shoulder, sniffing the last tears. “I’m alright,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m alright.”

            He pulls back to face me and opens his mouth but no word will come out. No matter what he’s trying to say, it doesn’t seem to be that bad. I mean, he looks exhausted but not sad. I know we’re gonna have to go back, we’ve been here for way too long already, but it doesn’t seem to be about that. Kai shakes his head to himself, a shy smile blooming on his lips, and he kisses my temple. “There is someone who would very much like to see you,” he finally tells me.

            I try to decipher all these emotions in his eyes and on his face, I try to figure out what he means. I mean, someone wants to talk to me; great. Is it a dead elder who wishes to tell me how bad I screwed up? Is it a remote aunt who’s got some fighting advice for me? At this point, I can hear pretty much everything coming from my ancestors, even those I’ve never met.

“Hi, Andy.”

            Air leaves my lungs. That voice. _His_ voice. I look up at Kai with confusion. Is this some kind of a trick? That’s it, I’m definitely going crazy.

“Turn around,” Kai whispers to me, stroking my cheek. “He’s right here.”

            Tears fill my eyes before I even turn around and when I do, it doesn’t matter that my vision is blurred; I would recognize him anywhere. One moment, I’m in Kai’s arms and the next, I’m in Luke’s. I don’t know how I got there and I don’t care, I simply hold on to him, so much it hurts. He hugs me back, and the scent of his usual after shave is what breaks me. He’s real. I burst into tears in his arms, clinging to him, trying to convey in this embrace how much I’ve missed him.

“I’ve missed you too,” he says against my ear, crying as well. “Dude, I’ve missed you.”

            This voice. I can’t believe I haven’t heard it in so long. And at the same time, it’s exactly like I remember it. It’s real.

We hug for the longest time, so long that my nerves calm down and I pull back to take a good look at him.

“You’re really here,” I realize, smiling through my last tears. How’s that even possible?

“I am.”

“How can you be here?”

“We’d been talking about saving Liv in here after the merge, remember? Well, when I sensed I was losing, I made sure to store my spirit here.” He gives me a proud smile. “I knew you’d find a way to transfer your ancestors to a new Other Side, someday. I just needed to wait for a better place to come along.”

            Right. Of course he would. I was the one who came up with the idea of storing Liv’s ghost here after the merge… I can’t believe I never thought of that. All this time, he was with me. But not really. Because he’s still gone. I chew on my lip to keep the tears from falling again. I’m officially a crybaby.

“You left me.” I trusted you to be with me always, and you left me to deal with all this shit alone.

“I’m sorry,” he says, tears gathering in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to leave you alone. I thought I could win.” Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you win? I instantly feel guilty at this thought. Had he won, Kai would be dead. Not that I would actually care because I wouldn’t even know all that I know now but… he’d be dead. And that idea fills me with such horror and fear that I shiver.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Lucas holds me closer, reassuring me and telling me that it’s all going to be okay, and I can’t do anything but listen to his voice and believe every word he utters. “Forgive me,” I whisper in his ear, my heart suddenly racing in my chest. “I’m so sorry I fell for him.”

            I don’t get to see him look at his brother, silently taking in the man who is watching us from his corner of the room, sadness written all over his face at the sight of what he took from us. He only holds me tighter.

“It’s alright, Dee,” he whispers back, his voice just as low as mine. “He’s alive, and I’m not. It’s okay for you to move on.”

“I didn’t want to betray you.”

“You didn’t. You know him better than I do, and I trust your judgement, okay? If you say he’s good enough to be in your life, then have him in your life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven, you hear me? You are completely and unconditionally forgiven.”

            I deeply exhale, a weight leaving my chest. Ever since I got to know Kai, I have tried to push this thought away, ignore it, bury it deep inside and forget it, but it would always come back to haunt me, and as I started caring more and more about him, guilt would surge at the most unexpected times.

I don’t get to see Kai wince and momentarily lose balance behind me. I don’t see the inquiring look my mom gives him as he reaches a hand to his bleeding nose and as they both understand we’ve been here for too long, he won’t hold now.

            Our heads only turn to him when he stumbles to the nearest wall, his eyes shut and his jaw clenched. I dash to him, followed by Luke and my mom, and I kneel down, reaching for his pale face.

“Kai? You need to bring us back.”

“It’s alright, I can hold.”

“You’re burning yourself out, you need to let go.”

“You need this.”

“Hey, look at me,” I say gently, locking eyes with him. “I already got more than I could hope for. What I need is for you to be alive and healthy. Please.” He closes his eyes, drawing a difficult breath.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you more time with them.”

“It’s alright,” I say, before giving one last, happy-sad glance at my mom and at my friend. “It’s alright.”

            Everything vanishes around us and we wake up in his living room, on his couch. The ring falls from my hands as I lunge to hug him. “Thank you,” I whisper, burying my face in the crook of his neck. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

He hugs me back for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a broken mess. Honestly, the scene with Kai and Luke always has me in tears x') 
> 
> Oh I'm so happy we got to see Luke again! I definitely didn't imagine that when I first started writing, he simply really surprises me sometimes. And I'm glad he and Andy had a moment together <3 
> 
> What did you think?


	53. Chapter 53

Fifty-three

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

I turn a blasé face to Jo.

“You’re not changing your mind again,” I say, distractedly stirring my milkshake.

“He wants to see us this afternoon; I’ll tell him then.”

She tries to move but I’m sitting on the end of our bench; she’s not escaping from this booth.

“Trust me, you’ll have other things to think about this afternoon.”

“You know why he wants to see us?”

“I do, and I’m not telling you.” It’s his story to share.  

Kai and I lay in bed for a long moment this morning. He was staring at the ceiling when he told me about the conversation he had with Luke, while I was with my mom. He also told me about his brother’s request. He dreads this conversation, but he’d do anything to prove to Luke that he’s worth his trust and affection. And if it means coming defenseless before their sisters, then it’s the price to pay.

“At least, this afternoon, I’ll have a whole bunch of vampires in the house to–”

“Protect you?” I say, arching my brow. “Dude, what do you think I’m here for? Not that he would harm you or anything.”

“Last time you were here to presumably protect me, you left when he ordered you to.”

“First, I’m not a pet; he doesn’t get to order me around, he’s not Alice, and I made that very clear. Second, I knew he wasn’t going to hurt you.”

“Really.”

“Did he?”

“Do words count?” I roll my eyes and go back to my milkshake. She sways uncomfortably on her seat, which is right next to me in our booth, and keeps glancing at the door. “Remind me why this is a good idea?”

“Because he’s eventually going to find out that you’re having twins, so you might as well be the one to tell him, while I’m here to monitor his reaction.”

“Right. It does make sense.”

            I look up when a baby’s bottle falls to the floor, a couple booths ahead of us, and my eyes land on this blond, chubby baby that contorts himself in his mother’s arms to get it back. Jo’s voice grows distant, and all I can hear is the cute noises he makes, and how he taps once or twice on his mother’s shoulder to get her attention, looks back at the floor and puts his hand in his mouth, drooling all over it.

“Andy?”

            I snap back to reality and turn to Jo. She’s looking at me with concern, and that is when I notice the tears on my cheeks.

“Sorry.” I look away and wipe them off, trying to put this embarrassing moment to oblivion, but my eyes land back on the baby and I end up crying for good. Real crying. With crocodile tears and chest-aching sobs. What is _wrong_ with me? I can’t even control it, it just won’t stop. Jo’s arm is already around my shoulders, her soothing voice trying to understand what’s happening to me, but I cover my mouth and close my eyes, cutting myself off the world. I do not want to think of that. That thought never should have crossed my mind; it should leave, now.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m in love with him,” I cry, hiding my face.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” she ventures cautiously.

“He doesn’t– he won’t–” I shake my head. Get a hold of yourself, girl. “I’m sorry, I just– I wasn’t prepared to sit here and realize I’m in love in him, I–”

I don’t even know what to say. Was I _really_ tricking myself into believing it was nothing more than a big crush? An unresolved physical attraction? Damon’s so called return process lingering? I want to disappear into thin air for being so blind with myself. Of course I’m in love with him!

“And you realized that by looking at a– oh.” A shimmer of understanding crosses her face and she looks down at my belly, gaping. “Are you…”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I can’t help a bitter smirk. “He won’t even have sex with me.” I take a napkin and wipe the tears off, shaking my head to myself. This is ridiculous.

“He won’t?”

“I mean, what’s up with that? Is he a virgin or something? Because I’ve been someone’s first before, I can handle it.”

“No, his first was–”

“Jenny Shepard,” I nod, remembering. “ Junior year of high school, I know.”

“He… told you about Jenny?” Jo asks, skeptically.

“Yeah, ‘cause we talk. We kiss and we laugh and we cuddle but, for some reason that is still utter mystery to me, his bed won’t serve for any other purpose than sleep. I mean, I’m not needy, okay? Save for 1903-PTSD, I’m not after him all the time. I’m good now. I don’t wanna be holding hands all the time, I don’t care for texts during the day, I’ve got my own stuff going on and he’s got his, but _damn_ … what am I supposed to do with him?”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“He doesn’t want to talk about it; he runs from it every time I _try_ to talk about it.”

            I’m angry with him now, and my eyes are inevitably drawn to that cute little baby that got his bottle back but doesn’t want it anymore. His mommy’s hair is so much more interesting now. I sigh; I can’t look away, even though it makes my chest ache. “I don’t know how it was for you and Alaric but… I hadn’t been thinking about it until now. The thought just came and locked, and I can’t unthink it.”

“What thought?” she asks in a soft voice, and I suspect she knows exactly what I’m talking about. My eyes resume stinging. Maybe if I voice it–

“I was thinking about my future children and I was picturing it and… he was there.” I close my eyes. I shouldn’t even think about that. And yet… “I love him so much, I don’t think I could ever have anyone else’s baby. I– I don’t know how to explain, I must sound like a crazy person right now but it’s like an evidence, like–”

“Like a need?” she offers. I lower my eyes to the Lights dancing around her belly. Two of them. I’d be so damn grateful to have one. Not right now, of course. But someday.

“It’s nonsense,” I whisper. “I’ve known him for five minutes, how can I even think stuff like that?”

“You two have been through quite a lot in five minutes,” she tells me gently. “I mean, look at Rick and me: one minute we’re dating and the next, we’re getting married and starting a family. When the person’s right, time means nothing.”

I shake my head. I don’t even want to be in love. Or do I? Well, I wasn’t planning on never falling in love again, but I was aiming for someday, not now. Not like this, not in this mess. And him? Do I want to be in love with _him_? Girl, you’re beyond deciding on that; besides, you love loving him.

But he’s a witch. My people _hunt_ them for a living. I’m not even supposed to be real friends with them… I mean, a careless flint would have been okay, but _this_? I’m pretty sure there’s a law against it.

“I always thought I’d retire from the hunt and meet someone and get married and have kids; the white picket fence and the dog, you know. But realizing that I’ll never have all that…”

“Who says you’ll never have all that?” Jo’s hand brushes my cheek and my hair. “Maybe he wants the same thing–”

“He never wants to have children,” I murmur. “I know. It came up in 1903. I don’t remember what we were talking about but… he doesn’t want to be a father, he was very clear on that. He doesn’t want to risk siring a siphoner, and he said he doesn’t have it in him to be a parent.” He doesn’t want to be in a position of failing them or hurting them as well. “And it didn’t use to matter because he wasn’t– but now…” My voice breaks and I inhale deeply. You can’t spend your time crying, Andy, get your shit together.

“Hey, people change their minds all the time; we’re human and we evolve. Maybe he needs to hear all this to have the same realization.”

“Or maybe he needs to hear all this to confirm I’m way more into him than he is into me. God, I love him so much; it’s embarrassingly pathetic. I so, so, so didn’t want to fall like that for anyone.”

“It’s terrifying, isn’t it?” She smiles. “To realize how much power that other person has over you.”

“You mean, the power to unilaterally decide there won’t be any kids?”

“We’ll talk about that when he sees how happy Rick and I are with our babies.” She looks at me with so much softness and tenderness, which is so different from how tough and stern she can be; she’s gonna be a great mother. “And if you can’t get him to change his mind about children, you can be the most loving auntie that ever lived. Or get a dog.”

            I can’t hold a snort. “He doesn’t like dogs.”

“Why are you into him again?”

            I chuckle at that, somehow moved that she would qualify me as her babies’ aunt. Kai and I are not exactly together after all, I’m not family, and there’s no way to tell whether I’ll still be here by the time she gives them birth. And yet, sitting here with her feels right. I’m actually grateful I uncontrollably burst into tears in front of her and not in front of him or Liv or… anyone else. God, I wish Alice would understand.

 

*****

 

            When Kai enters the diner, his eyes land on us, laughing, and he frowns. He walks up to our booth and sits down on the empty bench across from us, but we are so much caught up in our amusement that we genuinely, barely notice.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, it’s a true story,” Jo assures me. “He didn’t enter the kitchen for three days after that, in case the dog would still be there.”

            I chuckle and turn an amused smile to Kai.

“You never told me about Nestor.”

His eyes go from me to Jo, then back to me and he frowns even more.

“Nestor,” he repeats.

“Aunt Betty’s dog,” Jo reminds him. “You wanted to play throw-and-fetch with him, and he got a bit too excited and scared you to tears.”

“I was six. And that dog was… way too big and way too young to play with children.”

“I never had a problem with Nestor.”

“Of course you never had a problem with Nestor; the beast was scared of you.”

            I grin, genuinely happy to hear them bring up a childhood memory without the tears and the shouts. They laugh and it almost seems normal, ordinary; which they probably notice because the sound fades and the glance they share lingers. Tension isn’t far. Kai lowers his fond gaze before locking it on me.

“So,” he says lightly, “why did you wanna see me?”

“Jo wants to tell you something.”

“Huh,” he says, looking back at her, all amusement gone, “you do realize we’re meeting this afternoon already.”

“I do,” Jo says, very calm and solemn. “But I needed to talk to you on neutral ground.”

“Which is why I chose to meet at the Salvatores’.”

“I needed to see you alone.” Kai’s eyes flicker to me and she adds, “Andy’s my wingman here.”

“Yeah, she’s usually _my_ wingman now,” he says with a slight frown.

“Well, not today,” Jo asserts with more confidence. “Today she’s mine.”

            Do I tell them Liv asked me to be her wingman this afternoon when she got Kai’s text about a Parker reunion at the Salvatores’? Nah, I’ll just let them deal with the Gemini heirs first. Kai takes in the way Jo fiddles with her engagement ring, the way my hand is resting on her wrist, and he doesn’t say a word until the waiter leaves our table with his order.

“Are you sick?” he suddenly asks, paling.

“What?”

“Are you– Is anyone sick? Or about to die? It’s Liv, isn’t it? Liv is sick?”

“No one is sick,” she tells him. “No one is going to die, except maybe the glorious genius who ever invented heels.”  

“And corsets,” I offer.

“ _Right_?” She turns to me. “Have you tried my dress? Well, we could fit two of you in it. It’s like every time I try it on, it gets skinnier.”

“Actually, it’s… you getting bigger.”  

            We both turn to Kai; me, flabbergasted that he actually used the B-word in front of her; Jo, shooting him a look that could freeze hell in half a second.

“What did you just say to me?”

“He didn’t mean that,” I intervene, sensing an explosion coming. “You look beautiful.”

“You do,” her brother quickly adds. “Maybe a little– Yeah, no, you look beautiful. Beautifully pregnant. And healthy.”

“He can live without his eyes, right?” Jo asks me, not leaving him out of her sight.

“I like his eyes,” I plead.

“So no one’s dying, then,” he safely resumes.

“Not yet, but I might change my mind.”

            I purse my lips not to laugh, oh-so-happy with this conversation. The waiter comes back and fills a mug with coffee for Kai. The latter leans back in his seat, probably aware that his twin sister can’t actually resort to killing him without dying in the process. He rubs the back of his neck and exhales.

“Why are we here, Josette?”

“Right. Um, so you know how we all thought I was expecting a baby…”

            His face collapses at that and I don’t even need to say anything: she immediately reaches for his wrist, “Oh, God, no, nothing’s wrong with my pregnancy; baby’s healthy. In fact… they both are.”

            The words sink in and Kai’s face slowly, very slowly, lights up, as if he couldn’t dare believe it.

“You– You’re having twins.” His lips stretch in the widest grin as his gaze lowers to her belly. That look of happy disbelief he gives her warms my heart to a degree I never thought possible. Of course, I didn’t expect him to react in a negative way but this is… It gives me hope. Maybe– “Oh my God, Josette, that’s great. Congratulations!”

            Jo is surprised with his genuine reaction, and very impressed. She stares at him, and so much passes in their gaze that I almost feel like I shouldn’t be here. Almost.

“I wanna make a deal with you,” she says very seriously.

            The atmosphere cools down a bit, and Kai notices my slight frown: I didn’t know about that.

“What kind of a deal?” His voice is cautious.

“You let my children live their lives; you, the coven… you let them grow, unharmed and happy, and I’ll make sure they never merge and challenge your leadership.” The land blows as he understands the meaning of her words. He waits for his eyes to completely hide the pain before he lowers his gaze, and gently pulls away from her touch.

“You wanted Andy here to be sure I wouldn’t hurt you and your babies,” he understands. He leans back in his seat, tears gathering in his eyes. “Well, your twinsies can challenge me for leadership for all I care. It’ll be in twenty-two years. What do you think, that I’m some power-lusting monster that will cling to his crown when the next generation comes for it?

“I’m going to be a mother. I need to assume the worst from the entire world.”

“Right.” He has this sad, delusional smile that I hate, and scratches the back of his head. “Well, you know what, I’m leader, so I’ll make sure no one goes after your children. No need for a deal. Will that be all?”

“Kai,” I simply say, “tell her about the merge”

His eyes linger on me as he ponders, while Jo glances between the two of us, confused. He inhales and turns to her, but he won’t meet her eyes.

“I’ve been looking for a way to avoid merging in order to become leader.” Silence meets his words and when he finally risks a glance at her, she’s gaping.

“You what?” He rubs the back of his neck.

“Well, so many people have died over it, and it’s not even a good thing for the coven, I mean why would we accept to lose a witch after twenty-two years of training and living and… it doesn’t even make sense. It’s just an old, creepy tradition that no one really ditched, but it doesn’t mean–” He stops when she reaches for his wrist again and clenches his jaw.

“Thank you,” Jo says, taking in how he looks away and tries to hold back new tears. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

            He nods, once. Then he pulls away from her and leaves.


	54. Chapter 54

Fifty-four

 

_“You’re not going with me?” Kai asks._

_“Liv asked me first.”_

_My apologetic smile doesn’t keep him from eventually lowering his gaze with disappointment. “I’ll be in the room, though. I’ll be with you the whole time, and one sign from you and I’ll put an end to the whole thing.”_

_“No, it’s alright,” he says, giving me a sad smile I want to kiss away. “My brother asked me to do this, so I’m gonna do it.” He lifts my hand and presses a long kiss to my palm, one that seems to mean so much I can’t speak. “And Liv calling the dibs on you is actually a good lesson to learn.” I tilt my head, not following, and he tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. “It reminds me I should never take you for granted.”_

            On our way to Mystic Falls, this conversation won’t leave my mind. It’s a good thing Liv is driving, it gives me the opportunity to gaze at nothing throughout my window.

“Don’t you have something to say?” my friend asks after a moment. “Or to sing?” I shake my head, still lost in thoughts, and she frowns. “I’ll let you choose the music?” she tries. I snort and turn to face her.

“ _You_ would let me choose the music,” I repeat, not buying it for a second. What is it with Parkers and music in cars?

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I mean, you seem all pensive. I’m the one who’s going to a meeting with my only living brother; the one who managed to kill all of my siblings but one.”

            I inhale and crack my neck left and right. Not my story to share.

“I don’t wanna argue over that.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe _that_ would be open to argument.”

“What about your only living sister?” I say, changing the subject. “Are you planning on giving her an answer about being her maid of honor? Are you going to the wedding at all?”

“You know I’m going,” she says, giving me a sideway glance. “You and I went shopping for dresses and shoes last week.”

“Not the point. What about when she gives birth to your future nieces or nephews, will your name be on the emergency contact list? What if she asks you to be their Godmother?”

“Where are you getting at?”

“Are you going to allow her into your life at some point?” She opens her mouth, ready to throw something at me, but she catches herself and closes it. She chews on her lip for a while and I end up looking back to my window. When my friend speaks, her voice is so low, it’s almost like I invented it.

“What if I let her in and she leaves again?”

 

*****

 

            When we enter the house, Alaric and Jo are already there. Damon is here of course – drinking – and Elena and Stefan are talking about Lily. After Jo’s bachelorette party, Stefan tracked her down and locked her up in the cellar. Bonnie is currently downstairs, giving Lily her portion of blood for today. Mostly she and Stefan have been working on trying to get her ripper urges under control, while Damon won’t hear about it, pretending everything is normal, though he can see this experience is taking a toll on his brother.

            When Jo sees us, she almost gets up to greet Liv, but the latter walks to the other side of the room, and there is nothing I can do against that. While Luke was always easy-going and quick to make friends, Liv always had this bitchy attitude that wouldn’t make anyone want to be her friend. Now that I know her and what happened to her family, I understand it’s the best defense mechanism she came up with: don’t let anyone in so it won’t hurt when they leave or die on you. After losing so many people, after growing up away from Jo, who chose to get away from all this pain, it’s understandable that she wouldn’t welcome her with open arms.

“Okay,” Caroline cheerfully says when she comes downstairs. “I prepared the library for your private coven meeting.”

“Thanks for the snacks, Caroline,” Liv retorts, but her voice sounds sadder than ironical. “Iit’ll make it so much better.” When she realizes she doesn’t fool anyone, she heads upstairs. She is so not looking forward to sitting down with these two members of her family that somehow hurt her – on different levels – that I’m pretty sure she’s going to act all defensive the whole time. Great. I already can’t wait for this moment to be over.

            When the door rings, we all think it’s Kai and I’m the one to go. Instead, I end up inviting Enzo in; because the more, the merrier. And I could use some British humor to chill.

“What is going on here?” He asks when seeing us all gathered. “Has somebody died that I don’t know of?”

Or not.

“We’re just waiting for the almighty Gemini leader to deign to join us,” Damon retorts. “Do take a seat if you want to pointlessly wait here with us for something that you won’t get to hear anyway.”

Enzo’s brow raises at that. I know, it’s gonna be a real blast.

He turns to me when I exhale, watches me for a long second, then watches Jo and the others.

“Can’t hurt to stay for a drink,” he mumbles before heading to Damon’s alcohol consol.

            We don’t wait long for Kai to show up, and when he does, no one comments on the fact that he looks paler than usual. This is going to be so hard for him… I suddenly wish I had said it already. He’d hate me for that, but at least he wouldn’t have to suffer through it. God, Andy, you are such a lost cause.

He gives a circular look in the living room and Caroline lets him know that Liv is already upstairs. She’s been incredibly nice to him lately – not that they would see each other often, but she never treats him like he could snap. If anything, she’s been supportive, and friendly ever since the morning I slipped and said something about his feelings. Is there any chance she believed it?

“Let’s get this over with, then,” Kai says in a cheerful tone that doesn’t fool any of us.

“We’ll be _right here_ ,” Damon offers a bit mockingly, probably bored to spend part of the afternoon locked up in the house for no relevant reason – other than Jo’s early request.

            Kai stares at him, thinking, and Damon slowly loses his smirk for a unhappy wince, as he realizes this is not a joke.

“You know what,” my witch says. “Why don’t you all come along?” I clench my jaw at that, watching him clutch the old book he’s holding; he’s panicking.

Most of the others glance at me for a hint, but I don’t let him out of my sight, and neither does Damon.

“Aren’t you gonna discuss private Gemini stuff?” The vampire replies easily, suddenly not wanting to intrude.

“Yeah. But it’s bound to come out anyway and I never wanna have to go over this again, so… larger round of invites; everybody upstairs. Come on, move it along. You too, Bon-Bon, you’re gonna love it.” They look at me again and I slightly nod. When Kai and I are the last ones downstairs, I take his hand, squeeze it, and he inhales deeply. “Let’s get this over with.”

            One look inside the library is enough to make my palms sweat. Damon is lazily holding Elena in his arms, her back against his chest; next to them stand Bonnie, Stefan, Enzo – who mostly looks like he got trapped into this by mistake and wants out – and Caroline. They are all leaning against the farthest wall, trying to give a semblance of privacy to the Gemini, but we all know they’ll get to hear it.

Jo is sitting in an armchair and Alaric is standing behind her, a hand on her shoulder. As for Liv, she is sitting on the sofa, waiting for me to take place next to her. One armchair has been moved around to face everybody else. One versus all.

            Kai sits down as well and drops the book on the table next to him. “Wow, such an audience!” His grin doesn’t reach his eyes, though, and I think everybody senses that some serious shit is coming, and they are starting to feel uncomfortable _for_ him. “Where to begin?”

“How about you tell us why we’re here?” Liv’s voice is cold, bitter, and I want to beg her to shut it; it’s going to be difficult enough, she doesn’t need to make it worse.

“You’re here because your favorite leader has some coven information to share; four main points that will be discussed today. First, just so we’re all clear about it: family directives. On the inter-Covens scene, the Gemini are commissioned, by me, to reach out to other covens of witches and powerful bloodlines in order to get together and design a new Other Side.”

This announcement provokes surprise, but not in a bad way. However, Kai doesn’t leave anyone time to comment on the fact that he sounds like something good, and continues, “Second, on a more internal line, I have in mind to completely suppress the merge from our coven tradition–”

“ _What_ ,” Liv grits.

“…which means Jo’s twinsies won’t have to go through it in order to become leader. Or… leaders. I still need to work on the specifics, _but_ , no more dying over leadership.”

Liv opens her mouth, ready to object, but finds nothing to say. She stares at him in utter confusion, then glances at Jo, who looks very calm and serene about this. Even Alaric is shocked by this revelation, but Jo believes him. 

“Third order of business – and… my least favorite part.” He rubs the back of his neck and clears his throat. “Someone asked me very nicely to tell you the terrifying truth…” Some gazes turn to me but I don’t move. “…and I promised him that I would. So.” He inhales. “It’s actually very fitting to have so many vampires in the room; you’ll understand why in a moment.”

            My stomach wrings. I try not to focus on his shaking hands.  

“Once upon a time, a happy family of magicians lived in the magical land of Oregon. The father was this important community leader and the mother was…” He trails off, giving the floor a delusional smile, “the mother was caring, and the two children – let’s call them Hansel and Gretel – were young and gifted, and they were all… well, happy enough. I mean, Hansel and Gretel would one day have to compete to death for leadership, but no pressure, things were cool. Until that fateful day of 1980, when the parents realized Hansel wasn’t the gifted child they thought he was.”

“Are we on for the sad story of your life?” Liv deadpans, and I take her hand, shooting her a look.

“It’s a story, Liv. Don’t interrupt me when I tell it. Where was I? Oh, yes; ‘it was on a dreary night of November that they beheld the accomplishments of their toils’.”

“Is he quoting _Frankenstein_?” Damon asks in a low voice; Caroline instantly hushes him, giving him a look.

“Of course, they’d probably been raised with terrifying stories about heretic siphoners going all rippers on everybody, so when their eight-year-old little boy turned out to be a powerless creature, what do you think they did?” He raises an inquiring glance to the back of the room and they uncomfortably shift their weight from one foot to another, not liking where this is all going. “They shunned him, of course; cast him away, called him a freak, oh and my favorite: they made it a rule in the family that no one should touch him, ever. I mean, what if he were to hug someone and suck their magic by accident? He could have… you know, cast a spell on a broom and tried to fly all the way to the moon.”

“We’d get a bouquet of stars for Mom on the race back,” Jo lets out, tears already pooling in her eyes. Alaric squeezes her shoulder a bit tighter; behind us, people share uncomfortable glances. This heart-to-heart about his childhood is so at odds with what they would expect from him.

“You were always faster than me anyway,” Kai mutters before resuming his story. “He was eight, and they cast him away.”

“You mean, _you_ were eight,” Liv says dryly, and I clutch her hand tighter. “Y _ou_ were cast away. Let’s just stop pretending this isn’t about our family.”

“And what do you think that little boy did, Olivia, when his own mother started calling him an abomination of nature?”

“He lashed out to them–”

“He cried. Because he cared. He had feelings and he cried for nights and weeks. He begged his parents for a kiss, or a hug, or even a look.” They hold gaze, and their eyes fill with tears at equal rate. Liv looks away first, chewing on her lip.

“But it was over. He didn’t exist for them anymore. They’d stopped caring. And then they started having children again. Because such a freak cannot run for leader, right? And he was _bound_ to become an evil monster; I mean that lie, about Jo breaking the vase when it was him? So much potential to become a true villain.” My chest tightens. I hate to see him joke about it like that, but it’s also what hits them most. It makes them see the absurdity of all this.

“New babies were born, welcome and cared for, until a blessed new set of twins would arrive. Meanwhile, Hansel, was not allowed to be touched, or loved, ‘cause he wasn’t worth it anyway.”

“Look, I get that your version of the story is very sad, but you did kill four of our siblings in cold blood, and you came for us too. Don’t try and make it look like it was our parents’ fault.”

“Liv–” Jo begins.

“Dad told me about your changing moods, about how you would get angry out of nowhere and lash out to them.”

“Liv,” Jo repeats with more authority. “Shut up.”

“No, I mean, I get it,” Kai argues for her. “On certain days I would be normal and on others, I would get mad at anyone; that’s confusing.” He looks at his younger sister and she lowers her gaze. Tension builds and silence gets heavier. “Jo, do you remember the first time you actually saw me have that kind of crisis?”

“Uh– we were teenagers.”

“It had never happened before, right?” She shakes her head and he continues, “I’ll give you a hint, then: we were thirteen.” Jo slightly frowns, as she thinks and thinks and thinks, until she looks back up at him.

“The tree story,” she realizes.

“The tree story,” he simply confirms.

“What’s the tree story?” It’s the first time Liv’s voice isn’t aggressive. Progress.

“ _Don’t climb that tree, Jo_ ,” Kai calls, looking back at her while she whispers, “ _Leave me alone, I know what I’m doing_.”

            She shakes her head to herself and turns to Liv, “I fell off the tree and broke my arm. I let Kai have some of my magic to perform a healing spell, so mom and dad wouldn’t ground me.” She looks back at him, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

“But mom found out,” Kai resumes, inhaling deeply. “Such a loving woman. She yelled at me, healed Jo, and grounded me for three days. ‘You won’t be eating with us, Malachai, not until you learn not to steal people’s magic’. Of course, I completely missed the educational values that were certainly hidden somewhere in that; I just thought it was incredibly unfair and I could have cried myself to sleep. But by then, I had this.” He pushes the book towards them and a heavy silence fills the room again, until Jo takes it.

“Where did you get that?”

“The first time? In the attic. More recently? Under a floorboard in my old bedroom, where I last hid it. I brought it back from my trip to Portland.”

“What is it, mom’s favorite cook book?” Liv mocks, and her sister shoots her a look. I’m not the only one who’s feeling the urge to slap her, right? I mean, I _know_ it’s her way of blocking pain, and trying to appear strong and unbothered, but still. 

“It was one of Grandma Susan’s grimoires,” Jo explains.  

“I liked Grandma Suzie,” Kai lightly comments. “She didn’t hate me. Well, she couldn’t tell who we were half of the time; that helped.”

“And you brought it here because…?” Liv asks.

“First, it’s a proof, that I’m not making it up. Second, this thing was my lifeline for nearly eight years. I bookmarked the right spell for you.” He straightens up, addressing the vampires for the first time, “You guys can take a look if you want; I’m pretty sure it was transcribed from the original spell that created vampires. It’s about your ‘flipping the switch’ thing; it’s a nasty one, isn’t it?”

“Oh my God,” Bonnie lets out, and his eyes lock on her.

“Ah, Bon-Bon’s figured it out.”

“What did you do?” she whispers.

“I did what each of your friends did when they had the opportunity to stop the pain. I turned it off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Apologies for the late update, I went away for the weekend! 
> 
> Also, big shout out to Fandom Hoarder, who always take the time to comment. Thank you :)
> 
>  
> 
> Oooouh, I'm so excited for this part of the story. Cause you and I kinda already know all this of course, but the others don't, and they're obviously gonna react to his story... 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I wish you all a lovely week and I'll be seeing you soon for another one :)


	55. Chapter 55

Fifty-five

 

“Wait a minute,” Damon says, frowning as he straightens. ‘You’re saying you didn’t have your emotions on since you were _thirteen_?”

            All vampires in the room are staring at Kai, understanding better than anyone to what extent this revelation could change everything they know about him, because they all found themselves in the position where they turned their feelings off and did terrible things. Elena, Caroline, Stefan… you can already read compassion all over their faces.

“Not exactly,” Kai answers, as if he were discussing some ordinary spell with him. “It was temporary. It would take your feelings away for about a day, which was nice, but then, your most violent feelings would start rushing back first; feelings like anger and rage… they’d spin inside for a about an hour until the rest of your emotions would settle back. But during this hour, you’d get mad for anything; hence the violent scenes.”

            His voice is a whisper when he finishes; he’s staring at the ground, clenching his jaw so as not to cry. Silence falls as they all give him a minute, understanding where he’s going with that, and Jo is the first one to talk, “So… you did this to yourself several times?”

            He nods, once. She looks down at the grimoire, changing her grip on it multiple times. She knows what he is about to explain, and she believes him already. They grew up together after all and it is all starting to make sense now. Besides, she’s seen him since he got back from 1903, she’s been trying not to think of it, trying to push the emotion away every time it felt like her brother was truly back. How many times did she have to remind herself of what he did to her family in order not to reach out or resume loving him? She knows this is true; and she has no idea how she’s feeling about it exactly, nor how to react.

“Every time they’d say something… every time they’d ground me over stealing your magic, or when they’d tell the others to stay away from me–” his voice breaks and he has this powerless shrug that makes me want to take him in my arms. “I started using it on a regular basis and… I mean, I get now why they’d think me insane in addition of being a siphoner, with the changing moods and all but… they never tried to understand or– It only confirmed to them that I was some lost, crazy person, who wasn’t fit to lead, who didn’t even deserve to be there…”

            He focuses on Jo’s silent tears, and even Alaric closes his eyes, slowly shaking his head. Are they thinking of their future twins? Are they wondering whether they could even do that to one of them if he or she turned out to be a siphoner as well? Kai clears his throat.

“I stopped using it when we left for college and things got better. I was a normal guy, I was– just like you. I wasn’t deranged and I wasn’t evil. I’d go home very rarely, only to see the others and the twins when they were born, and most of the time it was only for a couple days, I could handle it. But even when I’d spend months without actually doing anything wrong, without even accidentally siphoning anyone’s magic, they’d say something or look at me like you’re all used to doing by now and… sometimes it was too much. I was older, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to go without emotions, I just– I didn’t know what to do.”

Elena is pressing a sadly horrified hand to her mouth, and I believe even Bonnie’s eyes aren’t dry. Liv is staring at the grimoire, she won’t look up, and I have no idea what is going on in her head.

“I couldn’t wait for the merge to happen, because either Jo won and it’d be over anyway, or I won and, not only would I get powers of my own, but also I’d get to be coven leader… I mean, they’d _have_ to acknowledge me as part of it, they’d see I was fit to lead and I’d be so good at it, just to prove them wrong, you know, just to show them that I wasn’t that piece of trash they saw in me…” He wipes a tear away and swallows. He doesn’t want to go through it; not aloud, not again; not in front of them. But he promised Luke.

“You and Lucas were too young to obey them when they’d tell you to stay away,” he tells Liv, looking no higher than her knee, “Jo and I had just come back for the break and you were so excited to see us… When mom said she couldn’t wait for the younger twins to merge, I snapped  at her… Not in a crazy-witch way, just in a normal– broken-hearted way, I mean they couldn’t just– take the merge from me, it was my only chance to be part of our family again and… We had the worst argument; dad wasn’t even there to keep us from lashing out, and she said all these things to me, I– I went to my room and… when I was done crying, I cast the spell. I just– I just wanted to stop thinking about it for the night and get some sleep and– I’d drive back to campus the next day and they wouldn’t hear from me anymore. But it didn’t– It didn’t go as usual.” His eyes are closed now and tears keep rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t know what went wrong, maybe it was the one time too many; maybe it could have happened sooner or the next time I used it… I felt nothing for about an hour, but then the anger rushed back and it just– locked. And I was– I didn’t even realize I was trapped in it, not until my feelings came back after the merge. I was– nothing more than pure anger and resentment and… there was nothing inside that would make me stop, I–”

            He buries his face in his hands, incapable of facing them now. He’s said enough; they know. He can’t hide anymore behind this image of the former villain who might start caring when he doesn’t have better things to do, because now they know he never was one. He was this sad boy who kept making the same bad choice again and again, because he didn’t want to feel unloved.

“So you didn’t do it on purpose, that’s what you’re saying.”

            Liv’s voice is hard, full of heartbreak and anger, and her eyes are full of tears. He looks at her cautiously.

“I loved you, Olivia; I loved all of you. I just wanted to sleep without the pain, no one was supposed to get hurt.”

“So it makes it okay that you killed our family?”

“No, of course, not–”

“Good. Cause it doesn’t change _anything_ to what you did.”

“Actually, it does.” Stefan’s voice is calm, but firm. “It’s one thing to know he killed your family, it’s another thing to know it wasn’t really him.”

“But it _was_ him. _He_ did this.”

“I’m a vampire, Liv. I know what it’s like not to have your emotions on; you’re not you anymore; everything that makes you a human being, any sort of compassion that keeps you from kicking a kitten or killing an old lady, it’s all gone. I killed dozens of people, because I was thirsty and I couldn’t stop drinking their blood,” Stefan states, trying to make her understand.

“And he only killed four children, so we should just forgive him and be a happy family,” she mocks, tears blurring her vision. She clutches my hand tighter and I squeeze.

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me; I’ll never forgive myself either.”

“ _Good_.”

Ouch. I feel like I’m hearing myself when I first learned he felt horrible about his past. Stefan shakes his head, not ready to let this go, “No one is minimizing what happened to your family, Liv, no one is saying it’s nothing. But you have vampires here, and we all did terrible, _terrible_ things when we didn’t have our feelings to stop us.”

“I killed more people than Kai ever did,” Enzo mutters in agreement.

“I recently killed three persons,” Caroline adds, nearly crying as well, “because I was bored.”

“I killed a pregnant woman,” Damon says in a low voice, “and she was family.”

 “I was a ripper for decades. And yet, we’re all here; because we all know it’s not something we’d do in normal circumstances; but it did happen, and it’s not okay, but we have to live with it now; we each have to live with ourselves and with what we did.” The blond witch glares at Stefan through her tears, and I can’t tell whether she’s calming down or not. “Of course your anger and your pain are legitimate, but knowing what really happened makes things more complex than just being guilty. None of us needs to be reminded of all the horrible things we did when we were basically sleepwalking; we have our own guilt and our own consciousness for that.”

            I could hug Stefan right now. I shouldn’t be surprised to see him defend Kai, especially since he’s been struggling for a long time to come to terms with his past as a ripper; but as much as I can tell he deeply understands the torments of being responsible while not being entirely responsible, I was not expecting him to speak out for my witch.

Jo remains silent, thinking and thinking, and Alaric won’t say anything but he’s known vampires long enough to understand that; and that’s the key point. Kai doesn’t even hope they’ll forgive him, he’s not asking for that because he knows it’s not possible; what he did ruined too many lives, it destroyed his family; he is asking them to _understand_ , to acknowledge that he wasn’t always a lost cause and that he can be better in the future. He is asking them to accept him, with his loaded past of mistakes and regrets; he is asking them to be a part of our clan.

“You never asked what happened to mom,” Liv tells him – _accuses_ him. Kai closes his eyes again, guilty.

He told me he saw her name in the family mausoleum when he went to see his siblings. She was buried with her children only a couple days after May 10th, and after some digging, he found in the local newspapers’ archives that she’d killed herself. His greatest shame was when he confessed to me that even if he still resented her and his dad for unfairly taking back that unconditional love they had always given him, he’d let himself feel sad about it for a moment, and he’d cried. Because he still had this memory of her loving him when he was young, and all he’d wanted was for her to love him again.

“She killed herself after what you did.” Liv is standing now, crying, but no one can stop her from pouring out as well what’s been on her heart for so long. “Luke and I were _four_ , and you’d already taken everything from us. We grew up without our siblings and we grew up without a mother, because of you. Dad was alone to raise us, because of you. His entire world collapsed when you cast that spell; he cried for so many years… you don’t ever get to feel better about it.”  

I watch her storm out of the room, torn between staying here with him and going after her. When my eyes meet Kai’s, he nods me to go with her and I do so. I’m not worried about leaving him with the others now, I’m pretty sure they won’t give him a hard time about it.

            Kai stands up as I step out of the room, and he tries to sound light when saying it’ll be all for now. I don’t get to see Jo rise to her feet and search his eyes with cautious hope, before taking him in her arms. I don’t get to see him freeze with surprise, because he doesn’t know what to do; she hasn’t hugged him in decades, and for a moment he looks like a confused child and he can’t even tell whether it soothes more than it hurts. He eventually wraps his arms around her, carefully, timidly, and closes his eyes. He draws a long, shaky breath, cherishing this contact more than he could tell. Everybody else leaves the room in order to let them cry.

 

            I spot Liv under the tree, she’s sitting at the edge of the woods behind the house. I sit down next to her and none of us speaks for a moment; she’s still crying, though her eyes could murder anyone who tries to intercede. I prefer not to say anything for now, because I know this is hard on her, but I also very much want to yell at her for talking to Kai the way she did while he was exposing his greatest wound to them all. It almost physically hurts, to be so torn between the two of them.

“Is that what he told you when you were in 1903?” Her voice is quiet, but I can tell she’s still angry. Angry that in addition of taking all these people from her, of taking me from her, he seems to have taken the only valid enemy. “Is that why you changed your mind about him?” When I nod, she turns her face to me. “And you believed him?” Half-disbelief, half-anger. How could I swing sides, that’s what she’s asking.

“What I didn’t realize right away,” I say, looking at the grass before us, “is that as soon as I saw part of Luke’s Light in him, I couldn’t hate him anymore. I could dislike him, despise him, but I couldn’t hate him; because I’d be hating what’s left of Luke.” She follows my gaze on the grass, exhaling deeply. I don’t speak for a while, remembering one of the earliest days in 1903:

_“Busy having indecent thoughts about me?” The witch’s voice summons me back to reality._

_“I was actually wondering whether it would affect your coven if I were to kill you while we’re stuck in this prison world.”_

_“And here I was, thinking you just couldn’t resist my charms and good-looks.”_

_I snort. “Trust me, the smug ego and the hobby for murder help resist.” His playful face falls._

_“Could you– Would you mind not being mean to me while we’re here?” he requests in a quiet voice._

_“Is that a joke?” I deadpan. He doesn’t answer right away, but slightly frowns._

_“It’s not real, is it?” I arch an inquiring brow at the softness in his tone. “This. You and me, we… we’re not actually becoming friends, are we?”_

_“Is that a real question?”_

_He frowns some more, clearly at a loss. “But you_ act _friendly–”_

_“Dude, you killed my closest friend and tried to kill all of our crew, me included. We can help each other out and joke around all you like while we’re here, but there’s no actual becoming friends or anything.”_

_The blow lands, and once again he looks like I slapped him in the face. I gotta say it’s pretty cool: I get to hit without risking to kill him. I should talk to him more often._

_“But you’re a hypocrite,” he tries to object. “You’re a witch hunter, you’ve killed people too; we’re not that different from each–”_

_“I’m nothing like you,” I spit. “You’re right, I have killed. Dozens of times. I was fourteen when I killed for the first time. Not because it was fun and not because I wanted to, but because there are sick people like you who are so dangerous that if I don’t take them out, then a hundred more people can die because of them. You stand for everything that I hate, and I couldn’t despise you more than I do.” His face is impassive but he swallows hard, and I believe tears are starting to gather in his eyes._

_“I think you’ve said enough,” he whispers, walking away._

“I was plainly awful to him, because like you, I thought he deserved to feel nothing except pain. I used to imagine ways to kill him, to make him suffer. But I didn’t stop watching and assessing. He’d go sit by the fire during the night and cry for hours, and all I could think of was ‘Good. You deserve this.’.” I shake my head to myself, ashamed of the way I behaved with him when I didn’t know the whole story. “We were stuck with each other for what could have been years, we…” I shake my head. “Some barriers fell. We started sharing, and when he did tell me what happened, it made me see things from a different perspective. I didn’t grow up with you, Liv, I didn’t share your family history… To you he was always the monster that ruined everything, and I get that it’s hard for you to believe he could ever be something else–”

“And yet you care for him; you _forgave_ him. Even Jo…” She trails off and shakes her head to herself. “Even Jo is on his side now.”

“She’s seen him a little more than you have recently,” I say as softly as I can. “She’s seen what he is now and she knew him before. She believes him because she knows him. It doesn’t mean she’ll forgive him, and it doesn’t mean that you have to.”

“She grew up with him… I mean, she went through this too, but she actually has good memories with him, she loved him before he cast that spell– I mean if they were anything like Luke and me, I get she’d want her twin back, I get it.” Tears start pooling in her eyes again and she shakes her head. “But how am _I_ supposed to accept this? How am I supposed to _feel_ after that? I don’t know him, I know nothing of him, except that he beat my brothers and sisters to death, and I sure as hell don’t love him.”

“He’s not even asking for that, Liv. He was only explaining what really happened, so that _you_ can live with him as your leader and actually believe him when he says he’s gonna build a new Other Side or change the Gemini Constitution for the better. He hates thinking about what he did, because he knows it’s all his fault, and it hurt him the entire time he was talking today. But he did it anyway, so that _you_ would know he is up to no evil, so that maybe you’d understand.”

 “Well, I don’t care what hurts him.” Her voice is a whisper that sneaks all the way to my heart and clutches it. I remember how I liked seeing him suffer after Luke’s death; the more hurtful things I would find to say, the better. She’s still there, blaming the usual villain for taking one more family member from her.

“He cares about what hurts you,” I simply say. “He took a risk when telling you–”

She snorts at that and wipes a tear. “It’s not like I could kill him anyway.”

“No, but he basically explained that it was accident, that he gets to live every single day knowing he destroyed his family because he wasn’t strong enough to take the pain of being unloved by them. He didn’t want any of this, no more than you did. It happened to him too. He could have let you believe he was evil or truly deranged, but he didn’t. He chose to let you know how sorry he is, and how he’ll never forgive himself for what he did. He took the risk of you knowing the truth and still seeing him as a monster, and that’s what terrifies him; that despite knowing what happened, you’d still think he’s not worth loving, that you’d choose to reject him as well.”

            She hugs her knees and buries her face in her jeans.

“But it’s not _fair_ ,” she cries. “He did it. I wish he hadn’t told me.”

“So you’d get to blissfully hate him?” I murmur. She doesn’t answer but cries, and I pass my arm around her shoulders. Several minutes go by, during which I rub her back for comfort. I’ve been here before, wishing I could hate him and feel good about it, but my perspective on this can’t compare with hers. “You never told me why you wear these rings,” I say after a long while and she hides her hands. “You have your style and I never asked, but you always wear them, no matter what. All four of them.” She clenches her jaw. “Kai also wears four,” I add in a low voice. “Two on each hand. One for each of the siblings who died because of him that night. It’s a reminder.”

“Don’t tell me we have something in common,” she says with a spiteful wince, fiddling with her rings.

“He stored happy memories of each of them in his rings. I know you were too young to remember a lot about them but… maybe it’s something he could share with you someday?”

“I don’t want to share things with him,” she whispers. “I don’t want to betray my dad, or Luke, or all the others.”

“I don’t get to tell you about the others, or your dad, but you wouldn’t betray Luke. In fact–” I bite my lip; I shouldn’t be the one telling her this, Kai was supposed to tell her and Jo today. “Kai has something else to tell you.”

            She straightens and wipes her tears, sniffing.

“I think he’s said enough for now.”

“Liv–”

“No,” she cuts, clear and unflinching. “I don’t want to hear about any of this right now. I’m heading back to campus; whatever he has to say won’t be for today.” She rises to her feet, brushes the back of her jeans and goes to her car. I sigh and follow her; it’s not my secret to tell.

 

*****

 

            When I get to Kai’s place that night, I’m exhausted. Liv went to drink her pain away and I sort of followed her, fearing she’d get too drunk for her own good. I watched her all night, wondering what was going on in her mind. She basically spent her entire life believing Kai was deranged and hearing her dad blame it all on him; then she was depressed about the merge, kill your twin or be killed, then she met with Kai again, who entirely matched the description she’d heard her whole life, then she lost Luke and got to hate her older brother even more, and now… Now she finds out everything she thought she knew about him was wrong. How can she process that?

            I took her home before she had too much to drink, and put her to sleep. Then I drove back to downtown McKinley and finally got to close that door behind me, resting my back against it just long enough to take a deep breath after today. I’m exhausted, but I can’t wait to talk to him and comfort him after his day. And indeed, the very sight of him seems to partly recharge my batteries. He pulls me in for a hug as soon as I step into the living room, and we stay like that for a long time. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be, because somehow, being here, in his arms, it’s where I belong.

We don’t bother about dinner, we don’t get comfortable on the couch for a movie or a video game or a reading night. We stand, together; survivors. He tells me about Jo’s embrace and how it felt weirdly natural, like some old memory echoing from deep inside. He tells me how she whispered in his ear that she loved him and that she missed him. She was still cautious when she pulled away, but he thinks she might be willing to see past his mistakes someday, and that was a breath of fresh air and hope for him, and he loved it.

            He also tells me how he apologized to Bonnie once more, and how she stared at him for the longest time, and said that she wasn’t forgiving him, but acknowledged his apology. Again, relief and hope. Even Elena hugged him – which he didn’t really like –, saying he was not irredeemable and they were all a proof of it. He tells me how he felt uncomfortable and vulnerable when they all turned this compassionate or understanding eye to him, but it hurt less than loathing and accusation; he thinks.

            He also thanks me for being there; even though I wasn’t holding his hand, he says I was a support to him and he couldn’t have gone through it without me. My heart fills with love and hope, because I know he cares a lot about me, and one day he might actually love me back. I hold on to that, just as I hold on to him.

We lie awake in bed for a long time, talking about what he hasn’t told them yet. I was right not to tell Liv, it should come from him. It might change how she sees him, it might help her accept him. Maybe.

I snuggle closer and close my eyes; he kisses my cheek, his arms around me. I love you, Kai Parker.


	56. Chapter 56

Fifty-six

 

Kai enters the diner and instantly spots them. They are both sitting in a booth, facing each other, but they are not talking. Liv is scrolling on her phone, distractedly sipping her soda, while Jo is fiddling with her engagement ring; her juice is intact.

The younger Parker only moves to Jo’s bench when she sees him and he sits down across from them. He looks cautious, nervous about this meeting, and his twin has this slight, encouraging smile, while Liv can’t bring herself to look at his face.

“You didn’t ask Andy to join you,” he tells Jo. Again, this timid smile from her, signaling she trusts that he won’t try to hurt her or her children; she believes him. And that means so much to him.

“I did,” Liv states. Just so everybody is clear on that. She did ask but Andy had already planned to spend the afternoon with Jess and Tina, and when she said she _would_ come if Liv really didn’t feel safe around Kai, the blond witch reluctantly told her to go see her suitemates. First, because Andy has been a shield for enough people in their family drama, and second, because Liv doesn’t exactly feel in danger with her brother anymore, she’s registered the not-an-evil-sociopath part of the story; she just doesn’t feel comfortable around him.

            She can look at him without the filter of hatred now and she only sees how much he looks like her dad, and Luke, and even Jo when he winces. She knows he’s not even a bad person. And yet, she can’t bring herself not to resent him.

“You wanted to see us?” Josette prompts.

“Yes. I… There was something else I was supposed to tell you the other day, and I didn’t get to it, so…”

            Liv represses a dry riposte, knowing it’s not even productive to throw something at him; it won’t even feel good anymore. Kai waits for the waiter to take his order and leave, before reaching for something under his shirt. Not a necklace, but a ring on a chain–

“That’s Luke’s,” Liv immediately realizes with a frown, intently watching Kai as he sets it before them on the table. Jo glances at Liv, then at Kai, not really understanding. “I looked for it for weeks,” the younger one reproaches him, snatching it.

“Andy saved it after the merge,” he says, watching it as if he could see their brother through it.

“She had it? This whole time?” You can now hear the anger in her voice, especially since Andy’s figured out why Liv wears a ring for each sibling that died. She thought the item lost; how could Andy keep it all this time and not say a word about it?

“Don’t be mad at her for keeping it,” Kai says. ‘He would have wanted her to have it–”

“Don’t do that,” Liv grits. “You don’t know anything about him; don’t you start telling me what he would have wanted.”

            Kai opens his mouth and closes it, inclining his head. She hates that he won’t say anything uncaring to fuel her anger; she hates all this pain and weakness that overtake his features so easily. ‘Get up and fight,’ she wants to throw at him. She’s not ready to make peace.

“You’re right, I… don’t know anything about our brother and you’re probably the only one who could actually tell what he’d want but… Andy’s ancestors are in there, Liv.”

“What?” Jo’s voice conveys the shock on their faces, and they look very alike when their eyes widen at the same time.

“It’s the reason why Andy ever stepped out of the dark and made this alliance with him,” Kai continues. “When the Other Side was going down and you were doing this spell to bring him back, Andy asked him to save the spirits of her dead ancestors from going down with it. He stored them in this ring and they were planning on drafting a new Other Side one day and set them free.”

“That’s why you want to rebuild it,” Jo understands; Kai shakes his head.

“It’s not just that. We can’t let people die and go nowhere. As witches, we have a responsibility to all supernaturals to do something about it. We have the means, we just need to get together with enough power to relaunch it.” He stops talking, not sure why his twin is smiling like that. This can’t be pride, right? “Anyway, her mom is in there, along with her dead ancestors. Now I know how much you’d want this ring for yourself but it’s also fairly safe for me to assume he’d want her to have it, to have her family.” He holds Liv’s gaze, waiting for her approbation and she only nods, knowing him to be right.

“Okay,” he exhales. He waits for the waiter to set his glass of water on the table and gives him a polite nod, only resuming when the latter is gone. “I know I can’t bring him back, but– I took Andy to see her mom a couple times; they got to talk, and, um… we found out that there weren’t only dead Lightbringers in there… Luke is there, too.”

            Shock. Utter shock and confusion take over their faces. He doesn’t know how to handle their pain slash grief slash hope, so he keeps talking until they say something, “When he sensed he was losing the merge, he put his last forces into saving his spirit in it. He knew Andy would hold on to the ring until she found a way to save them, so he waited. He never thought he’d get to talk to her again; or to me.”

“You’ve been there,” Jo realizes. “You’ve talked to him.”

“To his spirit, yes,” Kai points out, taking care not to give Liv weird hopes or anything. “He’s the one who asked me to tell you… about my feelings, so I did.” He watches Liv for a while, as she stares at the ring, tears gathering in her eyes. “I can take you to see him if you want. Or not– if you don’t want to. Uh– I just thought you should know his spirit isn’t gone. He’s here; he’s safe.” Liv clutches the ring and looks up at him.

“Thanks for telling me,” she says, sincerely, though not really looking happy about it, “but I don’t need you to see him.” The rejection is clear and he lowers his gaze, needing another breath to object as softly as he can.

“Actually, you do. He didn’t really get to control what he was doing and… he locked it somehow. I’ve noticed I can only go there because of his magic, not because of Jo’s.” Liv sits back in her seat, chewing on her lip. “Look, you can… try if you want, I just thought– I just–” He takes a deep breath. “Just let me know when you want me to take you, any of you, and I will.” He wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans and gets up to leave, but his younger sister grabs his sleeve to stop him. He looks down but she doesn’t look up; she doesn’t even speak at first, only staring at the ring and thinking, before nodding her head.

“Now. I want to see him now.”

 

            Kai unlocks the door and keeps it open, allowing his sisters in. He has never invited anyone over, except Andy, and he is feeling weirdly nervous at the prospect. The diner literally was across the street, but this location might be a bit too private. First, his feelings, now his personal space; isn’t he giving them too much at once?

They both discreetly look around, curious to discover where he lives, and Liv realizes it’s not some dark, creepy place. It’s even cleaner than her room. She remains in the living room, looking throughout the window, clutching Luke’s ring, while Jo follows Kai in the kitchen space.

            He takes three glasses out of the cabinet and when he opens the fridge for a bottle of water, she squints at a detail before smiling. She slides the magnet away and takes the Polaroid picture, where Kai and Andy are smiling at the camera. They look like they’re on a ski vacation, like some normal couple, and that makes her smile.

“You two look happy.”

Kai looks up at her words and immediately snags the picture, tucking it in his back pocket and glancing at the living room.

“That’s private.” He motions to leave but Jo holds his arm.

“You should tell her how you feel.” He freezes, clenching his jaw and giving her a look. 

“You know nothing about–”

“All I know,” Jo says in this soft, firm voice of hers, “is that every time you look at her, she lights up from within, and she smiles; but as soon as you look away, she cries.” His face falls at that, and she gives a squeeze on his forearm before heading back to the living room.

            When he joins them, they are both observing his living space quietly, as if it could help them figure out more about him.

“Aren’t you a bit old to read that?” Liv asks, almost not coldly, and he follows her gaze to the coffee table where a hardback copy of _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone_ is lying. A gift from Andy; he can’t help a smile at the thought of it.

“Well, I never got to read it before, so…” he trails off and shrugs. There are so many things that he didn’t get to do. He pushes the thought aside, letting them sit on the couch, and takes an armchair, explaining how it’s going to go. They nod and Jo is the first one to give him her hand.

They share a glance, as he tries to convey in one squeeze how much it means to him that after all these years, she would do something as simple and ordinary as giving him her hand; like she trusts him with her life and the magic of her babies, and like it’s okay for her to touch him. He closes his eyes and inhales, letting gratitude fill his heart. For a moment, they’re children again, and they’re fine; she loves him.

            And then he holds his hand for Liv, who reluctantly complies, and at the sight of their joined hands, he freezes. She witnesses the complete shift on his face, the way his eyes fill with tears, while still locked on their hands, and she can’t help the lump forming in her throat. It’s like he’s caught up in a memory only he has; he gives a cautious stroke and his chin start shaking.

“You used to have such tiny hands,” he whispers to himself, disbelief piercing through his voice. All this time that went by since the last time he held her hand, where did it all go?

            A tear drops from his eye and he pulls away from them both, getting up and walking away. A door slams and the two sisters share a look.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Jo decides after several minutes of tense silence. She gently knocks on the door and opens it, peeking inside. The bedroom is clean, almost bare, though she notices Andy’s jacket on a chair. Kai is standing, resting his hands and his brow against a wall; his eyes are closed and he shakes his head, trying to control his breathing. “Are you okay?”

“I wasn’t there, Jo. I missed everything. I _ruined_ everything and then I missed all that was left. I didn’t see them grow, I didn’t–” he takes a painful breath. “I don’t exist for them.”

“Were you that close to us?”

Jo turns around to see Liv in the doorframe. Her face won’t let any emotion show, but at least she doesn’t look angry.

“You were too young to know what a siphoner was,” he whispers. “You didn’t care about coven hierarchy, you were the last ones– The last ones not to see me as a freak. Every time I got back, I was terrified you’d learn how to say ‘aberration’ or you’d obey them when they said we couldn’t hug or hold hands– You were the last ones.” He shakes his head and more tears roll on his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he says, trying to sound more composed, “I’ll be right here, just–”

            He stops when Jo places her hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it for comfort. He sniffs, nodding his gratitude, and Liv watches them for a moment, before going back to the living room.

            When he comes back, his eyes are dry but red. He looks serious and composed, but he won’t meet their gazes, and it stirs something inside them both to see him so vulnerable and embarrassed to be, because now that he’s told them the truth, he can’t hide behind the mask of the one who never cared; he can’t hide from them how unsafe he feels when it comes to them.

He takes their hands again and tries to focus as they close their eyes and let a happy memory with Luke invade their whole being. Jo pictures him as a toddler, when he took his first steps on his own, standing approximately and grinning at her. Liv has so many more to choose from, she doesn’t know which one to pick at first, until she settles on a night they spent at their suite; she wasn’t feeling well because of the upcoming merge and Luke improvised a movie night, with only her favorites, and went to buy tons of ice cream, chocolate and chips. They were both so sick the next day, she can’t hold back a smile.

“We’re here.”

            When they open their eyes, the three of them are standing on the front porch of a massive house. Everything around them is blurry, undefined, but this glowing filter on everything they see signals they are not in the real world. Liv looks down at their hands and Kai’s eyes follow; he opens his hand, not quite letting go just yet, but letting her decide, and she makes a tremendous effort not to snatch it abruptly, but rather gently – well, Liv’s version of gently. He’s taking her to see Luke, she can at least do that.

            When the eldest Parker takes a step forward, the front door opens and a middle-aged woman faces them, surprised.

“Kai?” she asks, before glancing at the other two.

“Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Moreau,” he answers with caution. “We’re here to see my brother?”

            Liv and Jo share a glance; he sounds like he’s asking permission. Is Andy’s mom such a pain in the neck or is it him who doesn’t feel comfortable with her?

“Andy’s not with you?”

“Not today. I’ll bring her back to you soon.”

            She watches him again, assessing, before opening the door wider so they can step in. Jo takes the liberty of introducing herself and Liv to Laura Moreau and they exchange a few words, until Lucas enters the room, drawing everybody’s attention.

Watching him and Liv share this embrace provokes mixed feelings for Kai. On one hand, he is so happy for them to be reunited, he cautiously stores in his memory the way they smile at each other through their tears, and on the other hand, he can’t help feeling guilty for separating them in the first place. Luke should be alive, not him. If he’d won the merge, they’d be fine.

            He watches them talk and cry and hug, as silent tears roll down his cheeks, and Jo takes his hand. She watches the younger twins as well, somehow feeling like everything is back to normal for a moment. She also gets a hug from the youngest witch, and he congratulates her on her own twins. He keeps Liv’s hand in his as they talk, happy to share this moment with them, and Kai watches them, almost from the outside, wishing he were allowed to belong with them, wishing they’d look at him the way they look at each other.

“You told them.” Lucas just turned his face to him. Kai cautiously nods.

“You asked me to,” he responds in a low voice, giving an unsure shrug. He slightly frowns when seeing Luke extend a hand for him to shake. He looks up and scans his face, finding nothing but a grateful smile that goes right through his heart.

“Thank you, brother, for letting me say goodbye.”

            Kai clenches his jaw, trying not to cry and apologize once more – he knows Lucas believes him and grew tired of it after his second visit. He takes his brother’s hand, grateful for the gesture, and Luke pulls him in for their first embrace as grown men, as brothers. “Take good care of them,” the youngest Parker says in his ear. Kai holds him close, reliving every time he held Lucas in his arms when he was a child.

“I will,” he promises.

            When they pull back, both brothers can see the tears in each other’s eyes; they share a conniving smile.


	57. Chapter 57

Fifty-seven

.

 

            I look at my phone when it rings and bite my lip. A text from Alice that I won’t be reading tonight. I know I can’t avoid her forever, I’m gonna have to tell her the truth at some point. I just wish I had more time.

I reach for the keys in my pocket and unlock the door. Kai is sitting at the dining table, sealing a letter. He looks rather peaceful, and the smile he gives me when seeing me reaches to his eyes. I love that smile.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I smile back, leaning against the table next to him.

“How was your day with your friends?” He takes my hand and distractedly caresses it.

“Good. It was nice seeing them, especially since they’re done with their last finals as well. We went bowling and ended up at the _Salsa_.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

I nod and return the question. “I went out to grab a bite with Alaric.” Alaric? Did I hear that right? I arch a brow and he laughs, standing up and transferring Luke’s ring from his neck to mine.

“How did it go?” I ask.

“Better than I could have hoped for. Luke was… it was good being there with him; the four of us.” I smile and he takes me in his arms, giving me the softest kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my brow on his, at peace, content. “Thank you,” he whispers, brushing my hair.

“For what?” He gazes at me with the same unfiltered devotion he would allow more often, back in the twentieth century, and my heart starts racing. He shakes his head, grinning some more, and presses a kiss to my lips.

“Thank you.”

            When I raise to the tip of my toes for another kiss, he turns his head to the table and holds an envelope for me to see. My heart sinks in my chest but I focus on the envelope.

“What’s that?”

“Jo gave it to me before leaving; I believe you had one too.”

I slightly squint, recognizing the clean writing that reads ‘Kai Parker’ and open the letter.

“It’s an invitation to her wedding,” I breathe out. My witch beams at me, tears pearling at the corner of his eyes.

“Alaric doesn’t mind,” he says, almost in disbelief. “And she already asked Caroline to find me a tux… I’m going to Jo’s wedding!”

I can’t help but smile at his pure, unfiltered joy. He sounds like a happy child and for a moment, all I can think about is that this is it. This wedding is Jo’s first step toward him; he’s going to be part of her family again. I hold him close, genuinely happy for him.

“Kai, this is great!”

“She wants me there,” he says in my hair, still not believing it. “She really does.”

“You’re her brother; of course she wants you there.” My smile somewhat fades when a thought crosses my mind. “Not to rain on your parade, but… isn’t your dad gonna be there as well? With tons of Gemini? Do you think it’ll go smoothly?”

“We’ve figured that part out,” he assures me. “I’ll use a magical glamour; I won’t be invisible, but they won’t be able to recognize me. It’s better this way; he wouldn’t understand.”

            He brushes a nervous hand in his hair and I step closer, if that’s possible.

“I’m so happy for you.”

            He smiles back at me and kisses me. I brush the back of his head, savoring the taste of his mouth, the caress of his hands, the warmth of his body against mine. When he ends it, I kiss the corner of his lips, his jaw, his chin, his neck, and he closes his eyes, his grip tightening on my waist.

“Andy…” His voice is a whisper, a plea, but I can’t bring myself to stop. I bite his jaw and he captures my lips again, losing us both in a heady kiss he can’t control. We’ve been waiting for so long, resisted this urge so many times that stopping now is not an option.

The way he caresses me sets me on fire. Feeling that he wants so much more makes me smiles. We stumble to the couch and I sit on top of him without leaving his lips, settling my knees on each side of him, replacing his hands on me when he weakly tries to hold me back. He wants this as much as I do, why does he want to stop?

“Andy, wait–”

“I’m done waiting.” I resume kissing him and he gives in, allowing me to take the lead, and suddenly we’re back at the swimming pool. I want to feel is bare skin under my hands, I want to caress and kiss the shape of his muscles, I want him to make love to me the way he wanted to when we were trapped. He shivers when I start unbuttoning his shirt and I smile against his lips.

            But he suddenly cups my head in his hands and holds me immobile, away from his mouth, and I want to cry.

“Wait,” he pants.

“Why?” I whisper, closing my eyes so he won’t see the tears. “We want this.”

“We– I can’t give you this.”

“Why not?”

“Sex makes things complicated.”

I gape at that. How can he be using my own words against me?

“We don’t have to be complicated, we could just–”

“We _are_ complicated. No matter what you say, we are complicated.”

“But–”

“I can’t lose you, Andy,” he whispers, closing his eyes with regret. “Not you.” He holds my wrists so I won’t touch him, and my heart sinks.

“But you asked me to let go,” I whisper, because my voice is going to break if I try to speak any louder. “You asked me and I did.”

“That was before,” he whispers, his eyes still closed.

“Before what?” I try to pull my wrists out; I need to touch him, to caress his cheeks, his chest. I need to tear down this wall between us. “Why won’t you let me?”

            He inhales and shakes his head, and my eyes sting even more. Why won’t you let me love you? He keeps his eyes closed and I stare at his face, distorted with pain. You don’t even have to love me back.

My chest tightens. “Why am I here, Kai?” His eyes shoot open and I can read confusion on his face. I swallow and continue, “Am I here because you like me or because you can’t be alone?”

            The pain in his eyes hits me. He clenches his jaw and lowers his gaze. “Is that what you think? That I want you here so you can make me feel better?” He lets go of my wrists and I don’t dare rest my hands on his shoulders. I’m not allowed.

“I don’t know what I think.”

“You must have such a high opinion of me.” His eyes fill with tears and he gently removes me from his laps, standing up.

“I _have_ a high opinion of you. I just don’t understand why you keep doing this to us–”

“Why can’t you just let go?”

“Why can’t _you_?” I snap, standing up as well. “I can’t wrap my mind around it, you know. You wanted it so much, back in the prison worlds, but now that we’re out–”

“Now that we’re out, it’s okay to lose me?”

“What? Of course not! You know that.”

            He shakes his head. “I can’t give you what you want, Andy.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I shout. “Why can’t you just–”

“If sex matters so much to you, why don’t you go have it with someone else?” he yells.

“Well, maybe I’ll do just that,” I retort. 

            We glare at each other for a moment, until something inside me breaks, and I truly, genuinely want to be somewhere else. I inhale and brush a hand in my hair. This is it; I’m leaving. I make for his room and gather a few belongings, not forgetting my toilet bag in the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” His voice is softer, but not quite as soft as usual. He’s still angry with me, but so am I.

“Away. I’ll be sleeping at my suite tonight.”

The blow lands but I don’t look at him. I’m done letting him hurt me every time he rejects me. I need to step away.

            I carefully avoid any glance at him and leave his place without another word.

 

            The girls are surprised to see me home for the night. Without him, that is. Kai’s place has  become ‘home’ for some time.

They don’t comment on my red, puffy eyes, they only offer to open a bottle of Tequila, which I decline. I let the tears roll during my shower but decide I won’t be crying after that. I miss him and I ache to go back and apologize, but I know I’ll just be diving into more heartbreak if I do that. I need the distance if I don’t want the pain to slowly kill me each time he says no.

            Once in my room, I tuck both ascendants under my pillow and look at the door. Even the wardrobe I moved in front of it doesn’t seem enough. I hold back my tears and dial Liv’s number, then I sit on my bed and wait, staring at the wardrobe. I don’t really know why I moved it around, because I know I’m not scared. The last few weeks have helped me recover from this lack of confidence that I experienced in the prison world; what truly makes me restless is that this diversion doesn’t work: I can’t seem to trade sadness for fear.

I try to reason with myself, remembering that I don’t spend every single night with Kai: I go to parties with Liv and with my suitemates, less than before, but still, it’s not the first time that we sleep separately since we got back. But this time, it’s different. I know it is. And it hurts so much I need to think of something else.

When Liv finally knocks on my door, I let her in before wedging it again. She frowns at that, confused, and asks me so many questions I can’t follow.

“Please, don’t ask,” I say quietly.

            She pulls me in for a firm hug before we settle down on my one-person bed. She holds my hand the entire night and doesn’t say a word.

.

%%%

 .

“Are we gonna talk about this?”

            I look up at Liv, then back at my hot cocoa, and I shake my head. She sits down across from me and frowns. “Tina said you’ve been sleeping at Kai’s since he got back from Portland. Did you guys fight or something?” Thank God, she doesn’t ask nor comment my sleeping at his place. I’m so not in the mood for that.

“I don’t wanna talk about him.” I clench my jaw and stare at the table until my tears disappear. I do not want to cry now, not in front of her or anyone else. Liv’s relationship with Kai is complicated enough, she doesn’t need me to fuel her dislike.

“Did he do something to you?” she asks, and I can already see a fire in her eyes. Leader or not, she could very well murder him right now, and I can’t help thinking back of that one time when I contemplated ripping his eyes out because I thought he’d made her cry.

We danced together that night; things were easy. Well, we also attempted to kill each other that night, I remember. Not that easy after all.

“Don’t worry about it,” I whisper. “He didn’t do anything.” Couldn’t be more accurate. I basically threw myself at him, once again, and he stepped back and watched me break, once again. He saw me walk away and he didn’t do anything to stop me. “Thank you for coming over.”

            She rubs her sleepy face and I can’t help seeing the resemblance with her older brother. I look away, holding back new tears. Gosh, I’m acting like a wreck after a breakup. We weren’t even together, it shouldn’t hurt like that. Damn it, the current state of my heart is exactly why I didn’t want to get close to him in the first place.

“How about we do something fun today?”

“Uh– I’m kinda all booked for today. Caroline enlisted pretty much everybody for last minute errands.”

“Oh. Is she gonna pull it off or is there anything I could help with?”

            I look up. She asked it in a light voice, but the way she focuses on her coffee doesn’t fool me. It hits me that just like a certain someone I know, she hates appearing vulnerable in anyone’s eyes, even if it means saying hurtful things so we won’t know she cares.

“I’m sure she’d appreciate some extra help.”

            Slight nod. I hide a smile in my mug. It’s not much, but coming from Liv, that’s a huge step. She’s starting to open up to Jo, as if she were starting to envision a future with her sister in it. That thought makes me happy because now that Luke is gone, she’s going to need someone to talk to. I sort of became that person, but my time here is counted. I’ll be leaving soon, and it warms my heart to know she’ll have Jo.

            As if echoing my thoughts, Liv mentions she got to talk to Luke yesterday. We don’t talk about the fact that Kai took her there, and for a moment I feel guilty that she can’t tell me about him, but I also remember it’s way too soon for her to warm up to him. Knowing Liv, she’ll probably need years before cracking him a smile; she probably doesn’t want to talk about him either.

So we both avoid the K-word and only talk about how it felt to be able to talk to Luke and tell him all those things we never got to say when he was alive, because we thought we’d have more time with him. She knows she would have lost the merge, and for the first time, we talk about how Luke and I were planning on saving her spirit in his ring until he found a way to draft a new Other Side for her. She truly listens when I tell her what her twin and I wanted to set up for a better future, and it’s a relief to be able to voice all this with someone who truly knew him.

We are only interrupted when my phone rings. A text from Damon – _Lily escaped._

I sigh and go get dressed. It’s going to be a long day.

 .

%

.

            Damon slams the car door and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“We’ll find her,” I try to reassure him.

“I know, we’ll find her, Andy,” he snaps. “What we don’t know is how many people she’ll eat before we get to her.”

            I don’t say anything, watching him, and he sighs.

“Sorry,” he winces. I arch an eyebrow. Heartfelt apologies won’t be for now.

We chose to split up in different groups when everybody met at the Salvatores’ this morning, and I didn’t even flinch when Kai joined us, nor did any of us look different from usual when I decided to go with Damon. At least we can handle a supernatural crisis and remain professional about it. Good.

Bonnie’s locator spell didn’t give anything and we suspect Lily found herself a witch to cloak her whereabouts. We spent the entire day driving through Mystic Falls, trying to spot her, but it’s not like she even had a cellphone I could track. Damon and I are now back to his house, apparently calling it for today. We don’t expect to be luckier after sunset.

He looks at his phone and winces. “Great; Rick is calling.”

“Did you tell him and Jo we have a ripper on the loose?”

“Two days before their big day? I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing to tell them. And we don’t need Jo to go any more anxious than she already is.”

“Look, it’s not like they’re at risk. If anything, your mother let Jo live because she’s pregnant. I don’t see why she’d go after her now, especially since her only preoccupation is to get her heretics back.”

“True. I’ll make sure Bonnie spends the night somewhere Lily can’t get to her. I’ll ask her to look after Elena too.”

“Why Elena?”

“She took the cure last night. She’ll be defenseless if Lily–”

“Don’t think about that. She’s gonna go spend the night with Bonnie and Caroline, and she’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t look convinced though. “Do you think you can get Liv and Kai to do a locator spell on my mother? Who knows, maybe they’ll overcome that damn cloaking spell.”

 “Will do,” I nod, already reaching for my phone. I simply text Liv, trusting that she’ll get the message to her brother. We wait for less than a minute for her response – _On it_.

            When I get back to my suite, I go for a shower and end up pacing up and down my room. What did I use to do at nights _before_? I certainly don’t want to stay here and wait. I get dressed and grab my car keys before heading out. I don’t drive for long and enter the _Scull_ quite early. I sit up on a stool and I take it that my face speaks for my mood, since Dominic gives me my favorite beer and remains silent as I sip. He simply dries glass after glass, standing on his side of the bar, not prying but silently keeping me company, and it almost feels like he’s drinking with me. He’s such a dad.

            By the time I finish my second beer, still waiting for a text from Liv – or even Kai – Clarke finishes his shift. He shares a glance with Dominic and asks, “Hey, Andy, how about I drop you home?”

“I’m good, thanks.” I show him my car keys, which Dominic snatches from my hands.

“Hey,” I weakly object. The keys disappear in his back pocket and he nods toward Clarke.

“Look at that,” my boss says, unbothered, “turns out you need a drive home after all.”

            I open my mouth, then close it, knowing them to be right. I frown and mumble, “I hate you.” Both Clarke and Dominic chuckle at that, while the former gently takes my elbow to guide me out of the _Scull_. As we walk to his car, I examine him sideways, chewing on my lip. Clarke is pretty good-looking; he’s not that tall, brown-haired, always shaved from the morning and he has this Tom Welling charm that’s kind of attractive. I ponder until my phone rings and I read Liv’s general text – _Calling off the search for tonight. Mama Salvatore is outta town. We’re good._

“Everything okay?”

            I look up to see Clarke’s innocent and genuine smile. He’s so oblivious to all the supernatural crap going on in this town, I actually envy his normalcy. I tuck my phone in my back pocket and give him the most tempting kiss I can manage – I haven’t lost my game, right? When I end it, his warm brown eyes are clouded and he opens and closes his mouth several times.

“That was not fair,” he lets out. I set my hands on his shoulder, seductively brushing to his chest.

“Don’t you want this?” I ask, biting my lip as his hands land on my waist. He seems skeptical, though.

“I don’t know, Andy. You’ve been drinking tonight.”

“I’ve had two beers,” I mock. “I think I’m sober enough to choose how I want to spend the night.”

            He looks away, clearly uncertain about this, but I kiss him again and he doesn’t stop me. I can tell by the way his mouth moves along with mine, he’s going to take me to his place. I lock up my heart, shutting any voice that tells me I’ll regret it tomorrow. I don’t care about tomorrow. All I want right now is for a man to look at me the way Clarke is looking at me. Like he wants me, and like it doesn’t have to be complicated between us. One night, it’s all I’m asking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Andy, I'm pretty sure that's not a good decision... 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, funny writing story that I need to share: I just realized this week that in order to talk about Kai's frequent disenchanted smile, I've been writing 'delusional' instead of 'disillusioned', which is quite different XD So, apologies for that! I'll be more careful in the future but I won't edit the already-posted chapter before I finish posting the story I think.


	58. Chapter 58

Fifty-eight

 

            Clarke helps me remove his tee-shirt and we resume making out. Mouth, lips, hands. It’s a dance I know and I let old automatisms guide me, focusing on the sensations rather than the person. My heart painfully races in my ribcage, and I try to convince myself it’s because his touch arouses me, not because I want to cry. I caress his chest and clench my jaw; it’s fuzzy and he’s too broadly shaped to my liking. Come on, Andy, focus; how can a guy be too broadly shaped?

            His hands are too quick on my body, caressing everywhere they can like they’re famished. I was aiming for something slower; where’s the emotion, here? Where’s the moved discovery of each other? Tears gather behind my eyelids. Just one night, Andy. It’s physical, you’ll feel better, even if it doesn’t last.

He trails kisses down my throat and I can’t help but notice how his smooth skin doesn’t prickle mine. I clench my jaw tighter, breathing in to remain calm. And I instantly regret it. His scent of licorice hits me and my entire body recoils from it. All I want is apples and freshly ground coffee. The first tears escape my eyes and before I know it, I’m crying. Again.

            Clarke instantly freezes, confused and probably scared. He runs an embarrassed hand in his hair and cautiously asks, “Andy… did you come here to forget someone?”

“I’m sorry. It was a terrible idea.”

            He sort of pulls me in and we share the most awkward hug ever. He gently pats my hair for a while, murmuring appeasing words in my ear. When he sighs and leaves the room for a minute, I grab my top on the floor and put it back on, trying to calm my sobs. I already sense shame lurking. Damn it, what am I doing?

When he comes back, he hands me a box of tissues and a fresh beer. He clinks his bottle to mine and takes a sip.

“Look, I get what you’re going through,” he says in a low voice. “Remember Ashley, from last year? I had it bad for her.”

“How did you stop thinking about her?”

“Time. And I guess I didn’t go with anyone else until I was truly ready.” I chew on his words, sipping my beer. It’s bitter and not comforting at all. “Don’t pressure yourself, Andy. Let yourself be sad about him. Whoever that guy is, he didn’t see how wonderful you are and that’s his loss, okay? There’s someone out there who’ll get to see the real you and he’ll fight like hell for you.”

            I swallow with difficulty, holding back the need to tell him that despite all the pain, Kai does see me for who I am. I don’t think anyone has ever accepted me so completely – well, almost completely – or has ever wanted me like he seems to. But no one has ever been able to hurt me the way he does; and he doesn’t even try to. 

In the spin of a couple months, he’s become this person I could tell anything, except obviously how I feel about him. I sigh, wishing very much I could talk to my mom without having to go through him. I might muster some courage tomorrow and ask him to take me there, but I don’t want to look like I’m using him for his connection to my mom. Would it hurt him if I asked Liv or Jo to join me? Just so I’m not alone with him – not that I’m afraid of him, but what if he looks at me and I fall to my knees, begging to go back to where we were? That would be so humiliating, and yet I feel like it might come to that. My chest tightens again and more tears roll on my cheeks. God, Andy, how could you let yourself fall so hard for him? For anyone?

“I should go,” I say.

“I’ll drive you home.”

“Thanks, but I’ll walk. We’re not that far from my dorm, it’ll clear my head.”

“You sure?”

            I nod. “Look… I’m sorry, about tonight, I–”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” he tells me with a reassuring smile. “You slipped; it happens. What matters is that you didn’t do anything that would have made you feel even worse the next day. We’re good, okay?”

“Thanks.”

“Text me when you get home.”

            I nod again and he closes the door behind me. I step out of the building and take a deep breath. I can’t believe I nearly slept with Clarke; am I that desperate? I shake my head and wipe the last tears away. Recognizing this parking lot as the one behind Kai’s place as well, I start walking away at a rather quick pace, and bump into someone at the corner of the building. Strong hands shoot to my arms to steady me and I immediately recognize the voice a he apologizes.

“Andy?” he asks, surprised to see me here. “What happened to you?” My mouth goes dry and I lower my gaze, wishing I wouldn’t cry in front of him. “Hey, hey, hey,” Stefan tells me in this soft, gentle voice of his. “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing here?” I need to change the subject, I already feel the tears coming back.

“We were looking for Lily, but Liv called off the search for tonight; we were heading home just now.”

“We?” I repeat. And that’s when two more figures appear around the corner. Enzo and Kai don’t immediately stop talking when they see me, but their faces change as they take me in. Please, tell me this isn’t happening.

“Andy?” Kai’s voice is loaded with concern, and when he strides to me and cups my face, scanning it for injury or information, Stefan steps back and lets him do all the worrying. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” I say, and I hate that my voice breaks like that. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“You don’t look fine, love,” Enzo simply argues and I shoot him a look.

“I’m fine.” I try to step away from Kai but my body won’t even take the order. That traitor longs for his touch and it takes a tremendous effort not to step closer and bury my face in the crook of his neck. I need more space; I need to breathe.

“Andy, you forgot–” The voice behind me fades and I close my eyes. It couldn’t be any worse. All three men take in the young bartender who is now standing before them, from his bare chest to the phone he’s holding. By the way Kai coldly glares at him, Clarke quickly understands this is the guy, and a dreadful silence ensues. “Uh… just so we’re clear, I stopped when the lady said no.”

“ _Phesmatos_ –”

“Don’t!” I shout, covering his mouth. “He’s telling the truth, okay? He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why are you crying?” Enzo quietly asks, and I can hear the murderous tone in his voice.

“Don’t you think I can take care of some guy if I need to? I’m a grown woman, so stop patronizing me. You guys know what I’m capable of. None of you lays a finger on him.”

            Kai is still glaring at Clarke and his chest rises way too fast to my liking. “Come on,” I say, “take me back to my suite.”

“Stefan can drive you back,” he grits. “I’ll stay here and have a little chat with your friend.”

“Hey, look, man, Andy’s my friend and I would _never_ –”

“I think I’ll remove an arm,” Enzo says, tilting his head.

“Just _stop_ ,” I snap. “Stefan, can you get my phone, please?” Stefan gives Clarke a stern look before complying. I feel like if I even step away from Kai, he’s going to lose it. “Thanks. Now everybody chill.”

“ _Chill_?” my witch spits. “How do you want me to _chill_ , Andy?”

“Because I’m telling you to. It’s fine–”

“You just got out of his place and you’re crying, what am I supposed to thin–”

“I’m not crying because of him, you idiot! I’m crying because of you; because I. wasn’t. with you!” Silence meets my words. Kai finally looks away from his target to focus on me. He sees the tears pooling again and clenches his jaw. ‘That’s right’, I want to say, ‘look at what I’ve become’. I pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale. “You are taking me back to my suite; and you two are leaving Clarke alone.” Enzo opens his mouth but I don’t let him speak, “I swear to God, if anything happens to him, I’ll hunt you down and kick your asses so badly it’ll hurt for centuries.” Stefan gives me the slightest nod, before giving Clarke another stern glance, and I take Kai’s hand. “Let’s go.” When he doesn’t move, I glare at him. “I swear to God, Kai Parker, I’ll resort to force if I have to.”

            He finally gives in and leads me to his car, holding on to my hand as if he were drowning. We don’t say a word as he drives, and I look throughout the window so he won’t see me cry. When he takes my hand and squeezes, it takes all of my will power _not_ to recoil. I don’t want to hurt him, but I seriously can’t do this.

We don’t say anything in the stairs, and we don’t say anything when stepping into my suite. Tina’s out with the singing club and Jess said she was going out with some guy tonight. At least I won’t have to explain why he’s here. I grab the pajamas he’d left in my room and hand it to him. “You can use the bathroom to change.”

“You want me to stay with you tonight?”

“If I let you go, you’re gonna head back and do something stupid to this poor guy. I’m not letting you out of this suite.”

            My answer doesn’t seem to be what he expected, but he nods nonetheless and leaves the room for a minute. When he comes back, he watches me intently and I can almost see the battle waging inside. I can’t bear to see the pain in his eyes. I avert my face and he steps closer, gently pulls me in, with so much tenderness and care I could scream. I let him, closing my eyes and allowing his familiar scent to calm me down. His embrace is the safest place I can think of, and I already dread the moment I’ll have to let him go.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers in my ear, and my stomach wrings in agony. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder, wishing we wouldn’t move for hours. We stand like this for several minutes, our hearts pounding in our chests, and I can’t figure out how we went from playful seduction to this kind of despair. How do we go back?

“Did you like me better in 1903, when I was stronger than I’ve been?”

“You still are the strongest woman on Earth, never doubt that.” I don’t tell him that right now, I don’t exactly feel strong; if anything, I feel like I’m not enough.

            We settle down in my narrow bed and I don’t think we’d put more distance between us if we had more room. I lie in his arms, my back against his chest, and I can’t help new tears as he nuzzles in my hair, pressing comforting kisses to my neck. “It didn’t feel right, you know, going to bed without you,” he whispers in my ear.

“For me neither.” When I sniff, his hold around me tightens. “I just don’t understand.”

            He rests his forehead on my shoulder and I can feel his own tears roll on my skin. Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting us like this? He doesn’t say anything and his silence oppresses me. I love you I love you I love you. “You know, I spent years compartmentalizing everything. I gave Tom my heart and my body, but I couldn’t give him my secrets; and after him, I made sure whoever I gave my body to, I wouldn’t give my heart entirely; I couldn’t give them my secrets anyway. And then I gave them to Luke, and also my heart, because I didn’t have to worry about my body with him. And then you came along and you took my secrets and then my heart, but every time I offer you that last part of me, you won’t have it.”

“I’m sorry, Andy. I never wanted to hurt you.” Can’t you even acknowledge what I just said about giving you my heart? Why do you do this?

“I know you don’t mean to; but you do. Every time you push me away, it hurts.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to tell me why we’re doing this. Is it because I don’t do boyfriends? Because I’m so making an excep–”

“It’s not that.” His voice is so soft, I could almost hit him.

“Then _why_? Why won’t you let us be happy?”

“I told you; I can’t be what you want me to be.”

“How about you let me decide what I want?”  

He doesn’t answer just yet, calming my sobs with soothing strokes. I wish he would never stop. This could be it, him and me, we could be happy, it would be so simple. He’s close, and yet I feel like I’m losing him. How can this be happening? I resume crying, letting out uncontrollable sobs that he tries to calm. “I wanted to have children someday.”  

For a moment, he doesn’t know what to say, but he caresses my arms, talking so close to my ear I could drown in his voice, “And you will. You will have children, Andy, I promise. You’ll have the house, the dog and the kids; you’ll have everything you want.”

            I shake my head. I don’t want to hear this; he doesn’t understand.

“I don’t want any of this without you.”

“Andy–”

“Don’t you see?” I ask, turning around to face him. “Don’t you see how deep I am into this? I can’t even spend the night with another guy anymore, that’s how bad it is for me. Does it even stir something in you?”

“Of course, it does. But you know I can never be a father; I can’t–”

“I know, that’s why I’m sad about the children, Kai. I already chose between something I want and something I want more.”

“You shouldn’t have to choose.”

“Well, I’d be happy to discuss children when you’re ready to make a compromise.”

“I meant– You’ll meet someone that–”

“Don’t you dare–”

“We’re not really together, Andy,” he whispers, regret and sadness coating his voice. “We never were.”

“Aren’t we?” I snap. “Then what are we? What is our label? Are we friends? Is that what we are?” I trail kisses in his throat and rub my body against his. His hands shoot to my hips, maintaining me close to him, moving with me. He wants this.

“Andy–” he pleads.

“Do friends do this?” I ask, caressing his chest under his tee shirt as I take over his mouth. He kisses me back, both desperate, both incapable of thinking outside of this bed, and for a moment here, hope surges in me, because I truly believe I’ve made my point and he’s giving in. But he ends it, holding my wrists so I won’t be able to touch him. He sighs painfully and closes his eyes.

“If I make love to you, even once, then I’ll never be able to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let me go.”

“But I’ll have to. You don’t want this life, and you deserve the happy ending that you–”

“I deserve to be with you.”  He presses a long, painful kiss to my forehead before resting his on it.

“You deserve better.”  

For a moment here, I don’t know what to say. I could argue, insist, push him until he gives in, but right now I feel like it’s no use. He doesn’t want this enough to let me convince him. My heart cracks open, letting hope escape far, far away from our embrace. I turn around, but no more tear will come. I’ve shed enough tears over him; I’m empty.

“After tonight I’ll need to sleep alone.”

            He inhales and swallows, before gently stroking my arm. “I understand.”

 

 

            When I wake up the next morning, I watch him sleep for a long time. This embrace tastes like goodbye, and I can’t help picturing him waking up and me saying it’s fine, that I accept to stay like that as long as he stays with me. I could manage the pain, just for a chance to be with him, but that’s when my broken heart triggers every inner alarm I have left, telling me to run away from him, to run from the pain. He’ll never step out of his comfort zone for me.

            I get up and grab fresh clothes. My phone is already full of texts from Caroline and event alarms, signaling it’s our last day to work on Jo’s wedding to make it all perfect. It’s crazy to think we’re preparing her first step into this new, happy life she’s going to share with Rick, while this day represents another kind of first step to me: today I’m letting him go. I leave the key to his place on my night table before silently leaving the suite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, may I say I'm glad Andy didn't go with Clarke, although seeing Kai's incapability to produce an explanation as to why he wouldn't commit further to her, no one could have blamed her. Not even him.   
> It does break my heart that they can't seem to find a way to be together while they obviously want it so much. 
> 
> Any thoughts?   
> Also, I can't wait to share chapter 59 with you because it's one of my favorite so far. Don't make assumptions because nothing crazy happens, but I really enjoyed writing it :D


	59. Chapter 59

Fifty-nine

 

            Kai sighs again and picks up his phone. Andy is first in his list of contacts – he entered Alaric in the ‘R’ section just so she would be first. He sips the bottom of his drink while staring at the profile picture he set for her. Objectively, she is a pretty young woman. No more dashing than the average girl, but still pleasant to look at. And yet, she has this sweetness about her that brings him to his knees, this strength that drives him beyond his fears, this tenderness in her eyes when she looks at him that makes him want to exist; she’s plain perfect, and this picture alone sets so many positive emotions running in his veins that he can almost forget the pain of being rejected by her because he couldn’t give her enough. Almost.

On this picture, she’s wearing her cute sportswear, her hair is tied up in this flawless ponytail of hers he always itches to tug on, and she’s grinning at the camera, at him; he took it one morning, when he woke up before she’d even left for her training session and they prepared breakfast together. That’s it. Just breakfast, on a normal day, with normal conversation topics and normal flirting and normal meaningful looks and caresses. All the normal, simple stuff he dreams of but can never have. All the normal stuff he denied himself when he suppressed his feelings and ruined everything. His heart aches, begging him to reconsider, to give in to the easy road, to go find her and tell her that he’s been an idiot to hold back. He taps his phone awake before the picture fades.

She was looking so happy and alive, and it felt like _he_ was the one to bring this content smile to her lips and he needed to capture this moment, to make it last forever. And indeed, his heart warms every time he lays eyes on this picture. But now his chest also tightens. Inhale, and feel it deep in your heart and in your flesh. This pain, this sadness, it is long overdue. Take it all in, blink your tears back, and let it suffocate you like it always should have. There’s no escape this time, no spell out of it.

He knew she wouldn’t stay like that forever, it was stupid to hope that– And yet, he can’t help the lump in his throat at the memory of the words that didn’t cross his lips last night, when he was holding her, letting his tears roll in her neck. ‘Don’t leave me,’ he wanted to say, ‘please, love me.’ But what right did have to say this? None. He longs for a life of happiness with her, he does, but he can’t offer her a shred of what she wants, while having her in his life brings him so much more than he deserves. How is that fair? How could she be happy with him? Happiness is not something he’s allowed to aspire to, he knows that, and he’s accepted it. All he has to offer is his pain and misery, which is certainly not enough. And he can’t give her more. He can’t just dodge a fair punishment again, he has no right to do that.

            Matt comes back, taking his empty glass, and asks, “Same thing, I imagine?”

Kai looks up and watches him for a moment, trying to swallow this lasting lump in his throat. “Don’t be all judgmental, Matt,” he says when the blond-haired bartender pours some amber-colored liquid in a new glass. “We all have bad days.”

“I just rather you had your bad day somewhere else. We haven’t had any attack in about a week.”

“Didn’t you get the memo?” Kai asks, before pointing to his own face. “Broken, not evil.”

            Matt raises a skeptical brow and Kai waves him away. He looks back at his phone, exhales, and scrolls further down the list. He doesn’t let himself think about it and dials the number. The longest ringtones ever.

“Don’t tell me we have a problem.” Damon’s voice is weary.

“We don’t. Uh… what are you doing tonight?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m having a fantastic, peaceful night with my girlfriend.”

“Right.”

Silence falls.

“So? Is there a reason why you called?”

Kai shakes his head, already regretting making that call. He doesn’t want to hear anyone’s voice but hers. He wants it so much it hurts.

“Uh– you know what, forget it, I–”

“Come on, Parker. You’re not one to call for no reason; spill it.” The witch pinches the bridge of his nose, fighting to keep burning tears from clouding his vision. Breathe.

“I’m at the _Mystic Grill_ right now and… I think I could use a drinking buddy.”

            Silence again. He shakes his head once more; this was not a good idea. The heaviness in his chest is going to implode. Good lord, he can’t just cry here and now, of what use would it be? He’s the one who did this after all, he can only blame himself. For all of it.

“I’ll be here in ten.”

 

            When Damon shows up, he immediately spots Kai at the bar: he is alone, brooding over his drink, and no one will dare sit next to him. The vampire claims the stool on his left and nods to Matt. “I’ll be having whatever he’s having.”

“Terrible call,” Kai comments with a grumpy frown, “what if I’m having Jager?”

            Damon leans in to smell the glass and straightens back up.

“You’re not, you’re having whiskey.”

“Not the point,” Kai mumbles. Matt brings Damon his drink and the latter winces, giving the witch a sideway glance.

“So. Why am I here, drinking with you, instead of spending the night with my beautiful, mortal girlfriend?”

Kai closes his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to talk about it. Maybe if he just says it very fast, Damon will leave him alone? Well, not _alone_ , alone, just–

“Andy doesn’t want– We’re not a ‘we’ anymore.”

“Ah, of course it’s about the girl,” the vampire sighs. He clinks his glass against Kai’s and takes a long sip. They remain silent for a moment and the vampire examines his profile, listens to the uneven beating of his heart; Kai wasn’t expecting him to actually cheer him up, right?

“So, are you going to tell me why we’re here?” At the sound of this British accent, they both turn their heads to the right to see Enzo walk up to them.

“Andy broke up with him,” Damon announces, sounding almost bored.

“Huh,” Enzo lets out, frowning, before claiming the stool on Kai’s right. He might as well get comfortable; this is going to be long.

“She didn’t break up with me,” the witch objects. “We weren’t together.”

“Did you tell her that, at some point?” Damon winces. “Cause I’m pretty sure that’s why she broke up with you.”

“We weren’t,” Kai grits. He can’t let him say that, not after all the effort he’s been putting in staying away, in not giving in to this growing longing to shout it loud and clear that he was hers and only hers. He’s been trying so hard to keep the balance between what he could give her and what he couldn’t. Damon doesn’t get to sit here and tell him he’s been fighting stronger winds.

Enzo snorts at his retort, ordering a bourbon, while Damon rolls his eyes, taking another sip. “Why are you even here?” Kai finally asks Enzo.

“Damon called,” he answers with a shrug. “Said it was important.”

“Don’t look at me like that; you needed a drinking buddy, I got you three.”

The witch frowns, counting. He then sees Alaric enter the bar. Great, Damon told everybody. Perfect.

“Hey, I came as fast as I could; what’s up?”

“Take a seat,” Damon says, nodding to the free spot next to him. “Andy ditched Kai; we’re drinking.” Rick’s surprise turns to irritation.

“You’re saying you texted me 911 for a breakup?”

“We weren’t _together_.”

“No, I texted you 811; it’s like 911 but minus the dead people and the blood.” He turns to Kai and asks, “I mean… you didn’t kill anyone, did you?” The witch winces in disbelief.

“No, Damon, I didn’t kill anyone. Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

            Damon shrugs – he’s so not in the mood for last minute burials – and Enzo mutters in his drink, “Not sure Clarke is still alive.” Kai shoots him a look and he shrugs. “At least now, I get a chance with her.”

“What,” the witch grits, already glaring.

“The girl plays the guitar; she’s obviously a keeper…” Enzo trails off when seeing the look he gets from the other three. He chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Relax, mate, I’m joking. I don’t even have blue eyes, so chill.”

Damon goes back to Alaric and finally convinces him to sit down with them. It’s not like he could be spending the night with Jo anyway – he’s not necessarily superstitious but this is Mystic Falls: they’re better off not taking risks with the no-seeing-the-bride tradition.

“I’m not staying late,” the professor warns them. “Or do I need to remind you I’m getting married tomorrow?”

“Don’t worry about it; we’ll all be up and rested to walk you down the aisle.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Damon. You don’t walk _me_ down the aisle.”

“Huh. Then why am I even going?”

“Hey, Rick,” Matt greets the newcomer, “what can I get you? Your drink’s on me.”

“Thanks, Matt. Same thing as Damon.”

“Right up. So you guys are celebrating Rick’s last night as a free man?”

“Nope,” Damon replies, “we’re here to make sure Kai won’t drown himself in a glass of misery and self-pity.”

“Why? What happened to you?”

“Andy left him,” Rick explains.

“Can we _not_ –”

“Andy broke up with you?” Matt exclaims, frowning. “I didn’t even know you guys were together.”

“We were _not_ together.” Kai pinches the bridge of his nose. Why are they all here again?

“But you guys are a _thing_ ,” Damon counters. “I thought it was kinda gross and revolting when you were all deadly and all, but you guys are one of these couples where even when you’re not a couple, you’re still a couple.”

“They totally are,” Alaric agrees.

“We are not– We were _never_ –” His heart needs to slow down. He can’t let the word ‘couple’ stick in his mind, he can’t just allow this kind of vision. “It’s complicated.”

“The very definition of a couple,” the vampire nods, sharing an amused smile with Alaric.

“Hey, at least now I get a chance with her,” Matt jokes to lighten the mood.

“Thanks, Donovan,” Damon grits, “we already heard that joke tonight and it was already not funny the first time around.”

“I don’t know,” Alaric says, fake-pondering, “Matt’s got blue eyes.”

“And so do I.”

“You’re basically married to Elena,” Rick snorts.

“Not the point. Anyway,” he turns to the witch, “how can we help?”

“What do you mean?” Kai squints.

“Do you need some advice on how to get her back or do you–”

“There’s no getting her back, Damon. She was never mine in the first place.”

“And that’s what she was reproaching you, I believe.” Kai shoots Enzo a look.

“You don’t know anything.”

“And we’re _dying_ to know,” Damon exaggerates. “Look, I don’t pretend to know anything about your relationship – whatever kind of relationship it was – and I know you’ve been discreet while trying to figure it out, but I saw how you nearly let yourself _die_ to get her back from 1903, and I heard you guys talk the night she got back, I saw how she hugged you. The girl is all over you, Parker; you can’t have screwed up so badly that there’s nothing to do about it.”

“Damon’s right,” Rick agrees. “As long as you didn’t cheat or kill – recently, I mean –, I’m pretty sure it’s not unfixable. Arguing is part of the game, but you need to hold on and keep going, that’s how you build a relationship. You can’t just quit because of some fight.”

“And what a fight,” Enzo chuckles, before holding his hands up in defense. “All I’m saying is, the problem seemed to be that you wouldn’t take the extra step to be with her. No wonder why she left.”

“But I can’t just _be_ with her,” Kai counters, rubbing his face. “I’m no good for her–”

“First, girls don’t care about that,” Damon says, grabbing some cashews from the dish Matt left for them. “I would know: I’m no good for Elena and yet she sticks with me.”

“She makes you a better man,” Rick nods.

“Right, so Andy made him a better man–” Enzo considers.

“I was already back to being me,” Kai objects. “I didn’t change _for_ her.” That would be giving her even more power over him. He shudders. Does he even have a personality left, outside of yearning for her affection and her touch? It feels like his entire being revolves around her, like his heart is only interested in beating when she’s near. Of course, he remembers being hung up on Kate, an eternity ago, but it wasn’t like that. Is it because Andy knows him inside out? Because she knows everything about him and still she accepts him, she wants him in her life, which doesn’t even make sense.

That must be it: she’s been blinded by her feelings, because he’s also the first one to know everything about her, no secrets kept, and he wants her all the same. It’s a first for her too, and that’s probably why she doesn’t see it; that he’s not as good as her, that he doesn’t have a claim to lasting joy. How could he even do that to her? Manipulate her into thinking that he might be worth it after all? After all he’s done, after attacking her friends, after stealing Luke’s life?

“True,” Enzo concedes, waking him from his thoughts, “because turns out you were good after all. But don’t you want to be the best version of yourself _for_ her?” Kai brushes the back of his head, before nodding to Enzo in agreement. “See? You are definitely hers.”

“Did you tell her you loved her, while you were arguing?” Damon suddenly asks.

“What? No,” Kai winces. He’d never tell Andy that; it would only blur things even more, make it impossible for him to let go when the time comes.  

“Too bad. I do that whenever I fight with Elena: when things get out of control and voices raise and all, I’ll just shout I love her. It usually calms her down and it reminds us no argument is worth jeopardizing our love, because it’s written in the stars.”

“Wow,” Rick mocks. “So you’ll throw ‘I love yous’ just to calm an argument?”

“Oh, no, I’ll apologize, in order to actually calm the argument.”

“But you don’t always mean it,” Rick understands.

“I like to see it as weighing the pros and cons: would I rather be right or keep my girlfriend?”

“It’s not about being right, Damon,” Kai tries to explain. “It’s about what’s best for her.” He can’t keep leading her on regarding what he’s allowed to give her, it’ll only hurt her more than he already has.

“Again, girls don’t care about that.”

“They do,” Rick argues, “but they’re also capable of deciding what is good for them.”

“I can’t be what she needs,” the witch whispers, his eyes stinging again. “She’s perfect; I’ll never be enough.”

            They all chew on his words, not knowing what to tell him. If he is so convinced he doesn’t deserve her, they won’t get him to go after her. They silently sip their drinks, until Enzo straightens up.

“Look, mate, there are a lot of reasons to be afraid; but right now, the worst has already happened: she left you, and you feel terrible about it. The next step is her finding someone else, and you regretting going down without a fight, for the rest of your life. You’re not perfect and she’s not perfect either; but if you know deep down that she is the one for you, that she is perfect _to you_ , then how about you trust her when she says you are the one _for_ _her_?”

            They watch Kai bury his face in his hands. Damon gives Enzo a thumbs up, while Rick orders another round.

 

*******

 

            Caroline and Stefan are standing in the middle of the Salvatore living room, their arms crossed over their chests. Before them, Damon and Rick are half-sitting, half-lying on each end of the sofa, while Enzo and Kai each have their own armchair. The four of them are asleep, snoring lightly, and some of them are even drooling. ‘Night with the guys’, Elena said with a shrug before heading to the kitchen. The smell of alcohol was too strong, even for her now-human nose.

            Caroline uses her phone to take a picture – wedding souvenirs – before hitting the record button and nodding to Stefan. The latter throws an entire bucket of water at them all, making them start awake.

“Are we under attack?” Rick jerks up, squinting because of the sunlight.

“We might be,” Damon growls, settling back on his sofa. “A miss Forbes is going to lose her heart if she doesn’t let me sleep.”

“ _Smile_ , Damon, I’m recording.” The vampire hides his face under a cushion while Enzo and Kai rub their eyes with a wince.

“What time is it?” Rick suddenly asks.

“Congrats, Rick,” Stefan says. “You slept all day and missed your own wedding.”

“What?” The professor jumps to his feet, panicked, and the other three’s eyes shoot open.

            They sigh when seeing Stefan’s satisfied smile as he turns to Caroline. “We’re good?”

“We’re good. Now, everybody wake up. Jo and the girls just left McKinley, which means we have fifty minutes to get you out of here. First stop: showers. Find yourselves a bathroom and be generous on the soap. We’re meeting in the kitchen for breakfast in ten. Move; now!”

            All four of them wince unhappily at the command but comply. When he gets up, Kai reaches a hand to his head.

“Hey, wasn’t everything spinning a little bit?”

“Yeah,” Damon mocks dryly, “it’s called a hangover.”

“No, I mean– like, spinning…” He shuts his eyes, trying to remember how the headache felt last night. It was different from now.

“Kai,” Caroline calls firmly, “if you want to try on your tux before leaving, get to a bathroom. Now.”

 

**/*\**

 

            Elena opens the door and invites us in.

“Hey,” she smiles, “congratulations!”

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me that _after_ I’m married?”

Elena shrugs. “Your wedding is today, I get to congratulate you whenever I want.” She locks arms with Jo, taking her to the living room, where we’re planning to have some champagne – and orange juice for the mother-to-be – and chill before the ceremony. Bonnie and I follow behind, carrying pretty much everything that was on Caroline’s list. 

“Alright,” I say, pointing to all the bags. “Make up, hair, shoes, dresses… we’re all good.” “Where is Caroline?” Bonnie asks.

“Uh, still upstairs with Kai,” Elena answers. My heart skips a beat, and I try not to look like I’m listening but my face heats. Why would Caroline be upstairs with Kai? Were they here all night? Stop. _Do no_ t go down that road, Andy. It’s beneath you. And so desperate. Just get your shit together, girl.

“He’s here?” the Bennett witch asks.

“Yeah, the guys went out last night. Don’t worry, Jo, they’re all good to go. She just needs to see whether Kai’s tux fits before sending him over as well. Rick is already at the motel with Damon, they’re welcoming the early guests.”

“So you are doing this,” Bonnie comments, turning her face to Jo. “You’re inviting Kai to a Gemini event.”

“It’s _my_ event,” Jo firmly asserts. “And besides, they won’t even know it’s him; he’ll be wearing a glamour the whole time.”

“So, we won’t know who he is?” Elena asks with a slight frown.

“He’s only targeting witches with that.” She turns to Bonnie, adding, “If you don’t want to see him there, he’ll include you in the spell.”

“I think I’d rather keep him in sight,” Bonnie mutters, looking at the ground.

“Then he’ll remove it for you,” Jo assures her. “You’ll just need to touch his hand. Or mine, once I’m out of it.”

“Or mine.”

            We turn around to see Liv standing a few feet behind us. She’s wearing this pretty black dress we went to buy for the wedding, and the shy smile she gives Jo foreshadows a good surprise. The younger witch clears her throat. “Is it too late to try on a mauve dress?”

            The emotion on Jo’s face brings a smile to our lips. She fills the distance between her and her sister and gently takes her in her arms. I don’t get to hear what Jo tells her, but it brings a happy smile to Liv’s lips. The bride then pulls back and wipes her tears. “I’m so glad you showed up before I had my makeup done.”

            We chuckle at that and the atmosphere already feels lighter. We know Jo was stressing out, but holding her little sister’s hand, she looks nothing but happy. I only freeze when hearing people talking in the stairs. I try not to stare as Kai and Caroline walk down, hating that whatever he said just made her smile, and I make a point to busy myself over the champagne.

“So,” Caroline happily announces, “everything is going just as planned. The boys have their lists, so we’re going to get ready and I’ll go see how everything is coming along. Questions? Liv?”

“I thought ‘boys’ weren’t invited this morning.”

            Caroline turns to the Gemini leader, then back to us. “Kai was leaving; bye Kai.”

I wait for several seconds to turn around, thinking he left, but my eyes directly land on him from across the room. I haven’t even noticed how silent the others are, all I can see is the battle waging in his eyes, which are locked on me, and the shift, when he makes his decision and marches on me.

            When I understand he’s not going to stop and talk to me, I open my mouth, trying to think of something to say, but he cups my face and gives me a long, deep kiss that ravages me from the inside. For a moment, we’re back to 1903, when he would be the one to take a step to get what we both wanted. My heart is already racing for him and I let him intoxicate me, reveling in the sensations he provokes in me, forgetting how I said that I needed distance. Distance? I don’t need distance, not from that. All I need is for him to kiss me like that for the rest of my days.

            When he ends it, his eyes sparkle with a newfound strength, and the playful smile he gives me goes straight through my heart. Wh– what is going on here? I’m actually glad that he hasn’t let go of me just yet because my knees are so weak, I don’t think I could stand on my own right now. He strokes my cheek with his ringed thumb, probably reveling in my panting breath and my clouded eyes.

“Just so we’re clear,” he tells me, “I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

            His words don’t even have time to sink in; the next thing I know, he’s walking out of the room without glancing back. I rest a hand on the table next to me, just until I can trust my legs, and I reach a hand to my throat, trying to process what just happened. Is it me or is it rather hot in here? Someone hands me a glass of champagne and I mechanically take it, drinking half of it. Liv and Bonnie are shocked, while Jo and Elena share a knowing glance.

When I look at Caroline, she is beaming at me. “He’s so yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I like this one! It was so much fun to write! <3 The scene at the bar might just be my favorite in this story, and I also enjoyed diving more into Kai's thoughts and feelings on how he despesrately wants to be with Andy but the more he is with her/close to her, the happier he gets and that's not something he should allow himself to have. Poor baby breaks my heart. The guys' encouragements seem to have worked though, we'll see :) 
> 
> Any thoughts? ^_^


	60. Chapter 60

Sixty

 

Kai adjusts the hem of his sleeves again, then his bow-tie. He knows it fits – Caroline did get his measurement right, but it’s mostly nervous. There are a lot of Gemini at this reception, and he feels like everybody is looking at him, which is not real, since he is wearing this magical glamour that makes him look like any ordinary human. He actually ran into Dorian and Celeste, two members of his coven, and they didn’t wince or frown at him; they gave him this polite smile and went to join someone else. It’s crazy.

He exhales deeply, taking a look around. The motel has this large reception room that they are using – probably the reason why Jo and Rick settled for it: it has mostly been booked by wedding guests who don’t live in Virginia. The flower arrangements are impeccable, and the waiters walk around with glasses of champagne or juice on their trays. Wedding presents keep piling up on the dedicated table and the canapés keep reappearing everywhere. People talk around him, children run and play together, going in and out to enjoy this Spring sun before it sets, and he is almost invisible. Almost, but not quite. They all simply nod to him, one happy face among happy faces; he doesn’t see fear, nor mistrust nor even loathing in the gazes he meets. It’s a real breath of fresh air, because today he’s not a monster; today, he’s a normal man.

Until his eyes land on Liv. She is staring right at him from the other side of the room. He doesn’t understand at first, and then he realizes her piercing blue eyes are locked on _him_ , the real him, meaning she asked Jo to remove the glamour so she could see him. He doesn’t know why she did it and it almost hurts to see her stare and stare and stare, not knowing what she thinks.

When she walks towards him, he swallows with apprehension. Can she see this plea in his eyes? This silent request not to hurt him with her words, not today. Is she going to accept a wedding-truce?

“Jo wants us both upstairs in thirty minutes,” she informs him, and he doesn’t immediately react.

“Uh– sure. What for?” Always so cautious, always so careful when around her.

“She wants pictures with us; with the real you. She’s starting with Dad, and Elena will make sure he stays away when it’s our turn.”

            She can see Kai tense at the mention of their father, and how he nervously brushes the back of his head, but she acts like everything is normal and he nods, watching her walk away and wishing he would have told her how pretty she looks in this mauve dress. A grown woman, an adult. His throat tightens as he remembers how she painted an entire wall of his room with her bare hands and fingers once. It didn’t look like anything, but he loved it; he loved seeing her happy grin directed at him because she hadn’t learned to stay away yet. It feels like it was yesterday, and yet it was eighteen years ago. All gone in a heartbeat.

            The Gemini leader shakes his head, pushing away any thought that could bring tears to his eyes. Let him see his dad first, then we’ll see about a trip down Memory Lane. He walks up to Damon and Rick, who are already sipping a glass of champagne.

“…all I’m saying is, it’s a lot of them,” Damon discreetly tells his friend, watching the sea of witches.

“Since I’m marrying one of them, does it make _me_ one of them?” Rick asks him, avoiding the word ‘coven’, just in case humans would hear them.

“Spouses have their own status within the coven,” Kai explains, helping himself a couple canapés. Both Damon and Rick look at him with a slight frown as he comes to stand right next to them to observe the crowd. The other two share a dubious glance before the vampire says, “So… I take it you’re a Gemini?”

            Kai scoffs, before understanding. “Oh, right! The glamour! I thought I was only aiming it at witches; must have cast it full-force then,” he mutters to himself before noticing their arched brows. “It’s me. Kai.” Rick’s eyes widen, while Damon squints, scanning him up and down.

“You? You are Kai Parker?” His skepticism makes the witch uneasy.

“Why? How do I look?”

            Alaric tilts his head and Damon winces. “Normal,” the former says; “Ordinary,” the latter adds.

“But there’s no identifying me, right?” Kai inquires.

“Nope,” Damon shakes his head, “not a chance.”

“But how do we recognize you?” the groom asks. “No offence, but there are so many people here… I’m not sure to remember your new face after two of these.” He shows his glass. Damon smirks at that, nodding in agreement, and Kai extends his hand.

“What are you doing?” Alaric asks, before skeptically shaking it as Kai wills him past the spell. His face lights up when it englobes him as well and he recognizes his future brother-in-law. “It _is_ you.”

            Damon frowns at that, waving Rick’s hand away so he can shake Kai’s as well.

“Huh, you do look prettier when you’re you,” he mocks, smirking, and they both get to see Kai’s genuine grin at their reaction. It’s crazy to think that there are people here who are actually glad to discover his face under this glamour. They easily clink their glasses against his, and Damon gives them a wink when another vampire joins them.

“Enzo! Meet our new friend.”

 

*****

 

            Damon winces at the dubious joke, making them chuckle. They are still standing in a close circle opposite to the table loaded with gifts, sharing a drink and making jokes at each other’s expanses. The Salvatore brother would have led Enzo on with Kai’s identity for the rest of the day if Alaric hadn’t pitied him and spilled it. The witch still can’t believe they are more comfortable fake-bickering when they know he is him, rather than hiding under the mask of a stranger. He did get to joke about the vampires too, which earned him witty retorts he felt grateful for. Is this what it looks and feels like? To be part of their group?

            Enzo finishes his drink, setting the empty glass on the table near them.

“So, when do we get to see the lady of the day? I want a dance with the bride.”

“Yeah, I’m calling the dibs on that,” Damon smirks, playfully lifting his brow. “The perks of being the groom’s best man.” He and Alaric clink their glasses together and Kai peeks at his watch; he still has time before heading to Jo’s suite for the photoshoot. He doesn’t want to leave this conversation just yet; it is too refreshing to him, too new. It’s almost like today, he can become someone else in the eyes of the world while being his true self. It’s temporary, but it feels like happiness is in his reach.

“Alaric,” someone greets from behind the witch, and he freezes, his mind projecting him decades back. He doesn’t need to look around to recognize his father’s voice, a voice he wants to hear and love, and a voice who provokes such waves of anger and pain that he could scream.

Alaric politely smiles as Joshua Parker walks up to them and shakes his hand. Only the two vampires get to see Kai’s face blench; he tucks his shaking hands in his pockets.

“Mister Parker.”

“You can call me Joshua, son. Damon, it’s nice to see you in different circumstances.”

            Damon fakes a smile and lifts his glass, thinking it’s funny how he ended up disliking this man even more than when he first met him; probably because he had a very crappy dad as well. Alaric and Joshua exchange a few more words, and Kai remains immobile, staring at Damon’s glass and trying not to pay attention to the lump forming in his throat, while the latter and Enzo get to watch how father and son physically resemble each other. There is also something in Joshua’s posture, in the way he carries himself; Kai is taller and he stands straight, but he is a young leader: his father conveys even more force and authority.

“And you?” the former Gemini leader ends up asking Kai, after introducing himself to Enzo.

            Seeing how Kai swallows, the others instantly get his discomfort, and they don’t need more to jump in. “Uh, that’s–”

“Donovan,” Damon interrupts the groom. “Rick’s cousin.”

“Nice to meet you, Donovan,” Joshua says, extending his hand.

            Once more, Kai doesn’t move, only staring at his father’s hand and not reacting. The vampires can hear his heart racing in his chest, and seeing how pale he looks and how sweat gathers on his forehead, they fear he might faint. Or cry. Or explode.

“Donovan here is– what’s the word, Damon?” Enzo casually asks.

“Mysophobic,” Rick answers for him. “The phobia of germs.”

“He doesn’t do handshakes,” Damon leans in to add.

“Oh.” Joshua looks somewhat thrown off, and as he doesn’t really know how to react to that, he drops his hand and gives ‘Donovan’ an embarrassed smile.

“Mister Parker,” Elena calls from behind them. “I lost you on our way out. Have you seen the flower arrangements?” she asks, locking her arm in his and leading him away.

“Yes, they are wonderful.”

“You haven’t met Caroline, yet, have you? She took over when the wedding coordinator fell ill. I’ll introduce you.” She and Damon share a glance, and her boyfriend addresses her a grateful nod as they walk away.

“Deep breaths, mate,” Enzo tells Kai, handing him a glass filled with an amber-colored alcohol. The witch definitely looks like he could use something stronger than champagne. Kai nods to him but won’t look up to them until his hands stop shaking. He hates that they got to witness this. The witch starts when Damon unexpectedly claps his shoulder.

“I bet if any more Gemini come to greet Rick, he’s gonna have a hard time keeping them from finding out he doesn’t remember any of their names.”

“I’m a professor, Damon. I kinda _have_ to be good with names.”

“I can’t believe you still haven’t talked your future wife into eloping,” Enzo adds, drawing the conversation further away.

“What do you want me to say. I’m pretty sure Caroline will hunt us down if we leave before cake.”

“She did do a remarkable job here,” the vampire nods.

“She’s Caroline,” Damon states. “There is nothing this woman won’t get done in due time.”

“Did she tell you about that siblings-dance she wanted to implement?” Rick asks, shaking his head. “She wanted us to pick a song and draft bits of choreography for the chorus and unleash us together on the dancefloor.”

“Huh,” Damon snorts, “weirdly enough, I can already picture that.”

“This sounds almost too normal to work out around here,” Enzo comments.

“Well, Jo and I were skeptical; Liv was… more than skeptical, and we realized it would blow Kai’s cover anyway, so she dropped it.”

“Sorry,” Kai mutters.

“Don’t worry about it,” Alaric assures, taking a sip of juice. “It was too tight to learn anything properly. You saved us all from proper embarrassment.”

            Enzo adds something that makes them chuckle but Kai is not listening to them anymore. His eyes just landed on Andy, and his entire being warms at the sight of her. She is over there, grinning at two Gemini she just met, exchanging a few words with them, and he can’t look away from her. The waves in her brown hair elegantly fall on one of her shoulders, leaving the other bare. The witch instantly feels his blood pulsing in his veins, longing to kiss her just there, to caress her collarbone with his lips. As he remembers all the times he felt her body heat up against his, all the times he wanted to accept the silent invite for tenderness and pleasure in her eyes, he inhales, taking in the emerald green dress she is wearing, the flattering bustier that kisses her body, and when she turns around to show them how the tulle fabric is elegantly folded around the dais, his brain disconnects at the sight of her bare back.

“Kai?” Rick calls again. “That was a real question.”

“Ah, don’t mind him,” Enzo mocks, smirking at the dazed witch. “I’m ready to bet Andy just entered the room. The witch is bewitched.”

            Damon peeks over his shoulder, whistling with admiration. “That’s rather merciless of her.”

“She looks gorgeous, mate. If you’re not reconsidering fighting for her, I might do it myself.”

            Enzo’s words seem to wake Kai from his daydream, and even though he knows this to be a joke meant to provoke him, he clenches his jaw, tightening his grip on his glass, while not leaving Andy out of his sight. He could spend the entire night watching her, his heart happily sprinting every time he’d see how she fits in with his family.

“Why don’t you go flirt with someone who isn’t spoken for, _mate_?”

Smirks answer his retort: does this mean he is going to try and get her back? They don’t comment on that and Enzo acts serious when saying, “How can I? Elena is with Damon, Jo is getting married – though I obviously still have my chances with her–”

“You wish,” Rick mutters.

“…and Caroline is probably busy making up with Stefan as we speak.”

“What about Bon-Bon?” Kai suggests.

“What would I do with a Bonnie Bennett, I wonder,” Enzo says, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t know,” the witch answers with a shrug, “you could serenade her?”

            Enzo arches a brow at him, but Kai is still staring at Andy. He finally takes one last sip and distractedly hands the vampire his glass.

“That’s it, Parker,” Damon encourages him as he leaves. “Go get the girl.”

            He doesn’t respond, still focused on Andy, and the other three watch him walk towards her. “Ten bucks they’re ending up in a bedroom before cake-time,” Damon begins.

“Ten bucks he gets no more than a kiss,” Alaric follows.

            Enzo tilts his head, weighing the glass he’s still holding. “He did make her cry,” he says more moderately. “Ten dollars she walks away.”

 

**/*\**

 

            I smile back at them as they tell me how they are related to Jo. Though they are cautious not to reveal anything about their coven to an alleged innocent mortal, I can see their Lights peacefully dance within each of them. I can’t believe there can be so many shades of a coven’s Light. It’s like they all derive from the same, though they each have their own. Another Gemini greets the couple and they give me one more nod and smile before heading toward him. Right, so I sent Liv upstairs for her photoshoot with Jo, now I need to find Kai. I let my eyes slide over the guests, wondering whether I’ll first recognize his figure or his Light.

            When I notice him walking in my direction, with this tranquil yet determined look on his face, I can’t look away. I absolutely love how his gaze caresses my body up and down, while he reaches his hands to his chest, like he got shot to the heart.

“You look,” he slightly shakes his head, “absolutely fantastic.”

            My skin instantly warms and I grin, examining him.

“Thank you,” I say, suddenly very self-conscious. “You look very elegant in a tux.” The way he kissed me this morning has played on my mind all day – the girls couldn’t even ask me anything too elaborate, and Jo kept grinning at me like we were a done deal. It was one moment, one kiss, and it gave me so much hope that my resolution to protect my heart from his indecisions is already far, far away. “Very elegant,” I repeat under my breath.

He smiles at me, and I am pretty sure my eyes sparkle as much as his, but I don’t care to hide it. He already knows how much I am attracted to him, I’m the one who’s been wishing he still were attracted to me; and right now, when he looks at me like he is pondering whether or not he should haul me to a bedroom, I can’t help but wonder how I ever doubted it.

            We stare at each other for a moment, lost in our own fantasies, I assume, and I look away first. You need to keep your hands to yourself, Andy. Jumping him in the middle of a wedding reception would not be appropriate at all. Think of all these young children you would traumatize.

“Jo is expecting you in the bridal suite,” I say, trying to remember that a whole world exists outside of his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m heading upstairs, I–” He stops talking when I tuck a lock of hair in place, and I revel in how his eyes follow the move. So, I’m not alone in this, that’s good to know.

“Okay,”  I nod, “I’ll see you at the ceremony, then.” I start walking away but he holds my wrist, searching for words.

“Will you save me a dance?” I nod and bite my lip when he gently brushes my wrist with his thumb. When I motion to leave again, he holds me back, at a loss for words. “Will you save me all of them?”

            I purse my lips, trying to contain a wider smile.

“I think I might.”

            I squeeze his hand before gently pulling away and heading straight toward Damon, Enzo and Rick, who are standing further in the room. People that I know; I don’t think I’m capable to do small talk with strangers right now. When I reach them, my heart is still beating fast, and I take Enzo’s glass without asking, downing it at once. Breathe out, Andy.

The vampire watches me, smiling to himself for some reason, and Alaric asks, “How is she?”

“Beautiful,” I answer. “And nearly ready. We’ll be good in a few minutes.”

            Damon claps his friend’s shoulder and says, “Let’s go get you married.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, it's been a long and exhausting weekend of moving out. I got used to leaving in Paris and it's a bit weird to leave the city, but at least I'll get some post-internship rest ^_^   
> Anyway, I don't know about you but the closer we get to the vows and the more anxious I get because of what is supposed to happen... I guess we'll see how it goes! ;)


	61. Chapter 61

Sixty-one

 

My phone buzzes again and I wince. Seriously, Dee, you’re such a chicken. You can’t just run from your sister forever.

Following an brief impulse for bravery, I pick up.

“Alice,” I greet innocently. “What up?” I wince again; was I trying to sound anything _but_ guilty here? Wow, great job.

“I’ve been calling you _all_ day,” she sermons me.

“Right, sorry. I’m kinda busy at the moment–”

“You and I need to talk.”

I stiffen. “Sure. What do you wanna talk about?” My heartbeat quickens as I realize how cold she sounds. I’m not talking to my sister right now, I’m talking to my leader. She knows. She has to know.

“Jared keeps saying it’s your story to tell,” she says, anger coloring her voice. I can almost picture her cold, intimidating stare on me. “So I’m gonna ask you a question and I’m gonna ask it once: who is the new Gemini leader?” _Shit_.

 “Hm?”

“Andy,” she warns. I step away from the crowd, keeping a polite smile on my lips as people nod to me.

“What do you mean, who is–”

“He said you guys were taking care of everything; that is was all fixed but that _you_ had things to tell me.”

“Now’s not exactly the time–”

“Now _is_ the time; _I_ am making now the time. Because when I asked my first lieutenant about the Gemini leader, thinking it’s Olivia Parker, imagine my surprise when he said that he was on the phone with _him_ just yesterday and everything was fine.” Right.

“Look, I know you must be really pissed right now–”

“Understatement of the century.”

“…but I really, seriously don’t have time to go over everything with you right now–” A very old Gemini lady walks up to me, asking where Josette is. “She’s upstairs, getting ready,” I tell her gently. “We’ll begin soon.”

“Who’s getting ready?” Alice demands over the phone. “What’s beginning soon? Where are you?”

“I’m at a wedding, actually,” I answer uneasily. “It’s a rather important one, like, Gemini-important, and I can’t miss it. So I know you’re gonna hate me for that, and I am extremely, _extremely_ grateful that Jared is letting me the opportunity to be the one to tell you, but right now I can’t, so I’m gonna ask you to trust me and trust him, when we say that everything is under control, and though you _will_ freak out for a moment, it’s all good now. Sorta.”

“Andy–”

“I gotta go; love you.” I hang up and wince again. This is so not good. Now that she knows that something is up regarding the leader, I can’t delay telling her anymore. I’m gonna have to call her back and either explain it all to her over the phone, or manage to calm her down until I fly home for a face to face report. All things considered, it would probably be safer for me to stay far away from her until she cools down. Although, it’s not a conversation we ought to have over the phone.

With another uncomfortable wince, I mute my phone and tuck it in my pouch. I’m pretty sure next time I’ll look at it, I’ll find a text from Alice, formally summoning me to the family estate so I can tell her what she doesn’t know. I exhale. I thought my days here were counted, now it looks more like I have hours left. I need a drink.

 

Several minutes later, Liv enters the reception room and I lock arms with her before another coven member steals her away. Again.

“Kai is still upstairs with Jo,” she informs me. I stiffen, purposefully looking at the newly-lit candles everywhere rather than her. She still hasn’t said anything about it and I’m pretty sure she furiously disapproves, but I honestly don’t want to do this now. Or ever.

“I didn’t ask.”

“But you’re really doing this,” she says, not even angrily or as a reproach; more like… doubtful.

“I’m not the person we should ask that,” I evade with a difficult smile.

“Seriously,” she insists, yanking on my hand so that I stop and face her.

“Are we having _the talk_?”

“Looks like we are.”

I try not to snort, given that Kai and I haven’t even talked yet.

“Are you asking as my friend or as his little sister?” I can’t helping teasing.

“As the sister, obviously,” she retorts, giving me a blasé look, “cause you know I care so much about him.” I chuckle at that, imagining a world where she would actually care for him, or be as protective of him as she used to be of Luke when girls or guys used to approach him. “So?”

“There’s not much to say yet.” I shrug, trying to look indifferent enough. But Liv knows me better than this: the tears she saw two nights ago weren’t about a random crush, and the scene she witnessed this morning was certainly not meaningless. She stares, implacable, until I let out in an uncertain voice, “I feel like he wants to try, I just don’t know to what to extent.”

She looks like she’s waiting for me to wake up and realize what I just said. Even with all that she knows, it doesn’t make sense for her that I would want to build a relationship with Kai, and I can’t blame her for not being able to envision it. It seems like he can’t do that either, though he doesn’t want me to leave. I think; I hope.

“I think we’ve established he’s head over heels with you. What I don’t understand is… you.”

            I tilt my head, trying to find something to say that wouldn’t infuriate her. “What I find hard to understand, is how you go from casual hook-ups and badass, independent no-dating, to… whatever this is.”

“Because wanting to date someone makes me less badass and independent, somehow?” I ask, skeptical.

“You know what I mean.”

“Not really. I mean, if I hadn’t called you the other night, you wouldn’t even have known that we… that we were…” I inhale. “He’s not with me the whole time; I mean, we have our own stuff going on, I didn’t stop living to be with him if that’s what worries you. I’m still me.”

“But you won’t even make decisions without consulting each other.”

“Yeah, it’s called logistics.” That’s what partners do.

“It’s called domestic life. You’ve been basically living together and… I mean, at least, you don’t rub it in anyone’s face, but isn’t it weird? You told me already how being friends with a witch was so not allowed in your clan, because you’re supposed to be objective and invisible to us. Your existence is supposed to be a secret, so where do you see this going? It’s not like you can introduce him to your family, like, ‘hey, so this is my boyfriend; he’s a witch, and he doesn’t kill people anymore.’”

            Why thank you, Liv, for voicing what I’ve been asking myself without ever finding answers. Though I want to wave her questions away, I know this comes from a place where she’s worried about me and asking about my well-being. I take a step closer to her, holding both her hands in mine, trying to convey that I really mean what I’m about to say.

“Look, if you want me to say it, I’ll say it: I love him. For real. I… didn’t mean to love him; didn’t want to, but I do.” I swallow, finding it hard to confess what makes my heart stronger and vulnerable at the same time, especially to someone who is so convinced it’s a mistake. “I have… the butterflies, the silly smile, this impression that every other girl just walks by this incredibly wonderful man and doesn’t notice. And… it’s scary, to see how much he means to me, to just take a moment and think, ‘wow, I want to make this man the center of my life, and I want to make him as happy as I can.’ And it feels like he wants that too, and that’s pretty much all I know at the moment. I have no idea how we’re going to make this work and I’m not usually that short-sighted, but right now, all I can think about is that I don’t see a future without him. And if I have to fight for him and wait for him, then I will. Cause I don’t see another way to do it.” Liv doesn’t speak right away. She stands there, taking me in, and I wish I knew what she’s thinking, I wish she could see this is not a whim, I’m very serious about it.

“So you wanna fight for him,” she finally says, while I nod, “even though he makes you cry.”

“If it makes feel any better, he cried too.” Her frown has something of disgust, which I hate, so I look away. “He always wanted to be accepted and loved. By your family, by… anyone really. And now that I’m here and that I’m ready to do that, I think he doesn’t know how to handle it. He’s been trying to become worthy of you, and of Jo, and of Luke and of your other siblings, and he’s made progress, but he won’t heal in a day. Not on his own.”

“Ladies and gents, meet Andy Nightingale,” my friend scoffs, and I nudge her.

“I never nursed him. Or… maybe once, but only because I needed a favor, so it doesn’t count.” I wince.

“So let’s say you guys make up and decide to go on with this,” she resumes, failing at not rolling her eyes, “you have no plan regarding telling your clan.”

“Nope.” I even tend to think that after I report on him being coven leader, I won’t even mention what has been going on between the two of us. They wouldn’t understand; Alice wouldn’t. “To be fair, I have no plan regarding telling them about you either.” I mean, about Gemini in general. And… we’re back to square one: how am I ever going to make Alice understand that not only witches know about me, but also that they are actively part of my life? The reason why this worries me so much is because I know my sister: if I don’t choose the right moment, the right words, she’ll have me suspended before I can make a move, and she’ll kill anyone who has knowledge of our clan, which I can’t even think about. There’s no way to do this without any collateral damage, and that terrifies me. Which one of them shall pay the price of my secrets and my cowardice?

“You tend to do that, you know. You tend to wait for a difficult situation to become even more difficult before telling people.”

“Well, I guess I wouldn’t have any problem telling people if ‘people’ weren’t my boss _and_ my family. Rather high stakes, here.” Liv nods in agreement.

“Well, Jared seems to be okay with us being friends; I guess it’s mostly gonna be about your boyfriend. But as long as you don’t start making out in public…” She shudders and I laugh.

“Well, that’s not on the program, but I can’t promise anything.”

My golden-haired witch sighs emphatically.

“So I’m not supposed to be routing for his death anymore.”

“I… would appreciate if you didn’t,” I slowly confirm. “But I won’t ask you to rout for ‘Kandy’ or anything.”

“You didn’t…” she says, wide-eyed at this ridiculous ship name.

“I didn’t. Luke did. He’s our biggest supporter somehow, and I’m not sure how that happened.”

“Well, he’s Luke. He’d rout for anything that has written ‘romantic’ on it.”

“So you admit that we’re romantic material.”

“Never. Although, if he makes you cry again, I’ll skin him alive.”

            My friend takes my hand and leads me towards one of the photographers. We take several poses together and he goes along with it, humoring us as we wince and grin in front of the camera. Who cares about being childish? These pictures will be a great memory of today. Especially when I’ll be stuck in Vermont. Far away. Suspended. Unless Kai truly wants me to stay and uses his term to the alliance to save my ass.

“Andrea,” a deep, low voice greets me. I tense for a second, since no one except my elders call me that; here I’m just Andy. But not to him. Liv and I turn around to see her father walk up to us. My face falls and air leaves my lungs. The last and only time I saw him was at Luke’s funeral.

My chest tightens at the memory, and I need to remind myself that I saw my friend only a couple days ago; I saw him, hugged him, talked to him, and he was fine. He was dead, but he was fine. His spirit is safe. I automatically reach for the ring around my neck, but it’s not there. I didn’t want to risk anyone recognizing it and wanting it back.

Joshua Parker faces us, passing an affectionate arm around Liv’s waist and giving me a smile.

“Mister Parker,” I say in a voice colored with surprise.  

We hold gaze, pondering whether one of us is going to bring up Luke. I take in his white hair and neat beard, his piercing blue eyes. There is so much of Kai in his face, and of Jo. I can’t believe he is the same man who raised them all. Luke and Liv never described him as particularly affectionate, but he is their dad and they love him; and on the other hand, he was distant and cold toward Kai for all these years, probably thinking that he was protecting his coven from yet another dangerous siphoner, while all he was doing really was set him aside and pain him, and I itch to confront him about it, but I know it’s not my place to do that.

“You look well,” he tells me. “Your father will be pleased to hear that.”

“You’ve been talking to my dad,” I say cautiously.

“I have,” he nods. “Vince asked me to… keep certain coven information to myself.”

“Right,” I say, realizing he could have told Alice everything about Kai by now. “Thank you, for that. I still need to discuss some outcomes of the merge with my leader. Face to face.”

“She doesn’t know about your alliance, does she?”

            Liv’s glance goes from her father to me. Which alliance is he talking about exactly? He probably doesn’t know anything about the one Jared and Kai agreed on, so it must be about the one Luke and I drew.

“Uh– no. No one knew about that. Just like no one knew about you and my dad.”

“Your father _was_ leader,” he reminds me rather sternly.

“And Luke was friends with me, not with my leader,” I retort, a bit coldly.

            We hold gaze again and he inclines his head, adding, “I do hope this ends well for you, Andrea. I am certain my son wouldn’t want you to take any further risk with your clan.”

I don’t answer to that, because the wrong words might come out, something like ‘Don’t worry, sir; I am certain your other son will help me fix any risky situation.’ Liv senses how I tense and purposefully looks around.

“Hey, I think everybody is heading to their seats. Let’s go.” She locks arms with her father and leads him towards the entrance of the room so he can walk his elder daughter down the aisle. I head to the dais, before which everybody is starting to claim a chair. Jo’s side is full of Gemini and coworkers with whom she gets along, and the entire Mystic Gang gathers on Rick’s side, together with some fellow teachers and friends from Mystic Falls. As I join our row, I spot Bonnie, Matt, Tyler, Caroline and Stefan. I sit down next to the latter and look up to the dais, where Rick is already standing, talking with Damon. I wait to catch the former’s eye to give him a happy grin and he winks at me.

“Attempting to seduce the groom already?” Kai’s voice is low and I’m pretty sure only I can hear it. Or maybe Stefan next to me. I look up to see his cautious smile. “Is this seat taken?”

            I shake my head and watch him unbutton his suit jacket before sitting down. I hold back a sigh; he looks really, really elegant in a tux. When I see him swallow and purse his lips, when I see the tension in his jaw, I know he is uncomfortable. Is it because he has to sit on Rick’s side and not with other Gemini in order not to blow his cover? Being their leader, the center of their coven, and yet still not being part of it must be so painful to him. I repress the need to lean in to comfort him; I’m not sure I’m still allowed to do that. Though he kissed me and said he was going to fight for me; that must mean something, right?

His voice is what calls me back to reality. “I saw you talk with my dad.” Yep, definitely uncomfortable.

“I met him once.” At Luke’s funeral. “My dad asked him to filter what he tells Alice until I can talk to her.” My witch frowns at that.

“Maybe I should put Liv in charge of talking to Alice,” he suggests, almost to himself. “It could buy you more time.” He knows that’s not viable; if anything, it’ll bring more lies and secrets to the pile and things will only get worse, but the way he seems ready to do anything to help me touches me beyond words.

            I smile, incapable of telling him my sister is already losing patience at this very moment, probably demanding answers from Jared. And though my brother-in-law loves me a lot, he won’t put his marriage in jeopardy for me. My chest tightens; this could very well be my last night here. My last night with you.

The first notes of the bridal suite resonate in the room, drawing everybody’s attention to the entrance, and bringing an end to all conversations. Elena and Liv walk up to the dais, one by one, and a lot of people turn to comment their beautiful mauve dresses with their neighbors. When she reaches the dais, Liv addresses me a proud smile before looking toward her father. We all rise as one and turn to see Jo make her entrance. She solemnly walks down the aisle, escorted by her father who barely exists in my eyes; the sight of her instantly warms my heart. It’s not only this gorgeous, white bustier dress and the vail that make her so beautiful, it’s more than that. It’s also the way her pregnancy is starting to show, symbol of the family she is founding with Rick, it’s the way she glows with happiness, and only has eyes for the man waiting for her at the altar. So much love and devotion pass in their gazes, I could almost cry for them. What is it with me and crying lately? I get that I’ve been sad about different things, but crying because I’m happy for my friends is rather new.

We sit down and listen to the reverend as she welcomes us to celebrate Rick and Jo’s wedding. Her words bring smiles to a lot of faces, and when the time comes for their vows, I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s eyes sting with tears. We get to hear Alaric tell her how they both spent their lives dodging fate and beating the odds, which he is so grateful for because he got to meet her. “…I promise to be with you, and love you, and to dodge fate with you, for the rest of our lives.” At this point, Kai reaches for my hand and, as my heart jumps in my chest, I let him weave our fingers together. He brings our hands to his lips and presses a long kiss to mine, closing his eyes.

I squeeze his hand, trying not to draw hasty conclusions and trying not to tell him how much I love him. If I start now, I’ll say it over and over again, and it’s so not the right moment. He wasn’t ready to hear it two days ago, and I don’t know what made him change his mind this morning, but I’m pretty sure it’s still too big of a step for him just yet. He’s not letting me go without a fight, though. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I heard him and if there is any chance that we might be together one day, I’m in. I squeeze his hand. I’m in.

We spend the rest of the ceremony holding hands, only letting go to applaud after the traditional ‘you may kiss the bride’. We all stand up and clap our hands, beaming at the newly-weds. Even Kai wipes his eyes and his twin sister addresses him the happiest of smiles. I can’t begin to imagine how they both feel, after everything they’ve been through, to be reunited for this glorious day. One more step towards this family they are building. Jo, her husband, their babies, their babies’ uncle and aunt, and maybe one day, more aunts, uncles and children. One day, maybe.

 

*****

 

I lean against the wall, watching the dancefloor and smiling to myself. Alaric and Jo opened the ball of course. We all watched them with emotion, and I believe they were glad Caroline made them practice so hard on this first slow dance – they were fantastic and they made it look effortless. We saw them exchange a few words, though no one could hear them, but by the happy looks on their faces and by the way they chuckled at some point, one can fairly assume their conversation was pleasant.

Then Joshua Parker got to dance with his daughter. I don’t know whether it was the lights or tears, but his eyes were glittering. And when their dance ended, Damon claimed his dance with Jo, and Alaric took Elena’s hand, signaling everybody was officially allowed to join them and have fun. Then I got to dance with Alaric, which is when Enzo managed to steal Jo away for an entire song, and my partner and I happily chuckled at that. Meanwhile, Liv was dancing with her father, Bonnie was with Matt and Caroline with Tyler. She seemed to be avoiding Stefan, who didn’t wait long before getting Elena, then Bonnie, and even Liv.

As for me, I got to dance with Damon, after he let go of Bonnie; then I was happy to dance with Jo, and when Liv came to join us, we ended up moving and spinning around like three madwomen on some catchy song the DJ was playing. Laughter, giggles; we were definitely in the mood for the party, and we didn’t need alcohol for that. I only disappeared a minute to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, Jo and Kai were dancing together on some trendy pop song, so I leaned against the wall and watched them, taking in their happiness and storing this image in my memory.

Most people here see Jo and another guest, but some of us can see the twins together, and I’m pretty sure we are all more or less dumbfounded to watch them move on the dancefloor like they spent their entire life doing just that; they have their own codes and memories and inside jokes, and it is an absolute delight to watch his face light up the way it does, and to hear her laugh to tears.

“How in the world can _you_ be left alone tonight?” I don’t need to turn my head to recognize the British accent. I roll my eyes, smiling nonetheless, and Enzo comes leaning against the wall beside me. “A penny for your thoughts.”

I look up to see him examine me, which makes me realize that if my face shows my inner thoughts, then it might look a bit melancholic indeed.

“I was thinking that it’s a beautiful night, and the only one missing here is Luke.”

The vampire inhales, and somehow, the fact that he doesn’t speak right away feels like a gesture of respect. Our gazes go from Jo, to Kai, to Liv, then back to Jo, and after a minute, he says, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I threatened to kill him once. When I… took over the _Scull Bar_.”

I smile. “For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have let you.” He chuckles at that and extends his hand to me.

“Come on, love. I’m sure he would have danced with you tonight; let’s honor him and dance for him.”

I take his hand and offer him a sincere smile, truly grateful for the thought. I can’t wait to tell Luke about that. We join the crowd and start dancing, silent at first, until Enzo glances over at Kai and Jo, and smirks.

“What?”

“I think we are making a certain someone quite jealous over there.” I bite my lip and try not to look. “Which is completely unfair, when you think about it,” the vampire goes on, “because you danced with other men tonight and none of them got these murderous stares.”

            I laugh at that, knowing Kai is not one to let his emotions show when he can avoid it, let alone murderous stares.

“What do you want me to say, Enzo. All of the men I danced with tonight were taken. You, my friend, are the only bachelor on the list.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t have someone on my mind.”

I watch him, trying to remember whether I saw him being different with any girl of our group.

“Do you like Bonnie, by any chance?”

“What is it with you all trying to set me up with Bonnie?” the vampire wonders, rolling his eyes.

“Alright, sorry. I guess the both of you are single, so…” I trail off and shrug.

“It’s not Bonnie.”

“But it’s someone we know,” I say, “otherwise you would have given me a name.” He swallows and averts his eyes, looking weirdly uncomfortable. “Hey, I’m not one to judge. I mean…” I give him an obvious wince and he chuckles.

“I haven’t told anyone; I don’t think people in our…group would understand.”

“Well, if you want to tell someone, I’m here. And if you don’t want to, that’s fine too.”

            He watches me for the longest time, before looking away again and inhaling deeply.

“It’s Lily.”

            Lily. Lilian Salvatore? Huh. Okay. Didn’t see that one coming. “You’re not saying anything.”

“There’s nothing for me to say. Do you feel better?”

“No.”

“Do you need a hug?”

He snorts. “Lord, no! It was embarrassing enough the first time around.”

“You’re right. Though I _would_ hug you if you needed me to.”

“Huh, so you’re that kind of person.”

“I am that kind of person.” He snorts again, shaking his head.

“She was the one to turn me into a vampire, back in 1903,” he explains. “I was sick, dying, and alone. She took me with her, offered me hope, the prospect of a family. And then she left me. I hated her for abandoning me, the monster she created, and then I found her again, over a century later. Turns out she’d been imprisoned by the Gemini this whole time. She never abandoned me, she was… taken.”

            I keep silent, letting his story sink in, accepting his perspective. Again, I can’t really judge him for whom he likes; it’s not like we have a say in these things. The vampire shakes his head again, coming back to the present, and I slightly frown when he looks back at me, because he won’t hold my gaze for some reason.

“Is there more to it?”

“I… might have something to tell you,” he ventures cautiously, almost shamefully. “And you won’t like it.” My face falls as concern overtakes me. Why do I sense something big and bad is about to enter my range of information? “I found Lily, after she escaped. We talked, and… I might have let it slip, that Quetsiyah’s blood was on the headstone.”

“You _what_ ,” I let out.

“She was so sad about her family, Andy, how could I not–”

“Damn it, Enzo!” I snap under my breath. He lowers his eyes again.

“I’m sorry.”

“I hope you are. Do you realize what could happen if they get to it and we’re not prepared?”

“I know, I– I didn’t want you all to think I’d betrayed you. Besides, Kai is going to destroy 1903 anyway, I thought it wouldn’t matter–”

“Well, that’s not solid,” I retort. “We’re looking for another way to deal with them, blowing it up is just the emergency button. And Joshua still hasn’t agreed to tell us how to destroy a prison world; he still believes it could come in handy if Kai goes astray.” I exhale, thinking fast. We won’t be getting anywhere tonight, I don’t think ruining everybody’s fun would be the best of ideas. We are rather good at dealing with crises but we also need to recharge, and this wedding is most definitely a great way to do it. Tonight is sacred. I can’t take that from us all.

            I exhale again. “At least, you’re telling me now. With all those Gemini around, with Joshua here… we can call for an extraordinary meeting tomorrow. We’ll need to make him understand that there is no turning back. We _need_ a way to contain them.”

“Look at you,” Enzo says, “already thinking like the Gemini Queen.”

“This is not funny, Enzo.”

“Then I guess it’s time you change partners.” Our heads whip to Kai. He is standing next to us, his eyes locked on Enzo, and though they have been sort of becoming friends lately, there is no mercy for the vampire to be seen. Enzo looks at me, inquiring about our previous conversation rather than the dance, and I nod to him. There is no point in alarming everybody tonight, it won’t do any good. I’ll gather them all tomorrow morning to discuss what to do, and I’ll need to make sure no one kills Enzo for his slip. We all make mistakes.

The vampire presses a gallant kiss to the back of my hand a gives me a wink before clapping Kai’s shoulder in a friendly way.

“She’s all yours, mate.” The witch immediately steps in, and his cold gaze follows the vampire as he walks away.

“I hate him,” he mutters.

“He’s our friend,” I respond, “and you _did_ get jealous, so I get to keep him.”

            Kai looks down at me, and in a matter of seconds, his irritation fades away. I am here, in his arms, and it seems to be enough. The longer we stare, the louder my heart beats in my chest, and the warmer my skin gets. “I saw you dance with Jo,” I say. “You both looked very happy.”

            He nods, smiling at the thought of it, and swallows before saying in a low voice, “I saw you dance with Jo, too. And that made me happy.” My heart dances in my chest. I can’t help deciphering messages when he says things like that. Are we a real thing, then?

I watch him look around, his tranquil gaze sliding from guest to guest, a content smile on his lips. He inhales deeply. “I can’t believe a day like this is happening.” His eyes fill with tears and he shakes his head, sniffing. His fond gaze lands back on me, and he brings my hand to his lips, kissing my palm. I can almost hear them, the words he won’t pronounce, because they seem to be the caption beneath so many of his gestures. I will dance with you all night, Kai Parker, and I don’t need anything else to make me happy.

            When a slow dance begins. Kai pulls me closer, resting a hand on the bare skin of my back, and keeping my other hand close to his heart. “You are so, so beautiful,” he whispers in my ear. I can’t help a shiver, and his thumb strokes my back, gently, temptingly. I look up to his face, trying to decipher his expression. Does he realize what he is doing to me? I thought we’d agreed on banning unfair provocation since 1903.

“You are very, very handsome in a tux,” I breathe out. He squeezes my hand.

“I’ll make sure to wear one more often, then.” My chest tightens. I don’t have to leave him, he can make my staying here a condition to our alliance, but I can’t ask him that as long as I don’t know what he wants for us. I won’t have it in me to stay here and monitor him if we can’t be more than what we’ve been. I need to know.

“Kai.” My mouth goes dry, and my heart pounds in my chest. Please, _please_ , don’t push me away. He listens, very intently. “You said you’d fight for me,” I say, “but… what are you fighting for exactly?” What can I hope for?

“I’m fighting for you. For all of you.” I look up and he holds my gaze. “I can’t lose you, Andy. I need you right here in my arms. So I’m gonna give you everything you want. Everything.”

            Hope, pure hope surges in me. As well as a shade of prudence. Going from utter caution to everything in a couple days? That’s quite the leap. The example of children comes to my mind: would he give me that too, even though he never wants to have any? My inner voice rejoices but also begs me to tread carefully. We don’t want the same things. We can’t be together because _I_ want it. It needs to come from the both of us.

“I’m not certain you want what I want,” I say gingerly.

“All I want is you,” he immediately answers in my ear. “I’m yours, Andy.” His lips brush my cheek, my jaw, then my neck, and I close my eyes, wishing we were alone. “I only need you, and I’ll give you anything.” He gently bites my neck and my body arches to him. He chuckles and faces me, biting his lip while gazing at mine. “You’re burning up,” he sighs. “I hope that means you’ll be coming home with me tonight.” Alright, giant steps it is.

“Depends; what’s on the calendar?” I can’t even pretend my breathing is regular.

“I think you’ll like it.” He leans in again, and what he whispers in my ear sends goose bumps all over my body.

“Do you really want this?” I inquire, painfully remembering how I wasn’t allowed to touch him before, how he would stop me, push me away every time I’d try.

“I do. I’ve wanted you for ages, for a century. I ache for you, Andy.” He brushes my cheek with his, and I close my eyes, reveling in how the neat, short stubble prickles my skin. Should I worry that he can undo me like that, with mere words and touches? The drive home suddenly feels endless.

“There are rooms in this motel,” I breathe out.

“Shall we head upstairs, then?” I can’t help a smile at the urge he is trying to control in his voice. He wants me. All of me.

“Not just yet,” I decide. “Let’s have one more dance.” He buries his face in my hair and sighs painfully.

“You’re killing me.”

“You kept me waiting for a long time, Parker. Behold my revenge.”

“Fair enough.”

            He caresses my back and I wrap my arms around his neck, closing my eyes as I rest my cheek against his. If it weren’t for the fire raging inside me, I would dance with him all night. I’d stay here with him, in plain sight, surrounded with our friends and his family. Around us, dozens of couples are moving along the slow music. Rick and Jo, Damon and Elena, even Liv and Tyler are dancing together. Bonnie is over there, eating canapés with Matt and Stefan, while Enzo and Caroline share a drink. Yes, I want to make this night last forever. But I know better than to test my limits. Tonight, he is mine, and I won’t be postponing that any longer.

            This light, lazy happiness seems to fade when I notice Gemini Lights. New ones. Different ones. I stiffen. I’ve seen some of these Lights before, and my body tenses because my physical reflexes are quicker than my brain on this one. I don’t stare but carefully observe, examining, counting and assessing. Against me, Kai senses the shift, but his voice is still a bit dreamy, raw with desire, when he asks, “What’s wrong?” At worst, it could be something mundane regarding the wedding. Who is already drunk? Has something happened with the cake? Did someone irremediably stain her dress? He has no idea what I am about to say. I swallow, knowing I’m about to change everything about tonight, and there is no going back from that.

            I lift my heels and kiss the skin near his ear, as if to tell him something only lovers can hear, and I can already picture his face; confusion, and then understanding, and panic. I hate that I’m the one to tell him, that he hears _my_ voice when I say, “They’re here.”


	62. Chapter 62

Sixty-two

 

_“They’re here.”_

            Simple words, merely a whisper, and it resonates in Kai’s head as if she’d shouted them. His grip on her tightens, and for a second, he blocks anything that isn’t related to the skin he touches, to her body against his, and to her scent of raspberry. His brain doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows already what she means, who ‘they’ are.

            He pulls back just enough to face her, to see her serious, intent look.

“How many?” His heart is racing in his chest already, blood battling in his temples.

“Five.” This can’t be happening. “Three women and two men. Dirty-blond hair, blue eyes and forest-green dress over the entrance. The two men next to her, the one with brown hair and the fancy suit, and the one taller with black skin. And the two young women dancing over there: the one with long, blond hair, in the pink dress, and the one with the long, dark curls wearing black.”

            They slowly move around, pretending they’re still dancing, while Kai takes a good look at each of them. No one saw them coming, and deep down he knows they are not here for a happy family reunion, not after spending over a century in prison. He notices the cruel, famished smirks on the faces of those who aren’t dancing, and his stomach wrings with apprehension. They’re here for revenge.

“There are so many of them,” he whispers, his eyes stinging already. Not the heretics, the people they need to evacuate. Andy discreetly nods to him any other entrance they can use, and he can’t help counting them all, counting the children. She reaches for her phone in her pouch and he silently watches her text her ‘Mystic Gang’ contact list. One word – _Heretics_. She looks up at him.

“Get everybody out, I’ll hold them back.”

“Be invincible,” he requests in a murmur, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. It’s going to start, they only have a few heartbeats left. Not far from them, Enzo receives a text and frowns. Then Damon. Bonnie. Matt. Kai steps away from her, heading toward the nearest group of people. He needs to be as discreet as possible when telling them to ‘Leave. Now.’

            In the corner of his eye, he sees Enzo and Bonnie talking to Andy. Already, the creasing of dresses alerts the heretics. They’ve been spotted, they won’t lose a second. The two young women on the dancefloor look up to the ceiling, quietly holding hands, and Kai follows their gaze. The chandeliers start shaking everywhere above their heads. His eyes land on Liv’s happy smile, as she steps away from Tyler, reaching a hand to her painful heels. “Just let me take those off,” he can hear her say, “they’re killing me.” The chandelier above her shakes more violently and the lights flicker in the room. He sees the catastrophe coming and he doesn’t have time to think.

            He lunges for Liv when hearing the first screams, tackling her to the floor and rolling over to protect her. She struggles to get free from this unexpected attack but the chandelier crashes right next to her head and she freezes. The world stops for a second. She is alive. Kai and her share and glance and when they look up, horror overtakes their faces; the nightmare has begun. The room is dark, people are running around, screaming, but what goes straight to him is the children’s screams. The kind of screams that haunt him at night. _Don’t hurt them_.

            All windows explode at the same time and shattered glass rains on them. Some silverware start flying and Kai magically motions a fallen table around to shield them. Forks and knives violently hit the wood instead of them.

“Are you hurt?” he asks, his voice barely audible in this mess. Liv feels for the back of her head; it’s painful but there is no blood.

“I’m good.” They are already looking around, wondering what they can do, how they can help; but where to begin? “What do we do?”

“You need to leave. Now,” he commands, his eyes already settling on an inanimate body near them. Is that Connie?

“Oh my God, Tyler!” She reaches out for him, but Kai holds her back behind the table.

“I’ll take care of him; run.”

“I’m not leaving,” his sister objects, “I can help.” They are still kneeling down behind the table when he abruptly cups her face with his hands, making her start. He rests his brow on hers; he doesn’t have time to argue.

“It’s only us now, Livvie Pooh. I can’t lose you too.” She can feel something pass between them, it’s the same sensation as when he would siphon her magic, back when he didn’t have feelings, but it’s softer. He’s not drawing from her powers, he’s drawing from a spell. Not much, but just enough so it doesn’t hurt. “Run,” he whispers.

            They share a glance and she nods, obeying him without thinking, and Kai can head over to Tyler, hauling him behind the table as well before waking him up. The former werewolf’s eyes shoot open in surprise, and even more so at the sight of Kai kneeling before him: he wasn’t allowed into the glamour spell before this moment, he didn’t know Kai was even here. Looks like either what he heard about the witch discovering a conscience for himself is true, or he’s going to die very soon. The Gemini leader stares, apparently waiting for him to react, and the other young man takes this as a good sign. Tyler winces in pain and looks around everywhere for Liv. “She’s outside, go join her.”

Tyler’s attention draws back to Kai, who is now searching the debris for the next person. The human then looks at the devastated reception room and motions to go join the fight, but Kai’s hand instantly holds him back; strong, implacable. “You’re human now; go outside if you don’t want to get yourself killed.” Tyler stares at him for a second, processing the witch’s words, hating that there is nothing he can do anymore. How does Kai even know he used to be a werewolf? Looking around, he spots Liv’s dress as she heads to the exit and follows after her. As for the younger Parker, it’s only when she reaches one of the doors that she realizes Kai just drew from the spell deleting him from her childhood. It’s a feeling at first; a feeling of warmth, and love, and tranquility.

_“Kai, do the bear voice,” the younger her requests. She must be two or three._

_“I can’t hear you with that,” her brother says. She sighs emphatically, taking the pacifier out of her mouth._

_“Do the bear voice,” she asks again, more impatiently. The pacifier is back in place when Kai gives her a smile and holds the colorful book for her to see, distorting his voice to amuse her, “‘_ Who’s been sitting on my chair _?’ Daddy bear howled...” The little girl inevitably giggles, clutching her old, raggedy stuffed-parrot, and leaning against his shoulder. She can feel something being taken from her when she does, but as she starts and looks up, Kai has the same look she has when she eats the cookies while mommy said to wait. “I’m sorry, Olivia,” he whispers, “I don’t do it on purpose.” He looks sad now, and she doesn’t want him to look sad. She leans in again, tenderly resting her head under his, a silent signal for him to keep reading. A hug and a story always calm her down when she is about to cry._

            As the cool air of the outside slides on her skin, a tear falls on Liv’s cheek.

 

Kai doesn’t pay attention to the screams, nor the chants. He doesn’t pay attention to the warm liquid pouring over one of his ears and down his neck. His eyes are set on his most urgent target, and everything that isn’t directly standing in his way doesn’t matter for now. Half a minute ago, Andy was still fighting against two heretics who were blocking an exit. He can’t let his thoughts deviate to her all the time; she is strong and powerful, he must trust that she’ll make it out alive. He must trust that they all will.

            A well-known figure crosses his path, busy fighting against the brown-haired heretic, and when he sees him trip over a fallen chair and hit the floor, Kai doesn’t think: he summons every drop of magic is has left and raises his hand. At his silent command, the witch-vampire hybrid is propelled to the opposite wall and falls unconscious. For now.

            Joshua Parker looks up at him, ready to thank whoever saved his life– and freezes. He takes in the way his eldest son stands, already exhausted, and clearly not spared by the ongoing battle. He didn’t attack _him_ but the heretic, meaning he’s been fighting on their side. Jo’s words come back to him. _‘Did you know there is a spell that can delete one’s emotions?’_

Kai clenches his jaw, realizing he removed his glamour himself when he tapped in all the magic he had at his disposal. He lowers his hand and after one more second of staring at his father, he resumes his race towards the immobile body in white; towards Jo.

            He lets out a horrified moan when kneeling down next to her. At first he doesn’t know where to put his hands, there is so much blood pooling around her head and on her dress. The Gemini leader pulls her to him, holding her unconscious body and trying to contain his sobs. She can’t be gone. She can’t be.  

Less than a foot from them, Alaric is also senseless, severely injured at the temple. Kai’s shaking hands caress Jo’s arms so softly he barely touches her, as so many memories from their childhood surge. He tries to block out any sound from the battlefield behind him as he focuses on his sister, on the weak pulse he can feel when taking her wrist. She’s not gone yet, she’s right here.

He murmurs a healing spell, closing his eyes for concentration. Anything can happen, anyone can end him; he is turning his back to them all and anyone can get to him, but right now, all that matters is getting Jo to safety. Jo and her babies.

Once he is done with the spell, he shoots to his feet, already hauling her in his arms. He did everything he could with all he had left but now she needs a doctor. God, he doesn’t even know whether her twins are fine.

“Caroline!” he calls when seeing the blond-haired vampire rise up after hitting a wall rather violently.

“Oh, my God,” she whispers, her eyes widening at the sight of Jo in his arms. She forgets her head injury, which is already healing anyway, and rushes over to Kai. “I’ll give her my blood.”

            The witch instantly shrinks back. “We don’t know the effects on the twins,” he says. They share a glance, and they both remember how Caroline tried to cure her mother’s cancer with her vampire blood, and how Damon had to make a deal with Kai so he would siphon it all out of the Sherriff: instead of healing her, the blood was speeding the spread of her illness.

“Just– get her to the nearest hospital,” he tells her, handing her his sister with care, “only use blood as last resort.” The young vampire nods, barely feeling Jo’s weight thanks to her supernatural strengths. She shares one more glance with Kai before vamping away from the massacre.

            Kai exhorts himself not to look around; people still need his help, and his best fighter is already holding the heretics off, alongside the last witches standing. He heads back to his brother-in-law and begins a new healing spell, wishing another vampire would show up. He knows they are not coming though: he heard Damon freak out over Elena’s unconscious and very mortal body, and saw him vamp out of here within a second. Caroline and Enzo were fighting, and the latter is probably still over there, together with Bonnie, Andy, his father… He ends the spell: he gave Rick the bare minimum for survival, he needs to save his strengths for the others, there are so many of them.

            The professor winces and blinks, but the witch doesn’t have time to make it comfortable for him; he passes his arm around his shoulder and lifts him, staggering under his weight. Sweat keeps gathering on his forehead and on his back, he’s been burning his forces too fast, both magical and physical. He’ll drop dead in a matter of minutes if he isn’t more cautious. He nearly trips over a body, but a curly-blond mass of hair appears next to him, and she takes on her shoulder the other half of Rick’s weight.

“I told you to go,” Kai barks.

“And I chose not to listen,” Liv simply retorts. She looks determined, and it gives Kai a second breath to go on. He’s not alone.

They haul motionless-Alaric towards the nearest exist, starting and tensing at each explosion or rough noise or scream. He only prays not to hear Andy’s.

“Stefan! Blood!” He shouts. The vampire is crouching, already busy giving his blood to any living body he can spot. He immediately joins them, feeding Rick his blood. “Care’s at the hospital with Jo,” the witch simply adds. No more words are needed, they’ll all find each other.

            Stefan is already gone with Rick when Kai and Liv rise straight, searching the area for injured to save. An acrid smell of burnt fabric fills their throats before they can see the opaque smoke gradually invade the room. They don’t have much time left.

They head towards the fight, magic buzzing in them and at the tip of their fingers, ready to come out and obey their commands. Liv looks up and grabs her brother’s sleeve right on time: another chandelier crashes where he was about to step. They share a glance before looking around; the smoke makes it even harder to make out anything.

            When Kai sees him fall once again, he doesn’t move right away and watches him over there; one moment of inaction before snapping back into reality: he takes Liv’s wrist, nodding to their father. “Go help him,” he simply says. _Because I won’t._

            She nods and he watches her run to their father, help him get back up, and stand tall next to him, facing their opponent.

“Get out of here, Olivia,” Joshua commands her.

“Sorry, Dad, I can’t really take your orders right now.” She joins her hands and throws them open towards the witch-vampire girl, propelling her against the nearest wall in a bright explosion of light. “I’m kinda busy obeying my leader.”

            Kai leaves father and daughter as they go help Bonnie with her own assailant; he wouldn’t trust his father on a lot of things, but he is certain he won’t let anything happen to Olivia. He resumes his search for last survivors, the smell of burnt flesh making him sick. He stops and frowns when spotting a now-strained-with-blood white tablecloth move about; there’s no one moving it. Or rather, he can’t see anyone one moving it. Panic surges and he rushes over to the remote table, kneeling down and reaching it in a skid. When he lifts the tablecloth, there is no one to be seen but he knows better.

            As leader, he can overpower any cloaking spell cast by his coven-members. More easily so when they are children. One thought, a whim of magic, and the five of them appear before him, approximately aging from five to eleven, looking terrified at the sight of him covered in blood.

“It’s fine,” he reassures them, holding up his hands. “It’s fine, I’m with you.” The younger one starts crying and comes take refuge in his arms, clutching her stuffed-rabbit. Kai suddenly inhales, mobilizing all of his will-power not to recoil from her. Before he can add anything, someone skids next to him. She must be sixteen; a teenager. He knows her, she was the youngest Gemini allowed at the coven meeting he presided in Portland.

“You’re Violet, right?” She nods, cautiously glancing between him and the children. He can see in her eyes that she knows about him, about what he did. Only the younger children don’t know, as always. Shaking the thought, he motions her under the table and joins them, resetting the tablecloth so no one will see them and he reestablishes a stronger cloaking spell over them. No matter how weakened he is, his abilities are more powerful than theirs. 

“Are you hurt?” he asks, using all the softness he can while knowing they need to move, fast; if heretics don’t get them, fire will. The eldest shakes her head, squeezing another child’s hand tightly. “Okay,” he nods to himself, thinking fast, “good.”

            He doesn’t even know them, but he refuses to lose any of them. Enough children have died in this family already. His hands are shaking when he snaps his fingers to get their attention. “We’re gonna head out together and you’re gonna hold each other’s hands, okay? Like we’re dancing farandole. Violet, you make sure they hold hands. And you guys look at me the whole time, not around you and not behind, you look at _me_. You think you can do that?” Most of them nod, wiping their tears. “Okay, let’s go. Remember to look at me and stay close.”

            They comply and he leads them towards the exist. From the corner of his eye, he can see that Liv and his father are having difficulties with the brown-haired heretic, he needs to be faster. He tugs on the hand he’s holding, making sure the others follow, and abruptly stops when coming face to face with another Gemini, whose head and chest are covered in blood but who seems well enough to be standing on her own. He instantly includes her in his cloaking spell, allowing her to see them. The woman starts at the sight of him, surprise and fear overtaking her face, but he doesn’t have time for that. He bends to the children, ordering them, “Go with Celeste; you look at her and you don’t look back.”

            He briefly locks eyes with Celeste, only long enough for her to realize he’s here to help. As she opens her mouth to talk, he gently pushes the children to her and nods her to go. He then heads over to where he last spotted Liv.

 

            When she saw Bonnie fall to the ground, struggling to breathe, Liv directed her magic towards the brown-haired heretic. Malcolm. She heard one of them call him Malcolm. The man then turned his attention to her, effortlessly motioning Joshua out of the picture when the latter lunged between them.

Liv steps back, exhausted; they all are. Caroline and Stefan aren’t fighting anymore, Enzo and Andy seem to be the last ones standing, and by the looks of it, they won’t hold long. How can they keep up with witches who can endlessly fuel their magic? They can’t.

            She tries to channel her powers, anything to stop his predator step as he walks towards her. The vision of Kai trying to kill her at the Salvatores’ not long after the merge crosses her mind. Malcolm is having fun; they all are. They came here to make the Gemini pay.

“Too bad you found us out so soon,” he says in a honeyed tone, summoning a knife to his hand, “I wanted to taste the cake.”

            Liv trips and her back meets a wall. Her heart pounds with panic. She’s trapped, her father can’t protect her this time; she can see him struggle to get back up, watching her with despair. She lifts her hand again, pushing the boundaries of her magic, but Malcolm blocks her attack. “Really?” he snorts. He gives her a disappointed smile and stabs. Confusion. They both frown and he stabs again. The knife won’t go all the way to the blond-haired witch, but he can feel it transpierce flesh, he can hear the characteristic sound of it. He stabs and stabs again, losing patience, until a sharp pain pierces his skull, making him scream.

            He drops the knife, and when he buckles on his feet, the pain intensifies. Kai’s cloaking spell evaporates, letting him appear between Malcolm and Liv, his hands holding the heretic’s head, as his entire magic consumes itself in this spell. Similar screams of pain reach them as other heretics seem to feel the pain as well, but the leader barely hears them. Everything he is is dissolving at the tip of his fingers, and he keeps pushing and pushing, until Malcolm’s brain fries and he falls to the ground, unconscious.

            Kai stands over the body, trying to think of a way to kill him for good before Malcolm’s vampire abilities heal him. His breathing is scattered, difficult, and you can’t tell whether he looks this pale because of the fire lights dancing around them or because of all the blood he’s lost. He gasps, frowns, then looks down to his white shirt now covered in red. His shaking hands weakly reach for the damp fabric, but he doesn’t exactly register. There is only the blood hammering in his temples, and the sharp pain tearing his abdomen. His knees hit the ground and he gasps again.

            Joshua Parker is still to the ground, a couple feet from them, panting, too weakened by his injuries to move; he watches Liv kneel down next to Kai and turn his body over to examine the wound.

“’the hell was that?” she barks at her brother.

“No one touches my baby sister,” he says, almost to himself. He gasps again and his eyes reach the ceiling. Blood fills his mouth, making him heave or cough; he’s not sure. The fire projects these changing shadows, he can’t look away. She tries to stop the bleeding.

“You took a _knife_ for me,” she tells him off.

“Can’t think of a better way to die.” His voice is as weak as the smile he gives her. He tried to kill her and now he dies saving her; he completed the circle. It’s fine, he can rest now.

“You’re leader, you idiot. If you die, we all die with you.” Kai’s eyes shoot open at her words, but he can feel already he is too weak to keep them open for long. It’s alright, he can let go.

“Didn’t think it through.” Her gestures aren’t soft; all this anger now boiling inside give her back a semblance of magic, which she uses to attempt a healing spell. In the meantime, Joshua gets back up, slowly, with difficulty. His eyes are locked on this image of Liv trying to maintain Kai alive. She’s right: if he dies, they all die. Smoke invades his lungs, he coughs. Everything is falling apart around them. He takes a step towards them and moans in pain; his leg is so sore, he is probably wounded.

“Olivia…” he begins. Both heads turn to him. His daughter’s eyes call him for help, while Kai’s fill with panic and pain.

“Not him.” He turns his face to Liv, begging her, imploring her. “Don’t let him come near me, not him.” She doesn’t need to add this to her plate, so she looks up at her father and tells him to stay away for now. “Not him,” Kai repeats, his eyes shut, tears pearling at their corners. “Please, don’t let him come near me.”

“It’s fine, he’s not coming. He’s not coming.” Her words soothe him and he slightly relaxes. Pain doesn’t register anymore. Darkness is so peaceful, so appealing. He’ll just keep his eyes closed and rest, he’ll give in to silence and tranquility for a while.


	63. Chapter 63

Sixty-three

 

Kai opens his eyes and it takes him time to realize he is awake. It also takes him time to realize he is in a car. The horrors of the wedding suddenly strike him and he jerks up.

“You’re awake.” Next to him on the backseat, Liv is examining him, looking unhappy. “Try not to die: I used Malcolm’s blood to heal you and I’d hate to add one more heretic to the count.”

Kai doesn’t retort that vampire blood or not, he should avoid dying at all costs: it’ll still decimate the entire coven. He doesn’t understand either the caption to her words: stay alive.

He stretches his neck left and right; his entire body is sore. The sky is pitch black outside, there is no way to tell what time it is. He meets the driver’s eyes in the rearview; Enzo. As for the front passenger, he notices from the corner of his eye that it’s his father. Great; he’s in a car with him now.

In a car.

He jerks up again.

“Where are we going?” The unrest in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed.

“We’re heading to the hospital–” Enzo begins.

“What? No! Turn around; we need to go back!”

“If you die, they all die. We had to get you out of there–”

“I’m their leader!” Kai shouts to the vampire. “Turn this car around!”

“There’s nothing more you can do–”

“There are still people in there–”

“No, there aren’t!” Enzo yells. Silence falls as the words sink in. How long has he been out? He meets Enzo’s eyes again and the latter exhales. “I looked around for survivors when we took you outside. There was no one else to save.” Kai’s throat tightens. There were so many bodies lying on the floor.

His heart suddenly stops. “Andy,” he whispers.

“She’s fine,” Liv tells him. “She’s helping out at the hospital.” Relief. Air. She’s alive. She’s fine.

“What about Jo? The others?”

“From all those texts we got,” Enzo resumes more calmly, “the entire group made it. I don’t know more about your coven, nor the humans who were there.” Kai sinks back in his seat, fatigue striking him unexpectedly. There is so much more to be done. Untying his bow and letting it loosely hang around his neck in order to breathe, he watches Enzo take his phone out of his suit pocket and hand it to Joshua. The former leader has been silent the entire time, half-listening and half-lost in thoughts. “Text Damon and Andy that the four of us are on our way to the hospital.” The Gemini silently complies and the vampire mutters to himself, “We could use a group chat rather than all those texts.”

            They spend the rest of the ride in utter silence. Enzo keeps glancing at Kai through the rearview, reminding himself that the witch does have vampire blood in his system: his blench, sick face will restore to health in no time. As for Liv, she glances sideways at Kai as well, chewing on her mixed feelings. She hates how relived she felt when she heard him breathe after drinking Malcolm’s blood, because she knows it’s not only about her leader’s – and thus her – safety. She was scared _for_ _him_.

She looks throughout the window, hugging her chest. She resents herself for this memory that keeps playing in her head, of how peaceful and loved and safe she was feeling with him, and for this echo of love that has resurfaced and that is pulling her towards him and Jo. She resents herself for wanting to lean in for a hug now, just like she would lean in to hug Luke after some crazy night like this. Her brother.

            When they get to the hospital, Damon shows up, directing them to the second floor, without paying attention to ordinary patients scrutinizing them and gaping at all this blood covering their clothes.

“We booked the floor to ourselves,” Damon tells them as they walk up the stairs, “compelled medical staff not to freak out and just help.” Walking on his left, Enzo nods, listening as intently as Kai, who is walking on Damon’s right. A trio marching on to work.

“What do we have?” is Kai’s question. How can we help?

“I’d say we have things under control now. Stef and I have been vamping around, healing the wounded with our blood and compelling humans to stay calm–”

“What about Jo?” the leader cuts him off. “The twins?”

“She’s alive; she’s with the doctors right now. Rick is looking after her, Caroline is ready to give her blood if needed, and Andy is looking after them all.” Kai breathes in. They’re good; she’s fine. Liv realizes she’s walking on Kai’s right side, just like she used to walk on her dad’s. His right-hand girl. She slows down so Joshua catches up with her and they listen intently to Damon’s words, “Elena and Matt hauled vampire blood from Jo’s secret bank. They’re going around, making sure we didn’t miss anyone and listing everybody.”

            They reach the second floor and open the door on Tyler. After a second of surprise, Liv lunges for his arms and he hugs her back, closing his eyes and finally breathing. Kai tries not to think of how much he longs to hold Andy in his arms just like that.

“How’s the spell coming along, Ty?” Damon asks him. The former werewolf opens his eyes and pulls back a little, keeping Liv in his arms when answering, “Bonnie’s all set. She’s cloaked us all and she’s doing a locator spell to keep tabs on the heretics. It looks like they’ve gathered with Lily in an abandoned house outside Mystic Falls.” Enzo tenses at the mention of Lily but doesn’t say anything. There are too many injured and she is too far away – they won’t be going after her just yet.

Tyler turns to Kai. “The children are fine, in case you’re wondering.” Heads turn to them as he continues, “Matt and I stole the catering truck to drive them here when we ran into Celeste. A younger girl said you found them.”

            Kai only presses his arm, grateful beyond words, wishing someone had been around to save his younger siblings the night he went mad, and Tyler nods to him; at least he found a way to help.

The new Gemini leader looks at the nurses’ station a few feet from them, thinking fast.

“Liv, go check on people. Text me an update on everybody and make sure Elena shares her list of MIAs, then go help Bonnie; she doesn’t need to keep the locator spell going all night: it’ll wear her out. Instead, try to come up with something to keep them out of the hospital in case they come. Gemini who aren’t injured, and _only_ them, are free to join; the stronger the spell, the better. You,” he nods to Tyler, “go with her. Make sure she doesn’t wear herself out and let me know if she’s being stubborn. I’ll go see Jo and I’ll join you.”

            Tyler blinks but then nods and takes Liv’s hand. She first glances at her father, who actually has nothing to say against Kai’s words, before following Tyler. Her brother watches them go before rubbing his temples. First order of business: Jo and her twins. He needs to see her with his own eyes, make sure she’s fine.

Enzo and Damon flanking him, Joshua following, he steps to the nurses’ station and asks, “Josette Laughlin’s room, please. Jo Parker. Or– Saltzman. I’m not sure under which name she’s been registered.”

            The nurse’s stare is blank, she doesn’t question their clothes strained with blood, she only mechanically asks, “Are you family?”

“I’m her father,” Joshua says, stepping forward. The nurse turns her void stare to Kai. “And he’s…” He stops. He can’t bring himself to voice it. He can’t bring himself to call him his son.

“I’m Jo’s brother,” Kai fills in, burying the cut deep, deep inside.

            The nurse looks down at her charts, searching Jo’s name. She opens her mouth but Joshua’s voice is louder when he calls, “Andrea?” Heads whip to him, then follow his gaze until spotting her. She turns around, her dress is torn and bloodied, and her skin is covered in healing cuts and bruises, her hair is a red-stained mess. Her eyes meet Kai’s and she exhales.

They fill in the distance and their bodies collide in a tight embrace. Kai holds her against him as if he could fade her into him; the closer, the better. He inhales deeply, but the sweet raspberry scent he loves so much is gone, covered with the smell of blood and smoke and sweat. He kisses her temple, her cheek, her brow. She’s safe. Thank God she’s alive and well.

“I couldn’t find you,” Andy tells him, her voice shaking. The nerves. The shock after tonight.

“I’m alright. I’m here.” He rubs her arms for comfort. “Please, don’t cry,” he requests. If she cries now, he’s going to break down as well and there is so much left to do. She nods firmly and sniffs her tears back, as the news of him being safe sinks in. Of course, she knew by keeping an eye on Gemini witches that he was alive, but seeing him with her own eyes makes it more real.

He sees her eyes widen in horror when she looks down at his bloodied shirt. “You’re hurt,” she lets out in a breath.

“I’m healed. Vampire blood. I’m fine.” He kisses her forehead and rests his on it. Now he can breathe for real, he can think.

“Caroline’s with Jo.”

He nods, grateful that she would think of updating him on his twin before anything else. Andy pulls away just enough to look at Joshua. “The doctors are taking care of her, she’ll be fine.” The older man nods and she senses the weight of his stare on them, on the arms Kai is resting around her waist. Just like that, she becomes a traitor in his eyes. Not necessarily towards clans or covens, but towards Lucas. She steps away, trying to regain some credibility and to remain professional; he doesn’t know, and they won’t be going over that tonight.

            They all update one another at the same time, each of them filling in the blanks when someone’s knowledge is incomplete, each other reading new texts aloud as soon as they receive them, keeping the flow of information rolling. Standing a bit away but listening intently, Enzo is typing on his phone. He finally shows them his screen, presenting the group chat he created. “Just use this when you come up with vital information.” The others nod and Damon starts typing, letting their crew know that Enzo, Kai, Liv and Joshua, the last ones incoming, made it safe to hospital. They’re good. All survivors are here.

“They’re here.” A new voice gets their attention. A teenager strides to them, her long, black hair strained with blood, just as her pale blue dress; she is unmistakably theirs. Andy instantly sees her Gemini Light, while Kai and Joshua recognize Violet. Behind her, her mother follows, skeptical at the sight of Malachai, but reassured when spotting Joshua.

            Violet marches on Kai and wraps her arms around him. Her leader jerks back and freezes, not knowing what to do with his arms, and they all watch him pale at her unexpected touch, obviously uncomfortable with that. Hugging Andy and being affectionate with her is easy – she was the first one to really see him, and she’s Andy, how could he not want to hold her? As for Jo, she knew him from before, they grew up together; he was used to hugging her for a time. But this? Her? Some coven member he doesn’t know? How does he do this? Why would she even–

“Thanks for getting us out,” she says sincerely.

            Surprise overtakes her mother’s face, as well as Joshua’s. Kai is still holding his breath; they can see he is almost in pain or afraid of her touch. How can the very concept of hugging someone can be so viscerally foreign to him? If Jo had had more time to explain the whole story to her father before the wedding began, and not just hinting to it, he would understand that this apprehension for emotional display is the product of years of exclusion by the very group of people who should have provided all this unconditional affection for him.

Violet steps back and lifts her heels, kissing his cheek. “You’re my hero.” The young girl finally takes her mother’s hand and accepts to follow her to the waiting room: she’s on for the story of why-you-should-not-trust-Malachai-at-any-costs, but by the peek she takes over her shoulder, they know her gratitude goes beyond ancient history. Violet will be standing with her new leader from now on, no matter what.

 

**/*\**

 

Damon’s voice breaks the silence, “How the hell did they get out?”

I share a discreet glance with Enzo, reading his plea. Over time, I’ve realized he wasn’t exactly part of the friendly crew when I got back from 1903, though he’d tried to side with them multiple times, and time and again, they’d chosen themselves over him. The lonely vampire was in between two sides when tolerance and understanding started raining on Kai, and he sort of followed along, becoming part of the group as well as the witch. If they learn now that Lily freed them thanks to him, they’ll never forgive him.

“It’s not the problem right now,” I say. “We need to figure out what to do next.”

“Next we’re killing them,” Damon retorts in a murderous voice.

“They are way too powerful,” I object. “I’ve never faced witches this strong before. No offense,” I tell Kai. “Five of them was impossible. Add one more to the list–”

“Prison world, then,” Kai suggests, unconsciously shaking his head No as he utters the words.

“They know about Quetsiyah’s blood now,” Enzo counters. “They’ll be out again in no time.”

“We’re gonna need a bigger army, then.” Damon looks at me and I nod.

“I’ll call Alice in the morning. She’ll have to send us back-up; this goes beyond anything we’ve ever seen.” God, she’ll kill me for that. Not for the heretics, they’re not my fault; but she’s already pissed and she’s going to find out the truth in the middle of a crisis. That’s the worst way for her to hear my story.

“Can you sense the epic war incoming?” the vampire mutters.

            I turn to Kai and frown when seeing him pinch the bridge of his nose, shaking his head to himself. I reach to his arm.

“Hey.”  

“I should have seen them coming. I should have–” His chin shakes.

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened,” I say gently. “You couldn’t have known–”

“I could have,” he cuts me off, opening his tearful eyes and locking them on mine. “I should have. I’m the leader, I– this is _all_ my fault.” He covers his mouth with his hands and I can’t think of anything to say. I look around for help and meet Joshua’s eyes. Won’t he say something?

“He’s right,” the former leader tells me in a low, defeated voice.

“Don’t you start blaming him too,” I shout, angry tears filling my eyes. “He saved so many people tonight; how can you not see that?”

“I do,” Joshua snaps back. “But they shouldn’t have been there in the first place. He’s right; he should have felt them leave the prison world. He should have felt the headache, the spinning–”

“Wait,” Enzo frowns, “you did say the _worlds_ were spinning last night. We got back because of your headache…”

“And you did mention it this morning,” Damon mutters to himself, horrified. “We thought it was the alcohol…”

“One can’t really see the signs when drinking their mind away,” Joshua sternly says.

“Easy, Joshie,” Damon snaps. “It happened _once_. The heretics breaking out on the same night was one chance in a million. No one could have guessed.” He holds stare with Joshua, the both of them glaring, while Kai’s sobs next to me are turning into incontrollable breathing. He reaches a hand to his fast-rising chest and another to the nearest wall for support. Is he having a panic attack? All heads turn to him, Damon and Enzo ready to assist me as I help him to the closest trash bin.

            When he stops heaving, he wipes his mouth with his sleeve and moves a couple steps sideways, resting his forehead on the cool wall, his hands flat on it as well, eyes closed.

“It’s my fault.”

“It’s not,” I whisper, caressing his arm. “It’s their fault; _they_ did this.”

“Look at what happens when I let myself be happy,” he whispers, not really talking to me. “It’s not right,” he adds. “People will never stop dying around me.” More tears escape his eyes and my heart breaks. How can I be so powerless before his suffering, his despair?

“Andrea is right.” Joshua’s voice is grave behind me, low. “They are the only ones responsible for their actions–”

“You do not– _do not_ talk about responsibility,” Kai spits, whipping around to face him. His face is distorted with a mix of anger and pain, his eyes are full of tears again. Have they even looked each other in the eye tonight before this moment?

Joshua holds his hands in appeasement. “Kai–”

“You don’t talk to me.” Kai averts his face. “Don’t even look at me, just– just go see Jo.”

“I was only saying–”

“Just leave me alone! You know how to do that. Just go!” He turns his back on Joshua and resumes crying and I believe I’m not the only one who can see nothing else than a little boy with a broken heart.

As I take him in my arms, I can see the blow has landed on the father. I couldn’t tell how hard though. He takes a step towards us but Damon intervenes, blocking his way.

“That’s enough for now; let’s go see Jo. Leader’s orders.”

            Joshua stares at Kai for a moment, indecise, before complying. Damon peeks in our direction before sharing a nod with Enzo and following after Joshua. We stay like this for the longest time; Kai convulsively crying in my shoulder, me caressing his back and whispering in his ear that it’s not his fault and that he saved so many people tonight, and Enzo types on his phone, showing me his screen from time to time in order to let me know who is already doing better.

            This night has definitely deviated from the joyful gathering it was supposed to be and I can’t think of a worst souvenir for Rick and Jo, and for everyone else. But we’ll survive this, we have to. It will take time; we’ll mourn those we lost and it’ll be hard, but one day we’ll get better. I have to believe that.

I lose myself in thoughts, only keeping the certainty of his embrace to link me to the earth, and end up dozing off against him. Fatigue takes over me out of nowhere and my knees buckle.

“Whoa.” Kai catches me, stepping back to examine me. “Andy, you’re so pale.”

            I open my mouth to answer and move my jaw with a weak frown: it’s like it won’t obey me.

“It’s just the– the surplus…” My legs give in and my head falls.

“She’s fainting,” Enzo’s voice says, from far away. “Here, sit her down.”

“Andy, hey,” Kai calls gently. I open my eyes again, settling my blurry vision on them. I had never tapped so much in my supernatural surplus before, or maybe once or twice back in high school, just to test my limits. I know it’s not a stock I have at my disposal for free; it takes a toll and now that the adrenalin is gone and that everybody is more or less stable, I have to pay it. I’ll fall asleep soon and be dead to the world for at least eight hours.

“I need to– I’ll head back to get some sleep.”

“You’re not driving like this,” Kai tells me, and I want to argue but he’s right.

“I can take her home,” Enzo offers. “If you want.”

            They share a glance, and there is no mockery, no teasing in the vampire’s eyes. Kai nods and brushes my cheek.

“Can I join you later?” he asks me. I give him the weakest smile, trying to nod. I wish I could stay here with him, with them all, but I know I won’t be of any use in this state. It’s best if he takes care of his coven without me to slow him down. “Fantastic work here, officer,” he says in my ear. “You were perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who was relieved only when they all made it to the hospital? *raises hand*   
> At this point, I'm just happy they're all okay.   
> Apart from that, Liv is having quite a hard time hating Kai now that he's tapped on the spell deleting him from her memory. She can remember she used to love him and she doesn't know what to do with that. (Well, she's obviously NOT HAPPY with it XD)  
> I do like seeing Kai, Enzo and Damon being the ultimate trio though <3  
> Any thoughts?


	64. Chapter 64

Sixty-four

 

I open my eyes. My room is just as usual and the sun is already up, but apart from that, there is nothing different. Then why do I have the feeling that something is, though? I slightly frown. Maybe it is the sun. Well, I should have known I wouldn’t be up to train before dawn, not after dancing all night at– Oh God. No. I jerk up as last night’s events come back to me.

My shoes are carefully aligned on the floor but I’m still wearing my devastated dress. My skin is now perfectly smooth, healed all of the cuts and bruises from last night, but still stained with dried blood. My phone is dead, of course, and I plug it before getting up. I don’t feel especially rested nor tired, nor sore. I check the group chat for anything urgent and read they’re meeting at the Salvatores’ this afternoon to discuss the next operation. I text them I’ll be joining before calling Alice. She tried to call me so many times after our last conversation, I feel like a jerk to only call her back when I need a favor. As she doesn’t answer, I sigh impatiently and text her – _Sorry for not calling back; major problem at the wedding. Six evil witch-vampire hybrids on the loose. I need backup ASAP._

After a blessed shower, I run into my suitemates in the living room. I blankly follow them in the kitchen, watching them prepare breakfast and already talking like nothing has happened. How can they live like this? How can they be so oblivious to everything that keeps happening around them? For a moment here, I am terribly jealous of their simpler, ordinary life. It doesn’t mean they don’t have their share of concern and stressful events, but it’s different from going to a wedding that can mean your death.

“Hey, who was the guy who drove you back last night?”

            I stare at Jess, completely blanking on that. I shrug and Tina says his name was Enzo. They both comment on how charming and correct he was, carrying me to my bed and taking off only my shoes under their intent watch. I realize they haven’t said anything about my dress, about all this blood, and I understand the vampire compelled them, which somehow doesn’t sit well with me: I wish they would stay as far away from the supernatural world as possible.

“So, is Enzo the new love interest in your life?” I look up. Jess playfully lifts her eyebrows while Tina drinks her tea, still focused on me. “Cause, you know, I liked Kai. He made killer lasagna and knew the lyrics to all Taylor Swift songs.”

“Uh– no. Enzo’s a friend.”

“Hm,” Jess utters. “Is he single?” I can’t help a smile as I snort. Typical Jess.

“In case he’s not into party-queens,” Tina adds, “I’m interested. Don’t look at me like that; he’s got this bad boy vibe going on, and I’m super into that.” We chuckle and it feels right, to simply be here with them, talking about guys. It’s a real breath of fresh air. Soon I’ll have to dive back into the horrors of last night, but this here, this peaceful moment where no one’s life is at stake, is probably what will keep me going today. I need to recharge.

When my phone buzzes, I frown, because Rick’s text is solely for me – _Need you at the hospital_.

 

*****

 

When I enter the second floor, Rick is already waiting for me.

‘Hey, what’s up?” I ask gently. His serious face really concerns me. He takes my arm and leads me away a bit too abruptly. Did he get any sleep? Guilt surges.

“I need– _We_ need you. We need you to find our babies.” My eyes widen at that. What the hell is he talking about? “After you left, the doctors came to see us; they said Jo was fine, and– she is, she’s already up; vampire blood fixed her up in half an hour when she woke up, but they didn’t– they did an ultrasound to see whether the babies were okay but… the twins are gone.”

“Hold on… what do you mean, ‘they’re gone’?” I don’t dare ask the dreadful question and Alaric understands it.

“They disappeared,” he tells me. “They’re just not there. There was this Gemini witch with us, um– Celeste. She said it was the emergency protocol: when they are under attack, a covenwide attack, and they’re all likely to die and a Gemini woman is pregnant, their duty to the coven becomes the next generation’s safety. They enacted this spell that basically transferred our babies from Jo’s womb to another woman’s. Now we need to find her.”

            I am speechless. How is this even possible? How can you just take babies from someone’s womb and stick them into someone else’s? I can’t begin to imagine how Jo must feel right now. Her babies aren’t dead, but she literally _lost_ them. I don’t really have time to wrap my mind around this, Rick needs me to act; now. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to help them.

“And you’re saying Gemini don’t _know_ where the twins are, where they went?”

“The spell doesn’t just hide the next generation somewhere safe, Andy. It also cloaks them, so that they can’t be located. Kai is leader, so he should be able to break through it when he is rested but he’s still out with the others, making sure members of the coven are settled.” I nod and his eyes fill with tears. “I just– We can’t wait, Andy. Jo can’t wait. Our babies are out there somewhere, and we have no idea–”

“I’ll help you,” I assure him, pressing his arm. “Of course, I’ll help you. How about you take me to see Jo?”

            When I enter her room, I can see Jo’s back as she is busying herself over her hospital bed, making it tight and sorting her things away. When she turns around and sees me, her face crumbles and she gives me a long, desperate hug.

“Thank you for coming,” she says in my hear. She is that close to crying, but she won’t; she is strong, and she won’t allow herself to completely break, not before she knows where her babies are.

“Rick told me what’s going on.”

“Good. I thought of you because you can see Gemini Lights. You’ll be able to see them, right? Just like you’d see their Lights when they were–” She stops and holds a hand to her belly. It’s still slightly prominent, as if she were still carrying her children, but it’s empty.

“Rick talked about a cloaking spell,” I say cautiously. “Can you tell me more about how it works?”

“Uh– you know this one already. It’s the _Invisique_ ; kind of our signature spell.”

            I try to keep a neutral face as I nod. I was fearing that. Unfortunately, I can’t see a witch Light through _Invisique_ , I can only sense the void created by the absence, like a subtle change of light that would allow a mirage. It’s not easy to spot.

“Okay, the spell supposedly hid your babies in someone that was geographically close, someone who was at the wedding, who is alive, and – I’m gonna assume – someone who is a woman. I’m gonna go see everybody who was there and we’re gonna find them. Okay?”

            Jo nods repeatedly, holding my hands in hers. Alaric rubs her arms for comfort but she barely notices him: her entire attention is dedicated to her missing children.

We spend the next hour visiting patients on our floor, and though I focus more on looking at female bellies for anything suspicious, we take time to check in with everybody. Jo doesn’t really react when people talk to her, ask her questions and look up to her for reassurance, because she’s so obsessed with finding her twins that the rest of the world fades away, and that is why I jump in. First, because I have relevant information to share regarding what happened, who is doing what and what are the next operations, but also because I grew up as a leader’s daughter too, and I know how to be _with_ the clan – or in this case, the coven – while the leader is out there, leadering about.

            Most of them don’t know me, and I’m certainly not enough of a fool to introduce myself as a friendly witch hunter. I’ll just let them know that I am part of the Mystic Falls’ supernatural community, from Rick’s side of the family, and that I’m working with their leader – that one is always a little tricky, especially when I talk to adults who knew him eighteen years ago – and I precise that he is working together with Joshua on this. I don’t know to what extent this is true, but the mention of their former leader, someone they know, someone they trust, is always a good way to reassure them.

            As morning goes by, Jo tenses up next to me and I text both Liv and Kai that I’m gonna have to see all women who survived the wedding. It is only around noon that Elena joins us; she gives Rick fresh clothes and points him to the floor’s staff-showers, and hands me a copy of the MIAs she drew last night. I stare rather insistently at her stomach before sighing; nothing. I examine the list, crossing people’s names that I’ve already ‘examined’ and counting the number of women I have left. I’ll find them.

“Let’s take a break.” We turn around to watch Caroline enter Jo’s room, her hands filled with bags of food.

“Caroline–” Rick begins.

“Seriously,” she cuts him off gently. “I know we’re still on a crisis, but we all need to take a minute to recharge and feed, otherwise we won’t make it in the long run. Now, sit down.”

            She hands us sandwiches and bottles of water, and opens another cooler in which she stored blood bags for herself, while telling us about how she enlisted pretty much everybody to help her organize the funerals as soon as possible. Six humans, four coven members. Matt and Tyler took care to let the humans’ families know about that fire that happened at the wedding. They offered their help for those funerals as well, but I know our priority is the Gemini’s. Apparently, Joshua said he didn’t want to keep the coven in the area and wanted to send them home as soon as possible, to which Kai agreed. They know everybody will want to stay until they can bury their loved ones, so one of the most urgent tasks is to plan for that.

            Elena nods, while Rick and Jo don’t listen, dazed and lost in thoughts. Sadness clutches my heart at the sight of them. I can’t believe I was nearly crying of happiness for them only yesterday, on their big day, when everything was still perfect; we were all there to celebrate their love and they had two healthy children to cherish, and now it’s all gone. In the spin of a few hours, their wedding has turned into a nightmare and their babies went missing. I can’t begin to imagine their despair.

            My eyes land on Caroline and I find myself staring blankly for a moment, until I realize–

“Caroline,” I say, getting up. Heads whip to me at my tone, but I can’t look away from her, from her stomach and from the superficial absence of Light. A camouflage.

“What?” the blond-haired vampire asks, already concerned with the way I stare at her.

“I think you need an ultrasound.”

 

*****

 

            The door opens on Enzo, who holds it for me on his way out.

“Hey.” I stop him by gently taking his sleeve. He looks down at it, then up at me.

“Hey,” he repeats, rather impatiently.

“Well, first of all, thank you for driving me back last night.” He shrugs. “How are you?”

“What do you want me to say?” he asks, eyes locking on mine, and I recognize the way Kai refuses to show any vulnerability sometimes.

“The truth?” I offer gently. He opens his mouth, closes it, then looks back at the Salvatore house. It’s certainly not the right place to talk about it. “How about we catch up later?”

“Sure.” His fake smile doesn’t fool me. I hold on to his sleeve.

“You call me if you need to.” I don’t let go until his eyes meet mine and I know for sure he understood. He nods and leaves quickly. I then walk up to the living room, where Damon and Bonnie are talking. “What are we looking at?” I ask, glancing at the map.

“The area around town,” Damon tells me. “They are gathered in this house for now. We’re waiting for a couple more people to decide what we’re going to do next.”

“ _Damon_ ,” Bonnie adds, “is very much in favor of a mass murder.”

“Quick and dirty,” the vampire smirks.

“Well, unless we find a way to block their magic and make them mere vampires, there’s no killing everybody in once.” Damon gives me a look. “Who else are we expecting this afternoon?”

“Caroline is still on group-funeral planning with a team. Liv and her dad are on their way, and Rick just told me he and Jo are joining as well. I’m not sure what has been going on with them this morning, he sounded weird.”

“Uh– you’ll know soon enough. Just don’t press them with questions, it’s hard enough.”

“Wait,” Bonnie says, “are the babies…?”

“They’re fine; they’re both fine. Not necessarily…where we would expect them to be, but they’re healthy, so let’s just settle for that.” They both share a skeptical glance but don’t add anything. “Have you guys seen Kai? I haven’t been able to get a hold of him yet.”

“Yeah, he’s upstairs in his old room,” Damon tells me.

“Let us know when we’re ready to begin.” He nods and I head upstairs.

            I knock and wait for his voice through the door.

“Come in.” I step into the room and close the door behind me, resting my back on it. I watch him cover his bare back with a shirt, his hair still wet from the shower he just took. When he turns around, his tired face manages a smile and he stretches a hand for me to take.

“You didn’t come to my suite,” I say gently, wrapping my arms around his neck as his hands settle on my waist.

“There was too much to do,” he sighs. “I only got here this morning and I just woke up.”

“Did you get enough sleep?”

“It’ll have to do. What about you?”

“All restored and ready to go. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and help last night.”

“You did more than your share,” he assures me, softly brushing my cheek with his lips. I close my eyes and focus on how peaceful it feels to be standing in his arms, away from our madding lives, just for a moment of tranquility. I realize this is as important as sleep, shower and food for me to recharge. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, the intimacy of this gesture always makes my heart sing. “Thank you for protecting them.”

            I feel like there is more to it, something he won’t say, but there is no point in rushing him. We stand like this for a while, simply listening to each other breathe, our hearts beating, quiet and harmonious. I kiss his shoulder first, then his neck, his jaw. It’s not out of lust, it’s more of a way to comfort us both. He starts kissing my skin as well, his hands tenderly wandering on my body, caressing and soothing, and I’m the one who reaches for his mouth, capturing it for a long, deep kiss that almost hurts. I can’t wait anymore, I need him to love me, to love my body and to kiss the wounds away. Let the horrors of last night disappear with our sighs, our moans, let me dissolve under your touch.

            He ends our kiss, resting his forehead on mine, and I can almost hear his plea for me to stop. We can’t go back to that. I can’t.

“Don’t fight it,” I whisper. He brushes my cheek with his thumb, seeing something I can’t see.

“I’m tired of fighting it.”

            I smile, a weight leaving my chest; he won’t push me away. He resumes kissing me, slowly, thoroughly, and I lift to the tip of my toes, wrapping my arms around him and conveying in our kiss all the love and tenderness I have for him. We make out for a long while, lost, invincible and immortals, our hands lazily wandering on each other, until we shift to a more urgent, famished pace. The fire he’s kept burning inside me is waking up, and I’m gonna let it consume me entirely.

            Kai steps forward, until my back hits the wall and I can feel his strong body pressing against mine. I unbutton his shirt, so grateful that he won’t stop me. The sight of his bare chest, of his nicely-shaped muscles, sets me ablaze, projecting me back to ‘94 and our day at the swimming pool. I caress his tanned skin, relishing how his heart races under my hand, how his breath is uneven and how his pupils dilate with desire. The witch gives me another kiss before discarding my top. And even then, the emotion I see in his eyes when they land on me fills my heart with joy.

            He grazes my skin with his fingers, down my neck, my collarbone, the curve of my breasts on the edge of my bra. He bends down and kisses me right there, trailing fire wherever his lips touch. He then eyes the ring sitting right below my collarbone and takes it, setting it on the nearest nightstand. “We don’t need them right now,” he whispers. I grin at that and pull him in by his neck for another kiss. I love how our skins touch and heat up, how my breasts crash against his powerful chest, how his hands wander everywhere on my bare back and in my hair, caressing, loving. I reach for his jeans, unbuckling his belt and he bites my lip, impatient. The mere sound of him zipping my pants open drives me crazy. I don’t even hear the knock on the door.

“Hey, we’re ready to–” Elena freezes at the sight of us, more than seriously making out against the wall. She shuts her eyes, embarrassed. Kai simply motions his wrist and she magically steps out of the room, the door slamming closed after her.

“Brilliant,” I whisper.

“Thanks.” He bends down to kiss me again, resuming our lascivious dance, the interruption already forgotten, but another knock on the door stop us. “Bye, Elena,” Kai impatiently calls.

“Look, I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re all downstairs. We need you both for this.”

            My witch closes his eyes, exhaling in regret, and I let my head wearily fall back against the wall. Right. Heretics on the loose. Life and death kind of things. Is it that bad that for a moment here, I actually didn’t care and still wanted to finish what we started?

“Just– give us a minute, we’ll be right here.”

We hear her footstep in the corridor and sigh. “I’m sorry.” Kai still holds me close, regret clouding his blue-gray eyes. “I would have gone through with it, you know.” My stomach wrings at that, as I remember his words at the hospital about letting himself be happy.

“I know.” I caress his cheek and he kisses my palm. “But you think this would have been a mistake, don’t you?”

            He closes his eyes; a silent confession. He wants this, he wants me, and he would have done it to make me stay with him, but he truly believes he doesn’t deserve it. _‘You deserve better.’_

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, searching my eyes for forgiveness.

“I know you are.” I hate that the smile I give him is so sad. “I just wish you would stop punishing yourself.” Cause that’s what he’s been doing, isn’t it? He’s been keeping me just out of his reach, not to hurt me but to hurt himself. A gnawing concern finds its path to me, rendering me mute. We’re gonna have to address this issue calmly very soon, because if we don’t and he keeps thinking like that, he’ll end up harming himself more than he already has. How did I not see that sooner? “I know you don’t look forward to it, but we’re gonna talk about this.” He immediately tenses at this promise, pulling away and fleeing my scrutiny. “Don’t run away,” I simply say. “We’re not talking about it now. But we will.”

            Kai lowers his eyes and I press a final kiss to his heart, sealing my promise, before leaving his embrace. I grab the ring from the nightstand and we dress up without a word; when we head out, you couldn’t tell we were in the midst of a passionate embrace moments ago.

“… but I don’t think moving the babies now would be beneficial for them.” Joshua’s low voice is the first thing I hear when entering the living room. Kai tenses next to me, but he doesn’t let his face show it, and we keep going. His father is facing Rick and Jo, both looking like they could use a couple days of sleep. And a miracle.

            After we discovered that the babies were indeed in Caroline’s womb, they wanted to come here and ask for magical assistance in order to get them back. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be that simple. I come to stand near Jo, reaching for her shoulder. “You okay?”

            She nods quickly, blinking back tears. Liv is talking with Damon, and Bonnie stands near them, watching Kai. She’s still uncomfortable around him, and she can’t be blamed for that.

“So, what do we have?” he asks Damon.

“I just heard from Caroline,” the vampire tells us all. “She did a bit of compelling and the funerals are good to go for tomorrow afternoon.”

“Apart from that, all humans who were present at the wedding, or even involved, got compelled,” Elena adds. We turn around to see Stefan coming in and he nods to us.

“The official story is that a fire accidentally spread because of a candle,” he tells us. “People panicked and got hurt when trying to escape.”

            I raise a brow. “People believe that?”

“Everybody has been compelled to say so and the place did burn to the ground,” he tells me with a shrug. “The story checks.”

“Okay, so one good thing we don’t need to worry about,” Damon says. “Now, our most burning topic if you please – no pun intended –, what do we do with those heretics?”

“They need to be imprisoned as soon as possible,” Joshua intervenes. Kai’s face blenches, but he doesn’t say anything. “We need to figure out how they got out of the prison world and send them back–”

“We can’t send them back,” I interrupt. “The ingredient they need to breakout again is still over there; they’ll be back before we know it.”

“So, back to my most brilliant, obvious first idea,” Damon smirks darkly. “We end them.”

“And how do you suggest we do that, Damon?” I ask.

“Aren’t you supposed to know how to kick witches’ asses?”

“A, these are upgraded witches; B, there are six of them. There’s nothing much I can do on my own–”

“What about your clan?” Stefan asks. “I’m sure they wouldn’t see it as interfering since heretics are basically witches turned into vampires. They’re still witches; they’re yours to deal with, right?”

“Maybe. That would be up to the elders to decide and I’m not sure they’d be much in favor of lending a hand to anyone. But I still haven’t heard from the clan yet, so I don’t think we should count on them right away.”

“I suggest we blow them up.” Bonnie rolls her eyes at Damon’s words and Liv faces him above the map, raising her brow.

“That’s your big plan?”

“Look, they’re all at the same place, they’re all in that house, we could just–”

“What about Lily?” Stefan asks. I look at his brother too, waiting for his answer. Enzo would be devastated if anything were to happen to her. Damon deeply exhales.

“I guess we don’t _have_ to blow her up as well,” he winces.

“I’ll get her out of the house then,” Stefan decides.

“So we’re really gonna blow them up?” I ask.

“Do you have a better idea?”

“No, I just think it’s a little rash… What if we miss and they’re even more pissed?”

“We could hardly miss.”

“Says you.” The vampire gives me a weary glance, about to retort something, but another voice raises behind me, “So it is true. You’re taking part.” Air leaves my lungs and my heart starts racing in my chest as I slowly turn around, taking in the dark-haired woman, dressed in her black combat leathers, standing at the entrance of the living room. On her stern, impassive face, I can see cracks of disbelief, but you need to know where to look to find them. I take in the way she eyes me, then everybody else in the room, the way her fist clutches her knife, ready to act, and only a whisper leaves my mouth, “Alice?”


	65. Chapter 65

Sixty-five

 

            Tension immediately overwhelms the room as all eyes land on her, watching her, assessing her strengths. She doesn’t look lethal by any means, just a woman looking cold and determined in her fighting outfit; nothing to worry about. And yet, they all feel their pulses speed; an instinctive reaction before the predator.  

“Wait,” Damon says, “ _the_ Alice?” Her eyes flicker to him before coming back to me. I know exactly what she is thinking: Damon knows about her. A vampire.

She takes in the way they all tense at the sight of her, distrustful, defensive, and she knows they know. About her, about the Lightbringers. The wrong word, a gesture too sharp and she’ll kill them all. It’ll be over in about four seconds. Possibly five if I’m quick enough to stand in her way.

“Alice,” I say slowly, carefully holding my hands where she can see them, “I can explain.”

“Can you?” Her voice is even, polite, and I get a sense of the anger beneath the cool surface. We stare for a moment, gauging each other, what we are capable of and what we are about to do.

“We’re all working together here,” I peacefully state. “None of them is the threat.”

“Then who is the threat, I wonder.” Again this cold, toneless voice in which I can hear the word. Traitor.

Her eyes slide past my shoulder, landing on Kai, then moving to Liv and to Jo. She’s comparing the witches’ Lights, trying to figure out which one is the alleged leader and who is the real one.  Kai also sees her watch his sisters, and this doesn’t sit well with him. “Rick, how about you take my sisters outside?”

            The three of them give me an inquiring look and I nod.

“Go wait outside.” They eye Alice, who is standing right between them and the only way out, and they don’t move. “She won’t hurt a human and two innocent witches. Go wait outside.”

            Jo slowly holds her hands up and Liv imitates her. They leave, Alaric trailing behind them, and Alice watches them the whole time while keeping an eye on us as well. Her posture, so imposing and so still, makes her appear so threatening to them all. And even more to me.

“Elena,” Damon calmly calls, “I think you should step out as well.”

“No,” she objects, “I’m staying with you.”

“You’re human,” he points out.

“We’re vampires, Elena,” Stefan reminds her before she can add anything. “Alice can’t touch a hair of our heads first.” Well, in theory. The secret of our existence prevails though, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t hesitate if it came to ending them all in order to protect our clan. Alice’s look hardens at his words, at all this clan knowledge he unfolds. Traitor.

She doesn’t stop on me though, her eyes land back on Kai and I can almost hear the thoughts inside her head.

“Your sisters,” she repeats, locking eyes with him. “Which makes you, Malachai Parker.”

“Yeah,” he lets out in a breath.

            A heartbeat of silence. A sense of déjà-vu. Alice’s utter immobilism, until her Lights twitch in her eye. I lunge full speed, my surplus already racing in my veins, and when I stop before Kai’s chest, a sharp pain pierces right through my shoulder as her blade hits me full force. I stumble back against Kai and darkness fills my eyes, streaked with a lightning that pulses with the pain. The blade is buried deep in my bone, and bile fills my mouth. I’m not sure I’ll have time to throw up before I faint.

“What are you doing?” she asks, her voice so low no one hears her. Her eyes are wide with surprise and horror at the sight of me, hurt by her hand and nearly fainting in Kai’s arms. My witch holds me with utter care, lowers me to the ground, and I let out a agonizing scream as he magically motions the blade out. My every senses are a blur of pain, there is only the wound and my Light, working on healing me slowly, and Kai’s voice chanting a healing spell near my ear. My head weakly falls back on his chest and my eyes land on Alice.

“Leader,” I breathe out. I’m not sure she can hear me but I need her to know, to understand she can’t kill him, not without killing so many more witches, not without hurting me in the worst way possible.

Kai’s healing spell doesn’t speed up the process since I’m immune to internal magic, but at least he feels useful. Still healing, I cautiously rise to my feet, Elena and Kai both helping me stand.

“What was that?” he barks at my sister, and before I turn around to hold him back weakly, I can see her ground her feet on the floor, readying for a fight.

“Don’t,” I stop him. “She wasn’t trying to hurt me, okay? She was aiming at you.”

“Which is why she’s not already dead.”

“Just– don’t fight her. Please.” I turn to Alice. “I know you’re mad and you hate me, but you _cannot_ hurt him.”

“Watch me.”

            Joshua steps forward and holds his hands out in peace, frowning like a disapproving father before a tantrum, which might be the worst way possible to try to handle her.

“Come now, Alice. You sister is telling the truth; Kai is our coven leader now, you cannot kill him without decimating us all.” Alice watches him haughtily, probably feeling betrayed by him too, and certainly not liking his condescendence.

“If you don’t believe us,” Stefan intervenes, “I think Jared will be happy to confirm.”  

“How about you guys let me do the talking now?” I request, before turning to her. That they all know more than her, that they all know how our clan works only makes it worse. I need to make her see, just like I made Jared see, and I need to do it fast. “I didn’t mean to lie to you. I needed time after Luke died, but I didn’t–”

“I don’t want to hear it,” she cuts me off sharply. Her chest is rising a bit faster now, which is a big hint that her anger is now boiling close.

“If you just let me explain–”

“I think I’ve heard enough.” Again, this cold, distant voice that breaks my heart. I should never have kept it all from her, no matter the risks for me. She looks at me now, and from the sternness in her eyes, I can tell her heart is just as broken. By me; her little sister, her second lieutenant, one of her most trusted clan members. I went behind her back, I told our secrets, and I protect one she sees as the greatest of evils. I couldn’t be closer to the definition of a traitor.

            We stand like this for an eternity, all of us awfully aware that she is assessing me, pondering, and I just wish she would have all the information and not just confusing pieces. When she clenches her jaw, lifting her chin with determination, a cold sweat rushes down my spine.  

“Alice…” I begin, goose bumps spreading on my skin at the sight of her arm raising before her, palm up.

“Andrea Moreau–” she says formally.

“Wait!”

“…I call your Light back.” My body stops mid-step, frozen against my will by her words. “You are hereby deposed of your title of second lieutenant of the clan. Your abilities and privileges as a Lightbringer are revoked.” I gasp, reaching a hand to my chest as a sharp burn builds up and rises in my lungs, rendering my breathing shallow, almost impossible. It’s the exact same feeling as when I went over the town border, back when the Traveler’s spell was still active, and the magic was being stripped from me. I gasp again, trying to get air in while the burn keeps rising through my throat, tearing everything apart on its way out. It’s like I forget how to breathe, all there is is this flame, this burning weight fighting to break free, to escape far away from me.

            I always hated to watch The Little Mermaid when I was younger, because I thought the moment when Ariel bargains her voice away was terribly close to the stories I’d heard of Lights being revoked. This image sticks with me to this day, as pain invades my mouth too, burning everything in its trail. My pleading eyes land on Alice’s stern face, and it’s all I can focus on as my Light leaves me to go settle on her forearm, not far from my dad’s.

 

**/*\**

 

            Andy’s knees buckle and she falls to the floor, still struggling with her breathing. Alice watches her, taking in the pain of the sight of her, feeling deeply how she longs to kneel down next to her and help her, adding this to the fresh wound of her betrayal. Andy’s eyes lift to her sister, pleading, and the leader doesn’t twitch, appearing heartless to everybody else.

“Alice…,” she gasps with difficulty. “…I can’t breathe.”

“You’ll learn to breathe without your Light.” Sharp, implacable, just like the price for Andy’s lies. It took their father a week before he could breathe properly without his Light, an entire month before he could run again normally. And he relinquished it freely.

The newest Gemini leader is already kneeling next to her, holding her against him, and Alice studies his horrified face, repressing a shiver of fear at the sight of him so close to Andy.

“No, no, no, no, what’s happening?”

            This environment doesn’t sit well with Alice; too much variables that don’t depend on her, especially now that she’s neutralized Andy; the sooner they leave this place, the better. As she heads to her sister, reaching a hand to her, the witch holds on to Andy, magically motioning Alice’s dropped knife right before her face. “DON’T YOU TOUCH HER!” he yells at her.

            The look Alice gives him couldn’t be deadlier. No one shall prevent her from getting her sister out of here. Andy’s head falls back on Kai’s shoulder and she turns a pleading face to him, “Don’t hurt her…,” she manages to breathe out. “…My sister.”

            Kai clenches his jaw, hating this, but lets the knife drop to the floor. He clutches Andy tighter nonetheless, giving Alice a venomous glance.

“You don’t come anywhere near her.” The Lightbringer’s eyes land on Kai’s thumb, on the way it brushes Andy’s cheek, then on the way he holds her. When she looks back at him, she sees him rise, still holding her in his arms. “Someone go get Jo,” he orders, and Elena immediately leaves the room.

            The witch carefully lies Andy down on a sofa, obviously concerned with her health. Alice is at a loss, she doesn’t understand this apparent panic of his; it doesn’t make sense.

“I think it’s best if you leave now.” Damon is now standing before her, looking as dangerous as he can be.

“I am leaving,” she confirms calmly, unafraid. “And I’m taking Andy with me.”

“Over my dead body,” Kai lets out.

“Gladly.”

“We’re not letting her out with you,” Damon winces as if it were obvious.

“I don’t need your permission.” The door opens and closes behind them, and Jo goes straight to Andy, followed by Elena, while Rick and Liv remain near Bonnie, who still hasn’t said a word, ready to chant. Jo examines Andy quickly and sends Elena to get medical supplies.

“Look,” Stefan steps in peacefully, “I know you don’t know us, but Andy is our friend. With what you just pulled, there’s no way we’re letting you come near her.”

            Alice cocks her head, taking him in, assessing the scene. Given the current situation, it would take her at least seven seconds to kill them all. The vampires can see in her eyes that she is willing to massacre them to get what she wants. They never felt so afraid of Andy, even when they didn’t know anything about her except that she was crazy powerful. Back when they weren’t friends, she had this impassive and unbothered attitude as well, but it never felt like she would just decide to kill them all on a whim.

Alice’s calm while facing a bunch of powerful witches and strong vampires unsettles them, especially when seeing Andy’s caution when talking to her. She could take them all out in a matter of seconds, which wouldn’t prevent her from sleeping like a baby afterwards.

“Alice,” Joshua calls, drawing her attention on him. Stern leader staring at stern former leader. A true match for each other. “Andrea is safe with us. I suggest you leave for now. You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”

“I don’t know that,” she counters, the closest they’ll see her to losing it.

“Look, we’re not letting her out with you,” Damon says. “So I suggest you leave my house. Now.” She stares at him, just long enough to make him uncomfortable, before allowing the shadow of a cold smile on her lips.

“I don’t think you understand in what position you’re in. I don’t care who I have to butcher; I’m not leaving without her.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with her,” they hear Jo’s voice. “She can’t catch her breath.”

            Alice takes a step toward the sofa but Damon won’t let her. Her attention is split between the annoying vampire, whose heart she is about to pull out, and the maleficent witch hovering above her sister, panic written all over his face. She needs to get her back.

“Someone get me Jared over the phone!” Kai commands, and her stomach twists with apprehension. Not him too. She watches Damon take out his phone with self-importance and dial the number.

“Hey, Jared, how’s it going, buddy? So… I’m in a bit of an emergency, as in… your wife is here and wants to kill us all. She’s lovely by the way, maybe a little–”

“Ask him about Andy,” Kai snaps.

“Right, so, Hunter Queen here just ripped Andy’s Light out of her throat and now Andy can’t breathe, what do we do?” He listens carefully before turning to Kai. “There’s nothing for us to do. He says lots of Lightbringers live without their Light; even Andy’s dad–”

“Andy’s dad gave his Light willingly,” Kai counters. Alice listens intently, absorbing all the information they have on the clan.

“Well, Jar says it’s gonna be a bit longer but her breathing’s gonna settle. She needs to calm down. It’d be even better if we can sedate her, let her body get used to it.” Kai and Jo share a glance and the latter nods, searching in the medical bag Elena handed her. They all watch her load the syringe with a transparent liquid and inject Andy the sedative. It’s only when her eyes close and the lines of her face smooth, that Kai stands up and marches on Damon, snatching the phone from his hand.

“It’s me. Remember this favor you owe me? This is it,” he tells Jared, glaring at Alice. “You get her to _back off_ because I swear, no matter whose wife she is and whose sister she is, if she touches a hair on her head, I’ll kill her. _Do_ _you_ understand?” He waits for Jared’s answer, jaw clenched, and then tosses the phone for Alice to catch. “First lieutenant wants to chat. Feel free to take it outside.”

            Alice glares at him as he walks back to the sofa. She puts the phone to her ear and listens to Jared’s carefully chosen words. Her anger doesn’t cool down, neither does her determination, but right now she needs to be alone to think. More than Jared’s words, it’s the sight of them all, ready to stand up to her in order to protect Andy that makes up her mind. She’ll be back for her sister, but in the meantime, she needs to calm down.

 

*****

 

“She took your Light? Dude, that’s harsh.”

            Luke grabs a handful of popcorn and leans back on the couch. I only nod, wincing bitterly.

“I shouldn’t have lied to her.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” my mom confirms. She rubs my back for comfort and I lean in her arms, thinking. My eyes land on the brownie squares piled up on the plate. I don’t know why, but every time Kai sends me through the ring to talk to them, the empty house we first saw appears more furnished and real somehow, though there still is this reddish, glowing light pouring in from the windows, reminding me this is not the real world. I am spending time with the dead.

“Hey, at least we get to spend time with you,” Luke tries. “It’s not all bad.”

            I nod again. I know my body needs to adjust, especially my breathing. It’s like I’m missing a lung and I can’t take enough air in, which makes me panic and hyperventilate. That’s why we sedate a retiring Lightbringer when they relinquish their Light; that way, it doesn’t have to be painful and their body finds its own new rhythm without them freaking out. I’m just glad Kai had the idea to send me here in the meantime.

“It’s all so peaceful here,” I whisper. “I wish I didn’t have to go back.”

“Dee, if you don’t go back, it means you’re dead,” Luke tells me. “Trust me, you wanna go back.”

            I nudge him and he gives me a playful wink. I wish I didn’t have to leave them here.

“It won’t be long now,” my mom says. “You’ve been here for a while.”

“Kai will keep me here as long as he can.”

            Her smile grows and my heart races. I wish she could meet him; actually meet him. I wish I could invite him over to my parents’ house for a weekend and they would all get to know each other. And she would be here with us.

“He will, won’t he? Looks like someone is properly smitten,” she comments. Luke snorts.

“He’s not the only one.” I toss a cushion at him and he laughs. “Just saying, it had to be him, of all people. Though I _do_ remember you saying you were not changing your mind or whatever because he’s cute.”

“You’re lucky you’re already dead, you know,” I retort, faking a threatening stare.

“Low.” He chews on his lip for a moment. “Seriously though, do you want me to talk to Alice?”

            I arch up a brow.

“If I couldn’t get her to listen to me, I’m not sure she’ll want to see you.”

“Your sister is not all bad,” my mom frowns.

“Have you met her?” I scoff. “She’s become way more stern than dad since she’s leader. There’s no arguing with her on how to handle things; there’s her way to do it, which is basically the elders’ antique way to do it, and that’s it.”

“Is that why you didn’t even try to tell her?”

“I– I pictured myself telling her a couple hundred times,” I admit. “But I _know_ her, no matter how I would present things, she’ll scorn me for what she thinks is a mistake.”

“Don’t you think it was a mistake?”

“Dad made his own alliance with the Gemini. And you supported him.”

“Your dad was leader.”

“You sound like Luke’s dad now.”

            She smiles at me. “Josh is far from perfect,” she admits, “but he was leader too.”

“Yeah, so rules and policies change with them and we’re just supposed to follow,” I grit.

“Basically,” Luke nods.

“Do you regret it?” My mom asks after a while.

“Do I regret what?”

“You tell me.” I frown, thinking her words over.

“I regret not telling Alice the truth sooner. I regret not flying home with Jared to explain and then let Kai simply make it a condition that I monitored him. I was afraid she wouldn’t get it; that she’d punish me and make me stay, and I wouldn’t be able to go back…” I trail off, a lump forming in my throat. “I regret how I handled things with her, but I don’t regret making an alliance with Luke. I don’t regret saving you from oblivion and I don’t regret my current alliance. It’s not just Kai, it’s all of them. They’re my friends, we’re a team, almost a family somehow. I don’t regret joining the supernatural scenery to help them, because we’ve been doing good. We’ve been fighting the bad guys and I like siding with them. Even Jared understands that.”

“Then I think this is exactly what you should tell her.”

 

*****

 

            I stare at the ceiling, not remembering when I opened my eyes. I’m lying on a bed, alone in a room at the Salvatores’. I focus on my difficult breathing, drawing air in, then pushing it out, then in again, then out. I can’t help but think of when my dad retired, of how I used to listen to his breathing for hours when he was asleep. A habit I never really let go of. It got better in a couple days, and after a few weeks of reeducation, he could walk and run about like anyone, and you couldn’t tell he’d been down. Such a strong man.

            I inhale and manage to sit up. Air tears my chest and throat in flames at the effort and I wince.

“Hey,” Kai’s voice gently calls as he enters the room. He kneels down before me and watches me, concern written all over his face. “You shouldn’t be sitting. Lie down.”

“It’s fine,” I breathe out. My voice is raw. “This room just needs to stop spinning.”

“Jar said you should be resting.” I smile weakly, always so happy to hear him call him that. He brushes my knee for a moment, silent, the both of us waiting for me to be too exhausted to be seated. I watch him and, though I clench my jaw to prevent it, tears fill my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t see your Light anymore.” He presses a long kiss to my knee, his eyes full of regret. This realization instantly brings me back to when I saw Luke’s lifeless body at the hospital and how I couldn’t believe he was dead until I saw with my own eyes that his Light was gone. Seeing Kai without this bright shimmer I got used to makes my heart throb with anguish; he’s here, he’s alive and well, I can see that. But it doesn’t feel right.

“I’m sorry.”

            I shake my head, wiping my tears away. “It’s fine, just– It’s weird.” I sniff and brush his shoulder, his neck, his cheek; he’s fine. I only realize then that he is wearing a black suit and tie. I frown. Wasn’t the funeral supposed to be tomorrow? “How long have I been out?”

“A while. We’re heading to the cemetery in a bit.”

“I’ll come with you–”

“No.”

“Kai–”

“It’s out of the question,” he says with more authority but still in a very soft voice. “Andy, you can barely sit, you’re not fit to stand yet, or walk. You need to rest.”

“I should be there with you.” I should be holding his hand, and Liv’s and Jo’s. I should be there for them. Kai takes my hand and kisses my palm before pressing it to his heart.

“You’ll be with me. The whole time. You’re always with me.” He rests his forehead on mine and I can’t help a weak smile.

“That’s incredibly cheesy of you to say.”

“Isn’t it?” He chuckles. “God, you’ve turned me into a marshmallow.”

“You love marshmallows,” I object.

“True. Now, back into bed.” I comply and he tucks me in. “Listen, I’ve been talking to Jared and… we’re waiting on Alice to accept to meet me.” My face falls at that and my heart pounds in my chest. “Relax. She knows I’m leader now, she won’t be coming for my head. Hopefully.”

“Don’t see her alone.”

“Yeah, well, she hasn’t agreed to it yet. I’ll be driving the coven back to the airport after the funeral; I’ll try reaching out to her tonight. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.” I snort. “I’m gonna have to go,” he sighs. “I’ll be too far to keep you in the ring with them.”

“It’s okay. I already had more time than I should have.”

“Do you want a sleeping spell, or–”

“I’m good. I’ve had enough sleep.”

“Okay. Caroline and Matt are staying here to look after you. They won’t come bother you but if you want some company, they’re downstairs.”

“I’ll just shout for Caroline.” He rolls his eyes, handing me my phone.

“The beauty of twenty-first century.” I hold on to his hand and he doesn’t let go. We hold gaze for a while, silent, at peace, and I revel in his tender stare.

“Thank you,” I say, “for taking care of me.”

“Thank you for being an easy patient,” he smiles.

“I think I’ll take you up on your offer for political asylum.” He laughs, allowing his dimples to show.

“I’d love that.”

 

*****

 

            The high-pitched scream ceases before I open my eyes, which makes me wonder whether it was a dream. However, when I hear pieces of furniture crash against the walls downstairs, I’m certain to be awake. It takes all of my strengths to sit up and I am left breathless, my heart pounding in my chest; except this is not for fear, it’s because of the physical effort. More alarming noises resonate from downstairs and I grab my phone with shaking hands, thinking only to send one text.

            I then haul myself out of bed, my chest tearing as I take ridiculously slow and difficult steps towards the cupboard. I need to lean on the nearest wall to keep going, and it feels like I have never done something so trying in my entire life. Damn, how did I use to move about and just live before I even had my Light?

I finally reach my goal, sweat collecting on my forehead and my back, as I keep drawing deep breaths. I close the door behind me and let myself fall to the floor, trying to calm my breathing. I feel like I’m drowning in my own lungs. Am I having an asthma crisis or something?

            I start when hearing voices come closer and I close my eyes, trying really hard to calm down. I can’t be breathing so hard, whoever is attacking this house – my money is on a team of heretics – they’ll notice me in half a second. I rest my back against the wall, drawing my knees against my chest, and focus on getting air in and out. Endless seconds go by before footsteps are heard nearby. I try to be as silent as possible, but I know that even if I could control my breathing, my heartbeat would betray my presence. Consequently, it is no surprise when the door suddenly opens, and a female vampire-witch hybrid, the one with straight blond hair, gives me a predatory smile.

“Well, hello there,” she purrs.

“Have you found something, Mary-Louise?” a voice asks from behind her. Another female comes into view: her skin is darker than the former, and her hair is long and black.

“What do you think, Nora? It seems we have an unexpected guest.”

“Hold on,” Nora says, squinting as she examines me. “I know her. She fought us at the wedding.”

            Mary-Louise cocks her head. “And she’s alive? Our mistake, dear; let us arrange that.”

She grabs me by my collar and lifts me up, hauling me out of my hiding-spot effortlessly. I already wish for the time when I could have snapped her neck without thinking. Instead, I keep gasping as I fight for my every breath.

“What shall we do with you?” Mary-Louise inquires, sharing a playful smile with Nora.

“What are you two doing?” Our heads snap to the new voice and we take in the man standing in the doorframe.

“We just made a new friend,” Nora smiles darkly.

“Malcolm,” Mary-Louise sighs rather impatiently. “Don’t you have another part of our new house to explore?”

“Well, your new friend intrigues me, I must say,” the man says, stepping closer as he examines me. “I believe I saw her at the wedding. She was fighting rather fiercely; what happened to her?”

“I don’t know,” the blond one shrugs. “I found her like that.”

            Malcolm gives her a doubtful look but reports his attention on me.

“You didn’t fight with magic, and yet you seemed immune to it; you’re not a vampire, you don’t seem to be a werewolf, or a witch; what could you possibly be?”

Breathe in; breathe out. If I don’t react soon, they’ll kill me for entertainment.

“You can’t hurt me,” I breathe out, which requires quite the effort.

“Oh, I believe we can,” he mocks.

“If you do…” I stop to be breathe in, “dozens of people like me… will come for you.”

            He arches a brow, intrigued. “Really?”

“It’ll be war…,” I whisper, fighting against a headache. “They’ll hunt you down… and kill you all.”

“Fantastic,” he smiles, “let’s have them come. I’ll enjoy the sports.” I don’t even have time to react, my breathing is cut short. There is a second of incomprehension and my brain shuts down, not knowing right away where this unspeakable pain comes from. But then it spreads, vividly tearing through my abdomen, and blood fills my mouth as fast as sweat collects on my skin. Malcolm’s eyes are locked on mine as he casually pulls his hand out of my stomach, letting me fall to the ground.

            I lean over the floor, incapable of moving a muscle. A sensation of cold overtakes me and it feels like my life is pouring out of me from my stomach. My entire world zeroes to the excruciating pain and the lack of air, before the shadows blessfully absorb me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom. Ladies and gents, meet Alice of the Lightbringers. She ain't taking any shit from any one.


	66. Chapter 66

Sixty-six

 

            Once on her way, it doesn’t take her long to get to the Salvatore house. Alice rented a room in a hotel nearby for the night, and she was pondering whether or not she should go back and kidnap her sister before dawn when she received this text from her – _911_

            Without thinking twice, Alice immediately tapped into her supernatural surplus and rushed to the house where she knew Andy was staying. One could argue she would have been faster using a car, but that is highly debatable.

The head of the Lightbringer community doesn’t bother knocking; if Damon Salvatore has a problem with that, she’ll deal with him. However, when she enters the house, the scattered pieces of furniture and the two unconscious bodies on the floor instantly warn her that the team of supernaturals she left in charge of Andy earlier is likely to be facing a threat of their own. Summoning her speed and strengths once again, Alice heads upstairs, checking room after room for a sign of Andy.

            When she comes face to face with a Gemini Light that looks different from what she’s seen so far, she marches on her with determination.

“And who are you?” the dirty-blond-haired girl asks with a pronounced British accent.

“Where is Andy?” Alice coldly demands.

“Where’s who?”

            The Lightbringer instantly reaches for the witch’s throat, lifting her effortlessly above ground. Understanding she is dealing with stronger than her, the girl lifts her hand and tries chanting, but nothing happens. Still holding her at arm’s length, Alice violently hits the girl’s head against the nearest wall before drawing her closer to her face.

“I said: where is she?”

            The girl shakes her head, gasping for air while trying to use her vampire strengths to free herself from Alice’s grip. Noting her uselessness, Alice snaps the girl’s neck with one good squeeze and negligently tosses her body to the floor, moving on to the next room. However, she hears footsteps at the end of the corridor; three persons come out of a room, two girls and a man, and their eyes widen with surprise at the sight of the hybrid lying on the floor.

“Valerie?” one of them calls.

Receiving no answer from said Valerie, they raise murderous stares to Alice, who is already marching on them, and raise their hands as one, waiting for something to happen. Except nothing does and they frown.

            Alice grabs the throat of the nearest one, the girl with straight, blond hair, and asks, “Where is Andy?”

“Who’s Andy?” Mary-Louise retorts, gripping the Lightbringer’s hand. From the corner of her eye, Alice sees the other girl’s Light move about, and faster than Nora, she grabs her by her throat as well.

“Where is she?”

“If you’re talking about that girl who was hiding in a cupboard,” the man says behind her, “I think she’s bleeding out, somewhere in the bedroom.”

            Clenching her jaw, Alice breaks the girls’ necks and throws them to the floor, like two meaningless items she wants to dispose of, before entering the room. When her eyes land on Andy’s body, unconscious and covered in blood, something breaks inside her. She rushes over to her sister, takes her in her arms, and uses her supernatural speed to leave the house.

 

*****

 

“I need help!” she shouts when entering the hospital. All heads turn to her, medical staff as well as patients and visitors, and all eyes widen at the sight of this young woman covered in blood that she is carrying. At once, doctors and nurses rush to her. Alice is reluctant to let anyone take Andy from her arms but she lets go, her eyes glued to her sister as they transfer her to a bed in an emergency room.

            She watches intently as people in blue scrubs and white blouses rush around Andy, sharing information that barely makes sense to her, trying to contain her bleeding and pushing needles in her skin; they are all swift and fast, active and busy; they all have a purpose, while there is nothing _she_ can do.

Next to Alice, an intern is asking her a million questions at a time and she can’t properly answer them. This is her sister, Andrea. No, she doesn’t know what happened, she found her like this. She doesn’t know for how long she’s been bleeding; no, no heart or health condition they should know about. Well, she’s been having problems breathing recently. No allergy. Yes, they have a health insurance. What do you mean, ‘she needs to go to surgery immediately’? How bad is it? Yes, of course she’ll sign her consent.

            The doctors don’t waste time and roll the bed passed a double-door she is not allowed to cross. Alice stays behind, answering questions and signing paperwork, and all she can think about is that if she’d put in the effort to retrieve Andy like she first wanted to, she wouldn’t be lying on a hospital bed right now.

 

            An hour later, Alice paces up and down the floor. She continually exhorts herself to calm but she very easily pictures herself breaking everything around her until someone updates her. She’s done with the paperwork, she’s agreed to an organ transplant, should Andy need one, and she’s been debating whether to call Jared and her dad. To what end? She doesn’t have anything to tell them about Andy’s condition, except that it seems pretty bad and she’ll know more when someone deigns to update her.

            Usually calm and impassive, Alice isn’t one to show her distress nor her concern. She is used to being the solid rock everybody else looks up to in a time of crisis, and she needs to appear confident and unafraid, always. It’s the key to keeping her troops under control and she modeled this attitude after watching her father for years. And it’s not necessarily an act: there are not a lot of things, if any, that can frighten her. However, the sight of Andy lying unconscious on the floor, with all this blood pooling around her, keeps reappearing in her head. Even when she closes her eyes, she’s there, on the floor, and Alice can’t help nervously chewing on her lip. What if she–

            A nurse walks up to her, offering her a plastic cup full of cold water. She doesn’t care about how people look at her and her black fighting leathers, all she cares about is making sure that Andy is fine.

“Any news about my sister?”

“Not yet,” the nurse tells her gently. “We’ll let you know.”

            Alice exhales and takes a sip. This cannot be happening. She sits down in the waiting area, restless, and fishes in her pocket for Andy’s phone. Apparently, it was tucked in her sister’s jeans pocket and it fell when the doctors put her on the bed. The elder Moreau unlocks the device, knowing Andy still uses their mother’s birthday as password, and scrolls down her list of contacts. There are not that many names she doesn’t know; most of them are either from the clan, old friends from their hometown, witches contacts from previous missions, and of course, there are those she heard of during the past year.

            The first one to draw her attention is Bonnie Bennett. Alice stares at the name for a while, pondering, remembering from Andy’s early reports that she was a good witch. She taps on the name and texts. She scrolls down further, reading names as they appear: Carla Sexton, Clarke Thorpe, Dad, Damon Salvatore, Dominic Lynch, Elena Gilbert, Enzo St-John, Eric Dillard, Home, Jared, Jeremy Gilbert, Jess Blackburn, Jo Parker, Kai Parker, Liv Parker, Lorraine, Louise, Lucien, Luke Parker– She frowns. Why would Andy keep a dead guy’s phone number? Pushing the thought aside, she taps on Liv Parker’s name and texts her as well. Not that she trusts any of them, but she’d better be prepared. And though she is very much in favor of following the rules, Alice decides she is ready to break them in a heartbeat if it can save her sister.

 

*****

 

            The door opens and all three heads whip to Jo Saltzman. The former witch doesn’t have privileges at Mystic Falls’ General, but she knows enough doctors to get a backstage in when she needs to. Bonnie and Liv rise to their feet and Alice pushes herself off the wall.

“So?”

“They just closed up,” Jo says. “They’re moving her to a room in the ICU.”

“But she’s fine, right?”

            Jo opens her mouth but doesn’t answer right away. Alice assesses her caution, the way she inhales before saying, “She’s lost a lot of blood, and the damages were severe… They’ll watch her closely.”

            Liv and Bonnie share a glance, while Alice steps closer to Jo.

“Where is she?” Barely a question, more like a cold order. Jo doesn’t take it personally; from what she heard, Alice is bossy in the first place, and the fear of losing a loved one doesn’t help. The doctor nods for them to follow her and they leave the floor. When they reach the Intense Care Unit, nurses walk towards them with a frown but Jo Saltzman nods, signaling they’re with her. She leads them to a room and Alice stops on the threshold.

Andy is there, lying on the bed in a white and blue hospital gown; her eyes are closed and she looks pale, but at least her face isn’t distorted with pain anymore. A thin transparent tube brings air to her nose, and several other tubes link her motionless body to the imposing machinery behind her. Alice eyes the IV dropping peacefully, the regular beep monitoring her vitals. Andy looks unusually still and vulnerable in the middle of all this.

“When will she wake up?” Her mouth is dry. She doesn’t even look at Jo when asking, her gaze is glued to Andy; she’s never seen her so lifeless, so weak. As Jo’s silence stretches, Alice turns a stern eye to her.

“They don’t know yet.”

            The Lightbringer steps closer to the bed, carefully taking Andy’s hand. No reaction; her sister doesn’t stir in her sleep, doesn’t hum or sigh, her eyes don’t flutter at the touch. Nothing.

“Can one of you perform a healing spell?” She is not supposed to ask for a spell; ever. No witch is supposed to know of her, but all these rules don’t matter at the moment: Andy’s life is at stake. Bonnie and Liv nod to each other and step forward, carefully laying a hand on Andy’s free hand. They close their eyes and begin chanting in a low voice. Alice watches as their Lights brighten and twirl about, shooting from the witches’ fingers to dance around Andy, trying to find a way in. But nothing happens.

            When they open their eyes, they both frown, almost surprised that it didn’t work.

“It’s not working,” Bonnie whispers. A silence ensues and Alice draws a deep breath while realizing that even though her sister is now Lightless, internal magic still doesn’t work on her. _Why_?

She clenches her jaw, hating the step she is forced to take.

“Get us a vampire,” she commands under her breath.

“But vampire blood doesn’t work on Andy,” Liv objects with a frown.

“Not when she had her Light,” Alice confirms. “But it should work now.”

“I called Elena when I got here,” Bonnie announces. “She’ll be here with Damon in no time.”

            Alice nods once and goes back to watching Andy. Liv steps closer as well, on the other side of the bed, and gently takes her friend’s free hand.

“Have you told the others?” Jo asks quietly.

“I also called Caroline, she’ll probably tell Stefan. I don’t have Enzo’s number but I trust Damon will let him know.”

Bonnie remains at the end of the bed, watching sadly, while Jo goes to check the patient’s IV and vitals. Once she is sure everything is good, she allows herself not to look critically as a doctor, but as a friend; as family. She gently caresses Andy’s cheek, praying for her to wake up soon. This tender gesture earns her a look from Alice, not even a bad one; the hunter simply looks up to the former witch, assessing the way she behaves towards Andy, and then she goes back to watching her sister. Jo suddenly stiffens, turning back to Liv and Bonnie.

“What about Kai?” she asks. “Does he know?”

            The two witches share a glance but don’t answer. “None of you called him?” Her voice is stern now, which makes Alice look up. The younger witches look to the ground but don’t answer. This doesn’t really come as a surprise to the doctor: here are the two persons who like him less in their entire group, and she gets that they wouldn’t want to be the ones calling him for any reason, but for something this important? “Are you kidding me.” Jo mutters sternly.

“Last time I heard of him, he was driving the coven to the airport with dad,” Liv lets out with a shrug, before looking away.

“He was going with _dad_?” Jo asks with skepticism.

“They took separate cars,” her sister adds. Jo shakes her head and fishes for her phone in her pocket before leaving the room.

 

 

Shortly after she left to make her phone call, Alice sees enter the dark-haired, blue-eyed vampire she instantly identifies as Damon Salvatore. She watches him lay eyes on Andy and clench his jaw, a murderous shimmer crossing his eyes. At his side, the brunette who must be Elena Gilbert slowly reaches a hand to her mouth, sadness filling her eyes.

“What happened?” Elena breathes out.

“You left her alone and someone attacked her, that’s what happened.” Alice’s voice is cold, implacable, and they don’t realize her anger is directed at them all as much as herself. She should have taken Andy with her. She should have been there to protect her.

“We went to the funeral; we never thought…” Elena’s voice goes from low to silent when seeing Alice shoot her a look.

“Wait a second, Hunter-Queen,” Damon grits. “Andy was fine before you showed up and took her powers away.” The Lightbringer clenches her jaw at his words, repressing the urge to tear the vampire’s head off, which he can read in her eyes, and he seems to be challenging her to try. Alice doesn’t answer his accusation though, she shall not discuss clan business with any of them. The only thing she has in mind now is for Andy to wake up, no matter how she achieves this goal.

“Would you mind giving her some of your blood?” Alice asks him, trying to sound as little haughty as possible.

“I thought vampire blood didn’t work on people like you,” he retorts.  

            Clenching her jaw again, the Lightbringer gives him the exact same response as Bonnie, and he immediately bites his wrist, feeding Andy a generous amount of his blood. The room fills with silence as they stare and stare and stare, waiting for any improvement, any twitch of her eyes, any squeeze of her hands. Nothing.

Frowns and confused glances are shared.

“I don’t understand,” Damon mutters.

“Maybe it takes more time to act on Lightbringers?” Bonnie suggests.

            Skeptical, they nod, accepting this explanation rather than the scary alternative. The word ‘coma’ seems to be floating in the air, but no one is ready to use it yet. They have magic and blood and supernatural Lights, they don’t just bow down before ‘coma’, right?

Not long after that, two vampires join them: a brown-haired young man with a straight nose, and a blond-haired young woman, who, Alice learns, are Stefan Salvatore and Caroline Forbes. They both look affected when seeing Andy like this, and they quietly ask the others to fill them in. According to Caroline, she was at the house when Lily Salvatore and her heretics decided to take over the property; they ended up snapping both her and Matt’s necks after an unfair fight, and they woke up to find the house empty.

When a doctor comes in, he raises a skeptical brow at the sight of them all, and Bonnie is the one to tell him they’re here with Doctor Saltzman. He doesn’t comment and checks his patient’s vitals, letting nothing show on his stern look. He then looks around and asks whether Andy has any family in the room. Once again, eyes turn to Alice.

“I’m her sister.”

“Maybe we should step outside–,” he begins, but Damon impatiently grabs his wrist and locks eyes with the man.

“Cut the crap, doctor. You’re going to tell us everything we need to know about Andy’s condition.”

            Alice grits her teeth, outraged with the vampire’s behavior, but too impatient to hear the news to react. The doctor is left in a daze as he states, “Her current state is very concerning. She should be awake by now; we worry that if she doesn’t wake soon, she might never do.”

            Shock and confusion overtake their faces, and while Damon feels a lot like pulling this man’s heart out, he tells him to ‘get out of here’ and they all fall back in an apprehensive silence, unwilling to believe that something like this can be happening.

Then Jo comes back, holding hands with a human whose Light used to be a vampire, and Alice remembers Damon called him Rick; this is Alaric Saltzman. When they hear that Andy isn’t responding to vampire blood and that the doctor is not optimistic, both he and his wife look concerned, but they conceal it rather fast and go stand together against a wall.

It is easy for Alice to identify the couples: both Damon and Alaric are holding their significant other in their arms, and she can’t help but wish Jared were here to hold her too while they all wait for Andy to wake up. This is not a feeling she gets very often; professional and driven, Alice knows how to maintain the frontier between personal life and work, which is even more important since she works with her family. However, this mission took a complete different turn the second Andy’s life was put in jeopardy.

            When another vampire comes in, Alice deeply exhales, exhorting herself to calm. This is not some supernatural gang feud, this is family business; none of them should be here with her and she is still wondering why she hasn’t ordered them all out yet; but even the last one coming, this Enzo St-John, looks affected by the sight of Andy on this hospital bed. Caroline fills him in on the attack and he frowns.

“Why isn’t she healing?”

            Cautious glances turn to Alice, who suddenly feels cornered with this silent accusation. Raising her chin, she locks eyes with the vampire and deigns to answer, “Her abilities are currently suspended.”

“And who the hell are you?” the vampire demands, giving her a despising wince.

“Enzo, meet the head of the Moreau family,” Damon joylessly announces. The other vampire arches an eyebrow.

“You. You are Jared’s wife.” He examines her openly, keeping his conclusions to himself, while Alice tries not to let this allusion to Jared get to her. They all seem to know him as well and she can’t help but think about how both Damon Salvatore and Kai Parker addressed him over the phone; with such familiarity, as if they were… friends.

Jared did tell her the watching operation in Virginia had gone way out of control for a while, but though he insisted on the fact that Andy wanted to tell her the story herself, he guaranteed that things were under control now. He gave Alice his word that the situation was mostly fixed, but all she can see is that Andy lied to her about the new Gemini leader’s identity; that this man, this _murderer_ , walks the earth freely and that Andy is ready to put her life at risk to protect him while an entire town of supernaturals run about with knowledge of the clan and how it works.

This goes beyond anything she’d imagined.

“What about vampire blood?”

“We’ve tried,” Caroline tells him gently. “It doesn’t work.”

“Well, then the leader just needs to unsuspend her ability to heal.”

“Alice… confiscated Andy’s Light,” Stefan adds with caution. “Her abilities are gone.”

“Well, then, _Alice_ is going to give Andy her Light back,” Enzo retorts, sounding dangerous, “so that she can heal.”

Expectant glances turn to the Lightbringer, who makes a point to appear as hard as before.

“I’ve thought of that,” she calmly explains. “But Andy is in no condition to receive her Light back. She would need months of training to get back into shape, her body wouldn’t take the shock; it would kill her.” 

“Marvelous,” the vampire whispers, shaking his head. “What do the doctors say?”

            Heads turn to Jo, who doesn’t look very optimistic.

“She went under a very heavy surgery and she lost a lot of blood. The doctors did everything they could but… there is no telling whether she’s going to wake up. They… tend to think she might not.”

“So no vampire blood, no magic, no Light… You’re saying there is _nothing_ we can do,” Enzo finally argues.

            Bonnie closes her eyes, defeated, and Alaric lowers his gaze while Alice and Liv both squeeze Andy’s hand tighter, as if it could wake her. Elena and Caroline cover their mouths with their hand, shaking their heads in disbelief, as Damon and Enzo clench their jaw.

Alice briefly locks eyes with the latter but doesn’t say a word, and a heavy silence fills the crowded room once more. Given the state of things, she would like to have her sister all to herself, and though she could very well resort to killing anyone who opposes her when she gives the order, she knows she won’t. It is clear now that they all care about Andy. No matter how hard she tries to believe that she respected the rules and didn’t get as involved as it first appeared, they are her friends. She’s not going to kill them while her baby sister lies unconscious.

When Jo’s phone rings again, she leaves immediately. Nothing else moves, no one speaks; they all wait in this bubble of endless silence, expecting an outcome that is less likely to happen by the minute, and all heads turn towards the door when they hear a male voice in the corridor, “Where is she?” More of a demand than a question.

Some of them briefly close their eyes, bracing themselves, and Alice looks up to see Kai Parker, Joshua and Jo enter the room. The new leader instantly comes to halt at the sight of Andy, his face crumbling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, this terrible moment when nothing seems to work for these people who are so used to finding a loophole. Plus I can't begin to imagine how Alice must be feeling: she was like 'OMG, my sister betrayed me and the clan, I'll confiscate her Light and bring her back to face court martial' to 'OMG did my actions just killed my baby sister?'.   
> And just that last moment when Kai sees Andy... Oh, I think I'm gonna cry.


	67. Chapter 67

Sixty-seven

 

At once, all eyes are on him as he takes it all in: Andy, lying unconscious and pale, the hospital gown, the monitors, the IV. He sees it all but his brain doesn’t want to register, and the painful moment he spends, standing still, trying to make sense of this, seems to stretch indefinitely.

Some of them avert their gazes but Alice and Joshua simply can’t look away. His face is an open book, losing all color, and Alice suddenly understands why the question they all asked when coming in was, ‘Does Kai know?’. She knows this look, this daunting, desperate realization that the world is collapsing, she’s seen it before: it was the look on her dad’s face the day he saw the corpse of his wife.

His mouth opens, as if he were about to say something, but no word will come out. He steps forward, nothing else than Andy’s unconscious body existing in his eyes, and Liv immediately clears her side of the bed for him. She comes to stand next to Alice, watching her brother silently reach the bed.

His eyes continue their global examination, taking in the needles and the tubes, as he reaches out to touch her but won’t at first, and Joshua recognizes in his son’s hesitation the same caution and disbelief he once felt when he feared that the corpse of his own wife could evaporate at his mere touch; he knows Kai and Andrea were not married for years like he was, but in this moment, the only thing tangible is the sight of this man seeing death on the face of the woman he loves.

Kai’s breathing is shallow, as if he were about to cry, when finally he allows his fingers to graze her skin with care. It is her, he realizes. She looks asleep, almost peaceful, but her utter stillness feels so wrong; her lack of reaction when he touches her isn’t right. Is she gone?

“Do you know a spell that could wake her?” Liv asks. Kai looks up, and it takes him time to hear her voice, to understand her words. He doesn’t answer but gently cups Andy’s face with his hands, closing his eyes and focusing. Alice watches his powerful Light glow brighter as he summons his magic and sends it whirling from the tip of his fingers to Andy’s head.

“Come on,” he whispers, forcing even more magic in his spell.

Alice watches and watches and watches, her heart beating with hope in her chest, and an eternity passes by before the witch’s Light settles back and he opens his eyes and gazes at Andy with a sadness that squeezes her heart.

“There’s nothing I can do,” he realizes in a low voice. “It’s up to her to wake up.”

            Some exchange glances but no word is uttered as they all realize they are running out of options. Kai carefully sits on the edge of the bed, taking Andy’s free hand while tenderly brushing her cheek. Jo came to welcome him when he entered the hospital and she told him what happened in a few words: the attack at the house, the heavy surgery, the blood that didn’t act, the impossibility to give Andy her Light back; it all failed, and now even the most powerful healing spell he knows won’t work. Even his own magic can’t help. Tears fill his eyes as he realizes that Andy is truly facing death and he has no way to ensure she’ll make it back to him. This could very well be it. After all they’ve been through, today might be the day she–

“Get out,” he lets out in a low, shaking voice, his vision already blurring. “All of you. Leave.”

            A second of inaction before Jo motions them to head out. The room empties silently but Alice can’t move. Her gaze is captured by the sight of the witch who lifts Andy’s hand to his lips and painfully closes his eyes, letting the first tears drop.

“Come on,” Liv whispers, taking her elbow and leading her out.

            The group doesn’t go as far as the waiting area, they implicitly agree to stand where they can still keep an eye on Andy through the large pane of her room. Powerless, incapable of doing anything to save her, they fall silent, each lost in their own thoughts.

The only interruption to this endless wait is when a brown-haired young man comes to them and takes Liv Parker in his arms. From his would-be werewolf Light, Alice understands this is Tyler Lockwood. Apparently, he was taking care of Matt Donovan, who survived his neck-snap thanks to this ring of his that brings him back to life whenever he dies for supernatural reasons.

Once again, they all get to hear an account of the events as Liv answers his questions. He doesn’t say much, not being a close friend to Andy, but from the grave faces of the entire group, he understands how serious the situation is, and the arm he’s passed around Liv’s waist draws her closer to him. As for Alice, she doesn’t take the distrustful look he gives her personally: at this point she knows even he must have heard of the ruthless clan leader.

“So… since it is that bad… why are we not with her?” Tyler carefully asks.

“We were,” Jo answers, trying to keep her voice even. “But, um… Kai needed some time alone with Andy.”

“Kai?” Tyler arches a brow, as if he misheard. “Why would Kai need…” He trails off at the obvious glance Liv gives him and surprise overtakes his features. “Oh. Okay.” He cocks his head, trying to process the information. “Wait, so Andy _and_ Kai. Who saw that one coming?”

“I did,” Damon voices, looking at the ground with utter unhappiness.

“Me too,” Liv admits.

“Yep,” Alaric confirms.

“It’s quite hard to miss,” Enzo adds.

“Seriously?” Tyler mutters, doubtful.

“Don’t listen to them,” Jo tells him. “They only figured it out because they went out to drink with Kai when Andy broke up with him.”

“They weren’t together,” all three men object in one voice.

            A pause ensues, until Enzo shakes his head. “He was finally going after her.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Liv snaps. “She’s going to wake up.”

            No one dares say the contrary but by the look on their faces, not a lot of them believe that.

“We weren’t there for her,” Damon whispers, his eyes still locked on the floor. “She always comes to help us, she always… comes to fix our messes; and we weren’t there.” They all ponder his words, guilt surging; even Damon is taking it hard on himself. How could they screw up like this?

“That’s it,” Enzo decides with determination. “I think it’s time to move the party.”

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Alice grits.

“Not that kind of party,” Damon tells her. “He’s got his murder voice on.”

“What do you say, Damon?” the British vampire asks, a dangerous light indeed dancing in his eyes. “Shall we head for retaliation?”

“Absolutely.”

“Guys,” Elena calls, “it’s no use to go after them now. The best we can do for Andy is to stay here with her until– ”

“Disagreed,” Damon says. “I’m feeling the need to rip heads off right now, so I’m gonna head out and end this.”

“At least wait for Kai,” Caroline pleads. “You know he’ll want to join.”

“ _Fine_.”

“Am I the only one to think this is a terrible idea?” Bonnie asks, earning blasé looks from the two male vampires. “Just think about it: your lust for revenge doesn’t make you any stronger than two days ago. We barely made it out alive of the wedding, you can’t seriously think that you can take them on.”

“Well, we can certainly try,” Damon says, smiling dangerously.

“Besides–” Enzo stops talking as all vampires turn their heads towards Andy’s room as one, listening to something that the others don’t get to hear. Kai is still sitting on the side of her bed, and what he is saying must have some degree of importance because Damon ends up closing his eyes, regret and sadness written all over his face. Enzo clenches his jaw, looking to the ground, and Caroline reaches a hand to her heart.

“Wow,” she whispers sadly.

“I didn’t know he had that in him,” Stefan confesses, looking at the ground as well.

“Why, what is he saying?” Alice asks.

“He’s saying ‘too bad you don’t have vamp-hearing to eavesdrop’,” Damon answers dryly.

They share an unfriendly look, until Alice senses a cautious hand on her shoulder. She lifts an expectant eyebrow at Joshua Parker and his voice is low and as soft as he can manage when he says, “Alice, have you called your father?”

“Not yet, I…” She trails off, uncertain for the first time. She was waiting for better news.

“I think now is time to call him.”

 

            Alice hangs up and wipes her eyes, channeling all the courage she has in store somewhere inside. This conversation with her dad and Jared was far from easy, and saying aloud that there was an actual risk of Andy not waking up made it hard to breathe, but they know now and they are looking to catch the next flight to join her. She inhales deeply and nods to herself before leaving the staircase. The supernatural Lights are still standing where she left them, but at this point she doesn’t really mind them anymore. All that matters is Andy.

“Anything new?” she asks no one in particular as she joins them.

            Damon and Enzo turn their unhappy faces to her but don’t respond, and Jo is the one to let her know that nurses and doctors just entered Andy’s room to check on her, and indeed, as she sees the small crowd of white blouses moving about around Andy’s bed, she also sees the tall figure of Kai Parker walk out of the room. He stops right outside, wearily rubbing his face before turning to them and slowly filling the distance between them. The approximate circle they form automatically opens for him, and no one comments his red eyes as he comes stand next to Enzo, ignoring Joshua on his right.  

“What are they doing?” Liv asks him. Her brother looks back through the pane.

“Changing her IV and… running some more tests.”

His chin trembles and Enzo gently clasps his shoulder, summoning the witch back to reality.

“Feel like tearing heads off?” As Kai stares at him, the vampire adds, “Some of us are getting quite restless. I thought we might seek out some vengeance instead of uselessly pacing.”

            The witch’s face darkens, causing Jo to imperceptibly shiver; though she’s been seeing nothing but the boy who used to be her brother lately, right now he much rather resembles his emotionless self the night he came after them. So long ago, and yet the wound is still there, hidden, but ready to open and hurt and scare on the first occasion.

“I’m going to kill them all.” His voice is low, lethal. And though a lot of them don’t think it is a good idea, how can they get in the way of that?

“That’s the spirit,” Enzo nods. “Time to choose your killing partners.” Kai slightly frowns at his words, before taking a look around.

“None of you is expected to come with me.”

“Are you kidding.” Damon retorts. “Andy’s one of us, we’re coming.”

            Alice watches Kai take another look around, seeing the determination on their faces. Whether they support it or not, they are ready to join.

“Alright,” he weakly nods before inhaling and speaking with more confidence, “Jo, you’re staying here to keep an eye on Andy; keep us posted on the slightest change.” Jo nods with determination and he moves on to the next person, “Caroline, don’t take it personally; you’re staying for obvious reasons.” The vampire nods, lifting a hand to her flat belly, and Jo takes her free hand in hers. “Rick, you’re staying as well–”

“What? No.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m a vampire hunter, I can fight; I can help you guys with this.”

“I know you can, but I would very much like my future nieces or nephews to actually grow up with a father, and so does Jo. You’re staying.”

“Look, we appreciate your concern, truly,” Alaric slowly says, “but it’s not your decision to make.”

“Actually, it is,” Jo calmly says. Eyes turn to her but she stares at her brother, and he understands the plea in her nearly-impassive eyes.

“That’s right,” Kai chooses to go along. “Congrats, Rick: you just married into a coven of witches; get used to its leader giving you orders. You’re staying, and that’s final.”

            Alaric opens his mouth to protest, but Jo squeezes his arm and he stays silent.

“Welcome to the family, Rick,” Liv mocks in a low voice, and her brother’s eyes turn to her.

“Don’t speak too fast; you’re staying too.”

“What? _Why_?” she immediately objects.

“Because I’m coming short of siblings to squabble with. And besides, I have a much more important mission for you. You’re needed here.”

“Elena is staying too,” Damon puts in. “She’s human now.”

“I’ll go check on Matt,” she tells them.

“Tyler,” Kai continues, “you’re not part of the coven, so I don’t get to give you orders but you’re human, so I strongly suggest you stay here as well.”

“Duly ignored,” Tyler nods.

“All of the others are free to join.” He briefly gestures to Alice and Joshua. “You two, I don’t care about.”

            Alice and Joshua share a glance but they don’t say a word, and all of those who are allowed to join head out. Elena heads out as well, leaving a silence in her trail. The Lightbringer watches as Kai steps closer to Jo and requests that she lets him know if anything happens. Once again, Jo agrees, and Alice sees her squeeze his arm for comfort; she doesn’t look afraid, she doesn’t look like she even resents him for killing their siblings. What’s _wrong_ with this family?

“What about me?” Liv asks, and Kai turns around to see her fold her arms unhappily. “If I’m to stay here and allegedly ‘look after them’ or whatever–”

“You’re not,” he interrupts her gently. His eyes land back on the pane, on Andy lying unconscious, and his eyes fill with pain. Without a word, he reaches for the chain around his neck, the one he hid under his clothes when Jo came to welcome him downstairs. She found it in Andy’s personal belongings at the reception desk, and knowing what it was, she pocketed it when no one was looking.

When their eyes land on the ring, air leaves Liv’s lungs, Jo covers her mouth and Alaric is the one to ask in a low, sad voice, “Do you think it’ll come to that?”

“I hope not.”

            Kai’s eyes are absorbed with the ring now, he doesn’t seem surprised that his brother-in-law knows about it; he’s part of the family, part of his team; the witch is okay with Jo sharing this with him. However, he has no desire to explain anything to Joshua, Alice, or even Caroline, who all just watch the scene without understanding what is going on. He looks up to the pane again, drawing a difficult breath, and motions to give Liv the ring.

“No,” she refuses, keeping her arms at her sides. “We’re not doing that; she’s going to wake up.”

“If she gets any worse, you’ll have to.” His voice is shaking, he is about to cry.

“No,” Liv insists, shaking her head, as tears well up in her eyes.

“Olivia, _please_ ,” he whispers, a tear rolling on his cheek.

            The younger Parker chews on her lip and sniffs before nodding. Kai takes her hand and carefully puts the ring in it, while his sister closes her eyes, letting tears fall as well. He cautiously sets his hand on the side of her head, gently drawing her close, and bends down to press a long kiss to her forehead. He then turns around and walks away.

Alice ponders for another minute, contemplating this oppressing newfound silence. She knows she should stay here with Andy and not head out with strangers to kick asses but Alice is a woman of action. She doesn’t sit and wait, she acts. And right now, killing the bastards who did this to her sister sounds more appealing than watching her slip away. She doesn’t say anything and heads out after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kai... it breaks my heart to see him like that. Poor guy just want to be loved and he he wants for the people who love him to stay alive. Is that too much to ask?? (Although, Jo didn't die at her Red Wedding, so not everybody dies, but still.)   
> Also, I kinda want to yell at them to stay put because a) they're clearly not strong enough to take down the heretics b) what if we lose Andy and they're not there?


	68. Chapter 68

Sixty-eight

 

            Kai is on the parking lot when Alice spots him.

“Hey,” she calls. He comes to a halt, slowly turning around to watch her join him. Even in this simple word, he could hear her implacable authority. In normal circumstances, he would have loved to play with her nerves but nothing in this situation is normal, nor right. “I didn’t drive here. Mind if I share the ride?” Barely a question, more of an assertion that she is joining.

            Kai looks back at the car he was aiming for, where Enzo and Tyler are already seated. He is about to answer but another voice beats him to it, “Alice and I can drive together.”

The two leaders turn to face Joshua Parker, who seems calm and determined. Alice watches father and son as they stare, and Kai gives him a disillusioned smile, shaking his head to himself.

“She’s not driving with you.”

“I’m the only person she knows,” Joshua objects calmly, but with authority nonetheless. “She can certainly decide for herself.”

“Yeah, so you can turn her against me too? I don’t think so.”

“What are you talking about?” Joshua hisses.

“Haven’t you told enough lies about me already?” his son spits, tears of hatred clouding his eyes. “She is not going _anywhere_ with you.”

            A cold anger overtakes Joshua’s features as he asserts in a stern voice, “I have no idea what you imagined in your mind, but I have never said lies about you.”

            Again, this disillusioned smile, seasoned with a bitter laugh.

“You know what, I don’t even care whether you actually believed it. I just don’t.” He steps dangerously closer, holding his father’s gaze, not caring that his low voice is shaking as if he were about to break down. “You were my parents. You should have known what was going on, you should have tried to understand. But you didn’t, cause it was so much easier to think I actually was this irredeemable piece of trash you always saw in me. It was _your_ job to protect me and _you_ were the ones who decided that I wasn’t worth it. _You_ made me a freak, and every inch of me wants to kill you for that; EVERY. PART.” He pauses, letting the words sink in. “But I won’t. Because I’m not the monster you would like me to be; and I only wish Mom were here, so I could prove her wrong too.” He swallows hard and clenches his jaw. “You don’t get to poison anyone else’s mind against me _ever_ again.”

            Without another word, Kai takes Alice’s arm and leads her to Enzo’s car, leaving Joshua behind, alone on the parking lot.

 

 

            Three cars park near the town square, which is empty at this hour of the night. All it took them to find a destination was a locator spell. They get off their cars, gathering and looking around, while Damon and Enzo open their trunks and hand wooden stakes and crossbows to whomever wants one. Joshua parks his car not far from them and they all watch him walk up to their circle. Alice watches how father and son won’t even look at each other, and she can see the younger one clench his jaw and trying to hide the devastating emotions she only caught a glimpse of.

“Seriously?” Damon asks, arching his brow at the old witch joining them.

“I don’t answer to you, Damon. But I won’t let what happened to my friend’s daughter go unpunished.”

“Whatever,” Damon says. “Let’s split up to cover more ground: Papa Gemini is coming with me, and if he knows what’s best for him, he won’t be ruining my mojo. Buzz-killer number two,” he adds, nodding to Alice, “is welcome to pick any team I’m not part of. Now, if anyone needs help, just use the group chat, and if anyone gets news from the hospital, they let us know as well so we can all head back.”

            Nods and determined glances are exchanged. Bonnie, Damon and Joshua leave together; Enzo, Kai and Tyler head to a different direction, leaving Alice with Stefan.

 

 

            Enzo, Kai and Tyler are the first ones to locate a group of heretics in a dark side street not far from town square. The three young women, Nora, Mary-Louise and Valerie, seem to be arguing but they instantly side next to each other at the sight of the three men marching on them. When noticing the crossbow in Tyler’s hands, Mary-Louise lifts her hand, flying the human across the street, and Nora aims at the weapon as she clenches her fist, magically breaking the crossbow.

            In the meantime, Enzo uses his supernatural speed to attack Valerie, and they are both fiercely fighting, fangs out, when Kai silently lifts his hand and slowly motions his wrist, remembering the thin connection he got to exploit against Malcolm at the wedding. All three women let out a groan of pain, squinting their eyes and wincing, as they reach for their heads, dropping to their knees in a matter of seconds. Jaw clenched, the Gemini leader only motions his wrist to intensify their headache, building up the flow of his magic with his rage and pain and fear and despair, and the three of them cry out in pain.

“Nice one,” Enzo says, watching the scene.  

“I keep discovering my leader abilities,” Kai answers in a fake light voice, taking an awful amount of pleasure watching them suffer, trying to make them agonize like he is.

“I’m kinda glad I’m not part of your coven,” Tyler comments, feeling for the back of his head with a wince as he walks up to them. The Gemini leader distractedly takes the stake Tyler is holding and kneels down next to the heretics.

“So,” he says, his voice still light, but his demeanor growing more dangerous by the second, “which one of you am I going to kill first?”

“We didn’t do anything to you,” Nora snarls.

“It’s because of people like you that I didn’t get to live. And I was actually trying to come up with a solution for you, but first you attack my family, and now you attack Andy.”

            Valerie frowns at the name, turning a brief accusing look to her partners, before saying, “The three of us did not hurt her.”

“I don’t actually care about that,” Kai shrugs. “One of yours did, and I’m gonna kill every one of you, as well as any person you know or have ever talked to. That’s also for blowing my sister’s wedding.”

“First rule of the fight club,” Enzo tells them, his hands tucked in his jacket pocket, “don’t mess with your leader’s girl.”

“It was Malcolm. He’s the one who attacked her–,”

“Mary-Louise,” Valerie warns, shooting her a look.

“Why thank you, for the intel, I appreciate it. Hey, you know what? Out of gratitude, I’ll kill you first. It won’t be painful – well, that’s not true, but I’ll make sure the others suffer more, okay?”

He offers Mary-Louise a predatory smile, and she can see it in his eyes that he won’t have any mercy on them: he’s got nothing to lose and if killing them can offer him a distraction from this excruciating pain in his chest, he’ll do it. And so, she’s not surprised when he grabs her hair to keep her chest accessible for the stake. Nora screams out, but she is still too weak to fight her leader’s headache, and Kai is about to stab the blond-haired hybrid when Valerie shouts, “Wait, we can save her!”

Kai comes to a halt, turning a dangerous look to the heretic who holds his gaze.

“Speak before I lose patience.”

“First you have to give me your word that you will let us live. All of us. We just want to have a life.”

            Her words strike a chord in him, but he won’t let himself be distracted by how their stories echo with his.

“If you tell me how to save her, I’ll leave you be. But if you lie to me, if it doesn’t work for any reason, or if I’m too late, I’ll torture you all until you beg for death. So think very carefully before speaking again.”

“Malcolm cast a spell to keep her in a coma.”

            Enzo frowns at that, and Kai’s heart picks up its pace.

“I didn’t feel it when I tried a healing spell.”

“It’s cloaked.”

            The leader frowns, thinking. He didn’t detect it because he was focusing all of his magic on healing Andy, he wasn’t looking for any magic that could already be inside her.

“So he’s the one I should be killing in order to break that spell.”

“You promised,” Valerie reminds him. “All you need to do to save her is siphon the spell out of her and heal her; and I can do that, I can siphon it for you if you keep your promise not to harm us.”

“No need,” he mildly answers, “I can do it myself.”

            Valerie frowns at that but doesn’t say anything, wondering how a siphoner could ever make it as coven leader. As for Kai, he is about to rise up when he changes his mind: before anyone can say or do anything, he drives the stake through Nora’s chest, purposefully missing her heart by only a of few inches. Mary-Louise screams in horror while Nora gasps and falls to the ground, petrified by the pain. Kai’s heart revolts at the sound, because it should appease him to hear her suffer this much, but it doesn’t. It’s nowhere near enough to fill this growing emptiness in his chest, so he begins to siphon. He aspires her magic, as much of it as he can, hoping to stop his own pain by camouflaging it with power; he abandons all barriers he ever set to himself when he would siphon his siblings’ magic in order to feel normal; he takes it all, and still it doesn’t change anything to his despair, it doesn’t bring him any peace, and he lets go of Nora quite abruptly and rises up, glaring at them.

            Valerie lifts a murderous glance to the leader but doesn’t say a word, knowing better than to make it worse; he could have killed her after all, he could still kill them all.

“Just so we’re clear,” he says, holding her gaze, “I didn’t promise I wouldn’t harm you; I said I’d let you alive, provided Andy lives.”

            Mary-Louise is taking the stake out of Nora’s chest, causing the girl to cry out in pain, when three brief ringtones resonate in the dark of night. Anguish instantly clutches Kai’s heart as all three men take a look at the group chat to see a message from Jo – _She’s getting worse. Come back._

 

 

            Alice and Stefan walk silently, not bothering to talk to each other, when they finally run into a heretic, at the corner of a street. All three of them come to a stop, gauging each other, and the younger Salvatore is the first one to talk, “So where are your friends? Hm?”

            The witch, Beau, doesn’t stir, and Stefan notices the long, light scar, going all the way down from his chin to the bottom of his throat. “It’s alright, I speak mute. You can just… communicate with me with a series of grunts.”

            Beau clenches his jaw at the mockery and immediately lifts his hand, boiling Stefan’s blood in his veins, causing the latter to bend with pain. Unbothered and not concerned, Alice simply fills the distance between them and grabs the vampire-witch by his throat, a favorite of hers. She watches his peculiar Light twirl about and brighten as he turns a dark look to her and tries to get rid of her, but internal magic doesn’t seem to take with her and his vampire strengths are no match to hers. And there, she sees it: that shimmer of fear that briefly crosses his eyes as he realizes that she’s going to actually kill him. It must be dumbfounding and terrifying, to realize after all this time that’s you’re not indestructible after all.

            The Lightbringer doesn’t even twitch at this reaction she was waiting for. She doesn’t give him a dark, sadistic smile, though she certainly is satisfied with this; she simply looks him in the eye and informs him, “Now you’re going to die.”

Without making any effort, she squeezes his throat, smashing everything from his vocal chords to his esophagus. The excruciating pain makes him faint almost at once, but Alice doesn’t stop until even his spine breaks between her fingers with a satisfying crack. She then lets the body drop to the ground, and remembering that he is a vampire, and thus his abilities will bring him back to life soon enough, she rolls him over with her foot, and prepares herself to reach for his heart.

“ _Stop_!”

            Stefan and Alice’s heads spin to the female vampire, taking in her eyes wide with horror as they are glued on Beau. “What did you do to him?” she whispers, kneeling down next to his corpse.

“Lily, stay out of this,” Stefan warns her.

“How do you want me to stay out of this?” she spits. “You and your friend just attacked my son.”

            The blow lands but Stefan doesn’t answer, and Alice tilts her head, locking a dangerous eye on the so-called mother.

“Your _children_ attacked my sister,” she spits in return.

“Surely if you give her vampire blood, your sister will be just fine,” Lily answers, still looking at Beau like she doesn’t know where to begin her motherly care.

“Vampire blood doesn’t work on Andy,” Stefan whispers. “And neither do healing spells.”

            Lilian Salvatore frowns, surprised to hear this, but also concerned that if this Andy-girl doesn’t survive, they will wage war on them. As for Alice, she has already forgotten the corpse slowly restoring to life on the floor; her attention is now directed at Lily, and she effortlessly grabs her by her throat as well, squeezing just enough for the vampire to properly fear for her life.

“Alice–” Stefan begins.

“You’re the one in charge, aren’t you?”

“Alice, please,” Stefan insists, grabbing her arm in order to make her release Lily, but she doesn’t spare him a glance, barely feeling his grasp.

“Did you give the order?” she demands, and Lily shakes her head.

“Alice, she’s my mother. She’s my family.”

“Andy is my sister.”

“Please, don’t kill her. Don’t do to me what they did to you. Damon and I are Andy’s friends, don’t do this to us; _please_.”

            Alice clenches her jaw, glaring at Lily, and a long silence falls as she debates what to do. She finally loosens her grip, just enough for the vampire to breathe, and she draws her close so she can see how deadly serious she is.

“I’m going to let you go for now. But if my sister doesn’t wake up, I will hunt you down, all of you; and I can promise you there will be no cloaking spell powerful enough, no safe place on this earth, for any of you. If she dies, I will kill all of you with my bare hands, so I suggest you all start praying for her life.”

            Having delivered her promise, Alice tosses the vampire away, before turning an eye to Beau, still lying unconscious, but now breathing. She considers killing him anyway, just to let some steam off, but Stefan’s voice snaps her back to reality.

“Alice, we need to head back.”

            The alarm in his voice makes her turn around instantly; the younger Salvatore is holding his phone for her to see Jo’s message on the group chat.

 

 

            “What happened?”

            Jo, Liv and Alice lift their heads to the Gemini leader as he rushes in Andy’s hospital room. They all left the second they got Jo’s message, but Alice didn’t even lose time going back to the cars: she instantly tapped into her supernatural surplus and ran, making her the first to arrive at the hospital.

“Her vitals collapsed,” Jo explains as her twin goes to stand on the side of the bed opposite to Alice’s, and carefully brushes Andy’s hair. “We were losing her and the doctors didn’t know what to do.”

            Her voice is still shaking – the aftermath of the panic she recently went through – and Kai nods to her, examining Andy, still unbearably unconscious, unresponsive to his touch or their voices. She is stable now but they did almost lose her. They hear hasty footsteps as the others join Alaric and Caroline outside the room, where Jo asked them to wait, and only Damon and Enzo manage to make it past Rick’s plea to stay there as well.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s fine now; it was a false alert,” Jo tells Damon.

            As for Alice, her eyes won’t leave the Gemini leader. When she got here, Liv was standing in his place, holding Andy’s hand, and Alice saw the mysterious ring that Liv was keeping between their palms. When she asked about it, Jo and Liv only shared a glance and cautiously said that it was coven business, and the only ones who were entitled to telling her about it were Kai and Andy. The Lightbringer leader didn’t pay more attention than necessary to their implicit association of Andy to their coven; things are bad enough without needing to make a fuss about this ineptness; as long as Andy wasn’t out of danger, it was pointless.

Alice is now watching her witch counterpart as he distractedly returns the chain around his neck, still staring at Andy as if he could wake her by mere will. But he can’t, she thinks bitterly, she’s tried that already.

“This ring,” she tells him in a low voice. “What does it do?”

Kai doesn’t speak, doesn’t spare her a glance, as if he hadn’t heard her. Still watching Andy, he slowly tucks the ring under his shirt, a silent sign that he won’t be answering Alice’s question anytime soon.  

He gently brushes Andy’s cheek before closing his eyes and focusing; she watches intently as his Light glows brighter and shoots to Andy, twirling and spinning around her. He doesn’t seem to be casting a spell, however, for his Light takes a glowing shade of red, appearing to be taking from Andy. What is he doing to her?

            When he opens his eyes again, Enzo is the first one to talk, “Is it done? Did you siphon the spell?”

“There is no spell,” the witch murmurs, tears gathering in his eyes. Despair shreds his heart, it hurts so much he could scream his agony. They had no right. He’s going to kill them all for this false hope that’s killing him.

“Hang on, what are you talking about?” Alice immediately asks. “What spell?”

“One of the heretics we found said Malcolm cast a sort of coma spell on Andy,” Enzo explains when silence meets her question. “She said if Kai were to siphon it, we’d be able to cure her the regular way.”

“She lied,” Jo breathes out. “Why?”

“Wait,” Damon frowns. “Did you just say ‘Malcolm’? As in, yay high, brown hair, and arrogant as hell?” Enzo nods and the elder Salvatore winces with uneasiness. “Okay, so, on a scale from bad to really bad, how bad would it be if we’d run into him tonight and… say, killed him?”

            Heads whip to him and Enzo lifts his brow.

“You did _what_?” Alice spits. Damon shrugs in apology.

“Well, Bonnie, Joshie and I went after our own heretic and killed him; we couldn’t guess he was the one we should be keeping alive for magical purposes.”

“But he’s probably come back to life by now,” Liv points out.

“Oh no, he’s very dead. As in, I pulled his heart out myself.”

“Wait,” Kai whispers, “when did that happen?”

“Um… right before Jo texted us to come back, actually.”

“Could it be that…” Jo trails off, meeting her brother’s eyes as they both come to the same conclusion.

“I think so,” he mutters, going back to watching Andy, a new shade of hope and expectation settling in his eyes.

“You guys are doing that again,” Damon says. “You’re having a conversation I’m not following and I really dislike it.”

“If Kai isn’t able to find a spell now, it probably means that it wore off when you killed Malcolm, which could have led to disturbing Andy’s vitals for a moment.”

“Okay?”

“If she’s not under the spell anymore,” Jo continues, “then there’s a chance she could wake up.”

            Their eyes widen and silence fills the room. For the first time tonight, there actually is hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of hope can't hurt...


	69. Chapter 69

Sixty-nine

 

            Everything is silent in the room, save for the regular beep of the monitor. A beep that successively means that she’s alive and that she’s out of their reach; a sound of hope and utter despair at the same time.

Andy is still lying on the bed, unconscious, and since she doesn’t have her Light anymore, Alice feels the need to discreetly check for a pulse on her wrist from time to time, just to make sure that she is still here. She stands, staring at Andy’s face, examining every detail of it, searching for the slightest twitch or frown or sigh, anything that could signal her waking up. But nothing happens. She remains immobile, utterly still, and Alice represses the growing urge to scream in order to wake her sister.

            The Gemini leader is in the room with her. He is standing as well, facing her, his back against the wall, and he watches Andy just as intently. After realizing Malcolm’s spell was broken, Jo and Alice took a peek at Andy’s stomach wound and when they saw that it was gone, when they realized that the vampire blood had finally acted, hope and relief bloomed in their chests. After that, Jo suggested that Andy should be at peace, and everybody was invited to go sit in the waiting area, although nothing would have made the two leaders move.

“Do you think she can hear us when we speak?” Alice asks, almost to herself. The witch doesn’t twitch and the Lightbringer suddenly feels like breaking this oppressing silence. “Are your friends still here?”

“We’re not doing that,” he simply says, not looking up. “We’re not bonding over her hospital bed.” Alice slightly frowns and he finally locks eyes with her, and the reproach hits her full force. “To me you’re nothing more than the irresponsible bitch who took her Light while she was in a town full of supernaturals. But you’re her sister and she loves you, and that’s the only reason why you’re still alive.”

            He goes back to watching Andy, and they fall silent again, waiting.

 

/*\

 

            I think I stir in my sleep but the first thing I can feel is a hand squeezing mine, nearly crushing it. My eyes flutter open and I wince weakly; there is not much light in the room, but it’s enough to hurt my eyes. I blink several times before slightly turning my head to the side, seeing a face that I know and love, and whose expression of utter relief reassures me.

“Alice.” I frown: my mouth is dry and my raw voice is no louder than a whisper.

“Hi.” She gently strokes my forehead, my hair, her touch feels heavier than usual on my skin, and her eyes fill with brief tears as I try to squeeze her hand. Besides the discreet, uncomfortable burn in my chest, I can’t really feel anything except her hand in mine.

Thoughts rush through my head, a messy ballet of violence and remorse, and the only thing I can think of is how much I need her to understand that I never meant to hurt her.

“I’m sorry,” I let out, already out of breath. A beep goes irregular next to me and Alice’s face settles to calm and reassurance.

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll talk later, okay? All that matters is that you’re safe. Don’t worry about anything else. Just breathe, and relax. Breathe.”

I exhale painfully, trying to gather my wits. I need to make sure she’s not going to kill anyone in the group, no matter how angry with me she is. She needs to understand that these people matter to me. “He’s worth it,” I breathe out. “They all are.”

“Okay,” she nods, brushing my cheek. I keep staring at her, somehow unable to do anything else, as my heart keeps throbbing in my chest, and I try to focus on my breathing. Why is it so difficult to keep air in?

It’s only when she looks up that I slowly turn my head to the other side, following her gaze. The weakest smile stretches my lips when I see Kai standing not far from me, looking at me like he’s trying to register something. She didn’t hurt him; he’s alive.

“Hey,” I call in a weak whisper I hope he can hear.

He swallows hard before saying in a voice just as low, “Hey.”

We hold gaze, but it’s like he’s seeing something else than just me and I need to mobilize all of my strengths and find the right muscular path in order to move my free hand a bit, opening it for him. He swallows again before pushing himself off the wall and he comes to my bed, examining me before slowly taking my hand with utter care and lifting it, burying his face in it. He takes a deep, shaky breath and my chest tightens when his tears roll on my knuckles.

“Don’t cry,” I manage to say. “Cause if you cry…” I trail off, drawing a difficult breath and he looks at me, the saddest smile tugging at his lips.

“You’re gonna start crying too and it’s gonna get awkward?” he offers and I close my eyes and smile, too weak to properly nod.

            He finally rests a shaky hand on my hair, brushing my forehead with his thumb, and we hold gaze for the longest time, his eyes caressing me and filling with tears again.

“I thought you were gone,” he whispers, his chin shaking. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Not likely.”

            He bends down to kiss my brow and buries his face in my shoulder, crying for good. His entire body shakes and a lump forms in my throat, making it even harder to breathe, as I squeeze his hand and weakly brush his cheek with mine, whispering near his ear, “I’m here. I’m right here. I’m alright.” But he won’t stop crying, repeating that he thought I was gone, and I close my eyes, trying to hold back my own tears, and I keep telling him that I’m not going anywhere.

            We stay like this, him crying in my pillow and me trying to reassure him, and while I still can’t feel the rest of my body, all I can focus on are things that ground me to the present: the scent of his perfume, his tears still rolling on my skin, his sobs that break my heart, and the way his barely-prickly cheek brushes mine. I lose track of time, nothing outside our approximate embrace existing, until I sense a slight pressure on my other hand and remember Alice.

“I’ll go get Jo,” she tells me and again, I close my eyes briefly in order to nod. The door closes behind her and I frown, trying to mobilize my now-free hand to reach out to Kai, but it just won’t move. Dude, I must have been on some serious painkillers. I don’t even properly remember whatever happened. I keep getting flashes of the wedding, and then Alice was at the Salvatore house… It’s all a blurry mess, and when he calms down, I’m going to need some answers.

            As his sobs quiet, he lifts his face to me, watching me as if he’d never thought that he could lose me, has if it had never occurred to him, and that both fills my heart with warmth and breaks it; I hate those tears.

“You scared me,” he whispers, resting his brow on mine and brushing my nose with his.

“Sorry.”

“Just– Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it. You’re not allowed to die; ever.”

“Alright,” I say, unable to fight a smile, “I won’t.” He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, another tear escaping him as he holds on to my hand. Whatever happened, he must have been really scared for my life. I mean… are we in a hospital? Hm. I don’t remember that.

            The door opens and Jo walks up to us, offering me a heartwarming smile, and I’m too much in a blur to notice the serious relief in her eyes.

“Look who’s awake,” she tells me in a soft voice as she reaches the free side of the bed, giving a brief glance at her twin. She checks my vitals on a screen, makes sure my IV is in place, and asks me, “How are you feeling?” I frown, trying to actually map my body. “Any pains?” she asks.

“Not really. Can’t feel my body entirely. Chest hurts and– Oh. Right. Light is missing.” That’s why it’s a bit difficult to breathe. “My head spins. Or… pounds.” Kai brushes my wrist with his thumb, encouraging and soothing.

“Okay. Well, you’re healed now; the vampire blood cured you, so I’m gonna decrease your painkillers; you should feel better in the morning.” I slightly nod before reporting my attention on Kai, who hasn’t left me out of his sight for a second. “I’m gonna tell the others to go home; Kai, are you staying?” My witch nods and his sister heads out, leaving us to gaze at each other.

 

***

 

Alice watches silently, lost in thoughts. Before her, the pane allows her a peek in Andy’s hospital room. Her cold, brown gaze is absorbed with the sight of her sister sleeping peacefully, and of the man who is lying beside her, holding her in his arms. Of course, there is no denying it anymore, which makes it even worse.

That after all the secrecy they had to go through since last summer, Andy still went ahead and made an illicit alliance with a witch was bad enough, but _this_? It’s not even like their dad’s illegal friendship with Joshua Parker, _this_ goes beyond anything she would have imagined. And a murderer for God’s sake! He may have been accepted by these supernaturals, but if anything, it proves how balanced their sense of ethics must be. What is _wrong_ with Andy?

The stream of her thoughts is interrupted when she senses someone walking up to her; she turns her head to see Jo Saltzman in a white blouse, holding two hot cups of coffee.

“Hi.”

“Morning.”

“I didn’t hear you leave the house.”

“I woke up early. I wanted to check on her.”

Jo nods, handing her a plastic cup and keeping one for herself.

“I swung by the cafeteria on my way up; I thought I’d find you here.” Alice stares for a second too long before accepting the beverage, still not comfortable with the idea that all these people know who and what she is. She’s used to blending into the shadows to observe, not to stand on the front stage with supernaturals. And once more, she can’t help bitter resentment take over her at the thought of all the information Andy has shared with them; centuries of clan secrets that she spilled to these weak, incompetent clowns, and for what? For the pretty eyes of a criminal.

            She takes a silent sip before reporting her attention to the large pane, remembering how Jo came to her last night, how they stood in this very spot after she was done checking up on Andy:

_“I saw you on the phone. Was that your dad?”_

_“They had to know Andy’s awake.”_

_“Look, it’s been a very long night for a lot of people. Everybody’s heading home–”_

_“I’m staying here.”_

_“I’m just saying, you might need to recharge after using your powers all night.”_

_Alice clenches her jaw. She can feel it of course, the need to rest, this fatigue that urges her to lie down and get some sleep, but she won’t leave Andy alone. “Kai is staying with her; she’s not going anywhere.” Alice stiffens at her words._

_“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she replies, keeping her voice neutral._

_“Trust me,” Jo says, giving her the shadow of a knowing smile, “he won’ let anything happen to her.” Alice doesn’t say anything, watching through the pane how intimately close they are, brow to brow, exchanging tender looks and relieved caresses, like there’s only them in the world. “If you don’t have anywhere to go, Alaric and I have a spare room.”_

_“You don’t know me.”_

_“True. But I don’t need to know you. You’re Andy’s sister; you’re family.”_

            Jo’s voice calls her back to the present, “I’m gonna have to wake them up.”

Good. Just get him away from her already.

“I thought you didn’t work here.”

“That’s true, but I’m still a doctor. I had Damon compel the chief to grant me privilege here. I’ll be taking care of her; that way we won’t have to explain how her wound magically disappeared.” Alice nods. “I’ll have to put the blinds down when I help her wash.” Alice nods again, and Jo enters the room.

            The Lightbringer watches her wake Andy and the witch, exchanging a few words with them. She then nods to a backpack she left near the door, and since the Gemini grabs it after pressing a long kiss to Andy’s forehead, Alice understands his sister must have put some fresh clothes for him in it. He leaves the room, heading to a bathroom reserved to medical staff that he discreetly unlocks using magic and Jo puts the blinds down, cutting Alice’s only access to what happens in that room.

            She draws in a deep breath, reminding herself that all she witnessed yesterday leads her to believe that Andy is in no danger with the former witch; she’s safe. Alice sits down on the nearest chair and waits, absent-mindedly staring at the wall, trying to think about how she’s going to fix this entire mess. She only comes back to reality when the witch leader walks out of the staff bathroom, his hair still somewhat wet, and walks up to her since the only other chairs near Andy’s room are next to hers.

            Leaving an empty chair between them, he sits down without a word and closes his eyes, letting out a weary sigh. Alice watches him sideways, looking past the tired lines of his face, trying to determine whether his good looks and his put-together, well-groomed style could be enough for Andy to actually fall for him and forget that he killed half of his family in one night. Although, he obviously cares for her, and Andy is not the only one who seems willing to move past his particular appetite for murder: his sisters don’t seem to fear him, and what he told Joshua last night about lies… This is beyond her.

“How did she sleep?” She hates that she has to ask him, but Andy’s health comes first. The witch doesn’t look at her either.

“Pretty well.”

“How’s her breathing?”

“Slightly better.” He rubs his eyes. “When is Jared supposed to land?”

“He’s not coming.”

“What?” His head spins to her, his eyes scanning her face. “What do you mean ‘he’s not coming’?”

“You’re not deaf, are you?” His gaze instantly hardens and she sighs. “He and my dad wanted to come, but since Andy’s awake and out of danger now, I told them to stay away.” Kai snorts in disbelief and shakes his head to himself; Alice clenches her jaw. “Would you rather I let them come and draw our elders’ attention on whatever is going on here?”

“So we’re left to deal with only you,” he retorts, “that’s just perfect.”

“You were expecting a special treatment from Jared, I presume.”

“Not a special treatment, but a fair one. I don’t know you, I don’t trust you, and after the situation you put us in, that’s not likely to change.”

“The situation _I_ put you in? Do you have any idea how many laws–”

“There she is; the all-mighty head of the Lightbringers and her legendary love for rules and clear, uncrossable lines.”

“Cause your own way to go about life is so much better. You’ll excuse me if my favorite sport doesn’t involve sibling-murder.”

“Could have fooled me.”  They share a venomous look before going back to staring at the wall ahead of them.

“I can’t believe she went astray for someone like you,” she whispers to herself after a moment.

“She didn’t go astray _for_ me.”

“Uh, what do you call all this?”

“You don’t know anything–”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Just– hear her out before making assumptions–”

“ _Please_ , I’m not blind, so stop treating me like an idiot. I’m not interested in hearing however you two fell in love against all odds and decided to go all Romeo and Juliet; any idea how it ended for them?”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Like I care. She’s a witch hunter and you’re a wanted witch. She should have killed you when she got the chance instead of betraying the clan. For all I know she might have even helped you become leader so no one could kill you.” This very thought sickens her. How could Andy do something like that?

He shakes his head to himself, brushing a hand in the back of his neck.

“It wasn’t for me. She would _never_ betray her family for some guy, especially not someone like me. I came about _way_ after it all began, and she hated me.”

“So you’re saying her betrayal goes way back; that’s just wonderful.”

“Will you _stop_ saying that?” he snaps. “She didn’t _betray_ your clan, okay? She had a choice to make, and it went against your orders, and had she felt like she could trust you to at least listen to her, none of this would have happened.”

“So it’s going to be my fault now?” she spits.

“Well, seeing how you just react and tear Lights off before asking, yeah, I’m gonna say it’s partly your fault.”

            Alice shoots him a look and clenches her jaw; she shall not speak further with him, he is obviously a manipulator. Kai brushes his face and shakes his head again.

“This is not gonna work,” he says. “You won’t listen to us.” He turns his face to her, staring at her for a long time as he thinks, before rising to his feet and telling her to follow him.

“I’m not going anywhere alone with you.”

            Kai stops and exhales wearily before turning around, his face now displaying a fake, polite smile to mask his impatience.

“Look, in case that’s still not clear to you: you’re Andy’s sister and she loves you. I have no interest in harming you. Besides, we have a secret alliance going on, and Jar would kick my butt himself if I so much as succumbed to the growing need to punch you, so stop being childish and come with me.”

            Alice thoroughly glares at him before standing up and following him into an empty on-call room. The Gemini walks past the three beds and makes for the narrow table, sitting down and motioning her to have the chair across from him.

“You wanna know why Andy broke your stupid rules?” he asks, taking the mysterious chain from under his shirt and showing her the ring before setting it on the table. “This is why,” he says, pointing at it. “ _This_ is the only reason why she would _ever_ disobey you and your beloved elders.”

“A ring,” she states, folding her arms.

“Not just a ring,” he objects, taking it and holding his other hand out for her to take. Alice arches an unimpressed brow. “You wanna know the truth or not?”

            A silence ensues, during which Alice gauges the man sitting before her, assessing everything she knows of him and what she’s observed so far. She doesn’t want him to fool her, but she did see how devastated he was to see Andy so close to death. And even if he were to try and harm her, she is just as powerful as he is, if not more. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he adds, his grayish-blue eyes piercing hers with honesty, “so you might as well see it for yourself.”

            Alice’s chin rises slightly before she takes the witch’s hand, her impassive gaze locked on his.


	70. Chapter 70

Seventy

 

            The witch begins chanting this spell that he knows by heart, given that he’s been using it so much ever since the first time. When Alice opens her eyes again, the light has changed, as if she were seeing everything through a reddish filter; she is fairly aware that her body is still sitting in an on-call room at the hospital; only her spirit travelled to… wherever it travelled.

She lets go of the witch’s hand and looks around, internally frowning. A wide space of greenery surrounds them, though she can’t seem to make out anything beyond a few feet’s perimeter; nothing except the spacious house that stands before them.

“Where are we?” she asks.

“We’re inside the ring.”

            She shoots him a look. “I figured. I mean… _where_ are we?”

“I have no idea. It’s not my family house, and it doesn’t seem to be yours either. It just keeps reappearing every time we come.” He shrugs, looking around. “I guess we’ll never know.” He takes a few steps toward the house and stops before the door. “You coming?”

            Alice reluctantly follows and stops beside him. “Go ahead, ring the doorbell.”

“Why me?”

“ _God_ , can you be suspicious,” he complains.

“Can you blame me?” she mutters.

“Just– ring the doorbell, Alice. What do you have to lose?”

            Alice exhales, disliking very much that she is not the one in control of the situation. She gives him a very unhappy look before taking a step forward, ringing the doorbell, and stepping back. The witch rolls his eyes, almost amused, and they wait about half a minute before the front door opens and Alice’s face falls.

“Mom?”

            The woman facing them, older and yet still young, looks a lot like Alice. Her features are softer and the leader is leaner, but her long, thick hair is the same dark brown, whereas Andy’s is lighter, and they have the same eyes, which are currently expressing a wide surprise.

“Alice,” she whispers, the lines of her face softening even more. A second of inaction goes by before the daughter fills the distance separating her from her mother and wraps her arms around her. The closest to human he’s seen her so far, Kai thinks, trying to ignore the painful emptiness throbbing in his chest at this sight.

“You’re here. You’re real.”

“My sweetheart,” Laura lets out with a moved smile. “Let me look at you. Oh, you’re beautiful, my love.”

“I don’t understand,” Alice says in a shaking voice.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m not sure.”

            That is when both Alice and her mother remember Kai’s existence.

“Hi, Mrs. Moreau,” he says with caution.

“Kai… why isn’t Andrea with you?” Laura inquires in a rather gentle voice, still holding her eldest daughter in her arms. “Has something happened?”

“She’s fine,” he immediately reassures her. “She’s– she’s gonna be fine.”

            Their heads spin towards the staircase when hearing footsteps.

“Hey, Mrs. M,” a male voice calls, “I heard the bell ring; are they back yet?” The blond-haired, blond-bearded young man stops in the stairs when seeing the and his entire face lights up at the sight of the Gemini leader. “Kai!” he grins, filling the distance between them in a few strides.

“Hi, little brother,” Kai says, a truly happy smile lighting his features.

            The younger Parker grabs his brother for a brief embrace, and when they take a step back, the eldest seems genuinely moved by the spontaneity of his gesture, a spontaneity that reminds him of how Luke used to run for his arms when he was a child, one that touches him beyond words. He opens his mouth, voiceless, and eventually says, “You look well.”

“And you look terrible. Aren’t you supposed to be the one of us who’s alive? Cause you certainly don’t look like it.” Kai happily chuckles at that, looking at his brother with so much unfiltered love that even Laura Moreau cracks a smile. He brushes an affectionate hand on the younger’s cheek, saying, “Thanks. It’s been a long week.”

“Yeah, I heard. So, where’s Dee? Is she feeling any better with her… breathing-with-no-Light thing?” Kai opens his mouth but catches himself, tilting his head.

“She’s… healthy enough, I’d say?”

“You don’t sound so sure,” the younger one winces.

“She’s fine. She’s with Jo. And before you ask, Liv is fine, and Jo’s twinsies are doing great.”

The shorter one nods, patting his brother’s shoulder with affection, before turning an inquiring glance to the newcomer.

“And who do we have here?”

“Lucas,” Kai says, “meet Andy’s big sister.” Luke’s eyes widen in surprise.

“You’re Alice?”

The young woman cautiously nods, taking in the genuine smile he offers her. “I’ve heard so much about you! I mean, not a lot of clan-stuff obviously, just– you know, sister-stuff.”

“You’re Luke Parker?” she asks with a slight frown.

“The one and only,” he smiles before tilting his head. “Not sure why you’re here, though. Aren’t you supposed to be super mad at everybody right now?”

“Oh, she is,” Kai assures him.

“Then what is she doing here?”

“Well, you wanted to help Andy explain your mess and I figured Mrs. Moreau would like to see her, so… You three have fun talking and… I’m gonna go sit on this very comfortable couch and rest my eyes for a little while.” He gives a slight squeeze to Luke’s arm before heading to said couch and wearily dropping on it. Lucas watches him close his eyes and rub his temples, frowning.

“Kai?”

“Hm-mm?”

“You sure you’re alright?”

“I’m good, don’t worry about me.”

            Lucas chews on his lip before turning back to Alice.

“Okay,” he says, “let’s talk.” Alice slightly frowns at his warm and welcoming tone but seeing her mother’s fond smile when looking at him, she keeps her doubts to herself and follows them to the living space. The younger Parker sits down next to his brother, leaving Laura and Alice to sit on the other couch across from them. They are still holding hands and Alice keeps glancing at her mother, as if to make sure she were still there, while Laura simply gazes at her with unfiltered love and admiration.

“Who wants something to drink?” Luke happily asks. “Mrs. M?”

“A green tea sounds great; thank you, Lucas.”

“Sure; Alice?”

“Uh– same?”

“Okay, two greenies. Brother?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Check this out,” he rejoices, closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and grinning at the beverages freshly appeared on the coffee table. Kai scoffs.

“Showoff.”

“Jealous.”

“Baby.”

“Loony.”

“Low.”

“Boys,” Laura gently calls. “Alice didn’t come here to hear you pick on each other.”

“Sorry, Mrs. M.”

“Sorry.”

“So,” Lucas says, grabbing his glass of lemonade, “I’m guessing you have a couple questions.”

“Uh… yeah. Like… what is going on here?”

“Right. This place is where I keep– or… used to keep, ‘cause I’m obviously not in charge anymore, your dead ancestors so that they wouldn’t disappear with the Other Side.”

“What?”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m not following,” Alice says, turning a confused face to her mother.

“Andy went against your orders and asked Luke to save them,” Kai explains, his head now laying back on the cushion, his eyes still closed. “That’s how she ‘went astray’ and drafted an alliance with our coven in the first place; she did it to save your mom.”

“Are you telling the story, or am I?” Lucas fake-reproaches.

“Sorry; your story.”

“Thanks. So… what he said.”

            Alice arches a skeptical brow, processing the news, and Luke takes another sip before explaining, “You remember when things got bad with the Travelers last year? Well, Andy wanted to help and you didn’t – thanks for that, by the way – and when she got to the cemetery that day, she didn’t exactly hear about our plan by eavesdropping like she told you; she asked me. And before you get mad, I was dead, so technically she didn’t break any law ‘cause I’m pretty sure that the no-telling-the-secret thing only applies to the living.”

“You were dead,” Alice repeats with skepticism; Luke nods. “But that was May of last year. Andy only told me about your death in January.” If they are trying to explain, it is seriously not starting well.

“Oh, no, I did die last January too. For real this time. No loophole to bring me back.”

            She indeed remembers they were planning to kill all the Travelers at once and use their deaths as a sacrifice that would bring the ‘Mystic gang’ back to life.

“The only difference with what you heard at her audition is that she asked me to save your ancestors’ spirits from going down with the Other Side, so I did. That’s all. She wasn’t planning some big, bad betrayal to overthrow your clan hierarchy or whatever; she made a heartfelt decision based on the three seconds and a half that she had to think, and she chose to save people she cared about.”

            Alice squeezes her mother’s hand, all the while remaining impassive and stern. She cannot let herself be overwhelmed with relief and gratitude and pride and love and _gratitude_ towards Andy; her sister’s actions are very serious clanwise, she needs to assess the situation as rationally as she can.

“Anyway, she took her step back and let us do our thing, which is basically _her_ thing, so you should be proud of her on that one.”

She gives him a look, not convinced, but Laura encourages her to hear Lucas until the end, and so she does.

“After that, I was alive and I had a couple questions for her. Like, ‘what are you? Are you here to kill everybody?’ The usual, really. She only gave me the minimum to ensure I wouldn’t alert my dad, ‘cause he would probably have alerted you and then who knows what would have happened to your ancestors? I mean, they were magically locked in my ring and there was no setting them free without building a new Other Side first; and there was no trying to do that as long as I wasn’t leader, so… she was stuck with me. And she was not that happy about it. She went back for her auditions with your elders, and she was already feeling awful for losing Bonnie and disobeying you… she didn’t want to lose her chance to save your dead family from oblivion as well, so we kept it a secret.”

“You seem to know quite a lot about what she felt and wanted,” Alice mutters.

He gives her a gentle smile. “I’ll come to that. So, we were walking on eggs, and that’s when we heard about our dads being illegally friends and allies for all these years, and… I mean, we weren’t exactly friends yet, we were okay, and we needed each other, but we had never thought of… you know, doing anything like they did. But then… time went by and we built our own relationship based on trust, and it went both ways: we wouldn’t share clan or coven intel, because regardless of what you think, we both have a sense of loyalty towards clan and coven, hence the saving-our-family-no-matter-what motto. We were just trying to figure things out and our dads’ alliance started making more and more sense.”

A pause ensues, during which Luke lets her digest the information, and Alice frowns, confused.

“Like, if we could establish a real trust between Lightbringers and coven leaders… we could all work together on taking out evil witches and looking after one another. We thought that in time, we could make the world… safer. Better. We didn’t need to be enemies, we could be allies and make a difference. For real.”

Alice doesn’t say anything, watching intently his nostalgic smile and the way his eyes shine; he really believed in this ideal.

“In the meantime, she couldn’t exactly talk to you about all this, and… Liv was going through a hard time; Andy and I got closer. We were working together and fighting together and brainstorming and partying and… talking about guys.” He smiles at the ground and shakes his head to himself, while Alice frowns, her gaze going from him to his brother.

“Wait, were you two–”

“Oh, God no,” Luke chuckles. “I mean we _literally_ talked about guys. She would have crushed Jason for breaking my heart, and I would constantly pick on her about Eric, or Steven, or–”

“Alright,” Kai interrupts him, “moving on.”

“Uh-oh, someone is jealous.”

“ _Please_. I’m way cuter than Steven.”

“Have you met Eric though? Cause he’s hot.”

“Your point?”

“Oh, come on,” Luke nudges him, his smile growing. “I never got to tease you about girls.”

“And you’ll never get to; on with your story.”

“You’re just so adorable,” he mocks.  

“Lucas,” Laura intervenes calmly. “Leave your brother alone.”

“Fine; so… Dee and I got close, basically building our own illegal friendship, and the plan was _not_ to mess things up, but to discreetly wait for me to become leader.”

            His smile wears off and Kai straightens up, resting his elbows on his knees and fiddling with his rings. Alice senses the shift in the atmosphere, this subtle change from brotherly-bickering to heaviness.

“But you didn’t become leader,” she states to break the silence. “You died.”

“Ouch. I know.”

“I’m so sorry.” Kai’s voice is only a whisper, but faces turn to him nonetheless. His eyes are closed and he looks like he is going to cry all over again. What’s wrong with him? No one told her Big-bad-socio was such a weeper.

“Hey,” Lucas says in a gentle voice, reaching for him, “it’s not your fault, I know that now.”

            The Gemini leader shakes his head to himself, pressing his thumbs to his eyes. “I got to know you, Kai; the real you. And I love you, you hear me? I _love_ that I got to spend so much time knowing my brother; and if me dying was the price for all this, if it was the price for our sisters and our family to be safe and for you to be at peace, then it was worth it. _You_ are worth it.”

            Kai holds on to his brother’s hand on his arm, and Luke turns back to Alice.

“When Kai got out of his prison world, I know you told Andy to…” He trails off.

“To kill me,” his brother fills in with a slight smile. “You can say it; I tried to kill her too, so…”

“You _what_?” Alice snaps.

“I mean, I couldn’t feel anything and she was standing in my way, what was I supposed to do?”

“ _Not_ kill her?” she offers, making it sound obvious.

“I wasn’t there yet,” he jokes. “Though I must say I _did_ consider letting her live, this… beautiful, deadly girl.” Laura’s smile discreetly stretches.

“You’re drooling,” Luke mocks, and his brother nudges him. “Yeah, so, again, Andy was very intent on obeying your orders, except… I asked her to let Kai live when she had the opportunity to kill him. I know, you can be mad at me on this one, ‘cause it’s _definitely_ my fault. The thing is, I wasn’t very kin on merging with Liv anymore, I didn’t want her to die, honestly. And now Kai and Jo were back, and though we kinda knew it was a terrible idea, we were holding on to the hope that they could merge and we could live, and… yeah, I asked Dee to let us deal with him. Which, you know, was not totally bad clanwise ‘cause she was not interfering.”

“Not interfering is kind of a constant policy,” Alice sternly says. “You don’t just break the law and then duct tape it back together.”

“You’re hard work,” Lucas says in blunt honesty. “I kinda get why she didn’t tell you any of this.”

“Tell me about it,” Kai mutters, earning a look from Alice.

“Boys,” Laura calls again, “Alice didn’t come here so you two could pick on her.” Both Parkers incline their heads in the same gesture of apology, which makes them look very much like two normal brothers, but this time Alice gives her mother a look of disbelief. How come she talks to them with such familiarity and… affection?

“Anyway, a crisis occurred and I found myself merging with Kai in order to protect my sisters.”

“But you’re not twins,” she frowns.

“Not from the same set, but we share the same parents, the same bloodline, and we were the same age, so I merged with him. And I lost.”

“I’m sorry.” Kai’s voice is no louder than a whisper.

“I know.”

            Alice skeptical gaze lands once more on Luke’s hand resting on his brother’s wrist.

“I don’t get it. You two _merged_ , meaning you died because of him. I mean– he tried to kill you when you were a child, he killed pretty much your entire family, how come you two are…” She gestures to them, and while Kai lowers his gaze again, Luke takes a deep breath.

“When Gemini twins merge, we don’t just fuse our powers and our lives, we literally fuse all of our strengths, and… apparently, one of my strengths was my empathy.” Alice arches a brow but he doesn’t let her interrupt him, “Being able to actually feel emotions again is what pierced through Kai’s spell and finally broke it.”

“What spell?” Silence falls and Luke turns a compassionate eye to his brother.

“Let’s just say that I… wasn’t the most cherished kid in my family,” Kai says, suddenly absorbed with his rings. “Everybody in my coven hates or fears siphoners, and… well, I’m starting to understand why, but, um… It was pretty hard, growing up. The way my parents looked at me just… hurt. So I had the non-so-brilliant idea to cast a spell that was supposed to lock my feelings away for a small amount of time, just to– you know, not hurt.”

            Alice’s face falls; what she is hearing is starting to make an awful lot of sense and she cannot bring herself to her usual neutrality.

“Kai never meant to harm any of us,” Lucas resumes slowly. “But when the spell didn’t work as planned, his emotions were gone and he just… began killing anyone who would get in the way of what he wanted most.”

“To become leader?”

“To have a rightful place in our family.” Alice and Lucas hold gaze for some time, as he lets his words sink in.

“After the merge,” Kai says with more determination and confidence, “Andy’s world fell apart and she couldn’t… tell you about it because you’d be mad at her for being friends with a witch in the first place.” The Lightbringer purses her lips, accepting the cut his words make deep into her heart. Looks like Andy isn’t the only one running for crappiest sister of the year. “Lucas wasn’t there to be her friend anymore, he wasn’t there to be her ally either and… she was left with your ancestors in this ring and she had no way to set them free and all of a sudden it felt like she’d gone astray for nothing. But she still wanted to fix it so badly; Lucas had come back to life once, there was no reason for him not to come back a second time.”

Oh, he is good. The way he talks about her, the way his eyes fill with tenderness and honesty when advocating for Andy does strike a chord, although she makes a point not to show it.

“…So she started looking for a way to bring him back, she even tried to enlist _me_ of all people. She went back to monitoring all the witches she had left while trying to fix the situation, knowing that as soon as you’d know what happened, you’d suspend her and she’d lose her friend and her ancestors all over again.”

“She didn’t want to lie to you in the first place,” Lucas assures. “Everything just… colluded to making it worse, you know.”

“All she wanted was to make things right before coming clean to you and accepting whatever punishment you had in store for her. But then the two of us got trapped in a prison world, you’ve heard about that. I was still… a monster in the eyes of everybody and, since I was leader of my coven, they couldn’t kill me, so Bonnie and Damon came up with this idea to trap me again and… Andy accidentally got locked too. That’s how she found out the truth about me and…”

He trails off and lowers his face, trying to keep this soft smile to himself. “Then Jared got to Mystic Falls and enlisted everybody to get her out, which they tried to do, and miserably failed.” His voice hardens and Alice slightly squints at him. “I got out but she didn’t, so then it was all about getting her back to the real world. Jared… was just as skeptical and suspicious as you at the beginning, but he got to assess me too, and then, when we got Andy back, he got to talk to her and… I’m not saying that he approved, but he was willing to understand what she’s been through and… he said he wouldn’t lie to you, that he would let you know that something was up, but that he would insist on letting Andy explain herself to you, ‘cause that’s important to her.”

            Alice nods, remembering how Jared kept saying that it was not his story to share.

“Jared and I agreed to maintain the old alliance. I gave him pretty much all he wanted to know, my plans for the coven, the guarantee that your secret existence would be kept, help when you’d need it… at this point, I just wanted to make sure you’d go soft on Andy when you found out, but she wasn’t ready to face you so we tried to stall and then… Well, among other things, you got here and started shooting before asking.”

            The clan leader exhales, taking in all the new information, assessing how it fits her own knowledge of the situation.

“Look, Alice,” Luke resumes, “I know Andy and I have made mistakes that put you in a not-so-good situation _vis à vis_ your elders, and I’m truly sorry about that, I am. But I won’t say I’m sorry we became friends. What we have, it’s one of the most important relationships of my life, and God knows it’s been a short one. So, if your mom is right about you and you actually _have_ a heart, how about you take in consideration an already-dead man’s last wish and find a way to forgive her?” He swallows, holding back tears, and she slightly nods, acknowledging his declaration.

            The atmosphere in the silent room is more relaxed now, and it is only interrupted when Kai lets out a moan of pain, the lines of his face distorting at this sudden headache. At once, Luke is reaching out to his brother, and Laura’s face is covered with concern. Even Alice lifts a brow.

“You okay?” Luke asks. Kai nods, swallowing, but he keeps his eyes shut and his brother’s concern only grows.

“You two have been here for too long,” Laura says.

“It’s fine,” Kai mutters. “I can hold longer.”

“I know you can,” she insists gently, “but even the most powerful of witches must know when to stop and rest. Let go, and don’t use your magic for a couple days.”

            The coven leader locks eyes with her, grateful that someone would ever let herself give him some motherly advice that sounds heartfelt; they haven’t spent that much time together, he knows she can’t actually like him or care for him, but the very fact that she makes the effort to give him this impression is enough. He gives her the best attempted smile he can manage at the moment, knowing all too well that this is the first time he finds himself comfortable enough with her to do that.

“I’ll let you say goodbye,” he says, glancing between the two woman before slowly rising to his feet and walking to the kitchen space in an unsteady step, assisted by his brother.

            After one last worried look at the witch, the sort of look only mothers can have when looking at a hurting child that isn’t theirs, she turns her full attention to her daughter, offering her a smile full of love and sadness.

“We don’t have much time, do we?” Alice whispers, incapable of tearing her eyes from her mother.

“No,” she answers sadly. “I wish I had more time to ask you about your life, about… this beautiful ring on your finger.”

“Jared,” Alice smiles.

“A smart boy; who knows what’s best for him.” They share a short laugh. “I know it’s not fair that we only got to talk about the clan but… I am so incredibly grateful for having a glimpse of you today. You are such a beautiful, strong, amazing woman, and I couldn’t be more proud.”

            Alice sniffs, chewing on her lip so as to keep her tears hidden, and brings her mother’s hand to her cheek.

“It’s hard without you.”

“It’s even harder without you,” Laura assures, her voice breaking as well. “Now, listen to me sweetheart, this is important. Do not take measures that you would end up regretting. Do not sacrifice your relationship with your sister to make a point, or to hurt her like she hurt you.” Alice looks away. “She wanted to save us,” Laura tells her in a soft voice. “All that she did, all of her… mistakes, she did it all out of love.”

“She still went out of her line. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that you’re here, I am… but she was second lieutenant; she had responsibilities towards the clan. I _trusted_ her.”

“I know, honey. And I’m not saying you should simply forgive and forget; she’ll have to earn your trust back, but what I’m saying is: she’s your sister and she made mistakes. Don’t be too hard on her.”

            Alice shakes her head powerlessly.

“But she won’t stop to that. What am I supposed to do about her non-so-evil boyfriend? He’s a witch. And a wanted one, at that. I mean… I heard his circumstances, I’m not heartless, but… he’s a witch. How could I _ever_ allow that?”

“Did you have a chance to see the way he looks at her?” Laura asks, the beginning of a smile tugging at her lips. Alice snorts.

“Yeah, I’ve seen. My concern for Andy was paling next to his.” She winces unhappily, repressing a shudder at the memory.

“He adores her.”

“It’s sickening.”

“It’s adorable,” Laura corrects. “And if Jared looks at you in the same way…” Alice looks up when she trails off, indignant at the idea that her mom would compare years of marriage and partnership to this… this… illegal, irresponsible whim. “Have you thought about the fact that you _are_ head of the clan but that you don’t actually get to interfere with Andy’s love life?”

“Do _not_ do that to me,” Alice says, trying to scowl. “She could bring next to _anyone_ home and I’d be hands down the happiest sister ever. But a _witch_ … I can’t just– turn a blind eye to this.”

“Well, don’t make hasty decisions.”

            Alice reluctantly nods and they stare for a moment before Laura pulls her in for a hug, and Alice closes her eyes, inhaling her scent of green tea and pines; the scent of home.

 

            When she opens her eyes again, Alice is facing Kai Parker, and they are both seated in an on-call room, in a hospital in Virginia. Her eyes are glued to the table as she tries to get a hold of her emotions, and she is wiping her tears with as much dignity as possible when the witch stands up, tucking the chain under his shirt, and says, “Take some time to process; I’ll go check on her.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Kai <3 I love these two together.


	71. Chapter 71

Seventy-one

 

“So what are you guys gonna do?” I ask

“Well,” Jo says, focusing on folding the towel, “there isn’t much we can do. According to my dad, moving the twins again would present risks, and they’ve been through enough of that already, so we’re going to let them grow in Caroline’s womb and be glad that they are alive.”

            I gently reach for her wrist, waiting for her to look up to me. She is strong and determined, she doesn’t want to cry, but tears aren’t far.

“Of course you’re glad that they’re alive and well, we all are. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be sad about a surrogacy you didn’t choose. Nothing about this situation is easy.” She manages the saddest smile and once more, I wish I could leave this hospital bed, only to be able to hug her. Being forced to lie down is starting to feel a lot like I’m imprisoned in my own body, and I need to not think of it like that, otherwise I’m going to become claustrophobic. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise.”

“What promise?”

“I said I wouldn’t let your special day go anywhere near messy–”

“Andy,” she calls more firmly, her face softening nonetheless, “you need to stop feeling guilty for anything bad that happens and that you can’t prevent. You’re only human – partly – you can’t be everywhere, and you can’t save everybody. You fought the threat while I was not even capable of protecting my children or run for our lives. A lot of us got to live because you were here to help, so I don’t want you to beat yourself up. Am I clear?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, whom?”

“Yes, doctor.” She instantly smiles at me, soft and loving, and I squeeze her wrist, so grateful that she is here with me. “Thank you.”

“What are friends for?”

“I’m pretty sure they’re not for helping you wash and brush your teeth,” I wince, which makes her laugh.

“Well, if you want to thank me for that, you can offer me a bottle of champagne, once you’re back on your feet, and we’ll drink it all in one night.”

“Deal.” We share a smile and look up at the same time to see Kai leaning against the doorframe. His arms are folded and I don’t see right away how tired, pale and sad he looks; all I can see at this moment is the devotion in his eyes.

“I’ll go find somewhere to be,” Jo says easily before zipping the bag she brought for me and leaving the room. A silence ensues, but it’s not tense or loaded with concern, it’s peaceful and it feels like I can recharge and gather strengths from it.

            My witch walks up to me, pulling a chair and sitting down next to me.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, taking my hand.

“Clean?” I offer, and he chuckles. “Fresh. I just wish I could go jog in the woods.”

His smile wears off and he briefly lowers his face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” he whispers. I squeeze his hand tighter, starting to understand how Jo was feeling when I took the blame for what happened at her wedding.

“Do not go down that road,” I tell him. “Your coven needed you and you couldn’t have known.”

            He closes his eyes, shaking his head.

“I put the coven first and you suffered for it. I’m just like him.”

“Listen to me very carefully, Parker. You are not your father. Lots of shitty things happen here and a very wise person recently told me that you can’t feel guilty whenever something bad happens and you can’t prevent it. I know you do your best, and I’m very proud of you.”

“You almost _died_.”

“I know. But I didn’t. Because I got one hell of a crew that wouldn’t let me go and who went to face dangerous heretics to save me. And I came back to you, I always will.”

            He swallows hard, closing his eyes and kissing the palm of my hand. He told me what happened before I went to sleep last night, and I remember most of it now, although I can’t seem to remember the moment this Malcolm guy attacked me; I know he truly feared for my life, I know they all did, but I am here, and I cannot wait to put this behind us. “Is your dad gone back to Portland?”

            He nods.

“Enzo and Tyler told everybody about my… deal with the heretic girl, Valerie. You made it, so we’ll be leaving them alone.”

“But Malcolm died. Damon killed him.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I’m guessing they won’t be so glad about that but… if they know what’s best for them, they won’t make a move. Especially now that the captain of the witch police holds a grudge.”

“Tell me you did not call her that,” I say, closing my eyes but unable to hold a smile.

“It was _really_ hard not to,” he assures me. “She’s crazy pants, your sister. Stefan said she grabbed Beau by his throat and tossed him to the ground. Like… unimpressed.”

“That’s her thing. You should see her fight, she’s so strong… She’s our leader; she’s stronger than all of us. And she’s got my dad’s Light, and mine. She’s unstoppable.”

“Now I really itch to stop her.”

“ _Do not_ fall on her bad side. She doesn’t like you already, I don’t want her to gut you.”

“She knows I’m leader.”

“Accidents happen.” He laughs again and I revel in that sound. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” he says more seriously, scanning my face, taking me in.

“Me too.” I smile and muster some courage, “Hey, I don’t want to sound like I’m using you or anything–”

“You are very free to use me, officer,” he jokes and I roll my eyes, grinning nonetheless.

“Just– I know I’m healed thanks to the vampire blood and all of the healing spells you guys performed on me but, um… My Light it still gone and it’s gonna take a few days before I can, you know, walk… so, I was wondering if you would let me go see my mom and Luke, while I’m stuck here. Please?”

“Actually your mom asked me to… slow down on magic for a couple days. She’s warming up to me and I wouldn’t want to ignore her request, to be honest, but… if you want to go, I’ll send you.”

            I don’t understand right away but slowly, as I finally take in his pale and weary face. Seeing how he’s always ready to offer his magic to help, especially me, he must be really worn out in order to say no to me. My heart skips a beat and I hold on tighter to his hand.

“It’ll wait. I’d rather you rest than join them for good.” He nods, and we hold gaze for a while, the both of us losing track of time.

When have I become this kind of girl? You know, the kind that just enjoys spending entire minutes watching a guy that makes eyes at you. A part of me is internally rolling her eyes at all this fluff, but a bigger part of me, the cheesier part, is simply happy with this moment. “Kai?”

“Hm-hm?”

“Am I gonna have to beg you for a kiss?” I meant this as a joke, but a profound sadness briefly overtakes his features before he covers it with a playful smirk.

“Would you?”

“You’ll never know. Come here.” He leans in and presses a kiss to my lips, soft and short. “See? I feel better already.”

“Do you?”

“Hm-mm. I think a kissing therapy would help me get better.”

“Well then, I guess I am left with no choice.” He kisses me again and I manage to lift my hand to his cheek, brushing this five o’clock shadow I love, signaling him to continue, utterly happy when he complies, slowly and with a tenderness that ravages me and brings me peace. It reminds me of the night he came back from Portland and we made out on my bed, lazily, languidly, but the fact that I can barely move a muscle unfools me regarding the outcome of this make-out session. I can’t believe we still haven’t managed to get a room, it’s becoming ridiculous at this point.

            Although, I must say being stuck on this hospital bed is not that bad anymore. I could very well stay here and let him kiss me like that for the rest of my days.

You mad, pathetic woman.

You happy, enamored woman.

We only look up when hearing a knock on the door and see Alice standing in the doorway, appearing… _sorry_ to interrupt.

“Can we have a moment?” she requests, politely and not in a haughty tone. Who are you and what have you done with my stern-and-badass-in-any-circumstances leader?

“Depends,” Kai says rather lightly, though you can perceive the threat beneath. “Are you here to murder someone?” Alice only tilts her head; there she is, my dangerous, unbothered sister. My witch gauges her for a moment before turning his head to me. “What do you say, officer? Should I leave you alone to face this scary woman?”

            I purse my lips, torn between amusement and wanting to shove him for being so oblivious to the dangers of poking her.

“We should be fine.”

“Okay.” He presses another kiss to my mouth, a more urgent one, and then a softer one on my brow. “I won’t be far.”

            I nod and he finally rises, tearing his eyes from me and leaving the room, not forgetting to give Alice a long, mild glance that is basically a threat on his way out. She stands still until the door closes behind him and only then does she turn her face back to me, and here I see it: this beloved conniving look that is loaded with all of our childhood’s mischief.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I agreed to be the racetrack for a Derby competition.” She winces and walks up to me, taking the hand Kai was holding, and watching me with a different kind of devotion. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Are you very angry?”

“Yes,” she assures me with a soft smile. “But I must say you are making that quite difficult. You really got me scared here, Lil A.”

“Sorry.”

“Well, we wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t shot before asking, so… I guess you’re not the only one to make mistakes.”

“Speaking of which, there is a lot I need to–”

“It’s alright for now; your friend Luke did a rather good job explaining.” My face falls as her words register, and my heart start beating with hope like never before.

“Luke?” My eyes shoot to the pane, and it’s only when she squeezes my hand that my avid eyes land back on her saddened face.

“I met him in the ring.”

“Oh.” My head sinks into my pillow as I try to hold my tears. Of course she saw him in the ring. He’s dead. “Right. Of course.” She brushes my hand as I try to hide my disappointment.

“I saw Mom,” she smiles to cheer me up.

“You did?”

“Yes.” Her smile is so happy and sad at the same time, it breaks my heart.

“You were in the ring,” I suddenly realize. “How did you–”

“Kai took me to see them.”

“He did?”

She nods.

“It was rather smart, I have to give him that. Who better than Mom to make me walk away from a fight? He loves you very much.”

“I like to think that,” I smile. “Look, I’m glad that you saw Mom, and I’m glad Luke explained what happened but… I understand. Why you got mad and took my Light, I understand, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you, I– I’m sorry.”

“I guess what really hurt is that you didn’t trust me to understand how you felt.”

“Would you? Have understood and let do my thing?”

“Understood? Maybe. Let you? Hell, no. And though the clan leader in me does not want me to say it, the sister in me is pretty glad you saved Mom.”

“I’m sorry I hid it from you. I didn’t know how to come back to you after that, I.... You’re my sister and my leader and you put your trust in me and even though I was trying to save people, I know I betrayed that trust and broke a whole lot of rules and I know it won’t go unpunished and… it’s alright. You’re leader and… you gotta take sanctions; I understand that, and I accept it.”

“Well, I believe a revoked Light and a near-death experience are quite enough for now.”

            We share an approximate smile and I lower my eyes.

“Alice… I… don’t have my Light anymore, and I’m pretty sure you won’t be giving it back anytime soon–”

“That’s true,” she acknowledges.

“Again, I deserve that, I do, but… since I’m not a Lightbringer per se anymore, I don’t have to… head back with you and take clan orders from you.”

            I risk a look to see her chin rise as she understands where I’m going with that. And just like that, my sister’s face disappears, closing up and offering me her impassive, business-like, serious-leader face. I swallow and keep going. “Well, you know I didn’t want to watch witches forever…”

“I know, that’s why I gave you a mission set in a college.”

“Right. Again, thanks for that. But, um… when we– when Kai and Jared drafted the newest alliance with the Gemini, it included a clause saying that… Kai would get to choose his own Lightbringer, ‘cause he wants to work with someone he trusts, and… well, we were gonna ask for that someone to be me but since I’m not up to assessing anyone anymore, our– _his_ condition is very likely to change to me being released from any clan duties.”

            I monitor her reaction – or lack thereof – cautiously, trying to determine whether this silence is a good or a bad thing. She hates that such an important decision can be made without her and that she has next to no choice but to accept if she wants to keep a peaceful relationship with a coven that knows about us.

“Hm,” she lets out. “Of course, he would.” Ouch. Too polite and cheerful not to cover a sudden lust for blood.

“He’s trying to make me happy,” I say, reaching my free hand to our joined fingers. “And he does. He– I love him, and I’m going to stay here with him.”

            Alice stares at me for a moment, and I know she still hasn’t made up her mind yet when the sister in her gives me a smile.

“I haven’t heard you say that since Tommy.”

“I know. Haven’t felt it since Tommy.” I smile at her almost powerlessly, because there’s nothing I can do about it, and I don’t even want to do anything about it. “I love him. And what’s crazy is that I don’t have to… hide anything from him. There is this entire part of my life that I can share with him, like you and Jared share everything, and what we have… it’s more profound than any other relationship I ever had, you know. He’s grown to be my friend and my partner in crime and… that one person I want to come home to. He knows what I am and he’s not scared or repelled or intolerant–”

“Well, that would be ironic,” she mutters.

“Just– Please, don’t go all judgmental and extra-stern on him. He’s been through a lot and it’s hard enough.”

“You’re no fun. But I’ll consider it.”

“Thanks, Big A.” She sighs and brushes my forehead.

“How about we call home, now?”

 

            The rest of the day – and week – is basically people from my Mystic gang coming to visit me; first Damon and Elena, then Bonnie and Caroline, Liv and Tyler – so are these two back together or what? – , Stefan, Rick, each of them bringing their own stack of flowers, teddy bears, balloons and recovery cards from the shop downstairs. They don’t come all at once, and since Jo is the one to usher them in and out when their time is up, I’m starting to believe they each had to make an appointment with her so that I won’t have to handle too many people at once, which would be exhausting.

            I feel better. I can feel it in my lungs and in my bones that I am on the path to recovery, but I have to admit, the slightest movement still requires a ridiculous amount of effort. I know it’s going to take some time for my body to readjust but… wow. How did I used to live about and basically do stuff before I ever got my Light? I’m trying not to think about it too much because I didn’t just lose my supernatural sight and surplus: I also lost the physical condition I was in.

I loved doing sports, I loved going for a run and feeling all this energy buzzing in my body, it was exhilarating. And now my life goals are to feed on my own through an entire meal – which is not easy because my arms will just stop obeying me during the main course, and I hate that Jo has to feed me like a child, though she pretends it’s good training for her – and to stand up on my own and walk by the end of the week. Pretty ambitious, right?

            It also feels like the tensions are easing down a bit between my sister and… everybody else. Well, she mostly ignores all of them and remains silent whenever they’re here, cautiously assessing how they act towards me, and though sometimes I can tell the leader in her seriously dislikes seeing so many supernaturals around me, most of the time, she keeps this impassive look that makes it very hard for me to tell what she thinks. 

Jo doesn’t mind her; she simply does her thing, living her life and doing her job, and when she says something, or when she gives an order for medical purposes, like ‘alright, Andy needs to [fill in the blank] so everybody out’, there is this moment when I can see how Alice _hates_ being given orders, and both of them know very well that any fight would be more than strongly unbalanced, and regardless, Jo simply watches her with her own unbothered I’m-waiting-to-be-obeyed face, and Alice will oblige, and I cannot begin to tell how much amusement I secretly get out of this.

I do worry that she could pull Damon’s head off if he keeps being this insolent – and funny – to everybody including her, but she has been doing an incredible job at repressing the urge, and I’ll have to congratulate her for that. I have to mention Elena earns points every time she gives Damon this blasé and quit-shitting-around look that instantly turns him back into a docile lamb. They’re just so cute.

She doesn’t seem to find Liv annoying though, but then I have to say my friend has been surprisingly well-behaved when visiting me; no pouting, no bitching around, I’m impressed. Tyler’s presence might have something to do with it. Like, maybe she’s trying to be nice to– yeah, no, Liv’s not one to act nice for anyone’s sake.

I’m not sure yet whether she likes Caroline or dislikes her, in the sense that the vampire is very kind to me and cheerful, but she also talks a lot – especially when you get her and Kai in the same room, they will _never_ stop talking – and that alone has the ability to get on my sister’s nerves. Deep breaths, Alice. Not every one’s a silent loner like you.

She ignores Kai most of the time – well, they make a point to ignore each other, probably in order not to insult or punch each other – which might be the most tiring part of my stay in the hospital for them, especially since he next-to-never leaves my room. Again, I’ll have to praise her patience; she’s gained a lot. The only visitor for whom he’ll step out is Bonnie. She might not want to kill him anymore – well, that’s still up for debate – but we know he has caused her great pain and that she still isn’t comfortable when around him, so he’ll just quietly leave when she gets here. A silent gesture that she acknowledges with a discreet nod.

As for Alaric and Stefan, I think she likes them. Like… legitimately likes them. They are both calm and respectful, thoughtful and genuinely kind-hearted, and she doesn’t internally roll her eyes whenever one of them speaks. That’s a good point. Besides, Alaric is Jo’s husband, and I understand they have been having her to stay, which instantly earns them – if not friendship and warmth – respect and gratitude.

The only one I have not heard of is Enzo, which is… disappointing, I guess? Not that we’ve been friends for a long time, but I heard he was worried about me and he went after the heretics with Kai and… he knows that I’m awake now, because Damon and Kai told him and I’ve texted him, but I haven’t seen him. It’s alright, he’s probably busy doing stuff somewhere with people and, it’s fine, I mean he doesn’t owe me a visit or anything, so… Anyway, these few days of peace and quiet have been priceless, especially after all that we’ve been through in such a short amount of time. I’m glad there are just so many shoes that can drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 71 already? When did that happen? x)


	72. Chapter 72

Seventy-two

 

            I sleep a lot these days. I sleep during the night, of course, and I love that no one will get my witch to leave me – he’ll just climb into this narrow bed with me and hold me until Jo enters the room in the morning –, but I also sleep a lot during the day. I know my body requires a lot of energy to adapt and simply keep functioning without this magical third lung it’s been used to for the past decade, but it’s still awkwardly embarrassing when my friends visit me and I just fall asleep in the middle of a conversation, like the narcoleptic woman that I’m not. It’s not funny. It’s rude and disturbing and annoying. I do not like it.

            This time when I wake up, my room is nearly empty. I think Bonnie and Stefan were the last ones I saw, and I hope they didn’t take any offence. I can’t reach my phone, it’s resting on the meal tablet Jo put away in a corner of the room after lunch, but I’ll have to ask someone to hand me the device so I can text them. ‘Hey, sorry I fell asleep on you. Whatever you were saying, I was not bored, I was simply sucked into a magical nap by my recovering body. Sorry.’ Oh, yeah, I can picture it from here.

            I don’t know where Alice went – probably to get a coffee or walk around the building to get some exercise. We’re reaching the end of the afternoon, I can tell by the way the sunlight is turning this nice golden shade of orange before slowly decreasing, and the only one left here is my witch.

He wasn’t there when I fell asleep, because Bonnie was, and he must have come back at some point but I’m not sure his nap was planned either. He is currently seated in his usual chair next to me, his chest half-lying on my bed and his head resting on my covered belly, his face oriented toward mine. One of his hands is loosely holding mine – the one Alice usually holds – while I brush his cheek and his hair with my free hand, content, at peace. 

            Some color has been returning to his face, and I’m relieved to see he looks healthier than he did several days ago. I do worry about this growing habit of his to put his life at risk if it’ll save or help someone. Not that he would put his coven in jeopardy on purpose, but more like he is ready to give everything he has and is – magic, strengths, life – in order to make up for his past actions. He burns himself out without thinking twice about it, and I worry that one day, he’ll go too far and not recover. I exhale, brushing his cheek and hair, slowly, gently, and I push away the lump in my throat.

            There is also this profound sadness he doesn’t seem to shake. Sometimes, this pain will just break his entire face for a few seconds before he gets a hold of himself and offers me a reassuring smile that doesn’t fool me. I honestly can’t wait to be out of this hospital, because I’m sure that once we put this horror week behind us, it’ll be easier for him to breathe. I hope.

I am still pondering over the meaning of life – ‘cause thinking is obviously the only thing I can do while I’m here – when a well-known figure catches my attention through the pane. It doesn’t take Enzo three seconds to appear before me, leaning against the doorframe and taking in the scene.

“Is this bad timing?” he asks in this sassy tone I love. I hush him, lifting a finger to my lips – I mean, I can move my arm all the way to my face now, how cool is that? – and he nods, silently stepping in while Kai stirs in his sleep but doesn’t wake. I keep distractedly brushing his cheek with my knuckles as I turn to Enzo.

“I’m glad to see you,” I whisper and he keeps his voice as low.

“So am I.” He offers me this smile, and I slightly frown, because it is the same kind of smile that Kai gives me when he wants to put on a good face.

“What’s wrong?”

            He draws a deep breath, bracing himself, before saying, “I want to say that I’m very sorry about what happened. To everybody at the wedding and to you, I… am profoundly sorry.”

“Enzo, none of this is your fault.”

“It is. If I hadn’t told Lily about Quetsiyah’s blood, none of this would have happened.”

“That’s why you didn’t come to see me,” I understand.

“You were the first one to accept me, Andy. You basically decided to be my friend when no one else would. I am part of this group because of you, and my actions almost killed you.”

“Listen to me, you… you are part of this group because of you. Because no matter how many mistakes you, and I, and… all of us make, we choose to stick together when it matters most. And so do you.”

“I don’t stick with you,” he objects painfully. “I continuously go from one side to another and I– ”

“Only because there are people you care about on both of these sides,” I gently interrupt. “I mean, you have the queen of crossing the lines standing before you, or… lying, rather.”

            He almost cracks a smile and I continue, “You’re the one who told us about Lily trying to free the heretics on her own, and you helped with that. You chose to stick with us when Kai told everybody the truth about his feelings; you could have left, you could have decided that it was not your problem. I’m pretty sure you didn’t even care about him, but you chose to stay anyway.”

“Well, Damon was pissed, you looked stressed out and Jo didn’t look so happy.” He shrugs.

“That’s what I’m saying. You stayed. You listened and you defended Kai, and that means something to him, and to me. You could have left when Lily escaped, but you stayed and went to have a night with your friends.” He smirks at that but he doesn’t elaborate and I feel like I’ll never know what happened between these guys the night before the wedding; I heard from Elena they went to have a drink with Rick, and even though they didn’t become best friends overnight, the four of them seemed undeniably closer and united afterwards. “You could have left when the wedding went to hell, but you chose to stay and help, even afterwards at the hospital. You _are_ one of us, Enzo; never doubt that.” I hold his gaze until my point sinks in and he nods. “As to the reason why I’m here, if I hadn’t kept so many things from Alice, she wouldn’t have taken my Light – or at least, not in this crucial moment. I would have been standing with you at the funeral, and I would have been able to defend myself in case of an attack. You didn’t do this, Enzo. They did. And I’m responsible for putting myself in an unsafe position, you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

“How weird,” he bitterly jokes, “considering guilty is exactly how I feel.”

            Cautious not to wake Kai – who must still be very tired to keep sleeping through our hushed conversation, but then he _is_ a heavy sleeper – I free the hand I am not using to brush his cheek from his loose hold and stretch it to Enzo. My friend arches a skeptical brow at me.

“So first, you make me hug you and now you want to hold hands.”

“Shut up,” I smirk. “I’m on a hospital bed; humor me.”

            He rolls his eyes but complies, taking my hand in his and giving me a look charged with the same kind of friendly tenderness Luke would offer me. And it’s only fitting that I would think of him right now, since what I am about to say is something he once told me.

“I don’t hold you responsible for anything that happened, but if you do need to hear it, then I’ll say it. I forgive you. You are completely and unconditionally forgiven.”

            My friend swallows, saying nothing for a moment as his eyes fill with relief and gratitude. The lines of his face gradually lighten, until he gives me a smile that leads me to believe everything will be fine for him in the future. No matter how much crap he has to put up with, no matter how many enemies to fight, he’ll be with us and he’ll be fine. And it’s all that I wish for him.

 

*******

 

            I open my eyes and need to blink several times to realize I just woke up. These unexpected naps are becoming rare and rather short, but boy, do they annoy me! In my hospital room, now full of recovery clutter from the shop downstairs, everything is still and silent; peaceful. On one side of the bed, Alice is seated in her now usual chair. Her face is serious and focused, which is mostly shown by the slight frown she wears while reading these reports from other Lightbringers. Always working, always leading and making decisions. It’s not really a surprise that she would rely so much on the elders for our common rules when you think about it; she simply has so many hours each day, and she won’t spend them on determining what we should or should not be allowed to do. Alice is a woman of action, not a woman of politics and theoretical debates. She would have been one hell of a lieutenant.  

            I don’t need to turn my head to know that on the other side of my bed, on the very same chair he uses every single day, sits Kai. I know it because our fingers are still weaved together, and though he is deeply absorbed with his reading of _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ , his brow furrowed in concentration, he doesn’t forget to distractedly brush my fingers from time to time; a simple gesture, during a simple, quiet afternoon, that brings to my heart more happiness and warmth than I could tell.

            When I stroke his fingers with my thumb, my heart fills with love at the sight of his content smile.

“Are you watching me read?” he asks in a low voice that doesn’t break the comfortable silence in the room.

“No,” I say after a brief silence that totally gives me away.

“Creepy,” he mocks in a whisper. I chuckle and he finally looks up at me and offers me one of these smiles that make me want to haul him in a bedroom and keep him captive forever. Next to me, Alice doesn’t move, and though I am pretty sure she would love to be anywhere else but here right now, she can’t help but hear us.

“Do you enjoy it?” I ask.

“A lot,” he nods. “Hermione’s still my favorite character so far. She’s _so_ smart… She’s awesome.” 

            I smile, running a hand through his hair and brushing the back of his neck – I know he loves it when I do that; he closes his eyes and smiles, and you could expect him to purr like a happy cat – and he marks his page before turning fully to me and setting the book on the bed.

“Which house do you think you’d join?” I ask.

“Hm. I’m pretty sure the Sorting Hat would have sent me to Slytherin.”

            I scoff. “The Sorting Hat is very proud to know better than a spell; I think you’d make a good Ravenclaw.”

“Thank you,” he nods, appreciative. “I like Ravenclaws; they’re witty. And I hear blue’s my color.” I smile and he winks at me. “What about you?”

“I would have asked for Hufflepuf,” I say very seriously, which makes him laugh.

“Why am I not surprised?”

            I nudge the witch, smiling. “Shut up. Hufflepufs are cool.”

“I didn’t say the contrary, but _you_ are a hundred percent Gryffindor-material.”

“You think?” I mean, I’m not sure a true Gryffindor would have wept and freaked out the way I did back in 1903.

“Hm-mm. You’re brave, daring, incredibly chivalrous. And you’d totally outsmart Hermione.”

“Get out of here,” I scoff, rolling my eyes.

            Chuckling, he brings my fingers to his lips and kisses my knuckles, all the while looking at me with such mischief and playfulness that my body instantly heats up. You merciless devil, my vengeance shall be total and deliciously as merciless as this gesture.

“What about you, captain?” he suddenly asks, giving me a wink before looking at Alice.

            My sister doesn’t look up nor react right away, and by the way her jaw twitches, I can tell she is searching for the meaning of this ‘captain’ appellation, and though it doesn’t sound like an insult, she is much inclined to think that Kai doesn’t say that to be nice to her.

“Don’t do that,” I say, trying to hide my amusement behind a wall of sternness – and miserably failing.

“Do what?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh, come on, you like it when I’m sassy. You think it’s hot.”

            His playful grin only widens as I crush – or try to – his hand, which is, again, a failure, considering that I am not in full possession of my human strengths.

“ _Not_ another word,” I simply command and he rolls his eyes, going back to Alice.

“So? Do you have a house?”

            She slowly looks up and for a second, I think she contemplates at least seven different ways to injure him without actually putting his life at risk.

“Slytherin, obviously,” she states, the shadow of a smirk appearing at the corner of her lips.

“Exactly what I thought!” Kai innocently exclaims, and they share the fakest polite smile I have ever seen. If these two have to stay in the same room for longer, I think they’re each gonna start braiding the ropes they’ll use to hang the other.

“I’ll go stretch my legs,” Alice diplomatically tells me before standing up and leaving the room. Good call, Big A. Go punch a stone wall if you feel like you want to gut the love of my life.

“See? She’s warming up to me,” Kai happily comments once she’s gone.

            I tilt my head, my eyes narrowing with skepticism. “I wouldn’t see it like that.”

“Oh, come on. She’s said _two_ words to me today. If that isn’t progress, then I don’t know what you need.”

“What I need is for you to quit making jokes on her. She hates it, and she’s leader; she’s used to a certain amount of respect and deference.”

“Should I bow when her ladyship reenters the room, then?” he asks very seriously and I can’t help a smile.

“Please, don’t.”

“I mean, it’s basic etiquette,” he argues, perfectly faking innocence. “How could I refuse her the honors due to her station? But then, I _am_ leader as well, which makes us the same rank, and I was born before her, so… shouldn’t she bow to me first? I’ll suggest we do that, she’ll like it.”

            I can’t repress a laugh and he joins me; he has no idea how dangerously he lives. Or maybe he does.

 

*******

 

“Any day now,” I mock. Across from me, Alice and my mom lift their eyes to me as one; the former always so impassive, though I can tell she is very much focused on winning, and the latter addressing me an indulgent smile.

“Don’t be so impatient.”

I chew on my lip, trying not to roll my eyes – she hates that – and Alice finally picks up a red card, smirking.

“Alright,” she says, “I’m going with ‘family reunions’.”

“Yes!” Next to me, Luke clenches his fist in victory and grins.

“Seriously?” I say in disbelief. “You’re going with ‘family reunions’ for ‘risky’?”

“It’s funny,” she argues with a growing smile. “Funnier than ‘kittens’.”

“I honestly had nothing else,” my mom justifies.

“Hello,” I object, waving my card, “‘Bates Motel’ is riskier than family reunions.”

“Well, that’s your experience,” Luke scoffs. I give my friend a look, only to see him wink at my sister.

“Don’t mind her,” Alice tells him, “she doesn’t like losing.”

“I know,” he nods, and I nudge him. What is going on here? Why on earth would Alice crack smiles and actually joke with Luke – the only one of my friends that is dead – while she’s been acting all stern on everybody else all week? “…and Liv decided we should play Cards against Humanity,” Luke continues telling her, “and Andy never wanted to play again after that night.”

            Alice laughs – she actually, heartily laughs – and for a moment, we’re nothing more than a happy family playing Apples to Apples with my best friend. I love this. I love this so much. My eyes meet my mother’s and we share a smile.

“Shouldn’t Kai be here by now?” Luke asks, glancing up at the clock.

            I shrug. “Don’t know; he said he had a couple things to do before joining.”

“I really like that we’re doing this tonight,” my friend smiles. “I mean, no offence, Mrs. M, I love spending time talking with you and your ancestors when they feel like joining, but actually seeing people that _I_ know feels really good as well.” 

“It sure does,” my mother smiles at us, lovingly brushing a hand in Alice’s back. “So, I hear you are leaving the hospital tomorrow,” she tells me.

“I am. Jo’s been very strict on reeducation and she says I’m good to go home. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed.” Well, it’s not exactly mine, but they get what I’m saying.

“How is your breathing?”

“Gets better each day. I gotta say it’s nice being here in the ring: I can walk and move around normally, it’s a breath of fresh air.”

“Because your spirit isn’t burdened with your body’s limitations,” Luke explains and I nod.

“You’ve been improving,” Alice says, shuffling the cards, before turning to our mom. “Today I took her to walk; we went to the end of the corridor and back.”

“That’s very good,” my mom cheers and I roll my eyes, not really agreeing on what is ‘very good’.

            The doorbell rings and I purse my lips, trying to hold an impatient smile as my heart discreetly picks up its pace.

“That must be Kai,” Luke says, getting up. My mother follows him and I get up, nervously brushing my dress.

When the doctors confirmed that I would be leaving the hospital tomorrow morning, my witch said I should spend my last night here with Luke and my mom, and that he could send Alice in with me. I was the one to suggest he joined us; I know how spirit magic works in this ring, I got to see Luke produce food with his mind before and since tonight was going to be a family-reunion type of dinner, I said I would like him to spend the night with us. That way he’d get to spend some time with Luke – these two have been bonding so much recently, it’s insane – and he would get to know my mom.

            I wasn’t nervous when I asked him, I was genuinely excited and happy to have him, but I started feeling nervous when his silence lingered, and it felt like there was something he was not telling me when he ended up smiling and accepting the invitation. I know we haven’t talked about us since the wedding but I really want him to know that I am serious about this. I’m all in.

“You look lovely,” Alice tells me, focused on sorting the cards away.

            I brush the dark purple fabric once more and nod to myself. My attention leaves my already-bored sister to focus on the voices I hear. It’s not just Kai at the front door, is it? Alice and I share a glance before heading to the entrance and taking in the scene: Luke is sharing a long hug with _Liv_ , who is still holding Tyler’s hand, while Jo and Alaric are presenting my mom this bottle of wine that they brought. All of them are wearing smart outfits, dresses and shirts, and it’s like we’re having a dinner party.

“What’s going on?” I ask, a smile already spreading on my lips.

“Hey,” Jo smiles, her entire face lighting up at the sight of me. “Look at you, standing and walking like nothing in the world can stop you.” She comes to take me in her arms and we share a fond embrace.

“Oh, I’ve missed hugging you,” I say, before letting her go and being caught in another hug by Liv. “But again, what is going on?”

“I told Kai I shouldn’t be the only one reuniting with my family tonight,” my mom explains, “That wouldn’t be fair, right?” She turns a motherly face to Luke and his happy grin when holding Jo, and I smile. My mom; such a mom to everybody.

            The door finally closes and Kai shares an embrace with Luke – God, I love the sight of that – before his eyes land on me. He scans me from head to toe and then locks eyes with me, and this spark in his eyes makes my body heat. I let us share this moment of anticipation and it’s like the world around us disappears; I barely hear my mom invite her guests to follow her to the dining table while collecting jackets. Luke’s arm won’t leave his twin’s shoulders, the two of them so happy to be reunited for tonight. I can’t believe it.

“Kai? Give me a hand?” Jo calls, gathering chairs for the table. My witch snaps back to reality and gives me a discreet smile before heading to his sister. I know he loves that she would so casually ask for his help; like it’s okay for him to be here, like it’s normal. When I glance at the table, Luke is making plates appear by mere thought, and Liv insists on being the one to summon glasses. Tyler watches them, impressed, while Alice is talking to my mom _and_ Alaric.

“Andy, baby,” my mom says, turning to me, “would you mind grabbing the napkins in the kitchen?”

“Sure,” I nod, grinning. I only mutter when brushing passed her, “Can you not call me ‘baby’ in front of my friends? That’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Fine,” she pouts, looking a lot like Alice, “but you should know you will always be my baby girl.”

“Thank God for that,” I say, kissing her cheek, before heading to the kitchen. I open the right drawer and count nine white napkins – how come there are _just_ enough? Magic in this ring shall always surprise me – and push the drawer closed with my hip.

“Can I help you with that?”

            I look up to see Kai leaning against the doorframe, a playful smile on his lips and his eyes full of tenderness.

“Most definitely.” I place my stack of napkins on the kitchen island next to me when he walks up to me and I easily wrap my arms around his neck as his hands settle on my waist, where they belong. He rests his forehead on mine and we stand silent for some time, simply enjoying the moment. I can’t believe I haven’t been able to do just that for an entire week; this embrace is so simple and yet so perfect, I could stay here all night. Yes, girl, you are beyond help.

Oh, well.

“I really like that smile,” he says in a low voice. Man, do you know how much I worship yours?

“Thanks. It’s my dopey-happy smile.”

            His lips brush mine, gentle and tempting.

“You should never stop wearing it.”

“Then you should never stop making me happy.” For half a second, I can see in his eyes that the blow lands, but I don’t know where it comes from, and I barely have time to frown while replaying my words that he’s already smiling at me again.

“Do you think your sister will try to kill me tonight?” he asks playfully. I know he’s purposefully changing the subject but I don’t have it in me to press him for answers right now, I guess it’ll have to wait for another moment.

“Not if you don’t provoke her.”

“I have _so_ many ideas, I could just say that–” I interrupt him with a kiss, and though we don’t lose ourselves in sensual caresses, the intensity of our kiss instantly sets me ablaze. “Right,” he lets out when we end it, his dark blue eyes clouded, “no provoking the heartless leader. Any more requests?”  

“I’d like to know… how can you afford all this? Magically, I mean. Isn’t it a lot of people at once?”

“It’s all been thought of,” my witch explains proudly. “Both Enzo and Damon let me siphon some of their vampirism to fuel the spell, and Olivia has _also_ agreed to that. Plus, I’m mega-powerful.”

“You are,” I smile before kissing him again, savoring the warmth that spreads from the pit of my stomach to my entire body. When we end it, he covers my cheek, chin and jaw with kisses, before looking at me as in a way that makes my heart race.

“You perfect woman,” he says, almost in disbelief.

“I really like it when you do that.”

“When I do what?”

“When you undress me with your eyes.” His face doesn’t react but his grip on my waist tightens and I can’t help biting my lip, really, _really_ happy. I lift my heels higher and purr in his ear, “I can’t wait for you to undress me with your hands.”

            I barely finish my sentence that he captures my mouth with fervor, almost possessively, and I love it. Our kiss stretches, languid and delicious, and if it were up to me, I would cancel the whole surprise dinner-party thing and spend the night with him. Actually, I think I’ll do just that. We can postpone our dinner, right?

“You two should get a room.”

            Our lips part reluctantly and we turn our faces to Luke, who seems to be aiming for the napkins. Right, I _was_ on a mission.

“Ever heard of the word ‘privacy’, brother?” Kai mutters.

“Actually, I have, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t rhyme with ‘kitchen’, but I could be wrong. Besides, walking in on you making out with a girl is one more brotherly experience we got to catch up on. The perks of the afterlife, really.”

“You know, you’re not too old for me to box your ears.”

“And you’re not too dead for me to help him.”

“Aren’t you guys adorable. Just saying,” Luke adds with an innocent shrug, “if you two are gonna have spirit sex, you should get your own ring.”

“Okay, we’re done here,” Kai decides, taking my hand and leading me out, while Luke gives me a wink.

            They’re nearly all seated around the table already, and we sit side by side, Alice facing me and Jo facing Kai. Luke finally joins us, sitting next to Kai and facing Alaric. Next to the latter sits Liv, Tyler being between the younger twins, he and my mom presiding the meal.

“Could we do that?” I ask under my breath, commenting Luke’s last suggestion.

“Are you serious?” my witch utters in disbelief and I shrug. I wouldn’t vote against it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't get enough of my two favorite lovebirds <3 When I think back of the way they were in the beginnings, when they met and met they were antagnoists, I feel like they've gone a long way. Although not all of their problems are settled, but still. I like how far they've come, I'm proud of them ^_^


	73. Chapter 73

Seventy-three

 

“…and so we head back to the car, which is a _complete_ wreck, and we’re both _barely_ alive, I don’t even know how we ever made it, and the only thing Damon says to me is, ‘I told you to park the car nearer.’.”

            We laugh at Alaric’s story while he shakes his head to himself. ‘Freaking Damon,’ I can almost hear him say with affection. We’ve been sharing stories and anecdotes for the better part of dessert, and though Alice wasn’t comfortable when my mom told one or two, she only tensed in silence, probably acknowledging that Mom wasn’t actually giving any crucial details about our clan, only the funny ones. Even Jo and Kai shared happy childhood memories – especially their most mischievous accomplishments; these two were no angels.

They also related a few stories about the younger ones, and though there was a moment of sadness at the mention of those who are gone, hurtful words were avoided – even by Liv – and we went on after having acknowledged their absence. Kai tensed of course, and though he hid it rather well, I know how guilt surged in him when they were brought up. I didn’t say anything, I simply squeezed his hand that was already resting on my knee, and he squeezed back. I just hope it’ll get easier for him to talk about them when around his remaining siblings. He and Jo are the eldest, they’re the ones who remember all there is to remember, and the younger twins, though cautious, are obviously eager to hear more about the family they never knew.

The conversation moves on to a safer ground, and Luke ends up teasing Jo for her to reveal baby names she and Rick have in mind. What if they’re boys? What if they’re girls? What if they’re one of each? But the newly-weds won’t say a thing.

I love that Jo also gets to be back in their lives after so many years of being estranged to them. This is so perfect. All of this. I honestly haven’t been this happy to share a family meal in a long time. My mom being here changes everything, and I cannot begin to tell how lucky and grateful I am for this night with her. Only my dad and Jared are missing, but maybe we’ll be able to have them too someday, before she and Luke are set free to a new Other Side, that is.

            I look around at the light faces and my heart fills with happiness and warmth. Knowing that this is all a bonus makes this moment even more precious, one more memory of them to store in my heart. From the corner of my eye, I can see my mom holding Alice’s hand, and I give her my free hand, sharing another smile with her. Laughs burst again at Jo’s joke, and I turn my face to Kai, reveling in the sight of him like that. He looks at me too, and the heartfelt hilarity slowly fades, replaced with a soft tenderness that only belongs to me.

            The two of us have been sitting close all night, so he barely needs to lean in to whisper in my ear, “Right now. Are you happy?”

“Yes,” I whisper back, letting gratitude and love show in my eyes. “I’m very happy.”

“Good,” he says. “I wanted us to have tonight.” Again, I almost frown, but he kisses the skin near my ear, sending goose bumps all over my body, and the thought leaves my mind. I slightly turn my head to face him, and his lips find mine, softly, gently. I know we can’t go up in flames right now, but the background noise and voices do disappear, and there is only the beating of my heart and the brush of his lips that exist.

“You two are disgustingly cute, I can’t even.” Liv’s unimpressed voice calls me back to reality and my cheeks heat at the sight of all of them staring with more or less affection – I mean… Liv and Alice. Even my mom’s moved look makes me weirdly shy. She died before I ever invited Tommy home for dinners, back in high school; she’s never seen me with a boy and here I am, kissing the man of my life right under her nose. Isn’t that weird?

“Fortunately,” Kai retorts easily, “no one cares about what you think, Livvie Pooh.”

“Says you, half-wit.”

“You little brat,” he snorts.

“You giant–”

“Liv,” Jo calls with authority, “stop poking him,” at the same time as Luke’s voice calls, “Kai, play nice.” Both of them shrug before looking at the other with the same expression of disdain, and Jo turns to my mom, “Sorry about that, Laura. We’re not used to family dinners. Some of us need to learn how to behave.”

“She started,” Kai protests indignantly. Jo gives him a look.

“Yeah, sure,” Liv snorts.

“Unbelievable,” my witch mutters to himself before turning to me. “You tell them, officer.”

“I’m _so_ not interfering on this one,” I chuckle.

“Even if she did, you shouldn’t encourage her,” Alaric tries to intervene.

“How about you wait for your own twins to be born to parent people around?” Kai mocks.

“How about I send you to bed early?” Rick only adds, faking sternness.

“Rick, I’m your leader,” my witch smirks. “Don’t give me ideas I could actually apply against you.”

“Easy, here,” Jo jumps in. “I’m the only one deciding about my husband’s bedtime, thank you.”

“We honestly don’t wanna know,” Luke says, sharing Liv and Kai’s wince.

“Yep, what he said,” his twin approves.

“Damn, I so wish I had siblings now,” Tyler chuckles. “Is it going to be like that at every family dinner?”

“There’s a good chance for that,” Jo says, tilting her head. And I can tell from that twinkle in her eyes when sharing a look with Kai that she is just as happy as he is at the idea of more family dinners.

“And on that note,” Rick says, lifting his glass, “to our upcoming children; the more, the merrier.” Smiles crack as we lift our glasses and drink.

“I’ve been wondering,” Alice begins, locking eyes with Kai. “Why do you keep calling her that? ‘Officer’.”

            Oh, Lord. No.

“You don’t wanna know,” I quickly say.  

“But she _asked_ ,” Kai beams.

            Curious glances turn to my witch, for they have probably all heard him call me that at least once by now, and his grin only stretches as he turns to me, playfully lifting his brow.

“You’re not saying it.” She’ll kill him.

“Manners, officer,” he tells me, oh-so-happy to be invited to say it. “I can’t _not_ say it now that she’s asked.”

“It’s your funeral, Parker.”

I purse my lips, bracing myself, while the Gemini leader turns back to my sister, trying to act serious to cover his excitement.

“Andy’s an officer because you guys are the witch police.” He holds her gaze, smiling with satisfaction as the light in her eyes disappears and as she clenches her jaw. She doesn’t move right away, doesn’t react, and I can tell she is replaying his words in order to make sure she understood them correctly. Yes, he did just mock our ancestral duty to watch witches and our sacred legacy, shamelessly comparing our nearly-mythical order of distinguished fighters to something as casual as a precinct, and yes, he did turn it into a recurring joke.

“That’s why I’m captain,” she says in a low, way-too-even voice not to be dangerous.

“And Jared’s a lieutenant. Pretty funny, right?”

I nudge my witch, but she is already imagining fifty different ways to torture him. My sister is very attached to traditions and respecting what’s ancient; she is the proud leader of a clan of mighty warriors, and she does not appreciate someone mocking that. Especially a supernatural who is not supposed to know. Especially a witch she’d prefer dead.

“Alice, it’s a joke,” I say. My mom places a hand over my sister’s, preventing her from clenching her table knife too tightly.

“And it’s a rather good one,” she slowly says, holding on to Alice’s hand until my sister looks up at her. “It’s a joke,” she repeats, “and it’s fine.”

            Kai is beaming, satisfied with himself – wouldn’t he love to pick a fight with her? Just to test their limits? – while Luke and Liv share a glance, trying to repress a laugh. It’s Alice’s impassive – and thus deadly – expression that alarms me, when it turns to a frank frown while still watching the Gemini leader. A shiver of apprehension runs through me as I turn my head to him, only to see his eyes close and his face fall forward in a faint.

            My hands shoot to catch him before he crashes onto the table and I hold him close.

“Hey,” I call, unable to come up with anything else. Around us, the light conversation has stopped, turning into concern.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know, he was fine.”

“Have we been here for too long?”

            The voices fade as well as the guests, and Kai frowns, opening his eyes with difficulty.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly. He nods and suddenly gasps, before taking a long breath. His eyes recover intent and his face loses all traces of fatigue.

“What’s going on now?” Luke asks him.

“I feel better, I… I think Olivia is giving me more magic, back at the hospital.”

“How are you feeling?” my mom asks.

“Better, way better. I think it’s best that we stop here for tonight, I’ll summon them back to say goodnight.” Luke holds out a hand to his brother’s shoulder as the latter closes his eyes again, for focus this time, and before long, his family is back around the table. “Sorry about that,” he apologizes easily, as if it were nothing, “coverage isn’t that great.”

            Alaric and Tyler smile to humor him, while Jo watches him closely and Liv – well, Liv is being Liv.

“Thanks for the donation, little sis, you’ll get a cookie.”

“Or, you could get me a new phone.” She shrugs. “Mine is getting antic.”

“You name it,” he mumbles. Okay, we might want to put some boundaries before she gets used to him spoiling her out of guilt.

“And on that cheerful note,” Luke intervenes, “we’ll say goodnight and send you back to your bodies before our leader loses his connection to the land of the living for good.”

            We raise to our feet, most of the guests putting on a good face after this interruption, and they go thank my mom for having us over – it’s not even her house per se but it does feel like she and Luke invited us. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged, as well as encouraging words and tender smiles. After I said goodbye to Luke, I head back to where Kai and my mom are standing, watching everybody take their leave.

“…really grateful that you’re looking after my brother the way you do, Mrs. Moreau. He… didn’t really get a chance to have a mom, so thank you for that.”

“Don’t mention it,” my mom smiles fondly. “He’s one of my ducklings now.”

            Kai lowers his gaze, smiling sadly to himself before looking back up at her. I think I won’t need to explain to him that by ‘ducklings’, she literally means he’s one of her children. She gets like that: she meets a child who doesn’t have parents, and she takes them under her wing. She did it with Jared.

“You’re a good mom. Not that I’m an expert but… I think it’s really sweet, the way you still look at Andy and Alice after all these years. I wish my mom hadn’t stopped looking at me like that.” Behind his easy tone and his attempt at a light smile, my mom instantly gets the deep wound beneath his words; she holds his gaze with a solemn sincerity.

“I’m sorry she did.”

My witch swallows and holds her gaze, impassive, before turning to me with a lighter smile. “You ready?”

I take the hand he stretches out for me and I nod. One last hug to my mom and we both disappear to wake up in my hospital room. We were the last ones to leave so I guess the others are already in the corridor. Chairs are still placed in circle around my bed, and I picture my friends sitting there all night while our spirits were in the ring. Good thing the blinds are down, nurses and doctors would think us crazy.

            I also sense this weariness in my entire body. It’s not sore anymore, but stiff with lack of exercise and once again, I long to go jog in the woods or simply walk for real. Be patient, Andy; it’ll come back eventually. Kai snuffs the lights out in my room, tucking me in and I hold on to his hand.

“Thanks for tonight,” I smile. “It was perfect.” My witch smiles at me, passing Luke’s ring back around my neck, and presses a kiss to my brow. “You’re not staying?” I ask with a slight frown.

“I just need to catch Alice before they leave. Go to sleep, I won’t be long.”

“Kai,” I call, holding on to his hand as he rises, “don’t pick a fight you can’t win.”

            He watches me longer than necessary and manages the saddest smile. “I won’t.”

 

*****

 

            I walk up to the bed, lifting the bag onto the mattress and exhale. Blood is throbbing at my temples and my heart is hammering in my chest like I just ran a marathon. Everyday life as a Revoked sucks.

Now irritated, I slam my PJs in the bag and look around; I have spent so much time looking at these colorless walls, I’m getting sick of them. Such a good thing I’m leaving the hospital this morning, I don’t think I could have taken one more day here.

            A couple paper bags are standing on the floor, full of all the recovery cards and gifts I got during my stay. A nurse helped me put it all away and I’m actually glad I won’t be leaving this place alone to carry them. Dude, I couldn’t even go shopping on my own if I wanted to. I exhale once more, reminding myself that at least I’m alive, and I turn around when catching movement in the corner of my eyes.

            My smile fades at the sight of Alice standing in the doorway.

“Please, don’t look so happy to see me,” she mocks. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Sorry,” I say, frowning. “I just– I thought Kai was coming this morning.”

“He can’t,” my sister says, looking away. “He asked me to drive you home. You ready?”

“Uh– yeah.” Still thrown off, I watch her settle the sports bag on her shoulder, easily grab the handles of the paper bags, and offer me her free arm.

“Let’s do this, Andy-Snail. If we leave now, we might step out of the building by tonight.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Says you. Now stop talking and focus on your breathing. One step at a time… That’s it... Good girl.”

“Alice. Shut up.”

            After a blessed pause at the reception desk downstairs, where my sister takes care of signing all the paperwork, we finally step outside on the parking lot, and I genuinely feel grateful for this sunny morning and this discreet breeze in the air. I spot my car – Alice has been using it in the past few days – and walk the endless distance separating me from the passenger seat. Deep breaths.

            I stare throughout the window for a moment, until I frown as we don’t turn right at the appropriate crossroad.

“Downtown’s that way.”

“I know that.”

“Alice,” I smile indulgently, “in case you haven’t guessed already, I didn’t put on this cute-yet-sexy dress to go say hi to my suitemates. I have a witch to seduce.”

“Hadn’t noticed,” she mutters, her eyes glued to the road.

“Look, it’s very sweet of you to pick me up but can you please drop me off at Kai’s?”

“He’ll come to see you later today,” she says, before pursing her lips.

            We park in front of my dorm and for the first time in two years, I use the elevator to get to my floor. When I step into my suite, I frown and come to halt, but I don’t understand the sight right away. Several boxes are piled up in the way, and some of these bags look like mine. Alice silently grabs some of them and heads out, and I have to wait for her to come back before I can say in disbelief, “You’ve been going through my stuff?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t discard anything. And I’ve been careful.” She grabs some more boxes and disappears again for an entire minute. The perks of being strong _and_ fast.  

“Alice, what are you doing?”

“Moving you out,” she says, still not meeting my eyes.

“What? _No_!” I have to wait for her to come back again. “Can you please stop for a moment and talk to me? With sentences and eye contact?” She lifts her eyes to mine, and I don’t get why she looks angry. “Look, I get that you’re pissed and that I’ve screwed up big time, but I’m not going back with you. I told you: I’m staying here.”

“Apparently you’re not.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Alice? Come on, talk to me. You can’t just put all my stuff in my car and think I’m just going to follow you back to Vermont. I’m not a Lightbringer anymore. I have a life here; a guy I love, friends–” I catch myself before adding ‘a family’; I know that would hurt her.

“It’s not like you have a say in the matter,” she replies. I frown some more, now truly irritated… and scared.

“Look, you can’t just grab me by force and take me back; I mean you _could_ but it’s not something that you should want… Think about our alliance with the Gemini; if you take me home against my will, it’s gonna create a diplomatic incident. I mean it.”

            She clenches her jaw and exhales before saying, “Don’t worry about the Gemini, it’s all been taken care of.” She takes the last boxes and disappears again. My heart picks up its pace as her words sink in. No. They wouldn’t agree to that. None of my friends would agree to letting her take me against my will. Kai wouldn’t.

“Let’s go get you something to eat,” she says when coming back. “Then we’ll go say goodbye to your friends.”

“You’re not getting away with this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh trouble! Andy and Kai can never get a minute of peace, can they?


	74. Chapter 74

Seventy-four

 

            When I see the tall figure I would recognize in a crowd of thousands, I step out of the car and don’t mind the physical efforts. Behind me, I can hear Alice slamming the driver’s door but all of my attention is focused on my witch and on his slight frown. I don’t waste time in hellos, not when the situation is this critical; I simply take him in my arms, drawing a deep breath at the realization that I’m finally safe. His body is against mine, his arms are around me; she can’t get to me now, he won’t let her take me away.

Kai only hugs me, tightly, and I wish we could just head to his place without having to argue with my sister. Let’s just go build my new endurance together, let’s go have a life.

“You look so beautiful in that dress,” he murmurs in my ear, his voice hoarse with emotion.

“You like it?”

“A lot. It’s perfect.” He draws a deep, shaky breath. “You are perfect.”

            I keep my arms around his neck, still standing on the tip of my toes, and pull back just enough to look at him.

“We might have a major crisis going on,” I say. “Don’t get mad, but… Alice wants to take me back to Vermont today and I might need you to _peacefully_ explain to her to it’s not happening.”

“Andy–”

“Look, I would if I could. I actually tried to, but she won’t listen to me, and it’s not like I can _make_ her listen to me. I mean, I can barely walk up to my dorm, _but_ , would you please help me out with this, and I promise I’ll be very grateful.” I intended this as a playful, teasing request, knowing that he wouldn’t refuse me, especially if I were to be generous in return, but my smile slowly fades and my lungs seem to shrink again as I take in the way his face doesn’t light up at my words; instead, it is marked with a sadness that I refuse to register.

“Andy… you are going back to Vermont today.” I don’t move, don’t react, and he scans my face, swallowing hard. What? No–

“No, I’m staying here with you. With all of you.” He lowers his gaze and his hands nervously brush my waist as he tries to come up with something to say. “We agreed to this. It’s our plan. She’ll let me stay here, all you have to do is tell her that it’s your term to the alliance and she’ll leave us alone.”

“The term has changed,” he whispers.

Home, I realize. He asked Alice to drive me _home_. I open my mouth but close it, not willing to understand.

“You already agreed to this,” I finally let out. “Is this your idea?” He doesn’t need words; the guilt on his face answers for itself. The ground seems to disappear under my feet. “But we… we’re a team. Why would you do that?” I whisper. Why would he separate us? I don’t see the plan here.

“You can’t stay here; it’s not safe for you anymore.”

I need another breath to get my brain to work.

“Of course it is; there’s a deal going on with Valerie–”

“Now that Malcolm’s dead, the deal is at risk.”

“Okay, well, we’ll figure it out. Like we always do.”

“Not this time.”

“But we’re a full group of–”

“Andy, Malcolm’s death was retaliation for what he did to you. You fought them at the wedding and you were stronger than anything they’d seen before; now that you’re Light is gone, you have a target on your back.”

“So, we’ll deal with it. You know we’re stronger together.” He shakes his head to himself, trying to hold a sad and disillusioned smile. “Do you really think sending me away is the solution? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yes, it does.” I stare in disbelief, genuinely too stunned to get mad. In what kind of a world does it make sense? “What else do you want me to do to protect you?”

“It’s not your role to protect me; I can look out for myself.”

“But you can’t do that anymore,” he snaps, tears filling his eyes. “Your Light is _gone_ , alright? A kitten would best you in a fight right now. What am I supposed to do, then? Lock you up somewhere safe? Cage you where no one can get to you?” He surely has given it a lot of thought.

“Well, maybe not _cage_ me–”

“Then what, Andy? What can I do? What kind of spells can I set to protect you when we are facing people who basically absorb spells for lunch? There’s no way to keep you safe here anymore. You have to go.”

“ _Stop_ saying that; we’ll find something.” I’m losing patience now. This is nonsense.

“There’s nothing to find, you’re going and that’s final.” If there weren’t tears welling in his eyes, I could think he doesn’t even care.

“So you just– decide that I have to go. And I don’t get to say anything about it.” You seriously think you can do this, Parker? How naïve of you.

“Once you’re gone, they won’t be able to reach you. You’ll be hundreds of miles away, safe and hidden, protected by legions of Lightbringers. What else is there to discuss?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that I don’t want to leave you?” He tenderly cups my face, locking his eyes on mine.

“I don’t want you to leave me,” he whispers, his voice shaking and his chin quivering.

“Then _don’t_ make me.”

He inhales painfully; the sadness in his eyes is going to kill me.

“It’s too risky. I’m sorry, but I’m not as strong as you are.” He’s acting out of fear, I need to show him that it’s not different from any other obstacle we’ve run into.

“Look, they scared me too, but we’re–”

“Oh, they scared you, didn’t they?” he says, his voice slightly harder. “How long did it last? An entire minute? Two? I was scared for _hours_. I spent a night watching you die on that bed, wondering whether you were _ever_ gonna wake up. Do you have any idea what it’s like? To watch the person you–” he interrupts himself, closing his eyes briefly, before saying in a calmer, yet shaky voice, “I can’t live in a world where you’re not alive. I can’t lose you, I– I need you to be alive somewhere, even if it’s far away from me, even if it hurts every hour of every day.”

Hours and days. We’re talking about weeks and months, potentially years. My chest tightens; I understand his fear, God knows I would be in the same state of mind if he were to become a defenseless mortal but… there has to be another way, there always is.

“Then come with me until we agree on a different solution.” His eyes fill with so much sadness and despair, it makes me want to scream and shake him until he realizes what he’s saying. Damn it, Parker, why the drama? It’s useless; we’re invincible.

“I can’t. I need to stay here with my sisters; protect them, make it up to them.” Right. Jo’s still vulnerable without magic. I swallow hard, registering his words.

“So you want me gone, and you want to stay here, that’s what you’re saying.” My eyes sting even more and my heart furiously hits in my ribcage, trying to make itself heard.

“I’m sorry. I don’t see any other solution.” Breathe. Find something to say; anything. I don’t need to cry right now, tears won’t help; I need to find the words to change his mind. He kisses my brow painfully and my first tear falls. This is not happening.

“Please, don’t do this,” I whisper, my vision blurring. “I love you.”

He only closes his eyes and lowers his face, and my heart sinks. A painful silence lingers while a lump forms in my throat. He’s supposed to change his mind at that, realize that he can’t just let me go and do everything he can to keep me here. He’s supposed to say that he loves me too. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“I…” he closes his mouth and chews on his lip, obviously in pain, but I need him to understand. 

“I love you, Kai. I am deeply, desperately, beyond-helply in love with you.”

“It means a lot that you–”

“ _It means a lot?_ ” I snap. “I tell you that I love you. With all my heart, with all I have; I tell you that I cherish every part of you. I want you to be my person, I want to share every day and every night with you; I love you _for_ you, and it means _a lot_?”

“It means the world to me, it does. It means everything; _you_ mean everything, in the cheesiest way possible, and I am _terrified_ of anything happening to you, but…” he swallows again and tears are back in his eyes, “Andy, I can’t even say it back.” His distress pierces right through my chest. Right; he’s not ready to jump to that.

“It’s fine,” I say, already crying. “You don’t have to say it. We don’t have to go full romance, we can take things slow, we can go back to where we were–”

“You were miserable the way we were.”

“No, I wasn’t,” I try to object, desperately holding on to him.

“You were. I didn’t see it, or didn’t want to see it, but you were. And you want to be happy.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” he smiles sadly, tenderly stroking my cheek. “There’s nothing wrong with that; you should be happy, you deserve it.”

“But you don’t?” I understand. It all comes back to that, doesn’t it?

“Happiness is not something I can aim for. I could never make you happy.”

“Of course you can, you idiot; you already do.”

“I don’t make you happy, Andy. I’ve been destroying your heart, I can’t keep doing that to you.”

“That’s not true–”

“It is. You were right, I’ve been hurting us. I wouldn’t know how to make you happy. I’m a mess, I’m broken in so many ways–”

“We’ve already talked about this,” I try to soothe him. “We can get help, you can go talk to someone–”

“It doesn’t change anything to the fact that you _have_ to go.”

“Kai–”

“I wasn’t ready to let you go before. How could I? I would have held on to you until you decided to leave me for good. I would have kept hurting you, and me, because I’m incapable of being apart from you; that’s how damaged I am.”

“Don’t say that,” I cry.

“But I am. We couldn’t seriously hope it was going to end well; we’re bound to hurt each other. I’m bound to hurt you, it’s what I do.”

“No–”

“Lucas died because of me. He was your best friend, my own brother. And he died. Just like everybody else, everybody I care about ends up dying and I can’t... I won’t let that happen to you.”

“Please. Please, don’t make this decision for me.” It’s my choice. You can’t take my choice from me.

This is the moment where I should get angry, and I’m sure I am, deep down, but my distress is more due to this ache growing in my chest, a tightness that won’t let me draw a deep breath or even think. Panic and despair are thoroughly overwhelming me, and I can’t think, I can’t breathe, and I can’t fight. Why can’t I fight? It’s what I do best.

“I’m sorry.” He presses a kiss in my hair, and I feel his tears roll. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you mean to hurt you,” I say bitterly. “You need to stop doing this, you need to stop punishing yourself. You don’t deserve to be miserable, okay? That’s not a thing.”

“Who’s telling whom what to think now, miss Eyre?” I don’t smile at the joke. I couldn’t be further away from smiling or laughing. He is thoroughly shattering his heart, bringing mine along in the fall. How do I do this? How do I breathe? “I’ve been selfish, Andy; _so_ selfish. I shouldn’t have held on to you the way I did but… you make it worth it. Every nightmare, every painful breath I take is worth it because when I’m with you… it all goes away. You make me want to live. You make me want to have a life, for real; and that’s quite the achievement.”

“Then let me stay,” I whisper, hearing the words he keeps tiptoeing around. “Let me stay with you.”

“It wouldn’t be right.”

“What are you saying, that we’re not right?”

“No, I–” He briefly closes his eyes, at a loss for words. “You… _you_ are right; everything about you feels right, and perfect…”

“Then how can’t _we_ be right? I mean, you’re saying you want to be with me but you don’t want to be with me and… I’m trying to follow but it’s all a contradiction.” He cups my face and rests his forehead on mine, closing his eyes for a long time, as if it could help him focus, or keep his resolution.

“You know me,” he whispers. “You get me; the way I get you. We talk a lot, but you also understand things when I don’t say them, just like I do with you; that’s how we work.”

“Well, this time, I need you to explain. So that I can convince you otherwise.” The saddest smile lightens his face, and he opens his eyes again. ‘Say it,’ I want to yell, ‘say the words that your eyes are screaming for me.’

“When I say it’s not right, it has nothing to do with you. What’s not right is that I would get to be alive _and_ out of prison _and_ with you. I’ve tried keeping the balance but… I can feel it. How being around you brings me more joy and peace and happiness than I should aspire to. And it’s not fair, Andy.”

“But who decides that? You’re the only one building these barriers–”

“I don’t expect you to understand. And certainly not to agree. But I can’t give you more than I already have, and we both know that’s not enough for you.” I shake my head, and he tenderly caresses my cheeks, soothing. This isn’t happening. “You shouldn’t have to suffer so that I can have a glimpse of solace, it’s not fair. No more than risking your life.”

            I open my mouth but find myself mute. I can refute his points, I know I can. But I can’t seem to gather my thoughts, I forget how to fight. “I wish I were enough for you, officer. I do; with all my heart. But I’m not, and I’m truly sorry I can’t be the one to make you happy; I would have liked that, very much. But I can’t be what you need me to be, I can’t even be what _I_ need me to be, so I’m gonna do the right thing for once, and I’m going to send you where you’ll be safe. And you’ll get a normal life, and you’ll meet a normal northerner with blue eyes, who will share your incomprehensible love for iced coffee and cool weather, and you’ll be wicked happy.”

“I won’t. It doesn’t work like that. You can’t just decide I’ll be happy without you. I won’t.”

“Maybe not right away, but you’ll get through this.”

“Kai, _please_ –”

“You survived two months in a prison world with me, you survived countless adversaries who tried to kill you, myself included, and you survived the twelve days, and a Gemini wedding. You are the strongest woman on this earth, you are absolutely invincible, and you’ll survive this. I promise.”

His hold around me tightens, only before he starts pulling back, and I know he means to let go, for real this time.

“Don’t do this,” I cry, “you said you’d fight for me.”

“I’ll never stop fighting for you,” he whispers in my ear. “I’d do anything to make sure you’re safe.” I wipe away some tears, trying to gather my wits, but there is only this long, painful kiss he presses to my brow before pulling away from me.

“Please. Please, stay. Let’s talk about this.”

“Forgive me,” he says, tears rolling down his cheeks as he steps back. “ _Invisique_.”

            Air disappears from my lungs just as he disappears from my sight. More tears gather in my eyes and I can’t stop them. Don’t do this.

“Don’t you _invisique_ on me, Kai Parker!” I scream, trying to sound more determined than desperate. The memory of a playful battle in the snow painfully comes back with these words, but nothing else than the empty air before me matters. “ _Please_ ,” I call through my tears. My magical sight is gone; I can’t perceive the characteristic absences of Light anymore. I can’t tell where he is. “Please, don’t do this. Please.” How can everything in me break like that? How did this just happen? We were fine, we were going to be happy.

A wave of memories crashes into my mind, swallowing my heart as I remember all the signs I’ve missed since I first woke up at the hospital. His words, his sadness… he was already thinking about it. This isn’t happening.

“Andy…” Alice’s voice is gentle, tinted with compassion, but that doesn’t keep me from turning a desperate and hateful eye to her. She’s sad for me but her cold anger from earlier had little to do with _my_ unfair treatment: she just hates that this term was imposed to her.

“You agreed to this,” I accuse her through my tears. “How could you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry, Andy. It was his condition to keep the alliance going.”

“Oh and I’m sure you _tried_ to advocate for me,” I spit. A dizziness blurs my vision and senses, and I realize my pulse is racing, my breathing is shallow: I’ve been standing for too long, my body is begging me to sit down for a minute, and this outburst of tears is not helping. I turn back and call his name but only a painful silence answers. I can’t run after him, I can’t make him listen, I can’t force Alice to let me be, I can’t do _anything_ to make myself heard. I have never felt so weak and so betrayed and hindered by my own body.

As if to confirm his reasoning, I’m not strong enough to fight his decision.

            Barely aware of what I do, I walk up to the car and sit down, closing my eyes to breathe. My forehead is damp, my face is cold, and my heart hammers in protest, only wishing that my body remains unsolicited until it’s fixed, but none of this truly matters. I feel like I’m falling; I can’t think of a solution to his determination. I want to stay, that’s my alternative to his crazy plan to send me away, but I can’t come up with a way to make it come true. I can’t even stand on my two feet, I’m powerless. Flipping powerless.

            After that, Alice drives me back to my suite so I can say goodbye to Tina and Jess. Lost in thoughts, I text Kai, and though I hate that it sounds like I’m begging him – which I am – I honestly don’t care. What is a shred of dignity when the man I love is unilaterally deciding that I won’t see him again? There are two flipping persons in this relationship, he doesn’t get to send me away because I make him too happy to his liking. That’s just a shitty excuse because he’s afraid.

He only answers that he’s sorry, but it’s the best solution and I should take some time to accept it. I nearly crush my phone when reading that – except I can’t – and I believe I could kill him with my bare hands for being such a stubborn coward.  

I also text Enzo and Damon, as well as Jo and Liv, briefly explaining the situation and asking for their help, and that is when Alice tells me that Kai has already convinced them that it’s the only way to protect me, and that even though they all protested and tried to change his mind, he made them promise that they wouldn’t intervene, not when my life is at stake.

My head sinks in the headrest as her words cut deep into my chest. He thought of everything. He went over my head and made sure no one would agree to risk my life so I could stay here, and I can see the logic behind that, I know he’s doing it to protect me, but I couldn’t care less about my safety. I already long for his warm, strong embrace, for his lips on mine, for his eyes tenderly hovering over me, for his voice and his laugh, for our jokes and our deeper conversations, for the way I feel strong and loved and safe and precious when he holds me. Silent tears roll down my cheeks as I realize I won’t be having any of that anymore. Just last night, everything was perfect, and now I’m hollow and cold. Here’s to placing your hopes and you heart in the hands of another person, Andy.

 

I don’t remember a lot of what happened after that; it’s like a bitter dream I don’t even want to remember. My suitemates were somewhat surprised to see me leave all of a sudden, but Alice explained that my new health condition required me to go home and I didn’t object to her version of the story. I mean, did it even matter?

I remember feeling empty and vain when Jess and Tina gave me a hug and promised we would keep in touch; their arms weren’t the arms I longed for. I think Alice took me to eat something; or maybe that was before, I’m not sure. I remember that at some point, we found ourselves at the town’s border, and from the deep woods surrounding us, I saw emerge several figures that didn’t mean anything for a second. Damon and Elena, Stefan, Bonnie, Caroline, Enzo, Matt, Tyler and Liv, Jo and Alaric; they were all here to say goodbye, but even the sadness on their faces didn’t make it all more real.

By the time my sister and I stepped out of the car to meet them, I was in a calmer phase. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t accepting my fate – I mean, who else other than me gets to decide where I’m going and with whom I’m going to be? – but I was accepting that for now, I didn’t have any other solution than to comply. The certainty that it was only temporary, that I would find a way out of this, was now keeping me going, just like this vain search for a way to bring Luke back to life helped me survive his death. I was deeply convinced I wasn’t done with this, that I’d find my way back to this town soon.

            I don’t necessarily remember hugging Matt, but I guess he did say goodbye. Then came Tyler, Bonnie, Elena. All of them looking sorry, but all of them knowing better than to go against Kai’s decision. Whatever for? He was right about me being in danger here, they couldn’t deny that. Not that all heretics would be out for my head, but in a town full of supernaturals, it would have been suicide for me to stay. And yet, I wanted nothing else.

Stefan and Caroline also hugged me, and it was already harder to let her go. Then Alaric, Liv… I was not just losing Kai by leaving, I was losing all of them. We wouldn’t stop being friends, but this feeling of belonging with them had become very precious to me. They’d go on without me, chasing threats, helping each other out, bickering and making up. And I would miss it all.

_“I already miss you,” Liv cried in my shoulder._

_“Me too.”_

_“Sorry,” she said, wiping her mascara along with her tears, “I didn’t want to cry just yet.” We stared, sharing the saddest smile and incapable of saying all that we wanted to say to each other. “Thanks for putting up with me, and for saving me more times than I can count. And for sending me your notes.”_

_“Pleasure. Don’t skin him alive, okay?”_

_“I’ll try not to.”_

_I gotta thank Alaric for stepping in, because I would have burst in tears again. His wide figure swallowed me like I was hugging a bear, and for a moment, I was fine._

_“Thank you, Andy. You did so much, and the babies… Thank you. You call me if you ever need anything, okay?” I nodded, a lump forming in my throat at the sound of his shaky voice. He must have let me go at some point, because I somehow found myself in Jo’s arms, and I held on to her like I would have held on to my mom or to Alice. It was crazy to think how much I’d come to love this bossy doctor._

_“You take care of yourself,” she gently ordered in my ear._

_“Jo…” I said, crying again._

_“I know,” she whispered, holding me more tightly. “I’ll talk to him, I promise. In the meantime, you do what needs to be done to get better. Your health comes first, you hear me?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Yes, whom?”_

_“Yes, doctor.” She smiled and our embrace lingered. “Thank you for finding my twins, and thank you for returning my family to me.” I didn’t argue on my role in this, I simply took her words for what they were and I hugged her tightly. None of us knew, at this moment, that her trying to argue with Kai over my return, saying I was no more at risk that she was, would lead him to make her leave town as well, a few months later._

_“Come here, hunter-princess,” Damon smirked when Jo let me go. The way he held me reminded me of the way Jar would; it was comfortable and safe, and I didn’t want to let go. “You don’t do anything stupid, okay? You be a good retired fighter and you stay away from troubles. You begin with fighting for yourself and then you find your way to what you want, okay?” I nodded. “And if your big sister annoys you, you call me and I’ll come kick her ass.”_

_“You’d risk Jared’s wrath?” I enquired, savoring the moment._

_“I’m pretty sure he’d join me in the fight.” I chuckled at that and he turned to see Enzo step forward. He stood for a moment, taking me in, saying nothing, and I believe it affected him as well to see me go._

_“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I tried to smile, spreading my arms for him, and sadness overcame his face as he tried to smile back._

_“Hell no. But I guess it’d be bad form to refuse you.” My friend wrapped his arms around me, and just like with Damon, I felt like I was holding a brother. “Thank you for being my girl.”_

_“Thank you for the hugs.”_

_“For you, love, anytime.” A moment passed by and he pulled back to face me. “Now you go chase after that boring, human life you want so much. And you make the most out of it, you hear me?” I nodded, trying to keep my tears to myself, and he gave me one last hug before stepping back._

_I watched them for a moment, these people that I had come to cherish as my own family. I carefully stored the sight of them in my memory, knowing that when I’d call them for help, they’d come, no matter what I’d ask from them._

_I looked around one last time, hoping to see another figure join us, but I knew he wouldn’t be coming; he’d already said goodbye to me. Feeling both light and heavy, loved and burdened with desperate need, I managed a smile and took my leave, chin up and looking onward._

 

            Our drive back was long, nearly endless, and when Alice turned on the radio for entertainment, I didn’t say anything but simply turned it off. There was no getting any distraction from my pain and my grief for her; she’d helped make this situation what it was, now she was going to endure it with me.

During the long hours on the road, I received an email from Whitmore College with my finals’ results. I’d barely passed some classes but I’d crushed Occult Studies, Brit Lit and Sports, and they were very happy to give me a list of classes for me to enroll in for my junior year. Ironic.

            When we finally got to our parents’ house, I briefly let Jared hug me and went straight to bed – I believe my dad was already asleep. I guess Kai, Liv or Alice, or the three of them, had given my brother-in-law an account of the events; my dad however, didn’t seem to know the details, and I was not going to be the one to tell the story.

            Now, I’m not going to linger for hours on how terrible I felt for several days and weeks. I was as hurt and desperate as anyone can be when being separated from a significant other. Mine wasn’t dead, he wasn’t trapped into a prison world, he was not on the run after doing despicable deeds; he was simply choosing to move on without me, partly genuine about his concern for my life, and partly too afraid and hopeless to believe that we could stand a chance.

 

            I spent an entire day in my old room, shedding tears in my pillow, just like when I’d lost my mom or broken up with Tommy. I held on to Luke’s ring, crying for all the people I’d lost, including those who were already gone. Being back there didn’t feel right, it only felt temporary, it felt like I was a stranger in my home.

I didn’t want to see Alice, so she let me be, and Jared was the one to come and make me get up the next day. According to him, I had to go back to exercising, slowly but steadily. I tried to argue and resist; I mean, where was the point? To that, Jar said if I wasn’t happy with a decision that had been made for me, then it was up to me to get up, get out there and fight for what I wanted.

I knew he was trying to give me hope, but I also knew there was no truly fighting for what I wanted. Or maybe there was? I didn’t know anymore. I was clueless as of what to do, lost. But one thing was certain: I was thoroughly, utterly broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #heartbroken #merightnow   
> Who saw it coming though?   
> She didn't.   
> I so so so want to yell at Kai but I also understand he's still struggling with his past, it's not something he can just move on from, it's still haunting him. :'''(   
> Arh, feelings are hard, right? 
> 
> What do you think about all this? I'd love to know! ^_^


	75. Chapter 75

Seventy-five

 

_**July, 2013 – Vincent Moreau’s house, Vermont** _

 

            Vincent Moreau is still a rather slender man despite the recent years spent as a regular human being, without this witch-given, not-easily-earned Light that was once entirely part of his life. Like any retired Lightbringer, Vincent can tell you how quiet his life has become, and how deeply disturbing it was for the first few months to go about without this supernatural surplus he’d been used to carrying around since the age of thirteen. Of course, the physical pain disappeared after a week, but he had to learn how to properly breathe again, how to walk without burning his strengths in a couple minutes, and how to run without gravity calling his lungs back to the earth.

No matter how many of them tell you that after a few weeks of training, you’re nearly as good as new, the curious itch, like an uncomfortable scratch you can’t seem to shake, this weird feeling of something being wrong in your body, this sensation doesn’t leave just yet. It doesn’t hurt, doesn’t consume your life energy, but it insidiously reminds you every day of your new life that you’ll never be as strong and swift again. This life is behind you. You’re not unbreakable anymore; you’re fragile as a stalk, and the lightest breeze can easily blow you away.

Chairs scrape the wooden floor on the other side of the closed door and he stands up to watch his guests exit the drawing room, a fatherly pride surging in his heart at the sight of his eldest daughter and her calm, determined composure that doesn’t leave room for argument. Jared leads Simone outside, to the patio, and Lucien and Alice let Vincent join them before following the other two. They sit down on comfortable chairs, enjoying the view on the large garden behind the house, and Jared politely hands them freshly-pressed lemonades.

“Do you want me to move the parasol a bit, Lucien?” he inquires.

“There’s no need, thank you. The sun is rather magnanimous with us today; might as well enjoy it.” They nod; it is indeed a rather sweet Summer day.

“Is Andrea joining us for lunch?” Simone asks.

“She is,” Alice says, glancing at her watch. “She must have left already; she’ll be here soon.”

“Your cousin Sabrina told me she offered her a job in the company. Gerard has been meaning to retire from the program but Louise is the closest to retiring from the hunt, and she still has a full year ahead of her…”

“She did,” Jared confirms, before Simone keeps going with even more clan gossip. “But Andy’s not physically ready yet to take on Gerard’s clients. Several of them are on a cardio program, others do Pilates, biking… She’ll need a couple more weeks before she can start coaching anyone.”

“So she’s back to working at _Zola’s_?”

“For now,” Vincent nods. “She has in mind to fully get back in shape before making any decisions.”

Both Lucien and Simone tense at that, and they don’t miss the glance Alice and Jared share.

“What kind of decisions? Does this have to do with this nonsense alliance with witches?”

“We’re not gonna go through this again, Simone,” Jared says. “We have a peaceful relationship with the Gemini coven, and it’s all there is to know.”

“Well, I strongly disagree with you on that,” the elder replies. “You two have become talented secret-holders regarding this case.” Jared rolls his eyes but she continues, “You have told us nothing of the circumstances of Andrea’s revocation, nothing of this insane and dangerous agreement, except that it’s not legally binding, but that it _does_ imply a right to call on each other for ‘help’… You are drafting not only the near-future of the clan, but also your children’s future, and their children’s after that, and you didn’t think of consulting us before making this life-changing decision. This disclosure about who we are to a coven of witches is the most significant change our community has known ever since leaving Europe, and you _won’t_ tell us about it.”

“Are you done?” Alice asks, unimpressed. Simone’s chin rises proudly as she blushes; never has Alice talked to any of them in that way, not when refusing them intelligence they have a right to. “The alliance is secure; I monitor it closely. I’m in touch with their former leader, Jared is working even closer with their current leader and the _few_ members who know about us. Now for the last time: the record to this case is sealed, and there’s no point asking Andy about it, because she won’t tell you.”

            Utterly unhappy with her leader’s response, Simone turns a hard eye to Vincent, who has been listening without interfering.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says. “At this point, I’m quite sure you know more than I do about all this.”

            Silence settles between them and they sip their drinks absent-mindedly, waiting for discontent to fade. Vincent is still part of the clan of course, still part of the larger family, but he doesn’t have access to information regarding missions anymore. Well, that is the rule, but being the owner of the family house, where Alice and Jared love to have their team briefs, and being a former leader, he is entitled to having a rough idea of what goes on, especially when he is supposed to act secretary or messenger to his daughter-the-leader, his first lieutenant of a son-in-law, and his daughter-the-lieutenant when they all find a way to be unavailable to one another.

Alice and Jared only want to share the end result and not the story of how they got to this alliance? That’s fine by him. As far as he is concerned, the events in Virginia have no relevance to him now that both his daughters have come back in one piece. He knows better than to ask for a detailed account – he knows Alice and Jared would share a glance before keeping this sorry silence he taught them himself –, so he lets them deal with it. The former leader knows, however, that his younger daughter made a mistake, a big one, because when they came back, Andy didn’t have her Light anymore, and it’s very unlikely that she gave it to Alice of her own will. That and this profound sadness that won’t leave her, not even after a full month of being home.

He is fairly certain it has to do with the death of her friend Luke, and he can’t push the guilt away, knowing he should have told Alice – or at least Jared – what was going on. Her loss, her lonely grief; he should have seen through it instead of believing her every time she said she was fine. There aren’t a lot of cuts that can get to you as deeply as seeing your child utterly miserable, and not being able to do anything about it doesn’t help. It’s only one more way of being powerless.

From what he’s gathered, her actions led the clan to building another alliance with the Gemini coven, one with which Alice decided to go public in the clan – or at least, sort of public. He could try and ask his old friend Josh about all this, but the witch would only be embarrassed to deny him any details – none of them are leaders anymore, and Vincent is no more a Lightbringer. They’re out of the loop.

He lets his gaze wander about on the wide, green miles of land that surround the house, enjoying this sunny, yet cool-enough Summer day on this earth, simply thankful to be having a family lunch today, and his eyes stop on Alice’s face. It’s impassive and still, but he knows his daughter enough to interpret her every look; and the way she stares at nothing behind his shoulder longer than necessary lets him know that she is internally frowning.

The slightest frown operates on Jared’s face, for he must have a sense of something being off as well, as she carefully sets her glass back on the oak table and says without looking up, “You can show yourself; no need to be shy.”

Vincent turns around to see a tall, young man appear in front of them, looking at Alice and Jared, and for a second, he doesn’t know who that is. Until the reminiscence of an almost-forgotten day triggers every inner alarm he has left.

“Witch!” Simone exclaims, already on her feet. The old woman may look as inoffensive as your grand-mother, but she is as lethal as an old snake; one never really stops being a witch hunter, it’s written in your DNA.

She and Lucien are already standing, reaching for the knife or dagger they never fail to bring wherever they go, and the younger Lightbringers’ attention – and the Gemini’s – is solely focused on them by the time Vincent loads the nearest gun he could reach, aiming it at the unaged monster who tore his best friend’s family apart, eighteen years ago.

“Vincent, don’t!” Jared shouts, drawing everybody’s attention.

“Move away,” he tells his family. “I know who he is, I know what he’s done.”

“Right,” Kai says, as he slowly holds his hands up for Vincent to see he’s not attacking them, “You must be friends with my dad.”

His rather light voice hides the cut; a wound that is buried in his flesh and that will never let him forget, not for one day of his life.

“Dad, don’t do anything stupid,” Alice calmly calls. “He’s the Gemini leader; he needs to live.”

“And may I add that we have a formal friendship going on, and that shooting me wouldn’t be very–”

“Kai, shut up,” Jared says, while slowly stepping toward Vincent. The Gemini nods, acting somewhat easily, but Vincent doesn’t let him out of his sight; he knows what he’s done, how sick and twisted he is. He saw the corpses of the children being transported outside the house, he saw the pools of blood and the broken vases, scattered all over the floor. He came back, a week later, to stand with Joshua during his wife’s funeral. And now this monster is on the threshold of his home, probably here to gut every hunter he can get his hands on. Well, not on his watch. “Vincent, listen to me; he’s alright, he’s good. I swear to you he’s good. What you’ve seen and heard eighteen years ago wasn’t true; he’s a good witch, a good person and a good leader.”

            Vincent holds gaze with the witch all the while, and it’s not this well-staged sincerity in his eyes that trick him into lowering his gun, it’s the fact that both Jared and Alice are standing in the way, making any attempt to shoot him impossible. The younger three let out a sigh of relief when Vincent relinquishes his weapon to his son-in-law – he knows where the second nearest one is hidden, and he’ll have it in hand before the witch can chant a spell.

“The hell, man?” Jared easily turns to Kai, lifting an expectant brow. The latter only lets a grin stretch his lips.

“It’s good to see you too, Jar.” Skeptical glances go from one to the other, and even more so when Jared snorts and smiles back, before shaking the witch’s hand.

“You look good.”

“I always do,” Kai jokes. “Have you put on a couple pounds?”

“Rude. And no; you’re the one who can’t see shit.”

“Why are you here, Kai?” Alice sternly asks, her arms folded across her chests. Both men turn to her, as if remembering they’re not alone, and while Jared gives her a look of fake-reproach for her lack of tact, Kai offers her a frank smile.

“Almost nice to see you again, captain. I didn’t recognize you with that smile.”

“I’m not gonna repeat my question.”

“Well, you know, I was passing by, I thought I’d say hi…”

“And we’re glad to see you too,” Jared beats his wife to answering. “Though I _am_ a little bit surprised to see you here. We weren’t expecting you, which kinda leads me to ask: does she know…?”

            A shadow of sadness crosses the witch’s face, and Jared has his answer.

“You can’t do that,” Alice sternly scowls. “You can’t just come here and–”

“Kai?”

            Heads spin to Andy’s voice.

 

*****

 

“It’s nice of you to drive us, Andrea,” Lorraine smiles, putting on her seatbelt.

“Sure,” I nod, checking in the rearview that Richard is doing the same. “You guys were on my way, we might as well carpool.” I insert my car in traffic, driving outbound to my dad’s house. We should be right on time, which is good news because I’m kinda starving. “So what do you have here, Lorraine?” I ask, briefly glancing at the covered plate that is resting on her knees. The savory smell of hot cheese, ham and rightly-baked dough makes my mouth water already.

“ _Une quiche_ ,” she answers in French, “no pun intended.” I chuckle, knowing better than to make a joke she has heard way too often in her life.

“Your cookery is no pun,” I assure her.

“Good girl,” Richard approves from the backseat. “You know your way to my wife’s heart.”

“She knows her way to ours,” I smile back.

“It’s rather easy; I use my grand-mother’s cookbook. I could teach you some recipes, now that you’re back in Burlington.”

“That’d be nice,” I say, not minding the subtle pang in my heart.

Yep, I am to stay in Burlington. How could I forget?

The rest of the drive is a light conversation about other members of the family. ‘Did you know that Lisa wants to name her upcoming baby Jake? What kind of name is that? She could name him Benjamin or Marcel; or even Jacques.’ I shake my head to myself, smiling at our elders’ love for this family tradition to give babies French or French-inspired names because it’s our heritage and blah blah blah. Only Jared’s parents went against the current, and it was frowned upon for months. Poor Jar.

            I park before the house and wave to my cousins who are getting off Louise’s car. Paul is taller than me now, and he’s only sixteen, and it looks like his younger brother Sebastian is following in his footsteps. Damn. Kid hasn’t received his Light yet, he’s all excited for his thirteen’s birthday ceremony that will take place in the fall.

I hear distant voices that seem to come from the back of the house, and after exchanging brief hugs with my cousins, I walk towards the garden, listening to Sebastian telling us about school, and it’s only when stepping in the patio that I look up and freeze.

“You can’t do that,” Alice sternly scowls. “You can’t just come here and–”

“Kai?”

            Heads spin to me, but my attention is only absorbed by him. He’s here, standing in the patio.

He’s here.

“Hi,” he lets out, obviously subject to emotion, and a silence fills the air as we take each other in, a silence only heavy for everybody else. “I should have called,” he realizes, “let you know that I was–” It only takes me a few strides to be in his arms, and his voice fades when our bodies collide in a tight, desperate embrace. I close my eyes and choose to only focus on the scent of him, on the hammering of his heart against my chest, on the way he holds me close, like he’s never going to let go, and on the way he breathes in. He’s here.

I don’t hear the whispers of Louise and Paul behind me, who can tell by his Light that he is a witch, and who are simply dumbfounded that a witch is in our house; like… he knows about us, he knows us, and I’m sharing an embrace with him.

They don’t exist anymore. There’s only him for now, him and my heart that breaks and mends at the same time.

“I’ve missed you,” I repeat, on the verge of crying.

“I miss you too.”

            He brushes my hair, his cheek against mine prickles, and I am happy. Miserably happy. Kai rests his forehead on mine, drawing a shaky breath, and I know that if I shed a tear, he’s going to follow.

“You’re here,” I say. I’m not sure this has really registered.

“I am.” We share a smile, lost in our own world.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” His starry eyes drop to my lips again, and my grin widens. I want to kiss you too.

“It took you long enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was hoping you’d come. I’m stronger now, so I’m no more at risk than Jo or Rick, so I–” I stop talking when guilt and sadness overcome the lines of his face, making my heart collapse twice as fast as it came back to the surface. “You’re not… you’re not here to allow me back in Virginia, are you?”

“No,” he whispers, sadness filling his eyes. “I’m sorry, Andy, but I won’t change my terms to the alliance: as long as you don’t have your Light, there’s no coming back for you.”

“But you know she’ll never give it back.” She loves me and she’s forgiven me, but she’ll never trust me again with clan responsibilities.

“I know. But your safety comes first.”

            I snort bitterly, shaking my head to myself.

“Yeah, it’s a tie between that and breaking your own heart.”

“We’ll recover from a broken heart. But I could never recover from anything happening to you.”

            I chew on my lip so as not to cry as he tenderly brushes my cheek. I hate that it hurts as much as it soothes.  

“Why are you here, then? Why did you come?”

            The man who used to be _my_ witch opens his mouth, but needs another breath to speak.

“I’m here on duty, I… We’ve been working with other covens and… I’m gonna need Luke’s ring.”

            The blow lands. Hard.

“The ring,” I repeat, because that needs to sink in. “You came for Luke’s ring.” Kai rubs my arms for comfort, because he knows the coldness in my voice is only to hide the pain. I knew someone would come for the ring one day, it was my last link to Mystic Falls and McKinley; never thought it’d be so soon. Never thought it’d hurt like that.

“I’m sorry,” he tells me. “They all offered to come but it was a good excuse to check up on you; I wanted to see you so badly, I– I realize now that it was incredibly selfish of me to come here. Forgive me.” My chin quivers and I can’t hold my tears longer; Kai pulls me in again, and I’m pretty sure I saw a tear drop on his cheek. “I miss you,” he says with difficulty. “Every single day.”

            I don’t get to see the murderous stare my father keeps on him, nor do I get to see the others watch and draw their own conclusions.

“Is there somewhere we can talk?” he asks after casting a cautious glance around. “Somewhere private?”

            That is when I remember we’re not alone in this world. My elders are probably starting to put the two plus two together, understanding where this sudden alliance is coming from, and why my Light has been revoked. But I don’t care about them, I only care about the man who holds me like I’m the most precious thing on earth; I savor every second of it, because it doesn’t look like it’s going to last. I nod and he is the one to pull away.

Our hands find each other’s, our fingers weave together, and I don’t even know who reached out. Not caring to explain anything, we head out of the patio, and it’s only on the threshold that Alice’s voice calls, almost uncertain, “Kai?”

            We stop and look back at her, and for a second, the leader face disappears. “Before you leave… can we say goodbye?” She doesn’t mean to him, she means to our mom. If he’s going to take Luke’s ring away and set her free to a new Other Side, then we won’t get another chance to talk to her. My hand tenses in his, and Kai’s squeezes, soothing.

“Of course,” he nods, before looking to all the strangers, then back at her. “You, Jared, and… your dad if he wants to. I’ll come to you.” Alice nods, once, and no one holds us back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh. Did you also get your hopes up when you saw Kai coming to see her? I soooo wanted to shake him until he just confessed his love and asked her to come live with him forever :''(


	76. Chapter 76

Seventy-six

 

            On the eastern flank of the house lies a spruce grove whose scent always appeases me, the scent of home. Although, another scent as become the one of home in the past few months; the scent of apples, freshly-ground coffee, and this twenty-first century perfume I have deeply missed. They say home is where your heart lies. Well, my heart isn’t located at a place anymore, it’s located wherever this special someone is. Right now, home is here.

            We sit down on the old bench my grand-father built when my mom was born. We don’t speak for some time, we simply sit here, Kai’s arms around me, and the voice of nature around us is enough to break the silence. I could stay here for the rest of my life.

“How are you?” he asks after a long while of comforting caresses.

“Physically or emotionally?”

“Both.”

            I sigh. “I’m back to jogging in the woods every other day so I guess that’s progress. Jar came up with this warrior training program to get me back into shape.”

“Is he a good trainer?”

“The worst. He’s supportive but he’s a real torturer.” Kai chuckles and I let my heart fill with the sound.

“You happy?”

            I shoot him a look. “Let me see: the man I love has sent me hundreds of miles away for my ‘protection’ and I didn’t even have a say in the decision. And he won’t step out of his comfort zone, which is to be uncomfortable and utterly miserable, to be with me. How could I _not_ be happy?” He lowers his face and I already hate myself for what I just said; hurting him won’t change anything. “Sorry.” Ouch. Bitter.

“Don’t be. I hurt you, you hurt me back. It’s only fair.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I bury my face in his neck and his arm around my waist secures me closer. I close my eyes, at peace for now. “What about you?”

            He exhales, and I leave him to his thoughts before he answers, “I thought I was in pain before, but I had no idea how hard it’d be to go this long without you. I miss you. I miss you so much…” His voice disappears. He takes a shaky breath, clears his throat. “I’m so grim Liv doesn’t want to spend time with me.” A joke to lighten the mood but I can’t bring myself to smile.

“Is it still edgy between you two?”

“Yeah. But she puts less effort into saying hurtful things, so I guess that’s progress.”

            Silence stretches while there’s a million things I want to say to him. Tears roll to my nose and I say, “Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Anything. Just… talk. I need to hear your voice.” He holds me closer.

“I’ve… taken your advice, you know. Damon compelled me a shrink and I’ve been seeing him once a week. It’s not doing any miracles but apparently, I’m a work in progress, so…” He shakes his head. “Caroline is starting to show, which is weird enough. It’ll take a couple more months for her body and the twins to get used to the situation and for them to resume growing regularly. Judging by that, they should be born by next spring. Probably in March. Rick and Jo are all over her, they look like they have a _ménage-à-trois_ going on or something.” I smile at that. “Plus, I expect Stefan to be joining soon so they’ll be having a sort of _ménage-à-quatre_ , I guess. What else? Lily Salvatore has a new boyfriend, Julian. Well, he’s not new, he’s her old boyfriend to be exact, which makes Damon and Stefan quite happy, as you can guess. But I don’t know, there’s something sketchy about him.”

“How are things with the heretics?”

“Um… the truce-deal-thing didn’t hold for long. Lily holds a grudge for Malcolm and I’m pretty sure she’s going to pull something but she’s Mommy-dearest, so… Damon is allowed to go around and kill Oscar but _we_ aren’t allowed to do anything.” He shakes his head to himself again and I can almost hear the disagreements between him and the vampire.

“She’s also managed to get the Salvatore house to herself and her so-called children, and since they were kind of a threat-but-not-really-but-you-can’t-trust-them, we had to evacuate Mystic Falls and pretend there was a dangerous gas leak or something. They have the town to themselves and they shouldn’t be bothering anyone. But then, I had to find an apartment to all exiled vampires, and we’re now crowding in my building downtown McKinley. As for the heretics… things are weird, ‘cause the Valerie girl seems to hate Julian more than she dislikes us, so we’ve been observing a kind of shift. Like… she’s not doing anything crazy but you can’t trust her… I can’t bear Nora and Mary-Louise, but then, who can? They simply go around, snatching people’s neck and it’s always a mess to clean. I guess I don’t mind Beau; he lets me do all the talking, but that’s pretty much it. Times are rather uncertain over there.”

            I don’t say anything, noting there are too many variables that don’t depend on him for him to accept my coming back. He is a bit like Alice when it comes to authority: as long as he doesn’t have everything under control, the answer’s no. No matter what you’re about to ask.

“How’s the new Other Side coming along?”

“I’m working on it, there’s still a lot to be done. When you think about it, the Other Side is nothing more than another plane of reality overlapping ours, more or less like a parallel word or… a prison world. Now my coven is very familiar with that, as we know, and we’ve been drafting a spell that still needs a bit of improving, but we’re on the right path. I’m waiting for feedback from the Mikaelson witch, but I’m confident.”

            I straighten back up, looking at Kai. “You’re working with the Mikaelsons?”

“One of them,” he nods. “Freya; the lesser evil, I hear. Caroline has an in with her brother, she got us in touch.” I chew on my lip, remembering what I’ve heard from Alice’s mission in Louisiana.

“I hear she’s pretty,” I let out before thinking.

“Not as pretty as you,” he says, running a tender hand in my hair. “Besides, you’re more her type than I am.” I vaguely nod, not convinced, and I realize that if not Freya, someone is going to draw his interest someday. Just like Kate did, just like I did. I want him to be happy, I do, but my chest tightens at the idea that one day, there will be someone else in his heart; someone for whom he’ll be ready to do anything. My eyes sting, and he buries his face in the crook of my neck. “Andy, I didn’t say no to you to say yes to another.”

“You won’t stay alone forever,” I whisper.

“Being with someone is not for me. Being happy is not for me. I wouldn’t have let you go if I were capable of… It’s not a life I get to live.”

            I shake my head again. He has craved for love his entire life, and now he won’t let anyone in, he’s afraid of being loved, and he’s afraid of loving. How can I convince him to take a leap of faith when the horrors of his past actions keep looming over him, whispering in his ear that he doesn’t deserve to be happy or loved or even alive? I don’t know how to mend him.

“How long do we have?” There, I’ve asked it. The one question that scares me.

“I’ll have to leave tomorrow at noon to catch my flight.”

            I don’t say anything, trying to breathe, trying to calm my heart. Tomorrow. After that, he’ll be gone from my life. I don’t know if I can do this. I wipe a tear and turn my saddened face to his. “So this is how we end?”

“Yes.” My chest aches at the simple word, and it takes a tremendous effort to repress desperate sobs.

“We’ve never even…” I cover my face and inhale deeply; I don’t know how to do this. There’s no way out and it’s already been so long.

“I know.” His voice is low, barely louder than a whisper; is it going to break too? “We could… have tonight, if you want.” I look up, and guilt instantly flashes in his eyes at the sight of the tears streaming my face.

“Would one night be enough?”

“No, of course not. Forget it, it was a stupid idea; I’m sorry.” I draw a difficult breath and he pulls me in again, resting his chin on my head and tenderly rubbing my arms and my back.

“I’m sorry for the way I told you I loved you.”

“Why would you be sorry?” I can picture his confused frown without needing to look.

“I didn’t want to use it as a point in an argument to make you stay with me... I pictured something else.” He remains silent, and I fear I’ve said the wrong thing and he’s going to pull away from me, just like he used to when I would come anywhere near this kind of subject. But he doesn’t pull away. I guess he can’t pull away more than he already has.

“How did you picture it?” I shake my head, not wanting to summon this ideal vision, but he kisses my temple and whispers, “Tell me.”

            I sniff and close my eyes, giving a painful shrug at the scene I imagined. “There could have been so many occasions… At some point, I imagined I’d be coming home one morning after jogging. I’d go shower and come back to the kitchen, and you’d be here. And we’d cook breakfast and sit down and talk, and… you’d get all geeky about this scientific magazine you get on Wednesdays. You’d say your usual ‘Twenty-first-century science is insane’ or something like that and I’d just… I don’t know, I’d just say it. I’d say ‘I love you’ and you wouldn’t push me away, or flee, you would…” I trail off, wiping more tears as they roll.

“I what?”

“You’d say it back.” You wouldn’t make me cry. I wouldn’t feel like you don’t want me to love you. He presses several kisses to my skin, trying to comfort me the best he can, but he can’t; not really.

“I can picture it,” he whispers, before taking a shaky breath. “It’s perfect.”

The longest time passes by before my quiet tears fade.

“You were my epic love story,” I whisper. His hold around me tightens.

“And you were mine.”

 

*****

 

            I turn Luke’s ring in my hands, absent-mindedly playing with it. My thoughts are inevitably drawn to the witch who is in the other room, so close and yet so far. He’d booked a hotel in Burlington for tonight, but I was not going to let him out of my sight longer than necessary; I need to have him nearby while I still can. Besides, my couch is comfortable: how many times have I fallen asleep on it on my day off?

            My distracted mind goes back to him and my heart screams to go join him, my entire body longs for his touch, for this one chance to be loved by him, just once. You’ll deal with the consequences later, Andy; you’re going to suffer anyway.

I put Luke’s ring in a jewel box on my nightstand and throw the blankets away, heading to my small living room before I change my mind. It’s dark, but I can see the movement when he turns his head to me. His rings are lying on the coffee table, next to his phone, the four of them. He sits up when I step closer.

“Everything alright?”  I smile sadly; he’ll never stop worrying about me.

“Do you wanna come to my bed?” A tense silence ensues and only then do I realize he could say no. I didn’t really think of that, because if I use his logic, me being away makes a night together no threat to his constant search for pain: he’s not allowing me back into his life so there’s no risk of us being happy.

He reaches for my hand and kisses my palm.

“You know I do.”

            I pull on his hand to make him stand up and he offers no resistance, towering over me and taking in my short Summer PJs. I lift my heels as much as I can and wrap my arms around his neck, while he warps his around my waist, nuzzling in my hair. It shouldn’t hurt like that. It should be fun and playful. We should have all the time in the world.

“I don’t know how to let you go, Andy.”

“You know my opinion on that.” He hands travel slowly on my skin, so, _so_ loving, and I almost want to cry. Our bodies are already warming up, but we both need this moment to last a little while longer. “Kiss me, Parker.”

“Are you sure you want this?” he asks against my skin, his nose already brushing my neck in the lightest, most delicious way possible.

“If it’s to be our last night, we should make it count.” He tenderly brushes my lip with his thumb, before bending down and kissing me.

 

*****

 

            I keep my eyes closed a while longer, relishing the weight of the strong arm resting loosely around my waist, skin to skin. Next to me, Kai is fast asleep, his bare chest and his face pressed against the mattress and the pillow. I watch him for a long time, not necessarily thinking of anything, simply enjoying the moment.

I have lain with men before him. Not that many actually, but enough to make me believe that the physical experience without the deeply-in-love shit was just as good. I was wrong. I mean, you don’t need cheesy feelings to get good sex, thank God for that, but to have the one you love and long for so close to you, to have that one person that makes you whole cherish you with all they have, worship your body with the same devotion as yours, to have your hearts beating as one and to have them kiss your skin endlessly, celebrating you like you’re the most precious thing in the world, this is much more powerful than any one-night-stand I’ve ever had.

            As I breathe in, reveling in the memories of our embraces, a shadow creeps inside my chest and settles around my heart, like a weight that makes me ache from the inside. This was our only night, and the fact that we gave in to what we’ve been yearning for closes the door to any hope of him changing his mind. Last night has brought us closer than we’ve ever been, and it’s also driven us farther away, for good. He’ll never put himself in a position where he could graze happiness, even from the tip of his fingers, which means he’ll never agree to have me back into his life. It’s over.

            I ignore the lump in my throat and discreetly sneak out of bed, waiting to be in the shower to let my tears fall. How can this hurt so much? How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time? _‘I’ve been destroying your heart.’_ I know he has, but not even the slightest silver of dignity wants him gone. I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

            I’m busy preparing breakfast when he steps out of the bathroom; I needed to occupy my mind with something. I’ve decided I would try and be as light as possible, I’ll shed my tears when he’s gone, so that they don’t stain our last moments together.

I work the omelet in the pan, aware of the witch leaning against the doorframe, and I can only imagine his fond look on me.

“Are you going to stand here and watch or are you going to help?” I ask, still focused on the stove.

“I’m going to watch you, of course.” Only then do I turn my face to him and his dopey smile, as he steps forward and gently reaches for my waist, securing me in his arms. “Good morning.” He tenderly kisses my lips and I lean in, happy and desperate. Our bodies heat from this simple embrace, but we don’t move, don’t say anything; we hold on to each other as if reality could disappear and leave us alone together. 

He lets out a deep sigh and there is so much devotion and regret in his eyes that I automatically want to step in and be the one to comfort him. Cause it’s what we do, isn’t it? We’re this Teardrop Duet that successively become each other’s rock whenever we need it most. I brush the back of his neck, relishing the way he closes his eyes and smiles like a satiated cat, before it slowly fades into a sadder smile. “Every single cell in my body and in my brain is begging me to hold on to you while I still can, and never let go.” I hear the words, savor their meaning, and it breaks my heart that he can’t give me more, even though he seems desperate to. He doesn’t know, does he? He doesn’t know how to love me.

“You know I can’t be the only one doing the hoping for the both of us. I’m not actually that strong.”

“I know, and you shouldn’t have to. I’m sorry I ever put that kind of pressure on you, I didn’t mean… I had no idea what I was doing, and even now, I kinda just pretend to. But one thing is certain: I’ll keep doing the dreaming long after I’m gone.” He lifts my chin and brushes my cheek. “I’ll keep dreaming about this incredible woman, who’s saved my life many more times than she’s tried to end it. That I know of, that is.” He kisses me when I smile. “Ah, that woman. She’s got that smile, you know. That smile that just… makes the world a better a place. A man can spend the crappiest day in world history and then… he gets to see that smile and the whole world lights up again. Cause that’s what she does, you know, she just brings the light back into his world. And had the guy one drop of discernment, he’d turn Hell upside down until the devil himself agreed to take what’s left of his soul in exchange for a glimpse of that smile.”

            He rests his forehead on mine, powerless and defeated, and I long to find a way to change his mind, but I know that no matter what I say, he’s too convinced he deserves feeling his heart break like that.

“It’s not right that you should leave me,” I whisper, closing my eyes to keep my burning tears to myself. “You belong with me.”

“I do,” he whispers back, a lone tear rolling on his cheek. “I’m yours, Andy. No matter how many miles away, no matter how many years… I’ll always be yours.”

“Can’t I just make a big, life-changing decision for you?”

“Just like I did for you?” A sad smile is better than nothing. “I wish you could.”

 

After standing in each other’s arms for a long time and after shedding as little tears as possible, we have breakfast in a more cheerful atmosphere than we had lunch and dinner yesterday; not that we’re less sad, but somehow the sun has risen, and we’re beginning to accept that our chapter’s at an end, and that letting go is the natural course of things. We hold hands and gaze at each other, like two lovers who don’t have an expiration date, but deep down we know it’s a lie, and we thoroughly store the memory for it to last us a lifetime, we carve the lines of each other’s face in our hearts, silently vowing never to love anyone else.

            After we’re done with cleaning the dishes, we lie down on the couch for a moment – or rather, he lies down and gently pulls me on top of him. His chest rises and lowers under mine, his arms wrap around me, and he occasionally caresses me.

“This is perfect,” he whispers, his eyes closed. I watch him, tracing the contour of his face, of his nose, his chin, his jaw – that jaw. I wanted to make an honest woman of that jaw. Despair makes it hard to breathe but it shouldn’t come as a surprise; we were doomed from the beginning. We were not a lasting ‘we’.

“We could have that every day,” I can’t resist saying. He keeps his eyes closed, swallowing hard and I press a kiss to his throat.

“I’m sorry, Andy. You are so perfect…” He trails off, and I rest my cheek on his chest, savoring the words. It’s the closest thing to ‘I love you’ he’ll ever say.

“I love you,” I whisper, tears blurring my vision. “I love you.” His only answer is a tighter embrace and the sound of his heart fiercely beating in his chest.

The longest time passes by before I lift my head again, locking eyes with him. “I want you to promise me something.”

“I’m listening,” he says, cautious.

“I know you don’t believe it, but you deserve being loved, and you deserve a shot at happiness, and someday you’re going to realize that. And when that happens, I want you to come and say it to my face. I don’t want a text, or a phone call, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you’re worth it and that you’re going to pursue happiness. Be it a week from now or fifty years from now, you come to me and you say it. Promise me.”

            He watches me for a long time, the wheels of his brain working fast in his blue eyes.

“I promise,” he nods. I am not fooled, I know he only agrees to it because he doesn’t believe it’s ever gonna happen, but I don’t care. Even if we build our lives apart from each other, I’ll never stop loving him, and I want to see a spark back in his eyes one day.

Unable to bear this heaviness crashing me for another minute, I sit up and fish for Luke’s ring, my eyes already stinging.

“It’s time to go say goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. much. sadness.   
> And tears, even in my eyes (not just theirs)   
> I hate that they can't just be together :'''(


	77. Chapter 77

Seventy-Seven

 

            We step out of the car and reach for each other’s hand naturally. Every minute is counted, every second matters. I unlock the front door to my parent’s house, and Alice is the one to greet us. Well, ‘greet’ might be a bit of a strong word: she’s the one downstairs. But for once, Kai has no interest in poking her; he’s quiet and his attention is focused on me.

Jared is still upstairs, talking with Dad. Apparently, it took them a lot of convincing and explaining in order for him to believe Kai could ever be anything else than a deranged killer. I can’t blame him.

            I leave the two leaders to their brief business conversation and go pace in the living room, eventually stopping before the chimney, my arms folded to hide my shaking hands. Saying goodbye to my mom and to Luke brought me a sort of peace, but I don’t know if I can take this third goodbye that scares me so much. I keep telling myself that it’s okay, it’s how things are supposed to be: Mom has been dead for years, Luke for months; I was given extra time with them and I can only be grateful for that. But for Kai… He’s a witch anyway, it could never have worked out in the long run between us. I repeat these words to myself, trying to convince my heart of what my brain already knows; but my throat hurts, my entire body is tense, and I feel like I could cry at any moment. Breathe.

            I sense a presence behind me, and Kai’s hands caress my waist as he wraps his arms around me, holding my back against his chest and saying nothing for a while. Knowing this is our last hour together, I wish we could stay like this forever, but his silence is so oppressing it might just kill me.

“Liv went to visit our dad,” he ends up saying in a low voice. “He gave her the only few pictures of me he never destroyed. There’s one where I’m with Jo… I wish more had survived.”

            I caress his arms, leaning my head on his shoulder. This thought probably came to him because of all the family pictures that face us on the mantelpiece.

“That’s my grand-parents,” I say, pointing at one. “And this baby here, that’s Jared; he’s with his dad.”

“Sweet,” he smiles. “Who’s that?”

“That is Simone, she was in the patio yesterday. She’s Alice’s Godmother.”

“You’re saying this girl here is Alice?” I nod, smiling at the sight of the eight-year-old whose proud grin misses two teeth. “No way.” I chuckle at his disbelief and he kisses my temple. “Oh, and that’s your mom.” My eyes land on the next picture: my parent’s wedding. “Huh, your dad was, like, a handsome guy.”

“Right? And my mom was so beautiful.”

“She was. And so are you,” he purrs in my ear, making me smile. “You are the most beautiful woman on earth.”

I scoff, playfully slapping his arm.

“Don’t you think that’s a tad bit too much?” I mock.

“I think it’s not even enough,” he whispers, pressing kisses in my neck. “You’re not just beautiful in the sense of ‘pretty’. You’re beautiful in every way possible. It’s in the way you smile, and talk, and scowl, and fight, and… look after the people you care about. You’re beautiful when you’re strong and when you’re sad and when you laugh and… when you hate losing. You’re perfect. You’re absolutely perfect.”

            My heart painfully pounds in my chest; how can you be letting him go, Andy? How can you accept that a man who sees you like that, and that you see in the same way – not perfect and yet, absolutely perfect – how can you accept to lose him like that? How can you let shady reasons take him from you? It’s not fair.

But then, was it fair when Mom died? And Luke? When is it fair to lose someone you love?

“I love you,” I whisper, my vision blurring with tears. At this point, there’s nothing else I can say. Even these words are not enough. It’s like my heart is going to do just like my Light and leave me, tearing everything down in its wake. Kai holds me tighter – probably regretting saying these things that made me cry.

I wipe my tears away as we hear footsteps in the stairs; Jared appears, then my dad. The former greets Kai and heads to the kitchen to make coffee for us all, while my dad observes us, saying nothing but assessing every detail that could betray my– _the_ witch.

            When Jared joins us with a coffee tray, Alice following him, Kai is back to commenting pictures. “Wait, is that you?” I can hear the smile in his voice, and for another minute, everything is fine.  

“Hm-mm.”

“You’re so cute,” he grins. “You were, what, five?”

“Yeah; we had this tradition to stay in our PJs on Christmas day.”

“Is that the Christmas where you guys got this Megadrive?”

“I think it is.”

“We got the Megadrive a year later,” Alice simply corrects. Our heads turn to her, and she shrugs.

“Man, we spent hours on that thing,” Jared says with a nostalgic smile, as he hands us a mug. Kai only frees a hand from our embrace, keeping me close to him.

“I bet the Mystic Cave map was your favorite, captain.”

            Alice only pauses for half-a-second when hearing this, before taking her sip. She’s making such efforts not to strangle him.

“How did you know?” Jared asks, filling the threatening silence his wife just invited.

“It’s Andy’s least favorite,” Kai tells him. “Either she was scared of it or she lost a lot of races. Or both.”

Jared happily chuckles while I frown.

“The soundtrack to this map _is_ creepy,” I say. A discreet smirk plays on Alice’s lips – is she lowering her guard while he’s here? Unbelievable. – and it almost feels like this is normal. Almost.

“Can we get to the point?” my dad intervenes, inviting a colder silence to join us.

            We look at him, but his eyes are locked on Kai’s, who lowers his gaze first, already feeling guilty for this moment of near-joy while he’s fated to a life of self-inflicted misery.

“Of course,” the witch says with caution. “I asked Laura how she wanted to do this. She’s said goodbye to Andy already and now she’d like to see Alice first, then Jared, then you, Mr. Moreau. I… have been using magic quite a lot lately and… I won’t be able to keep each of you in there for more than twenty minutes, maybe thirty.”

“It’s better than nothing,” Jared says with a grateful nod.

 

            After that, we sat down at the dining table, not nearly fulfilling this vision I’d had of us being in this room, and Kai sent them in one after the other, giving them a good twenty minutes to say goodbye to my mom.

He didn’t go in, he stayed with me in the land of the living, holding me close in the silent room, pressing tender kisses to my temple or in my hair every now and then. I forced myself to a blank mind while holding his hand, because at this point, the wait was more of a torture than comfort, and I don’t know where this last hour went. Jared was focusing on his mug, absorbed with his own thoughts and I didn’t pay attention to my dad’s unhappy look riveted to Kai. Don’t get me wrong, he’d also been fatherly-protective when I’d first introduced Tommy, but then my high-school sweetheart didn’t have a killing record.

            When Alice came back, she had to leave the room for a minute – she hates being vulnerable in anyone’s eyes as well, I don’t get why Kai and her don’t get along – while Jared was diving in. I imagined Luke ushering my brother-in-law in this house, I imagined the first lieutenant seeing my mom and going back ten years ago, when his own mom passed and when he came to live with us. Mom was such a support to him. I imagined them hug, and her calling him her son and meaning it. They didn’t need to share blood, she’d adopted him, just like she seemed to have adopted Luke during their time in the ring. Her ducklings, she would call us; her children.

            Somehow, it was even harder to watch my dad dive in. It must have been so much for him at once, to discover he could see her and talk to her and that it was the last time he could do that. I also felt guilty, because I’d gotten to spend so much time with her and Luke, while he only had this twenty minutes that Kai tried his best to stretch into a full half-hour. He didn’t say anything, but he was trying to get them as much time together as possible, because we knew what it was like to leave the person you love. Not that I was comparing our relationships, ‘cause my parents obviously spent years loving each other while I’d known the witch for ten minutes, but when you love someone so much it hurts, time doesn’t really matter, because in the moment, there’s only them, and they’re everything.

            When Dad opened his eyes again, we remained silent for an entire minute. He finally tore his gaze from the ring and, just like Alice and Jared had, he thanked Kai for letting him say goodbye; he even shook his hand.

“Laura has a message for you,” he added, locking eyes with the witch. “She says ‘Thank you, my duckling.’.”

            They held gaze until the words sank in, and Kai’s eyes filled with tears as he nodded. Dad knew what this meant to Mom, but he probably had no idea what this meant to him; that a mom would claim him as hers, that she would choose him. One more proof that he was enough, that he was worth being loved, and that yes, there were people out there who thought he was worth it.

            Standing up was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, because this was it, he was leaving. The man I loved, my teammate, my ally, my friend. I walked him out and we silently held on to each other’s hand until the last moment. We stood before the house for a while, not nearly-long enough though, and what we said during those last minutes… well, that’s between him and me, but he didn’t say _the_ words, if you’re wondering. I watched him walk to his car and then drive far away from me, hurt, and somehow relieved to have said goodbye properly. I stayed out there, watching the road well after the car had disappeared from my vision, pondering over all that I had gained and lost, while Alice came to stand next to me, and we didn’t speak for a long time.

            It’s crazy to think that in the course of two years, I had lived more intensely than ever. I had spied and partied and laughed, I had fought and worked and cried. I had gained a best friend, and I had lost him. I had made decisions, mistakes, fixed situations, argued, apologized, hated and loved, grieved and forgiven. This mission had brought me more than my fair share of tears and suffering, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing, because I knew that one day, not tomorrow, not next month, but one day, I’d get better, and all those memories would be a life-long treasure.

My name is Andy Moreau, and this was my story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fortunately, my story doesn’t end here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**************

 

 

 

**_McKinley, Virginia – March 2015_ **

 

            Kai enters the _Scull Bar_ , holding back a yawn. He could use a good night’s sleep to be honest, so he’ll probably won’t stay late. When his phone rings once, he can’t help the usual smile to shape his lips at the sight of this recent selfie he took with his nieces, the one that greets him every time he unlocks the device. It always reminds him of how they crawl on all fours to him whenever he visits.

He then taps on the picture representing him and Luke, opening their conversation window – _Heard the news! Congrats!! And thank you! I’m heading to Vermont in the morning but I’ll be joining you soon to celebrate! Love ya xxx_

Kai ignores the stir in his chest at the simple mention of Vermont. He knows who Luke is going to see up there and he tries really hard _not_ to get jealous. Which is not a success.

He walks up to the bar and sits on a stool, leaving his younger sister to her customers before she turns her attention to him.

“You look like shit,” she offers as a greeting, not smiling.

“That’s why I came to you,” he retorts, faking politeness. “Because you’re a true ray of sunshine.”

            The younger witch simply lifts a blasé eyebrow at him, setting his usual soda before him, while he absent-mindedly fiddles with his phone.

“Are you gonna call her at some point?” she asks flatly. Kai briefly looks up, then back at the phone. Usually, they sort of leave him alone with this, but now that he’s done, he should expect them all to lecture him. “Luke called her, you know.”

“Perfect,” he says, clenching his jaw. Not that he’s angry with his brother for telling her, but now he doesn’t have any reason to call; no reason to hear her voice and imagine all the things he could say to her. Understanding part of his reasoning, Liv sighs.

“She’s waiting for _you_ to call, you stupid head. She wants to hear it from you.”

“Alright,” he snarls unhappily. “I’ll tell her.”

Liv walks away to take an order, which gives Kai enough time to remember a conversation he had with Bonnie, one that won’t leave his mind:

_“Thanks,” he pants, massaging his painful throat, “I wasn’t sure whether you were gonna save me.”_

_Bonnie lifts an unbothered brow at him, before tossing the secateurs she used to kill the unknown vampire that attacked him by surprise, and walking away._

_“I wasn’t sure either, to be honest.”_

_He follows her outside the cave, keeping a distance between them so she doesn’t feel threatened by his presence, and remains silent as they head to the Salvatore house. They’ve done their share, Damon can get rid of the body._

_“Any news of your brother?” she asks after a moment of uncomfortable silence._

_“He left Oregon yesterday, I heard he was visiting Andy in Vermont,” he says, envying him so much it hurts. He shrugs, trying to hide the pain._

_“I thought he’d stay with Liv, now that he’s back.”_

_“His death was announced in Virginia, he couldn’t really stay around here so he’s decided to travel for some time.” By the end of this school year, Liv will graduate and she’ll be able to go settle wherever he can live without a magical glamour._

_“Andy must be happy to have him.” He nods, clenching his jaw and taking in the pain. Go ahead, Bonnie, kick in the wound, he owes it to you to bear it. “Real question is: what are_ you _still doing here?” He slows down and frowns, coming to a stop when her question sinks in. She’s never asked him anything personal._

_He shrugs again, uncertain this time._

_“Lots of bad people to take care of?”_

_“Come on, ever since we put an end to Katherine’s last attempt at killing us all from hell, we haven’t had any enemy to fight.”_

_Kai doesn’t comment on the weird doppelgänger thing Elena had going on with this undead vampire that came back to haunt her; Bonnie wouldn’t enjoy any joke about evil twins the way Damon, Enzo or Alaric would._

_“Uh, what do you call that vampire who was trying to gut me five minutes ago?”_

_“I’d call him sensible,” she mutters before answering, “We’re the ones who came to find him because he was feeding on people, and you’re the one who talked to him until he felt like gutting you.”_

_“So?”_

_“So, you’re not fooling anyone, you know. You obviously still love her and you miss her. There’s no threat here anymore, meaning you can either allow Andy back here, or join her for a happily-ever-after.”_

_He averts his face, trying to keep his disillusioned smile to himself._

_“Well I still need to take care of the merge, otherwise Lizzie and Josie will–”_

_“Don’t use your nieces as an excuse: you can work on suppressing the merge from anywhere, including from Vermont.”_

_His heart sprints in his chest; she’s right. Nothing prevents him from– “What do you even care?”_

_“I don’t. I’m just growing tired of seeing your miserable face everywhere I go. It’s almost like you’re doing everything you can to_ not _be happy.” He doesn’t look at her, only his jaw sets tighter, and she understands she guessed right. “You’re doing this on purpose,” she realizes._

_“Not that it’s any of your business–”_

_“It is my business. Andy’s my friend and you’re making her unhappy on purp–”_

_“It’s not about her,” he snaps, his voice shaking. “It’s about me. I’m making_ me _unhappy.”_

_“To what end?” She watches tears well in his eyes, as he chews on his lip to keep them in._

_“I don’t deserve it,” he whispers, not looking at her. “After all I’ve done, all the pain I’ve caused, to you, to my family… I don’t deserve a shred of happiness. It wouldn’t be fair to you, to any of you.”_

_Bonnie stares for a long time, thinking. Enzo has killed people too, and she doesn’t have a problem loving him and seeing him happy. Kai Parker has been the only sensitive subject between them, because he’s Enzo’s friend and Bonnie still can’t– She exhales. What would her Grams think, if she could see how much satisfaction she just got from hearing that this man, who hurt her so badly, has made it his mission to remain utterly miserable for the rest of his life? She’d understand, but she wouldn’t be proud._

_“I wouldn’t mind,” she ends up saying, causing him to finally look at her, confused. She shrugs, turning around and resuming her walk. “At least I wouldn’t have to see your face on a weekly basis.”_

            Kai closes his eyes, exhaling deeply. Through this conversation, Bonnie gave him her green light months ago, and he longs to go join Andy, he still thinks of her and of the life he’d want with her but can he? It seems too much for him, unattainable; he doesn’t know how to be strong enough to overcome everything that keeps him from her. He can’t.

            Liv comes back, not nearly done with him.

“You know the Saltzmans and the Forbes are coming over from Dallas next week,” she says, “you realize that Jo won’t be taking no for an answer now that you’re done with the merge.”

“Do you _have_ to be so annoying?” he winces unhappily.

“Just saying, you know how she gets: if she senses that you’re still into Andy, which you totally are, she’ll fly your plane to Vermont herself.”

            The Gemini leader closes his eyes again, trying to figure out why it’s so hard to simply go join her. He can live without her in his life, of course he can, he can even have moments of joy with his friends, his siblings, his nieces… but it’s not enough. He wants more. Every inch of him misses her; her smile, her laugh, the brush of her skin on his body; he dreams of showing up on her doorstep and telling her that he’s ready to be with her, for real this time. He wants it with every fiber of his heart. And yet…

Kai rubs his face. He can’t believe he’s been paying that shrink a fortune for two years and he’s still trapped in his own mind like that. It’s _not_ fair. Or is it? Because it used to be, but now? It’s all confused now; what he wants but can’t have or be or give, what he should and should not allow himself to do…. He really thought he had a breakthrough with all this when telling Dr Sandstone how he wanted to view Luke’s lot of emotions as a chance to spread joy to the people he loves, and not as his own personal curse; Luke’s qualities are no curse. Because after all, he’s been given the emotional capacity of two. Yes, he’s been weeping like two and hurting like two, but he also gets to laugh with his nieces and bicker with his sisters, vibrating with love for them like two. So why not give it all to her? Why not why not why not?

            He opens his eyes when sensing Liv squeeze his wrist, her eyes full of a solemn kindness she rarely allows for him. “It’s alright, brother. You get to be happy too.”

Kai stares for the longest time, not really understanding where this weight in his chest just went. He stares and she stares right back.

She’s right.

He does get to be happy. His gaze slowly lowers to his phone, as it all becomes clear to him: he _is_ a good person. He’s been helping, saving people, making it right. He can’t erase what he’s done, but he can keep doing good for the people he loves – and he doesn’t _have_ to be miserable to do that.

            Allowing a true smile to slowly shape his mouth, he looks up at his sister, grateful for her own version of support and for the simple words that freed him. Just like that, the door is unlocked. The other side is wide and grand and scary and unwritten, but it’s his. He’s free. Of course he’s allowed to go join her and try his best to convince her that he’s worth fighting for. Of course it’s alright that he fights for a life with the woman he loves. He wants it all.

Kai stands up, leaving a bill on the counter and grabbing his phone. On his way out, he walks past Damon and Elena holding hands, and the vampire frowns at him, confused.

“I thought we were celebrating the abolishing of the merge today,” he tells Liv.

From behind the bar, the young witch gives him a conniving smirk.

“Celebrate away, Damon. He’s going to get the girl.”

            Elena’s smile appears at once, and Damon looks at the door where his friend disappeared.

“About time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOP WHOOP! Finally some good news in the air!!  
> I was still SO sad for them at the beginning of this chapter but hopefully, it's not all over yet! ;)   
> I'm just so proud Kai has been doing the work on himself and finally got that moment when it clicked in for him. Let's hope Andy will still be interested...   
> See you on Saturday for the before-last chapter! :*


	78. Chapter 78

Seventy-eight

 

_**Burlington, Vermont – March 2015** _

 

            I load the washer, add detergent, and press start. Whew, after this laundry, I’ll be officially done with my day. Not that I’m getting too old for this, but Sabrina might be right about four clients a day being a bit too much. I should probably settle for three a day. Actually, didn’t she say that the Lopez were going on a vacation next week? Not having Maria to coach three times a week will be a good-enough rest for now but after that, I’ll need to ask my cousin how we can clean up my schedule. I should talk to her about that next Sunday when we get together at Dad’s for lunch, but I should definitely be careful _not_ to make it sound like I’m exhausted, otherwise she’s gonna insist on giving me more time off, and I can’t just take advantage of the family company like that. Or maybe I can ask her to trade a Pilates session for a yoga class? That could work.

            I repress a yawn, distractedly glancing at the living room clock on the wall, as I head to the couch, letting out a sigh of ease as I finally let it swallow me. That’s it, I’m never leaving this couch. I grab the unopened mail on the coffee table and press a button on the landline phone, causing it to spill all the voicemail of the day. A loving smile stretches my lips as my dad’s voice fills my non-so-big living room. Yes, Dad, I already agreed to stay and help you pick up the Mirabelle-plum in the garden this weekend.

Next message is from another male voice that I love, one that, a year ago, I would never have thought I’d get to hear again.

Luke’s.

            “Hey, Dee, it’s me again. Look, I wanted to tell you in person but it can’t really wait: he did it! Kai has suppressed the merge, it’s done. Which means there is _nothing_ standing in your way now. So here’s how it’s gonna go: you either call him tonight, like the grown woman you are, or you wait for me to get back from Oregon tomorrow so I can hold your hand while you call. Text me when you get this; love ya.”

            I exhale deeply, watching the phone for a long time.

Alright. It’s done, then. How do I do this? Probably fearing the uncertainty and insecurity that are claiming me at the moment, my brain decides to block the news of the Gemini merge being in the past by playing a memory in my head; the memory of a scene that took place five months ago, a memory that I cherish and that calms me every time I think of it:

            _I look at my phone and smile when seeing Sabrina’s text. Apparently, another person is interested in being trained by me. Some rich lady who just gave birth and who wants to get back into shape. If I can land this client, it’ll take me two months to reimburse what’s left of my loan. I text my cousin back, thanking her once more for placing her trust in me like that. It shouldn’t come as a surprise: all retiring Lightbringers are hired as trainers in the family fitness company that keeps us afloat. You don’t have to work there, of course, but it’s a rather easy way for us to earn a living._

_I’m about to enter the bathroom when I get another text. Kai Parker –_ Can I call you? _My heartbeat sprints, not knowing whether it’s utterly happy or utterly panicking. I answer by the affirmative and less than a minute later, my phone is ringing. We haven’t talked in months._

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi,” he says, uneasy. “How are you?”_

_“Doing good,” I reply, wincing when hearing how unnatural my voice sounds. “Keeping busy; you?”_

_“Pretty okay. I… Can you sit down?”_

_“Why? Who’s dead?” I ask, already imagining the worst._

_“No one died, Andy, chill. Just… please, sit down.”_

_I comply with a sigh._

_“Seated. Now are you going to tell me what’s going on?”_

_“Stop freaking out; it’s good news.”_

_“Good news don’t usually require me to sit down.”_

_“It’s a really good one. Ready? Okay… Remember we were launching the new Other Side today? Well, we did; massive success: the Other Side 2.0 is operational, your ancestors got through, your mom waved goodbye, we’re good._ But _, I have been working on something on my own, didn’t tell anyone ‘cause I didn’t want to get your hopes up but… I did it. It worked.”_

_“What worked? I’m not following.”_

_“While they were all casting this complicated spell to relaunch it, I was busy with another spell. I was in charge of the Anchor.”_

_I frown, mobilizing my knowledge about this. Bonnie used to be the Anchor to the Other Side when I met her: she had a foot in the land of the living and a foot over there, and all supernaturals who died would go through her to leave this world. She was the bridge._

_“You turned someone into the Anchor?” I let out, mesmerized that he would inflict this kind of pain to anyone._

_“Sort of. Remember how part of the Anchor belongs to the dead, and another part belongs to the living? Well, I may or may not have asked Freya to… separate the two...” He trails off, and I hold my breath for some reason. “Long story short, she took advantage of the massive impulse of magic that was used for the Other Side in order to… tie Luke to it.” My mind goes blank. What did he just say? “…magically sealed his ashes into this tree near the Salvatore house, that’s the part of him that belongs to the dead; and the part of him that was saved in the ring… I tied to the living. He’s back. He’s alive. And now that Liv has agreed to let go of his hand, I’m pretty sure he’s on his way to see you.”_

            Needless to say I cried that day. I cried when talking with Kai, I cried when Luke actually got to my place and when I was able hold him in my arms for real. After all this time, after losing him and reuniting with him and saying goodbye because there was no way back for him… after all this, they’d found a way. Kai had.

I cried the whole night my friend was here, and I never told him I’d spent an entire hour watching him sleep on my couch when I woke up the next day, still not believing that he was truly back. Bottom line is: I’m a crybaby _and_ a creep.

            One ringtone from my phone brings me back to the present and air leaves my lungs. Kai Parker – _Are you home?_

Oh God, he’s going to call. This is it. What do I do? How do I say all I have to say? What if he gets angry? What if he hates me? I exhale deeply, trying to calm down. I’ve been a chicken for long enough. I should call him. I’m going to. Right now. Do it, Andy.

I try not to think as I confirm my being home by a simple text. Alright. Deep breaths. You can do this. You’re a goddamn superhero, nothing can take you down. Not even the man you love.

            I hear knocks on my door and frown unhappily. Go away, I’m waiting for the call of my life. I wait for an entire minute, watching my phone, dreading the call as much as I long for it – or maybe more – and I hear knocks again. I impatiently get up and head to the door, determined to send away whoever chose to bother me now. This is so not the right moment for anyone to– I freeze when I open the door, because Kai Parker is not somewhere in Virginia, pondering whether he wants to talk to me. He’s on my doorstep. Here, in Vermont.

            Have you ever been in a car crash and there was nothing you could do? There is this terrifying half-second when you realize what’s happening and you remember that this time, just this once, you didn’t put your seat belt on. It all happens very quickly but somehow time doesn’t mean anything anymore, because you know how this is gonna end. You regret making that choice, that mistake, because you’ve heard countless stories and recommendations and you _know_ what you should have done. How difficult can it be to put the damn seat belt on? It doesn’t take six seconds. And it could have saved you. So why didn’t you?

How difficult can it be?

“Hi,” he smiles almost shyly.

            I’m so busy trying to register his presence that I don’t even see the way he takes me in, his gaze caressing my entire body like I’m still the most beautiful, most precious thing in the world.

“Kai,” I say. He’s here. I close my mouth when I realize I’m gaping. “I thought you were gonna call.”

“I probably should have, I just– I couldn’t wait to see you. You look great, by the way.”

“Thanks,” I say, briefly looking at my clothes self-consciously. “Loungewear is not my sexiest.”

“Everything is your sexiest,” he lets out in a breath. I look up, loving how his cheeks slightly color. We stare for the longest time and he briefly closes his eyes, as if trying to think. “I wanted to talk to you if that’s okay.”

“Sure,” I nod.

“May I come in?” he asks, already stepping forward but I block his way without thinking, holding the door closer to me. And I hate how his eyes fill with pain at this small sign of rejection. I believe my face is covered in guilt when he realizes, “You’re not alone, are you?”

“No.”

“Right.” He tries to smile, never letting you see the pain. “I mean, of course, I couldn’t expect you to be alone, I–”

“Oh, God, no,” I cut him off, understanding what it must look like. “It’s not like that, there’s no– There’s no man here.”

“Oh. Okay.” He frowns, uncertain. “I’m not sure I can compete if you’re into women now.”

Compete? Did he just say he’s here to compete? Or is he trying to ease the atmosphere?

“Well, I haven’t been so far but who knows.”

“Right.” Silence lingers and I clear my throat.

“You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes. I… Huh, I prepared this entire speech, while I was on the plane. I even wrote you a letter; not just one actually, I’ve been writing to you a lot but I wrote another one on the plane, things that I want to tell you and it sounded good, you know, but I’m here now and I’m forgetting everything–”

“Parker,” I cut in gently, “you don’t need a speech or a letter to talk to me. Tell me.”

“Right.” He nods, bracing himself, and says, “Last time I saw you, you made me promise something.” My heart is already beating louder in my chest, probably understanding where he’s going with that, but I can’t make hasty conclusions, not just yet. Because if he’s here to tell me he wants to go after happiness and that he met someone that–  Breathe, Andy. “I was to come to you one day, when we’d be old and senile, and tell you face to face that… you were right. About me, about everything. You were right. I… I have done terrible things that are not okay and it’s going to be the work of my life to atone, but… I don’t have to– I don’t _deserve_ to be miserable the whole time.”

He takes a deep breath, letting the words come out and savoring them as much as he fears them, because it’s the first time he says them out loud; it’s the first time he actually feels legitimate in this existence. “I save people and I help people, and… I’m a good person, you know, and… I think I deserve being alive because I deserve a chance to make it right, and… I know you’ve said it before, dozens of times, and so did Jo and Luke and Damon and Enzo and Laura and my therapist, but I didn’t… I didn’t think it was true, I didn’t _feel_ it. But Liv said something today, she said that… I get to be happy too, and it just… clicked in. It had never felt true before but now it does… So I have come to tell you that I believe I am worth being loved and that I want to; be loved. By you, mostly. I… I love you, Andy.” I can see tears in his eyes now, but I can also see his smile and this twinkle of hope in his eyes. “I love you with all my heart, with… all my Light. I fell in love with you the moment you got mad at the male characters in _Jane Eyre_. I love everything about you, from the way you look at me to the way we argue, I love everything. And I’m sorry it took me so long to say it, I know you needed me to say it sooner and I– I mean, I can’t believe how easy it is now… I love you, and I want to be with you and love you every day and do cheesy couple things with you; I want to build a life with you and make you happy and be happy with you. And I know that’s a… messy lot of things that I want, but I can picture it. And all I need for it to be perfect is you. I’m ready now, I’m all in. If it’s still something that you want, that is.”

            He stops talking, watching me intently, waiting for my reaction, and I don’t even realize right away it’s my turn to speak. I have wished to hear these words so many times, I’m not sure I’ve entirely registered he’s finally said them. I try to blink my tears back – I’m telling you: a crybaby! – and take a cautious step forward.

“Say it again?” I request.

“I love you. I’ve loved you for so long…” He trails off when I wrap my arms around him and revel in the strong, warm embrace I have missed so much. He breathes in my scent, just like I do his, and I swear to myself I’ll never let him go again.

“I love you too.”

“Oh, thank God,” he sighs, and I can’t help but chuckle at his relief.

“Thank you for coming to tell me.”

“Thank you, for believing in me and for loving me when I didn’t.”

Our lips find their way back to each other, and the long, loving kiss we share has nothing to do with what it used to be. It always felt like he was taking the time to cherish me, but now it’s not something he’s afraid of. He wants to love me and he wants me to love him. Being here with him is so solemn, so peaceful; it feels right and endless. I’ll never stop kissing him, I know that now. “I’ve missed that,” he purrs in my ear, brushing a hand in my hair.

“What else have you missed?” I reply more playfully.

“My serenades.” I can’t repress a hearted laugh and he kisses me again. “Your laugh. I love your laugh.”

“I love your smile.”

“I know you do.” I nudge him and he offers me this wide, happy grin that warms my heart. “I’ve wasted so much time not being with you… I’m sorry it took so long, and I’m sorry I took advantage of your Light to send you away. I’m yours now, for real. And I’ll never let you go.”

“You’d better not.” This chuckle, this spark in his eyes; I have missed it so much. He gives me several urgent kisses, as if he couldn’t get enough of me, as if he couldn’t wait for our adventure to truly begin. He’s finally vanquished his fears and he’s ready to let me in. I’m so proud of him and so happy that he’s finally giving us a real chance that I kiss him back with equal fervor and impatience.

“You, perfect woman. How about we step inside and go make out your couch like teenagers?”

            I instantly lose my smile, his words summoning me back to reality. Right. Um. How do I do this?

“I wanna do that. A lot. But, um… there’s something I have to tell you, first.” He watches me intently, assessing my sudden uneasiness.

“Andy, whoever is in your apartment, I’ll be civilized. I probably won’t use magic.”

“It’s not– It’s not about…” I inhale deeply. Oh wow, I’ve never regretted a decision so deeply. But on the other hand, I know that if given the opportunity to do it all again, I wouldn’t be brave enough to do it right.

“You’re scaring me a bit, do you realize that?”

“Don’t be scared,” I say, trying to keep my eyes from filling with tears again at the thought of losing him again, “just– please, don’t hate me?”

“Andy… babe, I’ve travelled all the way to tell you that I love you and that I want to spend every day of my life making you happy… I could never hate you.”

“Well, you say that now…” I caress his shoulder, savoring how close he stands and how his arms are still around me, like he’s never going to let me go. Please, don’t. “You will,” I say, burying my face in his chest. “I wish you wouldn’t but you will.”

“Okay, listen to me.” He lifts my chin so I look at him and gently wipes my tears with his thumb. “Did you kill someone I love _while_ you had your feelings on?” My face falls.

“What? Of course not–”

“Then trust me when I say: I can never hate you. Okay? I’m crazy about you and I’m not gonna let _anything_ stand between us anymore, you hear me?” I nod, but I’m seriously not sure. I sniff and take a deep breath. There’s no going back now.

 

            I let him in my apartment and his eyes remain on me as I close the door. I take a couple steps toward the living room, wiping my sweaty palms on my yoga pants. You can do this, Andy. I turn around to face him and don’t let myself time to chicken away, “I was supposed to call you tonight. To tell you. Because you were done with the merge and… well, if I didn’t, Luke would have made sure I’d call you tomorrow.”

            He slowly nods, assessing my discomfort. I’ve never been shy about telling him things – well, except how I felt for him, because I knew he didn’t want to hear it – so he’s probably getting a sense of how serious it is, of how deeply he doesn’t want to hear this. “Last time I saw you–”

            I don’t start at the interruption but close my eyes in regret. It’s so not the right moment. Before me, Kai slightly frowns, looking around until his eyes land on the baby monitor on the coffee table, on the small red light signaling it’s active. His eyes come back to me as the cries fill the room. I open my mouth, close it, open it again. “Excuse me.”

I flee his eyes, his reaction, and make for the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I can almost picture Kai’s face crumbling in the living room as he hears my voice through the small device. “Hey, sweetheart, why are you crying like that? Are you done sleeping? You don’t want to sleep anymore? No? Okay, come here, come to mommy. Here we go. You want that? And Mr. Knuckles? Alright, let’s go for a walk.” I carefully close the door behind me, waiting for the last moment to look at Kai.

            The witch is staring at the eleven-months-old in my arms, his mouth slightly open, as he probably tries to register, to understand this sight. The light skin under the thin, light brown hair, the round, chubby cheeks, the happy babbles over the pacifier, the red, cartoonish stuffed-hedgehog. I hold the small and warm body closer to me, drawing courage in the familiar scent of his baby shampoo, while Kai is trying to remember when I ever said I had a baby. I didn’t.

“You– This is…”

“This is Lucas.” A dumbfounded silence ensues.

“You have a baby,” he states, eyes wide. “You have… you have a son.”

“I should have told you, I just– I didn’t know how.”

“It’s a baby,” he repeats, as if I hadn’t realized that already.

“Yes.”

“It’s a baby and it’s yours.”

“Yes–”

“When did you have a baby? How do I not know this?” His voice is so low, almost broken, and I try my best to keep going. You can do this.

“I’m sorry, I honestly didn’t know how–”

“But it’s a _baby_.”

“Hey, I know,” I snap. He clenches his jaw at my impatience. Not cool, Andy; he’s just trying to process.

“Any other life changing news I didn’t get? Did you also get married? And divorced? And married again?”

“What?”

“We have phones, I– I let you know about every major event in my life; about my nieces, my sisters, Luke… Was I so out of your life that you wouldn’t even tell me you had a _child_? Is this how things would have been if it’d taken me longer? I would have come to you one day and found out about your grand-children?”

His eyes slowly fill with tears but my voice is stuck in my throat. He quickly wipes his tears and settles determined eyes on mine, erasing the pain and betrayal from his face. We never used to keep secrets from each other. “You know what, it doesn’t matter.” I’m sure he sees my face fall at his words, because he quickly adds, “ _Of course_ , it matters. Your _son_ matters, he’s your son. What I’m saying is: it doesn’t change anything to how I feel about you and to what I want. I love you, Andy. I love you and I want a life and an afterlife with you, and I know what you expect from life, I knew that you wanted to have children someday, and by coming here I was accepting that. And though I was… not prepared for it be so soon, I knew what I was getting into.”

His cheeks are coloring again, though the rest of his face looks rather pale. He takes a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m not an expert and I don’t know what kind of dynamic you have going on with his dad but… we can figure it out. I’m here and I’m ready to face everything with you, and I’m good with kids. I mean, I wasn’t allowed to be much involved with my siblings but I got to spend time with my nieces and I can change a baby, and feed them and bathe them and amuse them for an entire three hours and… I can be whatever you want me to be for him. I’m in; all in. Now, please, say something, because I’m– I’m really freaking out right now.”

            The tears clouding my vision now are more about relief. The only thought playing on my mind is that he’s not running away from me. He is shocked, and scared, but he’s here. Here to stay.

“You don’t– You’re not leaving again?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No. I want you to stay, I’ve always wanted you to stay, but you– This is… a lot. I didn’t think you’d ever want…” My voice disappears, getting stuck in my throat. I heard him right, right? He said he wants–

“That’s why you didn’t tell me about your son,” he realizes, his eyes wide with regret.

“I thought you wouldn’t want… That you’d never…”

He painfully closes his eyes and shakes his head to himself.  

“Andy, I’m so sorry… I was in such a bad place that the mere idea of children was… I’m sorry for leading you to keep it from me… something _so_ important…” He shakes his head again, powerless, and I can’t bear to hear him apologize, not when I’m the one who kept it from him all this time.

“Please, don’t be sorry, I… There’s something you need to–” Baby cries interrupt me again and I purse my lips, holding a wince. You never learn from your mistakes, Andy, do you? Kai’s eyes land on Lucas in my arms, a confused frown taking over his face as he realizes that he’s not the source of these cries. He slowly turns his head again to the baby monitor, while I head back to the bedroom, leaving the door open behind me this time. I have nothing else to hide.

            I step into the tidy-enough room, heading to the second crib.

“Hey, honey, you’re up too? Why are you crying? You thought you were alone?” The cries quiet as the dark blond-haired little girl watches me, her big blue eyes intent on me, trying to guess whether I’m going to pick her up. By the way she stands unsteadily, holding to the white bars of her bed, I’m getting a sense she’s done sleeping as well. “Lucas, I’m going to put you down and pick up your sister. Yes?” I nod my head and Lucas nods with me. As long as he doesn’t say No, we’re good. I gently put him down, making sure he holds the bars and is steady on his feet before I let go. He’s already throwing his pacifier away – I’m not going to fetch it for you, my love – and babbling with Laura.

“Here we go,” I say, lifting her warm little body. “Thank you, mommy,” I say, using that higher-pitched voice next-to-all mothers use when talking to their little child. “Lucas, don’t eat that. What is it? Give it to mommy, sweetheart. Please, give it to mommy. Thank you, darling.”

            I gather the courage I have left and turn around to face him. He looks like I just threw a lethal weapon at his heart. I so, so, so should have told him. I always make the same mistake.

“They’re twins.” His voice is barely audible. Shock. And possibly a heart attack.

“They are.”

            He opens his mouth but doesn’t speak, not letting them out of his sight. This silence could be very heavy if Lucas and Laura weren’t having their own conversation – which, I am sure, has meaning to them.

“How old are they?” You know the answer to that.

“Eleven months.”

            These two words seem to resonate for an eternity. He swallows hard, still staring at them, while his eyes fill with tears again and his chin shakes once or twice, as he probably tries very hard not to cry. Or faint. Or run.  

“They’re mine, aren’t they?” I nod, before confirming aloud. The witch brushes a hand over his mouth, still watching them. I’m pretty sure to know what memory is playing on his mind. It’s the moment we realized we didn’t have condoms that night, because none of us had expected to have sex with anyone anytime soon. But we were both healthy and I was still on the pill… Surely there was no risk. Especially when you think of all these couples who try so hard for so long to have children; it can take them years sometimes. What is one night in the face of months and years? “I think I need to sit down.”

“Okay,” I let out, watching him squat down, his back against the wall. I don’t know what he’s thinking right now, I don’t even know whether he’s thinking or whether his brain just shut down. It’s a lot to process. I know it took _me_ a moment. I’ll never forget the day Alice quietly sat me down in the garden after a family lunch during which she’d spent her time staring at me with her own version of wide eyes. When she told me about this tenuous, barely visible Light she could see dance around my belly, I didn’t believe her. Or didn’t want to. But I knew right away that it was a Gemini Light that was growing in my womb. And from this moment on, I was lost as of what to do.

“I should have told you, I’m so sorry I didn’t. I didn’t know how.” His eyes lift to me, not angry, not hateful, simply absorbing the news.

“You didn’t know how to tell me you– that we… _we_ , were…”

“Pregnant,” I finish when he doesn’t seem to find the word. He vaguely nods, swallowing hard, trying to draw deep breaths. “You didn’t want to have children. Ever. And you were gone. And I was afraid that you’d hate me. Or them. Or both. I was afraid you wouldn’t come if I told you, and I was afraid that you would; I was afraid they wouldn’t be enough for you to stay, and I was afraid they would be while _I_ wasn’t… I was afraid you’d stay because you felt like you had to, that you’d feel trapped again… I didn’t know how. And then you were working on the Other Side and Luke got back to life and he wanted me to tell you, but you were working on suppressing the merge and that’s important for them too, so he made me promise I’d tell you on the very day you’d call me about the merge.”

            He brushes a hand over his mouth again, shaking his head to himself, observing them.

“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me,” he whispers. “I… honestly can’t know for sure what I would have done. I like to think I would have come back to be with you and raise them, no questions asked, but I was not– I was not ready to....” He shakes his head to himself again, his eyes still wide and focused on Lucas, who is now trying to take a step on his own but won’t, so he squats down and crawls on all fours to the one person who is sitting on the floor, which _has_ to be for the sole purpose of talking to him and amusing him.

When he reaches his target, Lucas taps twice with his hand on Kai’s leg – his way of announcing he wants someone’s attention. The witch seems to be hypnotized with the sight of him, and I am hypnotized with his reaction. “We have children,” he whispers to himself. “We have babies.” He swallows hard again, trying to follow the one-way conversation the little boy offers him, drooling over his own hand – I bet you regret throwing that pacifier away now, darling.

            Kai tears his eyes from him to cautiously ask me, “Can I hold him?”

“He’s yours too,” I smile, touched that he is more curious about them than angry with me.

“Right. I mean, I know– It’s just that he still feels a little bit more yours than mine at the moment. Hi, Lucas,” he says, instinctively employing this slightly higher tone, as he lifts him with utter care, “I’m daddy.” He loses his smile, looking up at me. “I mean… is it okay for them to call me daddy? Cause I haven’t been–”

“You are daddy,” I cut in gently. And there is so much relief and gratitude in his eyes that I know at this very moment that we’ll be okay. Maybe not right away – I wouldn’t be mad if he were to hold a grudge because I didn’t tell him sooner – but someday, we’ll be just fine. After all, he’s come to find me and have a life with me; he said himself that he was not opposed to children anymore but discovering the twins like this… I know he understands why I didn’t tell him sooner but I can’t help feeling so guilty about it. He should have known. He deserved to know. Even if he’d made a decision that would have broken my heart again.  

I hold Laura closer, watching Kai marvel at Lucas, at his son. I heard he’s grown very attached to his nieces, is it what changed his view about children? I guess Jo was right about him; he couldn’t keep away from them.

I exhale and walk up to them, sitting down next to Kai, our folded knees slightly touching. Lucas is playing with the button of Kai’s– _his father’s_ shirt, and Kai is beatifically grinning at the sight, registering each sound he makes.

“Look at him,” he whispers, amazed. “He’s perfect. Like… genuinely perfect.”

“Thank you,” I let out proudly. He turns his face to me, looking at me as if I’d just accomplished a miracle in front of him, before growing absorbed with the other baby in the room. “This is Laura,” I say.

“After your mom,” he smiles, offering his hand so that she can investigate these highly-intriguing rings on his fingers. “She’s beautiful.” His face lights up as he realizes, “I have a daughter.”

“Are you crying?”

“I think I am,” he laughs through his tears. “I mean, look at them. They’re so… perfect… They’re tiny human beings and… How can you even look away from them? Do you even get any sleep?”

“Not answering that just yet; I don’t want you to flee right away.” He laughs happily, his eyes filling with tenderness as he looks from one twin to the other. “Though you could. If you wanted to. Cause that’s a lot.”

“I’m not letting them out of my sight,” he whispers, his eyes glued to them. “You did all this by yourself.”

“My family helped. My dad and Jared are crazy about them.”

“I bet they are. What about Alice?”

“She won’t say so, ‘cause she is a serious leader and all, but they keep her on her toes all day.” He has this smile, one that reaches to his eyes and warms my heart.

“My babies vanquished the all-mighty head of the Lightbringers. I love them already.” His smile somewhat fades. “I can’t believe no one told me. Don’t get me wrong, I get that you weren’t– But the others, my sisters…”

“They don’t know either. I didn’t want to ask them to keep it from you, and I didn’t want any of them to know as long as you didn’t. It’s weird, I know.... but it wasn’t fair somehow. Jared has been dying to tell you. Or Liv. Or anyone.”

“But you told Luke.” Not exactly a reproach but kind of.

“I wasn’t planning on telling him. He was dead. And then he wasn’t and he kind of showed up on my doorstep one day and… I couldn’t exactly hide them from him, so…”

            He nods once, going back to the children.

“I’ve missed so much. I wasn’t there–”

“You didn’t know,” I say firmly. “And this one’s on me. You were fighting for their future, and thanks to you they will never have to merge. Never. You basically saved their lives, and they’ll grow up knowing that. And I’ve been documenting everything in case… You’re here now.”

            He nods again, more determined.

“I’m here,” he repeats, before a large smile stretches on his lips again. “I’m a father. We have _babies_. Oh God, look at them! Look at Laura. She looks just like Olivia when she was her age.”

“Really? I think she looks like Alice.”

“They share this unhappy frown maybe?” I laugh at that and he presses a kiss to my temple, then to my neck, before letting out a deep sigh. “Thank you. I think this marvelous body of yours will never stop blowing me away.”

“Continue saying things like that and I might just keep you,” I purr against his lips. He kisses me, slowly, thoroughly, and I feel precious and loved like never before.

“Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” He laughs against my lips and kisses me again.

“You know what, I’m thinking that… since I didn’t get to live the whole adventure from the beginning, we should work on the next set of twins. Just to be sure I get it right.”

“Hold on, cowboy,” I chuckle. “Spend a full month with these two and we’ll talk about the next set.”

“Deal.” Kiss. “You won’t get rid of me in a month, though. I’m here to spend a lifetime with you.” Kiss. “Or maybe two.”

“You’d better be,” I joke, so happy to finally have him here. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and exhales deeply, his arm around me. I don’t think I’ve ever been more at peace. This is perfect. At least it is, until he straightens up, worriedly looking at Laura.

“She can’t dress like Liv.”

“What?” I let out, already laughing.

“Anything that she deems appropriate to wear needs a least ten more inches of fabric. Especially skirts. She’s never gonna wear any, right?”

“Uh… how about you wait for her to at least learn how to speak? So that you can… argue with her about it?” He nods, still focused on our daughter. Our daughter. Not just mine. Ours.

“No boyfriend before she’s eighteen, right?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re right; twenty-one it is.” Is this a joke? I snort in disbelief.

“I’m not sure you’ll be their favorite person if you forbid them to–”

“Well, not the two of them, just Laura, she’s– She’s– That’s not very fair, is it?” he understands at my arched brow.

“Is that a real question?” He lets out this desperate moan and I can’t help chuckling.

“I’m so freaking out right now,” he whispers. “And it’s not about them, it’s about… the entire world. What if they do drugs? Or get enrolled in a gang? Or–”

“Parker, you’re hyperventilating.”

“Maybe I am.”

“It’s fine. They won’t do drugs. And no one will ask them to join a gang.”

“You think?”

“Our babies,” I say – _God_ , I love the sound of that! – “ are Gemini Lightbringers. They’ll be the most powerful teenagers in town. Don’t worry about gangs, worry _for_ gangs.”

“You’re right. I’ll just make sure all the power outlets are covered. Rick got these outlet tops when the girls began crawling about in the house.” I silently nod; I already have all that. “Wait, you just said– Do they have magic? Or are they…” He trails off, not daring to ask whether they’re siphoners like him. From what I’ve heard, his nieces Josie and Lizzie are _both_ siphoners, which helped him bond with them in the first place.

“They both have their own magic,” I reassure him. “Alice and Jared are formal, and their Lights are as beautiful as they could get.”

“Of course they are,” he nods, a zest of pride piercing in his voice.

“I’ll have to show you what they do when I put the c-o-o-k-i-e jar away.”

“Do they summon it back in front of them?”

“How did you know?”

“It’s a classic,” he grins.

“Great.” He draws me closer to him, caressing my arm and gazing at them.

“I can’t believe it. We have babies... I love you so much, officer, you have no idea.”

“I love you too.” He kisses me again and we share a happy smile. It took time, but we got there. And now we have even more time ahead of us. “Are you really not that angry with me? For not telling you sooner?”

“It just… makes me sadder that I didn’t have it in me to come back to you sooner. But I’m the one who left, I’m the one who made it clear to you that I didn’t want to hear about children, ever; I created this situation.”

“I lied to you.”

“I know. And that’s not okay, but I seriously don’t have it in me to fight or even resent you… It’s just more drama and of what good would it be? We’ve had enough heartbreak already, I just want to jump to the part where we’re deeply in love and nothing can get in the way of our happily-ever-after. We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?” 

“Thank you,” I say, lacking words to convey my gratitude. My guilt won’t fade right away, but I love that he’s ready to let this go for now, I love that all that matters to him is being with me; with us.

“Thank _you_ ,” he corrects, before pressing a kiss in my hair. “Anything else I should know? Cause I’m ready to hear anything right now. I have babies, you know.”

“So I heard. And they were my last and only secret.”

“You really thought I was going to hate you?” he asks. I lean my head on his shoulder.

“Maybe not me but… the situation. I didn’t know what to think. And the longer I waited, the more difficult it became to just… say the words, you know.”

“Well, we need to work on you coming clean before things become a mess,” he chuckles, pressing another kiss in my hair.

“Well, you have your flaws and I have mine.”

“Nonsense, you have no flaws. You are perfect and I love you.” I close my eyes and sigh with ease. Please, never stop saying it. “Can I tell the others?” he suddenly asks, excitement overtaking his features. “I want the entire world to know.”

“Now that you know, we can tell everybody you please.”

“Sweet,” he smiles, giving me a kiss. “Jo will go _nuts_ over them. May I?” He shows me his phone and I nod. “Okay, everybody _smile_.” He stretches his arm while I tell the children to look at the camera. He then looks at the picture, beaming like a child. “I’ll need to print this one. It’s our first family portrait!”

“There’ll be many more,” I assure him, distractedly playing with Laura’s hair, while he types his text.

“What do you think?”

I lean in to read the text and lift an eyebrow. “‘Parkers’?” I ask. His face falls.

“You don’t like it?”

“I do!” I grin. I mean… Andy Parker. I _love_ the sound of that. “But just so we’re clear: this is not a proposal.” An indignant light settles in his eyes.

“Gee, Andy, can you give me some credit? I’m going full romance on you, trust me: when I propose, you’ll know.”

“Good answer,” I smirk playfully.

“And… sent! Whew. Let’s see who’ll be the first one to react.” He leans back against the wall, a smile on his lips, his eyes going from one twin to the other, occasionally shaking his head to himself, and his arm still holding me close. I lean against him, resting my head on his shoulder, and watch Lucas and Laura babble with each other, utterly happy.

I can already picture Liv’s face when she’ll see the text. Jo’s eyes will widen just like hers, and Alaric might need just as much time as Kai to get used to the idea. I picture Damon shaking his head to himself, a smirk stretching his lips, and saying, ‘unbelievable’ before turning the phone to Elena, whose eyes will widen in surprise before she has this large, frank smile. Enzo will snort in disbelief and probably get on a plane to make sure it’s real, Caroline will get overexcited while Stefan will have a more moderate, though heartfelt smile; I’m not sure Bonnie has Kai’s interests at heart but I’m pretty sure she’ll be happy for me.

            I let a smile shape my lips and breathe in deeply, anchoring this moment in my memory forever. It’s all quiet – except for the twins – and peaceful, and it stays like that until Kai’s phone rings. “Damon,” he smiles, showing me the name on the screen, while my own phone starts ringing as well.

“Jo,” I say, after a brief look. We share an amused smile and pick up; it’s going to be a long evening in Vermont.

 

 

 

‘Mystic gang’ group chat created by Enzo St-John

New message from:

Kai Parker – _So I went to find the love of my life today. Guess what surprise she had in store for me!_

_File_2092.jpg_

_Parkers signing off._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TADA! 
> 
> So? What do you think?   
> I'm so so SO happy with Andy and Kai reuniting and getting a fair chance together! Also, did you see the little twins coming or not? And if so, did you expect Luke's return to life? ;) 
> 
> I hope I surprised you and that you like where they're going. I'll be seeing you on Wednesday for the epilogue! 
> 
> Cheers! xoxo


	79. Chapter 79

Epilogue

 

_**Early April 2019** _

 

            Andy glances into the rearview and slightly frowns, observing the dynamic before calling, “Laura, will you please leave your brother alone?”

“What is she doing?” calmly inquires Kai, lifting his face from his phone.

“But it’s _my_ turn to hold Mr Knukcles!”

“No, it’s my turn!”

“Laura, baby, you had Mr Knuckles this morning and we said this afternoon it was Lucas,” Kai gently argues, turning his head to them.

“But it’s _my_ turn!”

“Not yet, sweetheart. Please.” The little girl reluctantly stretches her arm so that her brother can grab the red stuffed-hedgehog from his child seat. Mr Knuckles is not even _her_ friend; Sonic is. Her chin quivers and her father quickly understands where her thoughts are going: he immediately searches his phone for the right picture and holds it for his daughter to see. On the screen, she recognizes her auntie Jo, giving the blue stuffed-hedgehog a theatrical kiss on the cheek. “Auntie Jo said she took Sonic with her, okay? We’re almost there, you’ll give him a big hug very soon, I promise.”

            He holds gaze with her a little longer, so that his calm determination sinks in. Laura nods, knowing that her daddy’s always right; except when her mommy and her auntie Jo are right. Or her auntie Alice.

Kai settles back in his seat, and the two adults share a glance: crisis aborted. Here’s to forgetting Sonic at the Saltzmans’! Andy doesn’t say anything now but she thinks the twins are growing too restless for such a long drive; it would have been easier to fly over there.

“Here we go,” Kai says, tucking his phone away. “The offer is placed, we just need to wait for them to get back to us. Which they will do, I have no doubt about that.”

            They share another glance, and a smile, barely believing it. They did debate flying over, but Kai remembered Andy’s suitemate from college, Jess, had invited them over to catch up the next time they were to drive south. She was on their way and they took advantage of this trip to reunite with her, which was a lot of fun because the last time they saw her was when they were saying goodbye to Tina before she went for a year-long trip to Europe. That was two years ago, and Tina is still over there. Now, it was really nice to see Jess and meet her fiancé, but they must say the biggest surprise came when they left her house.

            They’d just left the town she lives in in New Jersey when they saw it. Right there, surrounded by wide patches of bare greenery, stood the house. The one from the ring.

Kai was the first one to spot it and when he asked Andy to pull over, they took an entire minute to look at it before making a move. It _was_ the house! The one before which they’d appear every time they’d go to see Laura Moreau and Luke in the ring, back in 2013. They’d never seen this house before, it’s located on the outskirts of a city none of them ever went to, and they’d come to the conclusion that the house in the ring was nothing more than a materialization of a cozy place for them to meet the ghosts. They never thought they’d see it again, especially not after Kai launched the new Other Side and emptied the ring.

            They stared, barely believing it, and finally stepped out of the car to knock on the door and maybe talk to the people who lived here; they needed to understand. But the house was empty and only then did they notice the sign indicating it was for sale. They stared again, and the same thought crossed they minds. Kai took out his phone and called the number written on the sign. The conversation didn’t last long: they discussed the price and he was asked to place an offer on the promoter’s website with the correct reference number and they’d get back to them. And that was it.

            They sat down in the car, silent for several seconds, before he looked at Andy, waiting for her approval. Usually, they wouldn’t take such a big step without talking it over and thinking together about the pros and cons and everything, but they were both dumbfounded at the sign and they simply couldn’t ignore it. This house had hosted so many of their encounters with members of their family… it was already home, somehow. The witch took out his phone and began typing, while Andy resumed driving, her mind already leaping all over the place. After all this time… it was crazy.

Crazy good.

“Do you want me do drive?” Kai suddenly asks. She can’t hold an amused smile as she briefly eyes him.

“No, but thanks for offering; again.”

He winces in apology.

“I don’t mean to be annoying, just… tell me when you want us to swap.”

“Kai, you did your half of the drive and I intend on doing mine. You could at least wait for an entire two hours before you offer your assistance, don’t you think?”

“I know,” he says, before passing a loving hand on her flat stomach. “But there’s two of them cooking in there, I don’t want you to overtax yourself.”

“And I appreciate that, truly. But I’m not made of glass, so I think we can wait for a couple more months before I start abusing your time with all the things you’ll be welcome to do for me, while I’ll be watching and doing nothing.”

“First of all,” he says, smiling playfully, “I _love_ that you used the word ‘abuse’, cause I’m pretty sure there’s a whole lot I’ll be ‘welcome to do’ tonight–” She nudges him and he laughs. One look in the rearview lets her know that Lucas is still busy making up adventures with Mr. Knuckles while Laura is absorbed with this book about horses. Thank God, they’re too young to pay attention. They need to elaborate a code or something. “Second,” he adds, more seriously, “you’re not doing nothing, okay? This wonderful body of yours is busy creating two persons right now, which requires strength and focus. Now you _are_ the strongest woman on earth, as we know, but if we want these two to be as perfect as our Wondertwins here, I suggest you lay back and watch me do absolutely everything for the next six months.”

She shakes her head to herself, smiling.

“Fine; I’ll let you carry purse.”

He chuckles and brings her hand to his lips.

 

*****

 

            Andy parks and silently waits for Kai to open his eyes again. She and the children are not meant to see his face change with this glamour he’s casting over himself, which is why, without her Light, she can’t tell whether the spell is a success. She brushes a hand in his hair, right in the back of his neck, and he has this happy-cat-like smile before turning a loving look to her and kissing her palm.

“You don’t have to do this anymore, you know?” she quietly reminds him. He inhales deeply and closes his eyes.

“I know. But I don’t want to face him. Not today.” He tries to push away the memory, but he can’t. _The phone rings in his mind, as if it were yesterday, and he sees this unregistered number on the screen, and picks up without thinking:_

_“Hello?”_

_“Kai?” Silence. He’d recognize his dad’s voice anywhere. Air leaves his lungs, as he tries to understand why his dad would ever call him, then remembering he and his Wizardly team relaunched the Other Side last week.; this must be about Luke. Why hasn’t he hang up already? “Your brother’s here,” Joshua says in this low, profound voice that still conveys so much authority and… force. How come this force was never there to protect him? He clenches his jaw, waiting for the reason of his call. “I want to thank you for–”_

_“I didn’t do it for you,” Kai interrupts, hoping his dad didn’t hear his voice shake._

_“Wait_ – _don’t hang up,” Joshua quickly adds. A long, painful silence settles between them and Kai hates that he wishes his dad were standing before him to thank him; he hates how much he wants a hug from him, how much he wants to feel safe in his arms again, just like when he was a child. Tears pool in his eyes. Why hasn’t he hang up already? “Lucas explained… things that your sister Jo told me about at her wedding, and…” Kai closes his eyes. He can’t take a deep breath, his chest is too tight. “Is it true?”_

_“Does it matter?” Silence again. After the longest time, Joshua swallows on the other end of the line._

_“Kai, I’m so sorry for–”_

_“Don’t.” He sniffs, not caring that his father would understand he is about to cry. He can’t breathe, it hurts too much. “You were supposed to love me. You were not supposed to care whether or not I had magic. I was a good kid and you were supposed to love me no matter what. You were always there for them, for all of them, the entire coven, but not for me. You didn’t protect me.” He closes his eyes again, letting tears roll down his cheeks. “You failed me. You both did.” And without waiting for an answer, without giving him a chance to explain or apologize further, he hangs up, and silently cries for long minutes._

“He asked me whether he could spend some time with Lucas and Laura today,” Andy gently reminds him, pulling him out of this painful memory. The witch nods: he’s only agreed to that because Jo and Alaric are positive about Joshua’s behavior with their own children; it appears siphoners shall never be feared again from infancy on in the Gemini coven. Good for them, though he can’t help bitterness settling in his heart at this thought.

Now, Lucas and Laura are no siphoners but knowing they’re Kai’s… He simply doesn’t want him alone with them. Alice has agreed to monitor any encounter between his children and his father. It’ll be fine. “You know we’ll have to tell him at some point,” Andy softly adds, caressing his cheek. “When these two are born, he’ll understand you’re not just some human hottie who’s agreed to raise my children. This glamour will become useless.”

“I know,” he sighs. “But you said we’re not announcing it today, so there’s time.”

“Well, I don’t want to steal Luke’s thunder, but you should prepare yourself to let him know that you’ve been with us this whole time and that you’re still part of the family.”

“You’re right,” he says, kissing her hand, before lifting a playful eye to her. “But not today. Today we dance, we eat cake and we find an empty bedroom to–” Andy covers his mouth with her palm, and he kisses it.

“Operation car unload; now,” she decides, unable to contain a smile at his mischievous wink.

            They step out of the car, and as Andy is about to open the back door, Kai’s hands caress her waist, drawing her to rest her back on his chest, and dropping tempting kisses in her neck. She turns around and wraps her arms around his neck, holding gaze.

“We’ll tell him soon, I promise.” She nods and he rests his forehead on hers. “I love you. You, woman of my dreams, love of my life, mother of my children.” He kisses her again and she lifts her heels to meet his lips.

“I love it when you call me that.”

“I know you do.” He caresses her belly and they share a smile, enjoying this secret that is still theirs for a little while longer. Well, if Alice and Jared don’t notice a new Gemini Light dancing around her stomach, that is.

“Andy!” a female voice calls. They turn their heads to see Liv walk up to them, she’s already wearing her navy blue best-woman dress. She gives Andy a hug before turning an amused smile to her brother. “Is that your new toy boy? Cause he’s way cuter than your regular fiancé.”

“Happy to see you too, Livvie Pooh,” Kai mocks, before receiving a brief hug as well. At this touch, he includes her in the spell and she gets to see the real him, giving him a satisfied smirk. “And what about you?” he adds, vaguely nodding at Tyler, who is talking with Matt and Jeremy near the entrance. “Are you back to being back with Tyler? Again?”

“See this? This is judgement, and I don’t like it. Now, where are my niece and nephew?” she says, finally turning a wide smile to Lucas and Laura in the car and waving back at them. She opens the closest door and unlocks Lucas’ seat belt, taking him in her arms. “Hey, you! How are you? Give auntie Liv a kiss? And how is Mr. Knuckles?”

            During their reunion, Andy leans in and grabs the garment bags that were resting between them on the backseat, while Kai takes Laura in his arms, holding her close to Liv for a kiss. They usually don’t put them down when they’re on a parking lot.

“Lucas wants to go to the bathroom,” Liv says, “do you guys mind if I take him?”

“Here,” Andy hands her the garment bag containing his small-sized tux. “Can you change him? I have to go get changed and see Luke.”

“You’re abandoning me too?” Kai asks, faking indignation, while Liv is already leaving with her nephew.

“You’re just jealous because you’re not his best woman.”

He snorts.

“Are you kidding? I’d rather be sitting than standing during the ceremony.”

“So much for doing everything for me,” Andy mocks.

“Don’t push me, officer. You know I’m ready to step in your shoes the second you say it, alright? And I won’t even mind the heels.”

“I know. And since blue’s your color, my dress will fit perfectly.”

“I’d still keep my tux and you’d be left with nothing to wear,” he warns, which makes her laugh.

“I love you,” she says, grazing his lips with hers before pecking Laura’s cheek and heading towards the entrance. Kai watches her until she disappears from his sight, shaking his head to himself at the thought of this silly, dreamy smile he can’t shake. He then turns around and gathers their things, joyfully conversing with his daughter, and he only has time to lock the car before hearing the British accent of his closest friend behind him.

“And who is this weird stranger holding my princess girl?”

“I don’t know,” Alaric’s voice adds, going along, “maybe we should alert the witch police.” A friendly tap on the shoulder is enough for them to be included in the magical glamour. As for Kai, he can’t help a short laugh.

“I wouldn’t say that too loud, unless you want Alice to become your BFF.”

“Don’t worry, mate; she and Jared are here as friends slash family of the groom, not as chaperones. Now, will you let me hold her?” he asks, already taking Laura from Kai’s arms.

“Aren’t you supposed to be here with a date already?” the witch asks, before seeing Alaric shake his head discreetly; right, Enzo did mention he and Bonnie were going through a rough time. So it’s not getting any better, is it?

“Nonsense,” the vampire lightly retorts, his full attention focused on the four-year-old. “Laura Parker has always been my one and only true love.” Kai lifts a skeptical brow before turning his head to Alaric.

“How’s everybody?”

“Doing good. Jo and Caroline are busy imagining new details to improve, and the girls are running about with your dad.”

“So you left Joey and young Stefan at home?”

“Yeah, they’re a bit too young to last a family event. We’ll just be heading back early tomorrow morning.”

“I mean, you guys have a history with crazy-ass nannies already,” Kai mocks.

“You think you’re funny? We actually had Jared come early to make sure the babysitter’s Light was indeed human and just human, then we had Caroline compel her.”

“That poor girl,” the witch says, rolling his eyes. “Just another day in Mystic Falls.” His attention goes back to Alaric when the latter places his hand on his shoulder, looking slightly more serious.

“Valerie would like a word with you before we get started.”

Kai tenses at that.

“They’re already here?”

“Here and glamoured, just like you.”

“I’m so not pumped about doing this.”

“I know you’re not, but the three of them are close to Luke; he wants them here on his wedding day and that’s his right.”

Kai nods, exhaling deeply. He knows Luke has played a major role in helping Valerie, Nora and Mary-Louise learn how to control their ripper tendencies and… not eat people whenever. They have sincerely apologized to the coven for what happened at Jo’s wedding and the next step is being reinstated by their leader. They’re a work in progress, just like he once was.

“I’ll gather the coven in a few weeks to officially welcome them back. They’ll be on probation for some time.” Alaric nods. After all the help the three formerly-called ‘heretics’ produced against their old foes, mainly the siren sisters and the king of hell, accepting them is the least they can do. Especially after all the effort they’ve been making lately.

“Speaking of _witch_ ,” Enzo says, still distractedly tickling Laura, whose sharp laugh fills the parking lot, “where’s the Lady Gemini? I haven’t seen her yet.”

“She’s upstairs with Luke. Which reminds me: I’m still not ready, so if you guys don’t mind…”

He shows them his own garment bag. First, changing himself and Laura, then meeting with his great-great-grand-aunts for a briefing. He searches the crowd of dresses and tuxedos for Damon but he hasn’t arrived yet; he distractedly waves back to Freya Mikaelson and her girlfriend – Keelin? Kaylin? He should ask Andy before saying it wrong – and his two friends fall into steps with him. “Oh, and Rick, I’ve been thinking about your offer.”

“Thank God, you brought it up!” his brother-in-law chuckles. “I was _dying_ to ask you about it and Jo was telling me to give you some time, not pressure you, and I obviously don’t want to pressure you, but we’re moving back to Mystic Falls pretty soon, and we’d need an answer–”

“Is it about this Hogwarts school you and Caroline are opening in the Fall?” Enzo enquires.

“It is,” Kai confirms. “Though I see it as a big gathering of the X-Men at the Salvatores’, but anyway, it’s a great opportunity. Andy and I have discussed it, you know, and we wouldn’t have minded moving back so I could teach there–”

“And Lucas and Laura can come for free,” Alaric quickly adds.

“You’ve… said that already.”

“And Andy can teach the kids how to fight and defend themselves, with actual discipline, you know.”

“Rick, I know all that,” Kai smiles.

“Then why do I sense a ‘no’ coming?”

“We’re kinda buying a house at the moment, and it’s not in Mystic Falls.”

“You never said you guys were house-hunting!”

“We weren’t. The perfect house simply appeared to us this morning, and… click, bought it.” Alaric gapes. “Remember this house in Luke’s ring? Well, you’re never gonna believe it…”

 

*****

 

            Joshua Parker leans against the handrail and sips his glass of champagne. From his spot upstairs, he has a good overview of the wide reception room that Caroline Salvatore made a point to decorate for the occasion; this young woman is gifted with real taste, that’s undeniable. She is currently on the dancefloor, spinning Josie around, while Jo is dancing and laughing with Lizzie and young Lucas. They sure form an untraditional family, he thinks to himself.

            He senses movement on his right and looks up to see his old friend Vincent, holding hands with Laura _and_ Sonic.

“It’s a success,” Vincent happily comments. “And Philip seems to be a good man.”

“He is,” Joshua nods, automatically looking for him and Lucas on the dancefloor. “He adores Lucas and he comes from a respectable coven; what else could I ask for?” They smile to each other and Joshua allows a tender look towards Laura. She looks so much like his late wife, it’s incredible… He represses a sigh and simply takes in the joy of being near her. He knows the rules: Kai doesn’t want him anywhere near his children without a Lightbringer to monitor him, which is fair, considering their more-than-edgy past, and Andrea supports his choice, though he’s not here and he would never know that– A deep breath again. No, he needs to respect this agreement if he wants a chance to have them in his life, to have Kai… “Who would have thought?” he lets out in a murmur barely audible for his friend. “That we’d come to share grandchildren someday.”

“Tell me about it,” Vincent smiles. “I guess our illegal and not-so-secret alliance turned out to be a success after all.”

“I guess it did.” The former Lightbringer squeezes his shoulder and leads Laura downstairs before she loses patience and makes a run for her slice of cake. Joshua watches them walk down the stairs, meeting Bonnie Bennett on her way up. As soon as they reach the ground floor, Laura forgets about the cake and runs for Enzo St-John, playing hide and seek behind his knees. Damon Salvatore, to whom the vampire is talking, indulges the little girl with her game for a minute, before Enzo himself grabs her unexpectedly, making her yelp and laugh. Both men and their bundle walk back to where Elena Salvatore is seated, and Damon hands her a plate with a slice of cake before kissing her and caressing her enormous belly.

“Mister Parker,” Bonnie greets. He politely nods to her as she comes to stand next to him and watches over the crowd of happy supernaturals.

“You already had your share of dancing?”

“Actually, I was wondering if you would do me the honor,” she replies with a smile.

“The honor would be mine; shall we?”

“Not for [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1hvbAI1Dqg), sir,” she says, tilting her head. Joshua slightly frowns, not following, and Bonnie nods to the emptying dancefloor: guests seem to be forming a circle around a restrained number of dancers, clapping their hands in rhythm as a rather modern, pop music begins, and he watches all three of his children and their significant others get in line, facing each other, already laughing and giggling like children. And all he can think about is that Andrea and her date are dancing with them.

“Kai should be there with them,” he murmurs to himself, the now-familiar wave of sadness and guilt overwhelming him. How could he not know? How could he not see it? That his little boy was in such need of his help and of his love?

“Maybe he is,” Bonnie cautiously answers. Joshua has this sad, disillusioned smile that makes him look even more like his eldest son.

“No,” he simply answers, turning to the young woman. “When you’re a parent, you learn to recognize the figure of your children in a crowd of thousands. He’s not there.” Bonnie gauges him, thinking, before cautiously covering his hand with hers on the banister.

“Look again.”

            Confused, Joshua complies and remains speechless before the sight he is offered: Kai _is_ there, dancing with Jo, following a choreography they all seem to know, and laughing and smiling; smiling so much it must hurt their cheeks. Joshua’s heart jumps in his chest. When did he get here? They don’t seem surprised by his presence; were they waiting for him to join them? They look _so_ happy together....

“I don’t understand,” he whispers, his eyes glued to his eldest son, who is now arm in arm with Lucas, singing the lyrics and improvising their own silly dance, which seems to include robots.

“He’s been using a glamour during family reunions.”

“He doesn’t want me to know he’s here,” he realizes, taking the cut full force.

“He’ll get there,” Bonnie solemnly assures him. “Don’t we all, in the end?” She squeezes his hand and leaves him to the sight of his children, the four of them, changing partners again for the chorus, and he sees Olivia happily take Kai’s hand and all eight of them resume dancing as one with the others, mastering this obviously-rehearsed choreography while having a lot of fun. They playfully shake their heads, snap their fingers, sing, laugh, and he spins her around endlessly.

Around them, friends and family keep cheering and clapping, happily watching them, and Joshua stares, carving this barely-believable painting in his heart, taking in the deep emotion that comes with seeing them reunited after all this time and all this suffering. A suffering that his negligence created. Ever since Lucas told him the truth about Kai, ever since he realized what had been going on and how his obsession for protecting the coven from another siphoner caused the boy to drown any sort of feelings to stop the pain… shame, and guilt have been his only companions. And he knows he shall not find peace until he has looked his son in the eye and acknowledged his responsibility in what happened. But not today. Kai is not ready. So today, he gets to watch them smile and dance; today he gets to appreciate what they have built despite his mistakes, and with tomorrow will come a time for atonement and maybe forgiveness.

            And as the music slightly slows down near the end, they change partners again, reuniting with their significant other, and he can’t look away from Kai, who tenderly draws Andrea in his arms, giving her the smile of the happiest man on earth, caressing her waist, exchanging a few words only lovers can hear, and kissing her neck with the reverence of an enamored man, before sharing with her a long, loving kiss that warms his heart like no other sight. So he does belong, in the end; he belongs with her. Joshua watches them smile to each other, lost in their own world, before being called back by the music and going back to dancing and spinning for the last chorus, forming a coherent whole with their brothers and sisters, in-laws or not, swaying and stepping together harmoniously, until the last notes fade and they all applaud and congratulate each other for their well-orchestred siblings dance.  

And as the dancefloor fills again, as all the guests step in for their share of fun with the celebrated couple, his attention is still locked on the other two, and he doesn’t miss the way Andrea waits for Caroline to leave them before handing Kai the glass of champagne she just received; they both lift a hand to give a secret stroke on her still-flat belly and share a conniving look, and Joshua doesn’t care to hide his tears when she looks up and meets his eyes.

To think that this young woman, his best friend’s daughter, found a way to bring them back to him… not all of them of course, but those who are alive and not off to this Better Place already. To think that they have a chance to be a family again… She smiles at him and he lifts his glass to her, grateful and happy.

 

 

 

 

 

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, friends: this was the last update to Lightbringer, a story I never thought would take tso much place and last this long; a story I absolutely loved writing and posting. <3   
> How did you like the epilogue? I had a lot of fun writing it and it gives a first taste of the sequal I've been writing. (more of that further down). 
> 
> Here I need to thank Lau of (my) Heart, of course, the first reader ever of this story, who told me from the very begnning 'I hope Kai's not the love interest, cause I really strongly dislike this character.' (...XD) and who eventually changed her mind and shed some tears, which I'm really proud of. Thank you for always cheering for me, dearie. You're the best <3 
> 
> Also, a big, huge, giant thanks to FandomHoarder, who followed this story till the end and who was always there to share thoughts and impressions; it is an absolute delight to have you as a reader, my friend! All the love goes to you <3 
> 
> Thank you also to PolkaDotDragon, who came up with this incredible fanart for Lightbringer; this attention shall always warm my heart <3 
> 
> And of course, thank you to all of you who read and shared and bookmarked and left kudos. It's been a crazy ride :)
> 
> About the sequel I mentioned above, Ladies and Gents, soon to be released (aka within the next year or so XD) : The Gemini Diaries, which will be stories centered around a certain coven, while keeping in mind the changes brought about in Lightbringer. There will be some (lots of) references to Legacies and also we'll have our very own Enzo as a regular main character (and possibly romance for him ;) ). Anyway, I'll keep you posted when that happens. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading all this way to the end, I'm very grateful for your undying support and praises <3 <3
> 
> Astermaris signing off,   
> See you around for new adventures ^_^


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